Total WWE Action: The Complete Second Season
by x.Cult Of Personality.x
Summary: It's a new year and a new season as Y2J brings back 15 contestants from Season 1 to compete in movie genre themed challenges for the grand prize: 1 MILLION BUCKS. Along with the thrill of competition, comes love, cheating, and revenge.
1. Jericho's Recap

**_AN: All righty then, folks, after a long wait, Season Two of the Total WWE series has arrived! :) So this was made in 2009, just letting you know because of some of the events mentioned in the story. Hope this is to your liking._**

* * *

><p><strong><strong>  
><span>Total<span> WWE Action!: Mad Money

Episode 1

"Hey, TV Land! Guess what? We're baaaaaack! You know who this is, the Madonna of Sports Entertainment, the

ayatollah of rock and rolla, the codebreaker, Y2J, Chris Jericho with a new season I call, Total WWE Action! We're

making the transition from an island to an abandoned movie lot, where 15 chosen WWE Superstars and Divas will

reside. As you all know, every camper from last season competed in last year's season finale to search for a million

dollars, but they all failed miserably. Luckily for John Cena, Randy Orton, CM Punk, Shawn Michaels, Mickie James,

Maria, Melina, Triple H, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Edge, Kelly Kelly, Michelle McCool, Natalya, and Candice, they all get a

second chance for the big mil! As for everyone else...tough noogies. They gotta just sit and watch, haha. So get

ready for more action, romance, shockers, and surprises as we get this party started on the season premiere of

Total...WWE...Action!"


	2. Episode 1, ch1

**Chapter 1 – Here We Go Again**

*rap beat*

_"Your time is up, my time is now, you can't see me, my time is now! It's the franchise boy, I'm shinin now, you can't see me, my time is NOW!"_

"John Cena." Jericho said, eying him. "The guy who stole my World Heavyweight Championship."

"I didn't steal anything, man! You're just not good enough to beat me on your own." he replied.

"Oh, really? Who almost codebroke you back at Survivor Series? Who almost took the gold AGAIN?" he demanded.

"I head almost." Cena said dully.

Jericho just glared at him. "NEXT!" he called.

_"Here she comes again, like good medicine, every step she takes, my blood is flowing, her legs go on and on for days...look out! She'll tear your heart out! Look out! She'll rock your world, there's no doubt..."_

"Maria!" exclaimed Jericho. "Welcome to the show!"

"Thanks, Chris! Hey, John!" she said, giving her friend a hug.

"What's up, Maria?" he asked, half smiling.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Oh, it's nothing." he said.

"Girl troubles?" asked Jericho.

"Butt out!" they snapped.

"Jeez! Touchy!" he replied.

_"I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me...On this day, I see clearly, everything has come to life, bitter place, and a broken dream, and we leave it all behind..."_

"Guess what, bitches? Rated RKO is back!" announced Edge.

"WHAT?" exclaimed Maria and Cena.

Jericho glared at them. "Oh?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Damn right." replied Randy. "After all the crap Edge and I went through, we decided to settle our differences and join forces again."

"Yep. Alone, we're powerless, but together, we'll cause hell until there's no end! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Edge laughed evilly.

"Who are you calling powerless?" Randy asked seriously.

"Dude, you're still wearing a wig." he replied. _(AN: If you remember from the first season, Randy's head ended up getting shaved bald and he has been wearing an Elvis wig ever since.)_

"Oh. Right." he said meekly.

_"Let me show you what love is, let me show you how to move your body, move your body, move your-move your-move you-momomomomomomomomomo-move your body, move your-your-your body...raise your hands up, raise your hands up-all..eyes..on..me!"_

"Hey, Candice!" called John, giving her a hug.

"Candy!" Maria exclaimed, giving her a hug next.

"Hey, you guys! Nice to see you again!" she exclaimed.

"Aww." Edge said sarcastically.

Candice whipped around to find Randy and Edge standing there.

"Oh...no. Please tell me they're not-" she began.

"Yep. They're back as Rated RKO." said Jericho.

"And I thought this season would be a little nicer at least." she replied.

"Nice dreaming, sweetie." Randy replied.

_"YeAAAAAAAAAAAaaaauh...yeah!...All I ever wanted, was destiny to be fulfilled, it is in my hands, I must not fail, I must not fail!...Even through the darkest days, this fire burns always, this fire burns always..."_

"Punky!" exclaimed Maria, giving him a hug and kiss.

"Maria! Nice to see you again, babe!" he replied, giving his girlfriend a kiss.

"Hey, Punk, how's it going, man?" Cena asked, shaking his hand.

"Not bad, not bad!" he replied.

"You don't want to know who's here with us." Candice told him.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because." Randy said, glaring at him.

CM Punk looked shocked.

"Oh, hell no! You two are teaming up again?" he asked, storming up to them.

"Yeah, so what if we are?" demanded Orton.

As the two were inches away from one another, everyone had to drag them apart.

"Ok, dudes, save the fight for later." said Jericho. "Who's next?"

_*Paparazzi theme*_

"Hey, everyone!" called Mickie.

"RAW Divas coming your way!" added Melina.

Edge and Randy looked shocked.

"She's...face now? I thought she was a heel!" exclaimed Edge.

Randy just looked dreamily at her.

"Mickie! Melina!" greeted Maria and Candice.

"So, you two ARE friends." Cena said, smiling.

"Sure, why wouldn't we be?" asked Melina.

"Hey, girls, guess who else is here." said Punk.

They turned around to find Randy and Edge.

"No!" cried Mickie. "They're back together?"

Melina just glared at Randy.

"Melina." he said, coming towards her.

"No, I don't want anything to do with you, Orton." she said, backing away. "We're through."

He sighed in despair.

"...Ok then. Next up is..." started Jericho.

_*Natalya's theme*_

"Hey, Nattie!" greeted Jericho.

She just shoved him out of the way and stormed up to Melina.

"You turned FACE?" she demanded. "What about the Divas of Evil?"

Everyone else groaned.

"Oh, shut up! Mel, what's going on?" she asked.

"I'll tell you later, ok?" she asked.

Then, she caught Randy and Edge.

"So, you two are together once again." she said, emotionless.

"Sure are!" exclaimed Edge.

"Yeah...stalker." Randy muttered, backing away.

Then, Natalya kicked him hard in the gut.

"OOF!" he cried, falling down.

"Don't think I've lost my craziness, boys." she replied.

"Whoop-de-doo." Orton said weakly.

_"Don't you see the writing on the wall (Don't you see the writing on the wall) You're in way over your head, you're gonna drown in the things that you said. Time has come and gone for words, a thousand threats I've heard before, but words are cheap, but lies are faint to me..."_

"Jeff! Matt! Kelly!" exclaimed the girls.

"What's up, everyone?" asked Matt.

"Matty!" Mickie exclaimed, giving him a passionate kiss.

"Whoa. Now that's a welcome wagon." he replied, stunned.

"Good to see you guys again." said Cena. "How's life?"

"Did you guys do it yet?" asked Punk.

"Punk!" everyone else cried.

Jeff laughed. "No, not yet."

"But hopefully soon." Kelly agreed, blushing.

"Maybe sooner than you think." he replied, giving his girlfriend a passionate kiss.

"Ooh, really?" she asked, smiling.

"Aw, HELL NO!" cried Matt.

"Heh?" they asked, turning around.

They saw Rated RKO.

"You gotta be kidding me." Jeff said seriously.

Edge glared at Matt, while Randy glared at Jeff.

"New season, new changes." Randy told him. "You've pulled off a lot last year, but this is 2009 now. It's our time to turn the tables on the three of you. Try anything on us, you'll get what you deserve."

"Is that a threat?" Jeff asked seriously.

"Just might be." he replied.

"Matt, Jeff, let's just leave them alone so they'll leave us alone." Kelly assured.

"Good idea. I'm about 5 seconds away from kicking Edge's ass." Matt said darkly.

"You don't even want to know what I was about to do to Orton." Jeff said, still glaring at him.

"Uh, guys, this is supposed to be a time of reunion and joy! Not fighting and-" began Jericho.

_"Are you ready?"_

Everyone gasped in shock.

"AAH!" Jericho yelped in a high voice.

_"You think you can tell us what to do? Think you can tell us what to wear? You think that you're better? You better get ready. Bow to the masters...BREAK IT DOWN!..D-Generate into something, fool! We just got tired of doing what you do, that's the price, boy, yeah...that's the price, little man, break it down!"_

Then, Triple H and Shawn Michaels, in their DX attire, ran around and did their patented DX crotch chop!

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" exclaimed Randy.

"Are you ready?" asked Triple H.

Silence.

"I said, ARE...YOU...READY?" he asked again.

More silence.

"Then, for the chicks and dudes in attendance...for all you watching at home...and for me, the King Of Kings, let's get ready to cause some destruction!" he exclaimed.

"And if you're not down with that, we only got two words for ya!" finished Shawn.

Then, he shoved Jericho towards a nearby river and HHH put an empty chicken bucket over his head.

"SUCK IT!" they both exclaimed.

More silence.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone except for Rated RKO cheered loudly.

Jericho ripped the bucket off his head.

"You two." he said angrily. "You formed DX again?"

"Duh." replied HHH.

"Damn, damn, DAMN!" he cried.

"Nice intro, you guys!" exclaimed Jeff.

"Yeah, and guess who else reunited." added Natalya.

They turned around to find an annoyed Rated RKO.

"WHA?" HHH asked in shock.

"Oh, what fun this is gonna be." Shawn said dully.

_"You're not enough for me, just another man in love with me. Gotta open up your eyes and see, you're not enough for me..."_

John didn't look too happy and Maria backed away.

"Last but not least, Michelle McCool is in the building!" exclaimed Jericho.

She scoffed. "Move it, Jericho." she said, shoving him out of the way.

"OOF!" he exclaimed, falling into a trash can. Poor guy.

"Hey, Michelle, what's up?" asked Candice.

She just glared evilly at her. "What do you think, princess?" she asked rudely.

"What the hell's her problem?" asked Melina.

Maria sighed. "If you were on Smackdown, you'd know." she said.

"What do you mean?" asked Kelly.

"Ever since the day she lost her Diva's title, she's been taking her anger out on me." she said sadly. "She beat the crud outta me."

"Yeah, she's really changed." agreed Jeff. "She's been mean to everyone lately."

"You don't want to get in her way. Remember what she did to Eve last week?" asked Triple H.

"I know! The poor thing!" exclaimed Maria. "Michelle's outta control."

"Dude, is that why you're so quiet lately?" Punk asked Cena. "Did you and Michelle have a fight or something?"

"I don't know. She's changed her attitude towards me, too. I mean, we used to have fun and get along fine, but lately she's been bossing me around and hanging on her own. We don't do anything together anymore." he said sadly.

"Aww." Mickie said sadly. "Well, you still have us, John."

He smiled. "Thanks."

Meanwhile, Jericho climbed out of the trash can. "...Ow. Ok, now that everyone's here, welcome to a new place I call, Total WWE Action! The 15 of you'll be staying here for 6 weeks, and since you all failed miserably at capturing the million bucks last time, you all get a second chance here. Last season, you all had to endure being stranded on a deserted island, but this season, it's all about the flicks, baby. Now, here, you'll all have to face new and exciting movie-themed challenges, and the losers will face elimination, where you have to walk down the Red Carpet of Loserdom, and ride away in style in the Lamborghini of suckers!"

"Cool, we get to ride in a Lambo?" Melina asked excitedly.

"Yeah!" Jericho exclaimed back. "And instead of those crappy old outhouse confessional rooms, you all get to dish out on whatever you like in a glamorous dressing room! In replacement of the smores you got when you stayed, you get these patented Jerichoholic awards as your prize! They're perfect in their own way. Treasure them greatly."

Then, Shawn walked up to him, snatched it away, and broke the trophy over his knee. "Yeah. Yeah, this is a treasure, all right. Heads up, Hunter!" he called, tossing the pieces to his friend.

"Awesomeness!" HHH exclaimed, playing hackeysack with the pieces.

Jericho didn't look too thrilled. "Oh, you're gonna get it. Both of you are gonna pay. Anyway, I'm not assigning teams, and you're all on your own again unless I say otherwise. And as an extra treat, I invited back the campers who didn't make the cut to sit and watch you guys fail! Hahaha!"

Then, he lifted up a curtain to reveal Batista, Santino, the Glamazon, Kane, Undertaker, Maryse, and JBL sitting on the sidelines.

"Maryse!" Natalya cried happily.

"Nattie!" she called back happily, hugging her. "Now I, the new Diva's champ depend on you to defeat the others for me, especially that Michelle. Haha."

"I'll make you proud. The DOE will NOT die! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Natalya laughed crazily.

"Bitches." Michelle muttered.

"It's not-a fair!" exclaimed Santino. "We deserve-a to be in the show, too! Glamarella would've beaten all of-a you!"

Then, Batista dumped a soda on his head, but since he wasn't looking, he accidentally dumped his soda on the Glamazon's head.

She gasped in shock.

"Oops. My bad." Batista said, not really caring.

"I cannot believe you just did that." she said darkly.

"Yeah, I did, haha." he chuckled.

As she was about to punch him, Santino stopped her.

"Dave Batista, you disrespect Glamarella? You pay-a the price!" he exclaimed, charging towards him.

Only, Batista shoved him away like he was a paper doll. "Nice try, dude."

"Will you all shut up?" demanded JBL. "I am trying to make my billions of dollars in peace and you nimrods aren't doing me any favors!"

Then, Kane and Undertaker hovered over him.

"Stop talking!" Kane screamed in his face.

"Or else we'll send you to the fiery depths of hell. Where you'll rest...in...peace." finished Undertaker.

Then, JBL said nothing and moved to the other side of the sidelines.

"Ok, gang, it's time for your very first challenge! There's a director's trailer somewhere around here and you have to find it. But it's not gonna be easy. There's gonna be a giant monster on the loose to try and catch you guys, so you gotta go quick! If you all make it to the trailer, good for you. If you get caught, poopy for you. Luckily since it's your first day here, nobody gets eliminated today. Got it?" asked Jericho.

"A monster, dude?" Edge asked dully. "My grandma can come up with a better idea than that."

"Yeah, really! No monster's gonna stop us!" agreed Randy.

Suddenly...

"RAWR!" yelled a huge, hairy monster!

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" everyone screamed, running in different directions.

"RUN! RUN WHILE YOU CAN!" exclaimed Jericho. "Man, don't I look good on this award?"

"No." everyone said at the same time.

"Yeah, whatever." he muttered.


	3. Episode 1, ch2

**Chapter 2**

"Ok, you guys. I think we're safe." announced Matt.

"Where are we?" asked Mickie. "There's junk everywhere!"

"Mickie. Never call anything junk. This stuff can be transformed into something awesome if you be creative enough." replied Jeff.

"He's right!" agreed Kelly. "Look what I made!"

She held up a fork connected to a block of wood, which had colored pipe cleaners, barbed wire, wood shavings, and a dirt clod.

Matt and Mickie looked stunned.

"What is it?" asked Mickie.

"Isn't it obvious?" she asked.

They studied it some more.

"...No." Matt said slowly.

"You guys! It's a cat coughing up a hairball on a hot day in July! It isn't hard to figure out!" exclaimed Jeff.

"Thank you, sweetie." Kelly said gratefully. "See? My boyfriend understands my work."

"Well, I don't." replied Matt.

"Turn your heads sideways and squint your eyes." replied Jeff.

Matt and Mickie did that and started to see the picture.

"...Cool." they both said at the same time.

Then, the monster approached them!  
>*Growl*<p>

"W-What was that?" Kelly asked, scared.

"I hope it's not what I think it is." Mickie said shakily.

They all turned around.

"RAWR!" the monster screamed. To tell you the truth, it really wasn't that scary, but oh well.

"It's what you think it is!" cried Matt. "Let's get the hell outta here!"

Kelly, Mickie, and Matt tried to run, but the monster caught the four of them already.

"Guys." Jeff said dully.

"Why are you standing there? Run!" cried Mickie.

He pointed to the monster.

The other three stopped 'running' and looked defeated.

"Real nice." Matt said dully as the monster carried the four of them away.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Melina, Natalya, and Candice were searching in another part of the lot...<p>

"Ok, where would a trailer be around here?" asked Melina.

"You know, girls, I think this place is gonna be one hell of a lot better than the island." said Candice. "I mean, we get to ride in a Lambo, we get to make movies, we get to use a decent dressing room as a confessional."

"Everything'll be good except for those cheap Jericho awards we have to keep." Natalya said dully. "That man's so full of himself."

"I wonder who's worse, him, Randy, or Edge." replied Candice.

"Don't even mention Orton around me." Melina said angrily.

"Why?"

"He's a jerk! I thought that he loved me, and he just used me. He never really liked me." she said sadly.

"I know that road." Natalya agreed. "I was like a puppet for him. And I fell for everything! He deserved that tranquilizer shot I gave him!"

Candice laughed. "I gotta admit, that was cool. But I don't like Michelle's attitude problem. I really feel bad for John. He's been so sad lately."

"I kinda like the attitude thing." replied Natalya. "It's weird. You turned face, Mel, and she of all people turned...heel!"

"I know, I know. Things are gonna be different from now on." agreed Melina. "But I feel bad for Cena, too."

"He can do better than her." Candice said quietly.

Then, Melina and Natalya stopped and looked at her.

"What?" she asked.

"Candy, are you...jealous?" asked Melina.

"No! Heh heh, He's my friend and I just feel bad for him. That's all." she said nervously.

"...Uh huh." Natalya said dully.

"It's true!" she exclaimed.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Candice: "What, a girl can't feel sorry for a guy without having a crush on him? Well? :( "

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Hey, is that a trailer?" asked Melina.<p>

"YEAH!" exclaimed Natalya. "DOMINATION!" she cried, running to the figure...which was the monster.

*RAWR!*

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Candice and Melina screamed.

"Let me go, you big oaf!" Natalya cried, trying to escape.

"What should we do?" asked Candice.

"Uh..." began Melina.

Before she could say anything, the monster swept the both of them up, too!

"Nice thinking, geniuses." Natalya said dully.

Meanwhile, John Cena, Maria, and CM Punk searched for the hidden trailer, too...

"I still can't believe what Michelle did to you guys." Punk said seriously. "Especially you, Maria. If I were on Smackdown, I wouldn't have let her lay a finger on you."

She kissed him. "Thanks, Punky. But even if you were there, she'd still hate me." she replied.

"And I know she's pissed over losing her title, but it's not worth betraying everyone that cares about her." Cena added.

"Yep. If she keeps up this attitude, everyone here's gonna turn against her." agreed Punk. "She's a one woman revolution."

Then, someone tapped on his shoulder.

"Yello." he said casually.

The monster stared down at him.

"Oh, crap." he said meekly.

"C'mon, let's get the hell outta here!" announced Cena.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Maria.

"Yeah...I gotta go now." Punk said to the monster. "AAH!" he shouted, running away.

The three decided to climb up an old, rickety shack, but it didn't last for long.

*CRUMBLE!*

"AAAAAAHHHH!" they screamed as they all fell into the monster's arms.

"Not one of our best ideas." Cena said finally.

* * *

><p>At another part of the lot, Michelle walked off on her own, while Rated RKO caught her...<p>

Edge sighed happily. "New season, new antics. How awesome is that?"

"Totally awesome. But I didn't know that Michelle turned into a bad girl. Hmm." Randy said thoughtfully.

"You're thinking about something. Do you have a plan in mind?" he asked excitedly.

"It's not really a plan, per se." he replied.

"Then, what's going on?"

"You see, since Michelle's got an attitude with everyone here, she could easily side with us, since she knows what we're about." he explained.

"But what if she's one of those girls who wants to be on her own? What if she rejects us?" asked Edge.

"Dude! We're Rated RKO. Nobody rejects us. Besides, if she does, I have a way to persuade her to join us." he continued.

"How?"

"All will be explained at the right time. Now c'mon, let's make a new recruit." Orton replied.

"Hey, Michelle!" called Edge.

She whipped around. "What?" she demanded.

"Would you like to hang with us?" he asked.

"Why should I care?" she asked. "I don't need anyone."

"Really? We know how you feel." said Randy.

"How would you know about losing the Diva's championship all because of someone who doesn't know what the hell she's doing?" Michelle demanded, referring to Maria's refereeing during Michelle's title match.

Edge chuckled. "She got you there, Rand."

"Shut up. Anyway, what I mean is that we know how you feel about betrayal." he said.

"You do?"

"Yeah. I've been betrayed by tons of people, including Edge here." he replied.

"True. I've had my fair share of betrayals, too. You see, that's why we stick together. Because we understand each other's problems." said Edge.

"And you have every right to be angry, Michelle." said Randy. "Maria caused you to lose the title...uh...anything else happen to you?"

"As a matter of fact, yeah. I have a list of people who betrayed me in one way or another. It hurts, you know?" she asked.

"Damn right." agreed Orton. "So, if you hang out with us, we'll take care of you. We understand."

She looked at them, but then turned around. "I don't think so."

"All right, if you say so. Let's be on our way, Edge." said Orton.

"5...4...3...2..." counted Edge.

"Wait!" called Michelle.

"You rang?" he asked.

"Maybe you guys do understand. I want to be a part of RKO." she replied. "Will you give me a chance?"

Randy and Edge smiled at one another.

"You got it. Michelle, welcome to Rated RKO." Randy said, shaking her hand.

"Awesome! Now let's find that trailer before the goody-two-shoes do." she said evilly.

"Yes, let's!" agreed Edge.

As they searched, a huge figure blocked their path.

"What the hell?" demanded Randy.

*RAWR!* screamed the monster.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" they all screamed, running the other direction...right into the monster's trap.

"...Aw, damn it." Orton said from inside.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, everyone was caught except for DX, but would they be next?<p>

"Ah, this is great. Another chance at the big mil, forming DX again..." Triple H said happily. "Should we prank everyone or just Jericho?"

"We should leave everyone else alone. Besides, Jeff and Matt have their hands full with Orton and Edge, so they're taken care of. Jericho's ours for the torturing." Shawn said with a smile.

"Excellent. I got, like, a million pranks we could do to him!" he exclaimed.

Shawn laughed.

"What?"

"You said 'do him'." he chuckled.

"Grow up, Chuckles." HHH replied. "Ooh, fried chicken!" he cried, taking a bucket from under a tree.

"Hey! Put that down! You don't know where that's been!" scolded HBK.

"Sure I do. KFC, says it right here on the bucket." HHH replied.

"So, you're just gonna eat something that an animal's probably been through?" he asked.

"Hey! There's no wings in here!" he cried, ignoring his friend.

"Just trying to look out for you, man! Don't mind me!" Shawn said sarcastically.

While HHH was pigging out on the food, Shawn wandered off on his own until...

"The trailer! Hunter, get over here! I found the trailer!" he called frantically.

He still had his face buried in the bucket. "That's great, dude." he replied.

"All right, suit yourself. Enjoy your meal while I live the life of luxury." he called back.

"You don't win anything at all." HHH replied.

"Oh. Well, I beat you!" he taunted. "Later!"

"Have fun." HHH said, still eating.

When Shawn opened the trailer door, the monster was inside, waiting for him.

"Oh, dear God." he said quickly.

*RAWR!* the monster screamed.

Then, it carried Shawn over its shoulder and took him away.

"Hunter, do something!" he cried.

He was still munching. "Have fun." he repeated.

"HUNTER! I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THIS!..." he cried as he was being carried off.

Then, he peeked out of the bucket and found the trailer.

"Oh, sweet, the trailer! Shawn, I found the trailer-Shawn?" he asked.

Silence.

"He's goofing off again. Wait until I find him." HHH said, going off.


	4. Episode 1, ch3

**Chapter 3**

He kept walking through the lot until he found the monster, Jericho, and everyone else trapped inside an inflatable bouncy castle.

"Well, Triple H! You were the only one who didn't get caught by the monster, so you win!" exclaimed Jericho.

"Sweet! You know, I found the trailer, too?" he asked.

"WHAT?" demanded Shawn from inside.

"Congrats, dude!" cheered Jericho.

Then, the 'monster' took off its mask to reveal...

"Big Show?" everyone asked.

"Whoo. Glad to be out of this damn thing." he replied.

"You're here, too?" asked Mickie.

"Sure am. I'm still your chef. Isn't that great?" he asked with a smile.

"Boo!" everyone cried.

"Hey, can I join in?" HHH asked.

"There's barely enough room in here as it is!" exclaimed Melina.

"Aw, this thing can handle one more person." he said, jumping in.

"NO!" everyone cried.

Then, he leaped in the bouncy castle, everyone inside flew up in the air, and then landed on top of each other with a loud *POP!*

"Nice, dude." muttered Jeff.

"Aw, the castle bounce is ruined! You know how much I paid for this thing?" demanded Jericho. "Anyway, since that's done, it's time for a reward challenge. There's gonna be a key hidden in a buffet of food, and trust me, there's a lot of food. The key is for the trailer you're gonna be staying in. The girls are gonna be on one team, and the guys'll be another. Whichever team finds their key first, gets first pick of their group's trailer. Simple enough, right?"

"We gotta stay in trailers?" demanded Edge. "You really are a cheapskate, Jericho."

"Hey, I'm only the host. Whine to the producers if you have to. Now when you're ready, meet me in the kitchen!" he announced.

Later that day, the gang all met in the kitchen for the reward challenge...

"Oh, crud!" Maria said, shocked.

Along this long table, all types of food were laid out!

"Wow! Steak, spaghetti, ham, this is awesome!" exclaimed Punk. "Wait, is this stuff contaminated? Or did Big Show cook it? Same thing either way."

"Naw, the producers wouldn't let me cook this stuff." Big Show muttered.

"Yep, this is gourmet stuff here. There's a key somewhere around here, so girls, go to one side of the table, and guys go to another. Remember, whoever finds the key first gets first dibs on your group's trailer. Happy eating, you little piggies!" said Jericho.

"Ok girls, listen up." announced Michelle. "None of you get in my way, none of you get hurt. Got it?"

"Michelle, you're not the boss of anyone here, all right?" demanded Melina. "So shut it before you get yourself in even deeper trouble."

She stormed up to her. "Are you trying to pick a fight with me?" she asked. "You couldn't even try to beat me, short stuff."

"Well, beanpole, at least I'm number one contender for the Women's Championship. What about you? Oh yeah! You lost yours to Maryse!" Melina said with a smirk.

The other girls laughed.

"Beanpole." scoffed Natalya.

Michelle got angrier and angrier, and then decided to dump a plate of spaghetti over Melina's head!

The other girls gasped in shock.

Melina looked surprised, too, with sauce dripping down her face.

"Oops." Michelle said darkly.

"Oh-ho ho, now you done it." she said angrily. "Taste grease, bitch!" she shouted, tossing a whole chicken at her, making her fall down.

"OW!" cried Michelle. "You just got on my bad side. You're finished!" Then, she dumped a smoothie down Melina's shirt!

"Oh!" cried the girls.

"You don't have to take that, Melina!" exclaimed Maria.

"Shut up, redhead!" Michelle snapped.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Melina snapped, tossing a cake in Michelle's face.

*SPLAT!*

"I can say whatever the hell I want!" exclaimed Michelle, then shoving her into the fruit bar.

Soon after that, both girls were rolling around in the buffet, beating the crap out of each other!

The guys looked on in surprise.

"CATFIGHT!" exclaimed Jericho.

"Shouldn't we try and break them up?" asked Matt.

Then, him and Jeff looked at the fight again.

"...Nah." they both said at the same time.

"I love catfights, don't you, Rand?" asked Edge.

He just looked on dreamily.

"Rand?"

"Oh! What?" he asked.

"Are you daydreaming about both of them?" asked Edge.

"Uh...uh...NO! I was just seeing who'd kick the other's ass." he said quickly.

"Is it the daydream where they're fighting in the mud, topless?" he asked.

"Uh huh." Orton said with a chuckle.

As the girls fought, Shawn needed a word with HHH.

"Hunter?" he asked casually.

"Listen, before you yell at me, I just want to say sorry for ignoring you back there." he replied.

"And?" asked Shawn.

"And for letting Big Show catch you."

"And?"

AND for taking the glory for finding the trailer." continued HHH.

"Is that it?" asked HBK.

"What do you want from me?" he demanded.

"You owe me. Hmm...give me $5000 and we'll be even.

"$5000?" HHH cried in shock. "Are you insane?"

"Hey, there's a fresh batch of chicken ready for you guys." announced Big Show. "Enjoy."

"Well?" Shawn asked, waiting for his money.

But HHH was hypnotized by the food to notice. "Come to papa!" he shouted, shoving him out of the way and leaping onto the table.

As he practically attacked the table, the girls continued fighting and things were getting out of control!

While Randy was enjoying the catfight, he wasn't looking when he bumped into Jeff.

"Did you just shove me?" Randy demanded.

"What? I didn't do anything! You bumped into me!" he cried back.

"You wanna argue with me?" demanded Orton, shoving him.

"Don't you shove me!" Jeff replied, shoving Randy back so much that he fell onto the table!

"That does it. You, me, right now!" Orton exclaimed, dragging him to the table, too.

Then, he dragged him to a cake and pushed him face first in the stuff.

"You're done, Orton!" Jeff exclaimed, trying to drown him in a bowl of fruit punch.

As all the madness was going on, Punk got excited and called, "FOOD FIGHT!"

"YAY!" everyone cheered as they all got caught up in the mess.

"Ok, does every challenge have to turn into a fight?" demanded Jericho. "How barbaric are you people?"

Then, Cena dumped a bowl of steak sauce on his head.

Big Show laughed. "You got served." he replied.

"Shut up, man." Jericho muttered.

"Hey! The key! I found it!" exclaimed Shawn.

"The hell you did, this thing's mine!" Triple H replied, snatching it from him. "Hey Jericho, I found the key!"

Shawn angrily glared at him.

Everyone else stopped fighting and became silent.

"Oh, goody." Jericho replied. "Now the guys get first dibs on their trailer! Let's go, people."

* * *

><p>That night, everyone approached two fairly large trailers. One looked beat up, while the other was brand new.<p>

"All right, Trips. Which trailer will you and the guys be staying in?" asked Jericho.

"Well, this should be pretty obvious." replied Matt.

"Yeah, PLEASE don't make the wrong choice." agreed Cena.

"Oh, of course I won't." HHH said. "I choose trailer number...1."

The guys groaned in despair.

"Thanks dude. Thanks a lot." Randy muttered.

"WHOOO!" the girls cheered.

"Well, enjoy your van in wreck, boys." said Melina.

"Come on, girls, let's party it up!" exclaimed Mickie.

But before they got into their brand new trailer, a huge telephone pole fell on top of the roof.

"...HEH?" demanded Natalya.

Some of the guys laughed.

"Well, now we're even." said HHH. "Nighty night, everyone."

"Night." everyone said to one another.

In the girls' trailer, they ignored the huge dent in the roof and had to pick which bed they wanted.

"Ok, let's draw straws to see who has to sleep next to beanpole-I mean Michelle." announced Melina.

Everyone except for Michelle laughed.

"Whoever gets the shortest straw is the unlucky one. Ok, go!" she said, holding a bunch of straws.

Everyone drew their straws and Michelle ended up getting the short one. "Well, looky here. I got the short one. That means, I get not one, but TWO beds to myself. Hahaha. Night, bitches." she said, climbing into bed.

The other girls glared at her.

"Well, this season here isn't gonna be as easy as I thought." Candice replied.

The others agreed.

Michelle smiled and thought, "_Got that right. Now that I'm a part of Rated RKO, there are gonna be changes around here. Big changes."_

As everyone was asleep, Jericho said, "Well, TV Land, that wraps up this episode. If they thought that things were tough this week, just wait until next week! LATER, JERICHOHOLICS!" he shouted.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" everyone else cried from their trailers.

"Jericho, where are we supposed to sleep?" asked Batista, still on the sidelines with everyone else.

"Oh, I forgot about you guys. Uh...here, use this tent." he replied, handing them a paper bag.

"You're kidding." Kane said dully.

"No." Jericho replied.

"Eh, I'll go find a box." Batista said dully.

"I'm-a coming with you!" exclaimed Santino.

Then, Batista dumped what was left of his soda on his head. "All right, I got you this time."

The Glamazon glared angrily at him as they all went off.

"I'm too good to sleep anywhere in this heap." said JBL.

Then, Kane and Undertaker glared at him.

JBL meekly got up and went to find another place.

After Kane and Undertaker went to a dark place, Maryse was left.

"You still here, Maryse?" asked Jericho.

"Who the hell are you staring at?" she demanded, whipping him with her hair.

"Wow, what a woman. Good night, everyone." he replied.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Stay tuned for episode 2!<strong>_


	5. Episode 2

_**AN: Thanks so much to MsSheerAwesomeness and therealchamps for their reviews!**_

* * *

><p><span>Total<span> WWE Action!: 'Eggs' for the Memories

Episode 2

"Yo, what's up, Jerichoholics? This is the codebreaker, Chris Jericho with another edition of Total WWE Action! On the season premiere last week, our 15 contestants reunited, some happier than others. For one thing, John Cena appeared to have some issues with girlfriend, Michelle McCool. She returned to the set with a whole new attitude, and nobody liked it, except for Randy and Edge, of course. And they reformed Rated RKO! Shocking, I know! Speaking of reformations, Shawn Michaels and Triple H had the nerve to reform D-Generation X at MY expense! Anyways, Matt and Jeff Hardy, along with Jeff's girlfriend Kelly Kelly immediately regretted Rated RKO's comeback. Mickie and Melina surprised everyone when they appeared as friends, something that hasn't been seen since the early days of TWI! Natalya still didn't lose her craziness, watch out, Randy. The first challenge was a race to find a movie trailer somewhere out on the set, and each group had to search before a huge monster caught them! The Hardys and their girls Kelly and Mickie were the first to be caught, following Melina, Natalya, and Candice, who seemed to have a thing for Cena. Maria, CM Punk, and Cena were caught next, and so did Michelle, Edge, and Randy. DX searched, until Hunter found a little treat left around. Shawn was the one who found the trailer, but the monster caught him before HHH could react! After a distraction, HHH found the trailer, everyone else, and discovered that Chef Big Show was portraying the monster, haha! The reward challenge was a boys v. girls eat off to find the key to each group's trailer. Melina and Michelle turned it into a catfight, Randy and Jeff went back to their old ways and beat the living hell out of each other, and HHH once again got distracted by the food. Fortunately for the guys, he found their team's key, giving them first pick for their trailer. This week, will Candice reveal her true feelings for Cena? And with the trio of Rated RKO, will all hell break loose? Find out this week on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was breakfast time, and everyone was chatting in the cafeteria...<p>

"Come on, dude, I said I was sorry!" exclaimed Triple H. "Can't we forgive and forget?"  
>Shawn whipped around. "Forgive and forget? First, I was taken away by Big Show, and you didn't even bother to notice. Then, you take credit for finding the trailer that I found first, and you take the glory when I found that key, too!" he exclaimed.<p>

HHH was silent. "Ok, maybe you wouldn't forget that. But come on, man, I'm sorry. I won't let it happen again." he replied.

"All right." HBK replied, shaking his hand. "Hey, we shouldn't even be arguing. We've got to find a way to humiliate Jericho today."

"I'm glad you mentioned that, cause I think I just thought of something." he replied.

"Sweet! Oh, and that reminds me." said Shawn.

"What?"

"You still owe me $5,000." he replied.

"WHAT?"

"Actually, after that incident that happened before, $5,001." he finished.

"A BUCK? You went up by a BUCK?" demanded HHH.

Shawn just smiled slyly.

* * *

><p>-Hidden camera-<p>

Triple H: "I really can't screw up around him anymore! In about 10 minutes he's gonna get me to give him my whole life savings! JEEZ!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>At another table, Punk and Maria were making out, while John looked on miserably...<p>

"Well, at least you guys are happy together." Cena replied.

"Isn't there any way to patch things up with Michelle?" asked Punk.  
>"Patch things up? I didn't even do anything! All of a sudden she's pissed at me for no reason!" he exclaimed.<p>

"Are you thinking about breaking up with her?" asked Maria.

"I don't know if I can do that. I still love her." he replied sadly. "She just can't end this. After everything we've been through."

Then, Michelle walked by. "Get me a soda, will you?" she asked.

He nodded. "Sure."

"Well, COME ON!" she exclaimed, walking on. "I'm thirsty, damn it!"

Punk and Maria glared at her.

"You really want to put up with her, man?" asked Punk. "You really deserve better."

"You deserve the old Michelle. The sweet one." agreed Maria.

"John, COME ON!" Michelle called from a distance.

"I just can't end this, you guys. Be right back." he replied, joining her.

Then, Punk and Maria looked on, feeling sorry for their friend.

At another table, Candice looked on as Cena went with Michelle.

"Candy?" asked Melina.

Silence.

"CANDY!" she yelled.

She snapped out of her trance.

"Oh! What?" she asked.

"You're crushing on him, aren't you?" asked Natalya.

"Like I said before, I just feel really sorry for him, ok?" she replied.

"Then why are you blushing like that?" asked Melina.

"Uh...it's just really hot in here." she replied.

"Or maybe you've got the hots for him." Melina replied, giggling with Natalya.

"Girls, stop it!" Candice scoffed. "He's just my friend."

"Whatever you say." Natalya replied. "I think I'll go annoy Randy now. Later."

Then, Candice looked back at a miserable John. _"It's just an innocent crush. It probably won't go any further than this."_ she thought.

At another table, Matt, Jeff, Kelly, and Mickie were chatting, too...

"Dude, you kicked Randy's ass during that food fight!" Matt exclaimed, knuckle punching him.

"Hey, he's the one who started it. If he messes with any of us again, I'll show him the true meaning of extreme!" Jeff exclaimed.

"Uh oh. Speak of the devil." Kelly replied, pointing towards Randy coming their way.

"For the last time, STOP FOLLOWING ME!" he shouted to Natalya.

"Neh!" she cried, then kicking him in the leg.

"OW! You little-" he began.

"HHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she laughed crazily, running away.

As Randy walked by, Jeff stuck his leg out and made him fall flat on his face!

"AAH!" he cried angrily. "Who did this?"

The four friends looked on casually.

"I don't know what you're talking about, dude." Jeff replied, trying not to laugh.

"You tripped me! You should know better than to mess with me of all people, the leader of Rated RKO!" he exclaimed.

"Leader?" Edge asked, joining him.

"You're co-leader." Randy told him quickly.

"Oh. Coolio." Edge replied. "See ya."

Matt threw a cup at him.

"OW!" he cried from a distance.

"Good one." laughed Mickie.

"Anyway, you better think twice before pulling anything on me." Randy said darkly.

"Dude, you say the same damn thing every time. You think I'm supposed to be afraid of you? Intimidated? Well, keep trying, cause it's never gonna work with me. You try anything on me, and I'll just get you back. Simple as that." Jeff replied.

"Oh, really. Maybe if something involves someone you love getting seriously hurt, you'll listen to me." Randy replied, looking at Kelly.

She looked nervous and backed away.

"YOU LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS, YOU BASTARD!" he screamed.

"Hahaha." Orton chuckled. "Now I know your weakness. See you around."

Matt had to hold his brother back while he was still fuming mad.

Then...

"MY PEOPLE!" Jericho exclaimed, bursting in the room.

"AW!" everyone groaned.

"Well, I'm happy to see you, too." he said sarcastically. "Anyways, I came to present your next challenge to you!"

"Can't wait for this one." Shawn said sarcastically.

"Ok, there are alien eggs hidden all over the set. Your challenge is to find them all and then bring them back to the trailers. But it won't be easy. Chef Big Show-"

"That's me." he replied.

"-Is gonna play the role of the mother alien. He's gonna hunt you guys down with his paintball rifle!" Jericho exclaimed.

"What is it with you and paintball guns, anyway?" asked Melina.

"It's painful and enjoyable at the same time! Brings people together, you know? So, basically, if you get paintballed, you're out. Whoever wins the challenge gets a special treat at the end. Isn't that fun?" he asked.

"No." everyone said dully.

"It is for me." Big Show smiled.

...

A few minutes later, everyone was led to this set which had alien paintings and green gloop everywhere.

"UGH!" cried Maria. "What is this stuff?"

"Well, I couldn't find any green silly putty, so Big Show had some old chicken fat lying around, so..." Jericho began.

"UGH-NO!" everyone shouted, running inside the set.

"Cool." Natalya exclaimed, touching it.

"Nattie, that's gross!" Melina exclaimed, dragging her along.

Everyone split into groups. Rated RKO searched one part on the set...

"Hey, Randy? You've been smiling a lot lately. What's going on?" asked Michelle.

"Oh, I just know Hardy's true weakness." he replied.

"What?" asked Edge.

"Kelly Kelly. He'll do anything to protect her. If she was in some kind of situation, he be the first one at the scene, AND he'd be willing to kill whoever's hurting her." he replied.

"So how's she his weakness?" asked Michelle.

"If I threaten her, it'll be a direct warning to Jeff not to mess with Rated RKO." Randy said, smiling. "Get it now?"

"I do." Michelle smiled.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the two laughed evilly.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Edge joined in. "Haha, you guys rock!"

_"Hello? Anyone home?"_ Big Show asked from a corner.

"Damn it! We gotta hide, you guys!" Randy exclaimed.

The three ran as fast as they could, but Edge tripped and fell.

"Come on!" Michelle called from a distance.

But it was too late.

Randy and Michelle were gone, and Big Show approached him.

"Damn you." Edge said darkly. "I'm the Rated R Superstar! Nobody can-" he began.

Then, Big Show blasted him with the rifle, leaving Edge in a sticky mess.

"Aw, you got my hair, dude! DAMN YOU!" Edge cried.

...

On another part of the set, John, Maria, Candice, and Punk were searching...

"Oh, awesome!" exclaimed Punk.

"You found an egg?" asked Cena.

"No, a quarter! Sweet!" he exclaimed.

Maria punched his arm. "Punky! We gotta focus or else we'll lose! C'mon!" she exclaimed, leading the way. "Besides, I bet I could find way more eggs than you can."

Punk looked surprised. "Oh, really? You do remember that I have reflexes like a cheetah. I bet I can find 10 eggs in the time that you could find 1." he replied.

"All righty then. It's a bet, babe." Maria said, shaking his hand.

Then, they almost shoved each other out of the way while they sped off.

John and Candice just watched them go.

"They didn't even bet on anything." he said, confused.

Candice laughed. "So, I guess it's just you and me." she replied.

"Cool with me." he said with a smile. "Ladies first."

She blushed. "Thanks." she replied. "I'm just so psyched that we all have a chance to win a million bucks!"

"So am I! But what the hell's with those damn Jericho awards? The guy's conceited enough as it is, now he needs a stupid looking statue of himself to prove it? When I get one, I'll probably crack it over his head."

Candice laughed even more. "Maybe you should leave that to DX. They're all for torturing Jericho." she replied.

"True. I'll leave it to them, then." he replied.

Maria and Punk quickly sped past them, carrying tons of eggs.

"How many you got?" demanded Punk.

"6, beat that!" she exclaimed.

"9, babe. 9." he replied.

"9?" she demanded.

As they kept racing on, Candice was distracted and didn't see where she was walking.

Out of a shelf, a paint bucket fell down and hit her on the head.

*BONK!*

"OW!" she cried, falling to the ground.

"Candice!" John cried, rushing to her. "Are you all right?"

"Ow. I-I'll be ok." she replied, holding her head.

Then, John carefully lifted her up. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"Aside from a killer headache, I'll be fine." she smiled.

He gave her a hug. "Good. I'm glad you're not hurt." he said sincerely.

This time, she blushed more than ever.

After that, Big Show came in and saw the two covered in green paint. "I already got you guys? All righty then. You're out." he said, walking away.

They looked at each other, surprised. "Heh?" they both asked

...

At another part of the set, Matt, Jeff, Kelly, and Mickie were hoping to find some eggs of their own...

"Calm down, dude." Matt told his bro. "Don't listen to what Orton says."

"Yeah, even if he did try anything, he'd fail. I mean, the guy's wearing an Elvis wig for God's sakes!" agreed Mickie.

They all laughed.

"He's not gonna hurt me while you're by my side." Kelly said, giving him a kiss.

"You guys are right. Orton couldn't do crap if he tried. Now we've got a challenge to win. Let's go!" Jeff exclaimed.

Then, as they were about to turn a corner, Chef Big Show blocked their path with his rifle ready. "Peek-a-boo! Here comes my gun!" he cried.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" they screamed, running the other way.

With Big Show in hot pursuit, the gang sped past every corner, until Mickie dragged them to a good hiding spot.

"Good thinking, Micks." whispered Matt. "He'll never find us here."

"Hell, he couldn't fit in here." agreed Jeff.

As the four stayed totally silent, Big Show peeked every corner, just missing where they were hiding. Then, he walked away.

"I think it's safe now." said Kelly.

Then, they left the cramped up hiding spot and went on their way.

"Wow, how close were we from being road kill, huh?" asked Mickie.

Then, while they weren't looking, Big Show came back in and shot!

Matt turned around and caught the paintball going towards Kelly. "Kelly, look out!" he cried.

"AAH!" she screamed in terror.

Jeff had to do something before it was too late.

"NO!" he cried, leaping in front of her, taking the paintball for her.

As he 'fell limp' to the ground, Kelly held her boyfriend in her arms. "Jeff!" she cried.

"I'm not gonna let you get hurt, Kel." he said weakly. "I love you."

She took his hand. "I love you, too." she replied.

"Guys." Mickie said dully. "It's just a paintball. You're fine."

"We're setting the drama." Jeff replied in his regular voice.

Big Show watched, crying his eyes out. "Beautiful! Just beautiful!" he cried.

Then, Kelly stood up. "Take me, too! Just do it!" she exclaimed.

"Kelly, NO!" cried Jeff.

He sobbed. "Ok."

Then, Big Show fired another paintball at her.

"AAH!" she screamed, falling beside Jeff.

Matt and Mickie just looked on.

"...Wow." replied Matt.

Then, Big Show was about to aim at them next.

"Oh crap! We gotta get outta here!" exclaimed Mickie.

They tried to drag Jeff and Kelly with them, but then had to run by themselves.

"Sorry, you guys!" called Matt.

"Hey!" called Kelly.

"Yeah, thanks!" Jeff called back, sarcastically.

* * *

><p>-Hidden camera-<p>

Kelly: "I just love everything about Jeff. He's sweet, kind, always thinks about others, does his own thing, and I love when he goes all sarcastic, hehe. :) "

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Matt and Mickie were on the run from Big Show, until...<p>

"YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM MOMMY ALIEN!" he shouted, crazily firing his rifle around.

Mickie did a few backflips and then got ready to kick him in the face, but he beat her to the punch and fired a paintball, hitting her in the stomach.

"OW!" she cried.

"Mickie! You all right?" asked Matt, coming to her aid.

"Yeah." she replied.

Then there was just an awkward silence as Big Show waited to get him next.

"Let's get this over with." Matt said dully.

"Ok." replied Big Show. Then, he fired.

"That was fun." he finished.

...

In another part of the set, D-Generation X, along with Melina and Natalya were searching, too. Would they find anything?

Natalya was leading the way, sniffing her way around like a greyhound.

"Uh...does she always do that?" asked HHH.

"Yeah. You get used to it eventually." Melina replied. "Any trace of Big Show, Nattie?"

*sniff sniff* "Nope. We're good." she replied.

Then, Shawn found a string hanging from the ceiling in front of him. "Ooh, what does this do?" he asked, curious.

"I don't think you should do that." said Melina.

"Why not? Looks harmless." he replied.

"I'm agreeing with Mel here." replied HHH. "Might be some trap or something."

"Well, what do you think I should do, Nattie?" asked Shawn.

"PULL THE STRING!" she shouted.

"YEAH!" he agreed happily.

"Ok, are we the only ones with some common sense around here?" demanded Hunter.

Then, he pulled the string, taking out the floor from under their feet.

"...I guess so." replied Melina.

Then the four of them fell all the way to the bottom.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all screamed.  
>*THUD!*<p>

"Uhh. Everyone all right?" asked Melina.

"Yeah-yup." they replied.

"You see what happens when you get carried away?" demanded HHH.

"Speak for yourself, man!" HBK replied.

Then, from a balcony, Big Show dumped a bucket of green 'slime' all over all four of them!

"AWW!" they all groaned.

"I'm sorry." Shawn said finally.

"Hahahaha!" Big Show laughed. "Nice try."

The four just glared up at him.

"I'm not going down without a fight." said Natalya.

"Nattie, what's going on?" asked Melina.

"You'll see." she replied, getting a HUGE paintball bazooka!

"W-Where'd you get that?" demanded Big Show.

"Oh, it was just lying around over here. *click* Like Cena says, 'you want some, come get some!' " she exclaimed, crazily firing her gun around.

"FINE!" Big Show replied, crazily firing his gun.

"AAH!" Melina screamed in terror, leaping into HHH's arms.

"Hey, that looks fun! I got an idea." Shawn said, grabbing a trampoline.

"What the hell is he up to now?" Triple H asked dully.

Then, he leaped up and down on the trampoline, and when he reached Big Show, he delivered an aerodynamic version of Sweet Chin Music!

"Whoa." the others said.

"...Huh?" Big Show exclaimed, falling unconscious.

"I rock." HBK replied proudly.

...

While everyone else was caught, only Randy, Michelle, Punk, and Maria were left. Who'd win the challenge?

"I can't believe Edge couldn't keep up with us!" exclaimed Randy. "Being caught first isn't what Rated RKO is about. It's about winning!"

"And being better than any wannabes!" added Michelle.

"Exactly. And now that everyone else's been caught, we're in the clear to find the remaining eggs." he replied.

As they ran, they bumped right into Punk and Maria, who were carrying truckloads of eggs.

"Oh, crap!" Punk exclaimed, trying to grab them all back.

"How many did you get?" asked Maria.

"45. You?" he asked.

"82." she replied with a smile.

"82?" Punk, Michelle, and Orton exclaimed.

"...Uh huh." she replied.

Then, Orton and Michelle looked at each other, shoved Punk and Maria down, and stole their eggs!

"HEY!" cried Maria.

"YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THOSE!" Punk shouted, ripping off Randy's wig.

"NO!" he shouted.

"Oh, you want it?" Punk asked with a sick smile.

"Give it back." Orton said darkly.

"Come get it." Punk replied, dropping it into a hot tar pit down below.

Randy was furious.

"Orton, forget it!" called Michelle. We got the eggs, let's get outta here!"

"Yeah." he replied, glaring at Punk and Maria.

As they ran, the boyfriend/girlfriend team were hot on their tails as they approached the front doors.

"I see the trailers!" exclaimed Maria.

As they ran, Punk and Maria were able to tackle Orton and Michelle for their eggs.

"NO!" cried Michelle. "Get back here!'

After that, Chef Big Show was awake again and crazily fired his rifle towards the four.

"AAH!" Michelle exclaimed, getting hit.

"Michelle!" cried Randy.

"Go on without me!" she exclaimed. "Stop them!"

He nodded and ran after the two.

"We're in the clear, Maria!" exclaimed Punk.

"I don't think so!" Orton exclaimed, trying to tackle them back.

As if things weren't already crazy enough, Jericho appeared out of nowhere and dumped balloons of slime towards all of them.

"AAAAHHH!" Maria and Punk exclaimed, leaping out of harms way. But it wasn't the same for Randy.

"DAMN!" he exclaimed, being covered in the mess.

The two almost lost all their eggs while dodging, but then they regained them all and finally reached the trailers!

"WHOOO!" they both exclaimed, hugging each other.

"We did it, babe!" cheered Punk. "And how in the hell did you get 82 eggs?"

"Does it matter?" she asked.

"Nope!" he cheered.

...

Later that evening, everyone met back at the 'auditorium'...

"Ok, Maria, Punk, congrats on finding the eggs!" exclaimed Jericho.

"So..." began Maria.

"So..." repeated Jericho.

"What's our prize for winning?" asked Punk.

"Well, since the two of you won, you both get to be team captains starting next week!" he exclaimed.

"What?" Punk asked dully.

"Both of you get to choose who'll be on your team." he clarified.

"Awesome!" exclaimed Maria.

"Pick me-me-me!" everyone shouted to them.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA, MAINTAIN!" shouted Jericho.

Silence.

"Ok. Remember, this is NEXT week! Right now, though, it's everyone's favorite part of the day. Elimination time!"

Everyone groaned.

"Now instead of voting in a confessional like last year, we ordered some high tech voting thingies! WOO!" he cheered.

"Shut up." Orton muttered.

"A-hem. Anyways, all you have to do is vote for the person you want out and whoever gets the most amount of votes is outta here. And one last thing. Tonight, not one, but TWO of you guys are outta here."

"BOO!" everyone called to him.

"You do NOT boo Y2J! I don't come up with this stuff, all right? Ok, sign in your votes...now."

"You're not gonna vote me, are you guys?" Edge asked.

"I dunno. You were the first to get caught." replied Orton.

"It was a mistake! It'll never happen again!" he exclaimed. "Hey, you lost your wig."

"GRR!" Randy fumed.

"I'm sorry! SORRY!" he said quickly.

"Jeff, are you ok?" asked Kelly.

He was furiously pushing the Randy clicker.

"You can't vote more than once on these things?" he asked.

Then, it started smoking and then...

*BOOM!*

He tossed it away just in time for it to blow up!

"Oops." he replied.

"THAT IS AN EXPENSIVE PIECE OF MACHINERY!" screamed Jericho.

"Like you really paid for this cheap piece of crap." Jeff replied.

"Yeah...I did." he replied.

"Well, that's not my problem, now is it?" he asked.

Jericho just glared at him. "Ok, voting's over, and I have the results. Cena, Candice, Meilina, you're safe."

"WHOO!" they cheered.

Candice and Cena hugged, blushed, and then quickly pulled away.

"Hmm." Michelle said, suspicious.

"Punk, Maria, Jeff, and Kelly, you're safe!" he exclaimed.

"WHOO!" they cheered.

"Matt, Mickie, Michelle, safe!"

"WHOO!"

"D-Generation X, safe. What a surprise." Jericho said miserably.

"HAHA!" they laughed in victory.

"Ok, Edge, Randy, and Natalya. Only one of you is safe. And that person is..."

All three of them looked terrified.

Everyone else was dead silent.

"Randy." finished Jericho.

"DAMN!" Jeff cried from the crowd.

"YES!" he exclaimed.

Edge and Natalya looked shocked.

"I'm sorry, man." Randy told Edge. "Not you." he told Natalya.

"Hmph!" she exclaimed, kicking him in the shin.

"OW!" he cried.

"Sorry, Edge." said Michelle.

"Don't worry, you guys. Rated RKO isn't over. I'll totally be back." he replied, going down the red carpet of loserdom and into the Lambo of suckers.

"Hey, this interior's pretty sweet!" Natalya exclaimed from inside.

"Yeah, fuzzy!" Edge agreed.

As the lambo drove off, it went around a corner and then returned back to the sidelines with Batista and the others.

"Are we back home already?" Edge asked, getting out.

"No. Here, when you get eliminated, you don't go home. You just join our friends here on the sidelines and watch." Jericho replied.

"Then what's the point of the Lambo and everything?" demanded Matt.

"It's for fun, dude!" he replied.

"Nattie!" exclaimed Maryse.

"Maryse!" she exclaimed, hugging her friend.

"Well. You weren't kidding when you said you'd be back." Orton said with a chuckle.

"Told ya. The three of us are gonna dominate no matter what!" Edge exclaimed.

Then he saw Undertaker lurking over him.

"I'm gonna...move over...there." Edge said, slowly moving away.

Michelle and Randy backed away, too.

"They were smart to run." Taker said darkly.

"And Jericho?" asked HHH.

"Yeah?"

"Shawn and I have a little surprise for you." he said.

"Uh oh." Jericho replied.

Shawn pulled another string from a tree and exclaimed, "SURPRISE! HAHAHA!"

Then, he pulled the string, and a bunch of balloons filled with the green dyed chicken fat dribbled all over him.

"Pfft." Jericho spat some 'slime' out.

"You got served again." Big Show chuckled.

"...Shut up." he replied.

"And if you're not down with that, we only got two words for ya!" exclaimed Triple H.

Then, the two did the patented DX crotch chop.

"SUCK IT!" they both finished.

"WHOOOOOOO!" everyone else cheered.

"Ok, show's over. Good night, everyone. Pfft." he spat again.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Next episode: The two teams are chosen and the teams must put on a play, but once the wrong scripts are given, all goes awry on set.<strong>_


	6. TWA Extra

_**AN: Ok, this is just a lil one shot that I wanted to do that explains a backstory of two of the characters in this season, which will make more sense later on in the season.**_

* * *

><p><span>TWA<span> Extra - Friends Never Say Goodbye

On the set of TWA, Maria and Jeff were working on a secret project, while Kelly and Punk would later get suspicious of them...

Jeff was carrying a box of supplies to a trailer, when Kelly ran into him.

"Hey, sweetie, I was looking all over for you!" she exclaimed.

"Hey, Kel! What's up?" he asked.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go out for some coffee or something." she replied.

"Uh, I'd really love to, Kel, but I've got a ton of work to do." he replied.

"Really? Like what?" she asked.

"Uh...just a project I'm working on." he replied nervously.

"I can help you with it if you want." she replied.

"That'd be awesome, but it's something I just have to do. Don't worry, we'll definitely go out later, ok?" he asked, giving her a kiss.

"Ok, then." she replied. "I love you." she called to him.

"I love you, too." he called back to her.

...

Meanwhile, Maria was also bringing a box of supplies to a trailer, when Punk ran into her.

"Hey, babe." he greeted.

"Hey, Punky." she replied.

"So, you want to go out for a smoothie or what?" he asked.

"That'd be awesome, but I've got a lot to do." she replied, carrying the heavy box.

"Really? What do you have to do?" he asked.

"Um, just something." she replied nervously. "Anyways, I really gotta go. We'll hang out later, ok?"

"All right, if you're that busy." he replied.

She gave him a kiss. "I love you, CM." she said with a smile.

"I love you, too, Ria. See you." he replied.

...

A few minutes later, Jeff and Maria both met up at the same trailer...

"Hey, Jeff!" she greeted.

"Hey, Maria. You got the stuff?" he asked.

"Sure do." she replied, dumping out a bunch of supplies.

"Awesome." he replied. "You know, it's pretty cool doing this project together."

"I know, right?" she asked. "I guess we're both feeling...artsy today!"

They both laughed.

"True that." agreed Jeff. "I hope Kelly isn't too disappointed about me doing this project instead, though. She asked if we could go out for some coffee and I kinda turned it down."

"Same with me and Punk." agreed Maria. "Except for us it was smoothies." she giggled. "I-I wonder if they'll ever find out that we used to date each other."

"I don't know, either." he said nervously. "They'd probably kill us if they did find out."

"Well, that happened a long time ago. Way before you and Kelly and Punk and I got together, so it shouldn't be too bad to tell them." she replied. "...Maybe it will."

"Yep, I remember that time when we first decided to start going out." Jeff replied.

* * *

><p><em>Flashback - about early 2006:<em>

In a WWE arena, Maria was painting something on a wall when Jeff joined her.

"Hey, Maria! Whatcha up to?" he asked.

"Hey, Jeff!" she greeted. "Just doing some paintin'."

"Cool. Need any help?" he asked.

"That's ok. I'm just about finished." she replied.

Then, when she tried to reach another corner of the wall, she lost her balance on the ladder she was on and slipped off.

"WHOA!" she cried.

"Maria!" Jeff cried, catching her in his arms.

"Wow." she said in surprise. "Thanks!"

He let her back down. "No prob. You ok?" he asked.

"Yeah." she replied with a smile. "Thank goodness you were here or else I'd be a goner."

"Really, it's no problem." he replied. "Hey, if you're not busy or anything, you want to get some coffee or something later?"

She smiled. "Sure!" she exclaimed.

Later at Starbucks...

"Ok, one frappuccino for you and a decaf for me." Jeff announced.

"Thank you!" she exclaimed.

"Sure, it's my treat." he replied. "So, how's life?"

"Same old, same old." she replied. "You?"

"Same here." he replied, listening to his ipod.

"Hey, what are you listening to?" she asked. "Is that Def Leppard?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?" he asked.

"I can recognize that guitar riff anywhere!" she exclaimed.

"You want to listen?" he asked. "It's one of my favorite songs."

"Sure!" she exclaimed, sharing the headphones with him. "You know, this is pretty nice."

"Yeah, it is." he agreed.

"Uh, Jeff I was wondering something." she said. "I know we've been friends ever since I first came here and we've been close, right?"

"Sure." he agreed. "We have a lot in common."

"Yeah! Have you ever thought how it'd be like...if we dated?" she asked nervously.

He blushed. "Uh, well I guess it wouldn't hurt to try." he said nervously.

"Yeah, it'll be like an experiment or something." agreed Maria. "If it doesn't work out, we'll just stick to being friends."

"Exactly." he agreed. "So, uh, should we, you know, kiss?"

"Ok." she agreed, gazing at him. "I've actually always wanted to kiss the likes of you."

He chuckled. "Same here, Red."

They looked at each other for a few seconds and then leaned in for a passionate kiss.

* * *

><p><em>Back to today...<em>

"Haha, I was so nervous that day." chuckled Jeff.

"Me, too!" agreed Maria. "Hmm. I wonder how Punk and Kelly are doing without us."

Meanwhile, they were wandering around the site, until they ran into each other.

"Hey, Kelly." greeted Punk.

"Hey, Punk." she greeted. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing." he replied dully. "You?"

"Same here." she agreed. "I asked Jeff if we could go get some coffee, but he said he needed to work on this project."

"Really?" asked Punk. "I asked Maria if we could go get some smoothies, but she said the same thing."

"Oh?" she asked. "That's weird."

"Yeah." he said suspiciously. "Do you think they're working on this project together?"

"They might be. But he told me that he was working on this thing by himself." she replied.

"Maria said that she was working by herself. So, they both lied to us so that they could work together?" he asked seriously.

"Well, we shouldn't get worried or anything. I mean, they're just friends." replied Kelly.

"Friends with a lot in common." he replied. "I think it's time for a little snooping."

"Punk, we can't do that!" exclaimed Kelly. "It's wrong to sneak up on someone."

"Don't you want to make sure they're not seeing each other behind our backs?" he asked.

"They'd never cheat on us, though." she replied.

"You can never be too careful, though." Punk replied, taking her along. "C'mon."

Back in the trailer...

"Hey, could you hold the ladder while I fix something up here?" asked Maria. "I don't want to fall like the last time."

"Sure." replied Jeff. "Hey, remember how our first date went?"

She laughed. "Oh, my God, that was one of the craziest nights ever!"

* * *

><p><em>Flashback...<em>

They went to this amusement park called Thrillville.

"Sweet, we made it! So, what do you want to do first?" asked Jeff.

"Hmm. Could you last on the Puke initiator without puking?" Maria asked with a smile.

"Let's find out." Jeff asked with a smile.

A few minutes later, they both got settled in the ride while the worker guy gave them both barf bags.

"First one who pukes loses." announced Maria.

"I'll win, then." Jeff replied.

"We'll see about that, tough guy." she laughed.

After that, the ride started and they were tossed and turned all over the place for over 5 minutes!

When the ride stopped...

"O-Ok, let's call it a tie." Maria said weakly. "So, what do you want to do now?"

"Well..." began Jeff.

Then, they went on all kinds of rides, such as The Demonator, the biggest rollercoaster in the park, the Dizzy Effect, which was the fastest spinning ride ever, a round of bumper cars, and a ton of arcade games.

Later...

"Wow, this was the best time I ever had!" she exclaimed, holding a teddy bear. "Thanks for a great night, Jeff."

"No problem, I had a lot of fun, too." he agreed, taking her hand.

Then, they gazed into each other's eyes and leaned in for another passionate kiss. In their own minds, they saw fireworks.

* * *

><p><em>Back to today...<em>

"I'll never forget that night." Maria said, trying to reach a corner of the wall.

"Me neither." agreed Jeff.

Outside, Kelly and Punk snuck to their trailer, to find the two together.

"I knew it!" exclaimed Punk. "Look at the way he's standing behind her. Like he's checking her out!"

"Punk, they're not doing anything!" exclaimed Kelly.

"How can you be so understanding about this? Your boyfriend and my girlfriend are checking each other out!" he exclaimed angrily.

Then, from the inside, Maria accidentally slipped off of the ladder again, landed in Jeff's arms, and the two playfully landed on the ground, laughing.

"They're all over each other, damn it. I'm goin in there." Punk said angrily.

"Punk, stop it!" exclaimed Kelly. "We're not going in there because they'd never sneak around behind us."

Then, she looked back in and then looked a little sad. "Well, they do look like they're having a lot of fun." she said.

"Ok, here's what we do." said Punk. "You and I pretend to date-"

"Not gonna work. Remember, Michelle and Cena did that to get back with you and Maria when you two got together, and after that, all hell broke loose." she replied.

"Oh, yeah." he agreed. "What should we do to get them to like us again?...That's it!"

"What?" asked Kelly.

"Follow me. I got an idea." he said, taking her along.

Later...

Maria and Jeff were just about finished with their project and looked back at their work.

"Well, we did it, Maria." announced Jeff. "Nice work."

"Thanks, right back at you." she replied. "That was a lot of fun!"

"Totally!" he agreed.

"Yep, we had our good times, and then came the day when we had to break up." Maria said.

* * *

><p><em>Flashback...<em>

The two were at Starbucks again, thinking about their relationship...

They were pretty quiet until...

"Maria? Are you all right?" asked Jeff.

"Hmm? Yeah, I was just thinking. How about you? You haven't said much all day." she replied.

"Heh heh. I was thinking, too." he replied.

"Is it about our relationship?" she asked.

"Uh..." he began nervously.

"It's ok, you can tell me." she replied.

"Well, yeah." he said shyly. "Maria, you're awesome to be with, and I know we have a lot in common, and you're totally beautiful, but...there's someone else."

"I understand." she said with a smile.

"I'm really sorry, Ria." he said, taking her hand.

"Seriously, it's ok." she replied. "Actually, there's someone else for me, too."

"Really? Who?" he asked.

"Um, Punk. I've always had a little crush on him and I like him." she replied. "Who do you have a crush on?"

"Kelly." he replied. "I know she's going out with somebody else, but...I've always really liked her."

"Aww." she giggled. "So, I guess if there's other people, we should break up."

"I guess so." he agreed. "But no matter what, I'll always love you as a friend, Maria."

She smiled. "I'll always love you as a friend, too. One last kiss?" she asked.

He smiled. "Sure." he replied as they kissed for the last time.

* * *

><p><em>Back to today...<em>

"...And no matter what happens, we'll always be friends." Maria said.

"Best friends." Jeff replied, giving her a hug.

Then, Kelly (dressed as Maria with a wig) and Punk (dressed as Jeff with his hair dyed purple) accidentally bursted in the room.

They whipped around.

"Guys?" asked Jeff.

"Uh, hey!" exclaimed Kelly. "What's up, dudes?"

"Hey, nice...what is that?" Punk asked, looking at the painting they made.

"It's abstract." they both replied.

"...Huh?" asked Punk.

"Outside." Maria said, leading them both out. "Ok, what's going on, you guys?"

"Yeah, why are you two dressed like us?" asked Jeff.

"Uh, well, we kinda thought..." began Kelly.

"You two were seeing each other behind our backs." Punk finished quickly. "So we decided to steal your looks."

Jeff and Maria looked at each other and then laughed.

"What?" asked Punk.

"You guys! We're sorry we couldn't make plans with you, but all we were doing was painting and that's it!" exclaimed Maria.

"...Oh." Kelly said, taking off the wig.

"Uh, we used to see each other, though." Jeff announced.

Then, Kelly and Punk just stood there, shocked.

"Jeff!" cried Maria. "I thought that was supposed to stay a secret!"

"I think they deserve to know." he replied.

"You WHAT?" demanded Punk. "Dude, I thought we were friends! How could you go out with her?"

"Calm down, man! We went out for a little while back in 06. Punk, you and Maria weren't even together, and Kelly, you and I weren't together yet." he explained.

"But we realized that I really loved you, Punk, and Kelly, Jeff really loved you." continued Maria.

"Aww. So, you guys broke up for us?" asked Kelly.

"Yeah." replied Jeff. "Kelly, I love you and I always will. But, Maria's like a sister to me, you know, I've never had a sister and now I know what it's like."

"And Jeff's like the big brother that I've never had." agreed Maria. "So, don't get mad at him, CM."

He sighed. "You're right. Sorry for going off at you, man." he told Jeff.

"No problem." he replied.

"And we're sorry for getting all suspicious, too." added Kelly. "We should've known better. Are we still friends?"

"Of course!" exclaimed Maria, giving her a hug.

"Well, now that that's settled, how about we go on a double date?" asked Jeff.

"Yeah, we've still got some time off from Jericho and his challenges, so we better enjoy ourselves while we can." agreed Kelly.

"I'm up for that!" exclaimed Maria. "And CM, how'd you get the purple wig?"

"Uh, it's not a wig." he said meekly.

"Dude." Jeff said dully.


	7. Episode 3

Total WWE Action!: Filmmaker's Dozen

Episode 3

"What's good, TV Land? This is the ayatollah of rock and rolla, Chris Jericho with another unpredictable episode of TWA coming right up. Last week, Punk and Maria tried to convince Cena to break away from Michelle, but unfortunately for him, he still needed the vicious demon. Jeff pulled a nice little prank on Randy, but after he threatened Kelly Kelly, Jeff was furious! When the challenge began, it was all about the sci-fi when everyone had to search for alien eggs while escaping from Chef Big Show, AKA Mommy Alien! Edge was caught first, after being left behind by Randy and Michelle, Maria and Punk held a contest of their own to see who could find the most eggs, while a bucket to Candice's head brought out the compassion of Cena. Too bad for them, they were caught next. Matt, Jeff, Kelly, and Mickie all tried to escape Mommy Alien, but J-Kel were caught next, after a dramatic little moment. Then, it was Matt and Mickie's chance to escape, but Big Show got them, too! D-Generation X, Melina, and Natalya all found a room, but when Shawn got a little curious, they were sent on a roller coaster ride down to a basement, when the Big man got them all at the same time! But Nattie and Shawn weren't taking that lying down. Natalya started a paintball war, all while HBK finished it off with an arial version of Sweet Chin Music! Michelle, Orton, Maria, and Punk were left, and after finding out of Maria's 82 eggs, it was an all out war to get back to home base! After a few tackles, Michelle was caught, leaving Randy on his own. Fortunately, Maria and Punk arrived to the trailers, with all their eggs in tact. Can't say the same for Orton, though. I slimed him good! And he lost his wig, too. Elimination time was back, and Natalya, Edge, and Randy were the bottom 3. But in the end, Edge and Nattie were out, and back on the sidelines. Oh...and I got slimed by DX. I don't want to talk about it. This week, what trouble will DX find themselves in? Will Candice and Cena get closer? And will Rated RKO start a war with the Hardys? Find out this week on Total...WWE...Action!

* * *

><p>"I can't believe I'm already out of the competition!" exclaimed Edge. "The second damn week! Neither of you guys voted me off, did you?"<p>

"Why in the world would we do that?" asked Randy.

"I was the first to be caught by Big Show, remember? Being caught first is NOT what Rated RKO is about!" he exclaimed.

"You didn't mean to be caught first. It just happened. And trust me, I didn't do a thing to get you off of the show." said Michelle.

"Same here. Rated RKO sticks together. Nobody ever rats out an ally." finished Randy.

"All right, then who else would have the audacity to vote ME, the Rated R Superstar out?" Edge demanded.

Randy and Michelle just looked at him.

"What?"

"Dude, who else would want to get rid of you more than anyone else?" asked Randy. "It's pretty obvious."

Edge growled. "Matt Hardy and his goody goody friends. THEY did this to me!"

"Bingo." replied Michelle. "We gotta get revenge on them. They have to regret breaking up Rated RKO."

Then, Randy smiled evilly.

"Uh oh. You're smiling. That means you have a plan!" Edge smiled.

"Damn right." he replied.

Then, Melina walked by to visit her friends on the sidelines, when she bumped into Michelle.

"Move it, bitch." Melina told her.

She shoved her. "Why don't you make me?" Michelle snapped.

Melina shoved her back. "All right, I will!" she replied.

As the girls got in each other's faces, Randy said, "Hi, Melina."

They stared at him.

"Get lost, Orton." she muttered.

"Mel, wait!" he called.

"What the hell do you want from me?" she snapped.

He smiled. "You. Can we give our relationship another chance?" he asked.

"We have no relationship." *whistle* she replied.

Then, Natalya came to her side. "What's up?" she asked.

"Oh God, no." Orton muttered.

"Get him." Melina replied. "He's harassing me."

Nattie smiled. "No problem."

"No...NO!" Randy replied as Natalya chased him around and around. "Leave me alone, you basket case!"

"Why the hell did you do that for?" demanded Michelle.

"Cause." Meilna smiled. "Now if you excuse me, I've got things to do. _Que estupido poco perra! Que no se cree que es?"_ she muttered in Spanish.

"Ooh, burn!" exclaimed Edge.

"What the hell did she call me?" demanded Michelle.

...

Meanwhile, Kelly visited Jeff in the guys' trailer to see what he was up to...

"Hey, sweetie! What's up?" she asked.

He gave her a kiss. "Hey, beautiful! I'm just trying to choose what color face paint I should use today. What do you think?" he asked.

"Hmm. I like that one!" she exclaimed, pointing to one on the right.

"Nice choice! You know, I love how creative you are, Kel." he said sincerely.

"Aw, thanks, Jeff! I love how creative you are, too...And I was wondering..." she began.

"Yeah?"

"You think I could try some of that on, too?" asked Kelly. "It looks really cool on you and I wanted to try it."

He smiled. "Hey, that's a really nice idea. In fact, I've got the perfect design for you." Jeff replied.

"Yay!" she exclaimed happily.

"Ok, stay as still as you can..." he said.

A few minutes later, Jeff and Kelly caught up with Matt, Mickie, and D-Generation X to show them their new look...

"...I'm telling you, KFC is WAY better than Boston Market!" argued Triple H.

"Does it really matter?" asked Shawn.

"It's a hot topic, dude!" HHH argued back.

"Ok, you guys. Let's compromise. Both of them are good, ok?" asked Mickie.

"NEVER compare KFC with Boston Market!" HHH exclaimed.

"Well, you tried, Mickie." Matt told his girlfriend.

"Hey, guys!" called Kelly.

They turned around to find the surprise.

"...Whoa." the four said at once.

"You like?" asked Jeff.

Both of them wore silver and blue face paint, with all sorts of cool designs added.

"Ok, did you two decide that you want to become twins or something?" asked Shawn.

"No, you see, Kelly wanted her face painted, too. So I decided it would be a good idea for us to get the same design." explained Jeff.

"Well, that's a cute idea!" exclaimed Mickie.

"Yeah, and nice use of colors, too!" added Matt.

"Thanks! You know, this glows in the dark?" asked Kelly.

"Hey, I want my face painted!" exclaimed Triple H.

"Yeah, me, too!" agreed Shawn. "You have anything green, you know, DX like?"

"Uh, sure!" replied Jeff.

"Do you have purple? I love purple! And yellow, too!" exclaimed Mickie.

"How about red, dude? And black?" asked Matt.

"!^$!^%$!%^$!^!" everyone shouted things at the same time.

"Ok, ok, HOLD IT!" Jeff screamed.

Silence.

"I'll paint all your faces. It's no biggie." he replied.

"Wow, next thing you know, they'll want their hair dyed, too!" exclaimed Kelly. "Like ours!"

"CAN I HAVE MY HAIR DYED, TOO?" everyone asked at the same time.

"Oops. Sorry." Kelly blushed.

Jeff kissed her again. "You don't have to apologize. Hey, if I charge them, I don't know...about 20 bucks each, we'll get what we want to eat and we don't have to buy Big Show's crap."

"_I heard that!"_ Chef Big Show called.

...

Later, everyone was hanging out while Jericho bursted in...

"NO MAKING OUT ON SET!" he cried to Punk and Maria through a megaphone.

"What the hell-get lost, Jericho!" demanded Punk.

"YOU TWO! NO FLIRTING!" he shouted to Cena and Candice.

"Uh..who said we were flirting?" asked Cena.

"Yeah, who?" Candice said quickly.

"NO LOOKING JEALOUS!" he shouted to Michelle.

"Buzz off, nimrod." she muttered.

"AND NO-What the hell do all of you have on?" Jericho asked the face-paint crew.

"It's a craze we're starting." replied Matt.

"Yeah, it's fun!" agreed Kelly.

"Oh, uh...can I get my face painted?" Jericho asked, eagerly.

"No." Jeff replied.

He glared at him. "Well! Anyway, you all wanna know why I have my trusty megaphone here?"

"We get to stick it up your ass?" asked Edge.

"Oh, shut up! People on the sidelines are supposed to be quiet! Today, we're all gonna see just how tough it is to be a production crew. But before we do anything else, Punk, Maria, since you two won the last contest, you both choose who will be on your teams." he said.

"Awesome!" exclaimed Punk.

"I want to go first!" cried Maria.

"Ok. Pick a guy." said Jericho.

"Um...Jeff!" she called.

"Sweet! Thanks!" he exclaimed.

"Punk, pick a girl." said Jericho.

"Ok...Candice." he said.

"Yay!" she cheered.

"Maria, pick a girl." said Jericho.

"Maria, please don't separate Kelly and I. Please." pleaded Jeff.

"I'd never do that! Kelly, come on down!" exclaimed Maria.

"Yes! Thanks!" she said gratefully.

"And Punk, pick a guy." said Jericho.

"Matt." he replied.

"Thanks, man!" he replied.

"Pick another girl, Maria." said Jericho.

"Um...Melina!" she said.

"Thanks, girlfriend!" she said, high fiving her.

"Ok, Punk, pick two guys."

"Triple H, Shawn, you're up!" Punk called.

"YEAH!" they both cried.

"Ok, I'll choose from here." said Jericho.

"But we weren't done!" called Maria.

"You guys are taking too long. I'm not getting any younger!" he exclaimed.

"Got that right." muttered Shawn.

"Ok, Mickie and Cena, you go to Punk's team." he said.

"Yay!" cheered Mickie.

"And Randy and Michelle, you go to Maria's team."

"WHAT?" exclaimed Maria. "I don't want either of them on my team!"

"None of us do!" agreed Melina.

"Too late. Can't change the rules. Now, Punk, your team will be...Team Smackdown!" announced Jericho.

"Again?" asked Candice, Matt, and Triple H.

"And Maria's team, you will be...Team Raw!"

"Shocker." muttered Jeff.

"And now that we've got your teams set, let's head over to today's challenge!" announced Jericho.

...

The gang was led to a bunch of studio equipment and a huge trailer set in front of the tallest hill around...

"Ok, you guys. Your challenge is to get this stuff up this hill right here. I don't care how you do it, but make sure you don't forget to bring the trailer, too. Easy, right?" he asked.

"Dude, how in the hell do you expect us to haul that huge-ass trailer up that thing?" demanded Cena.

"If you don't do it, I'll have Big Show cook you up something." he replied.

Everyone was silent.

"Ok, team, let's get moving!" Cena called to the rest of Team Smackdown.

"Come on, you guys! There are only 6 of us, but we can win this!" cheered Maria.

As both teams grabbed things to haul up the hill...

"Hey, John! It's too bad you're not on the winning team, you know that Randy and I are gonna dominate!" Michelle called to her 'boyfriend'.

"Michelle, why the hell are you siding with him? I know you've changed, but he's the last person you should be with!" he called back.

"You're my boyfriend, don't tell me what to do!" Michelle snapped.

"Ok, you might not remember or care, but I still love you." he replied.

She just looked at him. "Don't get in my way next time." she said darkly, gaining the lead.

Cena looked hurt while Candice ran alongside him.

"John, you don't need to take that! She's being so mean to you!" she exclaimed.

He sighed. "I'll deal with it. Everything'll be fine eventually." he said, smiling.

She smiled back, but inside she felt really sorry for him.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Candice: "It's just not right at all. Cena's such a sweet guy. He doesn't deserve someone like Michelle. When's he gonna realize that?"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Michelle was running at her own speed, when she saw Maria going past her.<p>

"Yo, redhead!" exclaimed Michelle.

"What the hell do you want?" she asked.

Then, she snatched her equipment and purposely shoved her down the hill!

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" she screamed.

"Happy trails, teammate." she smiled evilly.

Randy chuckled. "Good one, Michelle. Why couldn't you've turned heel earlier? You're perfect for Rated RKO."

"I really don't know. But thanks." she smiled.

Meanwhile, the rest of her teammates caught Maria rolling towards the hill.

"HEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPP!" she screamed.

"Maria!" called Kelly and Melina.

"She's gonna crash into that trailer if we don't do something!" exclaimed Melina.

"I got her!" called Jeff.

He rolled down the hill as fast as he could, and before Maria crashed, he saved her just in time!

"You all right, Maria?" he asked.

"I-I think so. Thanks, Jeff." she said gratefully.

"No problem. Who did this to you?" he asked.

"Michelle! She stole my equipment and shoved me down!" she exclaimed.

"Don't worry. Melina, Kelly, and I'll take care of you." he replied.

"And I'll take care of Michelle." she said darkly. "The bitch has gone too far."

...

After a while, both teams were able to get all their things up the hill, but then they were left to face the trailer...

"How are we gonna get this thing up there?" asked Punk.

"Yeah, we gotta move before Team Raw gets back here!" agreed Mickie.

"I've got a plan." whispered Shawn. "Hey, Hunter."

"Yo?"

"There's a fresh batch of French fries up that hill." he said.

"Whoa, seriously?" he asked, excited.

"Yeah! And all you gotta do is help us push this trailer up there. If you do, those golden crispy fries are all yours. What do you say?" asked HBK.

"MOVE OUTTA MY WAY, PEOPLE!" HHH screamed, speeding up the hill with the trailer.

"Oh, ho, ho, there isn't any food up there, dude!" Randy called to him.

"Why the hell should I listen to you?" he demanded.

"Do you smell any fries?" he asked.

"...No." Triple H replied.

"Don't listen to him, man!" called Matt. "Just get the trailer up there!"

"Yeah! Orton, get lost, will ya?" HHH agreed, going towards the top of the hill.

Randy growled. "Nobody defies Randy Orton." he said darkly.

Then, he tackled HHH and the two beat the hell out of each other while they rolled down the hill!

"GET OFFA ME, MAN!" Triple H shouted as they continued to beat each other.

"NOBODY...DEFIES...RANDY...ORTON!" he shouted back.

Little did they know, the trailer rode backwards and headed for them!

"GUYS! Quit fighting and look behind you!" called Mickie.

They looked back to see the trailer heading towards them!

Then, Orton quickly rolled out of the way, and HHH was left staring at the danger ahead of him.

"Oh, this isn't fun at all." he said.

After that, the trailer bumped into him, sending him flying towards Mickie, who bumped into Matt, who bumped into Candice, who bumped into John, who bumped into Shawn, who bumped into Punk!

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" they all screamed.

Then, Team Smackdown and the trailer flew back into a clothesline, which shot them all back up the cliff!

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" they kept screaming.

"GERONIMO!" cried Shawn.

Team Raw looked in horror as the trailer headed towards them.

"We're gonna die." Kelly said, scared.

*BOOM!*

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Team Raw as the trailer ran them over like bowling pins!

Then, Team Smackdown and the trailer flew all the way to the top of the mountain!

After everyone recovered, Jericho met them on top...

"Well, wasn't that easy?" he asked with a sick smile.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Melina: Don't you just wanna smack him?"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Everyone looked pissed, and slowly inched towards him.<p>

"Calm down! Jeez! Ok, you guys. You all just completed the first part of the challenge, which was to get your supplies up here. Now this second part is gonna be fun. Both teams are gonna perform a show for Chef Big Show here." he explained.

"That's me." he said with a smile.

"Whichever team's show makes Big Show cry, wins the challenge! Simple as that.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Punk: "How easy will this be? All we gotta do is make Big Show cry and we'll win? I mean, come on! The guy cries at 'The Little Engine That Could'! He even cries at the end of every Teletubbies episode. Don't tell him I said this."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Ok, both teams are gonna get a storyline, and you guys'll have to decide among yourselves who's playing who." Jericho said, giving Punk and Maria a storyline sheet.<p>

"What do we got here?" asked Jeff.

"Let's see. Says here that there's gonna be a couple who's very much in love with each other..." began Maria.

" 'Sup?" replied Jeff.

"Hi!" waved Kelly.

"...and there's an enemy who wants the girl for himself." she continued.

Everyone looked at Randy.

"FINE! I don't give a damn who I play, as long as we win!" he exclaimed.

"And the enemy's gonna have an assistant..." read Maria.

"Yeah, that's me." Michelle interrupted.

"Whatever. Anyway, so basically, the enemy, whose name here is Baxter, and his assistant, Trixie are gonna start a war with the happy couple, whose names are Steve and Ethel. That's our storyline, but we gotta improvise the rest of the story." she said.

"...Steve and Ethel?" asked Kelly.

"What are we in, the '40s?" asked Jeff.

"Wait!" called Melina. "Who am I gonna be?"

"Uh, all the roles are taken...unless you wanna play a tree." she replied. "Sorry."

"Aw, I'll live with it." she replied.

On Team Smackdown's site...

"Ok, you guys. Our story's pretty much like "West Side Story"." announced Punk.

"Please tell me we won't have to sing." said HHH.

"Uh, I don't know. Hey, Jericho, do we have to sing?" he asked.

"Surprise me!" he called back, flipping through a magazine.

"I'm guessing that's a yes." said Shawn.

"Damn!" cried HHH.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Triple H: "And now we have to sing showtunes! I never thought I'd say this, but I'm missing the days back on the island, you know, running from bears, barfing in the woods, I even miss the shark that ate our million dollars."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Later, everyone went over their lines and was ready to start the show...<p>

"All right, you guys! This is the moment we've been waiting for! Team Raw, you'll be going upstage in a bit. But first up is Team Smackdown!" announced Jericho.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cheered everyone except for Randy and Michelle.

"Ok, you guys, make me proud!" Punk said, going offstage.

Music began and Shawn and HHH snapped their fingers in time with the song.

Shawn: "When you're a Met, you're a Met all the way, from your first Pedigree to your last payday."

Triple H: "When you're a Met, if the dude hits the boss, you got brothers around, we'll give them a toss!"

Shawn: "You're never alone."

Triple H: "You're never hunted."

Shawn: "You're home on your own."

Triple H: "Hell no, we're not blunted!"

Shawn: "You're well protected."

Triple H: "Then you're set with a Capital M,"

Shawn: "Which you'll never forget till they roll you away!"

Both: "When you're a Met, you...stay...a...Met!"

"Those damn Yankees aren't gonna do squat on our turf, eh, Rex?" asked HHH.

"Squat?" Shawn asked, confused.

"Can't think of anything better." he whispered back.

"YO!" called a voice.

Rex (Shawn) and Bruno (Triple H) whipped around.

"We're not gonna do squat on YOUR turf?" asked Roxxie (Mickie).

"Well, I'm squattin'." said Dominick (Matt) "Now I'm doin' push ups!"

"You damn Yankees better get the hell outta here!" exclaimed Bruno.

"Make us!" Roxxie taunted.

"I have just the way to settle this." said Rex. "A dance off!"

Then, Rex and Bruno did a few moves and backed Roxxie and Dominick off.

After that, the Yankees countered with some hip -hop moves and backed Rex and Bruno off!

As things were heating up, Joey (John) joined the Mets and said, "Guys! Knock it off!"

Then, Toni (Candice) joined the Yankees. "Dominick, Roxxie, dancing is no way to handle this problem!" she said.

"Toni, it's too dangerous for you to be here right now!" exclaimed Dominick. "You need to go home."

"Joey, you gotta go home, too." said Bruno.

Then, Joey took a look at Toni while she looked back at him.

"Toni..." Joey said quietly.

"Joey..." Toni said quietly.

Candice: "There's always that one person that will always have your heart, you never see it coming cause you're blinded by the start, know that you're the one for me, it's clear for everyone to see, ooh, baby, you will always be my boo..."

John: "I don't know about ya'll but I know about us, and uh, it's the only way we know how to rock!" (2x)

Candice: "Yes, I remember boy, cause after we kissed, I could only think about your lips, yes I remember boy, that you were the one I would spend my life with, even before all the fame and people screaming your name, boy I was there, and you were my baby!"

Both: "It started when we were younger and you were mine...and see from time to time I still feel like...see no matter how I try to hide...you will always be my boo..."

Then, they leaned in and kissed, but it wasn't long before both the Mets and the Yankees dragged them away.

"So...what do we do now?" asked Roxxie.

"I don't know." replied Bruno.

"I got a candy bar." said Rex.

"I guess we can watch him eat it." said Dominick.

Meanwhile, Toni and Joey just stared at each other in surprise.

The others just stood and watched Rex eat his candy bar.

Then, Punk rushed upstage. "Uh...The end?" he said nervously.

Everyone in the audience just stared in disbelief.

"...What the bloody hell was that?" asked Jericho.

"Jericho, did I bring these kleenex for nothing? Cause it sure looks that way!" Big Show exclaimed.

"Uh, well, there's still time!" Jericho said nervously.

"...I liked it." replied Jeff.

Everyone looked at him.

...

Later...

"Ok, Team Smackdown, you're on the borderline here. If Team Raw's show makes Big Show cry, you guys lose today's challenge." said Jericho.

"You guys! What happened out there?" demanded Punk. "I thought we rehearsed this!"

"We did! But I happened to have a candy bar in my pocket and I was hungry." replied Shawn.

"Nice." Punk said dully.

Onstage...

"Team Raw, let's get it on!" exclaimed Jericho.

"Do we really have to do this?" Jeff asked dully.

"Now I'm sorry that we were forced to change the original plot at the last second, but we don't have a choice! You gotta do this!" exclaimed Maria. "Now you two go out there and show them who the winning team is!"

As they went onstage, Team Smackdown, Jericho, and Big Show roared with laughter.

Kelly came out wearing a housemaid's dress, and had her hair in old-lady curls, and Jeff came out wearing a business suit, had his hair smoothed out, wore these nerdy glasses, and carried a briefcase.

"Why can't someone just drop a boulder on our heads?" Kelly muttered.

"I hate it too, Kel, but we gotta do this if we wanna win." Jeff replied. "Hello. My name is Steve. I have an average job. I am a stockbroker. This is my wife, Ethel." he said dully.

"Hi. My name is Ethel. I am a homemaker. My husband is Steve. Oh, look. Here come our neighbors." she said, pointing to Randy and Michelle.

The audience laughed again.

Randy came out with another business suit, his bald head had another wig, and was also carrying a briefcase.

Michelle wore another housemaid's dress, and her hair was up in a bun.

"Hello. My name is Fred. I am a neighbor of my...good friend...Steve." Randy said through clenched teeth, angrily glaring at Jeff.

"Oh...we are good buddies." Jeff agreed, fighting the urge to beat up Randy.

"And I am Susie. I am Fred's wife. I am also a homemaker. Oh, golly gee!" Michelle said dully.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" everyone laughed hysterically.

"So...how was your day, Steve?" Randy asked unhappily.

"It was good. Thank you for asking, my good friend Fred." Jeff replied, clenching his fists.

"Handshake, buddy?" Randy asked with a gleam in his eye.

"...Sure." Jeff replied, holding out his hand.

They slowly shook hands, but then, Randy swung a punch at him!

Everyone in the audience gasped in shock.

Jeff ducked and clocked Randy in the face.

"You know what, everyone? I'm not Steve, I'm the Rainbow Haired Warrior, Jeff Hardy!" he announced.

Randy sprung up. "And I'm sure as hell not Fred. I'm the Legend Killer, Randy Orton!" he announced.

Both of them ripped off their geeky outfits and had on their regular clothes underneath.

"Uh, hi. I'm Kelly Kelly." she meekly told everyone.

"Michelle McCool." she said. "Enjoy the fight." she said, ripping off her housemaid outfit.

Jeff whipped around and was clocked by Randy.

Then he shook himself off and charged towards Orton.

Orton swung a punch at Hardy, and Hardy swung back.

The fight was going back and forth between the two enemies, while everyone watched on in surprise.

"What the hell is going on out there?" demanded Maria.

"When do I go on?" asked Melina, who was in a tree suit.

"Now, I guess." she replied.

Back in the fight, Randy kneed Jeff in the stomach, sending him to the ground.

"You and your goody goody pals got Edge voted out of here. Now it's just Michelle and I. You broke up Rated RKO!" Randy shouted to him. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"...Go to hell." Jeff replied.

"Shut up!" Randy shouted, attacking him some more.

The audience was dead silent.

Kelly couldn't take seeing her boyfriend being tortured like this.

"RANDY!" she shouted.

He turned back.

"Leave...him...ALONE!" she screamed.

"Haha. You're just as defensive of him like you were with me." he told her.

"...What?" Jeff asked, angry.

"She never told you? Well, Kelly and I used to be together." replied Randy. "You know, we used to date. She had the hots for me."

He looked totally shocked. "Kelly?"

"Jeff, I can explain! It isn't what you think." she pleaded. "You gotta believe me."

"It's all true. Not hard to get her in bed, either." Randy said.

Kelly looked shocked and was about to slap him, but before he could even turn around, he accidentally whacked her with his arm.

"AAH!" she cried, falling down.

"Kelly!" cried her friends.

Randy looked surprised, while Jeff was 5 seconds away from murdering him.

"Dude, I swear, it was an accident." Randy said cautiously.

Jeff said nothing and slowly walked towards him. "You bastard." he said quietly.

"What part of 'it was an accident' do you not understand?" demanded Randy. "Then again, after leaving me for someone like...you, I'd say she deserved it."

After that, Jeff lifted him and threw him towards a wall! Then, he furiously kicked him in the gut and then continued to beat the living hell out of him.

Next, the guys had to hold him back, while Michelle came to Randy's aid.

"Dude! All right, you got to control yourself!" Matt exclaimed.

"Randy's down now, you won." added Triple H.

"Yeah, just go see how Kelly's doing." said Cena.

After that, he rushed to her side. "Are you all right, Kel?" he asked, worried.

"I'm fine. Thanks." she replied with a smile.

He smiled back.

Meanwhile, Big Show bursted out in tears. "That was THE greatest show I've seen in a while! Comedy, action, drama, outrage, it was perfect!"

"So in that case, Team Raw, you win the challenge!" exclaimed Jericho. "Let's head over for the elimination ceremony, shall we?"

* * *

><p>Later...<p>

"All right, Team Smackdown. You played hard, but one of you gots to go! Vote for the person you want out of here...now."

Everyone was silent.

"Vote guys, VOTE!" cried Jericho.

"Dude, we just can't vote anyone outta here!" exclaimed Cena. "We're all a great team, even though we lost the challenge."

"I'll go." volunteered Punk.

Everyone gasped.

"Why?" asked Mickie. "You're our team Captain!"

"I don't want any of you to leave. It's ok, really." he replied.

"Punky, you sure you want to do this?" asked Maria, joining the team there.

"Yep." he replied, giving her a kiss. "I'll miss competing with you guys."

As Jericho handed everyone their Jerichoholic awards, Big Show escorted Punk into the Lambo of Suckers.

"Dude, I can just walk to the sidelines!" he exclaimed, pulling away from him.

"Get in the Lambo!" shouted Big Show.

"No!"

"GET IN!" he shouted.

As the two fought, Melina announced, "Well, I'm done for today. Night, people."

"Night-later." everyone said, going back to their trailers.

"Randy, you sure you're gonna be all right?" asked Michelle. "Edge would be here, too, but he's asleep."

"I won't be all right until Hardy gets what he deserves. This war has just begun." Orton said darkly.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Next episode: The teams compete in beach related challenges, while a certain blonde causes more chaos for her own team.<strong>_


	8. Episode 4

Total WWE Action!: Steal My Sunshine

Episode 4

"What's up, my people? This is Y2J, Chris Jericho with another installment of TWA coming right at ya! But let's recap first. Last week, Edge was furious over being eliminated so quick, and Randy and Michelle vowed to make the others pay! Before we began, Maria and Punk had to choose their teams. Maria chose Jeff, Kelly Kelly, and Melina, and I added Randy and Michelle, making them Team Raw! Punk chose Cena, Candice, Matt, Mickie, Shawn, and Triple H, making them Team Smackdown! The contest taught our cast just how tough it was to be a production crew. Their first challenge was to get a whole bunch of supplies, including a trailer up the hugest hill ever! Cena tried to get on the right page with Michelle, but the evil demon coldly shut him out. Candice tried to make him see that she wasn't right for him anymore, but he vowed to keep his loyalty to Michelle. Then McCool had the nerve to shove her rival Maria down the hill, sending her towards danger! Her team didn't know what to do, until Jeff came and saved her from instant destruction! Then, there was the trailer. Team Smackdown came up with a plan to get the vehicle up there. HBK was able to persuade HHH into pushing the trailer for them with the prize of French fries, and that was a deal he couldn't refuse! But Orton wasn't gonna let him get away with that! The two brawled down the hill, and Randy got out of the way when the trailer rolled down the hill and sent Team Smackdown on a rollercoaster ride back to victory! The second part of the challenge was to create their own show and the winner would be determined if Big Show shed tears. Team Smackdown did a rendition of West Side Story, with John and Candice sharing an unexpected kiss! Unfortunately, they didn't move the Big Man. Team Raw was next, beginning with Jeff and Kelly and Rated RKO embarrassing themselves. But after Randy swung a punch towards Jeff, all hell broke loose. The two enemies beat the living hell out of each other, until Randy revealed that Kelly used to date him! Everyone was shocked, including Jeff. But when Orton accidentally whacked Kelly to the floor, Hardy was on a rampage and wouldn't quit until Orton was destroyed! That was enough for Big Show to declare Team Raw the winners! At the awards ceremony, nobody on Team Smackdown wanted to go, so Punk volunteered and was the next to be sent to the sidelines. This week, will John and Candice change after their stage kiss? How will Michelle take that? And will the feud between Hardy and Orton get worse? Find out this week on Total...WWE...Action!

* * *

><p>It was early in the day, and Kelly decided to hang out by herself at a deserted part of the set after everything that happened the other day...<p>

Randy's voice still buzzed in her head. _"Kelly and I used to be together. You know, we used to date. She had the hots for me. Not hard to get her in bed, either."_

Then, Jeff joined her. "Hey, Kel. I've been looking everywhere for you." he said. "Everyone's in the cafeteria."

She said nothing and sniffled.

"Kelly? You all right?" he asked, worried.

"I'm fine." she said quietly.

"You're crying. Tell me what's going on." he replied.

"I was just worried you'd hate me after what happened last time." she replied, tears coming down her face.

"I know what happened last time was...unexpected, but I'd never in a million years hate you." he replied, wiping her tears away.

"But I used to date Randy. And I know how much you hate him." she replied.

"Yeah, but it's all in the past. But I'm just wondering. When did you date him?" asked Jeff.

"It was a little after we first met. Randy was really nice to me when I was starting out here. After a while, we started dating and I really liked him. Until he started seeing other people. After that, he was really mean to me. He called me worthless." she said, crying again.

He held her tight. "It's ok, it's ok." he replied.

"Then he spread rumors around that I'd sleep around with everyone. I'm not some slutty blonde bimbo, damn it! It's so hard to be misunderstood." she continued.

"Misunderstood is right down my road. I know just how you feel, Kel." Jeff said sadly. "But you did the right thing by breaking up with him. He's the one who's worthless, not you."

She smiled. "Thanks. You know, I've only dated a lot of guys before just to find the right one. And I've found him." she replied, gazing at him.

Jeff blushed. "Aw, well..." he said shyly.

And before he could say anything else, she leaned in and gave him a passionate kiss. "I love you." she said.

He smiled back. "I love you, too." he replied.

...

Back in the cafeteria, everyone else was having breakfast, while DX was arguing yet again...

"I say we use the Hertz Doughnut prank on him!" exclaimed Shawn. "He's gullible enough to get punched in the face, anyway."

Then, he pictured Jericho opening a doughnut box only to be punched in the face by him!

"Sounds good, but I was thinking we could give him a noogie until his hair falls out." replied Hunter.

He pictured Jericho's hair falling out after being noogied.

"Yeah, but maybe we could pants him when he least expects it!" argued Shawn.

He pictured Jericho being pantsed, revealing smiley-faced boxers underneath.

"Or maybe we could spitball him until he cries mercy!" exclaimed Triple H.

He pictured DX spitballing the living daylights out of him.

"How about a swirlie?" asked Shawn.

He pictured the two of them swirling Jericho until he was soaked.

"I say we wedgie him!" exclaimed Triple H.

He pictured them wedging Jericho until he cried 'Uncle'!

"I still say we use the Hertz Doughnut." said HBK.

"I say we noogie him." replied Triple H.

"Doughnut!" argued HBK.

"Noogie!" argued HHH.

"DOUGHNUT!"

"NOOGIE!"

Then, Matt and Mickie approached them.

"Whoa, guys! Break it up!" exclaimed Matt.

"What are you two arguing about?" asked Mickie.

"We're trying to pick the best prank we can use on Jericho today." explained Shawn. "But HE won't let me use the Hertz Doughnut."

"Well, Shawny here won't let us noogie him!" HHH argued, glaring at him.

Then, Matt and Mickie whispered something to each other.

"What?" asked HHH.

"We've come up with a great prank for you guys." Mickie said with a smile.

"Really?" asked Shawn.

"Sure did." replied Matt.

"Dude, tell us!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Uh uh. We'll tell you at the right time. Just not now." said Matt.

"Well, when?" demanded Shawn.

"When we say so. Let's get going, Mickie." he replied.

"Ok. Later, guys!" she called back.

Then, DX just looked at each other in disbelief and shrugged.

...

At another table, Maria was depressed that Punk wasn't there with her...

"I miss him!" she cried.

"Maria, he's out on the sidelines." replied John. "It's not like he left."

"Seems like he left to me! That's why I came prepared." she said, taking something out of her purse.

"Prepared?" asked Melina.

"Yep." she replied, taking out a picture of him, a recorder, an action figure of him, a cd player, and a pepsi can.

"And you have all this, why?" asked Candice.

"You see, I have this picture of him to remember him by, I have his voice taped on this recorder, listen!" she exclaimed.

The thing recorded the sound of him snoring.

"You taped him while he was asleep?" asked Melina.

"Uh huh!" she said happily. "The action figure is like a visual aid type of thing, I've got the CD player so I can hear his favorite music, and I got the Pepsi can because he loves Pepsi!"

"Ok, Maria, why don't we go to a nice, quiet place. I think you're a little out of it." Melina said, gently taking her away.

"I'm not out of it!" she cried.

"Come on, Nattie!" called Melina.

She was rapidly slapping Randy with a sock while he tried to fight her off.

"Oh, OK!" she called back. "Later, Rand."

"UGH! Good riddance!" Orton called back, annoyed.

...

Then, John and Candice were left at their table, alone...

"Well, then..." Candice said shyly.

"Yeah. So, how about that kiss?" asked Cena.

She brightened up. "Kiss?"

"You know. The staged one from last week." he replied.

"Oh. Yeah, it was a nice one." she blushed.

"It was. Even though it was only for like, 3 seconds." he replied.

"Yeah..." she said shyly.

"I hope that didn't change anything between us. We're still friends, right?" asked Cena.

"Uh, sure! Always!" she replied.

But when he wasn't looking, she looked a little devastated.

A few minutes later...

"Yo, yo, YO!" greeted Jericho.

The cafeteria was dead silent as Michelle threw a pancake at him.

*SPLAT!*

"Nice." he muttered. "Anyway, grab your summer gear, people, cause we're headed to the beach!"

"YAY!" exclaimed everyone.

"We're really going to the beach?" asked Mickie.

"Well, here's the thing." he said.

"I knew there was a catch." muttered Matt.

"Your genre this week is a beach surfing flick!" he announced. "You guys are gonna do two challenges today, followed by a possible tie breaker. So get your beach gear and follow...ME!" he exclaimed, gleefully leaping out of the cafeteria.

"...Is he on some new meds?" asked Michelle.

"Probably." replied Randy.

...

Soon after that, everyone, in their swimsuits, joined Jericho by two really huge pools, even though they weren't oceans...

"Ok, you guys. Your first challenge is to surf for as long as you can in those oceans." instructed Jericho.

"Uh, those are pools." said Cena.

"OCEANS!" he cried. "Anyway, you guys gotta stay on board for as long as you can, because the sharks from the island, they're in there. And I'm sure none of you want your asses bitten off, so watch out. The team who stays standing on their surfboard is the winner! Let's get this party started, everyone."

Soon after that, both teams got settled on their surfboards.

"Ready...set...DON'T DIE!" Jericho called, sipping lemonade.

"Hey, Jericho." greeted Chef Big Show. "What's going on?"

"Oh, just watching them about to be eaten alive by sharks." he replied.

"Cool! Can I watch?" he asked.

"Sure!" he replied.

"How in the hell does Jericho expect us all to fit on this thing?" demanded Randy.

"Aw, shut up and stay on the board." Jeff called back.

"Don't tell me to shut up!" he snapped. "YOU shut up!"

"YOU shut up!" Jeff argued back.

"GUYS!" exclaimed Maria. "Please stop arguing so we can win this!"

"Who made you peacemaker, redhead?" asked Michelle.

"If you didn't know, I am the captain of this team, skank!" Maria replied.

"Skank?" she exclaimed.

"I didn't forget what you did to me last time! You almost injured me when you rolled me towards that trailer!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, too bad it didn't work." Michelle replied. "But maybe this will. Hang on, Randy!" she called, purposely rocking the surfboard around.

"AAAAHHHH!" everyone screamed as the surfboard tilted in midair.

Maria tried to hold on, but fell off first.

"AAAAAHHHH!" she cried, falling in the water.

"Watch out for the sharks!" called Jeff.

"Huh? AAH!" she screamed as two sharks were headed towards her.

She quickly swam to the edge of the pool where she was safe!

"Michelle, you're gonna pay for that!" she called back.

"Well, I'm happy." Michelle told herself.

On team Smackdown's side...

"Hey!" exclaimed Candice. "Our surfboard is way smaller than theirs!"

"Jericho probably planned all this." replied John. "We just gotta hang on, everyone!"

"Hey, Cena. You know, we don't have a team leader anymore since Punk left." said Matt. "And you seem like a leader."

"Yeah, want to be our leader?" asked Mickie.

"I'd be way better suited for that." replied HHH.

Everyone looked at him.

"Hey, it's true! I'm the muscles of the team, after all." he continued.

"I'll be glad to lead Team Smackdown." John turned to everyone else.

"Haha. You got Punk'd." chuckled Shawn.

Hunter just glared at him.

"Sorry." he replied.

"Hmm. Only one person's fallen off so far." said Jericho.

"Maybe it's time to turn it up a notch." said Big Show. "Plan B?"

He smiled. "You know it."

Then, he turned on this giant fan above everyone and made the area ten times more windy!

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" everyone on both teams shouted.

Everyone on team Smackdown all had to hang on to the edge of the surfboard for dear life.

"Why'd it get so windy all of a sudden?" exclaimed Candice.

"Jericho's just trying to make us all lose. Hang on, you guys! Don't fall off, whatever you do."

"Easier said than done." replied HHH. "I don't know how much longer I can last here!"

Then, he slipped off!

"DAMN IT!" he cried. Then, he grabbed ahold of Shawn's leg.

"That's a choice." he said dully.

"Come on, man, you gotta help me." he replied.

"All right, hold on!" HBK called back, trying to climb both of them back to their feet on the surfboard.

Matt was able to get Mickie back on the board, while Cena helped Candice, and DX was almost there until...

*sniff sniff*

"Hey, is that food?" asked HHH.

"Hunter, this is the WORST possible time!" exclaimed Shawn.

"Sorry man, but it's calling my name. I gotta go!" he cried, leaping off the surfboard, dragging Shawn with him.

As he fell, he bumped his chin on the surfboard...

"OW!"

...fell into the shark infested water, but the sharks got in their way.

"Nice sharkies." he said, scared.

"I got food waiting for me. You sea creatures better get the hell outta my way until I Pedigree your asses!" HHH shouted to them.

Then, the sharks got scared and quickly swam away.

"YEAH! Let's go, dude!" cried Hunter.

"Why me? Why always me?" Shawn trailed off.

On team Raw's side, things really weren't getting any better...

Michelle's plan to get rid of Maria still left the team's surfboard tilting all over the place!

And the heavy winds weren't helping, either. Everyone was still trying to hold on for dear life, too.

"AAH! HELP!" cried Melina, whose hands slipped off the board.

Then, Kelly grabbed her hands before it was too late.

"I got you, Mel!" she called, trying to pull her back up.

When she did, Melina replied, "Damn, that was close. Thanks, Kelly." she said with a smile.

She smiled back. "No problem." she replied.

While Michelle was casually balancing on the board, Randy and Jeff were trying to get each other off of their board.

"It's MY turn to win something!" Orton exclaimed.

"Back the hell off, Orton! You don't deserve to win crap!" Jeff exclaimed.

Then, Randy tried to nudge him off, while Jeff tried to nudge him off in retaliation.

After that, Jeff had an idea.

"Hey, you know there's a catfight going on down there?" he asked.

"Really?"

"Uh huh. Better go down there if you wanna check it out."

"Oh ho ho. You think I'm gonna fall for that? I'm not gonna believe a thing you say. I'm watching you, Hardy." Orton replied.

"Ok, don't believe me. I don't care. Just don't lose a limb down there!" Jeff exclaimed, shoving him off the surfboard.

"NO!" Randy cried, accidentally tugging off Jeff's trunks as he fell.

The girls looked in surprise.

Melina wolf whistled.

"Oh, God." Jeff said, blushing in embarrassment.

"Look what I got!" Randy exclaimed, holding up his trunks. "You got pantsed!"

"Well, see you on the other side." he said quickly, jumping in the water.

"Most of them are still on." said Big Show. "What now?"

"Proceed with plan C." said Jericho.

"Gotcha." Big Show replied, releasing a flock of wild birds.

"Damn it, what's Jericho doing to us now?" demanded Matt, trying to dodge the birds.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Mickie screamed, swatting the birds away from her.

"Mickie, I'll save you!" exclaimed Matt.

He was about to shield her from the birds, but before he could, she bumped into him, sending them both into the water next.

"AAH!" they both screamed.

"Sorry, Matty." Mickie told her boyfriend.

"It's ok." he said weakly.

Then the sharks approached them.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they yelled, escaping quickly.

"Well, girls...who'd...like to fall next?" Michelle asked, furiously swatting the birds away from her.

Then, Melina smiled towards Kelly while she smiled back.

"What?" she asked.

After that, Melina and Kelly tackled Michelle off of the board. Ouch.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed. "Damn you people…!"

"Great job, girl." Melina told her friend.

"Same to you, Mel." replied Kelly. Then, she looked down to see Jeff, while he waved back to her.

"You want to join him down there, don't you?" asked Melina.

"So much." she replied.

Then the birds started attacking them again!

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" the girls screamed.

"To hell with this contest, we're gonna die!" Melina exclaimed, jumping off the board.

"Wait for me!" Kelly cried, following her.

"We're the only ones left!" exclaimed Candice, swatting away birds.

"And I'll be sure to keep it that way!" exclaimed John.

Down below, Michelle saw another woman with her boyfriend and got jealous.

She climbed up the pole the surfboard was on, grabbed Candice's leg and said, "Bitch, stay away from my man!"

After that, she dragged the both of them down.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" screamed Candice. "John!"

"Candice!" he replied. "Aw, damn it!"

As Cena was the only one left, Jericho got angry. "Not on my watch." he muttered.

"What are you gonna do?" asked Big Show.

"Watch." he replied.

He stormed up to the eliminated campers and searched for a victim.

"YOU!" he cried, pointing towards Jeff.

"Me?" he asked.

Then, Jericho lifted him high over his head.

"What the hell-PUT ME DOWN, MAN!" he shouted.

"You're going for a little ride! Eliminate Cena!" he cried, tossing him high above the pool, towards Cena.

"HELP!" he shouted.

"Jeff?" Cena asked, dodging him.

Then, he was headed for DX!

"Whoa! It's a bird!" exclaimed Shawn.

"It's a plane!" exclaimed Triple H.

"It's...Jeff?" Shawn asked in surprise.

Then, he crashed into them, and ended up with a Popeye's bucket over his head.

"...Ow." said Shawn.

"Aw, you crashed into the wings!" HHH cried, frustrated.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Jeff: "Well, I've had a crappy day so far. First, Orton has the nerve to pants me, embarrasses me to hell, then Jericho treats me like a crash test dummy! And what the hell's in my hair-a chicken wing."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>A few minutes later...<p>

"Well, Cena won, so Team Smackdown wins the first half of the challenge." Jericho said dully.

"WHOO!" they cheered.

Candice happily hugged him. "Great job!"

He blushed and hugged her back. "Thanks, Candy!"

Michelle looked even more jealous.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Michelle: "Who the hell does Candice think she is? That tramp thinks she's gonna get her hands on my man? She's gonna have to deal with me first!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"All right, you guys. For the second part of the challenge, guess where we're headed?" Jericho asked excitedly.<p>

"McDonalds?" asked HHH.

"Dude." Shawn said dully.

"I know." he replied.

"Ok. We're headed back to Total WWE Island!" announced Jericho.

"WHAT?" everyone exclaimed in surprise.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Randy: "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? We're going back to the place where I was treated like crap? The place where I got my hair shaved?...ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"I'll explain the challenge to you guys when we get there. Now...TO THE BUS!" he exclaimed, bringing along his lemonade, a towel, and his lawn chair.<p>

"WOOO! Beach party!" Chef Big Show exclaimed, running towards the bus, carrying a floatie, an inner tube, and a couple of boxes of Twinkies.

"...All righty then." said Cena.

After that, the gang boarded on the bus, heading back to TWI.

When they got there...

"Hey, why'd we end up taking a bus here when every other time we took a yacht?" asked Melina.

"There was a secret driveway from the movie set to the island, so here we are!" Jericho exclaimed.

"You mean, we've been close to civilization this whole time?" demanded Shawn.

"Sure have." Jericho smiled.

Then, Cena bonked him over the head with his Jerichoholic award.

"OW!" he cried.

"Serves you right." he muttered.

"...Anyway. The reason we're here is for the second half of the challenge, which is a sandcastle building contest! It's pretty straightforward. You don't have to use sand to build your castle, and basically whoever has a kick-ass castle is the winner. Team Smackdown, if you win this, you win today's challenge. Team Raw, if you guys win, we'll have a tiebreaker, and boy is it a good one. Have fun!" he said, putting his shades on. "And I'm gonna get a sweet tan."

"Me too. I hope the sun gets my good side." agreed Big Show.

"I did not need to hear that." replied Matt.

After that, both teams were set and ready to go!

"Ok, you guys, we're gonna make the biggest, strongest, most kick-ass castle ever made!" announced Cena.

Right after that, a huge wave knocked them all down.

"Sure about that?" Hunter asked dully.

On Raw's side...

"Hey guys?" asked Melina.

"Yeah?" asked Kelly, Jeff, and Maria.

"Since we're the only ones on this team that actually get along, I've made these friendship bracelets for you." she said with a smile.

"Aw! They're so cute!" exclaimed Maria.

"I made this red and pink one for you, Kelly." she said.

"Aw, thank you, Mel!" she exclaimed, giving her a hug. "This really means a lot."

"No problem! And I made this purple and green one for you, Jeff." she said.

"Sick! And these are my favorite colors, too! Thanks, Melina." he said sincerely, giving her a hug.

"You're welcome! And Maria, I made you this blue and violet one." she said.

"Yay! Thanks a lot, Mel!" Maria cried, hugging her next.

"No problem. Listen, I know I've been really mean to you guys in the past, and I'm really sorry for that. But now I've realized how awesome you are. Thanks for being my friends and giving me another chance." she said sincerely.

"Well now there's only one thing left to do." said Kelly.

"What?" she asked.

"BEAR HUG!" Maria cried.

Then, Jeff grabbed all of them and wrapped them up in a bear hug, while the four of them fell to the ground.

The friends laughed until Randy and Michelle ruined the fun.

"Did you guys forget that we have a contest to win?" Michelle asked.

"...Can I have a bracelet?" Randy asked Melina.

"Hell no!" she shouted.

"Randy, focus!" she snapped.

"Right. If you're done goofing off, we're halfway done with our castle." he told them. "And when Michelle and I win the contest, we won't let any of you take the credit."

"Oh, really?" asked Melina.

"Yeah, really." Michelle replied.

"Well, you might have to reconsider that thought." she said.

"Why?" asked Randy.

"WHOO!" she cheered, bodyslamming into their castle, destroying it.

"Melina?" demanded Randy.

"You bitch!" snapped Michelle.

"Don't you call her a bitch!" Maria snapped, splashing some water at her.

"Hey!" she cried. "It took me FIVE hours to make this hair perfect!"

Jeff and Kelly looked at each other and smiled.

"What are you two up to?" demanded Randy.

Then, they both tossed huge dirt clods in his face!

"What the hell?" he coughed.

"Well, that took care of him." replied Kelly.

"We did good, Kel. We did good." agreed Jeff.

...

On Smackdown's side, the team built a wall around their castle to protect it, but how long would it last?

"Can you guys PLEASE tell us that awesome prank you had in store for Jericho?" asked Shawn.

"Not yet." Mickie said with a smile.

"Well, WHEN?" demanded HHH.

"Can you two just wait?" asked Matt. "If you do this too early, it won't work. Just be patient, all right?"

"Well in the meantime, I still say we give him the Hertz Doughnut." said HBK.

"And I still say we give him the noogie!" argued HHH.

"Dough-nut." he replied.

"Noo-gie." he replied.

"How about I give YOU the Hertz Doughnut instead?" demanded Shawn.

"I'll noogie you until your hair falls out!" snapped HHH. "Then again, we won't have to wait too long for that."

"Take that back, big nose!" Shawn exclaimed.

"BIG NOSE?" he argued back.

"Let me tell you-I don't need to her this-%!#!#$!" they both argued.

"Are you guys serious?" asked Matt.

They were both quiet.

"If you're THAT desperate, we'll tell you our prank." he continued.

"WHAT IS IT?" they both demanded.

"Eh, we'll tell you later." said Mickie.

"Yeah. Now let's finish this castle, shall we?" he asked.

Again, DX stood there in disbelief.

...

On Raw's side...

"Ok, this sand thing isn't working." announced Maria.

"Wait, you guys. Jericho said that we didn't need sand, remember?" asked Kelly. "We could use anything we want."

"She's right! What else should we use?" asked Melina.

Then, Orton looked at the package of curly fries that HHH carried and had an idea.

"Give me those!" he exclaimed, snatching them away from HHH.

"Yo!" he cried.

"Team, we use these." Orton declared.

"Curly fries?" asked Michelle.

"Trust me, it'll work." he replied.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Melina: "Trust HIM? There's no way in hell I'll trust that two-timing, conniving little-UGH!" :(

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Then, he stacked everything so that it'd make a sturdy castle. When the tide came, it didn't move!<p>

"Wow, that was a...decent idea, Orton." Jeff said, surprised. "Don't ever make me say anything nice to you again."

"I'll keep that in mind." he replied. "Here comes Jericho."

"We did it, you guys! We made the greatest castle ever!" cheered Candice.

"Yeah! Great job, everyone!" agreed Cena.

Right when Jericho came to judge them, a giant ham flew from out of nowhere and crushed their castle!  
>Everyone gasped.<p>

"What the..." began Jericho.

"Where'd the ham come from?" exclaimed Shawn.

"Ooh, so sorry, you guys. Now, team Raw!...Heh?" he asked, seeing the curly fry castle. "Why?"

"Orton's idea." everyone else said.

"It worked, didn't it?" he exclaimed.

"Well, it's unique, I'll tell you that. And with that being said, I declare team Raw the winners of the second half of the challenge!" announced Jericho.

"WHOO!" they cheered.

"And since both teams won, we're gonna have our tie breaker, which is...a dance off." Jericho smiled.

Everyone except for Rated RKO cheered.

"Whoop-de-doo." Orton said dully.

"Ok, I'll choose one person from each team to represent. Hmm...Cena, you're up for Team Smackdown." he said.

"I'm down for that." he replied, winking at Candice.

She giggled and blushed.

Michelle growled.

"And...Melina. You're up for Team Raw." he replied.

"I'll be happy to show off my moves." she replied.

"Oh this is gonna be fun!" exclaimed Jericho. "Big Show, start the music!"

He turned on the radio and 'Hey Mama' by the Black Eyed Peas came on.

Cena and Melina faced each other and Melina started things off.

She did a few moves and finished off with a spilt.

Then, Cena did his own moves and finished, signaling to Melina.

She countered with a breakdance maneuver, and signaled back to Cena.

He countered back with his own hip-hop moves, and signaled back to Melina.

She did more moves and was about to finish until Michelle 'accidentally' tripped her!

"OW!" she cried.

"That's it!" cried Jericho. "Melina fell, so Cena and Team Smackdown win the challenge!"

"WHOOOOO!" they all cheered.

"What the hell was that for, Michelle?" demanded Jeff.

"Yeah, you just cost us the win!" agreed Maria.

"Honestly, I'm glad I did it." Michelle smiled.

Randy chuckled. "You tell 'em!"

Melina was furious. "Kelly, Jeff, Maria, don't worry. I'll take care of this." she said.

"And what do you think you're gonna do?" Michelle asked defensively.

Then, Melina slapped her across the face. "That."

At first they looked angrily at one another, then the girls broke into a fight!

Meanwhile...

"Ok, Team Smackdown, celebrate however you like, and Team Raw, let's get on the bus to eliminate someone!" announced Jericho.

"Uh, Jericho?" Big Show asked from inside.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Transmission's shot." he replied. "This thing's broken down."

"So, you're saying, we're stuck here?" Jericho demanded.

"Yup."

"Damn!"

"WHOOO!" everyone cheered.

"Raw, you guys got off lucky this week. Go...enjoy yourselves." he muttered. "I need some juice."

"Hey, Shawn, Hunter, come here!" called Mickie.

"What's up?" asked Shawn.

"It's time for the prank." announced Matt.

"YES!" DX cheered, high fiving each other.

"Ok, this is the classic beach towel prank." said Mickie. "It's really easy."

"You see Jericho's beach towel here?" asked Matt.

They both nodded.

"Ok, while he isn't looking, dig a hole under here. Big enough that he'll have a hard time getting out." he said, doing so.

"Then all you have to do is put the towel over the gap and it's as if nothing happened." Mickie said with a smile.

"Here he comes now! Let's get outta here!" Matt exclaimed, rushing them away.

As they hid behind a building, Jericho walked over the trap, fell in, and had a hard time getting out!

"HEY!" he exclaimed. "WHO DID THIS?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" they all laughed.

"That's genius!" exclaimed Triple H. "Hey, wait."

"Hmm?" asked Mickie.

"You guys did the prank, not us!" he exclaimed.

"Exactly. Nice to be of service to you." replied Matt.

"Later!" called Mickie.

DX stood there in shock.

"We've been gypped." said Shawn.

"We should've pranked him. And they did instead." HHH said, shocked.

"We're losing it." HBK said quickly.

"Definitely." HHH agreed.

"Well, this is Y2J, Chris Jericho coming from deep inside a ditch. Come back and visit us next week." he said dully.

"Peace out, everyone!" exclaimed Big Show.

"Shut up, Big Show." Jericho muttered.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Next episode: The teams compete in Western themed challenges, while Jericho sends Rated RKO out on a mission to take down D-Generation X.<strong>_


	9. Episode 5

Total WWE Action!: The Good, The Bad,...and the Degenerates

Episode 5

"Yo, what's up, my people? This is the ayatollah of rock and rolla, Chris Jericho here with another exciting episode of TWA coming right up! Last week, we all had a little summer fun (even though the weather was 15 degrees below zero)! Before we began the fun, Jeff forgave Kelly Kelly after learning about her past with Randy, while Maria was miserable over losing CM Punk a couple of weeks ago. Seriously, the woman's obsessed! D-Generation X argued over their prank of the day, while Matt and Mickie offered the grandaddy of pranks to them. DX was desperate, but M&M wouldn't spill a thing. The first part of the challenge was a surfing contest, to see which team member could stay on the longest. On Team Raw's side, all hell broke loose after Michelle tilted the team's board, sending Maria down first! Randy and Jeff were fighting once again, resulting in them both falling off next, and Hardy losing his trunks in the process! Team Smackdown was hanging in there, until a flock of wild birds started wreaking havoc on them! Hunter and Shawn were about to get back on board, until the scent of food drew them away! The birds couldn't keep Matt and Mickie on, and Cena and Candice hung on there, until Michelle, (who got tackled off by Kelly and Melina) dragged Candy down with her! Cena was the last man standing, and I just couldn't accept that. So, I used Jeff to try and knock Cena off. Too bad, it didn't work. After Team Smackdown's win, we went back to our favorite place, Total Action Island for the second half of the challenge, a sandcastle building contest! Melina declared her friendship with Kelly, Jeff, and Maria by making them friendship bracelets! Isn't that cute? Team Smackdown made their so-called 'kick-ass castle', until a giant ham crushed it! Can't get any more random than that! Team Raw retaliated by making their castle out of curly fries, gaining them the win! And since it was a tie, what could be better than an all-out dance off? John represented Smackdown, while Melina represented Raw. The two did some pretty sweet moves, until Michelle sabotaged Melina! Team Smackdown won the day's challenge, and nobody got voted off on account of our crappy-ass bus breaking down. And I fell into a hole. Don't ask. This week, what trouble will DX find themselves in? Will Michelle face off with Candice? And what's Rated RKO up to? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!

* * *

><p>It was an extremely hot day, and Rated RKO was hanging out under some trees...<p>

"Damn this heat." Edge said, tired.

"You shouldn't complain, dude." replied Randy. "All you gotta do is watch from the sidelines. Michelle and I gotta be tortured by Jericho for who knows why. Uh, Michelle?"

"WHAT?" she snapped.

"Whoa! What's biting you?" asked Edge.

"Candice. She's been trying to steal my man from me!" she exclaimed angrily, watching the two chatting away.

"Michelle. News flash. You're part of Rated RKO now. Cena doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. And frankly, I'm glad." Randy replied.

"Why?" she demanded.

"We don't need Cena hanging around here! He's my second-worst enemy!" he replied.

"Whatever! John still loves me! Candice is just wasting her time with him. He loves me and she knows it! And if she tries anything with him, I'll go kick her ass." she said darkly.

"Whoa. Harsh." Edge said. "I like it."

Just then...

"_Rated RKO? Will you please report to my office?"_ Jericho called from a loudspeaker.

"Huh?" asked Randy. "What the hell does he want from us?"

"Only one way to find out. C'mon!" replied Michelle.

A few minutes later...

Edge, Randy, and Michelle approached Jericho's desk.

"You rang?" asked Randy.

Jericho's swivel chair was turned back towards them.

"I'm glad you came." he said, turning around. "Uh-Edge? What the hell are you doing here?"

"You called Rated RKO. If they come, I come, too." he declared. "GOT IT?"

"Fine. The more, the merrier! Anyway, I called you here for a special mission." he announced.

"C'mon, Jericho, spill it!" exclaimed Michelle.

"Ok, you know how D-Generation X keeps torturing me every blessed week? Well, I'm getting sick of it, and someone needs to teach them a lesson. And who better, than Rated RKO?" he said with a smile.

"Well, then. What exactly do you want us to do?" asked Randy.

"Torture them. Embarrass them. Beat them at their own game. Do anything you can to get those guys off my back for good!" he exclaimed.

"And if we do this for you, what do we get in return?" asked Orton.

"Well, what do you want?" asked Jericho.

Randy thought for a moment and then smiled evilly. "Hmm. Could you attack Jeff and leave him bound and gagged in a locked closet until he cries mercy?" he asked.

Michelle smiled evilly, too. "And could you give Candice a restraining order against John? If she goes anywhere near him, I'll beat the living hell outta her!" she exclaimed.

Edge smiled, too. "Can you buy me one of those air conditioned hats, while you're at it?" he asked.

Everyone stared at him.

"Come on! It's about 300 degrees out there! Who wouldn't want one?" he demanded.

"...Ok. I'll do what you want if you find a way to destroy DX. Deal?" asked Jericho.

Randy shook his hand. "Deal."

"Now then. You guys wanna know what we're doing today?" he asked, excited.

After that, the room was empty and the door closed behind them.

"FINE! Deserters." he muttered.

...

Meanwhile, Shawn and HHH were trying to beat the heat...

"It's official. We're gonna die out here." Shawn said wearily.

"Yeah. We gotta find a way to cool off." agreed HHH.

Then, he spotted a nearby garden hose!

"Jackpot!" he exclaimed.

"What?" asked Shawn.

"See that hose over there?" he asked.

"Oh, I see what you're thinking. We make it look like a snake, tie some strings around it to make it look like a puppet, and scare the living daylights outta Jericho until he pees his pants! Right?" he asked excitedly.

"Uh...no. But good plan. I was just gonna say we get a drink from the hose." replied Hunter.

"Oh. That works, too. C'mon." he replied.

As they were about to get a drink, Rated RKO was behind a bush, tampering with the water system.

"Wait till we see the looks on their faces after they get a dose of crap!" exclaimed Randy.

Hunter tried to turn the hose on, but no luck.

"Hmm. Piece of crap won't work. You try." he told Shawn.

He tried to make the hose work, too, but still no luck.

"Well, just what we need! This heat's withering us away as we speak, and we can't even get an ounce of water!" he exclaimed.

Then, as the hose pointed towards Rated RKO, the garbage suddenly splattered out towards them!

"WHOA!" exclaimed DX.

"AAH!" RKO exclaimed as they were being covered in filth.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" exclaimed Randy.

"What's that noise?" asked Shawn.

"I dunno. Sounds like an old buzzard with a horrible haircut. Let's go." said Hunter.

Randy was furious. "THAT'S IT!" he exclaimed, charging towards them.

"No, Randy! We'll get 'em next time, all right?" asked Edge.

Later, everyone met up by the cafeteria, where Jericho would return...

Everyone was chatting away while a filth-ridden RKO joined them.

"Well, Rand. What happened to you? Did you, like, do it with a skunk or something?" Jeff asked, stepping back from him.

"Don't start with me, Hardy." he replied. "Unless you want some of this!" he exclaimed, taking off his shirt and tossing it at him.

"DUDE!" Jeff cried, running back. "Don't toss that at me, man!"

"Hahaha." Orton chuckled. "Told you not to start with me."

Then...

"HOWDY!" cried Jericho. "Howdy, howdy, howdy. What's up, my pardners?" Jericho asked in a fake southern accent, wearing a cowboy outfit.

Everyone was silent and bursted out laughing at him.

"Oh, shut up, who asked you?" he cried. "Anyways, I reckon y'all know what this week's theme is, right?" he asked.

"Cowboys and Indians!" exclaimed Maria.

"Uh, halloween?" asked Mickie.

"Dress like a happy moron day?" asked Cena.

"Uh...cowboys and indians?" Maria repeated.

"For God's sake, people! Western! We're doing western today!" Jericho cried, forgetting the accent. "And today's gon' be darn perfect for the old west, 'cause it's a scorcher out here! For y'all's challenge today, we're gon' have some country fun! Ain't that swell?"

"Drop the fake accent, Jericho." Matt told him.

"Yeah, you don't do southern like we do." agreed Jeff.

"Can't argue with that." agreed Shawn.

"Show offs." he muttered. "Anyways, first off, we gon' head to the ol' west to begin y'all's first challenge! Giddyup, young'ns!"

"I swear, he gets more whack each week!" exclaimed Cena.

"Word." agreed Hunter.

"And YOU!" exclaimed Orton.

"What the hell do you want?" Jeff asked, annoyed.

"I can't be bothered by you today." he said, angry.

"Oh?"

"Rated RKO has a special mission to do. I can only be focused on that." he replied.

"So, you're saying that you can't bug me today?" asked Jeff.

"Saying it the first time was painful enough." Randy said through clenched teeth.

"And I can bug you and you can't hurt me back?" he asked happily.

"Dude!" he cried.

"Ok, I gotcha." he replied calmly.

Then, they both glared at each other.

Suddenly, Jeff delivered a Twist of Fate to Orton, and laughed crazily towards the bus.

"Haha, YES...!"

...

Soon after that, the gang headed to this lot which had an Old West setting...

"All right, we made it, y'all!" announced Jericho. "I really should lose the accent, huh?"

"No, duh!" Melina said dully.

He scoffed. "Fine! Anyways, you see that diving board way up there?" he asked.

"Do we get to shove you off of it?" Hunter asked eagerly.

He glared at him. "...No. You guys gotta jump off of it, and try to land on that horse." he said, pointing to one.

It neighed wildly and looked wild!

"And remember, that diving board is 1500 feet high up there! Hahahahahaha!" he laughed.

Then, Cena called out, "Ok, is it possible for us to not die doing this? Looking at this, chances seem pretty slim."

"Aw, quit whining, Cena! You'll all be fine. Maybe. Now, Team Smackdown, since you guys won the last challenge, you guys get to go first!" exclaimed Jericho.

"Oh, goody gumdrops." Shawn said dully.

A few minutes later, Team Smackdown climbed up to the top, but who'd go first...

"Well, team. Who wants to go first?" asked John.

Everyone was silent.

"Come on, you guys. If no one volunteers, I'll have to choose someone." he said.

"Aw, I'll do it." volunteered Mickie.

"Good girl!" cheered Cena.

"You sure about this, babe?" asked Matt. "This might be one of the most dangerous things we've ever done!"

"He has a point there." agreed Shawn.

"We all have to do this, don't we? I might as well be a leader, not a follower. See ya!" she cried, leaping off.

"Be careful!" Candice and Hunter called.

"Whooo!" she screamed, falling down.

As she headed for the horse, it neighed wildly and crazily.

When she landed on it, it bucked wildly and then sent her flying back towards Team Raw!

"AAAAHHHH!" she screamed.

Luckily, Kelly, Jeff, Maria, and Melina came to her aid.

"Mickie! Are you ok?" asked Kelly.

She was still dazed.

"Mickie?" asked Melina.

Silence.

"Mickie, come on, say something!" exclaimed Jeff.

"...I like 'em shaken, not stirred." she said, dazed.

They just stared at her.

"At least she said something." replied Maria.

Not long after that, Matt leapt down from the diving board, landed on the horse, and got bucked towards the other team, too!

"She's ok, right?" he asked, worried.

"She's shaken, not stirred." Melina replied.

"Ok." he said, falling out next.

Meanwhile...

"Ok, what should we do next to sabotage DX?" asked Michelle.

"Hey!" announced Edge with a big smile.

"Edge? How the hell did you get here?" asked Randy.

"Rode under the bus." he replied.

"Ok then. Anyway, look up there. Michaels is about to jump off next. You guys distract the others, and I'll shove the horse from under him before he lands. It'll be painful, all right. That's the plan." explained Randy.

"Nice, Rand. We won't let you down. C'mon, Edge!" exclaimed Michelle.

"All right! Rated RKO is BACK, baby!" he cheered, going to join the rest of his team.

"Edge? What the hell are you doing here?" demanded Matt.

"You guys gotta see this! I'm gonna go stick my face in a cactus!" he announced.

"Wanna watch him writher in pain?" asked Michelle.

"YEAH!" everyone exclaimed.

"All right! Let's go, everyone!" Edge declared, leading the way.

After everyone left, Randy smiled. "Now it's my turn."

"Well, wish me luck. GERONIMOOOO!" Shawn cried, leaping towards the horse.

As he fell, Randy pulled the horse in another direction, but when Shawn was about to miss, the wind blew him in the right direction! Then, he landed perfectly on the horse.

"Well, how lucky was that?" he asked with a smile.

As he walked away, Randy looked in shock. "Wh-wh-what the hell-OH!" he cried.

While he wasn't looking, HHH landed right on top of the horse, which was on top of Randy.

"That was easy enough." he smiled. "Yo, Shawn, wait up!"

Randy withered away from the horse. "Oh..ho." he muttered.

Back on the cliff, John and Candice were left...

"You want to go next, Candy?" asked Cena.

"I'm kinda nervous. What if something really bad happens? Like, what if the horse runs me over? What if I get killed just falling down there? What if-what if-what if...!" she exclaimed.

"Candice! Calm down, everything's gonna be all right." he said, holding her tight.

She blushed.

"Everyone else made it down there ok. You'll be just fine, trust me." he said with a smile.

"Well, I'd feel better if you went first. Then, you could catch me if I miss the horse. Ok?" she asked.

He smiled back. "Deal. See you soon!" he cried, leaping down.

"Be careful, John!" she called back.

As Randy was trying to crawl away from the horse, John landed on the both of them!

"Thanks for cushioning my fall, Orton." he told him.

"Don't thank me, Cena. I don't like you." he muttered.

"Yeah, I don't like you either, man." he replied, waiting for Candice. "All right, Candy! The horse is right here, and if you miss, I'll be here to catch you!"

She took a deep breath. "Ok. 1...2...3!" she cried, leaping down.

Candice shrieked as she took the fall, but luckily, she landed on the horse (and Randy), and then fell into John's arms.

She blushed again. "Hi."

He blushed, too. "Hey."

After that, Jericho and everyone else came back.

Michelle was furious. "Bitch, get your hands off my man!" she exclaimed, storming towards them.

Then, Edge held her back. "Michelle, we have a mission, remember that."

"But she's all over him!" she exclaimed.

"Restraining order." he reminded her.

"Oh. Ok, I'll stay focused." she replied.

Then, they caught a run-down looking Randy.

"Dude?" asked Edge. "Did the plan work?"

"Does it look like it worked?" he asked, pointing to a non-injured DX.

"Oh. Well, when we find another opportunity, we'll get 'em. Don't worry." replied Michelle.

...

Soon after that, it was Team Raw's turn...

"Ok, you guys. Who wants to go first?" asked Maria.

Jeff smiled. "I believe Randy would like to go first."

"Why, you-" he began, furious.

Then, he happily shoved him off of the board...

"...NO!"

...and landed right on the horse, then being trampled by him!

"Randy!" called Michelle. "Edge, go help him!"

"I will...after I get these cactus thorns outta me! OW...OW!" he exclaimed.

"That was awesome." Kelly said happily. "Hey, doesn't this remind you of the time when we had to jump off of that 1000 ft. cliff into the water on our first day on the island?"

"Yeah! You thinking what I'm thinking, babe?" Jeff asked with a smile.

"Let's crush him!" she exclaimed happily.

Then, they held hands, leaped off of the board, and landed on the horse which then sat on Orton!

"OW!" he cried.

"Yay!" Kelly cheered.

"We rock. Later, Orton." called Jeff.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Jeff: "Today's gonna be a good day. Kelly and I get to pick on Orton, he can't do anything...come to think about it, I could get that horse to help us. He freakin' beat the living hell outta him! Aw, life is sweet."

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>Randy just grumbled.<p>

"Wow, my two enemies standing right in my reach, just waiting to be shoved off. Who should I get first?" Michelle asked Maria and Melina.

Melina winked at Maria and she caught the message.

"Well?"

"You choose." Maria said with a smile.

"Fine." she said. Then, she charged towards both of them, but instead they moved out of the way just in time for her to fall off!

"NOT AGAAAAIIINNNNN!" she screamed.

"Haha!" laughed Melina. "Now, I say we finish her off for good. What do you say, girl?"

"Uh, yeah! Let's rock this place!" she exclaimed, leaping off with Melina.

But instead of landing on the horse, they were both caught tangled up in a clothesline!

"HEY!" called Maria. "HELP! HELP US!"

Then...

"WHOA!" Melina screamed, missing the horse, but falling right on top of Randy.

"OOF!...Hey, Melina." he said with a crooked smile.

"Leave me alone, estupido." she scoffed.

"...What?" Orton asked, unsure.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Randy: "Damn, Melina turns me on everytime she's around! Now all I gotta do is learn Spanish and she's all mine."

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>"I'm still stuck." Maria pouted.<p>

Later...

"Ok, guys and gals! Luckily, you all survived that! And since you all landed on a horse, both teams are currently tied at the moment." announced Jericho. "And since we're tied, I've thought of a fun tiebreaker. An' old fashioned shoot out!"

"Ok, seriously. Putting any type of gun in my hand is lethal." Randy replied.

"You're not getting real guns. You know how much they'd sue me if any of you got hurt in any way! I'm Y2J, Chris Jericho! I don't get lawsuits!" he exclaimed.

"Aw, will ya shut up already!" John cried, annoyed.

"Who asked ya, Cena? So, onto the tiebreaker. I want two people from each team to be in the shootout." he said. "Who's up?"

"OOH! Me, me, me, me, me!" Shawn cried excitedly.

"Dude! Calm down!" cried Hunter.

"We gotta be in the shoot out! I'm really good at these sorta things! I've had experience!" he exclaimed.

"You played a virtual shootout game at the arcade, and ended up winning cheap-ass vampire teeth." HHH said dully.

"They glow in the dark." he replied.

"Sweet." he uttered in a whisper. "All right, if you say so. We're up!"

"Oh, yeah? If they're going up, so are we." Randy called. "C'mon, Michelle. Michelle?"

"Candice, get away from my man." she said through clenched teeth.

"Michelle?" asked Orton.

"Get Edge to go for me. I need to cool off." she replied.

"YEAH!" he cheered. "Rand, let's show DX just who is the most dominant force on Earth."

"Rated RKO strikes again." Randy said with an evil smile.

"Ok, you guys." Jericho said, handing them Nerf guns. "Whoever gets the other team down wins! Ready...set...LET'S GO, Y'ALL!"

D-Generation X glared at Rated RKO, while RKO glared back at them.

Then, Randy fired the first few shots, while Shawn did a Matrix move and dodged it! After that, Hunter fired a couple of shots towards Edge, and he swiftly dodged them all. Edge fired back, when HHH leaped up, dodged the shot, while Shawn came out of nowhere and rapidly fired shots towards their enemies. Randy and Edge did a few perfect backflips at the same time, dodging them all! While they both fired back at the same time, they weren't anywhere in sight.

"I-I think we got 'em." Randy said, stunned. "We got 'em! WE BEAT D-OH!" he cried, being kicked square in the face by Shawn, who came swinging from a rope!

"Randy!-OOF!" Edge cried, being whacked in the face by the gun while Hunter twirled it around. Then, while Edge was still stunned, Hunter woo-shoo chopped Edge, sending him flying towards an old shack!

After that, Hunter fired the gun, and before he knew it, Edge had a dart in the middle of his forehead. "I'VE BEEN SHOT!" he cried.

"EDGE!" Randy cried, getting up to help his friend. But before he could, Shawn confused him by doing some moves and spinning around, and then, he fired towards Randy next!

"NO, DAMN IT!" he cried, trying to pull a dart out of his eye.

Jericho was furious that his associates failed. "All right, DX and Team Smackdown win...again." he said, angry.

"WHOO!" they cheered.

"Oh, I shot the sheriff." Hunter said slyly.

"But I did not shoot the deputy." finished Shawn. "Nice shootin; Tex!"

"Right back at ya, man! Hey, think you could teach me how to ace that arcade game? I want glow in the dark vampire teeth!" Hunter exclaimed.

"Who doesn't?" agreed Shawn.

Later...

"Ok, as of now, Team Smackdown's dominating, but Team Raw, you could make a comeback." said Jericho. Then he looked at them. "Probably not. Ok, your second and final challenge is to have a group of cowboys capture a group of cattle. Now, I've already decided, and Smackdown, you guys'll be the cowboys, and you have to capture the cattle, which is gonna be Team Raw. You guys get to wear these oh-so wonderful cow suits! Isn't that swell?"

Maria blew a raspberry at him.

"Haha. Ok, you guys change while I point and laugh at you all." Jericho announced. "HAHAHA!"

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Maria: "I'm not gonna let the girls on my team wear that drag. I'll make those cow colors look divalicious! Yeah, I know it's not a word, but you know what I mean."

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>Maria was fixing up some of the cow costumes while her team watched.<p>

"What'cha up to, Maria?" asked Kelly.

"Voila! Cow costumes fit for a Diva." she said, presenting her newly designed outfits.

"OOH!-I want one! Thanks!" Kelly and Melina said at the same time.

"Sorry, Jeff. I only did a Diva's line." she replied.

"Aw, it's no biggie." he replied, putting on his outfit. "Nothing could spoil my mood today."

"Really? Why?" she asked.

"I get to torture Orton, and he can't do a thing about it." he smiled.

"Awesome! Have fun!" she called.

"Oh, believe me, I will." he replied.

In one part of the field, Matt, Mickie, John, and Candice were all searching for members of the other team...

"So, you two've been hanging out a lot recently." said Mickie. "Do you LIKE each other?"

They both blushed. "Uh-well.." they both stammered.

"Don't be embarrassed or anything, you guys." replied Matt. "You make a nice couple."

They both gulped.

"Couple?" Candice said quietly.

"That is-if you're finished with Michelle, Cena." he continued.

He was quiet for a moment.

"John?" asked Mickie.

"I think I might be." he finally said.

"WHAT?" cried a voice.

Everyone whipped around to find Michelle charging towards them.

"NOOOOOOO!" she screamed, tackling Candice to the ground!

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" she cried.

As the girls beat the living hell out of each other, John ran after them. "Matt, Mickie, go on without us! I got it!"

"O-Ok then." Mickie replied.

Then out of nowhere, the horse from earlier charged towards them!

"Oh, my god!" they both screamed.

Little did anyone know, Edge was riding the horse under a cloak and smiled. "Hahahahahaha! I may not be in the game, but I can sure cause hell!"

As Matt and Mickie reached a dead end. They didn't know what to do!

"This is the end. Goodbye, Mickie." Matt said, scared.

"Goodbye, Matty...One last kiss?" she asked.

"Ok-WHOA!" he exclaimed as she passionately made out with him.

"At least we can go with smiles on our faces now." she finished.

As the horse charged towards them, none other than DX got them out of the way just in time!

"WHA-OH NO!" Edge cried as the horse bucked him off and tossed him in a dirt pile.

"Pfft." he mumbled.

"You guys all right?" asked Shawn.

"Yeah! Thanks!" Mickie said gratefully.

"How'd you guys find us?" asked Matt.

"Eh, I found a trail of skittles, ate 'em and found you guys." Hunter replied.

Then, Candice and John carried a tied-up Michelle with them.

"Got her." Candice declared.

Then, Melina and Maria came their way.

Everyone else got excited and got their ropes ready. "COWS!" they all exclaimed, charging towards them.

"EXCUSE ME? But WHO are you calling a cow?" demanded Melina.

"Melina, just run." Maria said, backing away.

"I still don't appreciate being called a cow-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" she screamed as everyone chased them.

Somewhere else, Randy searched by himself, while at the same time looked for Edge and Michelle...

"Where the hell are those two?" he asked.

Then, he caught Jeff and Kelly.

"Uh oh." he said.

"Ok, where'd everyone disappear to? Don't tell me they all got caught already." Jeff stated.

"Well, everybody but one." Kelly replied.

"What do you mean, Kel?" he asked.

"You might wanna look over there." she said, looking towards Randy.

He grew into a smile. "Oh, really? Hey, Orton, how's life treating ya?" he asked.

"Don't ask." he grumbled.

"Having a bad day so far? Are you miserable?" he taunted.

"Don't tempt me, man. Don't tempt me." Randy mumbled.

"Seems like you're having a CRAPPY day! Kel, you know what happened to him today?" he asked his girlfriend.

"Yeah, I do! Let's see. First, you get bullied around by a wild horse, not to mention got sat and crushed on...what else, Jeff?" she asked, smiling.

"Hmm. Oh, yeah! You get OWNED by DX, who nearly took your eye out with a dart gun, and I also heard that you got sprayed with garbage earlier!" he exclaimed happily.

"I...am...warning...you." Randy said, trying not to attack him.

"And the worst part of it all - I can give you hell until there's no end. And you can't do a damn thing about it." Jeff finished.

"Are you done?" Randy asked.

"No. Now I'm gonna...DANCE!" he exclaimed.

After that, he did a really silly victory dance, and it looked even sillier with him in a cow outfit!

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kelly laughed, leaning against a tree. "Oh, my God, Jeff!"

While he kept dancing around, Randy got more and more furious. Then, he couldn't take it anymore.

"YOU DARE MOCK ME?" he shouted.

"Uh huh." he replied.

"To hell with Jericho's deal, you're FINISHED, Hardy!" Randy shouted, charging towards him.

He stopped dancing. "Dude, calm down." he said.

When Randy wouldn't stop running, Jeff tried to escape until they both crashed and tumbled down the cliff!

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!..." they both yelled.

"Jeff!" cried Kelly.

Then, she slowly turned around and found Mickie from the other team facing her. "Hey, Kel. Want me to capture you or what?" she asked with a smile.

She smiled back. "No, thanks, Mickie. Later!"

Then, she leaped off the cliff, too!

"All righty then." Mickie replied.

Later...

"Well, people, it's official. Team Smackdown wins today's challenge again!" announced Jericho. "Now today, someone's definitely getting the boot on Team Raw's side, so all of you get yourselves ready for elimination time!"

Then, he turned serious. "Orton, Edge, Michelle, come here." he said darkly.

Michelle sighed. "Look, just yell at us so we can get this over with." she said.

"I ask you three to destroy DX for me, but NO! You all got too caught up in your personal problems instead of doing this one little favor for me. And the deal is OFF!" he exclaimed.

"Damn." Randy exclaimed.

"AW! You mean I'm not getting that air conditioned hat?" demanded Edge.

"Get back on the sidelines." Jericho said darkly.

"Fine, Y2Jerkoff." he muttered, going back to the sidelines.

"Jeez, I'll never get rid of those two, will I?" he asked himself.

"Nope!" Hunter said behind him.

He whipped around.

"We're DX, the masters of torture. We make the rules, and we do the pranks around here. Jericho, you can try to outsmart us, but we'll just outsmart you, cause really...you're not that smart." Hunter said with a smile.

Jericho growled.

"Well put, man. And if you're not down with that, we only got two words for ya!" exclaimed Shawn.

After that, they did the DX crotch chop!

"SUCK IT!" they both shouted at him.

After they left, Jericho repeatedly bumped his head against a tree.

...

Later...

"Ok, Team Raw, you all got your buzzer thingies, so make your vote...NOW!" he exclaimed.

A few minutes later...

"TIME'S UP! And I've got the results right here. Michelle...Kelly...Melina...Randy...and Jeff, you're all safe!" he announced.

"WHAT?" exclaimed Maria. "You guys didn't vote me off, did you?"

"No way!" Melina, Kelly, and Jeff replied.

"I did." Michelle exclaimed.

"I don't get it. I pushed the button with my name by it and I'm eliminated?" she demanded.

"Uh, Maria? You're not supposed to do that. You have to vote for who you want to GO, so practically you just voted yourself off. Sorry." Melina said sincerely.

"Aw, crap. Ok, then. Bye, you guys! I'll miss you!" she said, being escorted to the Lambo of suckers.

Then, the Lambo left, turned around a corner, and dropped her off with the other eliminated contestants.

"HI!" she waved from about 7 feet away.

"HI." they all waved back.

"Hey, Maria." CM Punk replied.

"PUNKY!" she exclaimed, making out with him.

"Well, she's a happy camper." declared Melina.

That night, an exhausted Randy returned to the guys' bunk room, where he faced an angry Jeff, who was in a neck brace from the fall earlier.

"Now, listen to me before you do something drastic. I've had a rough day and-" Orton began.

*PUNCH!*

Jeff clocked him square in the face.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Next episode: Recently eliminated contestants CM Punk and Maria are the hosts of the first talk show in Total WWE history, called the TWA Chatterbox, and their guests are none other than Natalya and Edge. What will happen? Just about anything and everything.<strong>_


	10. Episode 6

TWA Chatterbox 1:The Crazy and the Conceited

Episode 6

The audience cheered as Maria and CM Punk came onstage.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they cheered.

"Hey, you guys!" greeted Maria.

"What's up, my people?" greeted Punk. "The beautiful Maria and yours truly, CM Punk here and I bet you're all wondering what we're doing here, you know, since we've both already been eliminated."

"Well, I have just the answer for you! We're here to host a new segment called the TWA Chatterbox!" she exclaimed. "It's just a little talk show around to discuss everything that happened on TWA so far."

"And the best part is, Jericho has absolutely no business being here, so we don't have to give a damn about him!" Punk said, smiling.

"Now, today we'll chat with two of the eliminated contestants and we'll also dish out some unseen footage on the set of the show. You know, it's funny about elimination. You were voted off early, CM, and I was voted off early. We really didn't deserve to be voted off. We were frickin' team CAPTAINS for God's sake! I really don't understand what the hell's wrong with people!" Maria said, getting angrier and angrier.

"Uh, babe, calm down." Punk replied.

"This is a stinkin' rip-off! I-" she began.

"Uh, if I remember more clearly, Punk you volunteered to be eliminated, and Maria, you accidentally voted yourself off." announced Batista, who was on the sidelines.

"WHO ASKED YOU?" she snapped.

"Oh, Batista, I forgot you and the others were even here. Thanks, dude!" CM exclaimed.

"No problem." he replied.

"Ok, you guys, now I'd like to introduce 7 of the contestants who didn't have a chance in hell to make it to season 2. Ladies and gentlemen, Dave Batista!" he announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOO!" the audience cheered.

"Hey, how's it crackin." he replied.

"Santino Marella!"

"WHOOOOOOOOO!"

"Thank you-a thank-a you very much!" he replied.

"The Glamazon!"

"WHOOOOOOOOO!"

She didn't smile.

"Uh, what's wrong?" asked Maria.

"My-a wonderful Glamazon won't-a be happy until-a the crowd cheers-a louder!" replied Santino.

Silence.

"Oh, WHATEVER!" she exclaimed.

"Anyways, Kane!" announced CM.

"WHOOOOOOOO!" they cheered.

"STOP TALKING!" he shouted to them.

Silence.

"O-Ok. JBL!" announced CM.

"BOOOO!" everyone jeered.

"I don't care what you cretins think of me! I am a wrestling God, and damn it, you will respect me! Now I have to tell you-" he began.

"Yeah, no. Next up, Maryse!" he announced.

The guys in the audience wolf whistled and cheered as she posed in front of them.

"Yeah, you like that?" she asked them slyly.

"YEAH!" the guys cheered.

Punk was distracted.

"CM?" asked Maria.

Still distracted.

"CM?"

Still distracted.

"PUNKY!" she shouted.

"Oh! Sorry. And last but not least, the Undertaker!" he announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered.

Then, he glared at the audience and rolled his eyes behind his head.

More silence.

"All right. Now today, we're also taking text messages from you guys out there, and you may also be featured on our webcam here, live to the whole world!" Maria exclaimed. "Now let's get down to business. Our two guests today are two of the craziest contestants of the show, Natalya and Edge! Punky, who should we bring out first?"

"Eh, both of them get on my nerves, so I really don't give a damn." he replied.

"Ok, I'll choose. You've all seen where the craziness comes from, and here she is. Ladies and gentlemen, Natalya!" announced Maria.

"WHOOOOOOOO!" the audience cheered as her theme music came on.

"Nattie!" exclaimed Maryse.

"Maryse!" she exclaimed, giving her a hug.

"The Divas of Evil are back together!" she announced. "Wait, I'm on TV now, aren't I?"

"Yeah..." Punk replied slowly.

Then, she got close up to a camera. "Ok, listen up everyone. If you all thought the DOE was finished, you're totally wrong! With Maryse and I back together, we'll dominate all the goody goody divas and become number one yet again! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she laughed crazily.

Then, two stage crew members had to carry her over to the couch with Punk and Maria.

"You all right now, Nattie?" asked Maria.

"Yeah, I'm good." she replied.

"All right. Natalya, how'd it feel being the first one voted off this season?" asked Punk.

"Well, as you all know, I don't leave silently. I came back and annoyed the crud outta Randy, I'm always there for Melina when she needs me, and I may be eliminated, but I'm still staying! And just think about it. In the first season, I was arrested off kinda early in the game, but 5-odd weeks later, I make my dramatic return and make it to the final 7!" she replied.

"Wow." replied Punk. "So-" he began.

"AND unlike both of you, I was actually voted off, I didn't volunteer or *laughs* vote myself off." she continued.

"Uh, Nattie?" asked Maria.

"I mean seriously, only a loser volunteers to leave and miss out on a chance at the million bucks!"

Punk glared angrily at her. "A loser?" he asked.

"And who in their right mind would be that stupid to vote themselves off, I mean, really!" she continued, still laughing.

Maria stood up. "It was an accident, all right?" she exclaimed.

"Oh, oops, I pushed the button with my name by it and I'm voted off? I thought I'd be safe! Oh NOOOO!" Nattie laughed, imitating her.

"At least I lasted one hell of a lot longer than you." Maria replied.

Then, Natalya stood up. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked seriously.

"It means I'm better than you." Maria said, smiling.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" exclaimed Natalya.

"You tell her off, Nattie!" cheered Maryse.

As the girls were a few seconds away from beating the hell outta each other, Punk stopped them.

"Girls! Let's keep the peace here, all right?" he asked. "Please?"

"Hmph!" they scoffed, sitting on one side of him.

"Ok, now we'll play a little game called Truth or Chokeslam. We'll ask you a series of questions and if you lie, Kane and Undertaker are gonna chokeslam you off of the stage. Ok with you guys?" he asked the Brothers of Destruction.

"Can we chokeslam her into a pit of fire?" Kane asked demonically.

Nattie gulped. "Go easy, guys." she said, scared.

"Ok, there's no fire involved here. Just chokeslam her off the stage and make sure not to kill her." Punk replied.

"Much obliged." Undertaker replied. "We'll do it."

"All right. First question. What's your reason for annoying Randy?" asked Maria.

"Oh, that's easy. I, uh, sorta have a crush on him." she replied.

Everyone gasped.

"What?" she asked.

"Why would you have a crush on that-that WOMAN BEATER?" demanded the Glamazon. "He shoved me down once and never apologized for it!"

"Yes, that Randy-de Orton is a shell of-a man!" agreed Santino.

"I think he's dangerous, and easy to annoy. Not to mention he's totally hot." she replied.

Everyone was quiet.

"Is she lying?" asked Undertaker.

"Yeah, can we chokeslam her or what?" asked Kane.

"I'm NOT lying! Look back to last season! I followed him everywhere he went. I forced myself on him, and I made out with him! He's a good kisser." she continued.

"Ok, Natalya, that's enough." said Punk.

"I swear, if that madman hadn't interrupted us in the woods, I really would've put the moves on him." she replied, smiling.

"Natalya." said Maria. "Let's keep this show PG."

"I'd make him sweat. He'd be coming back for more. And I'd give it to him." she continued.

"Security!" called Punk.

"I'd-hey! HEY! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!...THE DOE WILL NOT DIE!" she exclaimed as two security guards took her away.

"She's a keeper." Batista chuckled.

"Who are we supposed to chokeslam now?" asked Kane.

Then, the looked at JBL.

He looked up from his laptop. "Oh, no. You creatures aren't gonna lay a finger on John Bradshaw Layfield!" he exclaimed.

"We have a victim." Undertaker sneered.

As they slowly approached them, JBL backed away. "You two want a Clothesline From Hell?"

They just stared at him.

Then, he bonked both their heads together!

"Get...him!" exclaimed Kane.

"Leave me the hell alone!" JBL exclaimed, running away as the brothers of Destruction chased him.

"All righty then. I really don't know what Natalya likes about one of the hottest guys on the show." said Maria.

Punk looked outraged. "Maria!" he exclaimed.

"What?"

"You think Randy's one of the hottest guys on the show? You kidding me?" he demanded.

"Well, come on, he's pretty easy on the eyes, if you ask me." Maria replied.

"Aw, jeez." the Glamazon muttered.

"I don't want you flirting with other guys!" Punk exclaimed. "I'm your boyfriend!"

"First of all, I'd never in a million years flirt with Orton. And second, Maryse over there got your blood pulsating earlier! What about that?" she demanded.

"I-I wasn't looking at her! There was something in my eye!" he argued.

"Something in your eye, oh, stuff it, CM!" she snapped.

Maryse chuckled. "What can I say? I'm irresistible." she announced.

"YEAH!" the guys in the audience cheered.

"Don't tell me to stuff it!" Punk argued.

"Well, I just did! Whatcha gonna do about it?" Maria argued back.

While they argued, Natalya ran across the stage, trying to escape the security guards. "I LOVE YOU, RANDY ORTON!" she cried, running offstage.

"Ok, go to commercial!" Maria called.

"Don't tell me what to do-I am your leader!" they both argued.

As all the madness happened, would things get any better?

* * *

><p>Commercial break.<p>

"This show is sponsored in part by Chef Big Show's Mean Twinkie Burger!"

Big Show: "All the fun of Twinkies and Burgers rolled into one. Try one today!"

* * *

><p>Back to the show.<p>

Natalya was back, and sitting between an angry Punk and Maria.

"Welcome back to the show! Well, as you can see, we've sort of straightened things up around here." said Nattie.

Punk stuck his tongue out at Maria while she did the same to him.

"Exactly. So, our next guest is another former contestant and the guy who caused hell since season one. Here he is, the Rated R Superstar, Edge!" announced Natalya.

"BOO!" the audience jeered.

While his entrance music played, he posed and did his 'rock on' signal.

"The HOTNESS has ARRIVED!" he announced.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! they jeered louder.

"Aw, shut the hell up, all of ya!" he exclaimed, taking a seat on the couch.

"Ok, Edge. After seeing your journey on TWA, you're not much crazier than Natalya here." said Maria. "What's your motive behind that?"

"Well, Maria, that's a simple question with a simple answer. I am the Rated R Superstar! I can do whatever the hell I want, WHEN the hell I want! If I want a soda, I'll take it!" he exclaimed, snatching CM's Pepsi.

"Dude! That's my Pepsi!" he exclaimed.

"If I want the whole couch to myself, then it's MY couch!" he exclaimed, shoving everyone off and then stretching himself out on the couch.

"HEY!" the three exclaimed, on the floor.

"AND if I want to taunt the 'Deadman', I'LL DO IT!" Edge exclaimed, flicking Taker's nose.

"Why you-" he growled.

"Don't worry. Attack when the time is right." Kane replied.

"So, that answer your question?" he asked.

"...Yeah, I guess." Maria replied, glaring at him.

"Ok, let's take some text messages." announced Punk. "Ok, here's one from Charlie of San Fransico, California. 'Edge, are you and Randy in some kind of love-hate relationship? Just wondering.'" he read.

"WHAT?" Edge exclaimed. "Ok, listen up, Charlie, whoever you are. I will say this for the last time. WE ARE NOT TOGETHER! Jeez!"

"You heard him, Charlie, Edge and Randy aren't together." Punk said, chuckling.

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" Edge shouted.

"Ok, here's a message from Tammy of Frankfort, Kentucky." said Maria. " 'You've done a horrible job on this season so far. You were the first to get eliminated, and you got OWNED by DX in that shootout episode! Do you plan on making a comeback?' "

"Well, DUH! I'm Edge, I always make a comeback! And what do you mean I've done a horrible job? Yeah, I haven't accomplished anything, but I'm still a part of Rated RKO, and that's all that matters. Now go…chuck some corn, Kentucky. Next question!" Edge replied.

"Here's one from Charlie again." said Punk. " 'You sure you're not with Randy?' " he read.

"Screw you!" Edge exclaimed, almost pulling his hair out.

"Ok, ok, let's move on." said Punk. "Let's check our webcams and see who's on."

The screen came on, revealing Undertaker glaring darkly at him.

"Huh?" Edge exclaimed, looking around to see where the real Undertaker went.

Then, the screen cut to a guy wearing an elephant mask.

"Uh, hi. Who are you?" asked Maria.

"Hey, Joe Mama here. I just wanted to say that Chris Jericho is THE greatest host in the history of TV! He's an inspiration to all mankind!" the guy exclaimed. "And how in the hell did you two get your own show?"

Then from a distance, Big Show called, " Yo, Jericho, we still on for that Lakers game later?"

"Uh, who's Jericho?" the guy asked nervously.

Big Show appeared on the screen, too. "Hey, guys. Try Big Show's Mean Twinkie Burgers, all the fun of Twinkies and Burgers rolled into one!" he announced.

"Yeah, nobody wants your crap, dude." Edge said dully.

"I do!" exclaimed Natalya.

Then, Big Show took off the guy's mask, revealing Jericho!

"Big surprise." replied Batista.

"Oh, damn, damn, DAMN!" he exclaimed, running out of the shot.

"Well, that was pleasant." Punk said, turning the monitor off. "Now-"

*ring ring*

"Hello?" he asked.

_"Yes-a, I am-a regular caller-a saying that Glamarella beats-a any other-a couple on this-a show! They-a deserve-a a shot at-a the million-a dollars!"_ the guy said.

"Santino, get off the phone." Punk said dully.

"Oh-a drat!" he exclaimed, putting away his cell.

"Ok, you guys. The last segment of the show is entitled 'Oh, No You Di-in't!' " exclaimed Maria. "We'll just show you guys some unseen footage of the guys and girls in some candid situations! Let's watch!"

"That was MY line!" exclaimed Punk.

"You've been chatting away for the last 15 minutes! It's MY turn!" Maria argued.

"%!%$#!%$#^!$!" they both screamed at once.

"Here's the video package." announced Natalya.

"No animals were harmed in the making of this video compilation. Enjoy!" added Edge.

* * *

><p>John was flexing his muscles for Candice when a rat ran by his foot. He screamed, ran away, bumped into Candice and fell off a balcony.<p>

Matt and Mickie were making out when Mickie got a little too carried away with him.

Michelle was trying to reach for something in a cabinet when a bunch of Big Show's uh…mystery pancake mix fell on her head. Then, she fell over in shock.

Randy was trying to put the moves on Melina when she slapped him and he stumbled and fell, crushing a table across the room.

Shawn and Hunter were escaping a herd of chickens, while HHH was eating a bucket of chicken. Shawn demanded that HHH drop the bucket and run, but he refused. Then, HBK slapped him, and HHH slapped him back. While they had their slapfest, the chickens started to attack, HHH threw the bucket in the air, and the two of them fled the scene.

Jeff and Kelly were playing golf, when one minute, he aimed for the golf ball, but when the camera returned on them, he was rolling down a hill! Kelly got worried and tried to catch him.

Jericho was riding a tricycle in circles (don't ask why), when Big Show tried to stop him. He got tangled up with the bike, when he (and Jericho) fell over!

* * *

><p>Back to the show, Punk and Maria were sitting on opposite sides of the room and still weren't talking to each other, while Edge still took over the whole couch and Natalya was on the floor.<p>

"Ok, was that hilarious, or what? Anyways...ok, you two still aren't talking to one another, huh?" asked Natalya.

"Huh." said Punk.

"Huh." said Maria.

"It's no good closing the show with you two hating each other. We gotta fix this." she said.

"Hey, my 'Tino has the perfect solution!" exclaimed the Glamazon.

"God help us." muttered Batista.

"I-a do! I'm-a gonna sing a song about the rewards of-a love! Those-a two will-a cheer up in-a no time!" Santino announced.

"You can sing?" asked Edge.

"Of-a course! Hit the-a music, honey!" he announced.

She turned on a radio. "Sing it, Tino!" she exclaimed.

"_Everybody loves somebody sometime  
>Everybody falls in love somehow<br>Something in your kiss just told me  
>My sometime, is now<br>__Everybody finds somebody someplace  
>There's no telling, where love may appear<br>Something my heart keeps saying  
>My someplace, is here<br>If I had it in my power  
>I would arrange for every girl to have your charms<br>Then, every minute, every hour  
>Every boy would find what I found, in your heart<br>Everybody loves somebody sometime  
>And although my dream was overdue<br>Your love made it well worth waiting  
>For someone like you" <em>he sang professionally.

Everyone else was dead silent.

Edge and Natalya hugged, then noticed and broke loose.

Maria looked teary-eyed at Punk while he looked teary-eyed towards her.

Then, they ran to each other, and hugged. "I'M SO SORRY!" they both sobbed.

Meanwhile, Undertaker and Kane weren't moved.

"Can I chokeslam him NOW?" demanded Taker.

"Eh, go ahead. Have fun." Kane replied.

While Edge wasn't looking, Taker sneered behind him. He turned around and was caught in a chokeslam!

"Oh, NO! Come on, man, can't we talk about this? Please?" Edge pleaded.

"...No." Taker replied, slamming him into the ground.

Then, Taker and Kane looked at Natalya.

"Leave me alone!-I love you, Randy Orton-leave me ALONE!" she cried, escaping the brothers of destruction.

"Well, I'd call this a happy ending." said Batista.

"Yes! Glamorella saves-a the day!" announced Santino. "All-a will-a fear me! Santino Marella!"

Then, Batista shoved both him and the Glamazon off of the sidelines!

The Glamazon growled while Santino said, "Dave Batista, you disrespect Glamarella, you pay-a the price!"

"You haven't gotten me before, you'll never get me now." he replied with a smile.

Meanwhile, Punk and Maria were making out. "Ok, you guys, that's it for the TWA Chatterbox. Don't forget, we'll be here all season!"

"Yeah, and make sure to check out next week's episode of TWA!"

"Bye!" they both called. "I love you, Maria." Punk replied.

"I love you, too, Punky." she replied, still making out with him, as all chaos continued onstage.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Next episode: The teams compete in Adventure themed challenges, two members of Team Raw clash over leadership over their team, and two best friends take a turn for the worse.<em>**


	11. Episode 7

Total WWE Action!: Born To Be Wild

Episode 7

"Yo, what's up, my peeps? This is the codebreaker, Chris Jericho here with another unpredictable episode of TWA coming up next! Two weeks ago, the weather was a killer, so it was the perfect day for an old fashioned country fest! But before the games began, I had a plan for Rated RKO to try and destroy DX for me, but all throughout the day, RKO's plans backfired on them when DX apparently outsmarted them! Randy also informed Jeff that the two couldn't brawl anytime that day, giving Jeff the ultimatum. Both teams faced off in western themed challenges, while chaos ensued. The first challenge had both teams leap off a 1500 ft board and land on a wild horse down below. Everyone on Team Smackdown made it down somewhat safely, but Randy wasn't so lucky. And after Michelle saw her man Cena holding Candice in his arms, she was furious! Next up was Team Raw, where Jeff had no problem shoving Orton off, and then finished him off when he and Kelly both crushed Orton to the ground, lol. Michelle was about to finish off Maria and Melina, but the girls beat her to the pnuch and sent her flying down next. Then, the two leapt off together, only for Melina to land near Randy, (and to insult him) and Maria to get tangled up in midair! As both teams were tied, DX faced Rated RKO (Edge and Randy) in an old fashioned shoot out! Both teams were close, but in the end, it was DX who OWNED RKO, much to my expense! The third challenge saw a cattle roping challenge, where Team Smackdown dressed as the cowboys/girls, and Team Raw dressed as the cattle. Michelle caught Cena and Candice together again, and McCool had enough and tackled Candy to the ground! Meanwhile, Edge tried to chase Matt and Mickie to oblivion, but just in the nick of time, DX saved them from certain doom...again. Jeff caught Randy and told him off the best way he could, and even finished it off with a little victory dance! Orton had just about enough and then tackled himself and Hardy to the ground! Later, Team Smackdown captured all their cattle and won yet again. And at the end, it was Maria who was eliminated next after she accidentally voted herself off! This week, will Michelle go to extremes to break up Cena and Candice? And will D-Generation X face off...against each other? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>"...And after that, he tackled me to the ground and started beating the crap outta me!" John told Candice.<p>

"Whoa, were you ok?" she asked.

"Sure! After he did that, I gave him the STFU and shut him up for at least 5 weeks in the hospital." he replied.

She laughed. "Cool! I'm glad you're all right." she replied.

"Thanks, Candy." he replied. "You know, I'm really glad we've been spending all this time together. I'm completely forgetting about whatshername."

"You mean, Michelle?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah, her. You're WAY better than she ever was." he said, looking into her eyes.

Candice blushed. "Really?" she asked with hope in her eyes.

"Hey, I'd never lie. Especially to a beautiful girl like you." he continued.

"John..." she blushed. "That's so nice of you to say."

"Then you'll love hearing this: Candice, I love you." he told her.

She looked shocked and said nothing.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he asked.

She still smiled and looked shocked.

"Candice?" he asked. "Candice?"

_"Candice...Candice..."_ Melina's voice cut in. "CANDICE!"

She woke up. "Huh?" she asked in surprise.

"It's 11:00 in the morning! Everyone's awake except for you, sleepyhead." she told her friend.

"Wow, I didn't know it was so late! Thanks for the wake up call, Mel." she said.

"No prob. So, did you have a special dream or something that kept you out so late?" she asked.

"Oh, um, it was nothing special. I was just tired, I guess." she replied.

"Ok, then. Well, meet you in the cafeteria. I'll save you a seat!" Melina called, leaving the girls' trailer.

She sighed. "If only dreams came true, then John really would've said that to me." she said sadly.

* * *

><p>Later in the cafeteria, DX met up with Randy, Edge, and Michelle. What kind of chaos would happen?<p>

There was one piece of cake left, and both Triple H and Randy had their eye on it.

"Lay off, dude! This is mine!" exclaimed Hunter.

"NO FRIGGIN WAY!" Orton screamed. "I was here first! You lay off!"

"You have one last chance to get outta here uninjured if you stay the hell away." HHH replied.

"Is that a threat?" asked Orton.

"Duh." he replied.

"Don't you 'duh' me! This is my damn cake!" Randy exclaimed.

"Oh ho, you don't want to get on my bad side. You REALLY don't want to go there." HHH said threateningly.

"Oh, what are you gonna do, eat me?" Randy asked.

HHH was furious. "No, but I'll kick your ass!" he exclaimed.

Then, Shawn, Edge, and Michelle saw the scene.

"Whoa, Hunter, what's going on here?" asked Shawn.

"I was about to take the last piece of cake, and Orton here practically cuts me in line!" he exclaimed angrily.

"Uh, I WAS HERE FIRST! DO YOU NOT UNDERSAND THAT?" Randy screamed.

Everyone in the room stared at him.

"Jeez, we get it, loudmouth." Shawn muttered.

"You two were just arguing over cake? Is it really a big deal?" asked Michelle.

They both looked at her.

"I guess so." she said dully.

"Ok, there's gotta be a way to settle this." declared Edge.

Then, Jeff walked by when Randy snatched him over.

"YOU!" Orton cried.

"What the hell do you want from me, Bigmouth?" he demanded.

"Hunter over here thinks that last piece of cake is his, and I say it's mine!" he explained. "So we need you to judge an arm wrestling contest."

"Arm wrestling?" everyone else asked.

"YOU HEARD ME!" Orton cried. "Up for it, Hunter? Or are you scared?"

"Seriously, dude, I have way more muscle than you. This is gonna be a sweat." he replied.

Then they both got into position while Jeff counted them off.

"Ok, you know what to do. On three. 1..2.." he began.

"AW, WILL YOU HURRY UP ALREADY?" Orton demanded.

Jeff glared at him. After that, he helped Hunter by pinning down Randy's hand!

"3." he replied.

"Hey, thanks, man!" Hunter exclaimed.

"Anything for a friend." he replied, still glaring at Randy.

"What-WHAT THE HELL!" Orton cried. "That's illegal!"

"There were no rules in this game, including outside interference. So...I win!" Hunter replied.

"Haha, he just owned you, Orton." Shawn chuckled.

He just glared at everyone. "Don't you two have anything to say about this?" he asked Edge and Michelle.

They both shook their heads. "No." they replied.

But before anyone could do anything, Matt swiped up the cake instead!

"Awesome, I got the last piece. Later, guys." he told everyone, walking off.

Then, HHH and Orton glared at each other. "THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" they both shouted.

A few minutes later, Jericho bursted in the lunchroom!

"Hey, it's MEEEEEEEEEEE!" he sang.

"AW!" groaned everyone.

"Ok, what the hell are you wearing today, Chris?" asked Mickie.

He was wearing an Indiana Jones costume. "Well, isn't it obvious?" he asked.

"No, and really, I don't give a damn, you know why? You look like an idiot every day." John said with a smirk.

Everyone else laughed.

"Cena, you're really getting on my bad side." Jericho said darkly.

"Oh, like you ever had a good side, you hypocrite?" Cena continued.

"Lalalalalalalalala!" Jericho babbled, covering his ears.

"I'm done now." John told him.

"Good. Now, since none of you guys even have the brains to notice, we're all doing an adventure theme today! Isn't that great?" he asked.

"Do we get to hurt you in some way today?" asked Shawn. "I mean, in a way, it's adventure."

"Nice try, dude. Now let's head over to the set for your first challenge!" he announced.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, they all arrived to a set with two sides of a cliff, separated at the middle where there was a long drop towards the ground.<p>

"Ok, you guys. Here's your first challenge. Every member of each team has to cross this huge gap between these cliffs without falling through to the bottom. If you fall, you're finished, so you gotta make this count for your lives. Now, each member has to use this rope to swing to the other side. Whichever team makes it to the other side in the quickest time, wins! Any questions?" he asked.

Everyone just stared at him, scared.

"Great! Both teams get ready and we'll begin!" he exclaimed.

"Ok, you guys. Anyone want to volunteer to go first?" asked John.

"I'm scared." said Candice.

"Me, too." replied Cena. "But I guess I'll go first."

"Be careful, Cena." said Shawn.

"Yeah, we'll help push you to the other side." agreed Mickie.

"Ok. Thanks, you guys." he said, getting into position.

On Raw's side...

"Ok, which one of us should go first?" asked Melina. "And it ain't gonna be me."

"I'd like to push Orton off of this cliff." Jeff replied.

"Not if I shove you down first!" Randy snapped.

"If we had a team captain, they'd choose for us." said Kelly.

"Yeah, Maria never told us who'd be captain after she was eliminated." agreed Melina.

"I'LL BE CAPTAIN!" Randy and Jeff said at the same time.

"Come on, I'd be the best damn captain around! I'll whip this team into shape!" Randy exclaimed.

"Well, unlike him, I'd be a TRUE captain. I'll do whatever it takes for us to win a challenge." Jeff told everyone.

"Ok, I'll settle this. Eeny meeny miny mo." said Michelle.

Kelly and Melina groaned.

"Eeny, meeny, miny, mo. Catch a tiger by the toe. If he hollers, let him go. My mother says to pick the very best one and you are it!" she exclaimed, pointing towards Randy.

"YES!" he exclaimed. "I knew Michelle would pull through for me."

Jeff and the girls glared at her.

"What? It's how the game goes, either of you don't like it, tough!" she snapped.

"Well, fine, let's just watch and let Orton destroy our team, why don't we?" Jeff said angrily.

"I'd still vote for you, Jeff." Kelly said sincerely, giving him a kiss.

"Me, too! You'd make the best damn captain around here!" Melina said, cheering him up.

"Thanks, you guys." he replied with a smile. "At least you two understand."

"Raw, hurry up, Team Smackdown already started!" exclaimed Jericho.

Everyone looked in shock as John, Matt, and Mickie were already on the other side.

"Ok, we gotta move. And as the new captain, I want Kelly to go first." Randy said with an evil smile.

"What?" she demanded.

"Let's go." he said, pulling her towards the rope.

Then, Jeff shoved Randy away. "Get your hands off of her, you bastard." he said darkly.

"I'm captain, I say Kelly goes first!" Randy exclaimed, shoving him away and then shoving Kelly towards the other side.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed.

"KELLY!" Jeff and Melina screamed.

She thought she wasn't gonna make it, but fortunately, she caught her balance and safely made it to the other side!

"Thank God." Jeff said from the other side. "Orton, I'm gonna kill you!"

"No you're not!" he exclaimed, swinging himself to the other side.

* * *

><p>On Smackdown's side, everyone was across except for Candice, Shawn, and Triple H.<p>

"Ok, who's up next?" asked Shawn. "We got a pretty good lead, so I think there's no rush."

"I want to get this over with. I'll go next." said Candice.

"All right. We'll send you back to John." HHH said with a smile.

"For the last time, I just feel sorry for him!" she exclaimed, but was suddenly pushed to the other side. "AAH!"

"Be careful, Candy!" they both called.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" she screamed, heading for her friends. Only, the rope stopped in midair. "Oh no! GUYS!"

"Damn it, what are we gonna do?" asked Matt.

"Yeah, we can't just leave her there!" agreed Mickie.

"I'll make sure she gets here safe. Candice!" called John.

"John! I'm scared! I'm gonna fall!" she exclaimed.

"I'm not gonna let that happen to you! Now just try to swing yourself this way, ok?" he directed.

"Ok." she replied. "It's working!"

"Great, you're almost here!" he replied. "You're doing awesome, Candy!"

When she was in her teammates' reach, they all helped her to the other side.

Candice ran into John's arms. "Thanks, you guys. Thanks so much." she replied gratefully.

"We're just glad you're all right, Candy." replied Mickie.

* * *

><p>On Raw's side...<p>

Kelly and Randy were safely across, but would Melina, Jeff, and Michelle make it?

"COME ON, MOVE IT!" Randy screamed from across.

As Melina was about to go next, Michelle took her place. "I'm next. Deal with it." she replied.

"I won't deal with anything, you-!" Melina exclaimed, getting ready to attack her.

As Michelle swung to the other side, Jeff held Melina back. "Don't attack her now. We gotta focus on winning, ok?" he asked.

"Ok. So, do you want to go next or should I?" she asked.

"Well, to be on the safe side, you go next. At least everyone's already there to help you-well, Kelly is, anyway." he replied.

"Wait, what about you?" she asked.

"Don't worry, I'll find a way to make it there." he replied.

"Ok. Wish me luck!" she exclaimed, swinging to the other side.

* * *

><p>On Smackdown's side...<p>

"It's just you and me, man." said HHH. "Who's up next?"

"I don't wanna be last." said Shawn.

"Well, I don't wanna be last, either." replied Hunter.

"Hmm. There's no rule saying that we can't go at the same time. Besides, if we go with that plan, we'll get there in one trip instead of two! Whaddya think?" asked Shawn.

Hunter was already positioned on the rope. "See you on the other side!" he exclaimed.

"HEY!" Shawn cried, clinging onto the rope at the last second.

"WHOA!" they both screamed as they quickly headed towards the other side.

Then...

*SLAM!*

They both headed face first into the wall.

"...Ow." Shawn said dully.

"Can we do that again?" HHH asked, excited.

"No." everyone else replied.

"You guys gotta hurry up here! There's only one person left from the other team and there are still two of you left here! Let's go!" exclaimed John.

On Raw's side, Jeff was the only one left. Would he make it?

"MOVE IT, HARDY! IF YOU COST US THE WIN, WE'RE VOTING YOU OFF!" Randy screamed.

"Shut the hell up, Orton!" Jeff called back.

"WE WON'T VOTE YOU OFF, JEFF!" called Kelly. "JUST BE CAREFUL!"

"YEAH, IT'S ALL YOU RIGHT NOW!" agreed Melina.

Then, he focused on the other side, pushed himself off and swing to the other side, but then stopped short just a few inches from the other cliff.

"Damn it!" he cried.

"It's ok, we got you!" Melina cried, trying to pull him back, along with Kelly.

As he tried to reach their hands, he accidentally let go of the rope.

"AAH!" he shouted as he was headed for the bottom.

"Jeff!" cried Kelly.

But before it was too late, the girls grabbed onto his wrists and pulled him up.

Randy and Michelle even decided to help.

Meanwhile, team Smackdown was still trying to pull both Hunter and Shawn up, too.

"We're almost there, you guys!" exclaimed Cena.

Things were neck and neck, but Jeff climbed up the cliff, followed by HHH and HBK.

"And...TIME!" called Jericho.

"Who won?" demanded Cena and Orton.

"Ok, Team Smackdown, you made it in 15 min, 45 seconds. And Team Raw, you made it in 15 min, 44 seconds!" exclaimed Jericho.

"YAY! WHOO!" team Raw cheered.

Team Smackdown looked disappointed.

"This is your fault!" HHH told Shawn.

"MY fault?" he demanded.

"Yeah, your fault! If you hadn't clung onto the rope, I'd have no problem getting there!" he argued.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! If it wasn't for MY idea, one of us would still be there on the other side! I was just trying to make this go a little quicker, but you're always so unappreciative, I don't even know why I bother to help you out!" Shawn argued back.

"Ok, the point is, I would've made it there one hell of a lot faster without this dead weight clinging onto my rope!" HHH replied.

"DEAD WEIGHT?" HBK exclaimed, furious.

"Yeah, I said it! Whatcha gonna do about it? Huh?" HHH taunted.

"If you blame me for all your problems, then this friendship, it's over, man." Shawn said seriously.

Everyone gasped.

"If you wanna be that way, then so be it!" Hunter replied.

"You guys..." said Mickie.

They turned their backs to one another.

"Ok. I understand that you guys are pissed off, but we're still a team, right?" asked Matt.

They were still silent.

"...Well then. If we're all cleared up here, then let's move on to our second challenge." said Jericho.

While everyone walked off, Jericho hid a smile. "If they're not speaking to one another, then that means that DX are finished for good! No more pranks on Y2J, no, no, no!" he exclaimed to himself.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, everyone arrived to the set of this huge cave...<p>

"There aren't any bats in there, right?" Melina asked, scared.

"Who knows? There could be practically anything in there. Bats, rats, bears, man eating creatures of the night..." Jericho went on.

"Good bye!" Melina exclaimed, walking off.

Kelly and Jeff brought her back.

"Haha. Anyways, your second challenge is based off the Indiana Jones saga." he said.

"Oh, is that why you're dressed like a moron?" John asked with a smile.

Everyone laughed.

"Shut up! Anyway, both teams have to go inside this cave, and somewhere inside of there, is a huge 40 karat diamond. You have to find the diamond, and then find your way back. Just a warning: It's confusing in there, and you all have a risk of being trapped in there forever. So, you gotta make this challenge count for your lives, too. Any questions?" asked Jericho.

"Yeah. Why do you always intend to kill us with your death-ridden challenges?" asked Mickie.

"Now why would I want to kill you guys?" he asked innocently.

"Because you hate us, dude." replied Matt.

"Yeah, that's true. Ok, you guys know what to do. The team that finds the diamond and returns first is the winners. If Team Raw gets this, they win, but if Team Smackdown gets this, it's all tied up. Now...*blares air horn*

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" everyone yelled, covering their ears and speeding into the cave.

"Hahaha. Oh, I'm good." Jericho said slyly.

Inside, there were two different paths. Team Raw took one, and Team Smackdown took the other...

"Hey, thanks for helping me back there." Jeff said gratefully.

"That's the only nice thing I'll do. Don't get used to it." Michelle replied.

"Yeah, Michelle and I only helped because we were one second close to losing!" agreed Randy.

"Oh, so winning is more important to you than someone falling to their death?" Jeff demanded.

"Hey, if you made us lose, Michelle and I still would've voted you off." Randy replied. "Luckily, that didn't happen. You know, it's funny how all the bad luck traces back to you. Story of your life, huh?"

After that, Jeff looked hurt and replied, "You know nothing about my life." then, he turned around and went in another direction.

Kelly and Melina looked shocked and felt sorry for him.

"Randy, you just don't know when to shut up, do you?" Kelly snapped, running after her boyfriend.

Then, Melina added, "Randy, I want you to quit being so mean to him!" Then, she joined Kelly in searching for Jeff.

"And now we lost our team." Michelle finished.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Shawn and HHH's argument wasn't so good for Team Smackdown either...<p>

"Come on, you guys gotta end this fight." John told them.

HHH and HBK just glared at one another and walked on.

"What are we gonna do about them?" asked Candice.

"I don't know, but they've gotta make up, before this team starts to fall apart." said Mickie.

Later, they searched and searched for the diamond, but then arrived at a dead end.

"Wow, you led us to none other than a dead end. Shocker." Shawn said sarcastically.

"Did I ask you to follow me?" HHH snapped.

"Well, I'm going in my own direction, and I'm taking everyone else with me. So, go on, stay trapped in here forever for all I care!" Shawn exclaimed, going the other way. "Come on, guys."

Cena pulled him back. "No. Listen to me, both of you. Now, I don't know how long you're both gonna hate each other, but you two aren't gonna break this team up. You can argue and fight all you want! Yeah, none of us like it, but we need to stay together as a team. Do you understand me?" he asked.

They both nodded.

"All right. We gotta get a move on before we get lost around here. Let's go, everyone." he led the group.

In another part of the cave, Kelly and Melina found Jeff drawing something on the wall...

"Jeff, there you are!" Kelly exclaimed, hugging him. "We were so worried about you!"

"Yeah, we looked for you everywhere!" agreed Melina.

"Don't worry. I'm fine." he replied.

"What are you drawing?" asked Kelly.

"Oh, just a design I made up. You guys like it?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's beautiful!" exclaimed Melina.

"And listen. Don't listen to what Orton said to you. You know what a jerk he is." Kelly said, taking his hand.

"I know. I mean, Orton knows nothing about me or my life, so he has no right to judge me for that! Yeah, I've been through a lot, but I got through it. And now, I'm stronger than ever." he replied.

"That's right!" agreed Melina. "And to hell with Orton and Michelle, everyone else around here likes you for who you are."

"Sweet, kind, nice, unselfish, and the best friend we've ever had." finished Kelly.

Jeff blushed. "Aw, you guys..." he smiled.

"Hey, we got him to smile!" exclaimed Kelly.

"Sweet!" Melina exclaimed, high-fiving her.

Then, Randy and Michelle found them.

"What the hell do you want?" asked Kelly.

"Listen. Maybe I went a little too far earlier. I shouldn't have said that to you." Randy told him.

Jeff just glared at him. "Fine." he replied.

"Now, come on, we still need to find this diamond and get outta here. Let's go." he said, leading everyone out.

Team Smackdown were still lost, and that was the least of their problems...

Matt saw something shining in the distance. "Hey! I think I see the diamond!" he exclaimed.

"Seriously?" asked Candice.

"Yeah! Look ahead!" he exclaimed.

"Sweet! C'mon, you guys, let's win this!" exclaimed Cena.

Everyone ran towards the source, but realized it was a false alarm.

"A lightbulb?" asked Mickie.

"Oops. My bad." he replied.

Then, he walked backwards and bumped into something warm.

Everyone else gasped.

"What?" he asked.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" everyone screamed, running off.

Matt looked back to find a huge anaconda facing him.

"WAIT FOR ME!" he cried, following them.

They ran and ran, but kept running into dead ends!

And if that wasn't enough, the anaconda slithered towards them.

"We're gonna die, we're gonna die, we're gonna die..." Mickie babbled.

"We're not gonna die." said Cena. "We just gotta find some way outta here."

Then, HHH leaned back against a wall, and it revolved back.

"Hey, you guys! Check this out!" he exclaimed.

"Hunter, you're a genius!" exclaimed Candice.

Shawn just rolled his eyes.

As they all went to the other side, they closed the wall back, and were faced with another problem.

"Good going, Hunter. We're trapped." Shawn told him.

He just glared back at him.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, things weren't much easier for Team Raw...<p>

"We've been in here for at least 3 hours and we find nothing!" exclaimed Randy. "How much do we have to go through to actually win for once?"

"Uh, Randy?" asked Michelle.

"Hmm?"

"Behind you." she pointed out.

"Hell to the yeah!" he exclaimed.

The diamond was on this pedestal thing.

"Wow, this thing's huge! Is it real?" asked Melina.

"If Jericho planned this, it's fake." answered Kelly.

Everyone agreed.

"All right, let's get this thing and get the hell outta here!" exclaimed Orton.

"Wait!" called Jeff. "You gotta be careful with that thing. Don't you know that you have to put something in the diamond's place or else something bad's gonna happen?"

"We don't have time for that! Let's just grab the diamond and go!" he argued.

"I know what I'm talking about!" he argued back.

"WE GOTTA GO!" Orton screamed, grabbing the diamond.

Then, the whole cave started shaking.

Jeff glared angrily at him while Randy looked on meekly.

"What's going on?" asked Michelle.

All of a sudden, a huge boulder rolled towards them.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" everyone screamed, running off.

On Team Smackdown's side...

"Now what?" asked Candice. "We might be trapped in here forever!"

"Well, everyone, thank Hunter for this lovely outcome." announced Shawn.

"Ok, seriously, I've heard enough from you, all right? I'm tired of you bringing me down, I'm tired of you insulting me, and really...I'm glad you're not my friend." HHH said seriously.

"And I thought Jericho was the hypocrite around here. Everything you just said goes right back to you. But there is one thing I agree on. I'm glad you're not my friend, either." Shawn replied.

Then, to everyone's surprise, HHH swung a punch at him!

Shawn ducked and swung a punch at him, too, but HHH ducked and the two were about to fight while everyone else broke them up.

"GUYS! Knock it off, all right?" exclaimed Cena.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Team Raw was still trying to escape the giant boulder...<p>

They turned every corner, path, and twist, but it seemed like the entrance was nowhere to be found.

"We're never gonna get outta here!" exclaimed Melina.

Then, the floor caved in from underneath them!

"AAHH!" everyone screamed.

They all got up, but kept running when the boulder fell through and kept chasing them.

"You still got the diamond, Orton?" asked Jeff.

He checked, but then saw it in the path of the boulder!

"Oh, crap!" he exclaimed, snatching it up in time.

"Orton!" everyone exclaimed.

"Don't yell at me! We gotta move!" he called.

"Hey! There's the entrance!" exclaimed Michelle.

On Smackdown's side...

Everyone was still holding HHH and HBK back when suddenly the floor collapsed from underneath them, too!

"Oh no." said Matt.

"AAHH!" everyone screamed, falling to the bottom.

As they landed, they all leapt up and started finding the exit.

"I see light! I think we're almost there!" exclaimed Matt.

"What about the diamond?" asked Mickie.

"It's probably..." began John.

Then, Team Smackdown finally arrived outside to meet Team Raw with their diamond.

"...too late." Cena finished.

"Yep." said Jericho. "Raw made it here one second before you did."

"Again?" asked Candice.

"And that declares them today's winners!" he exclaimed.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they exclaimed.

"And Smackdown, that means..." began Jericho.

"We know, we know, elimination time." John said dully.

* * *

><p>Later...<p>

"All right, team Smackdown, use your buzzer thingies to determine who you want outta here." said Jericho.

John, Candice, Mickie, and Matt were uncertain, but Shawn and HHH had no problem trying to vote themselves off.

"And...TIME! Ok, here's the results...Wha-oh." he said.

"What?" asked Candice.

"Seems here that all of you have a vote each. That's a first." Jericho replied, confused.

"Well, I voted for myself because I didn't want to vote off Hunter or Shawn." said John.

"Same here." said Candice. "The longer you two stay here, the better chance you'll have of being friends again."

"It's not gonna happen." Hunter replied.

"Did you all vote for yourselves?" asked Shawn.

"Yep." replied Cena, Candice, Mickie, and Matt.

"Wow, I love ties because we get an awesome tiebreaker! And that is...eeny meeny miny mo." Jericho smiled.

Everyone groaned.

"Eeny meeny, miny, mo. Catch a tiger by the toe. if he hollers, let him go. My mother says to pick the very best one and you...are...not...it!" he exclaimed, pointing at Matt.

Everyone looked shocked.

"Aw, COME ON!" he exclaimed.

"Haha. Sorry, dude. It's time to take a ride in the lambo of suckers." said Jericho.

"Now, wait just a damn minute here!" exclaimed Matt.

"Later, dude!" he exclaimed, throwing him into the lambo.

"Shawn, Hunter, you two better make up, soon!..." he called, riding off around the corner.

"Mickie?" asked Jericho.

She was clinging onto the back of the lambo as it went around the corner.

"I'M NOT LEAVING MY BOYFRIEND!" she exclaimed.

On the other side...

"Hi, babe." Matt said as he went to the sidelines.

"Hello." she replied. Then, she passionately kissed him.

"Well, you see what we have to go through now, right?" Cena asked HHH and HBK.

"I'll be in my trailer." Shawn muttered.

"Ditto." Hunter replied.

"Our team's in deep trouble if those two are gonna keep fighting." Mickie announced, joining them.


	12. Episode 8

**__****_AN: Ok, so the next two episodes aren't necessarily competition episodes, but I just added them for fun._**

* * *

><p><span>Total WWE Action!: Friends In Low Places<span>

Episode 8

"What's crackin', TV Land?" This is the ayatollah of rock and rolla, Chris Jericho here with another crazy episode of TWA coming right up! Last week, Candice thought she finally had Cena to herself when it was really a dream she had. She wasn't too happy about that! Meanwhile, HHH and Randy both had their eye on the last piece of cake, so what better to determine who should have it than an arm wrestling match? With Jeff's help, Hunter beat Orton, but Matt took the cake instead! Both teams had to endure two insane adventure-themed challenges, and the first one was a rope swinging contest. Everyone on Team Smackdown was getting to the other side easily, but it wasn't the same on Raw's side. Randy and Jeff both wanted to be the new captain, but after Michelle's choice, Randy was the new captain, much to everyone else's disgust. Back on Smackdown's side, Candice almost didn't make it, but with the help of her team, she breezed through...right into John's arms. Luckily, Michelle didn't see that. Shawn and Hunter had to go at the same time, but when Team Raw made it to the other side by one second earlier, Smackdown lost the first challenge. Things only got worse from there. Hunter blamed Shawn for their team's losing, while Shawn blamed Hunter in return. Then, to everyone's shock, the two declared that they'd no longer be friends, therefore DX broke up! During the second challenge, which was the Indiana Jones challenge, Hunter and Shawn's constant fighting got their team lost, uncoordinated, and broken up! Cena tried to restore order, but after a brawl almost happened between the two, there was no hope. On Raw's side, Randy's harsh comment to Jeff caused him to ditch the team! Kelly and Melina were able to cheer him up, and Randy 'apologized', but everyone knows that Orton never really means it. Later, they were able to find the diamond first, and by a few seconds, defeated team Smackdown for the win! During elimination time, Matt was the one to get the boot after the team refused to vote either Shawn or Hunter off, hoping to give them a chance to make up. This week, will competition make Randy and Jeff's feud even worse? And just how long will the battle dividing DX last? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>Everyone was in the cafeteria, when Jericho made an appearance for a special announcement...<p>

"WHAT'S UP, JERICHOHOLICS?" he announced.

"Will you shut up already?" demanded John. "First of all, we can hear you just fine, and second, we're NOT your stinkin' Jerichoholics! Got it?"

Jericho chuckled. "Cena, you may not notice, but everyone's a Jerichoholic to me. It's an epidemic. You see, Jerichoholism is a free religion. It's a religion where you get to roam free with me and all the sexy beasts. It's where-" he started.

Everyone stared at him like he was crazy.

"What?"

"Are you always this stupid, or are you making a special effort today?" asked Shawn.

Eveyone else laughed.

"Oh, really? Well-" began Jericho.

"Shawn, a sharp tongue doesn't mean you have a smart mind." Hunter interrupted.

He angrily turned towards him. "Listen. I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening." he replied.

"Ooh." everyone else said.

"Ok, well, I don't think you're a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?" replied Hunter.

"You know, I used to think you were a colossal pain in the neck, but now I have a much lower opinion of you." Shawn replied.

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" demanded Hunter.

"OH, WHAT DO YOU THINK?" demanded Shawn.

As they were a few seconds away from fighting one another, everyone had to hold them back.

"MAINTAIN!" exclaimed Jericho.

Everyone was silent.

"You're still here, Jericho?" asked Melina.

"I haven't made my announcement!" he exclaimed.

"Well, go ahead, we're not getting any younger." she replied.

"Ok. Today, I've got a special treat for you. Since it's a bee-yoo-tiful day outside, and I'm getting a raise on my paycheck, I'm treating all of you to a barbeque!" he announced.

"Seriously?" asked Edge, appearing from out of nowhere.

"Where'd you come from?-Anyways, yeah, I'm serious. So, you guys better get your stuff packed so we can get on the bus. Later!" he announced.

"This is probably the only time I'll appreciate him for something." Candice said, stunned.

A few minutes later, everyone got their things packed and were all on the bus, headed for the park...

"Orton, Kelly and I are gonna sit here." said Jeff. "Move."

He glared at him. "I don't see your name on this thing." he replied.

"My bag's right there! Come on, will you just move?" he asked.

Then, Orton casually took his bag and tossed it to the other side of the bus.

"OW!" Michelle cried as the bag hit her on the head. "Randy!"

"Sorry, Michelle." Randy replied, still glaring at Jeff. "Now, looks like you and Kelly have to move somewhere else. Boo hoo."

He was getting aggravated. "I was here first. Either you move, or I move you. Your choice." he said through clenched teeth.

"Edge, Michelle, I saved you guys a seat!" Orton called.

"WHAT?" demanded Jeff.

As Edge and Michelle joined Randy, there weren't any seats left.

"Hey, did you get us a seat?" asked Kelly.

He kept glaring at Randy. "Not anymore." he replied.

"But there aren't any seats left!" exclaimed Kelly.

"Seriously?" he asked, glancing around the bus.

"Too bad, Hardy. Should've gotten here earlier." Randy replied with a smile.

"Now what do we do?" asked Kelly.

"Uh..." he said, still trying to find a seat.

A few seconds later, the bus was on the way to the park, while Jeff and Kelly were forced to stand in the very back of the bus, where there was barely even room to move around. When the bus hit every bump around, their heads bounced off the roof.

"OW!" cried Kelly. "This blows."

"Yeah, we're screwed." Jeff agreed. *BONK!* "OW!"

"Hey, Shawn, you all right?" asked Mickie.

"If I don't have to hear from or see Hunter, I'll be fine." he replied angrily. "And Mickie, I appreciate you and the others for not voting me off last week."

"Uh, hold on." interrupted Hunter from the seat in front of them. "Mickie and the others didn't vote ME off. They all knew that it was your fault that we lost the last challenge. Right, Mickie?"

"Uh..." she began.

"Hey, don't bring her into this!" argued Shawn. "She's my friend, not yours!"

"Mickie's my friend!" exclaimed Hunter.

"In a pig's eye! Why would she want to be friends with an eating machine like you?" he demanded.

"Because I'm strong, and I got muscle! There's not much to say about you." he replied.

"I got more muscle than you could ever think! Mickie, check out these guns!" Shawn said, flexing his muscle.

"Pay no attention to him." replied Hunter. "I've had BBQ wings with more meat on them than that!"

"OH, SHUT UP!" exclaimed Shawn.

"YOU SHUT UP!" Hunter argued back.

Mickie just sighed and listened to her ipod.

"CAN YOU BOTH PLEASE SHUT UP?" exclaimed Melina, who was sitting next to Hunter.

"NO!" they both exclaimed.

"All right." she replied casually.

"Thanks for saving me this seat, John." Candice told him.

"No problem." he replied. "Besides, since Michelle's hanging out with Orton and Edge, I have more time with you."

She blushed. "Yeah, we're gonna have so much fun at the barbeque! It's a perfect day, we don't have to do any challenges..."

"AND we don't have to stomach Big Show's crap!" added Cena. "At least, I hope not."

"Hahaha!" she laughed. "I hope not, either."

Then, Michelle caught them together again and aimed a spitball towards her head.

"Hey! What the-?" Candice demanded, whipping around. "Michelle, what the hell?"

"Get away from John, you tramp!" Michelle replied.

"Oh, why should you care? He's your boyfriend, yet you rather sit with Randy and Edge. So I should have the right to sit with John." she replied.

"No other woman is allowed to be within 5 feet of John. Which includes you, so you better get the hell away from him before I toss you out the back door of this bus!" she exclaimed.

"Well, YOU listen-" began Candice.

"YO, GUYS!" exclaimed Jericho. "We're here!" he announced.

* * *

><p>Soon after that, they all got off the bus, and saw the awesome scene...<p>

"FOOD!" exclaimed Hunter. "Big Show didn't cook this, right?"

"Nope, as a matter of fact, he's running an elementary school cafeteria today, so he's not in." Jericho replied.

"Poor kids. Hope he doesn't kill them." muttered Jeff.

"Ok, you guys, food's all set on the table, and you can take your seats!" announced Jericho.

Everyone took their seats around one of those long picnic tables, while Jericho stood at the end. "ALL RIGHT, LET'S EAT!" he announced.

"Hold on!" interrupted Shawn. "Don't you heathens ever say grace?"

"Come on, I'm starving here!" exclaimed Edge. "Can't we wait until we're done pigging out?"

He glared at him. "No. I'll begin. Everyone, bow your heads." he announced.

Everyone except for Jericho, Randy, Edge, and Hunter did what he said.

"Everyone."

They bowed their heads.

"Dear Lord, we thank thee for our many blessings. For the food on our table, for all our friends who are here today, and the bounty that is before us."

Hunter was secretly pigging out.

"And Lord, if you should see to send a bolt of lightning to strike this heathen pig of a man, so be it." Shawn finished quickly.

Hunter meekly looked up.

*CRACKLE!*

"My bad." he said nervously, dropping his fork.

"Amen." he finished.

"So, can we eat, now?" demanded Edge.

"Eh, have fun." he replied.

Randy chuckled. "Edge, what's the rush, man? You're acting like you haven't eaten in days."

"No, I'm just trying to cherish the only time we get to eat actual food not cooked by Big Show. Moments like this come once in a lifetime!" he exclaimed, munching on a corn cob.

"I hear ya." Randy replied, sipping a beer. "Michelle, what's wrong this time?"

"Take a wild guess." she said darkly.

"Is it about Candice and Cena again?" he asked.

"I am so sick of her, and I'm so sick of her putting her hands all over my John!" she exclaimed. "You know, he's supposed to be here with me being my chore bitch!"

"Have you ever thought that Cena likes being with Candice more than you?" he asked.

"Why would you say that?" she demanded.

"Well, number one, you're part of Rated RKO, and he hates Edge and I, and number two, I think maybe he likes her, too. And I mean LIKES her, you know what I mean?" Orton replied.

"Whatever." she replied. "Candice is gonna get what she deserves one way or another."

Then, as Randy was reaching for the basket of biscuits, Jeff had his hands on the basket, too.

"Not you again." Jeff replied.

"Give me the basket." Orton said darkly.

"I had it first." Jeff replied darkly.

"I'll tell you one last time. Give me the basket." he replied.

"Hell...no." he replied.

"Guys..." began Melina.

"GIVE ME THE DAMN BASKET!" screamed Orton.

"COME ON, MAN, LAY OFF!" Jeff screamed back.

As the guys played tug-of-war with the basket, Jericho tried to stop them.

"DUDES!" he shouted. "MAINTAIN!"

"BUTT OUT!" they both shouted at him.

"Sorry!" Jericho replied, backing away.

But that didn't stop them.

"LET GO!" they both shouted before the basket broke in half, and biscuits flew everywhere.

"WHOA!" everyone else screamed.

One bounced off Mickie's head. "Nice." she replied.

Another one splashed in Melina's drink. Then, she took out the wet biscuit, smirked, and revealed it to them.

A third one rolled right by Hunter's plate, but he munched that up, too.

"Nice going, Orton, you screw up!" Jeff exclaimed.

"I'm the last person you should be calling a screw up!" Orton screamed back.

Then, Jeff was furious and tossed a beer bottle towards his head.

Randy ducked just in time, but before he could do anything else, Edge and Michelle held him back, while Kelly held Jeff back.

"Wow, how could I miss that head?" Jeff said sarcastically.

Randy growled and tried to attack him, but his friends kept holding him back.

"Now's not the time, Rand." Edge told him.

"Ok, I think lunch is over now." announced Jericho.

"Damn it!" cried Hunter.

* * *

><p>Later, everyone went to a field to play a nice game of baseball...<p>

"Ok, gang. Since lunch was such a disaster, maybe we can all take out our anger with a nice game of baseball!" announced Jericho. "It's team Raw against Team Smackdown, and Smackdown, you're up first and Raw's in the outfield. LET'S HAVE SOME FUN!"

Candice was up at bat first, while Mickie was the catcher, and Michelle decided to be the pitcher.

"Shake, rattle, and roll, princess!" Michelle, exclaimed, tossing a fastball towards her.

"EEP!" Candice squealed as she ducked the ball.

"Strike 1!" called Mickie.

"Aww, don't be afraid, Candy. It's just a little fastball. How pathetic are you?" Michelle asked.

"Shut the hell up!" Candice called back.

John just glared at Michelle, while he felt bad for Candice.

Then, McCool pitched another ball, while Candice swung this time, but missed.

"Strike 2!" exclaimed Mickie.

"Give up! There are other people here who want to play, don't be a ball hog!" she exclaimed.

"John, will you go next? Please?" she asked.

"Sure, Candy." he replied. "And don't feel bad because of her. Remember, you've been Women's Champion before. She hasn't. That's something to brag about." he said with a smile.

She smiled back. "That's true. Thanks." she said, going to the sidelines.

When John was up next, Michelle got surprised. "What are you doing up at bat?"

"Michelle, I really don't want you talking to Candice like that, ok? If you've got an issue with her, take it out on me." he replied.

She glared at him and then tossed a fastball towards him, and he swung the ball out of the park!

"Whoa!" exclaimed everyone.

As John easily made a home run, he went by Michelle and said, "And that's what happens if you take your issues out on me." he smiled.

She just glared at him again.

"Ok, that was the only ball I brought." announced Jericho. "Any alternatives?"

A few minutes later, Shawn was up next, and Melina pitched next.

"Clear the way, you guys, he can't swing for peanuts!" exclaimed Hunter.

HBK glared at him. "Ok, you want me to shove this bat up your-" he began.

"HEY!" shouted Melina.

They turned back towards her.

"Now, seriously, an honest man of the faith like you wouldn't be saying things like that." she replied.

"You're right. Thank you for stopping me." he replied.

"Come on, you guys! Let's get this show on the road!" exclaimed Mickie. "I'm on a sugar rush and ready to roll!"

"All righty then!" exclaimed Melina, tossing the new ball (which was a shoe) towards Shawn.

He was about to swing, when Hunter ran in the way, snatched his bat and swung the shoe in another direction.

"WHAT THE-" began Shawn.

Hunter ran past first base, then past second, reached third, but Edge caught the shoe and forcefully tagged him with it.

"HAHA! YOU'RE OUT!" Edge announced.

"Shut up, nimrod." Hunter muttered.

"Serves you right." Shawn replied when he got back to the sidelines.

Then, to his surprise, Hunter caught the shoe and whacked him on the head with it!

"OW!" exclaimed Shawn. "You want to take this outside?"

"Guys, you are outside." replied Jericho.

"After you!" Hunter replied.

Then, the two started beating the crap out of each other!

In the next inning, Team Smackdown was in the outfield while Team Raw was up at bat.

Michelle was the catcher, Candice was the pitcher, and Melina was next at bat.

"Ready, Mel?" asked Candice.

"Bring it, girl!" she replied.

Candice tossed the shoe towards her, but before Melina could even swing towards it, Michelle grabbed her ankle and dragged her down, causing her to miss!

"What the hell was that?" Melina demanded.

"I dunno. Something I just felt like doing." she replied with an evil smile.

"Well, I feel like doing THIS!" Melina exclaimed, attacking her with the bat.

"OW! Knock it off!" Michelle shouted as people had to break them up.

Next up at bat was Randy.

"Go, murder 'em, Rand." said Michelle.

"Oh, I will." he replied.

As Candice threw the shoe, Orton swung towards it, but Kelly was standing in the wrong place and the shoe accidentally whacked her hard on her head.

"AAH!" she shouted, falling down.

"KELLY!" called Jeff and everyone else, rushing to her.

Jeff held her in his arms. "Kelly, you all right?" he asked, worried.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" asked Mickie.

"What?" she asked, dazed.

"Oh, crap! She can't see!" exclaimed Edge.

Everyone glared back at him.

"I can see just fine." she replied. "Could someone please get me an ice pack?"

"Sure-Of course-" they replied.

"Randy, I'm gonna KILL you!" screamed Jeff.

"What are you talking about?" he demanded.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" he asked.

"Don't blame me for this! She was standing in the wrong place!" Randy replied.

"Wow, I can't believe you." Jeff muttered.

"Hey!" called Jericho. "Can I have my shoe back?"

Then, the shoe bounced off his head.

"...Thank you." he said dully.

* * *

><p>Later that day, everyone was in this cabin, while the girls were in the kitchen and the guys were in the living room...<p>

"Well, that was a rousing game of baseball." announced Michelle. "That definitely helped unleash my anger."

Everyone else just glared at her.

"You were the only one who had fun out there." replied Melina.

Then, Kelly came out of a room after her accident, looking miserable.

"Kel, how are you?" asked Candice. "You ok?"

Then, she pushed her hair aside and revealed a HUGE bump on her forehead.

"Holy crap, pop that sucker!" exclaimed Michelle.

After that, Kelly got upset and started sobbing.

"Leave her alone, Michelle!" exclaimed Mickie, giving her a hug. "She's going through a very hard time right now!"

"It's all Randy's fault!" Kelly sobbed.

"Hey, don't blame him while you were the one standing in the wrong place." Michelle replied.

"It's not Kelly's fault!" exclaimed Candice. "You were the one causing most of the trouble!"

"Exactly." agreed Melina. "But it's 4 against 1 right now, so we're not afraid of you."

Michelle just glared at all of them. "Whatever."

In the living room...

John and Edge were versing each other in Call of Duty.

"You're finished, man." Edge replied, controlling his character to attack John's character.

"I don't think so." John replied, controlling his character to dodge the attack.

Then out of nowhere, Shawn and Hunter jumped in and snatched the controllers from them.

"I'm gonna blow your ass up!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Not if I destroy yours first!" Shawn replied.

"Well, I'll go in the kitchen then." replied John.

Edge still looked down at his empty hands where his controller was. "Well, that wasn't nice." he finally said.

Since Jeff and Randy were still pissed at each other, Jericho forced them to play checkers with each other to calm them down, but it would only get worse...

Randy made his move and then Jeff made his. But the two were getting bored out of their minds.

"Hey, that's an illegal move!" exclaimed Randy.

"I double jumped you. I don't see how that's illegal." Jeff replied.

"That wasn't a double jump, you just cut across the board in the wrong direction and stole 5 of my pieces!" Orton argued.

"Have you ever played this game before?" Jeff asked dully. "Cause you play like crap."

"At least I know how to play baseball, and to whack others on the head when they're not looking." Orton replied, looking towards the kitchen where Kelly was.

"Take that back." Jeff said darkly.

"Make me." Randy replied.

Then, Jeff suddenly flung the board up in the air, whacking Orton in the face.

"MESS WITH ME, WILL YA?" Orton exclaimed, tackling him to the ground!

Edge, Shawn, and Hunter turned their attention to them.

"Sweet, a fight!" exclaimed Edge.

The two brawled around on the floor, until Jeff kicked him off of him. The two got up, just in time for Randy to ram Jeff into a wall!

"AGH!" he cried as pictures and all sorts of things fell down.

Jeff tried to get Randy off of him, then they backed away from the wall, ran over a couch, and fell over a coffee table, breaking it!

Edge, Shawn, and Hunter all sped in the kitchen next.

"Whoa, what's going on?" asked Melina.

"A lot." replied Hunter with a chuckle.

From the kitchen, Jeff and Randy could still be seen fighting on the floor. Then, Randy had Jeff in a headlock, while Jeff furiously nudged him in the back.

"AAH!" Randy yelled in pain.

In the kitchen, everyone else had no idea what was going on, and all sipped drinks and talked merrily. From there, Jeff could be seen bodyslamming Orton over a chair. Then, he dragged Orton by his neck across the room to the other side. The two were rolling around on the floor again, but then Jeff had him in another headlock, and then he slammed Orton over another table! After Orton rolled to the floor, Jeff picked him up when Randy countered and ran them both out into the hallway, once again brawling on the floor. The two got up and continued wrestling after that.

Back in the kitchen, everyone was partying and chatting around while John came around carrying a tray of frijoles. They all sang a song that was on the radio.

"Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive, feel the city breakin' and everybody's shakin', and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive, ah, ha, ha, ha-AAAAHHHHH!" everyone screamed when Jeff and Randy suddenly crashed through the door, rammed through Cena, the frijoles flew everywhere, John stumbled into a refrigerator, and everyone was freaking out! Then, Randy tried to run Jeff into a table, while Jeff pushed Randy away.

"HEY!" shouted Cena. "KNOCK IT OFF!"

"STOP!" yelled everyone.

Then, Jeff shoved Randy into a table, bumping him into the fruit punch, splashing it over everyone!

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the girls.

Edge hid behind Michelle.

The guys continued to wrestle around, when Randy shoved Jeff over an open burner!

"AAAHHH!" Jeff screamed in pain.

After that, Jeff rammed Randy and himself over another table, causing it to tip over, and a whole batch of powder flew all over Shawn, who was standing in the wrong place.

Baking soda flew over everyone else, too!  
>"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" the girls screamed even more.<p>

"MY HAIR!" screamed Melina.

Then, it was over.

John and the guys stared at them, while Shawn looked pissed.

Jericho casually walked in the room and looked down at the two of them on the floor.

Silence.

He kept staring at them.

"HE DID IT!" Randy and Jeff yelled at the same time.

"Ok, obviously having you two play checkers isn't a good thing. But I've got the perfect solution. I want you all to get cleaned up, and meet me at the middle of the park. We'll settle this problem tonight. M'kay?" Jericho said with a smile, leaving.

* * *

><p>Later, everyone got cleaned up and was headed to the middle of the park...<p>

"I can't believe they destroyed the frijoles!" exclaimed Cena. "You know how long I took making them?"

"I know! That was insane!" agreed Candice.

"My hair..." Melina whimpered.

"Hey, I found a frijole!" exclaimed Hunter, taking one off of Shawn's hat.

"Don't touch me." he said dully.

"I gotta admit, that was pretty hilarious when that powder flew off that table and poofed all over you!" Hunter laughed.

"Please. Shut up." Shawn replied, walking ahead.

Hunter smirked and shook his head in response.

"Kelly, I never got a chance to check on you. How's your head?" asked Jeff.

"I can't show you. It's too horrible." she said sadly.

"It's ok. I'm not gonna laugh or anything." he replied.

"Show him." Mickie told her.

She brushed her hair away and revealed the huge bump on her head.

"Oh." he said, stunned.

"See? I look horrible!" she exclaimed.

"No, you don't." he replied, putting an arm around her shoulder. "You look beautiful and you always will." he said with a smile.

"Thanks. But this is all Randy's fault." she replied.

"That I can agree with." he agreed.

"Well, that was violent." Michelle said.

"Yeah, you gonna be all right, Rand?" asked Edge.

"I'll be just fine after I finish destroying Hardy." he said through clenched teeth. "I can't wait to see what we get to do next."

A few minutes later, they all met Jericho.

"Welcome, you guys. Ok, since Jeff and Randy hate each other's guts, this obstacle course behind me will declare a winner for today." he explained.

"Obstacle course?" they both asked.

"Yep. I really don't need to explain it, all you gotta do is try to win. Simple enough, right? So, you two get ready, because you have one hell of a run waiting for you. We'll start in a few minutes." he finished.

"I am SO gonna kick Orton's ass in this thing." Jeff said, stretching.

"I heard that, Hardy. After this race, I'm gonna beat you to a pulp." replied Randy. "If they didn't stop that fight before, you'd be finished by now."

"Dude, you're not scary, all right? Threaten me all you want, it's not gonna work." he replied.

"Yeah?" asked Orton.

"YEAH!" replied Jeff.

As the two argued in each other's faces, everyone had to tear them apart.

"K, it's time!" announced Jericho.

Soon, the guys got into position, while everyone else watched anxiously.

"Take your bets here!" exclaimed Edge, taking people's money. "Bets over here! Who's gonna win and who's gonna blow? I'm taking bets right here!"

Randy growled at Jeff while Jeff signaled to Randy by pointing at his eyes and pointing to Randy's eyes.

"All right, Randy." coached Michelle, patting him on the back. "You know you can beat him. You're taller, and way more agile, ok?"

He nodded.

"Jeff, this is gonna be a snap for you." coached Kelly, massaging his shoulders. "With your speed, and your instinct, you'll kick Orton's ass!"

He smiled and nodded.

"Ok, you guys, get ready...set...*BOOM!* " Jericho fired a pistol in the air.

And they were off!

Both guys sped off as fast as they could while everyone else cheered for them.

"GO! WHOO!"

First, they reached this pit of tires on the ground.

They breezed through the tires and continued to speed through to the next obstacle, where they had to swing themselves across using the monkey bars. Randy tried to push Jeff off, while Jeff whacked him away. Then, they both jumped off and ran to this rope that was hanging from a tree branch. They argued over who should swing it first, but when Jeff had his hands on it first, Randy grabbed on, too, and they both swung down the steepest hill!

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" the two screamed in terror.

The enemies both crashed to the ground, and the branch holding them broke off.

"Ooh!" everyone exclaimed.

"Hahahahaha!" laughed Edge.

Orton and Hardy rolled down this hill to a stop, then got up and ran towards these loose ladders. They furiously tried to climb up them, while at the same time trying to sabotage the other. Jeff was in the lead, and laughed crazily as he climbed over to the other side. Randy furiously caught up to him, but then rolled down the net and ran down Jeff at the same time!

"Whoa!" everyone exclaimed in shock as Edge continued to laugh his ass off.

Then, Randy rolled over Jeff, and then got up and continued to run. Jeff immediately got up and was on his tail. Soon after that, they ran towards these tires that were half under the ground. Randy quickly slid through the first one, while Jeff leaped out of nowhere and slid under another tire. The two climbed under tire after tire after tire, until Randy got stuck under the last one.

"HEY!" he shouted, furiously trying to get free.

Jeff easily slid through the last couple of tires and told him, "Hey! Slow down on the Slim Jim's, why don't ya?" he laughed as he sped away.

Randy growled.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jeff screamed in triumph.

"YEAH, KICK HIS ASS, BABY!" exclaimed Kelly.

"MOVE IT, RANDY!" exclaimed Michelle.

Then, Jeff ran and climbed up this log which tilted up. Since he was in a rush, he wasn't being careful when he lost his balance and landed between his legs. Ouch!

"OOH!" everyone winced.

"That's deadly." said Shawn.

"...Ahhhaha." Jeff cried in a high voice, slipping upside down on the log, but he still kept his grip.

Then, if things weren't any worse, a deer came out of nowhere and walked over Jeff's hand.

"AAH!" he cried.

Then, a moose, followed by a bear walked over his hand, too.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!" he cried in pain, but he still kept his grip.

"HOLD ON!" cheered his friends.

Meanwhile, Randy finally managed to slip through the tire, but his pants fell down, revealing smiley faced boxers.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" everyone laughed hysterically.

"Hey, Rand, I see your undies!" called Hunter.

"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!" he exclaimed, pulling his pants up and speeding as fast as he could to catch up to Jeff.

"No...NO!" Jeff cried as Randy was climbing up the log. Then, he crawled up the log, too, but Randy climbed enough to get the lead. Furious, Jeff, climbed back up and tried to catch up to Randy.

"YEAH, IT'S ALL YOU, RAND!" exclaimed Michelle, jumping all over the place.

Then after they both reached the top, they each grabbed a rung from above them.

"Feeling tired yet?" asked Randy. "Give up!"

"I'll never give up in a million years!" Jeff exclaimed. "It's ass kickin' time and I'm gonna be the one on top!"

"Yeah?" demanded Randy.

"HELL Yeah!" he exclaimed back.

Then, as they jumped off the platform, they both screamed as they slid all the way down.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they screamed.

They slid, and slid, and slid, and slid, until Randy, followed by Jeff let go and violently rolled down another hill, into a pile of hay.

"OOH!" everyone winced again.

They shook themselves off, glared at each other, and then got up and ran towards this wall, with a rope connected to it.

"COME ON, JEFF!" screamed Kelly.

"LET'S MOVE, RANDY!" screamed Michelle.

When they reached the wall, they immediately grabbed a rope and started climbing. They were neck and neck, when Jeff got a slight lead when he was halfway over the wall. His foot ran over Randy's hand.

"OW!" he screamed.

Then, he grabbed his foot and tossed Jeff over the other side.

"AAH!" he cried, falling down.

Then, Randy had a crazy look on his face as he suddenly took the lead. Jeff looked furious and started running after him. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed in fury. Then, they turned around a corner, where the finish line was ahead. Randy looked back at Jeff and laughed crazily, while Jeff's eyes bugged out. "No. NOOOOOOOO!" he shouted. Jeff was able to catch up with Randy, and the finish line was right ahead. They ran as fast as their feet could take them, but then, they crossed the line at the same time!

The rest of the gang joined them.

"Holy crap, who won?" demanded Mickie.

"Randy did!" exclaimed Michelle.

"No, Jeff did!" argued Kelly.

Then, Jericho approached them.

Jeff and Randy stormed up to him. "WHO WON?" they demanded.

"Both of you. It was a tie." he announced with a smile.

"WHAT?" they exclaimed.

"Yep. Just goes to show that neither of you is better than the other. You're equally talented...and insane. Now, it's getting late. We better pack our things up and head back to the set. Let's go, people." he said, walking ahead.

Then, everyone stormed up to Edge.

"What?"

"We want our money back, you cheapskate." announced Shawn.

"Or else we'll have to beat the hell out of you." added Hunter.

"...Gotta catch me first! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Edge laughed, speeding away.

"Get that joking jackass!" announced John as everyone sped after him.

"You did awesome, champ. I'm proud of you." Kelly told Jeff, giving him a water.

"Thanks, Kel." he said gratefully. "I'm still pissed that after all that it was a tie, though."

"I'm more than pissed!" exclaimed Randy. "I knew I could've beaten you!"

"Orton, shut up." Jeff said tiredly.

"I know how we can settle this." said Michelle. "As a tiebreaker, let's see which one of you could race this entire obstacle course again."

"What?" Kelly asked in surprise. "That's a terrible idea!"

"DEAL!" Jeff and Randy exclaimed at the same time.

"We'll be here all night, if we have to." Jeff said as they all walked off.

"I'll feed you to the bears." Randy replied.

"You wish." Jeff replied back.

Kelly just sighed heavily.


	13. Episode 9

Total WWE Action!: King Of The Road

Episode 9

"What's good, my fellow Jerichoholics? This is the codebreaker, Chris Jericho here with another insane episode of TWA coming up next! Last week, we all took a break from the competition, when I treated everyone to a good ol' barbeque! But being with these guys, nothing ever ends up right. On the bus, Randy stole Jeff's seat, while Jeff threatened him to get it back, but that didn't turn out well, when Jeff and Kelly had no choice but to stand at the dreaded end of the bus. Shawn and Hunter were still at each other's throats when they fought over Mickie's friendship and annoyed everyone else at the same time! Michelle got jealous once again after catching Candice with her man Cena, but when the two were about to begin a catfight, we finally arrived at the park. When we tried to have a peaceful lunch, it was all ruined when Randy and Jeff clashed over things...again. After threats were given, biscuits were flown everywhere, and a beer bottle was thrown towards Orton's head, lunch was officially finished. Next, we tried to play a nice game of baseball, but Michelle, Candice, and John clashed again, while Michelle attacked Melina out of nowhere, Shawn and Hunter had another brawl, and Kelly was almost knocked unconscious by Randy! Jeff was furious! Later, Orton and Hardy had just about enough of each other, and a HUGE fight rang out! The guys were mauled, but then brought the fight into the kitchen where everyone else was! They sent Cena and his frijoles flying in one direction, sent punch splashing all over everyone else, and then ran each other over a table, ending the madness. As everyone else was furious, I had an idea for the two to duel it out in an obstacle course! To make a long story short, both guys were neck and neck, while they both tried to sabotage each other, but at the end, it was none other than a tie! The rest of us headed home, but Jeff and Randy still vowed to find out who was number one. This week, is the end near for Cena and Michelle's relationship? And will things between Hunter and Shawn ever be the same? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>Everyone was minding their own business when Jericho called on the loudspeaker...<p>

"_Attention, castmates! Please meet me in the main lot for a surprise!" _he announced.

A few minutes later, everyone approached Jericho with all types of weapons, such as pitchforks, torches, and knives.

"You called us, Jericho?" asked John.

"Y-Yeah. Any reason you guys brought...those?" he asked nervously.

"Well, we've known you for a very long time, and we've figured out that whenever you have a 'surprise' for us, that really means that one of us is gonna get hurt...bad." answered Melina.

"So now we've armed ourselves for attack in case you try something." agreed Mickie.

"Guys, I didn't even say what the surprise was!" he exclaimed.

"Ok, guys. Ready...aim..." began Cena while everyone aimed their weapons.

"I'm taking you guys out on a road trip!" Jericho said quickly.

SIlence.

"Heh?" asked Shawn.

"WE'RE GOING ON A ROAD TRIP?" Edge asked, coming from nowhere.

"Why do you keep coming here?" demanded Jericho. "You were eliminated like, seven weeks ago!"

"Cut the crap, Jericho, and answer my question!" exclaimed Edge.

"Yeah, we're going on a road trip." he replied.

"What's going on, dude?" asked Jeff. "First, you take us to a barbeque, and now you're treating us to a road trip? Who are you?"

"I'm still the same sexy beast that I am..." he began.

He just rolled his eyes.

"...but the only reason I'm doing this is because Big Show's still busy cooking for places all around the country. Right now he's at the penitentiary feeding the inmates. And I'm feeling lonely, so that's why." he finished.

"Ok, so where are we off to?" asked Hunter.

"It's a road trip, we're off to a lot of places." Shawn muttered.

"Did anybody ask for your opinion?" Hunter demanded.

"Just trying to put a little sense in that cranium of yours." he replied.

"What, you think I'm dumb?" he demanded.

"You said it, not me." Shawn replied.

"Well, you listen to me!-" began Hunter.

"WHAT?" demanded Shawn.

As everyone had to hold them back again, Jericho called, "MAINTAIN!"

Silence.

"Ok. How about instead of fighting we start packing because we're gonna be out for a couple of days. I got an idea. Whoever gets back here first with all their things, will get a reward." he said.

"Just what kind of reward?" asked Mickie.

"Something." he slurred quietly. "Now GO!"

Everyone rushed off to pack while Jericho chuckled quietly. "Oh, I'm good."

A few minutes later, Jeff, Kelly, Cena, and Candice all made it back first, but who'd get the reward?

"Oh, you made it." Jericho said, looking up from a newspaper.

"Actually, Candice and I were kinda here first." said John. "Sorry, you guys."

"Well, I think that Kelly and I got here a little before you guys." replied Jeff. "Sorry."

"No, you don't understand. We were here before YOU guys." replied John.

"Maybe you don't understand. We were here first." replied Jeff.

"Ok, I really don't want to argue here." said Cena.

"Dude." Jeff argued.

"We were here first-like hell you were!" they argued.

Candice sighed. "Come on, Kel, let's just get on the bus before they get into 'rock, paper, scissors'." she said.

"Good idea." Kelly replied. "Meet you guys inside...like you could really hear me." she said dully.

As the two continued arguing, Jericho said nothing and threw a package their way.

Cena picked it up. "Socks?" he said dully.

"Uh huh. Enjoy." he replied.

"Eh, you can have 'em." John replied.

"I don't want em." argued Jeff.

"Take them!" argued John.

"Dude, I'm not gonna argue about this..." Jeff argued as they got on the bus.

* * *

><p>Soon after that, everyone headed on the bus and they were on their way!<p>

"Ok, anyone have to use the bathroom before we go?" asked Jericho.

"No-nope-guess not." they replied.

"All right, then you guys ready?" asked Jericho.

"YEAH!" almost everyone cheered.

"Let the good times roll!" he announced as they drove off.

"WAIT!" called Edge.

The bus pulled back.

He ran out the bus, headed inside his trailer, and came back with a huge duck floaty thing.

"Dude, we can't fit that thing in here!" exclaimed Jericho.

A few minutes later, the bus was on the road, with Ducky tied to the roof.

Jericho turned on the radio.

"_When you see my face, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell..."_

"I'm SO tired of this song!" exclaimed Melina, getting up and turning the starion.

"_Go, go, go, go, go, go, go shawty, it's your birthday, we gonna party like it's your birthday, we gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday..."_

"That's what I'm talkin about!" Cena exclaimed, high fiving Melina while they danced along.

"I don't like rap." Randy replied, turning the station.

"What the hell?" demanded Melina and Cena.

"_Everybody's going to the party, have a real good time, dancing in the desert, blowing up the sunshine...BLAST OFF! IT'S PARTY TIME, AND WE DON'T LIVE IN A FACIST NATION! BLAST OFF! IT'S PARTY TIME, AND WHERE THE **** ARE YOU?" _

As the music nearly blew out everyone's eardrums, and Randy, Edge, and Michelle rocked out, Shawn crawled to the front of the bus and changed the station.

"Can we watch the language, please?" he demanded.

_"My mind is set on overdrive, the clock is laughing in my face, a crooked spine, my senses dulled, passed the point of delirium, on my own, here we go..."_

"Thank you!" exclaimed Jeff.

"No problem!" replied Shawn.

"Huh." scoffed Hunter.

"What's this?" demanded Randy.

"I happen to like this song!" argued Jeff.

"I don't care what you like! Turn back to my song!" Orton exclaimed.

"YEAH!" agreed Michelle and Edge.

"NO!" argued the other side of the bus.

"Turn it back to 50 cent!" exclaimed Cena.

"*&^%!$%^&!" everyone screamed at once.

Then, Jericho turned the station.

"_Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, make you wanna holla hidy ho, burns your tummy don't you know, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug..."_

Silence.

Jericho smiled as everyone sat quietly.

Out on the road...

"Dude, I gotta take a serious piss." announced Hunter.

"Charming." Jericho smirked as he took a detour to the nearest restroom.

A few minutes later, Hunter, and a few other people finished and headed back to the bus.

"Ok, for the last time, does anyone else have to use the bathroom?" asked Jericho.

"No-nope-don't think so." they said.

As the bus drove off, Edge called, "WAIT!"

The bus reversed back to the restrooms and Edge sped inside.

"Hey guys, I say we leave him here." announced Jeff.

"YEAH!" everyone agreed as the bus pulled off.

"Hmmhmm." hummed Edge as he came back outside, only to catch the bus leaving him. "Hey. HEY!" he shouted, chasing after the bus. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

After Edge somehow got back on the bus, he wasn't finished complaining...

"Hey, when can my Duck ride in the bus with us?" he asked.

"Never." answered John. "Now shut up, I don't know how you even made it back on the bus."

"YOU shut up and let's make YOU ride on the roof instead!" exclaimed Edge.

"Haha." chuckled Randy. "Good idea. Then if we drive this thing fast enough, he'll fly off onto the interstate!"

"Aw, who the hell asked you?" snarled Cena.

"Yeah, leave him alone, you guys!" agreed Candice.

"Nobody asked for you to speak, Princess!" argued Michelle. "And what did I tell you about being near John?"

"For your information, Michelle, I want Candice to sit with me." John interrupted. "At least she's not being evil like you are."

Everyone gasped while Candice smiled and Michelle looked more shocked than anyone else.

"Won't this be a nice ride-HOLY CRAP!" exclaimed Jericho.

"What?" asked Mickie. "Oh my..." she said, looking at the HUGE traffic line in front of them.

And if that wasn't bad enough, a horrible smell suddenly came out of nowhere.

"Good God!" exclaimed Shawn, holding his nose. "Hunter, what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything! It's coming from back there!" he replied.

"For the love of all Jerichoholics, what the bloody hell is that?" demanded Jericho.

Then, Edge looked inside his bag and found a dead possum inside. "Aw, Jeez." he said.

"What the hell, Edge?" demanded Randy.

"It's not mine anymore!" he exclaimed, tossing the bag towards Jeff and Kelly.

"DUDE!" he cried, looking in the bag. Then, the sight of the dead possum and how bad it reeked caused him to fall out in unconsciousness.

"Jeff, you ok?" Kelly cried frantically, trying to wake him up. She took a look at the bag, too, and freaked out. "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, tossing the bag somewhere else. "GET IT AWAY FROM US!"

Then, the bag fell in Melina and Hunter's seat.

"AAAAAAAAAHHH!" she shrieked.

"I got this." Hunter said, putting the bag on Shawn's head.

Mickie caught what was going on first. "Shawn!" she cried.

"Jeez, that smell's getting worse by the minute, huh Mickie?" he asked.

"Look on your head!" she cried.

He meekly took the bag off his head and cried, "AAH!"

Hunter was snickering.

"HUNTER, I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THIS!" he shouted, tossing the bag in Jericho's lap.

"AAAAAHH!" he shouted, trying to get rid of the bag while the bus swerved all over the road.

A few minutes later, they took another detour while everyone piled out of the bus and Jericho took care of the possum.

"Jeff, how are you feeling?" Kelly asked, holding an ice pack on his head.

"I'll be ok, Kel. But I think I gotta go kill Edge first." he replied.

"I'll get rid of this once and for all." announced Jericho, about to toss the possum out on the highway.

"Wait!" exclaimed Mickie. "Maybe we should bury it. It deserves a nice funeral, don't you think?"

"Mickie, we don't have time for that." he replied.

"Sure we do. It'll be quick. Shawn, will you do the honors?" she asked.

"All righty. Uh, the poor thing probably had a short life, and, uh, it didn't deserve to die the way it did. We'll miss ya." he finished.

"Ok, hooray, hooray, we're done, now let's get going, people!" demanded Jericho.

While everyone was getting back on the bus, Jeff caught up with Edge. "Hey, Edge?" he called.

"What?"

"I got a message for you." he replied.

"And what would that be?" asked Edge.

Then, Jeff delivered a Twist Of Fate right on the spot!

"Ok, I feel better now." he replied with a smile. "Later, dude."

"This isn't over, Hardy!" he cried in pain.

* * *

><p>Back on the bus...<p>

"I'm hungry." announced Hunter.

"Surprise, surprise." Shawn said dully.

"I want some grub, too." agreed Randy. "Let's go to Checkers."

"I say Wendy's." replied Candice.

"KFC!" exclaimed Hunter.

"How about Arby's!" asked Kelly.

"Or Burger King!" called Edge.

"McDonalds?" asked John.

"White Castle!" exclaimed Melina.

"%!#$!%^$!^!" everyone shouted answers at the same time.

"Choose any damn place, Jericho!" exclaimed Jeff. "I am getting a headache!"

"Gladly." he replied, pulling up to a diner.

Inside...

"Anywhere but this place." Jeff replied.

"Yeah, seriously. Where are we?" asked Kelly.

"A place that serves food. All of you will eat it and like it!" exclaimed Jericho, as they all took their seats.

"What can I get y'all?" asked the waitress.

"Uh, you got any hot dogs?" asked Shawn.

"Nope, sorry, we're all out. They just ordered the last ones." she said, pointing to a table with these Hell's Angels bikers.

"No fair!" exclaimed John. "Hey, you know, you didn't have to hog all the food, you guys!" he told the bikers. "What the hell's your problem?"

They turned around and glared at them. "You wanna start something with us?" one of them asked threateningly.

"I'm not afraid of you!" Cena replied. "I can kick all your asses in a minute!"

Then...

*PUNCH!*

"John, you ok?" asked Candice.

He shook himself off while he had a black eye in the process. "Y-Yeah. That-that didn't hurt." he replied, trying to keep himself conscious.

"Ok, what do you have?" Mickie asked the waitress.

"We got Chef's Treasures." she replied.

"That sounds great!" exclaimed Jericho.

"No, it doesn't." interrupted Jeff.

"We'll take 12, please." said Jericho.

A few minutes later...

"Surprise!" exclaimed the waitress.

She brought these piles of brown mush with these icky green things in it.

Everyone just stared at it.

"What the hell is this crap?" asked Randy.

"Why couldn't we just go to White Castle?" asked Melina.

Back in the car, everyone eventually got their own snacks, and Jericho looked pissed...

Another truck that drove past them had some horses aboard, but also Edge's duck floaty.

"Hey, Edge, that looks like your-oh, crap." announced Michelle.

Then, Randy looked outside and saw that the duck wasn't tied to the roof anymore.

"...Edge?" he asked.

"JERICHO, GET MY DUCK BACK RIGHT NOW!" Edge screamed.

"Dude, just get another duck." he said dully.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed loudly.

"JUST GET HIM HIS DAMN DUCK, PLEASE!" Cena shouted over him.

"All RIGHT!" Jericho finally agreed, following the truck full speed.

They all finally caught up at a gas station...

"Well, you're lucky you caught this before I got to the farm." the guy told Jericho, helping him tie the duck back on the roof.

"Yeah, well, I'm nowhere near lucky while I'm here with a busload of screaming kindergarteners. Thanks, man." he told the guy. Then, he glared at Edge from outside while Edge sat back and smiled.

Later...

"Are we there YET?" demanded Hunter.

"NO!" replied Jericho. "Anyways, just wait until we get to the hotel, gang! It's 4 starred, classy, and you can see the whole ocean from there! And later on, we get to have the best dinner of your lives, isn't that great?"

"Well, coming from you, I have a feeling that everything's going to turn out the exact opposite of what you just said." replied Cena.

"Yeah-yep-uh huh." everyone agreed.

"Think what you want, but-oh, WE'RE HERE!" he announced.

Soon, everyone met up at the front door with their hotel dealer...

"Ooh, sorry, guys, your suite just got booked." he said.

"What?-No-Oh no-" everyone said, disappointed.

"This is a mistake!" exclaimed Jericho. "You know how much I had to fork over for these hypocrites?"

Everyone glared at him.

"Well, we thought you guys weren't gonna show, so we booked your suite to someone else. But don't worry, the Sunrise Arms Motel always has a room for you." he explained.

"A motel?" demanded Candice.

"Eh, I'll sleep on the bus. Let's go, Kelly." replied Jeff, taking her hand.

"Yeah, I hate motels." she agreed.

"Hold up! We'll take the motel. We ALL will." Jericho stopped them.

"Great!" exclaimed the hotel guy. "They'll be glad to have you. Come on, the motel's right across the street. I'll guide you there."

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, he opened the door and led them into this dark, small, dirty, dingy, creepy room.<p>

They all just stared in shock.

"Enjoy!" the guy said, quickly slamming the door behind him.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" demanded Randy.

"Ewww!" exclaimed Melina. "You expect us to stay in here?"

Then, they all turned around and caught a separate room that looked decent and beautiful.

"Me first, me first, me first!" Jericho exclaimed, beating everyone to the room.

He slammed the door in everyone's faces while they all peeked in.

"Don't you just want to smack him?" asked Michelle.

"Well, at least it's one less person." replied Mickie.

Then, they all crowded around this bed that had this guy's imprint in the middle that caved to the bottom.

"Creepy..." began Kelly.

"Well, it looks comfy enough. Let's give this baby a try." Shawn said, lying down...only he fell straight to the bottom.

"Shawn!-you ok?" his friends asked.

"OW! SOMEBODY GET ME OUTTA THIS THING!" he cried as everyone pulled him out.

When he got out, he held his back in pain. "Ok, I'm not sleepin' in that deathtrap!" he announced.

"Back problems, now? We're getting a little worn out, now aren't we?" Hunter asked with a smirk.

"Nobody asked you! Besides, I have a history of back problems! Hey, why don't you try this thing out?" he asked.

"You wish." he replied.

Meanwhile, Jeff was relaxing on another bad while Edge's duck floaty fell on top of him.

"What the-what the hell, man?" he demanded.

"Move it, dude, Ducky has no place to sleep." announced Edge.

Then, Jeff forcefully threw Ducky back at Edge, knocking him out!

"OW!" he exclaimed.

"Hey, there's a pool out here-sort of. Let's go swimming!" exclaimed Mickie.

Outside, John and Candice lounged around in this small-ish pool, but would Michelle catch them?

"Well, this isn't so bad." said Cena. "At least we got the pool to ourselves."

"Totally." she agreed. "And John?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for standing up for me back there. You know, when you called Michelle evil." she replied.

"It's no biggie. You know, I'm just really getting sick of Michelle's attitude lately. I know everyone's been telling me to break up with her and that I deserve better, well, I'm gonna start listening to them." he replied.

Candice brightened up. "Really?"

He smiled back at her. "Really." he smiled.

As they looked into each other's eyes, Edge's ducky suddenly fell on top of them and sent them into a corner.

"Hey!" exclaimed Candice.

Michelle said nothing and glared at them.

"Michelle, what the hell's with you?" demanded John.

"So now I'm evil, huh?" she demanded.

"Come on! Right now, that's the nicest thing I could call you! After the way you treated both me and Candice, I'm just about finished." he replied.

She just glared at them. "We'll see about that." she said, walking away.

"Nice job, John. You really told her off." said Candice.

"Thanks." he replied, still glaring at Michelle.

Later, it was dinner time...

Everyone was around this table at a fancy restaurant, but things wouldn't go as planned.

"Oh, boy, the food's here!" exclaimed Jericho. "Ok, guys, close your eyes!"

Everyone reluctantly covered their eyes.

"This should be fun." Orton said dully.

After the waiter put the food down, Jericho announced, "Ok, you can open them now!"

They did, to see a pig's head with an apple in its mouth!

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed the girls.

"OH SH*T!" cried Edge.

"Watch the language!" scolded Shawn.

"I'm not eating that thing!" exclaimed Hunter. "Couldn't they make bacon instead? Or pork chops or something?"

Then, one of the pig's eyes fell out onto Kelly's lap.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" she shrieked, running into Jeff's arms.

"Jericho, I hope you're proud of yourself." he told him, holding Kelly.

"No way!" laughed Edge. "Look, the pig's tongue comes out!"

After that, mostly everyone left the table to either barf or just leave.

"I want a hot dog." Shawn said as they left.

Jericho looked pissed as the lightning outside overshadowed his anger.

* * *

><p>That night, it was still a mess outside as everyone tried to have a good night's sleep...<p>

Since there weren't that many beds in the room, everyone had to share...

"Are you gonna be all right, Kel?" asked Jeff.

"I was a little freaked out before, but I'll be ok." she replied.

"Ok. Some road trip this is, huh?" he asked.

"Seriously. And I don't think things are gonna get any better. The only good thing is that you're here with me." Kelly smiled at him.

He smiled back at her. "I wouldn't have even went on this trip without you." he replied.

"Can you do me one favor right now?" she asked.

"Anything."

"Could you just hold me tight and never let me go?" she asked.

"Sure thing." he replied, wrapping his arms around her. "I love you, Kelly." he said, kissing her.

She smiled back. "I love you too, Jeff." she replied, kissing him.

Meanwhile, John and Michelle had no choice but to share a bed, but John didn't like it.

"Don't wake me up in the middle of the night, either." demanded Michelle. "I need my beauty sleep."

"Yeah, whatever." John muttered.

Shawn and Hunter stood over the bed with the guy's imprint on it.

"I'm not sleeping on that thing." said Shawn.

"Well, I'm not, either." replied Hunter. "As a matter of fact, I got dibs on that bed over there!" he said, rushing towards it.

"Like hell you do! I saw it first!" Shawn argued.

Right when Hunter hopped in the bed, Shawn turned the bed over while Hunter fell out. "You wanna play it that way, man?" Hunter demanded.

Then, HHH tackled Shawn and the two started fighting again.

"Guys!" exclaimed Mickie. "Can't we compromise?"

"He started it!" the guys said, pointing to each other.

"Hold on, guys. I got the perfect solution." Melina said with a smile.

That night, everyone was asleep and Hunter and Shawn were forced to share a bed, but Melina installed a curtain to separate the two.

Shawn snatched up most of the blanket, but Hunter snatched it back and then after a while, Hunter 'accidentally' kicked Shawn out of the bed.

"That's it." Shawn said, heading to the crappy bed. "God help me." he said, climbing inside.

"Hahaha." Hunter chuckled.

Meanwhile, Michelle was tossing and turning, and John couldn't take anymore, either.

He crept to Candice's bed and said, "Candice?" he whispered.

"Hmm?" she asked, waking up.

"Sorry to wake you, but do you mind if I stay here for the night?" he asked.

"No, go right ahead." she replied.

"Thanks." he replied.

"Good night, John." she told him.

"Good night, Candy." he replied.

Michelle didn't notice that John crept to be with Candice, and while half asleep, she crept into Randy's bed. "Move over." she muttered.

"Huh." he muttered, still asleep.

The next morning, the weather was still all rainy and crappy, and everyone needed something to do...

Everyone was sitting around, dodging the leaky roof and doing nothing while Edge was swatting a fly with a newspaper.

"I'm SOOO bored! Can we go back and see that pig head again?" he asked, swatting everywhere he could, then he accidentally whacked Jeff with the paper.

"You son of a bitch!" Jeff exclaimed, chasing him around.

Edge fought back with the paper, frantically bonking him on the head.

"Haha, get him, Edge!" laughed Randy.

Then, Jeff tackled him to the ground and snatched his paper, but he caught something interesting for everyone to do.

"Hey, hold up." he said, looking over the paper.

"Let me see." said John, looking over it. "I guess we have something to do today." he announced.

"Eh, doesn't seem that great to me." replied Jeff.

"What are you guys talking about?" asked Melina.

Later, even though it was still raining, everyone headed to the local horse show...

"Well, this is...different." Candice said, sharing an umbrella with John.

"Yeah, but it's something to do at least." he replied.

"Bitch, get away from him!" Michelle called from behind.

"Aw, butt out, will ya?" John called back.

She looked insulted. "Well!"

Meanwhile, Jericho took a picture of Mickie, Jeff, and Kelly posing by a horse.

"You are the cutest horsie I've ever seen!" Mickie exclaimed. "Yes you are!"

"Mickie, you gonna be in the picture or what?" asked Jericho.

"Oh, sorry! Go ahead." she said, posing with her friends.

"Ok, say 'get paid!' "announced Jericho.

But right when he took the picture, Edge stuck his head in the shot.

"Hey, can I be in the pic-" *click!*

"Edge!" exclaimed Kelly.

"I'm starting to get sick of this guy." said Jeff.

Later that day, the gang headed to a chocolate factory...

"...And that's the story behind Crystal's Classy Chocolates." said a lady who worked there. "Please take a free sample of Crystal's Classy Chocolates, and remember, only one sample per customer."

"FREE FOOD!" everyone screamed, snatching up the whole plate of chocolates.

Then, as they were about to leave, a security guard blocked their path.

Everyone sighed as they had to bring their chocolates back.

"Well, easy come, easy go." said Shawn.

But little did anyone know, Hunter snuck some chocolates in his shirt. "Hahaha." he chuckled. "They'll never know."

Later, they took a nice cruise down a river...

"I think this trip's finally getting decent." announced Randy.

"Yeah, what could go wrong?" asked Michelle.

Then, out of nowhere, a realistic looking anaconda came from the top of the boat and appeared about 5 inches from their faces.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" screamed Rated RKO.

"Ducky, ATTACK!" exclaimed Edge.

Then, from the top of the boat, Jeff and Kelly laughed as RKO fell for their prank.

"Was that awesome or what?" laughed Kelly.

"Yeah, I think we scared the piss outta them!" laughed Jeff, high fiving her.

Later, everyone was back inside their motel, and the crappy weather stopped...

Melina opened a window and gasped. "Guys! It's beautiful outside, we can finally go to the beach!" she exclaimed.

A few minutes later, they all happily ran outside.

"WHOOOOO!" they cheered.

Until...

*BOOM!*

It started pouring again.

"Well, this blows." John said, sulking back inside along with everyone else.

As they went back inside, Jericho had another announcement.

"Hey, guys, guess what?" he asked.

Michelle shook her wet hair towards him.

"HEY! Anyways, I just got a call from Chef Big Show, and he's coming back to us, isn't that great?" he asked.

They all just stared at him.

"So that means we gotta pack up and get outta here. Let's go, I'll meet you guys on the bus!" he exclaimed, leaving.

"Aw, I don't know what's worse, ending our little vacation or having Big Show return." said Hunter.

Silence.

"Big Show." they all answered.

Later that night, everyone was back on the bus, heading back to the set...

"Well, gang, that was one hell of a trip, huh?" asked Jericho.

Mostly everyone was asleep, but some were still awake.

"One thing, Jericho. I get to choose the next trip." said Randy.

"No, I do!" exclaimed John.

"You wanna argue with me, Cena?" he demanded.

"You started it, Orton!" he replied.

"ANYWAY, you guys better get a good sleep, because first thing tomorrow, we're starting challenges again. *yawn* Isn't...that...great?" he asked, nodding off.

As he nodded off, the bus swerved all over the road.

"JERICHO!" they all shouted.

"OH! My bad, you parasites." he muttered. "Let's go home."


	14. Episode 10

Total WWE Action!: I Fought The Law

Episode 10

"What's up, my people? This is Y2J, Chris Jericho here with another insane week of TWA coming right up! Last week, since Big Show was out cooking all around the country, I decided to take our 10 castmates, including Edge out on a road trip! Unfortunately, it sucked. Long story short, we had to go through mutliple bathroom breaks, fights broke out on the bus, we had a possum funeral, we tried to have a good lunch, we had to chase a farmer all down the interstate for Edge's precious Ducky, our original hotel was booked, so we had to stay in the crappiest motel around, dinner was a disaster, we went to some more places, and that was it. But THEN I received a call from Chef Big Show, saying that he's returning back to the set! So now that he's back, we're back, too! This week, will John get Michelle out of his life for good? And who'll be the next one to get the boot? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!

* * *

><p>It was early in the day, while everyone was just waking up, but there would be a little problem first...<p>

"Morning, girls." greeted Melina.

"Morning." everyone except for Michelle replied.

She headed for the door, only to find it locked. "Hey, what the-" she began.

"What's going on, Mel?" asked Mickie.

"The door's locked!" she exclaimed.

"Hell no!" exclaimed Michelle, storming up to the door.

"Like your tiny little self can break that thing down." muttered Melina.

Michelle tried to break the door down, but no luck. "This is screwed! I can't stay in here all day with you she-devils!" she exclaimed.

"She-devils?" demanded Candice.

"And YOU! You're the biggest one out of all of them!" she exclaimed.

"Ok, is this about John for the millionth time?" she asked.

"You're damn right it is! I know what you did to him." she said.

"What the hell are you talking about?" she asked.

"You tricked him into thinking that I was the enemy here. You know you want John to yourself, even though he's mine. There's no other way he'd insult me like he did last time." Michelle explained.

"That's the biggest pile of crap I've ever heard! John's the one who wants to get away from YOU! You're the one calling him a chore bitch, and you're the one always bossing him around. He's a great guy and I can't believe you just take advantage of him like that! I was glad when he finally took a stand and called you evil, because that's exactly what you are." Candice replied.

"Wow, you go, Candy!" exclaimed Kelly.

"Well, go ahead, cheer for your little friend. But I want each and every one of you to know something." said Michelle. "If any of you come in between me and my business, you're gonna get hurt. Badly hurt."

"Yeah, I'm scared. Now, anyways, let's find a way out of here so we can get away from beanpole here." said Melina.

"Hey, maybe we could use that sunroof up there." said Mickie. "I mean, it's small, but it'll probably work."

"Good idea! Ok, we could probably lift each other up until one of us reaches the top and climbs out. What do you girls say?"

"Yeah-good idea!" they agreed.

"Hey Chelle, give us a hand here, will ya?" asked Melina.

"I'm not doing a damn thing for any of you." she replied, looking through a magazine.

"Forget it." said Candice. "The four of us'll be able to get outta here."

Kelly was closest to the sunroof, so she was first.

"You got it, Kel?" asked Mickie.

"Yeah!" she replied, climbing through to the roof. "Who's next?"

Then, she helped Mickie climb through, followed by Melina and then Candice.

"YAY!-AAH!" they screamed after Michelle came out of nowhere and tackled them all off the roof.

"Damn it." Melina muttered as she got up.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Candice: "Michelle thinks that she's so tough, but she's really afraid that she's gonna lose John for good. Once he dumps her and moves on with his life, maybe then she'll shut up."

Michelle: "That prissy little bitch Candice thinks she's all that. John will never love her, she needs to get that into her head! If she wants a war, then as God as my witness, she's gonna get one."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>In the guys trailer...<p>

"I gotta pee!" exclaimed Shawn, frantically trying to open the door. "Aw, COME ON!"

"Dude, what's the matter?" asked Jeff.

"I gotta pee, and this door's locked!" he exclaimed.

"What?" demanded the guys.

"Let me see." said Hunter. "Once again, you don't have the muscle or the brains to get out of a tough situation."

"Well, let's see you try and break out, genius!" Shawn snapped.

"I will." he said, using his shoulder to ram through the door.

Only, nothing worked.

"You're gonna hurt yourself doing that, man." said John.

"No, I'll be all right. I just need a little momentum." he said, stepping back. "Here we go." Then, he ran as fast as he could towards the door, but no luck.

"OW!" he cried.

"What's wrong, man? I thought you were strong enough to ram the door down!" Shawn replied.

"Shouldn't you be worrying about wetting yourself?" HHH asked him.

"That's Orton's problem, not mine." he replied.

"Don't bring me into this." Orton replied.

"Hey, don't you have some kind of disorder, too? What's it called, IED or whatever?" asked Jeff.

"Leave me out of it." he replied, glaring at him.

"Yeah, Orton has a history of problems. IED, his bladder problem, the way he tends to go insane, his inability to speak in a normal tone..." began Cena.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Orton screamed.

"See what I mean?" he asked.

"Ok, are we all just gonna sit here and play 'Insult Orton Until He's Ready To Kill Someone', or are we gonna find a way outta here?" he asked.

"Hey, I just got an idea." said Jeff.

"What?" asked the guys.

"Since Orton's such a hardhead, let's use that to break us outta here. Whaddya say?" he asked.

"Now THAT's an idea!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Didn't I tell you all to leave me out of it-HEY! Put me down or else!" he shouted as the guys held him up. "PUT ME DOWN NOW!"

"CHARGE!" Cena called as they all sped towards the door with Randy's head leading the way.

But right when they were about to hit the door, Jericho opened it.

"Wha-oh." he said as the guys were headed for him.

*BOOM!*

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Randy: "This is exactly why I'm screwed in this competition. Michelle's in another trailer, Edge is who-knows-where, and I'm stuck with all the guys that I can't stand? WHAT THE HELL?"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>The guys drove Orton's head into Jericho, knocking them both down.<p>

"That turned out well." said Shawn. "Gotta pee. See ya later." he sped to the nearest bathroom.

"...Ow." Jericho said, getting up. "What was that for?"

"It was their fault! They assaulted me!" Orton exclaimed.

"We were just trying to find a way out." Jeff said innocently.

"All righty then. Now that you guys are out, can you guys guess what today's theme is?" asked Jericho, who was wearing a police uniform.

"We're gonna play Cops?" asked Mickie.

"America's Most Wanted?" asked Hunter.

"For God's sakes, NO! We're doing a prison theme today! Haven't you noticed when I purposely locked you guys in your trailers?"

"We really don't give a damn about what you do anymore." Cena said dully.

He just glared at him. "Ha ha. So, before I start the festivities, let me give you guys a brief overview of prison life."

"Hey, guys! Did I miss anything?" asked Shawn.

"Jericho's about to give us a lecture on prison life." replied Kelly.

"Aw, crap." he said dully.

"Ok, you guys. Who better to tell us about prison life than someone who's actually cooked in a prison. Come on down, Big Show!" he announced.

"Hoo-rah." Orton said dully.

"Listen up. A life in prison is a life in hell. Nobody there's gonna be your friend and listen to your little problems. Most likely, they'll try to kill you. But aside from that, you get absolutely no privacy, only one phone call, there's short visiting hours, the food is supposed to be crap, but not when I prepare it. Anyway, there's also those long hours in court..."

*hours later*

"...then there's the matter of parole, the amount of bail money-am I boring you?" he asked everyone, who was either sleeping or doing something else.

"Yeah. Yeah, you are." replied Hunter.

"I guess that's about it. Take it away, Jericho." he said, leaving.

"Thank you. Now, as for today's challenge, we've set up a specially designed jail setting for you guys, so get ready and we'll rock and roll."

Later, everyone headed to this place that looked just like a jail, and there were two prison cells nearby...

"Ok, gang. Your first challenge is the Crappy Prison Food challenge. Both teams have to create the grossest food you can think of. Then, each team will choose one person from the opposite team to eat it. The first person who blows chunks will lose for their team. Simple, right? Now *loudly blows whistle* GO!" Jericho cried.

In the kitchen, Team Smackdown needed a surefire way to win...

"Ok, you guys. We lost the last challenge, but we can definitely make a comeback. What did you guys come up with?" asked John.

"Well, I managed to get some toenail clippings from Big Show." announced Hunter.

"Awesome! I got some gray mush from the garbage, it might've been oatmeal or something, but it'll do." said Mickie.

"Sounds one heck of a lot better than toenail clippings." Shawn replied.

Hunter glared at him. "Well, let's see what you came up with." he said.

"I found the grandaddy of them all-sauerkraut." he announced.

"WHOA!" everyone cried.

"Eh, whatever." Hunter replied.

"I found some horseradish." announced Candice. "This is the crappiest stuff I could think of."

"Nice work you guys, especially you, Candy." said John. "And I found some manure, I know it's not much, but we've got enough crap to make someone barf. Let's get to work, people."

On Team Raw's side...

"Ok, team, if we want to keep up our winning streak, we gotta win." said Randy. "I got some rotten eggs. How about you guys?"

"I got some limberger cheese." announced Melina.

"WHOA!" everyone exclaimed, holding their noses.

"Nice. Next!" called Randy.

"Uh, maybe mine might be a little extreme." said Kelly.

"The grosser it is, the better." said Randy.

"It can't be that bad, Kel." said Jeff.

"Ok." she said, holding up a bag with this liquid-y stuff inside.

"Whoa, you weren't kidding when you said extreme." said Randy. "What the hell is that?"

"I think it's supposed to be 100 year old eggnog." she explained, holding the bag as far away as possible.

"Damn!" exclaimed Melina.

"I'd never expect something like that to come from you, Kelly." Jeff said, shocked.

"Me neither. Now can I please toss these? I'm about to barf myself." she replied.

"Go ahead. How about you, Hardy?" asked Orton.

"I uh, just found this." he said, tossing a substance on the table.

"AAH!" screamed the girls.

"What the hell is THAT?" demanded Orton.

"Mud cake." he replied with a shrug.

"We're only supposed to make the other person barf, not kill them!" exclaimed Randy. "Ok, Michelle, what do you have?"

"These." she said, dropping a mystery substance in the blender.

"What's that?" asked Kelly.

"It's a surprise." she replied. "Trust me, it's gnarly enough to make someone puke."

"All righty then, let's go." announced Orton.

Back outside, both teams brought out their foods and presented them to Jericho, but who would be chosen to eat them?

"Ok, you guys ready?" asked Jericho. "Team Raw, which unlucky victim will you choose to eat your concoction?"

"I want to choose." said Michelle.

"Of course." Melina said dully.

"We choose...Candice." Michelle said with an evil smile.

"What?" she asked, shocked.

"Sorry, Candy, but you've been chosen." said Jericho. "And your decision, Team Smackdown?"

John was furious. "I'll choose, you guys. And I choose Michelle." he replied.

Jeff, Kelly, and Melina smiled at this, but Randy and Michelle looked shocked, especially Michelle. "WHAT?"

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Michelle: "Some boyfriend he is!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Michelle, you're up." announced Jericho. "Now, if you ladies will step inside this cell, we'll begin."<p>

Randy ran up to Michelle's cell. "Michelle, it doesn't matter what's inside their food. What matters is that you don't throw up no matter what. I know you can do it."

"I won't let you down, Rand." she replied.

"Good girl. I'm counting on you." he said, going back to the team.

Meanwhile, John had a pep talk with Candice, too.

"I know this is a tough spot to be in, but you gotta make sure you don't barf, all right?" he asked.

"I'll try not to. I still can't believe she sent me up here." she replied.

"Well, she's in the same position as you, so don't worry. We're counting on you, Candy." he said, going back to his team.

Then, Jericho gave each girl her plate. "Eat up. Remember, whoever barfs first, loses. Ready, GO!" he called.

Candice took one bite, and almost threw up immediately but managed to keep on going.

Michelle had a hard time, too, but she wolfed down as much as she could.

A few minutes later...

"DONE!" they both called.

"Aw, no one's gonna barf?" asked Jericho.

Then, McCool couldn't take much more, so she did the honors first.

Team Raw groaned.

"YES!" cheered Team Smackdown.

"All right! Anyway, Team Smackdown wins the first round!" announced Jericho.

"Michelle." began Randy.

"I'm sorry, it just happened!" she exclaimed. "Candice was supposed to barf first!"

"Well, I didn't, now did I?" she asked.

"Yeah? Well, you know what I put in that stuff?" she asked.

"...What?" Candice asked nervously.

"Coffee grounds." she announced.

Her team, along with everyone else looked shocked.

"Why?-That's what you put in our stuff?" they asked.

Candice just stared at her in shock.

"That's right." Michelle said with a twisted smile. "Really, it's not even that bad, but if you can't take it, well…"

"I-I gotta go!" she exclaimed, running off.

John was pissed off.

As Michelle turned around to go back with her team, he called, "Yo, Michelle!"

She whipped around. "What?"

"You eat it!" he called.

"What the hell are you talking about?" she demanded.

"Whatever the hell you just put in Candice's stuff, I want you to eat it." he said seriously.

"I don't have to listen to anything you say!" she exclaimed.

"Oh yeah, well, listen to this. We're through!" he exclaimed.

Everyone was still dead silent as she just glared at him.

Before anything else could happen, Jericho said, "All right, all right. Let's just get ready for our second challenge, people. Let's go." he said, leading everyone away while John and Michelle still glared at each other.

Later...

"Ok, gang, your next challenge is gonna test you on how you guys can break out of a prison, and the strategies that you use. As you can see, there's an obstacle course here, and one person from each team has to lead your team through the course until you reach a point where you'll have to dig yourselves through. Then, all you have to do is dig until you reach the finish line. The team that gets there last loses for today and has to nominate someone for elimination. And to get each team through, one person from each team will have to push your teammates in these shopping carts here. Those are the rules, now-" began Jericho.

"Wait, if we're supposed to dig, what do we dig with?" asked Mickie.

"Oh yeah. Team Smackdown, you guys get this shovel, and Team Raw, you guys get these plastic spoons. Now everyone's happy, right?" he asked.

"Uh, NO!" exclaimed Randy. "How do you expect us to compete with them using these flimsy things?"

"Just do it. Anyways, get yourselves ready and we'll begin." he replied.

"Ok, you guys, whoever pushes us in this thing has to be the fastest runner here." said Melina.

"That's me." Jeff and Michelle said at the same time.

"Come on, I was the one that sped through that obstacle course last year and won!" argued Jeff.

"You wouldnt've won without everyone's help! The only reason you won last year was because they planned to help you win! If they didn't help, I would've won!" Michelle argued back.

"Listen, we have no time to argue here, we've got to get a move on unless we want to lose." Jeff replied.

"Let's vote on it. All in favor of Jeff running?" asked Melina.

"AYE!" exclaimed both her and Kelly.

"And all in favor of Michelle?" she asked.

"AYE!" called Randy.

"Ha, two against one, I win." Jeff replied.

Michelle just glared at him.

On Smackdown's side...

"Ok, who's gonna run?" asked John.

"I WILL!" exclaimed Shawn and Hunter.

"I WILL!" argued Hunter.

"I WILL!" argued Shawn.

"Just play rock paper scissors for it." Mickie said dully.

They both shook their fists and Hunter got scissors while Shawn got rock.

"YEAH! Who 'rocks' now?" Shawn asked.

"You just got lucky." Hunter said darkly. "There will be a next time, dude. There will be a next time."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm shaking." he replied.

Soon after that, everyone was settled inside the carts, while Shawn and Jeff got ready.

Shawn looked towards Jeff while he looked towards Shawn.

"Ready, set, *WHISTLE!*

They both sped off as fast as they could. First, both of them reached this hill and used all their strength to push their teams up there, while their teams cheered for them. Then, they reached this teeter-totter thing where they both sped up and then slid down the other end at full speed.

"Feeling tired yet?" Shawn asked.

"I haven't even broken a sweat." Jeff replied.

Next, they reached this thing where they had to speed their teams across this revolving log thing.

Both of them nearly slipped but kept going on.

Finally, they reached this merry-go-round thing, where they both spun around and around until the merry-go-round stopped. They were both so dizzy that they almost knocked their teams out of their carts! Then, Shawn reached the tunnel, followed by Jeff.

"Great job, Shawn. Now let's get moving, you guys!" John led the way with the shovel.

"Nice work, Jeff." said Kelly.

"Yeah, now all we gotta do is work twice as hard to catch up with the other team." agreed Melina.

As time passed by, everyone worked as hard as they could to gain the lead, but Team Smackdown was clearly ahead...

"So, Hunter, you gotta admit, I did one heck of a job getting everyone here, huh?" asked Shawn.

"Eh, if I pushed you guys here, we'd be nearly finished by now." he replied.

"Jealous much?" he asked.

"Why would I ever be jealous of you?" asked Hunter.

Shawn just rolled his eyes.

Back on Raw's side...

"This blows. We're never gonna catch up with them." said Jeff.

"Don't say that!" exclaimed Randy.

"Well, what else am I supposed to think? They're probably miles ahead of us, and there's no way we're gonna catch up this way without a miracle!" he replied.

"We don't need a miracle to win! What we need is strategy, and all the luck we can get. Now, if we all dig at the same time, we just might have a chance here. Let's move, team!" Randy exclaimed.

* * *

><p>Back on Smackdown's side...<p>

"Ok, anyone wanna dig next?" asked John. "I'm starting to get tired."

"I'll do it." said Hunter.

"No, I do!" argued Shawn.

"Guys!" exclaimed their teammates.

"You've had your shot at glory! Now it's my turn!" argued Hunter.

Shawn tried to snatch the shovel away from him. "I'm the faster one, I can get us outta here way faster!" he argued back.

"LET GO!" exclaimed HHH.

"YOU LET GO!" exclaimed HBK.

Then, they both let go of the shovel while it flew in the other direction.

"...Oops." they both said.

The girls glared at them while Cena shook his head in despair. "Ok, ok. Let's not panic."

"How can we not panic?" asked Mickie. "We have no shovel or anything!"

Then, out of nowhere, Edge came back, wearing a miner's hat.

"Heeeeyyy!" he announced.

Team Smackdown just looked at him.

Back on Raw's side...

"God, how much longer do we have to dig?" demanded Michelle.

"As long as it takes, Michelle." answered Randy.

Then, Kelly noticed that Jeff was lingering behind everyone else. "Jeff, you ok?" she asked.

"I-I'll be fine." he said, breathing heavily.

"Oh no, you're having a panic attack. Guys!" she called.

"What's going on?" asked Melina.

"What's the holdup?" asked Orton.

"He's having a panic attack!" Kelly exclaimed, worried.

"Really guys, I'll be ok." he said, holding onto his chest.

"Panic attack? What the hell's wrong with you?" demanded Randy.

"I'm claustrophobic, remember?" Jeff asked.

"Why didn't you tell Jericho that? You could've been let off the hook!" exclaimed Kelly.

"And let you guys down? That's not my style. Now I don't want you guys to worry about me. Let's just keep going so that we can win, ok?" he asked.

"Wow, that was...noble of you." Randy said seriously. "I'm impressed."

"You got guts, dude." agreed Michelle.

"You're actually complimenting me? This is new." he replied.

"Don't get used to it. Now let's go, team." said Orton.

Back on Smackdown's side...

"Edge, how'd you get here?" demanded Cena.

"I was searching for treasures, and then I happened to find you guys." he replied.

"Well, good for you, but we've got bigger problems here, so can you please get lost before I do that for you?" asked Hunter.

"Fine. But I could lead you guys right to the finish line." he replied.

"You're bluffing." replied Candice.

"Nope, I know a shortcut that leads right to the finish line." he said.

"How do you expect us to trust you?" asked Shawn. "For all we know, you could lead us to the middle of nowhere."

"I'm the Ultimate Opportunist. Who knows shortcuts better than me?" he asked.

"Good point." said Cena.

"But why would you wanna help us? Randy and Michelle are on the other team." said Mickie.

"Eh, I'm just in a good mood today. Now let's go unless you guys wanna lose." he said.

"I guess we should follow him and hope that he's doing the right thing." said John. "Let's go."

"I still don't trust him." said Hunter.

A few minutes later, Edge really did lead them towards the finish line...

"Wow, I gotta hand it to you, dude. You actually did it." said Hunter.

...but Team Raw was already there.

"EDGE!" Team Smackdown exclaimed angrily.

"Oops, my bad. Besides, I'd much rather be on the winning side." he replied, joining Team Raw's side.

Smackdown just stared at him in shock.

"Well, thank you for finally joining us, you guys. And since Team Raw made it back first, they win today's challenge!" announced Jericho.

"WHOOO!" they exclaimed.

"Haha." Edge scowled.

"I'm gonna kill him." Hunter replied. "I'm gonna ring his scrawny little neck."

"And Team Smackdown, you have to think about who you want out of here. See you later!" he exclaimed.

"Well, I think we all know who should go." said Mickie.

Shawn looked down while Hunter looked the other way.

* * *

><p>Later, at the elimination ceremony...<p>

"Ok, you guys. It's time to vote who you want off the show...starting now." said Jericho.

After a few seconds, everyone tallied in their votes.

"Ok. When I call your name, grab an award. Candice...Mickie...and John." he said.

After they got their awards, Jericho said, "Ok, Shawn and Hunter. This is actually gonna be a tough choice. But the person out of the competition..."

Hunter looked totally serious while Shawn looked nervous.

"...is..."

Silence.

"Edge?" he asked.

The guys looked at one another, shocked while John, Candice, and Mickie smiled.

"You rang?" asked Edge.

"Guess what, man? You've just been eliminated!" announced Jericho, putting handcuffs on him.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

John: "Ok, Shawn and Hunter may have messed up today, but they're still a part of the team. Maybe after this week they'll patch things up."

Mickie: "It was lucky that Edge came so that none of us got voted off and he did."

Candice: "We totally lucked out today. Since Edge is gone again, and Hunter and Shawn were on the chopping block, maybe they'll end this stupid fight and be friends again."

Hunter: "Edge is so lucky that he got voted off. Lucky because I have another chance to stay, and lucky that I didn't have to kill him."

Shawn: "Being in the bottom two really is a wake up call. I'll do everything in my power to stay on the show as long as I can. And seeing Edge being carried off in handcuffs is a kick, haha."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"...WHAT?" he exclaimed. "How?"<p>

"Well, everyone on Team Raw voted you off after what you did to them." he replied.

"So this is what I get after trying to be nice. Well, that tears it! None of you have seen the last of me. I may have been eliminated twice, but I WILL come back, you hear me? I'LL BE BACK!" Edge exclaimed, being dragged by Chef Big Show back to the sidelines. "And YOU! Stay away from my wife!" he told him.

"Vickie digs me, man." Big Show replied. "Just deal with it."

"Just wait until Randy and Michelle hear about this!" Edge called from a distance.

"Uh, speaking of Michelle, John. You're really finished with her?" asked Mickie.

"I sure am. She's gone too far earlier and there was no way she could've taken it back." he replied. "Besides, maybe now I can move onto better things." he said, smiling at Candice.

She smiled back towards him.

Little did they know, Michelle saw everything from behind a tree.

"Johnny, don't stoop so low. You're mine and you always will be. You or that bratty little Candice won't ruin what we have." she said surely. "Because what we have...is special."


	15. Episode 11

Total WWE Action!: Witch Doctor

Episode 11

"What's new, TV Land? This is the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla, Chris Jericho with another unpredictable week of TWA coming right up! Last week, everyone woke up to the surprise of being locked inside their trailers, which didn't make Michelle or Randy very happy. In the girls' trailer, Michelle and Candice clashed over John once again, with Candice winning the fight, while in the guys' trailer, they decided to bag on Randy instead of finding a way out. Eventually Orton would be of good use when the guys used his head to try to break out and ram me down at the same time! Anyways, last week's theme was a prison break theme, and the first challenge was a gross prison food eat off! Both teams had to create the grossest concoctions they could think of, and had to choose a person from the other team to eat it. With Michelle's choice, Team Raw chose Candice, which pissed Cena off. In retaliation, he chose Michelle, much to her shock! The girls were able to finish their stuff off, until Michelle suddenly submitted first, sending the win to Smackdown's side. But the party wasn't over. Michelle revealed the most disgusting ingredient she added to Candice's meal, and then she ran away in shock! John couldn't take anymore and then did the unthinkable-he dumped Michelle! As surprising as that was, we still had to move onto the second challenge, which was an obstacle course on how to break out of a prison. Jeff represented Team Raw, while after another argument with Hunter, Shawn represented Team Smackdown. The guys were neck and neck while they drove their teams through a crazy obstacle course, until they reached the digging part of the contest. On Raw's side, the team thought they had no chance at winning, and on top of that, Jeff had a panic attack on account of his claustrophobia! After he assured his team that he'd be ok, they vowed to keep going on. On Smackdown's side, the team was clearly in the lead until Hunter and Shawn fought over who should dig next and eventually lost their shovel! When all hope was lost, no one other than Edge came to their aid with a shortcut! Unfortunately, he led the team there a little too late when Team Raw made it to the finish line first! At the elimination ceremony, Hunter and Shawn were in the bottom two, but it was Edge who got eliminated...again! This week, just how far will Michelle go to win John back from Candice? After being so close to elimination, will Shawn and Hunter have a change of heart and make up? And will Randy and Melina get closer? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>Melina and her friends were hanging around the girls' trailer, while she was showing them a really pretty necklace...<p>

"It's beautiful, Mel!" exclaimed Kelly. "Where'd you get it?"

"Thanks! It was a present from my abuela." she replied.

"Who?" asked Mickie. "Sorry, I'm not good at Spanish."

She laughed. "My grandmother." she replied. "She gave this to me when I was really little, about 5 or 6, I think."

"Cool! Can I see?" asked Candice.

"Sure, just be super careful with it. If anything happened to this thing, I'd be crushed." she replied.

"It's so pretty." she said, handing it back to her.

"I know." she replied, putting it down next to her. "So, I wonder what we're gonna do today-*crunch*"

"...What was that?" asked Kelly.

"I don't know-My necklace!" she exclaimed. "Oh no! I broke it!"

"Don't panic, Mel, maybe this can be fixed." said Mickie. "Calm down."

"I can't calm down! This is my favorite necklace and I broke it!" she cried, with tears running down her face. "Oh, my God."

"Ok, Mel. Just leave this on your bed and we'll go find someone to fix it, ok?" asked Candice.

"Ok." she replied, putting the necklace on her bed. "Let's go."

Little did they know, Randy saw the whole scene and after the girls left, he took the necklace off of the bed.

Meanwhile, Michelle was still desperate to win John back...

"John, I need to talk to you." she said, storming up to him.

"Michelle, leave me alone." he replied.

"You don't really want to break up." she said. "We're still together, and we always will be."

He whipped around. "Oh, NOW you actually care about our relationship?"

"What do you mean? I've always cared about our relationship." she replied.

"You're joking, right?" he asked.

"No!" she exclaimed. "We can still make this work, I swear!"

"Michelle, for months, I've been the one trying to make this work, but no matter what I did for you, you never gave a damn about it. So if you don't care, then I don't either." he replied.

"Oh, so you'd rather be with that prissy little bitch Candice than me?" she asked.

He stormed up to her. "Don't you dare talk about Candice that way. She's been more of a friend to me than you ever were. If you ask me, you're the prissy little bitch." he replied. "Now if you'll excuse me, I got better things to do than sit here and waste my time arguing with you." he said, walking off.

Pissed, all she could do is watch her walk off.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

John: "It's not like me to speak to women that way, but Michelle really went over the line last week...and the week before that...and before that...well, you know what I mean. I'd much rather be with Candice than whatshername anymore."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>In the cafeteria, Shawn was still a little upset that he was close to being eliminated last week...<p>

"Hey, Shawn?" asked Jeff. "You all right?"

"Hey, Jeff. I'll be ok." he replied.

"Dude, whenever someone says they're ok in that tone, it really means they're not. Tell me what's going on." he said.

"It's just the fact that I was almost eliminated last week. I really want to stay in the competition for as long as possible, you know?" he asked.

"Well, yeah, everyone does. But since you're still here, you still have a chance." Jeff replied. "How about Hunter?"

"What about him?"

"Was he in the bottom two?" he asked.

"As a matter of fact, I was." said a voice.

They both looked up to see Hunter.

"Hey, man." greeted Jeff.

"Hey, Jeff. Shawn." he replied.

"Hunter." he said dully.

"Ok, you guys can't fight forever." said Jeff. "It's been like, 4 weeks since you two decided not to be friends anymore and it's taking a toll on all of us."

"Why you guys?" asked Hunter.

"Because, ever since you two were at each other's throats, your team's been losing a lot lately. And aside from that, you guys always made us all laugh when times were rough. And most of all, we really miss DX." he replied.

Shawn and Hunter were quiet for a moment.

"So, maybe if you two just forget everything and put your differences aside, things'll be like they used to be." he finished, leaving.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Hunter: "Well, I'll put some thought into what he said, but I'll forgive Shawn if he apologizes to me first."

Shawn: "Jeff had a good point there, but I'll only forgive Hunter if he apologizes to me first."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Later, Melina and the girls tried to find someone to fix her necklace, but they couldn't...<p>

"I can't believe we couldn't find someone." she said, crying.

Kelly gave her a hug. "Someone's gonna get your necklace fixed, ok?" she asked. "We'll find someone."

"I hope so. Uh, if you girls don't mind, I want to be alone for a while." she said.

"No problem, Mel." said Mickie. "If you need us, we'll be around."

"Feel better!" called Candice.  
>As she waved back to them, she turned around to find Randy with her fixed necklace.<p>

"Hey, Melina." he greeted.

"Randy what are-my necklace." she said, shocked. "How the hell did you get my necklace?"

"I kinda did you a favor." he replied.

Then, she saw that it was fixed. "Randy...you fixed this?" she asked.

"Well, uh, it wasn't that hard." he replied, chuckling.

"I can't believe you fixed it. Thanks." she said with a smile.

"Aw, it was nothin'." he replied.

"Why'd you do this for me?" she asked, wiping away her tears.

"Melina, even though you don't give a crap, I've always liked you, ok? I made a huge mistake before and I know I've never said this in my life, but I'm so-"

Melina just looked at him.

"So-sor-soorr-" he tried to say.

"Sorry?" she asked.

"Yeah, that word." he replied.

She was quiet for a moment.

"Melina?"

"Randy, would you like to hang out later?" she asked.

"Huh?" he asked, surprised. "Uh, yeah!"

"Cool. I'll see you later." she replied, kissing him on the cheek.

After she left, he cried, "Score!"

Little did they know, Michelle saw the whole scene and got even more pissed.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Michelle: "I did not just see her kiss Randy! She's supposed to hate him! First John dumps me for that princess, Candice, and now the only guy I can depend on, my friend Randy starts a thing with my ENEMY? I'm getting really sick of these lovey-dovey things going on around here, and I think sabotage is in mind. And I know EXACTLY which couples to break up first."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Later, while everyone was hanging out around the trailers, they didn't notice a stretcher with a sheet over it roll towards them.<p>

Chef Big Show signaled thumbs up to the stretcher, while it signaled back to him.

While everyone was chatting away, Jericho suddenly popped up from the stretcher.

"YO!" he cried.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!" some people screamed in shock.

"Hahahahahaha!" he laughed. "I got you all...suckers!"

Then, John flipped the stretcher over, sending Jericho to the ground.

"Hahahahahahahaha!" laughed everyone else.

"Ok, every time I try to pull a prank on you, why am I the one who ends up getting hurt?" he demanded, wearing a hospital gown.

Everyone just looked at his outfit.

"Well, try looking at your outfit. Getting hurt shouldn't be so new to you." John replied.

Everyone laughed some more.

"Whatever! Anyway, there's no question to what this week's theme is. So you should have no trouble guessing." he said.

"Cops?" Shawn asked dully.

"Cowboys and Indians?" Mickie asked dully.

"I really don't care." John said dully.

Jericho glared at them. "You're testing me, aren't you? Ok, since I have to point out the obvious, we're doing a hospital theme today. It's pretty self-explanatory, so let's just get to the challenges, people. Oh, wait! Before we do anything, great news!"

"We get to kick your ass for wearing that getup?" Hunter asked happily.

"No. One of you guys gets to sit out today!" he exclaimed.

"That's me!" exclaimed Randy. "I've taken enough crap from these people!"

"No, I do! I deserve to sit out!" argued Hunter.

"I do-I do!" random people shouted at once.

"MAINTAIN!" cried Jericho. "There's only one way we settle things here at TWA and that's eeny meeny miny mo. Line up, you guys. Ok, eeny meeny miny mo, catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers, let him go, my mother says to pick the very best one and you...are...it!"

"AAH!" Mickie exclaimed happily. "I won, I won, I WON! Wait, I do win something, right?"

"Yep, you get a day of pampering and relaxation, and you even get to sit next to me." Jericho said slyly.

"I'll take it! Except that I'd like to sit AWAY from you." she replied.

"Fine, your loss. Everyone else, let's get ready for your first challenge, shall we?" he said, tossing them each a heavy textbook.

"'You And Your Body'." Shawn read the cover. "Uh, didn't we learn about this stuff already in 7th grade or something?"

"Yeah, we already know how babies are made. When two people love each other very much, they, y'know, do the bedroom mambo." finished Hunter. "Heh heh, good times—"

"Hey, HEY!" Jericho cried, covering his ears. "Watch your mouths! Children may be watching this! Now these textbooks are a total of 10 years in med school, and tomorrow you'll be doing a challenge where you worms play the doctors and try to save a life. God knows that none of you failures ever really could."

"Jerk." Jeff muttered to him.

"Thanks! Now tonight, you all are to memorize this entire textbook from front page to back, and make sure you know all of this crap by tomorrow morning." he explained.

"Tonight? It's late enough as it is!" complained Kelly.

"Well, you better just move your asses a little faster then, huh? But to help you stay awake, you guys get to eat tons and tons of pizza in the meantime. Shows that I do have a heart." he replied. "Big Show?"

Show arrived and handed the teams huge stacks of pizza. "Enjoy the cheesy goodness in its entirety! Heh heh heh, you, come here." he chuckled, quickly taking Mickie away with him.

"Yeah, you're gonna try to keep us all awake by a pizza cooked by Big Show?" Randy asked, opening the box and examining the pizza. "Over my dead-*takes bite*-hey, this ain't so bad." he said, shocked.

Melina took a bite of his pizza. "Wow! You're right, this is pretty good!" she exclaimed.

Michelle, who was jealous of them and crossing her arms, scoffed. "Yeah, freakin' right." she muttered.

Meanwhile, Mickie was shoved into the kitchen with Big Show…

"Not again, Show!" she said sternly. "It's enough that I helped you with these pizzas, but my team is going to wonder where the hell I am!"

"Chillax, will ya?" he asked. "You were the one who won that 'day of pampering and relaxation'. So nobody's gonna notice. Now we need to send more of these pizzas out. Get cracking."

She glared at him. "Fine. But you better keep up your end of the deal, all right?" she demanded, getting back to work.

Meanwhile, Team Raw was sitting outside of the trailers, studying and eating their pizzas around a campfire…

"Ok, people, listen up." announced Randy. "We have no idea whether the challenge tomorrow will be an elimination challenge or a reward challenge, so either way, we do nothing but study until that sun comes up. None of you like it? TOUGH!"

Jeff snarled towards Randy, while Melina smiled a little and blushed.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Melina: "You know, after all this time, Randy's starting to really grow on me. It's kinda hot the way he takes charge, hehe."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Randy was furiously reading page after page, until Melina said, "Randy, calm down! We have all night to know all this stuff, just take it easy."<p>

"Melina, I can't! Our team doesn't need any more losses, and I—I just gotta do this my own way." he muttered, turning a page.

"But all work and no play makes Randy a dull boy today." she smiled.

He managed to chuckle. "That was cheesy, Mel."

"So? Now come on, have another slice of pizza!" she exclaimed, feeding him a piece.

Michelle grew green with envy, and then turned to watch the couple beside her.

Jeff and Kelly were also feeding each other slices of pizza while studying from the same book.

"You know, you are so cute when you're reading." Jeff told Kelly with a smile.

She smiled back. "But watching me reading is boring." she replied.

"Hey, nothing about you is boring, Kel. In fact, let's take a little break from studying and…do what WE like to do." he smirked, leaning in for a kiss.

"Now THAT is definitely in my favor." she replied before the two began making out.

Now alone, Michelle growled in anger. But then, while nobody was paying attention, she felt that a little sabotage was in mind. While Jeff and Kelly were distracted, Michelle stole his wallet, took out the money, and then slipped the empty wallet into Kelly's purse. Then, she took one of her own lipsticks and slipped that into his pocket.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Michelle: "Simple, yet effective. Those two are gonna flip when she finds another woman's lipstick with him and he's definitely gonna freak out when he finds out that she 'stole' his cash and his wallet!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Team Smackdown (minus Mickie) were in the cafeteria, also studying and eating…<p>

Shawn was looking at a page and read, "…'and those are the symptoms of Herpes.'" shocked, he slammed the book. "Filth." he muttered, munching another slice of pizza.

Hunter was doing more eating than studying. "You know, I cannot believe how this pizza hasn't poisoned us yet! You guys know that this is my 15th slice already?"

"Surprise, surprise." Shawn muttered. "You want a gold medal for that?"

He glared towards him. "Well, at least my nose isn't buried in a book 24/7 like you, Poindexter." he replied.

Shawn turned back to look at him. "Well, at least my NOSE is not abnormally ENLARGED!" he snapped back.

Hunter turned red. "YOU take that back, Receding Hairline!"

Shawn gasped in shock. "DON'T MOCK ME!"

"DON'T MOCK ME!" Hunter imitated.

"Stop it!" he cried.

"Stop it!" Hunter repeated.

Shawn paused for a moment. "…I LOVE Tubby Custard!"

"I LOOOOVE Tubby Custard!" Hunter repeated.

"Wow, you do?" Shawn asked.

"I SURE do!-HEY!" Hunter cried, pointing a finger at him.

Meanwhile, John shook his head in shock. "Can you guys grow up?" he asked. "Now c'mon, let's get cracking and do some studying." Then, he saw Candice glancing at him with a small smile on her face. "Hey, Candy, what's up?" he asked, smiling back.

"Oh, nothing. Sorry I stared." she replied, blushing.

"Hey, hey, it's nothing to apologize for. I don't mind." he replied.

"You don't?"

"Nope. Cause the longer you stare at me, the more I get to stare at you back. And THAT is a sight that I like to see." he replied.

As a reply, she giggled and smiled at her friend. "Oh, John…"

Meanwhile, Hunter was still putting away slice after slice of pizza when Shawn said, "Come on, don't be a pig! Save some for Mickie!"

Then, the four of them grew silent.

"Wait, where IS Mickie, anyway?" asked Candice.

"Hi, right here, I never left, ooh, pizza? I'm starved, thanks!" Mickie said quickly, eating a slice while the others looked confused.

Back on Team Raw's side…

"Well, Melina, maybe you were right. All work and no play does make Randy a dull boy today. I'll be right back." he told her.

"Oh, so you're the one who forces us to stay here and study while you get to hop off to wherever you please?" asked Jeff. "You're nothing but a hypocrite, dude."

He shot him a look. "Look, Hardy, I can go because I am the leader of this team, may I remind you, and I can do whatever the hell I want. Now, you people…READ THE BOOK!" he snapped, heading off.

Melina giggled while Kelly and Jeff shook their heads.

"Like I'll ever listen to him. You want to get a soda with me, Kel?" he asked her.

"Sure. You want one, Mel?" asked Kelly.

"No, thanks."

And after they headed off, Michelle saw that Melina went back to studying and decided to sneak off, find Randy, and maybe see if her plan to split Jeff and Kelly up would work, too.

While Randy was walking, he turned around to find Michelle following him. "Michelle? What's going on?"

"Randy, listen. I've noticed how close you've been getting with Melina, and I just want to warn you that you SHOULD NOT get together with her!" she exclaimed.

"Michelle—"

"No, listen! I know for a fact that Melina plays dirty in order to win! Remember last year? She played both you AND Edge at the same time! Who knows that she isn't doing the same thing now?" she asked.

"Why would she? I'd be all that she needs! Besides, I'm trying to make it up to her for the way I've treated her before we broke up the first time. I want her to be with me again." he replied.

"NO! Come on, Rand, I'm your friend, aren't I? Rated RKO, remember? I'm supposed to come first in your life, not her!" she pleaded.

"Michelle, listen, you are important in my life, but so is Melina, and I am going to make her mine eventually. So please just stay out of it." Randy said, heading off while she looked defeated.

"Damn." she cursed. But near where she was, she saw Jeff and Kelly approaching a drink machine and then wanted to see if her plan would work on them…

When they got to the drink machine, Jeff reached for his wallet, only to find it missing.

"Hey, what the-" he exclaimed.

"What's wrong, babe?" Kelly asked.

"I can't find my wallet." he replied. "I swear, I had it with me."

"Maybe you left it in your trailer. Here, I think I have a few singles with me." she replied, emptying her purse on the table.

Then, they caught the wallet.

She gasped in shock.

Jeff looked at the wallet and then looked at her. "...What's my wallet doing in your purse?" he asked.

"I-I don't know! I didn't even know it was in here!" she exclaimed.

He still looked at her and back at the wallet in shock.

"Wait, don't tell me you think that I stole your wallet!" she exclaimed.

Then, he looked inside his wallet to find his money missing, too!

"Jeff, are you kidding me right now?" demanded Kelly.

"Kelly, my _empty_ wallet was found in your purse." he replied. "Why in the world would you steal from me?"

She just looked at him in shock. "What?" she demanded.

Then, she caught a lipstick container by his foot.

"Wait just a damn minute here." she said, picking it up. "Where the hell did this come from?"

"I never had that!" he argued.

"This thing was right next to you, it must've fell out of your pocket!" she argued back. "This isn't my lipstick, which means it has to be someone else's."

"Wait, wait. You think I'm seeing someone else?" he demanded.

"There's no other excuse." she replied.

"I can't believe you, Kelly!" he exclaimed angrily.

"I can't believe YOU! How dare you accuse me of stealing your money and your wallet?" exclaimed Kelly.

"How dare YOU accuse me of cheating on you?" exclaimed Jeff.

"Look, I really don't want to start an argument here." she replied.

"Too late for that." he muttered.

She turned around. "Listen, Jeff. Don't be a smart-aleck, all right? I know you enjoy being sarcastic sometimes, but don't do it to me." she replied.

"Oh yeah, well don't act like a stuck up little thief around me, either!" he replied.

She looked shocked. "All right, here's the deal. We do what we have to do in these challenges, and that's it. Don't talk to me for the rest of the night." she said seriously.

"Best news I've heard all day." he replied.

She just glared at him and then went on her way, while he glared back and went in the other direction.

Michelle saw the whole scene from behind a tree and smiled evilly. "Nice! They're probably never gonna speak to each other again, haha!" she laughed. "Now, what should I do about my John and that bitch Candice?"

The next morning…

Shawn halfheartedly turned a page before collapsing face first in the book in exhaustion. "…and the foot bone's connected to the…flapjacks…" he muttered. "Guys, come on, we have to wake up."

John and Candice woke up, only to find that he had his arms wrapped around her the whole time.

"John…" Candice said, pleasantly surprised.

He chuckled nervously. "Hey, Candy! H-How'd you sleep?"

"Pretty good, to be honest. I like having your arms around me." she smiled.

"Maybe we can do this again sometime." he smiled back.

"Aw, you guys!" Mickie smiled at them. "Oh, look at poor Hunter. He's still knocked out."

"Pigging out on pizza all night—WAKE UP!" Shawn cried, tossing an empty pizza box at him.

"OW!" Hunter cried, waking up. "Totally RUDE, Shawn!"

On Team Raw's side…

Melina yawned. "What a night. How are you guys holding up?" she called to her team. "Guys?"

She was surprised to see Jeff and Kelly sleeping on opposite sides of the trailer. "Hey, why are you two sleeping so far away from each other?" she asked.

Jeff looked pissed and Kelly looked the other way.

"What's the deal with you two?" asked Randy.

They said nothing to one another.

"Jeff? Kelly? Did you guys have a fight?" asked Melina.

"It's really not a big deal, Mel." replied Jeff. "Now let's keep studying. At least now I'm totally awake to make sure that nothing else gets _stolen_ from me." he said, glaring at Kelly.

"Well, I'm surprised that you're even studying in the first place! I'd expect someone like you to _cheat_." Kelly replied, glaring back at him.

"Oh, are you still on that?" demanded Jeff.

"Well, leave me alone about this 'thief' crap!" exclaimed Kelly. "You don't have to go on about it like a jerk!"

"Oh, so now I'm a jerk. You know, Kelly, I thought we could handle anything." he said.

"Apparently, we can't." she replied.

"You guys-" began Melina.

"So, is this it?" he asked. "We're over?"

She wiped away a tear. "I guess so." she replied.

"You guys can't break up!" exclaimed Melina. "Listen, I have no idea what the hell you're fighting about, but you've been through everything together."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore." Kelly said quietly.

"This is no time for fighting, you two!" exclaimed Randy. "We have another contest to win, all right?"

"Why the hell are you so energetic this morning?" Jeff muttered.

"A few cans of Red Bull can do you wonders!" he exclaimed.

"I second that." Michelle winked, as Melina glared suspiciously towards her.

* * *

><p>Later, both teams met Jericho to this set that looked like a hospital room…<p>

"Ok, worms, it's a new day, and I hope that valuable medical information is sitting happily inside of those little pea brains of yours!" exclaimed Chris. "Now, first, you'll need to wear these." he said, tossing doctor costumes at them. One nearly smothered Hunter while he nodded off again. "AGH!" he cried. "Stop harassing me!"

"All righty then! In today's challenge - which is indeed, a reward challenge so nobody goes home today – the reward can only go to one person." he explained.

"Who will that be?" asked John.

"Easy. The person who contributed the most to the team's win." answered Randy. "Which will be…"

"ME!" both he and Michelle exclaimed at the same time before they looked at one another in surprise.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Randy: "What the hell is Michelle talking about? I'm the leader, so I get the reward! ME, ME, ME!"

Michelle: "Hell, Randy is too distracted with that Melina, who I tried to get him away from, so of course I'll gain the win!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"So, what IS the reward, Jericho?" asked Shawn.<p>

"OK, so your challenge today is as follows! Each team must try and put together a giant robot body. As you can see, here are two tanks with the dismembered parts of each body. Once you answer a medical question that I give you, you'll attach yourself to a harness and leap into a tank to try and get a part. Once you grab one, the part will have to be put into its correct place on the platform. When the body is completely assembled, each team will pull their body to the roof, and it will be brought alive once again after it is struck by lightning, BWAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed crazily.

"Why'd you ignore me?" Shawn asked, pissed off.

"So hopefully if you'd studied last night, you'll be in good shape. The first team to bring their body to life will win the challenge!" he exclaimed. "And Candice, you're lucky number one. Here's your question: Name a way to treat gonorrhea."

She was caught by surprise. "Oh! Uh, well, uh…get a hepatitis B vaccine?"

"CORRECT!"

Then, Candice was harnessed up and leapt into the tank, grabbed a leg, but was violently electrocuted. "OOOOOOWWW! What the hell was that?" she demanded.

"Oh, I forgot. There are electric eels in that tank, and if you get zapped 3 times, you're out! Ha HA!" Jericho laughed.

Candice glared at him and tossed the leg to John. "Great going, Candy!" he exclaimed.

Michelle growled in jealousy, before smirking and sending a certain picture to John's cell phone, hoping that he'd see it.

Later…

"Randy, this is an easy one. What is a doctor?" Jericho asked.

He chuckled. "A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills. HEY-O!" he exclaimed.

Jericho looked at him. "I do the jokes, buddy."

Soon after that, Randy was dropped into the tank, was electrocuted twice, and tossed a leg towards his team.

"I got it!" called Jeff. Kelly managed to shove him away and catch it instead. "I got it. No cheating allowed, remember?" she sneered at him, placing it on the platform as he glared at her.

Later, the teams were answering question after question, and were working hard to get their bodies completed quickly.

"…Chronic Old Person's Disease!" answered John.

He leapt into the tank, but his harness broke, dropping him inside.

"…Put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up!" answered Melina.

She leapt into the tank, nearly bonked her head over the tank, and tossed a torso to her team.

"…The hippie hippie shakes!" answered Shawn.

He leapt in the tank, tossed his team a torso, but was then ambushed by eels. "AAAAHHHHH!" he cried.

"…Mad Cow disease!" answered Kelly.

She leapt in the tank and grabbed an arm for her team.

"…Charley Horse!" answered Hunter.

"…Bubonic plague!" answered Jeff.

"…Elephantitis!" answered Candice.

"…CHLAMYDIA!" cried Michelle.

Hunter leapt in, missed the tank, leapt in again, and tossed a part to his team, Jeff repeatedly beat an eel with a leg piece before the eel slapped him, Candice was violently shocked, and Michelle easily tossed a head piece to her team.

Hours passed, and Team Raw's body was missing an arm, while Team Smackdown's was missing an arm and a leg.

"HA, Smackdown's being cost an arm and a leg! I love puns." Jericho smiled.

Shawn leapt in and tossed an arm towards Candice, who placed it where it was supposed to go. While her back was turned, John checked his phone for any messages and then saw a new message. "Hmm. What's this?" he asked. When he opened it, he was shocked to find a revealing picture of Michelle with a message saying, 'You know you want me back, John.' Shocked, he glared towards Michelle while she smirked and waved back at him.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

John: "What IS Michelle's deal? She KNOWS why I broke up with her and now she's doing everything in her power to try and make mine and Candice's lives miserable! Well, I won't let her get away with it."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Soon after that, the last body piece was tossed to Team Raw, and they quickly pulled their platform towards the roof.<p>

"Guys, c'mon, we gotta hurry!" cried Candice.

Hunter tossed them their last piece, and Team Smackdown rushed to pull their platform to the roof, too.

"WOOHOO, we got ourselves a race!" exclaimed Jericho.

"YAY, I think we're winning!" Melina exclaimed, grabbing Randy's arm when she saw something strange. "Hey, Randy, what's that on your arm?"

"What?"

"That dark circle on your arm. What is that?" she asked.

He looked at it. "That's weird. I never saw that before." Randy replied, just as surprised.

Melina felt his forehead. "My God, you're burning up."

"Oh don't worry about that, Mel, he's normally that hotheaded." Jeff smirked.

"Oh, WHO asked you?" Randy demanded, not noticing the bulge growing in his jeans.

"Uh, Randy…" Kelly said slowly.

He looked at her and then slowly looked down at the bulge. "…What's going on?" he asked hesitantly.

"Whoa, look! Randy's got a HUGE boner!" Hunter pointed out.

"What the hell?" Jericho asked, confused.

"Wait, wait, I remember reading something about this in the book! Strange dark circle on your arm, high temperature, major boner…Randy, you may have Priapism." announced Michelle.

"What's THAT?" he cried.

"It's a condition where you have an erection that lasts for more than 4 hours!" she exclaimed.

Silence.

He sighed. "Oh, GREAT, JUST what I need in life, a non stop boner! Well, uh, I may know how to relieve it. Melina, whaddya say you and I go someplace quiet…" he smiled devilishly.

She giggled. "Stop!"

"You may not want to go near him, Mel. It's contagious." Michelle smirked.

Chris looked scared. "Uh, uh, yeah, I just remembered that I have to go someplace that's not here." he said, backing away.

"What's wrong, Chrissy? Afraid of a widdle tightness in the crotch area?" Randy smirked, following him.

"GET AWAY FROM ME, GERM INCUBATORS!" Jericho cried, speeding out of the studio and locking the door. "I have a feeling that things are going to get worse from here, and I do NOT want a part of it!"

Meanwhile…

"I don't get it! How could Randy get some random illness from out of nowhere?" asked Shawn.

"Especially one where you get a massive boner." agreed Jeff.

"Hey, maybe it's just temporary." replied Randy.

"Well, we can't take any chances with you. Here, step in this quarantine bubble." said John, blowing up a huge one.

"Cena, you of ALL people can NOT tell me what to—OOF!" he cried, being tossed inside anyway. "LET ME OUT, DAMN IT!" he shouted.

"Hey, Mickie? What's that on YOUR arm?" asked Shawn.

She saw a mark similar to Randy's. "But I can't get boners! I'm a girl!" she cried, worried.

"Better to be safe than sorry. Let's go, Micks." Candice said while they tossed her inside her own bubble.

"Hey, how do we know that we ALL don't have some weird diseases?" announced Michelle. "We all need to be checked immediately!"

"Hey, what is up with my foot?" Jeff asked, taking off his shoe to see…

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed in terror, seeing that his foot was horribly swollen. "WHAT HAPPENED?"

Everyone gasped.

"Looks like a meatloaf!" Hunter exclaimed while they crowded around him.

"I think you have the Gout, Jeff." said Michelle. "Caused by stress."

"Oh, I wonder where THAT came from." he snapped, looking towards Kelly.

She growled. "YOU think that I cause YOU stress? What do you think you're causing ME?" she demanded, not realizing that her lips were quickly swelling up.

"Kelly…" began Candice.

She looked in her mirror and screamed. "Oh—Oh, my God, what's wrong with me?"

"Lipstosis. Also caused by stress." announced Michelle.

Kelly glanced towards a pissed off Jeff and began sobbing in a corner.

Meanwhile, John was still looking on the picture on his phone. "I cannot let Candice see this." he muttered, not seeing her approach him.

"You can't let me see what?" she asked.

"Oh! Uh, nothing, that would interest you." he said quickly when she grabbed the phone.

"Oh, come on, it can't be that bad!" she exclaimed, seeing the picture of Michelle on his phone. Then, her features softened. "…I—I…" she began, surprised.

"Candy, it's not what it looks like, I swear." John pleaded.

"I guess you still have feelings for her, don't you?" she asked quietly.

"No! Candice, listen to me. I really care about you, ok?" he said sincerely.

"And I really care about you, but seems like we can only be friends. Nothing more than that." she replied.

"Candice-" he began.

"We can't handle a relationship right now, I'm sorry." she said sadly, walking off.

John tried to stop her, but could only look on sadly. "Candice—Candy, you're burning up!"

"Don't worry about me, ok?" she asked, suddenly sweating and fanning herself off.

"Hot flashes. Happens to a lot of moody people!" Michelle exclaimed with a smile.

Meanwhile, Shawn was suddenly dancing. "What is happening to ME?"

"Boogie Fever." answered Michelle.

Then, Hunter was sliding around on the floor. "OW! What's going on, my ass hurts like crazy!" he cried.

"Uh, you have…hemorrhoids." Michelle said slowly. "Ouch."

"HEMMORRHOIDS?" he demanded. "You mean, I've got to deal with a flared up ass?"

John was trying to talk to Candice again, before he bumped into a wall. "OW! Why can't I see?"

"Temporary blindness. It'll wear off soon, sweetie." Michelle replied.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Melina: "Ok, this is all too strange here. This is a competition; Jericho really wouldn't let us die, would he?"

Jericho: "…Maybe I would. As long as I get my paycheck, I really don't give a crap about anyone else."

Melina: "AND why aren't Michelle and I sick like the others? I need to get to the bottom of this."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>In the locked studio, everyone was lying on the ground, miserable, while Melina and Michelle were totally confused…<p>

Candice was trying to console Kelly, who was still crying. "You gonna be ok, Kel? I'm sure the condition will wear off." she said, still fanning herself off.

She sniffled. "I'm not crying about that. I'm crying because Jeff and I broke up." she replied.

"What? I mean, I sensed something weird going on between you two, but I can't believe you're broken up!" she exclaimed, giving her a hug.

"I'm sorry, I just don't want to talk about it right now." Kelly replied.

Meanwhile, Jeff glanced towards Kelly and then looked at his swollen foot. "I can't believe this is happening." he muttered, exhausted.

Randy rolled beside him with a smirk. "What's the problem, Gout? You sad that Kelly left you?" he asked.

"She never left me, we're broken up. Now leave me the hell alone, Morning Wood." he said, rolling him away.

"This is all so strange." Michelle said in a fake concerned voice. "Melina, how could you and I be the only two who aren't sick?"

Melina gave her a look. "You tell me."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Maybe you have something to do with all of this." she replied. "Why would everyone else be like this?"

"Uh, I had absolutely nothing to do with any of this, thanks. Maybe it's the fact that I never really studied last night. Did you?" asked Michelle.

"No, I was watching videos on my phone." the Latina confessed.

"You know what, let's take a look at one of those textbooks again. Maybe we'll find something that they missed." replied the blonde.

"How are we gonna get outta here? Jericho locked us in." said Melina.

Michelle looked up to where the two fake bodies were and smiled. "We climb up the roof." she replied.

And so they followed her plan, and ended up outside of the studio, where Melina ran off to get a book, and Michelle ran to the cafeteria.

In the studio, everyone else was preparing for their 'final hours'…

Mickie (who was still in the bubble) was crying, when a still dancing Shawn approached her. "Aw, don't cry, Micks." he said.

"Why not? I can't spend the rest of my life trapped in this thing!" she exclaimed.

"Consider yourself lucky. I'm going to be dancing myself into my own grave soon enough." he replied sadly, doing the Running Man.

"YOU have no right to complain!" Hunter cried angrily, still scooting himself around the floor. "You're afraid of dancing, well I'm stuck with flipping HEMMORRHOIDS! Do you know how painful it is with a flared up ass?" he demanded.

"Can you two please *crashes into another wall*-OW!—stop fighting?" John demanded, still not able to see anything.

"I have to pee." announced Randy, still in his bubble.

"Deal with it, Boner Bubble Boy." replied John. "This is the end for all of us, anyway. Might as well hold it in for 5 more minutes."

"Are we really gonna die, Candy?" Kelly asked tearfully.

"Who knows?" she asked. "I didn't want to end it like this." she said, gazing towards John. "I could've at least given him one first and last kiss." she said quietly.

But before all hope was lost, Michelle and Melina bursted in the room with answers!

"Guys, listen! We've been looking through the information in the books and everything that you read was a lie!" announced Melina.

"My whole life is a lie." Randy muttered to himself.

"Everything was forged and had straight up fake info!" she continued, before suddenly feeling queasy. "Excuse me!" she cried, running into the bathroom.

"Seasickness." announced Michelle with an evil smile.

"Well, how is THIS fake?" Jeff demanded, pointing to his foot. "How could any of this be fake if we're really suffering here?"  
>"It's nothing you read in the book. It's actually from the pizza you guys ate. It's filled with Ex-Lax and Pepto Bismol." announced Michelle. "That's why you guys are so messed up, but you'll live."<p>

"THANK GOD!" Randy cried, escaping his bubble and heading to the men's room.

As Mickie was freed from her bubble, she quickly hugged Shawn and Hunter. "Oh, I'm so happy!" she sobbed.

"So, Ex-Lax causes hemorrhoids?" asked Hunter.

"What about my blindness?" asked John.

"I think it was the over studying and lack of sleep that we all got." replied Kelly. "I'm sure you'll be fine, John."

And soon after that, Jericho leaped in from the roof. "WHOO! Guess what, worms, Team Raw wins the contest with the quick thinking of Melina and Michelle! Now the reward is…*pause*…wait, I forget. Hold on." he said, leaving.

"See, Mel, doesn't teamwork make the dream work?" Michelle smiled.

"Uh, yeah, I guess." she replied, confused by her friendly attitude. "I'm surprised by you. You actually did a pretty….decent job today."

"Thanks!" she exclaimed.

"YAY, I remembered!" Jericho exclaimed, coming back. "The reward is to spend some quality time with your best friend. So Team Raw, which one of you wants the reward?"

"Well, my best friends are already here." said Kelly.

"I'd love to see Matt again. Or Maria, or Punk…" began Jeff.

"I'm my own best friend." announced Randy. "Give me the damn prize."

"No, ME!" cried Jeff.

"No, ME!" argued Kelly. "I'm going through heartbreak right now!"

"And I'm not?" snapped Jeff.

As the three argued, Melina said nothing and Michelle began to cry. They shut up.

"Michelle? What's up with you?" Randy asked his friend.

She sniffled. "I-I'm sorry. It's just, even though I've been acting like a total bitch lately, deep down, I still care about you guys. When I heard that you guys were dying, I was freaking out. I didn't want to lose any of you." she said 'sincerely'.

Team Raw looked shocked, while Melina crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

"Wow, she really does have a heart." Kelly said, surprised.

"And you know, if it weren't for her, we wouldn't have won." agreed Randy. "Michelle, why don't you take it."

"Yeah, take it." agreed Jeff.

"Take it." agreed Kelly.

They all looked towards Melina while Michelle put on her puppy dog eyes and batted them. She sighed heavily. "Go ahead."

"Oh, you guys are the BEST!" Michelle exclaimed, giving them all hugs. "I will not forget you for this, thank you, THANK YOU!"

After she left the studio, she climbed into the limousine that was waiting for her. There, Edge was smirking, drinking a Budweiser. "Hey, BFF." he greeted. "Why the hell were you crying like a pansy in there?"

Michelle looked at him and broke out laughing. "Edge, I was not crying, all right? I had to put up that sympathy act to get those sheep to choose me. Besides, I left my calling card. I got to break up Jeff and Kelly, John and that little princess Candice aren't speaking, and I managed to get Melina on my good side. Eventually, I'll turn on her and convince Randy to stay away from her before it's too late." she smiled, filing her nails. "My work here is done for now."

"Damn, woman, why couldn't you have joined Rated RKO earlier?" asked Edge.

"I was waiting for the right time, I guess. Hahahahahaha!" she laughed evilly as the limo drove off.

Jericho watched the whole scene go down. "Wow, someone's evil. Can't wait to see where this goes! Good night, TV Land!" he exclaimed.


	16. Episode 12

Total WWE Action!: Nobody Likes You (When You're Dead)

Episode 12

"What's good, party people? This is Y2J, Chris Jericho here with another unpredictable week on TWA coming up next! Last week's theme was a medical theme, and luckily for Mickie, she got a free day off with a spa and pampering. I tried to get some time with her, but she turned me down. Seriously, I'm Jericho, who'd turn this sexy beast down? Anyways, the challenge consisted of both teams in an all night study session, with some medical textbooks and all the pizza they could eat. Team Raw was surprised to see Melina and Randy spending a lot of time together, and Michelle was still pissed, planning to take out any couple she saw. And first on her list were Jeff and Kelly. Meanwhile, Mickie was revealed to have been having a secret association with Big Show, little did her teammates know. On a lighter note, on Smackdown's side, Cena and Candice got closer, but later, things went from bad to worse for everyone. Jeff and Kelly later broke up, Candice and Cena later had a little dispute, and one by one, each of the contestants were diagnosed with these crazy medical conditions that had them dropping like flies. Everyone except for Melina and Michelle. It turns out that the two enemies worked together to solve the mystery, revealing that none of them were really sick. For figuring this out, Team Raw were the winners, and the team ultimately gave Michelle the prize of spending some time with her BFF. She thanked them with some tears, but as soon as she stepped in the limo with Edge, it was revealed that she faked the whole thing. Smart move, if you ask me. This week, will a possible DX reunion be in store or will it be Shawn vs. Hunter once again? Will Melina be able to bring Jeff and Kelly back together? And after what she's done, will karma come back for Michelle? Find out this week on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was about 7:00 in the evening, and after the events that happened last week, a lot of people were still bummed out...<p>

In the guys' trailer...

"Ah. What a great week this has been." Randy said with a smile. "Eh, guys?"

Jeff and John glared at him. "Shut up, Orton." they both muttered.

"Well, well. Aren't we touchy! What's biting you two?" he asked.

"None of your damn business." replied Cena.

"Come on, you can tell ol' Rand. What's going on?" he asked. "How about you, Hardy? You're usually always miserable, but this week you've seemed even more miserable. What's on your mind?"

Then, he clocked Orton in the face. "Shut the hell up, and leave me alone." Jeff replied darkly.

"Ok, listen to me, you two, tell me what's up before I beat it outta the two of you." Orton sprang up.

"Orton, they're pissed off as it is, all right?" asked Shawn.

"Yeah, just leave them alone." agreed Hunter. "Besides, it's girl troubles."

Jeff and John looked at him.

"Oops. Anyways, why the hell are you so happy, Orton?" he asked.

"Well, Melina and I've been spending a whole lot of time together lately. I think we're almost officially together now." he said proudly.

"Really? I think she's with you for pity." replied Shawn.

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" he screamed.

"...Ow! As I was saying, she's only with you because she feels bad that you're a hotheaded evil maniac who'll end up alone." he said with a smile.

"Oh ho ho, WRONG!" he shouted. "Melina digs me. She's falling for me, and there's not a damn thing any of you can do about it."

"Well, whenever we get a chance, we'll send her to the ER to get her head checked out. The real Melina wouldn't be caught dead with you, Orton." said Hunter.

The guys laughed.

"Well-wh-WHATEVER! All of you better just stay outta my way. You all may be hopeless and sad, but none of you are gonna spoil my mood." he said, slamming the door behind him.

"Hey, good joke, Hunter." said Shawn.

"Uh, thanks!" he replied.

"Hey, so are you guys done arguing so that our team can continue winning again?" asked Cena.

"Well, I'll forgive him after he apologizes to me." announced Shawn.

"And I'll forgive him if he apologizes to me." replied Hunter.

Then, they looked at each other.

"Well?" asked Shawn.

"Well, what?" asked Hunter.

"Apologize!" he cried.

"No, you apologize first!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Come on, you were the one who started this whole fight!" exclaimed Shawn.

"ME? You started it!" argued Hunter.

"No, I didn't!" cried Shawn.

"Yes, you did!" cried Hunter.

"Eh, I need some air." Jeff said dully, going outside.

"And now it's just me." John said dully, watching the guys argue.

* * *

><p>In the girls' trailer...<p>

"Come on, Kelly. You haven't gotten out of bed since you broke up with-" began Mickie.

She began crying some more.

"Sorry." Mickie replied. "I wish there was something I could do to help."

"There's nothing you could do. There's nothing that anyone could do!" she cried, huddling under her blanket.

"I've never seen her this upset before." said Candice. "We gotta help her!"

"I will." Melina said. "Kelly, come with me." she said, helping her get out of bed.

"I don't want to." she said dully.

"Kel, you've been crying your eyes out in Kleenex all week! You know you've hardly gone outside once?" she asked.

"I don't care." she replied.

She dragged her out of bed. "Come on. We need to settle things between you and Jeff." Melina replied, leading her outside.

A few minutes after they went outside, Melina caught Jeff hanging out on his own. "Hey, Jeff!" she called.

He gave her a half smile and waved.

"Ok, obviously there's something going on between you two." she said.

"I don't really want to talk about it, Mel." Jeff said quietly.

"Maybe I'll just go back to our trailer." Kelly said sadly, heading back.

"No, no, no." Melina stopped her. "Something happened, and I want to know about it! Now, I'm not letting the two of you leave without telling me what happened last week. Somebody talk."

"It-It was just, Jeff accused me of stealing his money and his wallet." she said nervously.

"What?" Melina asked in surprise.

"Well, my wallet was in her purse. I mean, what else was I supposed to believe?" asked Jeff.

"Ok, and you tell me your side of the story." she said.

"She accused me of cheating on her." he replied.

"Kelly?" she asked.

"Well, I found someone else's lipstick container right by him. What was I supposed to do?" she asked.

"Hmm. Do either of you still have the lipstick with you?" she asked.

"Yeah." Kelly said, handing it to her.

She looked at it carefully, and then remembered a familiar someone who had it in the first place.

"That's it." she said finally. "I had a feeling I knew who was behind this, but now I know for sure."

"What do you mean?" asked Jeff.

"You guys were fighting for nothing. This is all Michelle's fault!" she exclaimed.

"What?" they both asked in shock.

"I'm serious. It's all clear now. She was the one who stole your money, Jeff, and snuck your wallet into Kelly's purse and framed her for it. And then, she probably snuck her lipstick in Jeff's pocket so that he'd be framed for cheating on you, Kelly." she explained.

Shocked, Kelly and Jeff looked at her and then looked at each other.

"Neither of you did anything wrong." Melina continued. "Listen. You guys have been to hell and back together, and you can't break up. Not after all you've been through. *pulls them closer together* So now, I want you two to apologize and make up so that all this craziness can be over with."

Kelly looked teary eyed at Jeff, while he gazed back at her.

Then, after a few seconds, Kelly ran up and wrapped him up in a hug.

He wrapped her in a hug in return and replied, "Kel, I'm so sorry. For everything."

"I'm sorry, too, Jeff." she said, tears coming down her face. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too." he replied, kissing her forehead.

"Now, that's more like it." Melina said with a smile.

"Mel, how'd you know it was Michelle?" asked Kelly.

"Yeah, and how could she do this to us?" demanded Jeff.

"Well, last week during the challenge, didn't you notice how…helpful she was the whole time? And besides that, she got dumped by Cena, so she was pissed off. I guess she was so angry that she had to make everyone else miserable, too." she explained.

"But we didn't even do anything to her!" exclaimed Kelly. "What's wrong with her?"

"That's easy. She's a self centered, stuck up little brat." Jeff said darkly.

"My thoughts exactly." agreed Melina. "I'll see you guys later. I've got some business to take care of."

"What are you gonna do?" asked Jeff.

"I've gotta hunt her down and kick her ass." she said finally.

"Wait, Melina?" called Kelly.

"Yeah?"

"If you need a hand, call me." she said seriously.

She nodded back and went on her way.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Kelly: "Ok, for a long time, I've stayed out of Michelle's way and left her alone. But after what she did, after she tried to make the man I love hate me, I'm finally gonna do something about her."

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>Later that same evening...<p>

Everyone was hanging out on the set, enjoying some treats made by Chef Big Show himself...

"Hey, brats! Here's some grub. Enjoy." he said, bringing them a tray.

"Head for the hills, you guys." announced John. "He wants to kill us."

Then, Hunter took a whiff and said, "Hey, these smell pretty good."

"So, anyone dare to taste one?" asked Cena.

Silence.

"Well, I guess I will then." Shawn announced.

"Be careful, man." said Jeff.

As everyone waited anxiously, Shawn took a fruit pie and took a tiny bite of it.

"Someone get the ER ready." said Melina. "He's gonna need it."

"Mmm! This is pretty good!" Shawn exclaimed, taking another bite. "Fruity!"

Then, everyone looked at each other and then took some more goodies.

"Holy crap, these are awesome!" exclaimed Kelly.

"Don't be fooled, you guys." said Hunter. "They might taste good, but he might've put poison in them."

Then, Candice shoved a spoonful of the stuff in his mouth.

"Oh, my God!" he exclaimed, gulping down the stuff.

"Where's Mickie?" asked John. "She should be enjoying this with the rest of us!"

"I don't know." replied Melina. "She's been missing for a while...and so is Michelle."

"What about Michelle?" he asked dully.

"She's just been doing a lot of crap lately and I need to see her." she replied. "By the way, is everything between you and Candy all right?"

"Uh, yeah, we still say hello now and again." he replied, sort of sad.

Then, she looked at him with a sad look on her face until...

_"Attention, castmates, please meet me at Mount Jumpoff for your next challenge!"_ announced Jericho.

As everyone was headed for the mountain, Mickie rushed to join them...

"Hey, you guys!" she said quickly.

"Mickie! Where were you?" asked Kelly.

"Yeah, you missed out on the greatest dessert ever!" agreed Hunter.

"Oh! Uh, I was around." she said casually.

"Around doing what?" he asked.

"Stuff!" she exclaimed quickly.

"Hey, is this baking soda?" asked Shawn, looking at the powder on her shirt.

"Uh, no! It's makeup! Just a little blush, that's all, hehe." she laughed nervously.

"What kind of makeup smells like Arm And Hammer?" asked Jeff.

"It's a new type of makeup!" she exclaimed. "Now, come on, you guys, let's go!"

As she rushed ahead, he asked, "Ok, what's up with her?"

Meanwhile, Randy and Michelle joined the group, when Melina caught them.

"Hey, Melina." Randy greeted.

"Hi, Randy. Michelle." Melina said, glaring at her.

"Melina." she glared back.

As they glared at each other, Orton said, "Well, I'm gonna go. If you two decide to have a catfight, let me know."

"I have to talk to you." Melina told her.

"Now? This isn't a good time. Besides, whatever you have to say doesn't concern me." Michelle replied.

"Listen here-" began Melina.

"Hey, girls! We're over HERE!" called Jericho.

They looked at each other again and joined everyone else.

"Ok, my hypocrites. Today's gonna be so damn exciting, you know why? Well, it's because-*slips off mountain*-WHOA!" he cried.

He bounced off the mountain, and then fell straight through a pole!

Everyone looked in shock.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the girls.

Cena and Shawn smiled.

"This is the end of Jericho." Cena said happily. "No more of him."

"No more calling us parasites, no more dirty tricks, we're free." Shawn said, looking into the sky. "Free at last, free at last, thank God, we are FREE AT LAST!"

Then, they high fived each other.

"We gotta go help him!" exclaimed Candice.

"Yeah, let's go!" called Hunter.

"Guys, come back!" called Cena. "We don't need to do this! We're free, remember?"

"Aw, we might as well join em." Shawn said disappointedly.

"Damn." Cena muttered.

When they reached him at the pole, blood was all over the floor.

"There it is. His rotting corpse." Jeff announced.

"What a way to go." said Hunter.

"BOOYAH!" Jericho cried, popping out of the ground!

"AAAAAAHHH!" everyone shouted.

"You're alive!" exclaimed Mickie. "Then, what-?" she asked, pointing to Jericho and the pole.

"It's a stunt dummy. You see, he stalled you guys while I hid down this escape hatch the whole time. I finally did it. I scared the crap outta you guys, haha!" he laughed crazily.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" demanded Orton.

"You see what he does?" demanded Cena. "And you guys wanted to help him. Unbelievable!"

"Haha. Ok, so after that, today's -uh, tonight's theme should be fun. We're doing a horror theme!" he announced.

"Sweet." Jeff said with a smile.

"Ok, the first challenge is gonna be a scream off! Each team needs to choose one member of their team to try and scare members of your team the most. There's gonna be a Shriek-o-meter here, and basically whichever team screams the loudest will win! Let's get this party started. Boy, I'm awesome." Jericho said, walking off.

"All right, you guys. Who wants to scare us?" asked John.

"I will." Shawn and Hunter said at the same time.

"All right, I'll be nice. You do it." said Hunter.

"Naw, you do it." replied Shawn.

"You...do...it." Hunter replied slowly.

"And I told you to do it." Shawn replied.

"I'll do it!" Mickie exclaimed quickly.

"All right, now someone needs to scare us and scare us good. Who's up?" demanded Randy.

Instead of listening to him, Melina, Kelly, and Jeff all glared at Michelle.

"What?" she demanded. "You want me to scare you guys? Fine!" she exclaimed, walking off.

"Ok, what the hell's wrong NOW?" demanded Randy.

"None of your business, Orton." Jeff replied, walking off along with his friends.

* * *

><p>Later, both Orton and Hunter were at a forest minding their own business, but would they be scared?<p>

"Aw, great, I'm stuck here with you." Hunter said dully.

"No picnic being with you, either." Orton replied. "Besides, I'm sure Michelle's gonna scare the crap outta me, even though I'm not afraid of anything. But my team's gonna beat the crap outta yours!"

"Oh, really?" asked Hunter. "I'm not afraid of anything either, but-"

"Not afraid? Did you forget that you were eliminated after last year's horror challenge?" asked Orton. "Seems pretty babyish to me, haha."

"Oh, shut up, will ya?" he demanded.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Orton laughed crazily.

Then, Michelle came out of nowhere, jumped Orton, and held a pretend blade to his throat.

"Michelle! How was that supposed to scare me?" he demanded.

"What? Who wouldn't be scared having a blade being held by their throat?" she argued.

"Hahaha." laughed Hunter. " Nice one, Orton. Now, I got a little tiny bit scared that one time last year, but it'll never happen again-OH MY GOD!" he screamed as Sledgie was being tossed towards a tree.

"Did I scare you?" Mickie asked, joining them.

"SLEDGIE!" he cried. "How dare you, Mickie?"

"I had to scare you somehow! I'm sorry!" she exclaimed.

"Here I am!" announced Jericho with the Shriek-o-meter. "And after Hunter's little outburst, Team Smackdown wins the first round!" he exclaimed.

"Michelle..." growled Randy.

"It's not my fault you can't scream like a normal person!" she argued.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T SCREAM LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M DOING NOW?" he shouted.

"Why couldn't you do that 3 minutes ago?" demanded Michelle.

"Well...we won." Mickie said with a weak smile. "Yay."

"Sledgie..." Hunter sobbed.

* * *

><p>Round 2...<p>

Shawn and Melina had to hide in an outhouse, but who would be scared next?

"An outhouse! Why of all places do we have to hide in an OUTHOUSE, I tell ya!" Shawn exclaimed.

Melina just looked into space.

"Hey, Mel? You ok?" he asked.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine, Shawn." she replied.

"Dear God, look what you're doing to the wall." he said, pointing to where she clawed out part of the wall.

"Oops, my bad." she replied. "I'm just upset about Michelle. She's pulled off a lot of crap lately, and I gotta stop her before she hurts anyone else."

"Wow. Well, knowing you, you'll do the job." he said with a smile.

"Aww, thanks!" she said gratefully.

"No problem. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go pee. Be right back." he said, going into a stall.

For a few minutes, Melina paced the room, thinking about what she should say to Michelle. Then...

*BOOM!*

"AAAAAAAHHH!" Melina shouted as she was trapped in a net.

Then, Michelle poked her head in the room, carrying a net gun. "Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in." she said.

"I'm SO gonna finish you, Michelle!" Melina exclaimed, trying to chase after her, but the net made her trip and fall. "OW!"

"Hahahaha!" she laughed, walking away.

Meanwhile, Mickie had no clue that Shawn was still behind one of the stalls. She checked each one, but found no one, but then approached his. She kicked open the door and...

He whipped around. "Mickie!" he shouted.

She covered her eyes. "Shawn! Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed.

"I-It's ok. I'm not mad at you, but please remember to never barge in on a man behind a stall." he told her.

She blushed. "Ok." she said meekly.

"Yello." Jericho announced, coming in next. "Well, according to the Shriek-o-meter, Melina screamed the loudest, so Team Raw wins the second round!"

"LET ME OUTTA HERE!" Melina shouted, still trapped in the net.

"Next round is the couples round. Both killers have to try to scare each couple while they have to make out. This should be exciting." Jericho said, walking off.

* * *

><p>Round 3...<p>

Jeff and Kelly, and John and Candice were paired up while they all waited by these picnic tables by their team's trailers...

"So, says here that we have to make out." Kelly said with a smile. "I don't have a problem with that, do you?"

"No, I'm up for that." Jeff said quickly, making out with her.

"So, we have to make out, too." Candice said shyly.

"Yeah. I know we agreed to be just friends, no further than that, and we're only doing this for our team." agreed John.

"Right, only for our team." she agreed.

Then, they looked into each other's eyes and leaned in for a kiss, when...

*BONK!*

"OW!" John and Candice cried at the same time.

"What the?" asked John.

"Damn, it didn't work." Mickie said from behind a tree.

"Mickie, why'd you throw a...plastic vampire bat at us?" John asked meekly.

"I tried to scare you guys. Sorry." she said meekly.

While Jeff and Kelly continued to make out, water balloons came out of nowhere and suddenly attacked them.

*SPLASH!*

"OH!" they both cried.

"Aw, come on, that didn't scare you?" demanded Michelle, coming from behind a trailer.

Then, they glared at her.

"And what the hell happened? I thought you two hated each other." she continued.

"We know what you did." Jeff said darkly. "I've said this before, and I'll say it in front of your face. You are a self centered, stuck up little brat!"

"Jeff, how could you?" Michelle asked in a mock surprised voice. "I thought we were friends!"

"We used to be friends. But after what you did, not anymore." he replied. "And one other thing. Give me back the money you stole from me."

She stormed up to him. "Make me." she replied.

Then out of nowhere, Kelly jumped her, sending her to the ground.

"How dare you? You might have manipulated us before, but we're not gonna let it happen again!" Kelly cried, attempting to keep her down.

After that, Chef Big Show, dressed in a Michael Myers mask with a blade as long as Jason Vorhees', leaped out of the bushes and charged towards everyone.

Kelly and Michelle stopped fighting and watched the scene, while Mickie, Candice, and John all screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" they screamed.

Then, Mickie was scared so much, that she fell into unconsciousness!

A few minutes later, everyone was back at the main set, with a still unconscious Mickie.

"She's out like a light." said Shawn.

"Yo, Mickie?" called Hunter.

Silence.

"Mickie!" called Melina.

Silence.

"So, what are we gonna do about her?" asked John.

"I got this." said Kelly. "Mickie this is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you."

Then, to everyone's surprise, she slapped her across the face and then she woke up!

"OW!" she cried. "Kelly!"

"Sorry, but I only did it to help you." she replied.

"Ok." she replied.

"Well, now that she's awake, both teams are tied at the moment." said Jericho.

"Hey! Candice and I screamed, why didn't our team win that extra point?" demanded Cena.

"Because, you parasites didn't get scared by Mickie, but all three of you got freaked out by Big Show. So it doesn't count. Now, let's move on to our second challenge." he announced.

* * *

><p>Later, they all met up in a deserted part of the lot...<p>

"Ok, I need to have a chat with Team Raw. So, Team Smackdown, go away until I call you again." he said.

"But why do-" began Hunter.

"GET LOST!" screamed Jericho.

They scurried away.

"Ok, Team Raw. You guys have your own separate challenge, and here it is. Once upon a time, about 75 years ago, there was this old movie lot guard. He was well known around these parts, had a lot of friends, and they all called him Wheezin' Ed. On account of his respiratory problems, but that's a different story. Anyways, one night, he was working on his night shift. He was alone in that office over there when...it happened." he said dramatically.

Silence.

Jericho looked back at them.

"Aw, GET ON WITH IT!" exclaimed Randy.

"ALL RIGHT! Jeez! Anyways, that very night, Wheezin' Ed was minding his own business when a masked man suddenly broke into his office! Ed didn't know what to do, so he tried to fight him off, but he was no match for the enemy. Before he knew it, the masked man cornered him, whipped out his chainsaw and sawed Ed in half. Every April 21st, which is tonight, Ed's ghost returns to the place where he was brutally murdered, to seek his revenge on whoever did this to him." he finished.

More silence.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" everyone except for Randy laughed.

"Listen, will you stop wasting our time and just tell us what we have to do?" he asked dully.

"Fine, don't believe me! Anyways, your challenge is to stay inside the office where he was murdered, and not one of you can leave. If you do, you lose. And here, you also get these ghost detecting devices to find out where ol' Wheezin' Ed's hiding." he said, handing them some things.

Soon, the gang entered the dark office while Jericho said, "Good luck. And who knows? He might get you while you're least expecting it. Be warned, my fellow hypocrites, hahaha." he closed the door behind him.

"Wow, another goofy idea thought up by the one and only Chris Jericho." Jeff said dully. "What are we supposed to do now? I mean, you guys don't believe that crap he said, did you?"

"No—nope." they agreed.

"Well, as the team leader, I forbid anyone from leaving this place for any reason whatsoever! I don't care what it is, we can't afford another loss!" exclaimed Randy. "Hi, Melina." he said randomly.

She giggled. "Hi, Randy." she replied, half smiling.

Michelle growled at her.

Jeff and Kelly looked at each other in surprise.

"Wow, Mel, you really do like him." said Jeff. "You of all people like...him."

"Why?" asked Kelly.

"We're just friends, you guys. I know I never got to tell you this, but he was the one who fixed my necklace." she said.

"I'm awesome." Orton replied.

"Orton? You actually did something nice for someone?" Jeff asked, shocked. "...Who are you?"

"I'm still the same Randy Orton who's better than you in just about anything." he replied.

"Wow, I think all the times I kicked your ass inside and outside the ring made you delusional." Jeff replied.

Kelly laughed while Randy glared at him.

"Melina, we need to talk." said Michelle.

"What the hell do you want?" she demanded.

"Come with me." she said, leading her into another room. "Ok, listen to me, and listen good. You keep your little paws off of Randy. He's with me, not you, all right?"

She broke away from her. "Ok, I happen to be grateful for what he did for me, and I'm giving him a second chance. He's been really cool lately, and uh, he's not complaining about it!" she exclaimed. "And you listen to me. Just because John dumped you, and I'm glad he finally did, doesn't mean you have to make everyone else miserable. You tried to screw up Jeff and Kelly's relationship, and I think you've been messing around with Cena and Candice. It's really sad. Just when he finds someone who he's happy with, you have to ruin everything." Melina exclaimed.

"Are you done?" asked Michelle.

"No. Michelle, I've never liked you. Back when I was a heel, and you were face, I've never liked you. Even now, when things between us are the other way around, I've never liked you, and I never will." she replied. "And now, I'm with Randy, the only one left here who even gives a damn about you."

Then, Michelle clocked her in the face!

"You bitch." Michelle said darkly.

Melina shook herself off. "Ok. I'm just glad I got to say what I had to say. Now if you excuse me, I need to join my friends." she said, walking out.

Then, Michelle tackled her to the ground, and the two girls fought into the main office where everyone else was.

"Whoa!" cried Randy.

"Get her!" cheered Jeff.

"You go, girl!" cheered Kelly.

"Catfight!" exclaimed Randy. "Uh, any chance either of you could get naked?"

They stopped fighting and looked at him. "NO!" they both cried.

* * *

><p>Outside, Jericho managed to find Team Smackdown again and told them their part of the challenge...<p>

"All right, you guys. You have your own challenge, too. You see, I told Team Raw in there about this old dude that got 'murdered' about 75 years ago, right? I told them that every April 21st, his spirit comes back to seek revenge on whoever murdered him, and they're scared silly in that office! Your job is to scare the entire team out of there. Spook them, try any ideas you have. If they run out, they lose and you guys win. Have fun, my parasites!" Jericho said with a sick smile.

"I swear, if he calls us that again, I'm gonna-" began Shawn.

"Never mind Jericho. We need to win this contest, you guys." said John. "Any ideas?"

"I got one!" exclaimed Hunter. "This one's classic. Why don't we try one of those magic tricks, you know, the one where you make something float by itself."

"All right, how does it work?" asked Cena.

"Hell if I know. I was just hoping someone else knew." he replied.

A few minutes later, they set up a drawstring with Big Show's boot attached to it.

"Well, it may not float on its own, but it'll sure as heck scare them." said Shawn.

Only, the window to the office was closed, and the horrible scent of the boot turned the glass green, and then bounced off and whiffed back to the team.

"WHOA!" they all cried, backing away.

"We were supposed to scare them, not kill them!" exclaimed John.

Inside, the girls were still fighting while Orton finally had to break them up...

"ALL RIGHT, BREAK IT UP!" he exclaimed, pulling them apart.

"I wasn't finished with her!" exclaimed Melina.

"Ok, as much as I'd love to see the rest of that fight, we still got a contest to win." he replied.

"Hey, what about these things Jericho gave us?" Kelly asked, holding up a ghost tracker.

"Oh yeah. What were we supposed to do with those, anyway?" asked Jeff.

"We were supposed to track down ghosts with these or something." replied Melina. "Like there's any such things as ghosts."

Then, Orton gave everyone a tracker and said, "Split up. If you find anything funny, say something. Now, go!" he exclaimed.

It was a small office, so everyone could only search one corner of the room.

"Business is booming." Jeff said dully.

Outside...

"Ok, I got another idea." said Candice.

"Yeah, Candy-uh, Candice?" John asked nervously.

"I've seen this in a movie once. Let's make some fake blood, and make it run down the walls and the window and stuff like that. I'm sure it'll work." she explained.

"Great idea!" exclaimed Hunter. "But where are we gonna get the fake blood?"

"Uh, hold on." Mickie said quickly, speeding away.

"...Where'd she go?" asked Shawn.

A few seconds later, she sped back with a huge jar of red stuff.

"Whoa, you got it! From where, though?" asked Candice.

"I, uh, just found it lying around. Hehe." she said nervously. "It's fruit punch."

Her team just looked at her.

"Ok, then." replied John.

Inside...

"Wow, this is such a waste of time." Jeff said dully, still looking for 'ghosts'. "These things don't even work-hello."

"What's up, Jeff?" asked Kelly.

"You guys gotta check this." he said, surprised.

Everyone gathered around to see what was going on.

"Whoa." everyone except for Randy said as they saw the 'blood' run down the walls and the window.

"Is that...blood?" Melina asked, surprised.

"Wait just a damn minute here." Orton said, storming up and tasting the blood.

"Dude!-Gross-!" they all called.

"Calm down, will ya? It's just fruit punch. Tastes like crap, by the way." he replied.

"Wonder where that came from." Michelle said, walking off.

Outside...

"I can't believe it didn't work." Candice replied. "What else can we do?"

Then, they turned around and looked at Mickie.

"What?" she asked.

"Do you have any ideas?" asked John.

"Uh...yeah, I do." she said finally. "We could...use the ghost of the guy to scare them out!"

"How are we gonna do that?" asked Hunter.

"Uh...someone could pretend to be the ghost, spook them, and they'll come running out! And...and whoever pretends to be the ghost could wear makeup to make them look dead! Yeah! What do you think?" she asked, secretly wearing an earpiece to where Big Show was telling her what to say.

"Sounds just crazy enough to work. Good thinking, Mickie." said John. "So, who's gonna be the ghost?"

Everyone looked at him.

"...Of course." he replied dully.

Inside...

"Well, I'm done." Melina said, tossing her ghost device away.

"I wonder what happened to the other team, anyway." said Kelly.

"I hope Jericho didn't plan anything stupid, like trap us here while he gives them a celebration." replied Jeff.

"If he did do that, I'll RKO his ass to Timbuktu!" exclaimed Randy.

"Timbuktu?" asked Michelle.

"You know what I mean!" he replied.

Suddenly...

*CRASH!*

"What was that?" demanded Melina.

*BOOM!*

"Someone's in here with us!" exclaimed Kelly.

"Then, we'll attack." replied Randy. "Everyone, stay behind me."

As he led them into the only other room in the office, the ghost (who was Cena in disguise) flew in from a string and charged towards everyone!  
>"AAH!" they screamed.<p>

Then, while swinging back and forth, he was starting to get seasick.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

John: "Believe me, air swinging from a 10 ft roof is not fun *gags* trust me."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>After that, he turned green and couldn't help but to heave.<p>

"AAAH!" everyone exclaimed, speeding out of the office.

"Yes!" cried Team Raw.

"Great plan, Mickie!" exclaimed Candice, giving her a hug.

"Yeah, thanks, hehe." she giggled nervously.

"Well, finally!" exclaimed Jericho. "Ok, Raw got their asses scared outta there, so Smackdown, you win today's challenge!"

"WHOOO!" everyone except for Mickie cheered.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Randy screamed at Jeff.

"What? I didn't do anything!" he exclaimed.

"I know, I just don't like you." Orton replied.

"Yeah, I don't like you, either." he said, shoving him into a tree.

At the elimination ceremony...

"Ok, Team Raw. You know the drill. Use your voting thingies and let's get someone the hell outta here!" he exclaimed.

A few minutes later.

"All right, the results are in. When I call your name, grab an award. Randy."

"Hell yeah!" he exclaimed, snatching an award.

"Kelly."

"Awesome!" she cheered, grabbing an award.

"And Melina."  
>"Sweet!" she exclaimed.<p>

"And ladies and gentlemen, here are your bottom two." he announced.

Jeff looked shocked. "What? How could I be in the bottom two?" he demanded.

"Well..." Randy said with a smile.

"Haha." chuckled Michelle.

"I should've known." he replied.

"Ok, and the person going home is..."

"WAIT!" called a voice.

Everyone whipped around to find Mickie rushing to them, with Team Smackdown on her tail.

"Mickie, what the hell are you doing?" asked Hunter.

"Listen, don't vote them off, eliminate me." she replied.

Everyone gasped.

"I've been keeping this secret for a while, but I can't keep it anymore. For a few weeks, I've had a secret alliance with Big Show. He made a deal that if I stayed and won the million dollars, he'd help me out with the challenges. So, if I'd win, I'd split the money with him." she said on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry, I really am, you guys."

"So, we really haven't been winning on our own?" asked John.

"Well, yeah, just with a little help." she replied.

"Wait, Mickie, why'd you tell them?" Big Show demanded, joining them.

"No, I can't do this anymore! This deal's off, ok? And if you guys hate me now, I'd understand." she said sadly.

"Mickie, we'd never hate you!" exclaimed Kelly.

"Yeah, we're your friends!" agreed Melina.

"And you meant to do the right thing, so it wasn't all bad." added Shawn.

"Yeah, let's vote off Big Show instead, for starting all this." announced Jeff.

"WHAT?" he demanded.

"No, listen, you guys. I appreciate what you're doing, but I did the wrong thing, so I have to go." she replied. "Don't worry, I'll still be on the sidelines cheering you guys on."

After her team and the other team, minus Orton and Michelle, said their goodbyes, she went into the Lambo of suckers.

"WAIT!" called Hunter. "So that was you who made all that food taste good?"

"YEAH!" she called back.

Then, he ran and tried to stop the Lambo while it drove off. "NOOOOOOOOO!" he cried.

"Hunter, what are you doing?" asked Shawn.

"Our gold mine to good food just left." he said sadly.

"Well, don't fret, my friend." said Jericho. "You'll still have some good food next week."

He brightened up. "Really? What?"

"My cooking." Big Show said with an evil smile.

"Uhh..." Hunter slumped to the ground in disappointment.


	17. Episode 13

Total WWE Action!: How To Avoid Disaster

Episode 13

"What's up, my Jerichoholics? This is the codebreaker, Chris Jericho here with another crazy week on TWA coming up next! Last week, after I scared the crap outta those hypocrites, I announced the next challenge as a horror theme! The first contest was a scream off, where each member of their team had to make their other team members scream as loud as they could to win. In round 1, Hunter and Orton were at each other's throats when Michelle failed to scare Orton, and Mickie threw Hunter's beloved Sledgie, freaking him out! In round 2, it was Shawn and Melina's turn to get scared, where Melina was attacked by a net gun from her enemy, Michelle, and Shawn got a surprise after Mickie suddenly broke in his stall! Round 3 was the couples round, where Jeff and Kelly and Cena and Candice were next. Mickie tried to scare Candy and Cena, but it was no luck. Meanwhile, Michelle surprised Jeff and Kelly with a few water balloons, and that's when the confrontation began. Jeff told off Michelle, and Kelly beat the crud outta her! Then, out of nowhere, Chef Big Show, armed with a blade was headed towards everyone! Cena and Candy got frightened, but it was Mickie who was scared out of her wit the most. The second challenge was a challenge to see if Team Smackdown could remain in the office that belonged to ol' Wheezin Ed, while Team Raw had to try everything in their power to scare them out. Melina finally had her word with Michelle, but it obviously ended up in a catfight, haha! and Team Raw tried everything they could to break them out, but it was no use. Until they looked to Mickie, who suggested that they use the ghost of Wheezin Ed to scare them. Guess who played the ghost? Inside, Cena, as Wheezin Ed, managed to scare the piss outta Team Smackdown, sending the win to Team Raw! At the elimination ceremony, it was down to either Jeff or Michelle to go home, but Mickie came in with a shocking confession-she was in an alliance with Big Show! As everyone found out that she was potentially cheating for herself and her team, she volunteered to be eliminated next. Everyone wanted for her to stay, but it was already said and done. This week, will Michelle be at it again? Will Randy and Melina get closer? And will the feud between Shawn and Hunter finally end? Find out this week on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>Everyone was in the cafeteria, enjoying a nice breakfast...<p>

Randy and Melina were at one table, joking around while everyone looked in shock.

"I still can't believe those two are together." said Jeff. "Melina deserves way better than...him."

"The only person who deserves him is that evil Michelle back there." Kelly said, glaring at her.

"Yeah, they're perfect for each other." he agreed.

"Hey, guys, what's going on?" asked Hunter.

"Check out who's hooking up." said Jeff.

"THEM? Again?" he asked in surprise.

"Yeah, doesn't she remember what he did to her last time they were together?" asked Shawn, joining them.

"I guess she gave him another chance. He better not hurt her again." Kelly replied.

At their table...

"So, Melina. Check out these guns." Orton said, showing off his muscles. "Pretty hot, huh?"

She touched his arm. "Ooh, hehe. You really do work out a lot, huh?" she asked, blushing.

"Only 10 times a day, 7 days a week." he replied.

"Cool." she said dreamily.

"So, what do you say later we-" he began, catching everyone staring at them. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STARING AT? MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!" he screamed.

Everyone turned away.

"You never need a megaphone with that guy around." announced Shawn.

Meanwhile, John and Candice were at a table together, but would anything happen between them?

"...So he says, 'You want me to shove my fist down your throat?', and I say, 'Oh yeah, you want an ass full of foot?', and then he tried to swing a punch at me and then I countered with an FU. Never saw that moron again." said Cena.

"Haha!" laughed Candice. "You're funny."

"Well, I uh, try my best." he replied. "So, what's been going on with you?"

"Nothing much. How about you?" she asked.

"Same here." he replied.

Then, there was an awkward silence while they looked at each other with nothing to say.

"So..." began Candice.

"Yeah..." began John. "Food's crappier than usual today."

"Yeah, I know. If we've known that Mickie was making Big Show's 'delicacies' better, we would've never let her leave." she replied.

"She was awesome! It's too bad she had to go." he agreed.

Then, he accidentally knocked her drink over.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, Candice. Here, let me clean this for you." he said.

"No, it's ok. I'll clean it." she replied.

While they both cleaned the mess up, their hands accidentally touched.

"Oh!" they both blushed. "Sorry."

Then, they both laughed.

Meanwhile, an angry Michelle watched everything from a table in a dark corner...

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Michelle: "Look at them. So happy. I think I'm gonna puke. That prissy Candice stole John from me, and Melina! She thinks that she can ruin my plans, fight me, AND lure Randy away from me? I'll worry about Candice later. Right now, I've just about had it with Melina. I'm gonna do something drastic to her, but I don't know what yet."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"What's good, my hypocrites?" asked Jericho, arriving next.<p>

"Hey, you're not wearing a stupid outfit today!" exclaimed John.

"Yeah, so that means we're not doing anything today, right?" asked Hunter.

"WRONG!" he replied. "Guess what this week's theme is!"

"A theme where we get to bury you up to your head and then stomp on it?" asked Shawn.

Everyone laughed.

"Not funny, Michaels!" he cried. "Anyways, your theme for this week is a disaster theme! You got two exciting challenges today, and luckily for you parasites, no one's going home this week."

"WHOO!" they cheered.

"YEAH, yeah, yeah!" he said grumpily. "So, let's head over to our first challenge, shall we?"

Later, they headed to this huge place with stunts and things everywhere.

"All righty. Your first challenge is an..." he began.

"Obstacle course." everyone finished dully.

"Contain yourselves." he said sarcastically.

"Dude, you give us an obstacle course every damn week!" exclaimed Jeff. "Can't you ever change it up a little?"

"All right, I promise, I'll do something different next time." he replied.

"Really?" he asked.

"No." replied Jericho.

Jeff glared at him.

"Ok, now this course is called, 'The Quake of Doom!' the obstacles in the course are pretty self explanatory, and your goal is to reach the top of Death Hill way over there. The team who reaches the top first, wins! Everyone get ready for some injuries, haha!" he finished.

As both teams were at the starting line, they had a pep talk first.

"Ok, you guys. I know there are only four of us left, but we can still win this as long as we stick together." said John.

Then, he and Candice looked at Hunter and Shawn.

Hunter quickly turned his head to look at Shawn.

"What? What are you looking at me for?" he demanded.

"We're looking at both of you." said John.

"Yeah, I hope you guys aren't gonna argue again." agreed Candice. "If you do, we're screwed."

"Well, I won't screw anything up." Hunter said confidently. "Will you?" he asked Shawn.

"No way! Hey, don't you look at me like I'm lying!" he exclaimed.

"How do I know you're not lying?" asked Hunter.

"I don't know, maybe YOU'RE lying!" exclaimed Shawn.

"What could I lie about?" demanded Hunter.

"I don't know! Something!" he argued back.

Candice and Cena sighed.

"Yeah, great job, you guys." John said dully.

"Ok, team. We stick together during this thing." said Randy. "If you fall behind, don't expect us to stop for you. If anyone makes us lose, except for you, Melina, you're outta here! Got it?" he exclaimed, looking at Jeff.

"Why are you staring at me like that? You think I'm gonna make us lose?" he demanded.

"Well, YEAH! If you and Kelly go into La-la land, we're gonna lose for sure! And be warned, both of you'd be on the chopping block." he replied.  
>"That's great, Randy. Just one thing. No one's leaving today, so you'd be smart to take back what you said. And think about next week. If someone does go home, Jeff and I could both vote for you, and since you'd get two votes out of the five of us, you'd possibly be going home next." Kelly said with a smile. "Okay?"<p>

He just growled at them. "Just don't screw this up, both of you." he replied.

Jeff chuckled. "Nice one, Kel!" he exclaimed, giving his girlfriend a kiss. "You really pissed him off, haha."

She giggled. "I guess I did, didn't I?" she smiled.

Soon, the race was about to begin...

"Ok, you guys, ready...set...DON'T DIE!" he exclaimed, blowing an air horn.

* * *

><p>Both teams raced off towards the first station, which was a huge wall that was about 20ft tall.<p>

"How do we get past that?" asked Candice.

"Hmm." thought Shawn. "Hey, how about we use these to get us across, you know, like one of those pole vaulters in the Olympics?" he asked, holding up four long poles.

"Great idea, Shawn." said John. "Ok, on 3, we all jump at the same time. 1..2..3!"

Then, the four of them were able to leap over the wall at the same time!

"GERONIMOOOO!" cried Shawn.

"Damn it, they're in the lead! Ok, how the hell are we gonna do this?" demanded Orton.

"Ok, listen up." interrupted Michelle. "We stand on each other's shoulders, and whoever's the closest to the top, climbs up first."

Jeff, Kelly, and Melina glared at her, but Orton said, "I like it. We follow Michelle's plan."

She smiled proudly while Melina snarled at her.

Soon, Melina was at the top, followed by Michelle, followed by Randy, followed by Kelly, followed by Jeff.

"Aw, why do I have to be at the bottom?" he complained.

When Melina was about to climb, Orton said, 'Be careful, Mel!"

Then, Michelle got angry and shoved Melina over the other side!

"AAAAAAHHHH!" she screamed.

But Michelle and everyone else ended up flying over the edge, too!

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" cried everyone.

"...Ow. Any more bright ideas, Michelle?" Jeff asked dully.

"No time for small talk. Let's MOVE!" called Orton.

Both teams continued to race (Smackdown was in the lead) until there was a rumbling that came out of nowhere.

"AAAHHH!" cried everyone.

"What the hell's going on?" demanded Hunter.

"It-It looks like an earthquake!" exclaimed John. "Whatever you do, hang on and don't stop for anything!"

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Jericho: "Those suckers really believe there's an earthquake going on. But there's really an underground generator that's causing all the madness. This is only the least of their problems, haha."

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>After a few minutes, they reached the second obstacle, which was a rolling log that was over a dark hole.<p>

Melina leaped on it first. "AAH!" she shouted, clinging onto the log for dear life.

"Melina!" cried Kelly.

"Hang in there!" called Jeff.

"Fall!" called Michelle.

"Just crawl across, Mel, and we'll follow you." said Orton.

"Ok!" she called, crawling across the log. After a few minutes, everyone followed her and made it over to the other side.

On Smackdown's side...

"Well, this doesn't look so bad." John cried, leaping over to the log.

"John, wait!" called Candice. "I don't think that's a good..."

"OW!"

"...idea." she finished.

"Let's just climb across it like the other team did." said Hunter. "There's no other way."

"All righty, let's go people!" exclaimed Shawn.

Now, Team Raw took the lead while Smackdown was doing their best to catch up.

After dodging the horrible earthquake, Smackdown suddenly got the lead and reached the third obstacle, which was a sandbox.

"You're joking, right?" asked Hunter. "Big...whoop!"

"Don't complain, just go through with it." said Cena, leading the group across. "See? Isn't this easy?"

Then, they suddenly noticed that they were slowly sinking beneath the stuff!

"Uh, guys?" asked Shawn. "We fell into a pit of quicksand."

"Ok, we're screwed." replied Hunter.

On Raw's side, they found the quicksand, too...

They all ran across, but then landed right in the middle of the stuff!

"Yuck!" cried Melina. "What is this stuff?"

"Quicksand." replied Jeff. "Jericho must've tricked us into thinking that this stuff was regular sand."

"Ok, just ignore the stuff and let's keep moving!" replied Orton.

Back on Smackdown's side, they had to come up with a way to get themselves out of the mess...

"Any ideas, you guys?" asked Candice, who was sinking. "Or else we're all gonna end up dead?"

"Wait, Jericho couldn't let us die." said John. "Or else he'd get sued, and he wouldn't want that. There's gotta be a trick somewhere."

"Hey, wait." said Hunter. "My foot ran over something down there. It's-it's kinda like a...plug."

"Hey, you might be onto something." said Shawn. "If that's there, then it's probably connected to a drain."

"And if we unplug it..." added Candice.

"The quicksand's gonna go and we can get the hell outta here!" exclaimed Cena.

"I got this." Hunter said, trying to unplug the drain. After a few minutes, he managed to do it!

*PLOP!*

"YEAH!" everyone cheered as the stuff went down.

"Great work, you guys!" exclaimed John. "Let's keep going!"

"They've got the lead again!" exclaimed Michelle.

"Forget it. We're almost towards the end." said Orton.

Orton and Michelle managed to climb through to the end, but Melina, Jeff, and Kelly were still struggling.

Randy held out his hand. "I got you, Melina."

"Randy! Just leave her!" exclaimed Michelle. "You said that we don't stop for anyone!"

He didn't hear her. "I gotcha." he told Melina.

She smiled and grabbed his hand. "Thanks, Randy." she said gratefully. "Come on, you guys!" she called to Jeff and Kelly.

"I'm almost there." he announced. "How about you, Kel?"

Then, they both turned around to find her sinking under the stuff. "You guys!" she cried.

"Kelly!" Jeff and Melina cried in terror.

"I got you, Kel! Just grab my hand, and we'll get outta here, ok?" he asked.

"Forget about me! Save yourselves!" she cried, being buried up to her neck.

"I'm not leaving without you, Kelly! It's gonna be all right, we're gonna get outta here." Jeff said calmly, holding out his hand.

Kelly managed to grab his hand, and he led them both to where Melina was at the edge. "I got you guys!" she called.

"Melina, we gotta go!" called Orton from a distance.

"I need to save my friends! We'll be right there!" she called back.

After a few seconds, Melina grabbed Jeff's other hand and soon, the two of them were free!

"Thanks, Mel!" Kelly cried, hugging her.

"Yeah, we appreciate it." agreed Jeff, hugging them both.

"No problem." she replied with a smile. "I couldn't leave two of my best friends."

"Uh, HELLO!" called Orton. "We are SOOOO far behind! COME ON!"

* * *

><p>Later, Team Smackdown was clearly in the lead, with Team Raw trying as hard as they could to catch up. But who'd make it to the top first?<p>

"Hey, there's Death Hill!" exclaimed Candice.

"Sweet! We're in the clear!" John said with a smile.

As they began running up the hill, Big Show came from out of nowhere and splashed this huge container of spicy hot sauce down the hill, which was about 150 degrees.

"It's my treat! Scorching hot lava!" he called to them. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"AAH" they all screamed, being drenched in the stuff.

"IT BURNS, IT BURNS!" cried Shawn.

"Just fight it, you guys!" exclaimed John. "He's messing with us, he only wants us to lose. But we gotta outsmart him. We never give up, right?"

"NO!" they all cried.

"Then let's move!" he cried, charging up the hill.

Then, Jericho joined Big Show at the top and threw baseballs covered in white paint towards them.

"OW!" they cried.

"How about a little hail, my dudes?" he called. "We rock."

"Five up top." Big Show said, holding up his hand.

Jericho held up his hand and then put it back down. "Ooh, you just got served! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Meanwhile, Raw somehow managed to meet up with Team Smackdown...

"YEAH!" they cheered, catching up.

Then, the lava and the hail suddenly drenched them.

"That's great!" Jeff said sarcastically, signaling a thumbs up.

"Never mind this stuff! Let's GO!" called Orton.

As both teams raced to the top, Jericho told Big Show, "GET THOSE STINKIN' HYPOCRITES!"

Then, Jericho furiously threw baseballs towards them, while Big Show threw random objects at them.

"Almost there, you guys!" called John.

"There's no turning back now!" exclaimed Randy. "Let's finish this!"

Both teams were about to reach the finish line at the top, when Big Show threw a shovel down, hitting Hunter square in the jaw.

"AAH!" he cried, falling to the ground.

"Hunter!" called his team.

"You all right, man?" asked Cena.

He was covering his mouth, where there was blood spewing out.

"Oh, my God!" cried Candice.

"My jaw!" he cried in pain.

As Raw crossed the finish line, they realized that Hunter was in trouble.

They rushed to him.

"Hunter, you all right?" asked Jeff.

"What happened?" asked Kelly.

"Nothing, you guys. I'm fine-OW!" he cried, holding his bleeding mouth. "Ok, it was Big Show's fault!"

"Why'd you do that to him?" demanded Melina.

"Yeah, a shovel, man? Are you stupid?" asked Shawn.

"Hey, I was only doing my job." Big Show replied.

"He needs to go to a hospital." said John.

"Really, I'll be fine. All I need is a little ice and I'll be-aw, damn it, get me to an ER!" he cried.

"Why should I?" asked Jericho. "He was in the wrong place."

"If you don't do anything for him, you're gonna get sued." said Shawn. "And I'm sure you don't want that."

Jericho looked at him for a second. "Big Show, get him to a hospital."

"But-"

"NOW!" he cried.

He sighed. "Fine. Come on." he said, grabbing his arm.

"Don't touch me!" Hunter snapped.

* * *

><p>Later, Hunter was at the hospital, and everyone was anxious for the results...<p>

"I really hope he's ok." said Candice.

"I can't believe Big Show threw a shovel at him. That was uncalled for!" exclaimed Melina.

Then, Jericho came back with a cell phone. "Well, hypocrites, I'm back." he announced.

"No one gives a damn that you're back. We just want to know how Hunter's doing." said Jeff.

"Well, he wants to tell you himself. Listen." he said, holding up the phone.

_"What's up, you guys?"_ he asked in a muffled voice.

"Hi-Hey, Hunter-what's up?" everyone greeted.

"So, what's going on with you?" asked Kelly.

_"Well, turns out that I have a broken jaw. They said it'd heal in about four to six weeks, but I can meet back with you guys in a couple of hours."_ he replied.

"That's great to hear, man. Hey, what's up with your voice? It sounds muffled." said John.

_"It's a combo. They wired my jaw shut, and they gave me some novacane to get rid of the pain. Point is, I should be fine."_ he replied. _"And Team Smackdown, don't think you've lost another member. I'll come back with a vengeance and this team's gonna go places."_ he replied.

"WHOO!" they cheered.

"Hey, can I have a word with him?" asked Shawn.

"All right." said Jericho. "Hunter, say goodbye to everyone cause I'm gonna put you on the line with your ex-DX compadre."

_"All right, see you guys later."_ he told everyone.

"Feel better-bye-later!" they replied.

After Jericho gave Shawn the phone, he stepped into the guys' trailer for some peace and quiet.

"Hey, Hunter." he said.

"_What's up, man?" _he asked.

"I'm, uh, just glad you're doing ok." he said sincerely.

"_Thanks. I'm glad, too_." he replied.

"Listen, about this little rivalry going on-" he began.

"_Hold on. I know where you're going. You want this to end too, huh?" _asked Hunter.

"Yeah, I mean, we've been at each other's throats for about 7 weeks now." he said.

"That's a long time. I mean, we're supposed to be friends, man. A team, not enemies." he replied.

"Can't argue with ya there, haha." chuckled Shawn. "Hunter, I'm sorry I started everything."

"No, I started it. It's my fault. I'm sorry I'm always putting you down." he apologized.

"And I'm sorry I never listen to your ideas and stuff like that. So, are we cool again?" asked Shawn.

"..."

"Hunter?" he asked.

"Ice cool." he replied with a laugh.

* * *

><p>Later that day, Jericho took the gang where this huge submarine was...<p>

"All right, parasites, this is your second challenge, the sinky submarine madness challenge! You guys are gonna be trapped in that submarine right there. It's gonna leak and eventually fill up to the top, and you have to find a way out before it's too late. You'll find your very own escape routes inside, and that's about it. Whichever team successfully makes it out first wins! And Team Smackdown, since there's only three of you now, you get this code." he said, handing Cena a paper.

"What's this for?" he asked.

"You'll see. Make sure you don't lose it or else all of you are screwed. Have fun!" he exclaimed.

Soon, everyone was inside the submarine. There was a glass wall separating Raw's side from Smackdown's side, and Jericho was standing at the top hatch. "Ready…set...don't drown, my little fishies! Hahahahaha..." he laughed, slamming the door.

"So, when do I start this thing?" Big Show asked, eating a Twinkie.

"Now. Initiate the waterworks!" announced Jericho.

He pulled the trigger, setting the water inside the submarine.

Inside...

"And then there were three." Orton told the other team. "Isn't it obvious that you guys have no chance at winning? Shows what a great captain you are, Cena. You lost two members in less than a week and I still have my whole team."

"So what? Yeah, there's only three of us for now. But Hunter's gonna come back and we're basically gonna make you eat those words, Orton." John replied from the other side.

"John?" called Candice.

"Yeah?"

"HELP!" cried her and Shawn.

"Whoa!" Cena called, seeing how fast the water was coming in.

"EXACTLY MY POINT!" Orton cried. "Hahaha!"

"ORTON!" cried Team Raw.

He turned around and found out that their side was filling up fast, too.

"Are you done or are you gonna let us drown?" demanded Jeff.

"No! Now let's get the hell outta here!" he exclaimed.

On Smackdown's side...

"So, what are we supposed to do now?" demanded Shawn, while the water was about up to their waists.

"I'm still trying to figure out why Jericho gave us this code." said Cena.

Then, Candice looked down to find an escape hatch from the bottom. "Guys! I think I just found our way out!" she exclaimed.

"Sweet!" exclaimed Shawn.

John took a closer look. "Hey, there's a lock on this thing." he announced. "That must be what the code's for."

"I'll unlock it." said Shawn, taking the paper from him.

"I'll unlock it." Cena replied, taking the paper back from him.  
>"Come on, Cena! We're in a life or death situation, and I work good under pressure!" exclaimed Shawn.<p>

"Well, so do I!" exclaimed Cena, snatching the paper from him. "Now let go, man!"

Then, they both accidentally let go of the paper as it floated to the bottom of the water.

"Oops." they both said.

"Guys!" cried Candice. "Now what are we supposed to do?"

On Raw's side...

"Any ideas, Orton? demanded Kelly.

The water was causing them to float upwards.

"Uh...uh...uh..." he panicked.

"Ok, since he just went brain dead, I'll try and find us a way out." announced Jeff.

He looked down to see if there was any escape hatch, but there wasn't.

"Anything, Jeff?" asked Melina.

"Nope. Nothing down there." he replied.

"Uh...uh...uh...uh..." Randy continued.

Jeff continued searching until he looked up and found another escape hatch. "Guys, look up there!" he exclaimed.

"Freedom!" exclaimed Kelly, climbing up a ladder. When she reached the top, she opened the hatch and found a roar of flames spewing out.

"AAAAHHHH!" she exclaimed, leaping back in the water.

"What's wrong, Kel?" asked Jeff.

"There's fire up there. We're not getting out, are we?" she asked.

On Smackdown's side...

"There is no way we're gonna get out without that code!" cried Candice.

Then, Shawn looked up to see another escape hatch on their side!

"Bingo!" he exclaimed.

"Good looking out, man!" cried John.

Shawn climbed up the ladder, opened the hatch, and then a shark swam in!

"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Shawn and Candice.

"Good looking out, man." he said dully.

* * *

><p>Outside...<p>

"Ok, maybe we should end this challenge." said Jericho. "I think the water's getting an eensy bit too high."

"Yeah." chuckled Big Show. "Soon, their only bit of air supply's gonna go, they're all gonna drown, and we'll never have to deal with the likes of them again. HAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed evilly.

"NO!" cried Jericho, rushing to the trigger.

"Why are you freaking out?" he asked. "This is supposed to be a good thing."

"You don't understand! If any of those parasites drown or die in any way, my career is FINISHED!" he exclaimed.

"Don't worry about them! They never gave a crap about either of us, so why should we rescue them?" he asked.

"If I end up in jail, I'll tell them about the time you cooked for the women's prison and you-" began Jericho.

"OK, OK!" he cried. "Let's get them outta there!" He furiously pulled the trigger, but then it broke!

The two looked on, shocked.

"My bad." he said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jericho cried in horror. "Those poor hypocrites! My life is over!"

Inside, on Raw's side, how would the team find a way out?

They were trying to breathe the last bit of air they could before the whole thing was totally filled up.

"Nice going, team!" Michelle said, annoyed. "Thanks to your worthless ideas, we're gonna drown."

"Hey, bitch, I didn't hear you come up with any bright ideas." snapped Melina.

"I do as a matter of fact. I have a couple of ideas, and here's the first one. How about I get rid of you so that the rest of us will have a quicker chance of escaping!" Michelle exclaimed, ducking Melina's head underwater.

"Melina!" cried Randy, Jeff, and Kelly.

Then, Kelly attacked Michelle, forcing her to let go, while Jeff and Randy helped Melina up.

"You ok, Mel?" asked Jeff.

"I-*cough*-I think so." she replied.

"Michelle!" snapped Orton.

"Huh?" she asked in surprise.

"I-we need to get outta here first. Then I need to speak to you later." he said darkly.

She just looked on, shocked.

Then, Melina looked in her pocket and realized that she had something to help them escape!

"Guys! Look what I found!" she exclaimed, holding up five straws.

"What are those for?" asked Kelly.

"We could use these to breathe underwater!" she exclaimed. "Now if only we had a balloon or something, we could take what air's left, and find a way out!"

"I uh, have some." Orton said meekly, holding out some balloons.

"How convenient. Why would you carry those around with you?" Jeff asked suspiciously.

"Eh, I was gonna put something in em, I don't know, bird crap, maybe and attack you with em. That's all." he replied.

Jeff just glared at him. "I hate you." he said darkly.

"Ok, you guys, let's stop arguing and get outta here." said Kelly.

After they attached the air filled balloons with the straws, they all swam down to the bottom, where they found an escape hatch!

"Hell to the yeah!" cried Orton.

"Looks like there's a key that goes to it." said Melina.

"We don't have a key!" exclaimed Kelly. "Isn't there anything we could use instead?"

Then, Jeff looked at his necklace and had an idea.

"I think there is. Stand back, you guys." he said, using it to try and unlock the hatch.

"Dude, how is THAT supposed to get us outta-" began Orton.

Then, it opened!

"WHOA!" they all cried, piling outside.

"I knew this thing was awesome." Jeff said with a smile, looking at his necklace.

"Great job, you guys!" exclaimed Melina.

Then, Jericho stopped crying and saw them. "HYPOCRITES!" he cried, giving them all a hug. "Oh, how I missed you so!"

They shoved him away.

"DON'T HUG ME!" screamed Randy.

"Yeah, what the hell's your problem?" asked Jeff.

"I was so worried that you guys were gonna drown, but we're all here-oh no." he said.

"What?" asked Kelly.

"Team Smackdown. They never came out! RUN, GUYS, RUN! cried Jericho.

They all ran to the other side of the sub, where they saw Cena, Candice, and Shawn a few inches away from the shark.

* * *

><p>Inside...<p>

John found a kendo stick and tried to fight the shark off.

"Get back!" he cried. "Move it!"

Then, the shark ate the stick, breaking it in half.

"Oh, God." he said, backing into a corner with Shawn and Candice.

"So, this is the end." said Shawn. "I'll miss you guys."

"WAAAAAHHHHH!" cried Candice.

"Well, let's not panic, maybe we can still find a way out-" began John.

The shark snapped towards them.

"Hell, we're gonna die!" he cried.

"Stand back." said Jericho.

Then, before the shark could attack, he broke down the window and pulled the three of them out just in time!

As they all caught their breaths, Jericho wrapped them in a group hug. "PARASITES! We're all together once again!"

They shoved him away, too.

"Thanks a lot, you got your Jericho germs on me." Cena said dully.

"Since when are you happy to see us, anyway?" asked Shawn.

"Wait, you saved us?" asked Candice. "I thought you hated us."

"I do, but I can't have a murder record on my case or else I'd be finito." he replied. "Now, since no one's going home this week, and Team Raw, since you guys got out first, you get a reward!"

"YAY! WHOO!" they cheered.

"Ok, you guys win an all expenses paid trip to Mexico, where you get to stay in a nice little barn near the worst volcano around and take a nice hike up a 70,000ft mountain! What do you think?" he asked.

They just stared at him.

"What?"

"...You expect us to go someplace where we could basically get burned, injured, or just basically killed, right after YOUR stupid little challenge almost drowned us?" demanded Jeff.

"YEAH!" agreed the team.

"So that means you're not going?" asked Jericho.

"...Why are you so dumb?" asked Melina.

"Ok, since you refuse, you guys can get some chips and soda back at the trailer park, all right?" he asked dully.

"All right!-That's what I'm talkin about!" they exclaimed, rushing off.

Meanwhile, John, Candice, and Shawn looked on in surprise.

"I would've went to Mexico." Shawn said meekly.

Later that day, the team was enjoying their snacks while Orton needed a talk with Michelle...

"So, what'd you want to say to me?" she asked.

"How dare you try to drown Melina like back there?" he demanded. "You know you could've gotten her killed?"

"Orton, I don't like her. I really don't care what happens to her." she replied.

"Well, I DO like her, all right? I like her a lot, and I won't let anything happen to her, not even from you!" he exclaimed.

"Come on, I thought we were Rated RKO! I thought we were supposed to stick together!" she exclaimed.

"We ARE still Rated RKO!" he exclaimed back.

"Doesn't seem like it! All you seem to think about is your little girlfriend! You don't even know I'm there anymore!" she cried.

He sighed. "Ok, I'm still gonna hang out with you, but no matter what, I'm gonna be with Melina. I don't care if you two hate each other or not, but you can't change anything between us." he said.

"But, Orton-" she began.

"This discussion is finished." he said, walking off.

While he did, she just looked on, furious.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile...<p>

"What's up, you guys?" asked Hunter, joining them.

"Hunter!-what's up, man?" they greeted him.

"How you feeling?" asked Jeff.

"Not bad, not bad." he said through his mouth brace. "Still hurts like hell, but I'll get used to it."

"At least you're getting better. Did you see us on TV?" asked Kelly.

"Sure did. You guys did awesome, but now I KNOW my team needs me. I could've fought off that shark with my own bare hands!" he exclaimed.

"Don't exaggerate, Hunter." said Melina.

"It's true! I fought off an alligator before, too...AND WON! So beat that!" he said with a smile.

"Well, Hunter, while you're here, have some chips and soda." said Jericho. "Don't tell your team or else they'll kill me."

"Then, I'll tell 'em." he replied.

The gang laughed while Jericho cried, "MAINTAIN!"

Silence.

"Wait, how are you gonna be able to eat those with that fence around your mouth?" asked Jeff.

"I don't know." he replied.

"I got it." said Jericho, putting the chips and soda in a blender. "There you go." he handed the mess to him.

Then, Hunter just stared at it.

"So, after all this, this means you'll all start being nicer to me, right?" Jericho asked with a smile.

Then, Hunter dumped the blender mess on Jericho's head. "No." he replied.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" everyone laughed.

"Ah, good times, good times." Jericho said dully.


	18. Episode 14

Total WWE Action!: RAW is WAR!

Episode 14

"What's crackin-lackin, Jerichoholics? This is Y2J, Chris Jericho with another exciting week of TWA coming up next! Last week, the theme was a disaster movie, with two insane challenges to follow. The first challenge was an obstacle course to get to the top of Death Hill. Both teams were neck and neck, while Team Smackdown used their tactics of working together to get ahead, and Team Raw just used force. And Michelle really just wanted sabotage, no big surprise. Both teams were nearing the finish line, but Big Show and I certainly weren't gonna let that happen! We tried to stop those parasites with some hot lava and hail, but nothing worked. Then, Big Show tossed none other than a shovel down, and that was unfortunate news for Hunter. After the poor dude got a mouthful of shovel, we had no choice but to get him to the ER. He later updated us on his condition, and both he and Shawn finally decided to end their little feud. The second challenge was a challenge where both teams had to escape a leaking submarine. With only 3 members, Team Smackdown needed a desperate win! They had an advantage with the code I gave them, but foolishly lost it, ending their chances of escaping alive. Team Raw wasn't doing so hot, either. Aside from practically drowning, they also faced a possible fire hazard, and on top of that, Michelle had just about enough and tried to drown Melina! Luckily, she was ok, but Randy was pissed at his RKO partner in crime. On Smackdown's side, as if things weren't bad enough, a man eating shark was trapped inside, too! I, being the decent man that I am, had to make sure those hypocrites were all right. Luckily, Team Raw managed to get out in time, but Smackdown was still in trouble! I knew I had to do something, so I kicked through the glass and got Cena, Candice, and Shawn out just in time! And after risking my life for them, they still disrespect me. After Raw won their little party, Hunter returned to the set with his jaw wired shut, but that didn't stop him from humiliating me! This week, will DX finally reunite? Will Randy's relationship with Melina drag him away from Michelle? And who will get the boot this week? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was a beautiful day, and everyone was hanging outside...<p>

"Hey, Randy." greeted Michelle.

"Michelle." he replied, not looking at her.

"Come on, don't tell me you're still pissed at me about last week." she replied.

"What if I am?" he asked.

"Ok, maybe almost drowning Melina was a bit too harsh. But it's pretty obvious she had it coming." she said.

He turned around and glared at her angrily.

"What?"

"A bit too harsh? You know what could've happened to her because of you? She could've drowned, or worse, she could've caught pneumonia, or hypothermia or something like that! If anyone messes with Melina, they mess with me, got it?" he demanded.

"What about me?" demanded Michelle.

"It always has to be about you, huh? Why don't you stop thinking about yourself and think about getting your act together, because this isn't the way Rated RKO works." he replied. "Now, I'm sorry about you and Cena, well, not really, but he broke up with you, so get over it, all right?"

"NO!" she cried angrily. "Orton, you listen to me. Cena has nothing to do with any of this. You and I used to hang out all the time together before _Melina _came in the picture. Edge was eliminated, so you're the only friend I have left. Don't leave me behind."

He just looked at her. "I'll give you another chance. If you stop messing around with Melina, then we're cool. But if you even start a fistfight with her, then you're out of Rated RKO and I'm flying solo." he said, walking off.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Michelle: "Yeah? Well we'll see about that. I don't go down without a fight."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, everyone else had a lemonade drinking contest, while a surprise reunion was in store...<p>

"And why are we doing this again?" asked Jeff.

"I just found a stash of this stuff in Big Show's kitchen, and it's the last decent thing we have to drink in this place. So we gotta finish it before he catches us." explained John. "Ok, you guys. Contest begins after I say go. Ready...set..."

"YO!" called a voice.

Everyone whipped around.

"Forgetting someone?" asked another voice.

Then, Hunter and Shawn, in their DX attire joined the gang next!

"YEAH!" they cheered happily.

"All right, you guys are back!" exclaimed Kelly.

"Yep, back and better than ever!" exclaimed Shawn.

"So, what'cha guys up to?" asked Hunter, his mouth still wired shut.

"We were about to have a lemonade drinking contest. You guys want to join us?" asked Jeff.

"Sure!" they agreed.

"How are you gonna drink anything with that gate around your mouth?" he asked Hunter.

"You called it a fence last time." he replied.

"I don't see any difference." Jeff said dully.

"Well, anyway, this thing isn't gonna stop me! Let's go! Bring it ON!" he exclaimed.

Then, everyone grabbed a glass of lemonade.

"Ok, on go." said Cena. "Ready...set...GO!"

Then, everyone chugged down their beverages at the same time, but it was a three-way tie between Hunter, Jeff, and Melina.

"Whoa, guys!" called Shawn. "Settle down, will ya?"

"Yeah, it's just a contest!" agreed Candice.

Then, the three slammed their glasses down at the same time. "DONE!" they all called.

"I won, right?" asked Hunter. "I should, I'm the one who's disabled."

"Disabled?" demanded Jeff and Melina.

"Yeah." he said with a smile.

"Whoa, that stuff goes down fast." said Melina. "I gotta pee."

"Me too." agreed Jeff.

"Ditto." agreed Hunter.

"Well, guys. There's only one working stall left. Better hurry before it's taken." said Cena.

Then, the three looked at each other and charged towards the stall.

"NOO!" they all cried.

A few seconds later, they reached the outhouse.

"Yay, I'm first!" exclaimed Melina.

When she opened the door, a skunky scent poofed in her face.

"..." She collapsed to the ground.

The boys then saw Big Show in the stall with a newspaper. "Sup?"

They just stared at him.

"Sorry for stealing the John, but I'm constipated again. Happens, you know?" he asked.

"...Ew." Hunter replied.

"Hey, you guys want to try some of my new energy drink? It' made of vitamins A, B, C, and D. Tons of carbs." he said, holding a multi-colored drink with lots of things in it.

He held the cup under their noses while the skunky stench of it poofed and caused Jeff's hair to lose its colors, and Hunter's brace rusted.

"Yeah, we'll pass on that." Jeff replied, dragging Melina away while he and Hunter ran away.

"Suit yourselves." Big Show said, drinking it.

_"Attention castmates! Please meet me at the main set for your next challenge!"_ called Jericho.

A few minutes later, everyone met Jericho for their next challenge...

"Hey, parasites, what's good?" he asked everyone.

"Well, Jericho, guess which destructive force just reunited?" asked Shawn, pointing to his and Hunter's DX shirts.

Jericho's eyes got big. "Oh, God, no." he said in shock.

"We're baaaack!" they both called.

"Damn, damn, DAMN!" he cried. "You guys aren't gonna attack me are you?"

"Wouldn't it be stupid to just tell you our plans? You'll just have to wait and be surprised." replied Hunter.

"Whoopee. Anyways, today's theme is gonna be AWESOME!" he exclaimed. "I'm not gonna bother to let you guess, so I'm just gonna come right out and tell ya. We're doing a war theme today!"

"Sweet-cool!" they cheered.

"Wow, Jericho, you were using your brain today. Why don't you use it some more?" asked Cena with a smile.

"I didn't hear that. So, that's the good news. The bad news is that one of you guys are getting eliminated today, so watch out. Ok, your first challenge is gonna be insane! Let's go, trogs! Everything's all set up for you."

"…Trogs?" asked Candice.

* * *

><p>Later, they were all in two separate airplanes in the sky, while Jericho was calling from a megaphone in his own separate jet.<p>

"OK, YOU GUYS! YOUR FIRST CHALLENGE IS TO FALL OUT OF THESE AIRPLANES AND LAND ON THE GROUND SAFELY! SIMPLE AS THAT! READY, SET, GO!" he called.

"Well, this'll be easy enough!" called John. "Luckily we got these parachutes to help us!"

Then, Jericho flew by and stole the parachutes away.

"I FORGOT! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO USE PARACHUTES IN THIS GAME! DON'T DIE, MY FRIENDS! HAHAHAHAHAHA..." he laughed.

"I hate him." Cena said dully.

"I'm not gonna let him get away with this!" called Shawn. "I'm going down!"

"Shawn, what are you doing?" called Candice.

"Getting our parachutes!" he replied.

"That's dangerous, dude! Shouldn't we plan how we jump out first?" called Hunter.

But Shawn wasn't listening.

"GERONIMOOOOOO!" he called, leaping off the plane.

On Raw's side...

"You guys, I have a plan to get us outta here safe!" called Jeff.

"Oh yeah, well, who's the captain here? Oh yeah! ME!" called Orton.

"Come on, man, I have a really good idea!" he argued.

"I...DON'T...CARE!" Orton argued.

"Randy, I want to hear what he has to say!" exclaimed Melina.

"Me, too!" agreed Kelly. "Just give him a chance, Orton!"

He sighed. "Whatever. This better be good!" he replied.

"Ok, why don't we all jump out at the same time? That way, we'd be out faster than the other team, and we could break each other's fall! What do you think?" he asked.

"Awesome-sweet idea!" agreed Kelly and Melina.

"Well, I'm the captain, and I get to decide whether to approve the idea or not!" exclaimed Orton.

"Approve-dude, let's just do it before we crash!" demanded Jeff.

"I AM THE CAPTAIN!" he screamed.

"Well, what if I want to be captain?" Jeff argued.

"Uh, guys?" asked Melina.

"Well, you're not good enough to be captain of MY team!" argued Randy.

"YO!" called Michelle.

"WHAT?" demanded Jeff and Randy.

Then, they all turned their attention to Jericho, who tossed a bag of money towards the ground. "HEY! INSTEAD OF ARGUING, WHY DON'T YOU ALL TRY AND GRAB THAT $25,000 THAT'S PLUMMETING TOWARDS THE GROUND?"

They were all silent.

"MINE!" called Orton, tipping over the edge, reaching for it.

His weight tipped the small plane towards the side, sliding everyone to the edge with him.

"COME TO PAPA!" Orton cried, tipping over some more.

Then, he tipped the plane over so much that everyone behind him bumped into him and they all fell out of the plane!

"AAAHHH!" they all screamed.

"MY MONEY!" screamed Randy.

On Smackdown's side...

"Well, Shawn's out, Team Raw's down, and it's just us!" announced Cena. "We gotta get outta here now!"

"Hey, maybe you guys should jump first, that way you could break my fall and prevent me from getting injured any further!" exclaimed Hunter.

They just looked at him.

"What?"

"If you think that using your injury is gonna give you an advantage, you're mistaken. You gotta work just as hard as the rest of us." said Candice.

"Aw, you're right. So, what do we do?" he asked.

"BOOYAH!" Jericho screamed from behind them.

"AAAHH!" they screamed, falling out of the plane next.

"Haha, yeah!" cheered Jericho.

On the ground, everyone was zoned out, but were ok.

"Hey, guys!" called Shawn. "I found the parachutes!"

Team Smackdown looked at him.

"Too late, huh?" he asked meekly.

"My plan would've worked if you'd just let me be leader this one time." Jeff said seriously.

"Stop complaining." Orton replied dully.

Jeff glared at him with an angry look in his eyes.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Jeff: "I am so SICK of Orton! I really wanted to be team leader for so long, just to know how it feels to take control for once instead of being told what to do! Well, you know what? I don't take orders from anybody, especially Orton! I'm gonna make myself team leader this one time, and if he doesn't like it, then that's his problem! I'll show everyone that I'm a damn better leader than he ever was."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Later, everyone met up with Jericho for the second challenge...<p>

"Well, that was fun. Since Team Raw all reached the ground first, they win the first challenge!" exclaimed Jericho.

"WHOOO!" they cheered.

"Ok, now here's the second challenge. You guys are gonna be in the middle of a paint bomb war! Both teams need to set your explosives in a cool-looking pattern, so that when they explode, it'll look totally awesome! Remember, the more creative you are, the better chance you'll have of winning. The team that has the coolest design wins! I need a beer." Jericho said, walking off.

Soon after that, both teams were divided so that Raw would have one side and Smackdown would have the other...

"Well, this sounds easy, but something's probably gonna go horribly wrong, so anyone have any ideas?" asked Cena.

"How about we all make a really cool design with things we all stand for?" asked Candice.

"Good idea!" agreed Shawn. "How about we use our DX initials?"

"Nice!" agreed Hunter. "Creative, yet simple. How about you guys?"

"I like sweet things, so I could make a flower outside of it like this!" exclaimed Candice.

"All right, and I could add some missiles and things over here." agreed John. "Nice work, team!"

On Raw's side...

"Ok, team. Here's what we're gonna-" began Orton.

"Hold it!" called Jeff.

"What do you want now?" demanded Orton.

"Stop yelling at him!" snapped Kelly. "Go ahead, Jeff."

"Thank you. Now, my plan would've worked for that last challenge-" he began.

"Are you still on that?" demanded Orton.

"I'M NOT FINISHED!" he screamed.

Silence.

"Ok, this challenge is all about creativity and originality. And who knows that better than I do?" he asked.

"Good point." agreed Melina.

"Yeah! So, just for today, if I lead this team, we could seriously win this thing. Just let me handle this, you guys. Please?" he asked.

"I say you go for it, baby!" cheered Kelly.

"Yeah, you'd make a great leader, too!" agreed Melina.

Michelle just rolled her eyes. "Fine." she said.

Randy glared at him. "Ok. You can take charge just for today. But if you screw up, and I bet you will, let's just say you wouldn't want to be ready for elimination time." he said darkly.

"I won't screw anything up." he replied. "Ok, you guys, let's get moving. Here's the plan..."

Later, both teams had their explosives in place...

"Ok, trogs! Time to show me what you got!" announced Jericho. "Team Smackdown, you're up first!"

"Ok, let er rip!" announced Cena.

Then, they set off their explosives, so that there was a rainbow of pretty fireworks in the sky.

"Ooh." they all said in amazement.

"We rock out loud!" exclaimed Shawn, giving his team a high five.

"Wow, nice work, Smackdown! And next up is Team Raw!" he announced.

Their pattern was a spiral-type design, with the smallest missiles at the edge, and the biggest and most powerful explosives in the middle.

"You sure this is gonna work?" asked Randy.

"Why wouldn't it? This is gonna be-" *pushes button*

***BOOM!***

The explosion was so loud and strong that it broke down the wall separating them from team Smackdown!

After the smoke cleared, the team looked burnt and crispy.

"Ooh, not good." Jericho said, wincing.

Then, everyone got up and looked towards Jeff.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" demanded Randy.

"Oops. My bad?" he asked with a nervous smile.

"Well then...TEAM SMACKDOWN WINS THE SECOND ROUND!" announced Jericho.

"YEAH!" they cheered.

"And since you won, you guys get this fabulous, amazing, Wonderful Box of Wonderment!" Jericho exclaimed, tossing a junky looking box towards them.

"Ooh, can we see what's inside?" asked Candice.

"Nuh-uh-uh! You can't look inside unless you win the next challenge. So you have to wait a very long time. Hahahahahaha!"

"I still hate him." Cena said dully.

"Well, that was fun. So did you think of our next prank on Jericho yet?" asked Hunter.

"Hmm. I still say we use the Hertz Doughnut." said Shawn.

"Dude, that was like, 9 weeks ago! I still say we give him a noogie." said Hunter.

"No, dude. Doughnut." said Shawn.

"Noogie." replied Hunter.

"DOUGHNUT!"

"NOOGIE!"

"Wait, let's compromise. How about a doughnut AND a noogie?" asked Hunter.

"Hey, I just thought of something even better!" exclaimed Shawn. "Something way better than that!"

"Tell me!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Not now! I need time to plan it out, man." he replied. "Be patient."

"Yeah. That's what they all say." Hunter said dully.

* * *

><p>Later, everyone met up for the third challenge...<p>

"Ok, gang. Here's your third and final challenge for today. You guys are gonna play an exciting game of Capture the Flag but instead of a flag, you guys are gonna try and capture Team Smackdown's Wonderful Box of Wonderment, while you guys have to defend it from Team Raw. So, Raw, you guys need to come up with a plan to capture the box, and Smackdown, you guys need to find a way to stop Team Raw from stealing your box. And Smackdown, you guys get to defend your box in that fabulous shed over there." he said, pointing to a broken down, ratty shed.

"Big surprise." Shawn said dully.

"The team that ends up with the box at the end, wins! Have a great time, trogs." he laughed, walking away.

A few minutes later, Smackdown was planning what they should do...  
>"Ok, team, here's what we should do." said John. "I'll go set up some traps, and look out for the other team. Any other suggestions?"<p>

"Hunter, Shawn, and I can attack just in case they sneak past the traps." said Candice.

"Yeah, we'll beat them to a pulp!" agreed Hunter.

"Awesome! You guys keep your ground, I'll be right back." he said, going off to make traps.

On Raw's side...

"Well, where'd Mr. Head Honcho go?" Orton asked sarcastically.

"So, Melina. I bet you wish your MAN Orton stayed as leader, huh?" asked Michelle.

"Shut up! I think that Randy and Jeff are great leaders!" she exclaimed.

"Well, choose one! You already stole Randy from me!" she exclaimed.

"Haha. STOLE him from you? You two weren't together in the first place. Now, Jeff's my friend, and so is Randy. Which leaves you with nobody!" she said with an evil smile.

"You little-" Michelle exclaimed, punching her arm.

"OW!" cried Melina. "Randy, Michelle hit me!"

He glared at her. "Michelle!" he exclaimed.

"I-I didn't do anything!" she exclaimed back.  
>"You remember what I said earlier." he told her.<p>

"I-I-" she began.

Then, everyone got quiet when Jeff arrived, dressed up with a headband, a sleeveless shirt, camouflage pants, army boots, and he painted the top half of his face in camouflage colors.

Everyone looked in surprise as Kelly looked on dreamily.

"I love a man in uniform." she said, gazing at him.

"WHAT'S THIS?" demanded Randy.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE HELL UP!" Jeff screamed to him through a megaphone.

He sat down.

"Ok, the last challenge didn't turn out as well as I planned. But we can make a comeback. The other team's probably planning something that we'll never be able to find out, but I think that we can outsmart them." he explained, pacing around. "As you can all see here, I thought of a bunch of ways we could get past Smackdown and capture their box. This is the diversion I came up with, but feel free to tell me your ideas."

Kelly raised her hand.

"Kelly?" he called.

"Why don't we just attack them out nowhere? They're probably expecting us to do something sneaky, but if we just charge towards them, they'll be caught by surprise." she explained.

"Excellent idea!" Jeff agreed, drawing something on the board. "Anyone else?"

Michelle raised her hand.

He glared at her. "Michelle."

"Let's just all travel in one of those giant carriages like they did in the olden days. Then when we get to their territory, we'll jump out and attack." she said.

Everyone, even Randy glared at her.

"WHAT?" she demanded. "It's a great idea!"

"Too predictable." replied Jeff. "Well, team, I think we have enough here. You guys carry out the plan just like I told you, and we should be fine. Make me proud."

"And just what will YOU be doing here?" demanded Orton.

"I'm making sure you don't screw up!" he said with a smile.

Orton growled at him and then followed everyone else outside.

Outside...

"Wait, you guys." said Michelle.

They all turned around.

"I still say we use the carriage. It's gonna work, I tell you!" she exclaimed. "See, I already made one!"

She pulled out a crummy looking pumpkin-shaped carriage.

"Come on!" she pleaded.

"All right, let's use it to shut her up." said Melina.

A few minutes later, they headed towards Team Smackdown's turf, while Team Smackdown hid in this hole they dug.

"This hidey hole we dug was a great plan!" whispered Cena.

Shawn laughed.

"What?" he asked.

"Hole." he giggled.

"Quiet down, Chuckles." replied Hunter.

Meanwhile, Team Smackdown stopped right where the other team was supposed to be.

"CHARGE!" exclaimed Michelle.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all shouted, bursting out of the carriage.

A tumbleweed went by.

"Michelle, there's nobody here." said Randy.

"Some plan." Kelly said, glaring at her.

"Don't look at me like that! They're just hiding somewhere!" she argued.

"Well, come on, let's go look for the box." said Randy.

While they walked on, they suddenly whiffed a putrid stench.

"WHOA!" they all cried, holding their noses.

"Is Big Show around again?" demanded Melina.

"Where is that coming from?" asked Michelle.

"Yoo-hoo!" called John.

They all turned back.

"Look what we got." Hunter said, holding up a skunk.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" demanded Orton.

"GET THEM!" Hunter cried, releasing the skunk.

"AAH!" Team Raw screamed as they sped away from the skunk as fast as they could.

"Let the action begin." Cena said with a smile.

As they ran, they fell into John's trap, which was a catapult from the ground.

Then, they flew all the way back to home base, landing right in front of Jeff.

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" he shouted through his megaphone.

"I'm getting a headache." Orton said dully.

"Uh, who cares? I DON'T!" Jeff exclaimed. "Who decided to use the carriage?"

They all looked at Michelle.

"I was only trying to help." she muttered.

"Well, looks like it didn't work." he replied. "Now, I want you guys to follow the original plan, all right, and don't come back here without the box!"

At Smackdown's site...

"That was easy enough." Candice said, getting out of their hiding spot along with everyone else.

"Yeah, turned out perfect!" agreed Cena. "Now let's get the box and get the hell up outta here."

When Shawn grabbed the box from the shed (which collapsed), they suddenly heard voices yelling from a distance.

"What the hell's that?" asked Hunter.

"Don't know. Sounds like a group of wild banshees or something." replied Shawn.

Then, they turned around to find Team Raw speeding towards them!

"CHARGE!" exclaimed Orton.

"What do we do?" asked Candice.

"Charge back." said John. "CHARGE!"

As the two teams were about to collide with each other, Shawn was trying to attack with yo-yos, and John said, "I got this covered, guys."

Then, he stood back and let out a huge burp, and it was so powerful that the team was knocked out cold!

"Wow. Wild burp, Cena." said Hunter, surprised.

"Yeah, I know." he smiled.

Then, Jeff joined his fallen team. "SICKENING! JUST SICKENING!" he shouted through his megaphone.

As the team was still on the ground, Jericho quickly came and counted, "1..2..3! Here are today's winners, Team Smackdown!"

"WHOO!" they all cheered.

"So, you guys can check out what's inside your box." he said.

Shawn and Hunter quickly opened the box and found some...moth balls and dust.

"...What?" asked Shawn.

"...The hell?" finished Hunter.

"Enjoy." Jericho said, leaving. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

While DX started crying, Cena said, "Oh, now I REALLY hate him!"

* * *

><p>At the elimination ceremony...<p>

"Well, well, well. Team Raw, we meet again. Well, before we get to the votes, I've been wondering something. How do you manage to work together because your teamwork blows!" exclaimed Jericho.

"Why don't you ask our new 'leader'?" Orton asked, looking towards Jeff.

"It wasn't my fault that we lost, now was it? Here's a better question. Who in the hell decided to go against our original plan?" he asked.

Everyone looked at Michelle.

"Are you serious?" she exclaimed. "That plan was genius! My plan-"

"Failed." finished Orton.

"...Ok then. Well, you guys know what to do. Use your buzzer thingies and get someone outta here." said Jericho.

A few minutes later...

"Time's up!. And here are the results: Jeff...Kelly...and Randy, you're safe."

They sped up and grabbed their awards.

"Why is Melina still in the bottom two?" demanded Orton.

"Well, let's find out. Michelle and Melina. One of you stays and one of you walks down the Red Carpet of loserdom. And the person leaving tonight is..."

Melina looked nervous, Michelle looked furious, and Orton, Jeff, and Kelly all looked worried for Melina.

"Wow, this is obvious. Michelle." he finished.

"YES!" Jeff and Kelly cried happily.

"What, what, WHAT?" Melina cried happily. "Ta DOW! How you like me NOW?"

She ignored them and stepped up to Orton. "Answer this one question. Did you vote for me, too?" she asked.

"Well, I didn't vote for Melina." he replied. "I didn't have a choice. Looks like I'm holding RKO all on my own now."

Then she whipped away from him and headed to the Lambo of Suckers.

"One more thing. If ANY of you think I'm done here, you're wrong. I'm gonna come back, and none of you are gonna like it." she finally said, heading off.

Her team just watched her walk off.

"Whatever!" cheered Melina.

"Well, looks like a happy ending for you guys." said Jericho. "For me, too, actually."

"And why is that?" asked Jeff.

"Well, DX reunited, and they said that they were gonna attack me somehow, but the show's over and they never showed up. I guess I'm finished for tonight, then." he said, walking off. "See ya, parasites!"

Then, out of nowhere...

"FIRE!" cried a voice.

Then, Jericho whipped around to find truckloads of garbage attacking him!

"HEEEY!" he cried out.

Everyone else laughed and looked back to see DX tossing garbage at him from a dumpster and a catapult connected to it.

"Well, we came back with a bang, didn't we?" asked Hunter.

"I'LL GET YOU! I'LL GET YOU BOTH!" Jericho shouted.

"Sure you will. And if you're not down with that, then we got two words for ya!" exclaimed Shawn.

Then, the two did their famous DX crotch chop!

"SUCK IT!" they both exclaimed.

Jericho just glared angrily at them while they all laughed hysterically.


	19. Episode 15

TWA Chatterbox 2: Brothers, Break-ups, and Psychos

Episode 15

The audience cheered as CM Punk and Maria came onstage.

"Hey, rockers, hip hoppers, and all those in between!" announced Punk.

"The handsome CM Punk.." began Maria.

"...and the beautiful Maria here..." continued Punk.

"Are back with another edition of the TWA Chatterbox!" she finished. "Everyone make some noise!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered.

"We've got a superstar-studded show for you guys today." she continued.

"Now, as you all know, there were three shocking eliminations over the past few weeks, and those people are gonna be here today." said Punk.

"But before we start anything new, let's all move onto our Chatterbox commentators! Make some noise for, Santino Marella!" announced Maria.

"WHOOOOOOOOOO!" they cheered.

"Thank you-a thank you-a very much!" he exclaimed.

"The Glamazon!" announced Punk.

"WHOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, you all better cheer!" she said angrily.

"Kane!" announced Maria.

"WHOOOOOOOOO!"

"STOP TALKING!" he shouted again.

Silence.

"Maryse!" announced Punk.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cheered most of the guys.

"Haha!" she laughed, showing herself off.

"YEAH!" they cheered.

"The Undertaker!" announced Maria.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

*DONG*

He glared at everyone.

More silence.

"And last but not least, Dave Batista!" announced Punk.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Uh, Dave?" asked Punk.

He was on his cell phone.

"What the hell do you mean you can't get on it? I said I wanted this done and I want it done NOW!" he shouted, hanging up.

"Uh, Dave, what's going on?" asked Maria.

"A secret deal. That's all I can tell ya." he said quickly.

Everyone looked at him.

"Nothing to see here! Move on!" he cried.

"Ok, then. And we have two new Chatterbox commentators with us today. Give it up for the crazy Natalya!" exclaimed Punk.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

She just sat there with a smile and said nothing.

"Is she ok?" asked Maria.

"No idea, but she's psycho, I know that. And also with us today is the Rated R Superstar, Edge!" announced Punk.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience jeered.

"Aw, WHO ASKED YA? They're just jealous of my awesome greatness. Carry on." he said proudly.

"Whatever. So before we bring out the guests, let's all watch a little segment called, 'I Pity The FOOL!' " announced Maria. "Here's a compilation of clips of our castmates getting hurt...bad."

"Roll the clip, Julio!" called Punk.

* * *

><p>In "The Good, The Bad,...and The Degenerates", DX was in the shootout facing Randy Orton and Edge, and both Orton and Edge got attacked with darts.<p>

In the same episode, Randy charged towards Jeff, and they both fell off a cliff.

Edge flew off a horse and landed face first in a dirt pile.

At the end of the episode, Jeff clocked Orton in the face!

In "Born To Be Wild", Shawn and Hunter both swung from a rope and smashed faces first into the other side of a cliff.

In "Friends In Low Places", Jeff and Randy were fighting when they bumped into a table, splashing fruit punch over everyone!

In the same episode, Randy 'accidentally' whacked Kelly in the head with a shoe.

Jeff threw a beer bottle towards Orton, but it barely missed.

In 'King of the Road", Cena got punched in the face by those Hell's Angels bikers.

In 'I Fought The Law", the guys used Orton's head to ram down their door, but ran down Jericho instead!

In "Nobody Likes You (When You're Dead)", Michelle attacked Melina with a net gun, sending her down to the ground.

In "How To Avoid Disaster", Big Show struck Hunter in the face with a shovel!

And in "RAW is WAR!", Team Smackdown was catapulted back to home base!

And...Jericho was hit with a pancake.

* * *

><p>"Haha, that last one was a classic!" exclaimed Maria. "Now it's time to bring out our first guest." she said dully.<p>

"Yeah, she's evil." said Punk.

"She's a bitch." said Maria.

"She's a backstabber." he said.

"She's a bitch." she repeated.

"And she's selfish." finished Punk.

"And a bitch." she said again.

"Babe, you said that already." said Punk.

"Well she's a-" she began.

"A bitch?" asked Batista.

"Yeah! Now, none of us like her, but we gotta bring her out anyway." said Maria.

"But first-" began Punk.

"Can you knock it off with the 'But Firsts' and move on already?" demanded the Glamazon.

"Yeah! My woman-a doesn't-a like to be kept-a waiting!" agreed Santino.

Then, Dave dumped a popcorn bucket over his head.

"HEY!" he cried.

"Just be glad it wasn't soda this time. *gets back on cell phone* Did you get the job done? *pause* WELL, WHAT THE HELL'S TAKING YOU SO LONG? GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR BEFORE I GET TO YOU!" *hangs up*

Everyone stared at him.

"Sorry. Move on." he said.

Maria announced, "Here she is, Michelle McBitch."

"McCool." whispered Punk.

"I know what I said." she replied.

_"You're not enough for me, just another man in love with me. Gotta open up your eyes and see, you're not enough for me..."_

"BOOOOOOOOOO!" jeered everyone, including the commentators.

"Hold me back, Nattie! Hold me back before I KILL her!" Maryse screamed, leaning over Natalya.

Then, she fell down.

"OOF!"

Michelle came out and gave everyone the finger, then hugged Edge.

"Finally, someone of my caliber. Nice to see you again!" he greeted.

"I'm more than happy to see a true friend. Now that Randy isn't anymore." she said.

Then, Michelle and Maria faced each other.

"About time you got booted off." said Maria.

"At least I stayed one hell of a lot longer than you, whore." she replied darkly.

"Skank." Maria replied.

"Ho." Michelle replied.

"Bitch!" Maria exclaimed.

Then, the girls started throwing punches and got into a catfight!  
>"JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" cheered the audience.<p>

"Wrong show, people!" exclaimed Punk. "Yo, Taker, Kane, help me out, will ya?"

The two approached the girls and they immediately stopped fighting and took their seats on the couch, while Michelle moved to the other side of the room.

"Well, that was easy enough." said Kane.

"Ok, cool it down, girls. You won, Maria." he said with a wink.

"Aw, thanks, Punky!" she smiled, kissing him.

Michelle made a gagging noise.

"So, Michelle. How does it feel to be eliminated for the very first time?" asked Punk.

"How the hell do you think it feels?" she demanded. "It was all because of Randy! He was so obsessed over his precious Melina, he totally forgot about me!"

"Well, seems to me your selfishness got you voted off, not Randy." said the Glamazon.

The audience cheered in agreement.

"Nobody asked any of you!" she snapped.

"We've also found out this season that John finally got rid of this pesticide." Maria said.

"Ok, that was Candice's fault! She couldn't keep her prissy little hands off my man, and I ended up getting dumped? What the hell?" she demanded.

"Oh, puh-leese!" scoffed Maryse. "You were so mean to him, why wouldn't he dump you? Hell, he'd rather go out with me than with you! What man wouldn't want a piece of this?" she asked the guys.

"WHOOOOOOOOOO!" they cheered.

"Oh, shut the hell up, you tramp!" Michelle exclaimed. "Or else I'll beat the hell outta you, too!"

"Like you can really do that!" Maryse exclaimed.

Then, she tripped over Natalya again. "Why won't you do anything?" she asked her.

No reply.

"Ok, so over the past few weeks, here's what everyone's been wondering. Is Michelle still attracted to John, or does she have a crush on Randy?" asked Punk.

"I can explain-" began Michelle.

*BEEP!*

"Oh, look! We've got a fan via email." announced Maria. "Hello, you're on the air, who's speaking?"

Then, Randy's face appeared on screen.

"Aw, jeez." Punk said dully.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" jeered almost everyone, but Edge still clapped.

Then, everyone looked towards Nattie to see if she'd go crazy, but she didn't.

"Orton, what do you want?" asked Maria.

"I need to clear things up with Michelle." he said.

"I don't want to hear about your adventures with little miss Latina, all right?" she demanded.

"Michelle, listen." he said.

"HEYA!" greeted Edge.

"Wh-Hey, man. Anyway, I really felt bad voting you off, but it was either you or Melina, and…it was just a really tough decision." he said.

"So, Melina's more important than me?" she asked.

"You're both equally important, ok? Hey, I could've voted myself off to save you both the trouble." he said.

"Really?" she asked.

"ARE YOU KIDDING? HELL NO, I WANT MY MONEY!" he screamed.

"Too bad we can't shut him up." said Taker.

"Good bye, Randy." she said, turning around.

"Hey, wait a minute...!" he cried as the monitor was turned off.

"Ok, that's enough of him." said Maria. "Now then..."

"LOOK OUT!" exclaimed Punk.

Everyone looked up to see a ceiling fan fall down towards them!

"AAAAHHH!" cried Maria and Michelle.

Punk saved Maria, and Michelle leaped out of the way, barely missing it.

"DAMN!" cried Maryse. "It didn't work."

"...Ook. After we try to recover from that almost tragic incident, enjoy these commercials." Punk said shakily.

"Stay tuned." Maria said slyly, making out with him.

"On the floor, babe?" Punk asked in surprise. "We're still on TV, you know."

"Hehe." she giggled.

* * *

><p>"Hey, you guys, welcome back to the TWA Chatterbox!" announced Maria.<p>

"Ok, it's time to bring out our next guest. This woman's elimination was one of the most shocking eliminations of the season so far." said Punk.

"And here she is, the happy-go-lucky girl of the hour, Mickie James!" announced Maria.

When her theme music played, everyone cheered.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they cheered.

She waved and blew kisses to everyone, then hugged Maria and Punk.

"FOR THE LAST FRIGGIN TIME, GET ON THE DAMN CASE ALREADY!" Dave shouted on his cell. "WHEN I SAY NOW, I MEAN NOW!" he hung up.

Everyone stared at him again.

"What? Pay attention to her, not me!" he exclaimed.

"What's his deal?" asked Mickie.

"No idea." replied Punk. "So, Mickie, how's elimination treating you?"

"Well, it's sad not to be able to win the money, but I've had a good time being in the competition." she explained.

"Mickie, you ok? You're not as peppy as you usually are." said Maria.

"It's not a big deal. Just relationship problems." she replied.

"Something going on with you and Matt?" asked Punk.

"Yeah. It's a long and complicated story." she said. "You see-"

_"Oh, yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaahhhhh...whoo!...I can slap a tornado, I can dry up a sea, yeah. When I live for the moment, there ain't no ain't knowing me..."_

Everyone looked surprised.

"Wait, Punky, was it time to bring him out yet?" asked Maria.

"No." he replied, confused.

Matt stormed out, furious.

"Matt! How dare you interrupt my time on the air?" demanded Mickie.

He looked at her. "Let me see the microphone." he said darkly.

"What?"

He snatched it from her. "Jeff, if you're watching this, listen closely. Once again, you had to take the glory for still being on the show after I was eliminated. If you think you're gonna be the star in the family, you're wrong."

Then, Mickie snatched the microphone back from him. "You see? This is why I have problems with him! He's just jealous of Jeff instead of being happy for him!" she announced.

"So, this is what this whole fight's about?" asked Punk.

"Let's let them continue. Ratings are gonna go up the roof!" Maria said with a smile.

"Mickie, stay out of it!" he exclaimed.

"No, I will NOT stay out of it! You, me, Jeff, and Kelly used to be the Four Musketeers! We used to hang out together all the time! Now that you have this new, snotty attitude, it's just Jeff, Kelly, and I!" she exclaimed.

"FIGHT!" shouted Santino.

"SHUT UP!" Matt and Mickie screamed at him.

"I'm-a sorry." he said quietly.

"For your own information, I'm out of this little 'Four Musketeers'." he said.

"But Matt, your own brother!" she exclaimed. "How the hell can you be this way?"

"Jeff Hardy is no longer my brother, understand? I want nothing to do with him anymore. Jeff, hope you're still listening. Since I was eliminated so early in the game, I'll be sure you won't win again. Your elimination time's coming soon, be sure of it." Matt said darkly.

"You heard it, folks. Sibling rivalry just took a turn for the worse." announced Punk.

"STILL? WELL, HEAR THIS! JUST LET ME HANDLE IT AND STICK THIS IN YOUR ASS!" screamed Batista, hanging up the phone.

Then, everyone watched as he stormed off the stage.

"…What just happened?" asked Maria.

"I don't know. I tell ya, everyone. It's one issue after another." replied Punk. "So, Mickie, Matt, let's play another game. One of you is gonna sit up on that ledge up there, above that tank of piranhas. And everyone has to throw this baseball at the target so that the person will fall."

Silence.

"What the hell does this have to do with anything?" asked Mickie.

"We're trying to lighten the mood around here. Now, who wants to volunteer first?" asked Maria.

"She will." Matt said, lifting her up onto the ledge.

"Hey! What the-let me down!" she exclaimed.

Then, as Matt was about to aim the baseball towards the target...

*VROOM VROOM*

"What's that?" asked Maria.

Then, a man on a motorcycle crashed through the wall and appeared onstage!

Everyone gasped.

"Matt Hardy, you let her down right now!" Jeff exclaimed, taking off his helmet.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered.

"Jeff Hardy's in the house!" announced Punk.

"Wow, what's gonna happen next?" Maria exclaimed.

Jeff glared angrily at Matt, then quickly waved hello to the audience before turning back to his brother.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Matt asked darkly.

"I heard what you said about getting me off the show. Well, guess what? It's not gonna work. I find it really sad that you're jealous of me instead of being happy for your own brother."

Then, Punk said, "Hey, guys, we've got a caller. You're on the air, what do you have to say?"

_"Yeah, what's with all this barbaric violence? Especially between brothers! You two need to forgive and forget so we can all live in peace again. Can't we all just get along? Where's the love?"_

Then, Matt hung up the phone. "Good bye."

"Anyway, Matt, look what you're doing to your own girlfriend! You want her to get bitten by a piranha?" he demanded.

Mickie jumped down and joined him. "Don't worry, Jeff. He's not my boyfriend anymore." she said, glaring at him.

"Oh, really?" he demanded.

"Yeah! We are through!" she shouted to him.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered.

"Wow! You heard it first, folks! Mickie just broke up with Matt!" exclaimed Maria.

"Only on the TWA Chatterbox!" agreed Punk.

"Ok. I don't care. I only care about myself, anyway. I don't care about any of you." he replied.

"Whatever." Mickie said sadly.

Then, Maryse accidentally knocked down Natalya (in cardboard form), but soon after that, the REAL Natalya flew out on a rope!

"WHERE'S RANDY? I HEARD HIS VOICE EARLIER! I KNOW HE'S HERE!" she exclaimed.

"Uh, we're in the middle of something!" said Punk.

"Can I be a guest on the show again?" she asked. "I need to see Randy!"

"You already had your turn!" exclaimed Maria.

"Is Randy here?" she asked.

Everyone stared at her.

"Ok, can someone get her outta here?" demanded Punk.

Then, Chef Big Show came back and said, "Ok, Nattie, back to the psychiatric ward for you." he said, trying to get her off the rope.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she laughed wildly, kicking him into the tank!  
>"HEY! OW!" he exclaimed. "This ain't fun! I didn't even torture you today!"<p>

While Nattie escaped, Jeff checked on Mickie.

"Mickie, you gonna be all right?" he asked his friend.

She sniffled. "I'll be all right. Thanks." she smiled.

He smiled back. "No problem." he replied, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I'll take care of him for you."

"Oh, and what the hell are you gonna do?" demanded Matt.

"We're gonna settle this the old fashioned way. You and me, man. Bring it!" exclaimed Jeff.

"I don't have to fight you!" he exclaimed. "As a matter of fact, I'm outta here!"

Then, Jeff leaped over a chair and tackled his brother to the ground!  
>Matt leaped up and said, "Listen here, ex -Little Brother. I am, and always will be the better one in the family, and you'll just have to find a way to accept it!"<p>

"Oh, yeah, Big Brother? Well, I say I really don't give a damn!" he cried, chasing him all around the stage.

"JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" cheered the audience.

"WRONG SHOW, PEOPLE!" exclaimed Punk.

"Kane, Taker, we need security!" exclaimed Maria.

While they crept up to them, Matt and Jeff yelled, "BACK OFF, WILL YA?"

"Ok!" scoffed Taker.

"Sheesh, we'll go! Touchy." said Kane.

"YEAH! Let's watch them beat each other to a pulp!" exclaimed Edge. "Then we won't have to deal with either of them!"

"Shut up, Edge." said Maria.

As the guys kept on fighting, another fan from the ceiling fell down, while everyone barely dodged it.

Punk and Maria were terrified again, as the boys ignored it and kept on fighting.

"Well, that's all the time we have for today." announced Punk. "And I believed we all learned a very important lesson for today."

"Never wear red with yellow?" asked Maria.

"No, babe. Never betray your brother, turn on your friend for your enemy, or just turn plain crazy like Nattie. We'll see you guys again when we see ya!" said Punk.

"AAH!" Maria exclaimed as a sofa flew past their heads. "Stay beautiful, everyone." she said meekly.


	20. Episode 16

Total WWE Action!: The Take Over, The Breaks Over

Episode 16

"What's good, hypocrites? This is the codebreaker, Chris Jericho here with another shocking episode of TWA coming up next! Two weeks ago, the theme was a war scene, with 3 military-based challenges up for the contestants' torturing! The first challenge sent both teams up in airplanes tons of feet in the air, while their goal was to land to the ground safely. On Smackdown's side, Shawn ditched the team while everyone else was still trying to figure out how to get a move on. Competition rose on Raw's side when Jeff begged his team to use his idea. Randy didn't give him a second thought, but before they could do anything, the team was sent flying off their plane after a $25,000 chase, haha. Team Smackdown was taking too much of my precious time so I decided to help them out. Team Raw won the first challenge, but Jeff was determined to prove himself leader material to his team. In the second challenge, which was an explosives contest, Team Smackdown dominated Team Raw after Jeff's plan for the team went up in smoke, but he wasn't finished yet! In the third and final challenge, both teams had to play a game of capture the Box, where Team Smackdown had to defend their Wonderful Box of Wonderment from Team Raw. At that point, Jeff declared himself leader of his team for the day, while shutting up Randy at the same time. Michelle decided to go against their plans, however, when Team Smackdown was able to outsmart them in every way possible, sending them the win for the day! At the elimination ceremony, it was Michelle and Melina in the bottom two, and it turns out that everyone, even Randy voted Michelle off! But as usual, she wasn't one to leave without a threat. This week, will things between Randy and Melina heat up? Who will be a new addition to Team Raw? And will Jeff take leadership too far? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was early in the day, and everyone was inside having breakfast...<p>

"Hardy, if it wasn't for Michelle, you would've left last week!" exclaimed Orton. "You had to be a 'leader', which practically cost us the win. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"You listen to me, Orton. Last week just went wrong. It was bad luck, ok?" he asked.

"Story of your life." Orton replied.

Then, Jeff angrily shoved his breakfast (which was expired applesauce and rocks) in Orton's face.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" he demanded, looking like a mess.

"Had to find some use for that crap." Jeff replied.

Melina and Kelly laughed.

"WHATEVER!" Randy replied. "The point is, I was born to be leader and you never could be leader unless hell freezes over!"

"If I could get another chance, I'd be the best damn captain around! Last week didn't count, all right? This week-" he began.

"OH, no! 'This week' nothing! You had your one and only chance last week, and you blew it! I'm back in charge to whip this team back into shape!" Orton replied, cleaning himself off.

"No, Randy!" argued Kelly. "Last week really did go wrong, it wasn't Jeff's fault! We gotta give him another chance this week, because I definitely know he could do the job."

"Aw, thanks, Kel!" Jeff replied, giving her a kiss.

"No problem, sweetie! I totally support you. What about you, Melina?" she asked.

Before she could answer, Randy said, "Don't listen to either of them, Mel. I am the better captain around here. You gotta be on my side."

"Uh.." she said, confused. "I really can't choose, you guys. You're both my friends! I'm not taking sides."

"Mel, I know you like Randy now, but we've been through a lot. Remember that time we were back on the island and you gave us those friendship bracelets? See, I still have mine." Jeff told her. "You gotta pick me."

"Jeff, I know, but Randy-" she started.

"I'm her boyfriend!" he interrupted.

"WHAT?" the other three exclaimed in shock.

"Boyfriends are more important than friends, so I'm still team captain!" he exclaimed.

"Randy, you're not my boyfriend!" exclaimed Melina. "We're just friends, remember? Where'd you get that silly idea?"

"Well, I-uh-FINE!" he exclaimed, leaving. "I don't care anymore!"

"Wait, Randy!" called Melina. "Is he mad at me? Did I say something wrong?"

"Frankly, Mel, you did the smart thing. You got him out of the room." Jeff replied.

As soon as Randy took a walk outside, someone bagged him in a potato sack and fled the scene!

...

On Smackdown's side...

"So, Hunter, freedom at last, huh?" Shawn asked him.

"Hell yeah, man!" he exclaimed. "I had to wear that damned brace for 6 weeks too many. It was horrible. The whole time I couldn't eat anything solid, everything had to be force-fed like they do to the elderly. *shudders* I never want to get old."

"I'm guessing you'll be after Big Show for revenge, right?" asked Candice.

"No doubt. I'll find that same shovel he hurt me with and whack his head off." he replied.

Cena chuckled. "Good plan. He cost us a member of the team, after all. Well, consider yourself lucky you haven't really eaten much in 6 weeks." he said.

"Why?"

"Dude! You've been missing out on all the crap Big Show's been serving us lately!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, frozen waffles, mildew-infested jell-o, chicken fat..." began Shawn.

"He even fed us dirt and passed it off as granulated cocoa pebbles." agreed Candice.

"Wow...that-that's just wrong." Hunter said, stunned. "Well, this coffee tastes pretty decent." he said, taking a slurp.

"It's mud." John said quickly.

Hunter quickly spat out the mud.

"Ok, I'm gonna go take this crap back to Big Show and tell him to stick this up his ass!" Hunter exclaimed.

"Don't try it, man. I made a complaint to him over the rotten milk." said Shawn.

"And?"

"And he tossed me in a washing machine. I can sure tell he doesn't use it much." he replied.

"Well then. I guess I'll go look for the good food in Big Show's secret stash outside. BRB." Hunter said, leaving.

"Bring us Twinkies!" called Candice.

When he was walking outside, someone tossed a rope around him and dragged him away!

A few minutes later, neither Orton nor Hunter returned, leaving their teams worried for them (mostly Hunter)...

"I'm getting worried about Randy." Melina said. "He's been gone for like, 20 minutes!"

"Maybe he got stuck in that pile of mystery meat outside that Big Show left for the bears like he did last time." Jeff said with a smirk.

He and Kelly laughed while Melina said, "I'm serious, you guys! I think I made him angry."

"Mel, calm down, ok? Randy's like, obsessed with you. He wouldn't be mad at you...then again, he is pretty evil." Kelly said, looking down.

"Kel, I know when you used to date him, things were terrible, but he's really changed recently." she replied.

"Melina, it was way worse than terrible." she replied solemnly.

"Kelly, you ok?" Jeff asked, worried.

"Yeah, it's nothing." she replied.

Before Melina could reply, the other half of the cafeteria chanted, "WE WANT FOOD! WE WANT FOOD! WE WANT FOOD!"

"Hurry it up, Hunter! What's taking ya?" called Shawn.

And instead of Hunter or Randy bursting in the door, it was Jericho.

"AWW!" everyone said disappointedly, while Shawn flung the expired applesauce in his face.

*SPLAT!*

"Nice to see you, too." Jericho said dully, cleaning himself up. "So, my parasites, I bet you're wondering where Orton and Hunter disappeared to."

"Did Orton fall off a cliff?" Jeff asked with hope.

"Nah uh."

"Damn." he muttered.

"Well, follow me and you'll all see what I mean, hahahahahaha." he said, leaving.

"This is gonna be bad, isn't it?" asked Candice.

"Isn't it always?" replied Cena.

Outside, Jericho led everyone to two large glass vaults, with Hunter in one and Randy in the other.

"What happened to you guys?" asked Shawn.

"All I wanted was some Twinkies and Big Show kidnapped me!" Hunter replied.

"I WAS MUGGED, DAMN IT!" screamed Randy.

"Don't mention it, guys." Big Show said, leaving. "Hey, Chris."

"HEY, GET BACK HERE, I GOT A FEW WORDS FOR YA!" Hunter called to him.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Ok, you hypocritical trogs. Here's your first challenge." said Jericho. "As you can see, both Hunter and Orton are trapped in these vaults. Your job is to think up any possible ways you can to free your teammate for the win! Simple enough, right?"

"I hate you." John told him.

"Great! Then get moving while I sip a Martini. Sip sip." he said, getting his lawn chair.

"Get...me...OUTTA HERE!" Randy shouted.

"Do we have to?" Jeff asked dully.

"We gotta if we want to win." said Melina.

"Sweetie, you know, since Randy's trapped in there, this could be your chance to be team captain!" exclaimed Kelly.

"WHAT?" demanded Orton.

He brightened up. "That's right!" he exclaimed. "All right, this thing's made of glass, right? So maybe we just gotta break it with something."

"Hey, how about this axe?" Melina asked, holding up a HUGE one.

Randy gulped.

"I like it. Let me see." he said.

After she gave him the axe, he swung it towards the vault, but instead of breaking it, the axe bounced off the vault, swung towards a tree, missed Jericho, bounced off the tree and then got stuck in a wall behind the vault.

Melina, Kelly, and Randy looked shocked, while Jericho hid behind his chair.

"Oh, crap." Jeff said, blushing.

On Smackdown's side...

"Let me outta here and I'll find you guys some Twinkies!" Hunter called.

"All right, I've got the best idea!" exclaimed Shawn.

"What's up?" asked Cena.

"Why...don't we use this...boulder to break through the glass?" he asked, lifting a very heavy boulder.

"Shawn, that's a great idea!" exclaimed Candice.

"Yeah! Ok, on 3 we slam it right into the glass." said Cena while everyone held the boulder. "1..2.."

"Don't kill me." Hunter said, bracing for impact.

"3!" he exclaimed.

Everyone ran towards the vault and then tossed the boulder towards it, but it didn't break through.

"Damn it!" cried Cena.

"Heh heh, well, easy come, easy go. Sorry, Hunter." Shawn chuckled.

"Happens." he said, defeated.

On Raw's side...

"Well, genius? What do you have planned next?" asked Orton.

"Ok, the axe didn't work, but there's still other options." Jeff said, looking around.

"Let's use that tree trunk over there to break it." said Kelly. "I'm sure that'll work."

Jeff gave her another kiss. "Smart and beautiful. All right, let's use that to charge through the glass and shut Orton up." he said.

After everyone grabbed the tree trunk, Orton slithered in a corner. "You sure you know what you're doing with that?" he asked cautiously.

"Yeah, hope we don't smash you to bits." Jeff replied.

"Do do do do do do!" called Melina. "CHARGE!"

Jeff, Kelly, and Melina sped towards the glass, but the trunk didn't break it, either. Instead, the force of the impact sent the three friends to the ground!

*THUMP!*

"OW!" they all cried.

Randy smirked at Jeff.

"It wasn't my fault!" he exclaimed.

On Smackdown's side...

"Any other ideas, you guys?" asked Cena. "Or else poor Hunter's gonna end up suffocating in there."

"Don't I know it." he muttered.

Candice lit up. "I got it!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, Candy?" asked Shawn.

"Just listen." she said.

Then, she sang a high pitched, _"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"_

Miraculously, the glass cracked a little!

"Whoa." Shawn said in shock.

"YEAH! I'm semi-free!" cheered Hunter.

"Wow, I didn't know you had it in you, Candice." John agreed.

She blushed. "I know." she giggled.

On Raw's side...

"Two failed attempts in a row. Must be a new record for you." Randy said with an evil smile.

"Damn it, will you shut the hell up?" Jeff demanded. "Ok, you guys. Why don't we just get a gun and shoot him out?"

"No guns, dude." replied Jericho. "If anyone gets hurt, my lawsuit is on the line and trust me, nobody wants that!"

"Whatever. Ok, I have one more idea. I heard that really hot water has something to do with breaking glass." he said.

"Yeah, I heard that, too!" exclaimed Melina. "The temperature change causes the glass to become softer, therefore making it easier to break."

"Way to go, Mel!" Kelly exclaimed, giving her a high five.

"All right, then. Let's win this one, you guys!" he exclaimed.

A few minutes later, they got the hot water.

"Here goes nothing." Jeff said, splashing the glass..only, the water bounced off the glass, Jeff ducked, and Kelly and Melina got splashed instead.

"AAHHH!" the girls screamed in pain. "OW OW!"

"Oh, my God! Kelly, Melina, I'm sorry!" Jeff exclaimed, worried.

Randy tapped on the glass. "I'm still trapped." he said with a smile.

Jeff glared back at him.

On Smackdown's side...

"Ok, we just need one more way to get him outta there." said Candice.

"God, I'm starving. You know, that mud coffee sounds pretty good right about now." Hunter said from inside.

"He's getting delusional." said John. "We gotta do something fast."

Then, Big Show came around with a bucket of KFC hot wings. "Hey, all. Have you tried KFC's new grilled chicken today?" he asked.

After that, the scent of the hot wings got inside the vault, and Hunter was hypnotized. "Food. FOOD!" he exclaimed.

"By George, that's it!" Shawn exclaimed happily, snatching the hot wings from Big Show.

"HEY! I had to beat the crud out of an intern for those!" he exclaimed.

"Come and get it, Hunter." Shawn said, waving the box in front of the vault. "Hot wings, fresh from the oven."

"...Hot wings..." Hunter replied.

"Hot wings with your name all over them." he replied. "Better get em before it's too late." he said, holding the box over Jericho.

"Hey, do you mind-hey, hot wings." he said, taking one.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Hunter exclaimed, breaking out of the vault and charging towards Jericho.

"HELP! HELP! I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP!" Jericho cried.

After Hunter stole the wings from Jericho, he got up and said, "And that means, Team Smackdown wins the first contest!"

"WHOO!" they cheered.

"Rock on." Hunter cheered, munching his wings.

"All righty then, since those worms won, it's time to move onto our second challenge! Let's go." said Jericho.

"Nice job, captain. Very nice job." said Randy. "You're an inspiration to the hopeless all across the world."

"Ladies, let's leave him here to rot." Jeff said darkly, leading the way.

"Hmph!" Kelly scoffed at Randy, following Jeff.

Melina sympathetically looked at Randy and then said, "I'm sorry, Randy. They need me."

"Aren't I more important to you than them, Melina?" asked Orton. "Since we're 'just friends'."

"Randy, I'm not gonna explain this to you again-" she began.

"Melina, come on!" called Kelly.

"Be right with you!" she called back. "Sorry, Randy, I have to go."

After she ran off, he just glared at all of them with evil eyes.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Melina: "I don't know why Kelly was so upset over Randy earlier. She has to see that he's really changed, at least, to me. I don't know if it was something I said, but I hope he isn't mad at me or anything."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Ok, you parasites. Your second challenge is gonna be crazy and exciting at the same time, you know why?" Jericho asked excitedly.<p>

Everyone just stared at him.

"...Yeah. Anyways, both teams need to come up with a plan to rob a bank successfully. Well, first, you gotta find the bank, trust me, it's hidden in a very special place. You can make your own equipment, do whatever the hell you want, I don't care, but WHATEVER you do, DO NOT use a real gun. Remember, anyone gets hurt, I get-"

"Sued! Sued, we get it, now shut your face!" John exclaimed, annoyed.

Jericho looked insulted. "Well! Just go then! Just trying to be nice around here." he muttered.

Team Smackdown went to the guys' trailer to discuss plans...

"Wow, I've never been in here." Candice said shakily. "And I'm glad."

"Just what is wrong with our living conditions?" asked Shawn.

"Jeez, it's just...don't you guys ever clean up around here?" she winced, picking up a sock.

"We're men, Candice! We don't have to clean up after ourselves. We're free to live the American dream." Hunter said proudly.

"Aw! Who left this under the bed?" Cena demanded, holding up a pizza box with a rotting piece inside.

"Oh, my God!" Candice exclaimed, holding her nose.

"Never mind that!" Shawn exclaimed, tossing the box outside. "Maybe Big Show'll pick that up later. Anyway, we've got a job to do. How are we supposed to make our own equipment?"

"Well, since there's a lot of junk around here, why don't you use that to help us?" she asked.

"Junk?" demanded Hunter.

"No, she's right." replied Cena. "Look, we got these old socks we can use as masks-"

"Sorry to interrupt, but I am NOT putting that on my face!" Candice exclaimed.

"Ok, uh, here, use these." he said, giving her his cap and a du-rag.

"Cool!" she exclaimed.

"Hey, look! We don't have any type of water gun, but we got the next best thing!" exclaimed Hunter.

"What do you mean?" asked Shawn.

"Turkey basters!" he announced.

The three just looked at him.

"Yeah. Yeah, people are gonna fear us. Yeah." John said slowly.

...

Meanwhile, Team Raw (equipped with Nerf guns and water bombs) was searching for the bank, but would they find it?

"Uh, you guys?" asked Jeff. "Listen, I'm really sorry about what happened back there."

"You tried, Jeff, that's all that matters." Kelly said, taking his hand. "And there's still time today to redeem yourself. I know you'd make an awesome leader, I really do."

"Kelly, you're just way too awesome for always supporting me like this. That's just one of the million reasons why I love you." he said, smiling at her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Aww, you have a million reasons for me? Well, I have a billion reasons why I love you." Kelly said with a giggle.

"A billion?" he asked with a laugh. "I didn't know I was so special."

"More special than anyone I've ever known." she smiled, giving him a kiss.

While they made out, they turned around to find Melina sulking around.

"Hey, Mel, you ok?" asked Jeff.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm fine." she said with a smile.

"Are you sure? You've been out of it all day." said Kelly.

"If there's something on your mind, you can tell us." agreed Jeff.

"It's just Randy. I've been thinking about him all day." she replied. "Seriously, I'm probably worrying for nothing. Let's keep looking."

While she walked ahead, Kelly and Jeff wondered whether their friend was really all right.

Meanwhile, Team Smackdown was searching for the bank, too...

The guys wore the socks over their faces, Candice wore Cena's hat and his du-rag, and they were all equipped with grease-filled turkey basters.

"Guys, what exactly did you put in these things?" asked Candice.

"Well, uh, we really wanted to scare whoever was at the bank, so we thought we'd scare them with...chicken grease." Shawn said slowly.

"Yeah, you know, from the KFC." added Hunter.

"That's just unhealthy and disgusting!" she exclaimed. "You do not spray people with chicken grease...lizard pee is way better." she smiled, taking out her own turkey baster.

The guys smiled. "Sweet!" exclaimed Shawn and Hunter.

"You know, Candice, I'm really amazed by you today." John said with a smile.

"Just being one of the boys, I guess." she replied. "And John?"

"Yeah?"

"Call me Candy like you used to. I really liked that." she said, blushing.

He blushed back. "Well, let's get a move on, eh Candy?" he asked with a smile.

"Where would Jericho hide that bank?" asked Shawn. "It shouldn't be that hard to find."

"God, I'm starving again." Hunter announced. "Anything to eat around here?"

"Eat? You just had a box of 18 wings!" he exclaimed.

"Shawn, I haven't eaten real food in 6 weeks. That measly little box isn't gonna cut it." he replied.

"Well, we'll get food later, first we need to find this bank." said John.

Then, Big Show crossed the field with a box of Twinkies. "Hey, all! Look, I got a new installment of Twinkies and you can't have any! Hahahahahaha!" he laughed.

Hunter was getting angry.

"Dude, no." said John. "Don't do it."

"I have been looking for those all damn day, you big oaf!" Hunter cried, tackling Big Show for the goods.

"HEY, HEY, HEY!" Big Show cried.

"We better go help Hunter before he hurts himself." Shawn said dully.

...

Meanwhile, Team Raw would finally find the bank, with a surprise guest inside...

"I can't believe we have to use these paper bags as masks." said Melina. "We didn't have anything better?"

"I couldn't find anything." replied Jeff. "Besides, robbers have used these things before."

Kelly and Melina looked at him.

"Desperate robbers, ok, but they used them." he said quickly.

"Did Jericho send us on a wild goose chase? I don't see anything!" exclaimed Kelly.

"Jericho's a slick one, Kel. He's probably hidden it underground or something." replied Jeff.

"Or maybe behind this bush?" Melina asked, revealing a run-down looking bank.

"Good eye, Melina! Let's go." he replied.

They crept into the empty bank, where there was someone at a desk with a bag over their head.

"Should we sneak up on them or just go at em?" whispered Kelly.

"I say we sneak up to the desk, and then scare the crap outta them. Follow me." replied Jeff.

As soon as they reached the front desk, Melina threw a water ball at the teller.

The teller whipped around.

"Where's the money?" Jeff demanded, pointing his pretend gun at the teller.

Silence.

"Answer me! Give me the damn money or else I'll shoot!" he cried.

Then, the teller shrugged and took off the bag, to reveal...

"You rang?" Dave Batista asked with a smile, tossing the bag aside.

Jeff and Melina looked totally shocked, while Kelly found the bag over her head. "MMM?" she cried, shocked.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, Team Smackdown arrived to see the surprise.<p>

"Hey, we made it-Dave?" Shawn cried in shock.

"I'm back in business, everyone. And I'm damn proud of it." he replied.

"What are you doing back here? How'd you get here?" asked Cena.

"I just did. That's all I'm telling you." he replied.

Then, Jericho popped in from out of nowhere. "Here I am! Ok, here's the thing. Since Team Raw won this contest first and found Dave, he gets to choose which team gets this bag of money." he said.

"There's money in that thing?" asked Hunter. "Pick us, man!"

"No, pick us! We need it!" exclaimed Melina.

"Eh, I'll give it to Smackdown's team because I like their style." Dave said, tossing the money to them.

"YAY!" they cried while team Raw glared at him.

"Hey-hey, this isn't money! It's a bag of leaves!" John cried angrily.

"Yeah, I know." Jericho said with a smile.

John tossed the leaves in his face.

"HEY! Ok, since Team Smackdown got the 'money', Team Raw, you get the consolation prize, which is Dave Batista instead.

"WHAT?" they all exclaimed.

"Hey, isn't Orton on this team? Aw, damn it!" Dave cried.

"All right then! Now that that's done, let's move on to part three of today's challenge!" he exclaimed.

Later, Jericho led the gang to the top of a really big hill...

"Ok, you parasitic tapeworms, here's your third and final challenge. You have to build a getaway car, and make sure it's a damn good one because after that, you have to race it down the hill, and basically, the first car to make it to the finish line, wins for today. Now, move it, womies!" he cried.

Then, Shawn had enough and shoved Jericho down the hill!

"MICHAELS!..." he exclaimed angrily, rolling down the hill.

"Happy trails!" he waved back.

"Heh heh, nice one!" exclaimed John.

A few minutes later, both teams worked on their cars...

"Guys, watch the pro at work." Cena said proudly.

"Cena, you think your can build a world class car in under 35 seconds, then you're out of your-" began Hunter.

Lo and behold, Cena DID build a world class car, with working brakes, a working steering wheel, and all the works all in under 35 seconds!

"You were saying?" he asked with a smile.

"Show off." Hunter muttered.

On Raw's side...

"Ok, all of you listen to me and listen good. I'm back in this game and since I have to be on Orton's team, I'm taking charge around here, understood?" demanded Dave.

When Jeff heard the words 'I'm taking charge', he slowly turned around with an angry look.

"What?" he asked darkly.

"You heard me. I'm team captain around here." Dave replied.

"Ok, I know you're new here, but you don't make the rules. I'M team captain, so get used to it." Jeff replied.

"I don't have to get used to anything! I'm making myself captain and you can't say or do anything about it!" Dave replied.

"Oh, is that what you think? Listen to me, I've been trying to make myself heard around here for weeks now, and when I finally get a chance to be a leader around here, you pop in and say otherwise. Well, you know what? I don't give a (bleep) about what you or anyone else thinks! So right now, we're gonna stop (bleep)-ing around, I'm taking (bleep)-ing charge, and we're gonna (bleep)-ing win this race!" Jeff exclaimed.

Everyone, even the other team was dead silent.

"Watch the language!" called Shawn.

"What the hell's your problem?" demanded Dave.

Jeff ignored him and started working on the car on his own.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Dave: "Ok, I don't know what his problem is, but I worked my ass off to make it back on this show and I'm not gonna let him bring me down! He needs to drop the attitude because he does not want to mess with me."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, the race was about to begin, while Team Raw's car wasn't even finished yet...<p>

"All right, gang, ready to take this baby on a spin?" asked John.

"YEAH!" they all cheered.

Then, John drove the car down the hill, while they sped down around 60 mph!

"GERONIMO!" called Shawn.

"Are you finished yet?" demanded Dave. "If you haven't noticed, we're losing by a mile."

Jeff just glared at him and got back to work.

"Jeff, you need any help?" asked Melina.

"That's ok. Now I'm finished." he replied.

"Hallelujah, let's move!" Dave exclaimed, hopping in the car. Only, he didn't see when he accidentally kicked a tire, flattening it.

"Dave!" Jeff, Kelly, and Melina exclaimed.

"Oops." he said. "Sorry."

"See what you did?" Jeff exclaimed. "Now I gotta go find another tire!"

"We can't, sweetie. We don't have enough time to get another one, let's just race on three tires. Doesn't hurt to try." replied Kelly.

"All right, we can do that. Let's go." he said, hopping in the front seat.

They started the car and went down the hill, but the flat tire sent them riding all over the place!

"Oh, great, this deathtrap's gonna kill us!" Dave exclaimed.

"No, it's not!" Jeff called back. "Just hold on!"

He swerved left and right, then left again, until more tires blew out.

"Uh, Jeff?" Melina called, realizing that there weren't any tires left.

"DAMN IT!" he cried angrily.

"Let's just run this thing down the hill! We don't have any other choice!" called Dave. "Move!"

They had no choice but to follow his plan and run the car down the hill.

"Yabba Dabba Doo!" Melina called.

On Smackdown's side...

"We're in the clear, team." John said, leaning back.

"John, look out!" cried Candice.

He immediately looked up. "Crap!" he exclaimed.

"AAAHH!" they exclaimed, riding straight through a bush, up a ramp, and in the air headed for a billboard with Jericho's face on it!

They crashed through his face and Shawn said, "Hey, we gave Jericho a makeover!"

Then, they landed back on the ground, only a few feet from the finish line!

"Hell to the yeah! Let's do this!" exclaimed Hunter.

But before they could do anything, the car slowed to a stop.

"Hey, what's going on?" demanded Candice.

"Damn it. Car's outta fuel." replied Cena.

"Well, there's no need to worry. The other team's nowhere around here." said Hunter.

Then, Team Raw appeared, still running their car down the hill, but then Dave tripped, bumping into Melina, who bumped into Kelly, who bumped into Jeff, and then the car fell apart all at the same time. "OW!-OOF!" they all cried.

Seeing this, Cena, Candice, Shawn, and Hunter all leaped out of their car and quickly pushed it over the finish line!  
>"Well then." replied Hunter.<p>

"Team Smackdown wins for today!" exclaimed Jericho, coming out of nowhere.

"WHOOOO!" they cheered.

"And Team Raw, let's head to the elimination ceremony, shall we?" he asked with a smile.

"UHH." they all groaned.

* * *

><p>Later...<p>

Team Smackdown decided to join them while Jericho said, "Ok, parasites, here's what's what. You can vote for anyone except for Dave."

"What-why?" they demanded.

"Because if Dave goes, his lawyers'll sue me! I can't have that, so just do the right thing and listen to me!" he exclaimed. "Ok, use your voting things...now!"

A few seconds later...

"Time's up! Ok, hey, wait a damn minute here!" Jericho exclaimed. "Did I not just say you couldn't vote for Dave?"

"Jericho, it's not fair!" exclaimed Melina. "So what if he has a lawsuit? We were all here before he was!"

"Well, I got three votes for Dave here, so I'm assuming that you three did it." he said, looking at her, Jeff, and Kelly.

"Well, who'd you vote for?" Kelly asked Dave.

"Someone with an attitude problem, if you ask me." he replied, looking towards Jeff.

"Wait, you voted for me?" he demanded. "What the hell, man?"

"Ooh. Well, only Dave's vote counts so Jeff, you've been eliminated today." Jericho replied, giving awards to Kelly, Melina, and Dave.

Everyone gasped in shock.

"NO!" cried Kelly. "No way!"

"This is B.S.!" exclaimed Melina. "He doesn't deserve to go!"

Surprisingly, Jeff smiled a little. "Well, I guess it was gonna happen sooner or later."

"Speech!" cried everyone else.

"Hey, he was the one who lost the game for us!" exclaimed Dave.

"Speech!" they cried again, ignoring him.

"Wait!" called Kelly. "We want you to have these, sweetie."

Melina and Kelly handed him their awards.

"Aw, you guys, I couldn't!" he said with a smile.

Then, Melina snatched Dave's award and gave that to him, too. "No, you totally deserve these."

"Hey!" called Dave.

He walked up to the podium and said, "I guess I kinda deserve to go, I mean, I let all this leadership get to my head and now I'm out. But hey, with Orton out of the picture, my team members were the best friends a guy could ask for. Melina, you never took crap from anyone who got in your way and you kicked ass just to make things right again. And Kelly, we've totally had a blast being on the show together and I won't forget any second of it. I'd thank the rest of you guys on the other team, but I don't have time so just don't give each other a hard time-" he said.

"Ok, time's up." Jericho said, dragging him away.

"Wait, don't cut me off yet, I'd like to thank the academy, all my fans out there, you guys rule-whoa!" he cried, being dragged away.

"Time is up!" Jericho said sternly.

After the three shared a group hug and Team Smackdown clapped for him, Kelly said, "I guess this is it. It's like Deja Vu again."

"Yeah, last year you had to go first and this year it's the other way around. But don't worry, Kel, you'll survive this competition without me, I know you can." he said, taking her hands.

"It won't be the same, though. I'll miss you so much." she replied.

"I'll miss you, too. I'll call you, ok?" he asked.

"Sure." she replied before they kissed. "I love you."

"I love you, too." he replied, heading to the limo.

While the limo drove away, everyone waved good-bye to him while he signaled goodbye through the sunroof.

"Kelly, are you gonna be ok?" asked Melina.

"No." she replied, beginning to cry.

"It's ok, sweetie. You'll see him again." she said soothingly, hugging her.

"Guys, all good things must come to an end!" exclaimed Dave. "Now, I'm back in charge."

"Oh, stuff it!" Kelly exclaimed, storming off with Melina.

"What'd I say?" he asked.

"Why do I have the feeling we forgot something?" asked Jericho.

Meanwhile, Randy was still trapped in the glass vault from earlier. "Hello? HELLO? SOMEBODY ANSWER ME!" he cried.

"Naw." Jericho replied, shaking his head.


	21. Episode 17

Total WWE Action!: BYOB (Buy Your Own Bone)

Episode 17

"What's goin on, parasites all over TV Land? Y2J, Chris Jericho here with another unpredictable episode of TWA coming right up! Last time, Randy and Jeff got all up in each other's business once jealousy reared its head. The two tried to get Melina and Kelly on their sides on who'd be team leader, but Melina had a hard time choosing. Not long after that, Randy dropped a bombshell-he was Melina's boyfriend! Psych! I bet he was only saying that for mercy. Either way, Melina rejected him, and Orton, well, he was pissed. After Orton left, followed by Hunter, who was desperate for a little snack, were both kidnapped by Big Show! Haha, which was for the contest, in which both teams had to find a way to free both Orton and Hunter from their traps. Jeff realized that then was his time to shine as new leader, but unfortunately for him and the team, all of their plans went downhill. On Smackdown's side, Cena, Candice, and Shawn all tried a bunch of ways to free Hunter, until KFC came their way. After that, Hunter charged after the box, and won for Team Smackdown. The second challenge saw both teams having to rob a bank successfully, with a surprise waiting for the first team that got there. Team Raw made it there first to meet the bank teller, who was none other than Dave Batista himself! After that, Team Smackdown got a prize of money (which really wasn't), and Team Raw received a prize of Dave. The third challenge was a contest to see who could build a getaway car and race it to the finish line. Now that Dave was back, he declared himself the new team leader, and our pal Jeff wasn't too thrilled about that! He was so pissed, that he totally cursed him out! The race pretty much belonged to Smackdown, once Team Raw crashed and burned right before victory. At the elimination ceremony, everyone pretty much wanted Dave off, but due to contract negotiations, only his vote counted, and in one of the most shocking eliminations of the season, Jeff was sent home next. This week, will Melina and Randy get even closer? And how will everyone deal with Dave, who's back with a vengeance? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was the beginning of another day...<p>

In the girls trailer...

"Wow, girls, this trailer's getting so empty now, isn't it?" asked Candice.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." agreed Melina. "I miss Mickie and Maria, but I'm SO glad that Michelle's gone! Right, Kelly?"

Instead of saying anything, she sadly looked at a picture of Jeff and herself.

"Kel? Are you ok?" asked Candice.

"Hmm? I guess." she replied. "I just really miss Jeff. We're hardly ever apart for this long."

"Kel, it's gonna be ok." replied Melina. "He wants you to stay in the competition for as long as you can. You know, like he did for you last year."

"Yeah, and he kept his promise and ended up winning!" agreed Candice. "You want to stay in the competition for him, right?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I do. It'd be even better if I win." she replied.

"Haha, well, I was kinda hoping to win." replied Candice.

"That's a nice thought, but I'm dead set on winning." replied Melina.

"Uh, really?" Candice asked with a chuckle.

"Ok, I missed out on my chance to win last year, and I'm not making that mistake again." Melina replied.

"What? Melina, I was voted off way earlier than you were back then! I deserve another chance!" Candice argued.

"Uh, girls?" asked Kelly.

"You were voted off for cursing your team with that tiki doll thing that gave us all bad luck!" she argued back.

"Hey, don't bring Lil Candi into this!" she argued. "Besides, I deserve to win, last year you bailed out! You complained way too much and just decided to leave! That isn't how a winner should be."

"Candice, I had my own problems back then, all right?" she demanded. "Don't bring them up again!"

"I'm just trying to tell you why I deserve to win more than you do!" Candice cried.

"No way! I came to redeem myself, and I've made it this far. There's no way I'm leaving now." she replied. "Maybe it's time for you to go."

"Girls!" cried Kelly.

"What, from the competition or from the trailer?" demanded Candice.

"Both would be fine with me, but take your pick." Melina said coldly.

"UGH!" she cried angrily, leaving.

Kelly stopped her. "Candy, wait! Where are you going?" she asked.

"Somewhere. SHE doesn't want me around, so I don't care. I'll go find John. I'll talk to you later, Kelly." she replied, storming off.

"Well, this place got even emptier." Melina said, relaxing on the bed.

"Mel, wasn't that kinda harsh?" asked Kelly. "I think you hurt her feelings."

"Didn't you see what she said to me?" she asked. "I really don't want to think about what happened last year, and she brought it up again!"

"I just wish you two could stop all this fighting." Kelly replied sadly.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Candice: "How dare that Melina talk to me that way! Seems to me like she's going back to her old, evil ways again! Well, as long as I'm still here, I won't let her stop me."

Melina: "I had a horrible time last year back on the island, and Candice had the nerve to remind me again! I'm true to my word, and I'm here to stay, whether she likes it or not!"

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, in the guys' trailer...<p>

"I cannot believe this!" Randy exclaimed angrily. "While my 'team' locked me in that-that THING, I missed out on the elimination I've been waiting forever for! Ever since last year, I've been trying to eliminate Hardy, and when he does go, Dave waltzes back in and does it instead! I can't believe this! I got rid of one enemy, and gained another!..."

John was listening to music, Shawn was playing Solitare, and Hunter was asleep.

"HEY, IS ANYONE LISTENING TO ME?" Randy demanded.

Hunter immediately woke up, Shawn dropped his cards everywhere, and John shot a look at him.

"AW!" cried Hunter. "Thanks a lot, Orton, I was just about to take the magic muffin from Puff the Magic Dragon!"

Then, everyone looked at him.

"Oh, was I dreaming?" he asked, embarrassed.

"Why do you always ignore me? I'm Randy Orton, and I-" he began.

"Just shut up, will ya?" demanded John.

"Yeah, nobody in this room cares about your sad, sad, life." agreed Shawn. "Right, men?"

"Totally." agreed Cena.

"Ditto." agreed Hunter.

Randy growled. "WHATEVER!" he exclaimed.

Then, Dave walked in. "Hey, what's crackin?"

They all glared at him.

"Uh, did I say something wrong?" he asked.

They said nothing.

"Ok, listen, I know everyone's surprised at what happened at the last elimination, but-" he began.

"Dude, we're friends and all, but what you did to Jeff last time was low." replied Hunter.

"Come on, I had my lawyer send a contract on this show, saying that I was legally cleared to stay in the competition. I was and still am invincible." he replied.

"That's not even right." Shawn replied, shaking his head.

"So, since you're back with your pretty little lawyers and such, don't think you're just gonna breeze your way to the winner's circle." John told Dave. "We were all here first, and we all deserve a fair chance at winning."

Then, he looked at Randy.

"Well, you can use your powers to get Randy off, but the rest of us stay!" he finished.

"RAAAAHH!" Orton cried angrily, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Randy: "Ok, I'm sick and tired of those guys always disrespecting me! They're just jealous because last year, NONE of them made it as far on the show as I did! One way or another, I'll PROVE that Randy Orton is true greatness! *woman sprays cologne in his face* HEY!" *cough cough*

Dave: "I don't know what those guys' problems are! Yes, I know everyone's upset that I pretty much voted Jeff off, but like I said before, all good things must come to an end. And believe me, with all the power that I have, Team Raw'll be glad that I'm back."

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>A few minutes later...<p>

Everyone was minding their own business, when a loud *TOOOOOOOOOOOOT!* came from outside.

After that, everyone rushed outside to see what was going on.

"Whoa, who let out a big one?" asked Hunter.

"Sounds like a Big Show special." replied Shawn.

Then out of nowhere, Jericho (dressed in a Tarzan-like loincloth) swung from a vine and headed towards them!

"Oh, my God, Jericho can fly. Everyone duck!" cried Cena.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" everyone cried, getting out of the way.

While Jericho made a war cry, he looked to see himself heading straight for the trailer. "OH, MY GOD!" he cried.

*CRASH!*

He bumped into the trailer, and landed in Big Show's arms. (He was dressed in a loincloth, too.)

"Nice to see that you two finished your man-date." replied Hunter. "Nice duds, dudes."

Everyone laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, now all of you be quiet. Ok, today's challenge is gonna be one hell of a rock fest!" he exclaimed.

"What are we going to a concert or something? With you dressed like an idiot?" asked Melina.

"NO, today, we're going back in time, back when life was simple." he replied. "There were no worries, and good times all around."

"Oh, before we all met you, then?" asked Shawn.

Everyone laughed again.

"SHUT UP!" he cried.

Everyone was quiet.

"Ok, long story short, our theme today is a prehistoric theme! You know, like the Flintstones? You guys know the drill, two challenges today, same as usual." Jericho replied.

"Doesn't sound bad to me." replied Candice.

"And to add a little fun and flavor to today's theme, you guys get to wear these wonderful loincloths made by our one and only Big Show." he replied.

"They're my specialty. Wear them with pride." he said with an evil laugh.

Everyone just stared in shock.

"You've GOT to be kidding me." replied Randy, looking at the clothes.

...

A few minutes later, they arrived to this prehistoric setting, and everyone was wearing their loincloth costumes...

"Hey, these things aren't half bad!" Kelly exclaimed with a smile, wearing a pink one.

"You look nice, Kelly." replied Dave, wearing an orange one.

"Hmph!" she scoffed, turning her back to him.

"Ok, I know of all people, you'd be the most pissed at me, but can we please get over this and move on for the contest?" he asked.

"I am pissed." she replied. "I understand that you're back and everything, but you didn't have to prevent yourself from elimination and let Jeff go instead!"

"Kel, calm down. I'm sure Jeff's watching this somewhere and I'm sure he agrees that I made the right decision." Dave replied.

"UGH!" she cried. "Please don't talk to me, all right?"

"Hey, Melina." Randy said with a wink, wearing a blue loincloth.

She giggled. "Hi Randy. Looking good." she said, wearing a red one.

"Thanks, I work out." he replied. "You're looking pretty nice there yourself."

"Thanks, I work out, too." she replied.

Then, Candice and Cena walked by (wearing green and yellow loincloths, respectively), when Candice glared at Melina and John glared at Randy.

"Who are they staring at?" asked Randy. "Are they jealous of us?"

"I know Candice is." Melina said, glaring at her.

"Ok, do I really have to wear this thing?" asked Hunter, wearing a brown one. "This is pretty damn embarrassing, if you ask me."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." agreed Shawn, wearing a purple one. "Right now, I'm sensing a very uncomfortable draft down there."

"Too much information, dude." Hunter replied.

"Ok, my parasites, here's your first challenge." said Jericho. "Both teams have to start their own fire, using only these lovely little rocks."

He tossed some at them.

"OW-HEY!" they cried.

"Simple as that. First team that starts a fire, wins! C'mon, Big Show, there's a Twinkie delivery coming in today." he told him.

"YES!" he cried, putting Jericho over his shoulder and running away.

Then, everyone tried as hard as they could to start a fire, but nothing seemed to work.

"How the hell does Jericho expect us to do this?" asked John.

"Yeah, you can't make a fire with rocks." agreed Candice.

"Well, team, let's chalk this one up as another of Jericho's dumb ideas." replied Shawn.

"I know it's dumb, but we gotta keep our winning streak going." replied John. "All we can do is try harder."

"Hmm. I see Melina's having a hard time over there, too." Candice said with a smirk.

"Hey, Candy, seems like you and Melina are at each other's throats." said Hunter. "What's going on?"

"Oh, she just thinks that I won't be able to win the million dollars. She thinks that she's got it all, but she bailed out of the competition last year, she doesn't deserve it this time!"

"Ooh, harsh, Candy." replied Shawn.

"Candice, I heard that!" Melina called from the other side.

"Stop listening in on me and my team!" she called back. "See what I mean?"

On Raw's side...

"Oh, I cannot believe her!" Melina said angrily.

"Jeez, I thought all your problems were with Michelle." said Randy.

"Well, I thought all my problems were over, too. Guess not." she replied.

"Well, I don't want anyone talking bad about you, Mel." he replied. "If they do, I'll have a word with them."

"Aww, Randy, you're so sweet!" Melina replied with a smile.

Kelly and Dave looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

"SO, we're here to make fire, not to throw up watching Orton." Dave joked.

He shot a look at him. "Butt out, will ya? I'm talking with Melina here!"

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Randy: "Damn, Melina looks HOT in that outfit! She can be my cavewoman anytime. She's totally falling for me, too. With a little more of the Randy charm, she'll be all mine."

Jericho: *makes a gagging sound*

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>After what seemed like a long time, neither team made a fire yet...<p>

On Smackdown's side...

"Hey, I bet I can make a fire faster than you can!" exclaimed Shawn.

"Heh. You can't beat me." replied Hunter.

"Oh? What makes you think that?" he asked.

"Because, I'm the Game, the Cerebral Assassin, the King of Kings, Triple H! I can do everything bigger and better." he replied.

"You don't scare me! I'm the Showstopper, the Main Event, the Icon, Mr. Wrestlemania, the Heartbreak Kid-" he began.

"GUYS!" shouted John and Candice.

"HBK, Shawn Michaels." he finished quickly. "Long story short, I'll beat you."

"We'll just see about that. Ready, GO!" Hunter cried while they were furiously trying to make a fire.

"Guys, we've been sitting here doing this for three hours straight, nothing's gonna work." replied Candice.

"Aw damn it." Hunter muttered, taking out Kane's flamethrower and using it to make a fire.

"Hey, you cheat!" Shawn cried angrily.

"Well, well. Looks like I made a fire. I win." Hunter replied proudly, looking at the other team.

"DAMN IT!" cried Randy.

"Well, this was a lost cause, anyway." Dave said, tossing the rock away.

"Guys!" Kelly exclaimed, clicking two rocks together and making a fire.

Everyone looked in shock.

"Nice." Dave said slowly.

Later...

"All right, dudes and dudettes, great job on the first challenge!" exclaimed Jericho.

"That I won." Hunter announced.

"Uh, not exactly." he replied.

"Heh?"

"Dude, I saw what happened. You can't use a flamethrower, ESPECIALLY one that belongs to Kane, to win the challenge."

Everyone glared at Hunter.

"Uh, sorry." he said meekly. "No hard feelings?"

" 'I can do everything bigger and better!' " Shawn imitated, glaring at him.

"Dude, I do not sound like that." he replied.

"IF I can finish! Ok, so the second and final challenge for today is an all out Joust war!" he exclaimed. "One person from each team will face off and stand on each of those rock stands over there. Each of you have to try and knock your opponent off of the stand with the bones that I'll give you. And since Team Smackdown didn't win the last challenge, Team Raw gets to use bigger bones."

"AWW-NO FAIR!" Team Smackdown cried.

"MAINTAIN!" he shouted. "Ok, the team that lands in the mud pit down there loses the reward challenge for today. Don't worry, nobody's going home this week, but we're gonna get down and dirty! First up, is Candice vs. uh, Melina. You two've been at it all day today. Let the games begin!"

"You're going down." Melina said darkly.

"I'm not afraid of you, Melina." Candice replied.

"Wait!" called Kelly. "I want to go instead."

"Huh?" everyone asked, surprised.

"I'm tired of all this fighting between you two! You two are my friends, and I hate seeing this. Candice will go against me." she replied.

"Why, Kelly?" Melina asked, surprised.

"Yeah, you didn't do anything." agreed Candice.

"Come on, Candy, let's just get this finished with. You vs. me." she replied.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Kelly: "I just felt that the right thing to do was to step in instead. Like I said, things are going crazy over here! Candice and Melina are fighting, Dave's tearing everyone apart, and I just miss Jeff. He'd know what to do in a situation like this. Jeff, if you're watching this, I love you so much!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>After that, Kelly was on one stand, while Candice faced her on the other.<p>

"Kel, you sure you want to do this?" asked Candice.

"It's for the competition, right?" she asked.

"Right." she agreed.

"All right, ladies, whack each other for as many times as you please, but someone better get dirty today. Ready, set, GO!" exclaimed Jericho.

Kelly swung towards Candice, and she dodged it. Then, Candice swung a close one towards Kelly, barely missing her. The girls swung at each other a few more times until they were locked, trying all they could to knock each other off. Candice looked ahead and saw Melina cheering for her to fall off, and tried all she could to stay on.

"Come on, Candy!" called Melina. "You can't win this and you'll be sent home whenever we do elimination again!"

Distracted, Candice was about to say something else, until she looked back towards Kelly to find her swinging right for her, sending her flying into the mud.

"WHOOOOOOOOO!" cheered Team Raw.

"Team Raw wins round 1!" announced Jericho.

"Oh..." Candice said, cleaning herself up.

Kelly held out her hand. "Nice job, Candy. You ok?" she asked.

She smiled and got up. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks, Kel." she replied.

"Ok, enough of this lovey dovey stuff, I want some action!" exclaimed Jericho. "Ok, next up will be John vs...Melina."

"Huh?" they said, confused.

"Jericho, I-I can't hit a girl!" exclaimed John. "It's not right!"

"Haha, you may not be able to touch me, but I'm free to do whatever I want!" she exclaimed. "Let's go!"

A few seconds later, they got into place.

"Ok, you guys, ready, set, GO!" he called.

John nervously stood around, wondering what to do.

"Come on, Cena!" called Shawn. "Don't let us down!"

"Yeah, all you have to do is knock her off and it's all you, John!" agreed Candice.

He blushed and said, "O-Ok, I'll see what I can do."

Then, he tried to poke Melina, but while he reached over, his loincloth ripped, and the other team saw everything.

"Uh, WOW." Dave said, covering his eyes.

His eyes bugged out. "This isn't happening. Melina, will you do the honors?" he asked quickly.

"It'll be my pleasure." she replied, easily knocking him off.

"Aw, dude." Shawn said disappointedly.

"Ha. Well, that was more than we needed to see of him." Hunter said with a chuckle.

Then, Melina smiled back at Candice while she glared back at her.

"Ok, parasites, Team Smackdown won that round, and now it's time for round 3! Let's have Shawn and Randy step up to the plate." said Jericho.

Randy glared at him while Shawn rolled his eyes. "Joy." he replied.

A few seconds later, they were both into position.

"Ready, set, GO!"

Randy immediately swung towards Shawn, who barely missed it.

"WHOA!" he cried. "Take it easy, will ya?"

"What's wrong, Michaels? Afraid that the reality is that I'm better than you?" he asked. "Well, get used to it!"

He swung towards him again, and Shawn was getting angry. "Ok. You asked for it." he said, then bonking Orton on the head.

"OW!" he cried. "Why, you-"

Then, he bonked Shawn on the head.

"OW!" he cried. "Orton, you're finished!" he exclaimed, bonking him back on the head.

After that, the guys were in an all out bonk war, and then they forcefully started swinging at each other.

"Taste mud, Michaels!" exclaimed Randy.

"Eat my dust." he replied seriously.

Then, they both swung towards each other, whacking each other unconscious at the same time, when they both fell into the mud at the same time!

"Uh, whoa." Jericho said, surprised. "Well, I guess that means we have a tie!"

"NO!-WHAT?" everyone exclaimed.

"Ok, ok, listen. The only two people who haven't gone yet, are Hunter and Dave. You guys'll go next, and it'll serve as the tiebreaker." he explained.

"Fair enough." replied Dave.

"Ok, here's the new part. Instead of two stands, you both have to share this one, hahahahaha!" he laughed.

"You jerk!" Hunter called to him.

"Call me what you want, but that's what you have to deal with in order to win. Last man standing, wins!" he exclaimed.

A few minutes later, they were both at the top of one stand.

"Ok, dudes, this is for the win! Ready, set, GO!" he exclaimed.

Then, Dave immediately swung towards Hunter, who almost fell off.

"Whoa! Careful, dude!" he cried, swinging back towards him.

"Sorry, but I gotta win this for the team." he replied, jabbing him with the bone.

"OW!" he cried. "Dave, that's so not funny, dude!" Then, he bonked him on the head.

"Yeah, well, that's not funny, either." Dave replied, almost knocking him off of the edge. Only, Dave was dragged to the end, too.

"How's the weather down there?" Hunter asked, climbing back up.

"Oh, no you don't!" he exclaimed, climbing back to the top.

"Just give up, Dave. My team's gonna kick your team's-" he began, when Dave whacked him 'down there'.

"EEP." Hunter said in pain.

"You were saying?" Dave asked with a smile.

"Mama Luigi..." he said in a high voice, falling into the mud.

"And the winners of today's challenge, Team Raw!" exclaimed Jericho.

"YAY!-WHOO!" they all cheered.

"This prize better be worth it, Jericho." Randy said darkly.

"Oh, it is. We ordered a gourmet prime-rib meal. All appropriate for today's theme." he replied.

"Mmm-awesome!" they exclaimed.

"Ok, come and eat-wha oh." Big Show said, accidentally knocking the ribs in the mud.

"Oh, that's real nice!" exclaimed Randy. "What are we supposed to do now?"

"Uh...I dunno. I got some…pencils here if you want em." he replied.

"Ugh-let's go." they said, ditching him.

"FINE! You know, these are one of a kind Jerichoholic #2 pencils, they're very hard to find!" he exclaimed.

"Swap meet." Big Show muttered.

"Shut up!" he exclaimed.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

John: "We lost. After our beautiful winning streak, we lost." he said blankly, holding his loincloth together. "I was exposed."

Candice: "I was humilated." she said angrily.

Shawn: "I suffered a concussion." he said, holding an ice pack on his head.

Hunter: "Easy peasie lemon squeezie." he mumbled, crumpled on the ground in pain.

John: "This was a bad day." he said dully.

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Melina and Randy got away from everyone else.<p>

"What a freaking rip off!" he exclaimed. "All that hard work and our prize is GONE! Can you believe that?"

"I know, but at the same time, I'm not really surprised anymore. Uh, hey, you got some..." she began, getting rid of some of the mud.

"Uh, yeah, thanks." he said with a half smile.

"Sure." she replied, smiling at him.

For a few seconds, they looked at each other, until they suddenly shared a passionate kiss!

"Why?" Dave asked, watching them from the bushes.

"GO!-GET LOST!" they both cried, still kissing.

"Jeez! Fine! Hey, guys I just saw something I shouldn't have seen!" he cried, running away.


	22. Episode 18

Total WWE Action! - Eye of the Tiger

Episode 18

"Hey, what's new, TV Land? This is the codebreaker, Chris Jericho here with another insane episode of TWA coming up next! Last week, Candice and Melina were at each other's throats after an argument about who'd win the competition. Kelly tried to keep the peace, but neither girl would have it. In the guys cabin, Randy was ranting on about life's troubles, when newly joined competitor Dave joined them. Well, let's just say that there was no welcome party for him. The challenge sent us back in time to the Flintstones days while everyone dressed quite nicely for the occasion. Our first challenge had our castmates making fire with nothing more than two rocks. During the challenge, Candy and Melina were still at it, while Mel and Randy got closer, but the rest of us weren't having it. After a race between Shawn and Hunter to see who could make a fire first, Hunter 'won' after using Kane's flamethrower to light the rock. Because of the false win, Team Raw got the advantage for the next contest, which was a dinosaur bone battle to the mud pit! Melina was ready to tear Candice apart, until Kelly decided to step in instead. The first round went to Kelly and Team Raw after a distraction caused Candy's downfall. Round 2 saw John vs. Melina in a battle of the sexes. John couldn't even fight on account of a little wardrobe malfunction, haha. So, the win went to Melina and Team Raw once again. Round 3 saw Randy vs Shawn, which emerged in an all out bonk fest! Then, after one swing, they were both knocked out! For our tiebreaker, Dave faced Hunter for the win. They were back and forth, until a low blow from Dave sent Hunter down! And because of that, Team Raw were the winners of the reward, which got kinda ruined. And a major shocker happened-Randy and Melina were sucking face! Yeah, Dave told us all and we found out. So this week, how will everyone take Randy and Melina's new relationship? Will Candy and Melina forgive and forget? And what will Dave use his power of the contract for next? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was a typical morning on the set of TWA...<p>

"...So, yeah, I was like, 'I'm totally gonna kick your ass!' and after that, I did. Because I always keep my word." Randy told Melina, heading to the guys' trailer.

"Randy, you're so brave." she giggled. "You're awesome, you know that?"

"I know." he replied. "See you, babe." he said, giving her a kiss.

She blushed. "See you soon." she replied, going off.

As soon as Randy entered the trailer, he just stood there in surprise.

John, Shawn, and Hunter were covered in paint and so was half of the trailer.

"Hey, Randy!" they greeted.

"...I'm not gonna ask." he said dully.

"We're finger painting!" exclaimed Hunter.

"...Why?" he asked.

"You just said you weren't gonna ask, but since you want to know so bad, we just found some paint lying around in Jericho's office." explained Shawn.

"So we stole some, and started painting." John replied. "This trailer looks way better than it did before. You want to join us?"

"Do I LOOK like some idiot who wants to do something so...so CHILDISH?" he demanded.

"Dude, a simple yes or no would've been fine." replied Hunter.

"Yeah, you're so uptight, Orton." agreed Shawn. "Don't you ever like to have fun?"

"I have better things to do with my time." he replied. "I've got Melina, and she's all the woman I need."

"I still don't see what she sees in you." replied John.

"Haha, like I said, you're all just jealous of me and my success." he said with an evil smile. "Things are going great for me, and I can guarantee I'll make it far in this game. I'll even win."

Then, the guys looked at each other and then bursted out laughing.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" he demanded.

"Aw, you and your fantasies, Orton." chuckled John.

He just growled.

"Hey, we better get cleaned up." announced Hunter. "Too bad we gotta use those crappy showers outside."

Then, Dave walked in, fresh and clean from his own personal shower that was only his to use. "Hey, all." he greeted.

They glared at him.

"Whoa, what happened to you guys?" he asked.

"If you must know, we were finger painting." replied Shawn. "And we don't want to be covered in this stuff all day, so would you please excuse us?"

"Hey, wait." said Hunter. "We don't have to use those crappy old showers, we can use Dave's!"

"Uh, whoa, whoa, no, you can't." he replied.

"Come on!" exclaimed John.

"That's my licensed shower, only mine to use." he replied.

"Man, you have your own shower, gourmet food, a workout session every morning, this whole contract crap is totally unfair!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Yeah, it kills me to say this, but I agree with him." said Randy. "Why do you get everything handed to you?...That's supposed to be MY job!"

"Oh well." Dave replied, listening to his ipod.

"Unbelievable, huh?" asked Shawn.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Hunter: "You know, Dave is a good friend of mine, but lately he's been getting on everyone's nerve! He gets the special treatment with imported food, while we're stuck with...with...you know Big Show tried to feed us tree bark last week? Anyway, he better get his act together soon!"

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>Then from outside...<p>

Jericho played a loud note on a tuba, which scared the crap outta everyone!

"Whoa, what the hell's going on?" asked John.

"Sounds like Jericho's stirring up another one. Let's see what he wants." replied Shawn.

Outside...

"Nice wake up call, Jericho." Kelly said, tired.

"What's wrong with you, then?" he asked.

"Melina and Candice have been arguing all night and I barely got any sleep." she replied.

"It's HER fault!" Melina and Candice exclaimed.

"No, it's not-yes it is-you started it!" they argued.

"MAINTAIN, ladies!" exclaimed Jericho. "Ok, and...what the hell happened to you guys?"

"We stole your paint and went finger painting." John said casually.

"WHAT?" he demanded.

"It's a fun activity." replied Hunter. "Sorry we used up all your paint."

He glared at them. "You know, I expect this kind of stuff from you, so I don't care anymore." he said nonchalantly. "Remember that I hate you all."

"We hate you too, Jericho!" Hunter exclaimed with a smile.

"...Ok. Anyways, today's challenge is gonna get your adrenaline pumping! But first, we got a surprise breakfast in store, so everyone, uh, clean up, and meet me in the kitchen!" he exclaimed.

"Aw, great, another crap special cooked by Big Show." muttered John. "Gonna need the funnel."

In the kitchen, everyone was surprised to find spaghetti on their tables.

"Whoa, this looks good!" exclaimed Candice. "Wait, these aren't worms, are they?"

"No, they're gourmet noodles imported from Italy." announced Big Show.

"Like we're really gonna believe that." replied Melina.

"Ok, Ramen noodles from Japan, happy now?" he asked.

"All right, so everyone enjoy your spaghetti breakfast while I tell you about today's challenge." said Jericho. "Today, it's all about what we all know best, sports!"

"WHOOOOO!" they cheered.

"That's the spirit! So, here's what we're gonna do. By having pasta for breakfast, you'll build up lots of carbs. So first thing we're gonna do is run around the track for a mini race to so I can determine your strengths and see who I can pair up for future challenges. Got it?" he asked.

Everyone just looked at him.

"...What?" asked Hunter, his eyes glued onto his plate.

Jericho just slapped his forehead. "Just eat your pasta."

*SLLLLLURP!*

"DON'T SLURP!" he exclaimed angrily.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Candice: "Ooh, a sports challenge! This could be my chance to show Melina who's boss!"

Melina: "Haha, sports? Now, this is my territory. I'll make Candice wish she'd never argued with me in the first place!"

Shawn: "I'm pretty excited about the sports thing. As long as none of them involve anything that has to do with the head. I'm, uh, still feeling the effects of the bone to the skull from last week."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Later, everyone met at a track in another studio...<p>

"Ok, parasites. Ready, set..." *blows whistle*

Everyone sped off towards the finish line.

"Hey, Candy! Want to run together?" asked John.

"Sure!" she exclaimed, blushing.

"Cool! So, what's up with you and Melina lately?" he asked. "Have you two even thought about making up yet?"

"Not unless she apologizes to me first. She started the argument, I deserve an apology for what she said to me!" she exclaimed.

"Wow. Honestly, I just hope you two make up soon. I really hate seeing you so sad." he said with a smile.

She smiled back. "That's sweet of you, John." she replied.

Meanwhile, Randy and Melina sped by together.

"..Yeah, it took me like, 8 hours to get this tattoo. My best one." he told her.

"I think they're all awesome, Randy." she said with a smile. "And so are you."

"I know." he replied again. "Which in turn, makes you awesome, too."

"Aw, Randy!" she exclaimed.

Then, she saw Candice shooting a look at her as she and John sped by.

"They're in the lead. Come on, let's go!" Melina exclaimed, dragging Randy along.

"Yeah. My babe's feisty." he said with a smile.

As everyone was nearing the finish line, Dave and Hunter were last and raced to see who'd be first.

"Oh, no. Your lawyers can't help you win this race!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Says you! I don't need lawyers to win a simple race! You all need to chill out about me and my luxuries!" he exclaimed.

"No, we will NOT chill out!" he argued. "I'm winning this race, so deal with it!"

"YOU deal with it!" Dave argued once they both tripped and fell across the finish line at the same time.

"Well, nice of you two to finally join us." said Jericho.

They glared at each other.

"Ok, now I can see who I can pair up together." he said with an evil smile. "And the first challenge, is a boxing match between...Dave and Hunter."

Again, they both glared at each other. "I accept!" they said at the same time.

Later...

Everyone stood around this ring in the studio.

"Ok, you guys, it's time for the TWA Boxing competition!" exclaimed Jericho.

"WHOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheeered.

"In this corner, representing Team Smackdown, hailing from Greenwich, CT, the Game, Triple H!" he announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they cheered.

"And in this corner, representing Team Raw, hailing from Washington DC, the Animal, Batista!" he announced.

Everyone glared at him.

"Thanks, guys." he said dully.

"Ok, guys, make it a nice, clean fight." said referee Big Show.

They glared at each other.

"On second thought, just don't kill each other. Let's get it on!" he exclaimed.

"Friendship's out the window now!" Dave exclaimed, swinging a punch towards Hunter.

He ducked and said, "Yeah, I kinda caught that when you 'attacked' me during that last challenge!" he exclaimed, swinging towards him.

Then, they swung a few punches at each other, and Dave said, "Dude, just face it. I'm guaranteed to win the million bucks."

"Like hell you are!" he exclaimed. "If you win the money, I'll sue you for it and win it back!"

"That's not even possible, you know why?" he demanded.

"Why?" he asked.

Then, they swung towards each other, nailing each other at the same time!

When they both fell to the ground unconscious, Big Show counted, "1,2,3, they're both out!"

"Now we'll never know why!" Shawn exclaimed, disappointed.

Later...

"Ok, since that was an epic fail, no point for any team." announced Jericho.

"Gee, thanks." replied John.

"Ok, gang, your next challenge is...badminton!" he exclaimed. "And let's have Kelly go against...Cena."

"Sounds cool." replied Kelly. "Even though badminton isn't my best sport."

"It's ok, Kel, you can do this." replied Melina.

"Yeah, I'm sure you'll do good!...Even though you're on the other team." replied Candice.

"Hey, go away, I'm giving her a pep talk!" exclaimed Melina.

"Don't tell me to go away!" she exclaimed. "Kelly's MY friend!"

"She's MY friend!" exclaimed Melina. "Why would she want to be friends with someone like you?"

"Take that back!" she exclaimed.

Kelly just sighed and took a racket.

"Stressed out, huh, Kel?" asked John.

"Totally." she replied. "Good luck!" she called.

"Right back at ya!" he called, tossing the birdie towards her.

She tried to swing it back, but missed.

"Crap!" she cried.

"It's ok, Kel, keep trying!" called Dave.

"Sorry! I'm a little rusty on this." she replied, swinging back towards him.

He swung back to her, and she missed again.

"Ugh, I can't do this!" she cried, frustrated, tossing the birdie back to John.

"Don't give up, Kel!" called Melina.

"Hmm. Hey, imagine the birdie thing's Dave's head!" called Randy. "He got your precious boyfriend voted off, remember?"

"HEY!" Dave called to him.

Suddenly angry, she swung the birdie back towards John, bonking him in the eye!

"OW!" he cried.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

John: "Wow, that girl can really pack a punch, heh heh."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Uh, sorry, John!" she called back.<p>

"It's ok." he said meekly.

"Whoa, ok, Cena's out. Team Raw wins!" exclaimed Jericho.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOO!" they cheered happily.

"Jeez, if that really was my head, you would've swung it into outer space like that?" asked Dave.

"No, I would've done this." Kelly replied, slamming the racket over Jericho's head.

"OW!" he cried.

"Sorry, Chris, but I had to show him an example." she replied.

"Ok. By the way, that was pretty hot. Will you do that again?" he asked with a crooked smile.

"NO!" she exclaimed.

Later...

"Ok, so far it's 1-0, and our next challenge is what we do best, wrestling!" he announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they all cheered.

"Ok, but this isn't just a regular match. This match will take place in a ball pit! Meaning that you can still fight, but if you want, you can attack your opponent with the dodgeballs. Falls count anywhere, and that's about it!" he exclaimed. "So, let's have Candice vs...Randy!"

"WHAT?" she demanded.

"Ok." he said casually.

A few minutes later, they both got in the ball pit.

John stopped Randy and said, "Listen, Orton. You hurt Candice in any way, and I'll kill you. Understand?"

"Lighten up, Cena! I won't hurt your little lady. But in order for me to win, I'll have to." he said, walking on.

"ORTON!" John cried angrily.

"I'm not afraid of you, Randy." Candice said, cracking her knuckles.

"Well, I'm not afraid of you, either! There's no way I'm getting beaten by a girl!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, you tell her, Randy!" exclaimed Melina.

"Ok, remember, this is a falls count anywhere match, and use the dodgeballs! Ring the bell!" exclaimed Big Show.

*DING DING*

Randy immediately grabbed a ball, while Candice tried to block his attack.

"Come on, Candy-you can do it!" cheered her team.

"Don't let him intimidate you!" called John.

She nodded, and when Randy threw the dodgeball at her, she ducked, and tackled him to the ground.

"Who's boss now, Randy? Huh?" she asked, throwing a few punches towards him.

Then, he got up and tossed her off of him.

"Listen, I've RKO'd women before, so I'm not afraid to do the same to you!" he exclaimed, walking towards her.

"That son of a-" began John.

"Hold on, Cena." stopped Shawn. "I think Candy can take care of herself."

Then, before Randy could do anything else, Candice grabbed one of the dodgeballs and hit him in his area.

"OOF!" he cried, kneeling down in pain.

Then, she climbed on his shoulders and had him in a face lock! "Say uncle! SAY IT!" she cried.

"NO!" he cried, trying to escape.

She tightened her grip. "SUBMIT! TAP OUT!" she cried.

Then, the pain was too much for him and he tapped out!

Team Raw sulked while Team Smackdown cheered.

"Yeah, Candy! All right!"

Melina growled at her while she came to Randy's aid. "You ok?" she asked.

"Please tell me that I didn't just tap out to a girl." he said, in pain. "Oh."

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Randy: "That wasn't me that just got beat by a girl. That was my alter ego, Jimmy Light. If it sounds weird to you, then forget any of this happened. Yeah, I'm embarrassed."

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>Later...<p>

"And the fun keeps going on." announced Jericho. "Ok, with that said, both teams are tied for the moment, so here's the next contest to determine a winner. Next up is basketball, and we're gonna compete in a slam dunk contest! The rules are that each competitor has to have the best slam dunk. Whoever's is the most creative, wins! And for this one, let's have Shawn and Melina stand up to the plate!"

"Coolio. Good luck, Shawn, but I'm taking this one for my team." said Melina.

"Well, ok, then." he replied. "I need an aspirin. Anyone got any Advil, Tylenol, anything for this killer headache?"

Jericho gave him a container.

"Thanks!" he exclaimed, only to find that it was empty. "AW, COME ON!" he cried.

"Psych!" Jericho laughed.

Then, Shawn shoved the container in Jericho's mouth, shutting him up. "Please stay that way." he replied.

Melina was up first with the ball. She ran across the court, did a few tricks with the ball, did a few more moves, and then slam dunked.

"Yeah, Mel!" cheered her team.

"Thank you." she replied.

Big Show held up a score card that had the number 10 on it.

"Well, that's a tough one to beat! So, Michaels, are you ready?" asked Jericho.

He glared at him.

"Dude, please don't complain about the headache." said Hunter. "That was like, a week ago!"

Then from out of nowhere, a basketball bounced off his head.

"OW!" he cried in pain.

"Oh, well, that won't help much." Hunter replied quickly.

"All I wanted was an aspirin." he huffed, snatching a ball. "An aspirin, WAS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?"

Then to everyone's shock, he casually tossed the ball back without even looking, and it scored in the net on the other side of the room!

Everyone was totally shocked. "Whoa." they all said. "WHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Shawn turned around to see the basketball on the other side of the room.

"YEAH!" he exclaimed, cheering with his team. "I DID IT!"

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Shawn: "Watch out, Shaq, Mike Jordan, there's a new star in town...yeah."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Well, that was unexpected. Big Show, you got the score?" asked Jericho.<p>

"That was incredible." he said, stunned, holding up a card with the number 10 on it.

"Looks like both teams get another point, then! Ok, we got time for one last challenge, and that's our REAL tiebreaker." announced Jericho. "Which is...a cheerleading contest!"

Kelly lit up. "AH!" she exclaimed.

"Both teams have to come up with their own rhyme, and the best one wins for today!" he exclaimed. "I'll give you each a few minutes to think up some ideas. Have fun, my hypocrites!"

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Kelly: "This is awesome! I was a cheerleader back in high school, so I'm an expert at this kinda thing! My team's sure to win this one!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Guys, guys, I have a great rhyme we can use!" exclaimed Kelly.<p>

"Really, what?" asked Melina.

"This should be interesting." added Randy.

"Ok, I remember this from back in high school." she said, putting on some music. "1,2,3,4,5, we're Team Raw and we say hi! We'll kick your asses so you might as well cry! 6,7,8,9,10, to you, we'll be saying bye bye again! 1,3,5,7,9, we're Team Raw and we're so fine! 2,4,6,8,10, oh, too bad, you lost again!" she cheered. "So, what do you think?"

"Whoa, Kelly, that's awesome!" exclaimed Melina. "We totally gotta use that one!"

"Then, we're using that one." announced Randy.

"Whoa, Randy, you're agreeing with me?" asked Kelly.

"Well, I'm pretty sure no one on the other team's gonna come up with anything better, and the rest of us can't think of anything, so we're going with yours." he replied.

"Really? Thanks!" she exclaimed.

"Don't get used to it." he replied dully.

"Well, sorry to burst your bubbles, but I kinda thought of something." announced Dave.

Everyone glared at him.

"What?" he asked.

"What the hell do you know about cheerleading?" demanded Melina.

"I don't, but I thought of something that a winning team could use." he replied.

"Then, please, tell us your big, huge cheer!" Randy said sarcastically.

"But I used to be a cheerleader!" exclaimed Kelly. "How can you come up with anything better?"

"Don't worry, everyone. I've got it covered." he said with a smirk.

Later...

"Ok, now both teams should be ready for the TWA Cheerleading competition!" exclaimed Jericho. "Team Raw, you're up first!"

"Are you serious?" Randy demanded.

"Just do it." Dave replied.

Then, they all came out with pom poms, saying, "Dave, Dave, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can." they said dully.

"Give me a D." Kelly said dully.

"D." Melina and Randy said dully.

"Give me an A."

"A."

"Give me a V."

"V."

"Give me an E."

"E."

"What does that spell?" she asked.

"Dave." they all said without emotion. "Yay."

Then, Chris, Big Show, and the other team just stared at them.

"What the bloody hell was that?" he asked.

"And THAT idea was supposed to be better than mine?" demanded Kelly.

"I thought it was great!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, no." replied Jericho. "Ok, Team Smackdown has this contest in the bag if they do better. Whenever you're ready, guys."

They put on some music while Candice cheered, "Jericho, it's Jericho, Y2J, Chris Jericho!"

He smiled in delight.

"Jericho, he's crazy, he's a really bad pick." she continued. "But John, you tell it like it is..."

"He really makes us sick!" exclaimed John.

His smile faded.

"He wants you to think he's cool, but hey, we dumped him in a pool!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Y2J, Chris Jericho, he really doesn't care," exclaimed Candice.

"Well, simply put, Jericho, we wish we could shoot you to Mexico and leave you stranded there." finished Shawn. "Ok, the end."

Shocked, Jericho stared at them while everyone else applauded. "WHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Big Show even clapped.

"HEY!" he exclaimed.

"You gotta admit, that was pretty funny." he replied.

"Ok, ok. As much as that was rude and degrading, yours was still one hell of a lot better than theirs, so you win." he said dully.

Team Raw looked pissed.

"YAY-WHOO!" Smackdown cheered.

"Team Raw, you know the drill, see you at the elimination ceremony." he replied. "Big Show, get me a beer."

* * *

><p>At the elimination ceremony...<p>

"All right, Team Raw, what a bad day for you, huh? Please cast your votes for who you want outta here...NOW!" he exclaimed.

Randy, Melina, and Kelly all glared at Dave while they voted, while he glared back at them.

"Ok, time's up!" he exclaimed. "Before we get to the results, anyone nervous? How about you, Randy?"

"Nervous? I'm PISSED that we're even here right now!" he exclaimed. "And we all know who to thank!"

"Don't pin this rap on me, all right?" asked Dave. "It's not my fault you all have bad attitudes."

"WHAT?" they demanded.

"WHOA!" stopped Jericho. "Ok, let's just get rid of someone before a riot happens. Kelly, Melina, you're safe." he called while he tossed them their awards. "Ok, and...*intern says something*...what?...Really? All right then."

"What's going on?" asked Dave.

"I just got a message that nobody was allowed to vote you off again." he announced.

"NO-ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" they demanded.

"Ok, listen, I've had enough of this luxury crap!" exclaimed Randy. "Everything was fine before you came back! I was the leader of my team, and we were always on the winning side!"

"Uh, Randy?" asked Jericho.

"I'm sick and tired of you telling me what to do, and I won't take it anymore!" he screamed.

"Randy?"

"WHAT?" he demanded.

"You're eliminated." he said quickly.

Melina gasped in shock, while Randy's eyes bugged out.

"...WHAT?" he asked in a gravely scary voice.

"Dave voted for you, and just like the last time, only his vote counts. Sayonara, dude. Big Show, please take him away." he said.

"NO! THIS IS TOTALLY UNFAIR!" he cried, being dragged away. "Dave, you're finished when I see you again, FINISHED!"

When he was being dragged in the Lambo of suckers, Melina chased after him. "Randy!" she cried. "...I-I love you." she said quietly.

"Ok, I'm happy that Randy's out, but now you've upset Melina!" exclaimed Kelly.

"I hope you're happy now, I really do." Melina told him angrily, storming off.

"So, no celebration, then?" he asked.


	23. Episode 19

Total WWE Action!: Mission: Impossibly Epic

Episode 19

"What's good, my parasites? This is the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla, Chris Jericho here with another epic episode of TWA coming right up! Last week, Randy and Melina were officially an item, while the guys weren't too thrilled with Dave and his luxuries. Kelly was exhausted while she had to deal with Candice and Melina's ongoing feud, and Randy was determined to tell everyone how he'd win the competition. Our sports challenge for the week got our adrenaline pumping and Melina was dead set on proving that she was the better diva than Candice was. The first challenge was a boxing match between the feuding Hunter and Dave, and after a few swings, the match resulted in a no-win as both competitors met the House of hard Knocks, haha. The next challenge was a badminton match between Cena and Kelly, and with a little unexpected motivation from Randy, Kelly scored the first win to team Raw after giving Cena...and me, a surprise attack. The next challenge was a wrestling match between Randy and Candice, where Orton did all he could to try and scare Candy, but unfortunately for him, he got his ass kicked by a girl! What a baby. The next challenge was slam dunk contest between Melina and Shawn. Melina did a pretty sweet job, but an angry Shawn tied up the score once he showed the net what he was made of! Since both teams were tied, our tiebreaker was none other than a cheerleading contest, where Kelly was sure to help her team get the win. Only, since Dave had powers, he made the rules, and the result...epic fail! Team Smackdown dominated the contest after publicly degrading my intelligent persona! *sigh* Anyways, Team Raw headed to the elimination ceremony, ready to vote someone off, until I got a message saying that Dave's contract was still in effect. The result-Randy Orton gets eliminated next! This week, will Melina and Candy ever be friends again? And just how long will it take before Dave eventually tries to sabotage everyone else in the game? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was a normal day at TWA...<p>

John was walking around the set, when he caught Shawn, Kelly, and Hunter playing with Sit 'N Bounces.

"Hey, Cena!" they greeted, bouncing up and down.

He looked at them, trying not to laugh. "Uh, hey, you guys! Any reason for...this?" he asked.

"We're sit n' bouncing!" exclaimed Hunter.

"...Why?" asked Cena.

"Well, I was really getting annoyed with Melina and Candice arguing, so I decided to hang out with them!" exclaimed Kelly.

"Yeah, so we went looking in the gym, and lo and behold, we find these things!" finished Shawn. "We're sittin', we're bouncin', we're having a GREAT time!"

"You want to join us?" asked Hunter. "We're celebrating the fact that Orton's outta here!"

"Haha, hey, I'm just as glad that Orton's outta here, too." John agreed. "We actually got a good night's sleep! But anyways, I can't, uh, bounce around right now. I'll see you guys later then!"

"Ok, suit yourself." replied Hunter. "C'mon, you guys."

"Have a good time bouncing." he said with a chuckle.

Meanwhile, Melina was pissed that Dave got Randy off...

"The nerve of him! He votes off my Randy and he gets what, a free trip to the steakhouse? It's just not fair!" she exclaimed angrily.

Candice walked past her. "Melina." she said.

"Candice." she muttered.

"Listen, I uh, heard that Randy was eliminated the other night." she said.

"So, you came to rub it in, huh?" asked Melina.

"No, I just know that you really liked him, God knows why, but I'm sorry about what happened." she replied.

"Liked him? Candice, you don't understand, I love him! I love him, and Dave had the nerve to get him off of the show next! Now I understand why Kelly was so upset with Dave after he did the same to Jeff." she replied.

"That's a totally different story! Those two love each other, and it's totally real! Does Randy even love you back?" asked Candice.

"What the hell kind of question is that?" she demanded.

"Did he ever tell you that he loved you back?" she asked.

"Well-" she began.

"Did he tell you goodbye when he left?"

"You see-"

"Did he even call you once after he was eliminated?" she asked.

"Candice, this doesn't concern you, all right? Just...stay out of my business." Melina replied angrily.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Candice: "Ok, I know Melina and I aren't exactly on good terms right now, but I'm trying to make her see that Randy's still the sleazeball that he always was and will be! But if she doesn't want my advice, then whatever, it's her problem."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Shawn, Hunter, and Kelly were all still bouncing around until...<p>

"Hold on, you guys." said Kelly. "I gotta get something out of my trailer."

Then, when she touched the door, a bright light shone on her.

"AH! What the-" she began.

"_Trespasser! Red alert, red alert! Trespasser!" _ A voice on the door said.

"What the hell was that?" asked Hunter.

"I don't know, but-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Kelly screamed as a chute from underneath her shot her to the bottom.

"Kelly!" they both cried.

"Where'd she go?" asked Shawn.

Then, a red laser got him in the neck, he grew delusional, and said, "Well, hello." falling down next.

"Dudes!" cried Hunter. "Ok, I don't know what the hell's going on, but I ain't gonna be next!"

He ditched the sit n bounce and ran, but the sit n bounce bumped back into him, sending him down the chute next.

"DAMN IT...!" he cried.

Then, Melina, Candice, John, and Dave saw what happened.

"Oh, my God, what happened to them?" asked Melina.

"Whoa, I think Jericho's trying to kill us. Let's amscray!" exclaimed Dave.

The four sped to the guys trailer, but once John, Melina, and Candice went in, they locked Dave out.

"HEY, FORGETTING SOMEONE?" he called.

"Get lost, Dave, we're trying to save our own asses here!" Melina called back.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Dave: "Now really, that is just pathetic. I am the one with a 5 star dinner every night, the least they could do is try to be a little nicer to me...even though I'll eventually get them all off of the show."

-Back oustide-

* * *

><p>Dave was trying to break into the trailer, when someone approached him from behind with a stick.<p>

He whipped around. "Oh, crap." he said, surprised.

*BONK!*

Inside the guys' trailer...

"Ok, we should be safe here." announced John. "Well, it was only a matter of time before Jericho was planning to kill us all."

"I hope the others are ok!" exclaimed Candice. "...And what happened in here?"

"Oh! Yeah, the other day, me and the guys fingerpainted our trailer. Cool, isn't it?" he asked.

"It looks like a bunch of 3 year olds did this." Melina said with a chuckle. "I am so glad I don't live here."

"Hey, us men have our own sense of freedom. If we want to get dirty, then we'll get dirty! If we don't want to clean up, we won't clean up!" he exclaimed.

Then, *CRASH!* A stink bomb came in through the window.

"AAH!" the girls screamed.

"...And if we want a bomb in here, then-HOLY CRAP, A BOMB!" John exclaimed. "Jericho's trying to finish us off!"

Before anyone else could say anything, it exploded, knocking everyone out in unconsciousness.

Later, everyone woke up in a totally unfamiliar place...

"Uhh...hey, guys, wake up!" exclaimed Hunter. "We're still alive!"

"Awesome!" exclaimed Kelly. "But why are we in a cave?"

"Maybe Jericho's planning to attack us all in one place." replied Dave. "If he lays a hand on me, I got my lawyer on speed dial."

"If I hear another word about your lawyer, I will slap you. Hard." Melina said angrily.

"Melina, quit being upset about Randy, as you can see, everyone else here is pretty damn glad he's gone." he replied.

"Ok, listen to me, everyone! Randy's changed a lot since before! He's totally sweet, but nobody even wants to give him a chance to prove it!" she exclaimed.

"Melina, he might be nicer to you, but he's still a slimeball to the rest of us." replied Shawn.

"I used the word sleazeball, but that's good, too." said Candice. "Anyway, Melina, I wish you could just see things our way. Randy's not who he seems to be."

"Yeah, well I wish you could all see things my way!" she replied. "Now can we please focus on how we can get outta this cave?"

"Ah, ha ha, zat will not 'appen." a voice in a fake Russian accent said.

"Who said that?" asked John.

Then, a screen came down from the cave's roof. A chair was facing them, until it turned around, revealing...

"It is me, Chris Jericho!" he exclaimed, petting a cat.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" everyone screamed in terror. "IT'S HIM!"

"Zand my kitty, Mr. Pringles. Kitty, kitty!" he exclaimed, petting the mean looking cat.

"Dude, are you trying to speak Mexican or something?" Hunter laughed.

"I thought it was Chinese." Shawn replied, laughing along.

"My guess was you know, the accents those guys that work at 7-11 speak in." replied John.

"Oh, my God-It's RUSSIAN!" he exclaimed, annoyed. "Zat is not ze point. I came to inform you on your next important mission. Today, you will all compete in a spy challenge, including things zuch as diffusing a bomb, and escaping from ze exploding building."

"Just tell us the truth, Jericho, you're trying to kill us today, aren't you?" asked Kelly.

"Zat is classified information. Now also today, you are no longer in your teams, as it is every person for zemselves!" he exclaimed. "Zi will return for zou once zu reach ze next level, ah ha ha. OW! PRINGLES, KNOCK IT OFF!" he cried once the cat started attacking him.

Everyone then looked surprised and glared at each other.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Dave: "Ok, this is just the break I need! Now I can dominate the game, not worry about anyone else trying to doubt me otherwise, and I still got my contract. This contest is in the bag."

Melina: "Can this get any better? On my own, I can totally finish where Randy left off and win the game without anyone else *cough-Candice* trying to bring me down."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Well, Shawn, I guess we're no longer a part of Team Smackdown." Hunter said.<p>

"It really is a shame, isn't it? Let's look back on all the good old days we all had." Shawn agreed.

Silence.

"I got nothing." replied Hunter.

"Yeah, me, too. Ok, so I guess the first thing we do is to find a way outta here." he announced.

Everyone anxiously searched around the cave but found nothing.

"Aw, there's no exit here!" exclaimed Candice. "Jericho locked us in!"

Then, John bumped into a wall that actually opened back!

"Maybe we should rethink that." he said with a smile. "Let's go, you guys."

The gang went through the exit, which led to an elevator.

"Hmm, says here we gotta go to the 13th floor." John read.

"13th? Isn't that bad luck?" asked Candice.

"Everything Jericho plans for us is bad luck. 13th floor, here we come." said Hunter.

After they reached the 13th floor, they arrived to this elegant looking room with a bag under a glass dome in the middle of the room.

Shawn whistled in surprise. "Something tells me that this isn't gonna be easy."

Then, another screen came down. "Zi am back, my friends. Here is zour first mission. Zou must retrieve ze bag of jewels in the middle of ze room, from ze glass in which zit is enclosed in." Jericho explained.

"Sounds easy enough." said John. "Let's go."

"Zold it!" he interrupted. "I forgot a very important detail."

Then, a whole bunch of red laser beams spread all across the floor.

"Zou must also avoid any contact with the beams below. If zat happens, zou may lose an arm, a leg, or any other important part of zour bodies. Good luck. Aw, Pringles, you peed on me!" he cried in his regular voice.

"Told you it wasn't gonna be easy." said Shawn.

"Ok, maybe I can try and jump around the lasers." said Kelly.

"How?" asked Candice.

Then, she did a few backflips, barely escaping each beam. Then, when she finally reached the glass dome, beams were totally surrounding her and she couldn't move anywhere else.

"Uh oh." she said, balancing on one hand. "Uh, any other plans, you guys?"

"Hmm. The lasers are too narrow to slide under." said John. "And if we make any sudden movements, we're finished!"

"How about we just sprint to the glass?" asked Hunter. "If we run fast enough, we probably won't get caught."

"Good plan!" agreed Shawn. "On 3, 1..2...3!"

As the two sped through, Candice called, "Uh, guys?"

Then, the two were trapped between multiple beams, and were tangled together.

"That might not work." she finished.

"We can figure that out." replied Hunter.

"Can someone please hurry?" asked Kelly. "I can't stay like this! My arm's killing me!"

"What else can we do?" asked Melina.

"I got a plan. Watch." said Dave.

He set his sunglasses on the ground so that they reflected the beams, sending them at different angles!

"Dude!-OW!" Shawn cried as him, Kelly, and Hunter fell down. "Why couldn't you think of this before?"

"Nobody asked me." he replied. "Now, it's time to get the goods."

He easily retrieved the bag.

"Is there something inside of it?" asked Candice.

"Let's see." Dave said, looking inside to find a piece of paper. "Oh, hell."

"A paper? What does it say?" asked Melina.

"It says ' You suckers! You actually fell for this?' And then Jericho put a little smiley face here." he replied.

"That jerkoff!" exclaimed Cena. "We went through all that for nothing?"

Then, the place started rumbling.

"What's going on?" asked Hunter.

Then, Jericho appeared on the screen and said, "Hahahaha! Zi fooled zou all!"

"Cut the crap, Jericho, what the hell's going on here?" demanded Melina.

"Now that zou retrieved the bag, zou must escape ze room before it goes BOOM BOOM, hahahaha! You have 10 seconds to escape or else...KABOOM!" he said, trying to keep Pringles away.

As the clock ticked down, Shawn said, "Ok, I don't see any exit here and we're all finished! I-I'm gonna miss you guys. Even your incredibly large ego, Cena."

He glared at him. "Thanks. But look over there!" he exclaimed, pointing to a wall that was closing over an exit. "If we hurry, we can make it outta here in time. Let's go!"

They all sped to the door, which was closing pretty fast.

"Ladies first!" called John.

Kelly slid through, followed by Melina and Candice.

"Ok, you guys go next." he said.

"What about you?" asked Hunter.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine, now just go!" he exclaimed.

Dave cut through them and slid past.

"How rude." Shawn said, sliding under next, followed by Hunter.

"John, hurry!" cried Candice.

Right before the door closed, Cena quickly slid under.

*BOOM!* came from inside.

"Nice work, you guys, we made it!" exclaimed Kelly.

"Just barely." agreed John. "Ok, now what's next?"

* * *

><p>Jericho appeared on another screen. "Well, well, well. You all survived. Congratulations. Now zis time for zour second mission. If you look to zour right, you will see various bombs."<p>

"Trash cans?" asked Cena.

"BOMBS!" he exclaimed. "Now, there are three different color wires on each bomb. Zou must deactivate each bomb by cutting the right color wire, but be warned, I'm not telling zou which wire it is. That is for zou to find out and for me to laugh at, hahahahahaha...AW PRINGLES! Not again, damn it! Anyways, if you do not deactivate zour bomb, zou will be covered in filth, so have fun, my little piggies!"

After the screen disappeared, Dave said, "I got this."

"Oh, what can the almighty Dave Batista do next?" Hunter demanded, annoyed.

"I'm calling my lawyer to contact the best bomb deactivators around." he said, dialing on his cell.

"Dave, we don't have time for that!" exclaimed Shawn. "We only have...30 seconds left before we all smell like the trash heap!"

"Damn it, I can't contact anyone! Reception's bad in here." he said, frustrated.

"Ok, let's figure this out ourselves. There are 3 wires, a red, a green, and a blue one." said Candice.

"Yes, Candice, we all know how to count and I'm sure we all know our colors." Melina said sarcastically.

She glared at her. "I mean, we just gotta think and choose which one we should cut." she replied.

"Uh, with only 15 seconds left, I don't think we'll have much time to think." replied Kelly.

"Well, what do we do?" asked John.

Shawn studied the wires and then said, "It's the blue one."

"How can you tell?" asked Hunter.

"Believe me, if you have to choose between any color, pick blue because it matches the sparkle of my eyes." he replied with a smirk. "And my eyes don't lie."

"How is that even a valid reason?" demanded Dave.

"I know the tricks of the trade, I've been around longer than you have! Just trust me and pick the blue wire, you guys." he replied.

"I believe him." said Kelly.

"You better be right, Shawn." Dave replied.

Then, when there was only 5 seconds left, everyone cut the blue wires on their bombs and waited to see if anything would happen.

Silence.

"Shawn, it worked!" exclaimed Candice.

"Yeah, nice going, man!" agreed Hunter.

"Aw, it was nothin." he replied. "So, Dave...told you so."

"Eh." he muttered.

Then, there was still a faint ticking sound coming from somewhere.

"Ok...I thought we got all of them." John said slowly.

"Hahaha, zi fooled you again! There are some extra bombs that I programmed differently, so you're all still screwed!" Jericho exclaimed quickly.

"JERICHO, YOU-" began Melina.

*BOOM!*

Garbage splattered all over everyone.

"...Jackass." Melina finished dully.

* * *

><p>Later that day, everyone was relaxing in a pool filled with tomato sauce to help get rid of the smell...<p>

"Jeez, Jericho has some nerve to fool us like that!" exclaimed Kelly. "This is so weird."

"Not really." replied Hunter. "Going hot tubbing in tomato sauce after a day of escaping explosives and getting peddled with garbage doesn't sound too shabby." he said, dipping a cracker in the sauce. "Hmm. Needs pepper."

"You guys, I was wondering something." said John. "I was so distracted by that stupid accent Jericho was talking in, I never heard if any of us were going home, or any type of prize or anything."

"Oh, if he made us go through all this for nothing, I'll slap the taste outta his mouth." Melina said angrily.

"You know, Melina, slapping people doesn't solve problems." replied Dave.

"It would solve a big problem if I did it to you!" she replied. "Man, why isn't Randy calling? I haven't heard from him all day!"

Candice sighed. "Melina-" she began.

Kelly stopped her. "Candy, she just won't listen to us, so don't bother trying." she replied. "And Dave, why are you even here with us, anyway?"

"Yeah, don't you have your big, fancy personal shower to attend to?" agreed Hunter.

"With a free spa session on the side?" added Shawn.

"Guys, be as jealous as you want, I'm allowed to have these things and you're not. Just live with it." he replied. "Besides, I can't soil my shower with the stench of garbage, so I'm here instead.

Everyone glared at him, while Melina splashed some sauce at him.

Then, Jericho (with a clothespin on his nose), still carrying Pringles joined them.

"Hey, my stinky little friends!" he greeted. "After all the craziness, I never got to tell you. Nobody's going home tonight..."

"WHOO-Awesome!" they cheered.

"And two people are getting a special prize!" he exclaimed.

"Why two?" asked Hunter.

"Well, here's why. Since Dave was the one to come up with a successful plan to escape the building and retrieved the bag first, he won, and since it was Shawn's idea to successfully deactivate the bombs, he also won."

"Sweet!" Shawn exclaimed. "Told you the blue eyed charm always works."

"Of course I won, now what's the prize, Jericho?" asked Dave.

"You two get to go on a trip to IHOP for some all-you-can eat-pancakes!" he exclaimed.

Dave just glared at him, while Shawn got excited and Hunter looked jealous.

"Lucky." he muttered.

"I'd LOVE to-" Shawn began.

"We're not going." Dave interrupted. "If you can't come up with a better prize than pancakes, then the offer's out."

"Aw." Shawn said, disappointed. "Gee, thanks for spoiling my grand prize, Dave!"

"Don't mention it." he said casually.

"Jericho, if they're not going, can I go instead?" asked Hunter. "I'll pay you for it."

"Sorry, dude, it's too late." he replied, ripping up the coupon. "Have a great bath, hypocrites. Trust me, you're gonna need to stay in there all night. OW! Pringles, what the hell?" *MEOW!* "PRINGLES!"

"Well, Dave, how's it feel to have another enemy, because nobody takes a deal like that away from me." Shawn said.

"Dude, I really don't care how many enemies I have now. Since we're all fighting for the million bucks on our own, you gotta watch your back because with me here, nobody's gonna be safe anymore. They might as well just hand the million to me right now. Right?-HEY! WHAT THE HELL?" he exclaimed once everyone tried to dunk him under the sauce.

"Dude, there's a consequence for talking too much." John replied.


	24. Episode 20

Total WWE Action! : The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances (IJLSA)

Episode 20

"Hey there, my hypocrites! This is the codebreaker, Y2J Chris Jericho here with a funtastic episode of TWA coming right at you! Last week, a surprise trap by the trailers sent Kelly, Shawn, and Hunter going down, and Dave, Melina, Candice, and Cena were all on their own. After shutting Dave out of hidey headquarters, he was attacked next, and Cena, Candy, and Mel were the last to be caught after a stinkbomb to the trailer, haha! After everyone woke up in an unfamiliar place, it was their job to compete in their mission, the spy movie challenge! The teams were officially dissolved, and everyone was pretty stoked about that, especially ol Dave. Their first challenge was to capture a bag from the middle of a room, while avoiding the evil laser beams at the bottom. Kelly, Shawn, and Hunter had their own ideas to avoid the lasers, but uh, epic fail? Then, Dave had a solution that would beat all, while avoiding the lasers and capturing the bag. After that, the gang had to escape the room before it blew up! Lucky for those parasites, they all got out. Their second challenge was to diffuse a ticking time bomb strapped to these stinky cans of garbage and crap. Nobody knew what to do, until Shawn decided which wire to cut. After they did, they all made it out ok!...NOT!, haha! After that crappy experience, Dave and Shawn were the lucky winners to a trip to IHOP, until Dave turned it down, pissing Shawn off! This week, will somebody ever do something to stop Dave? And who will get eliminated next? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was a typical evening at TWA...<p>

Kelly and Melina watched Hunter play with a set of Clackers that he found lying around.

"Uh, why is this fun?" asked Melina with a chuckle.

"Mel, these are Clackers! The best of the best! I didn't even know these things were real until I found them!" he exclaimed with a smile.

"Where'd you find them?" asked Kelly.

"Big Show's kitchen." he said casually.

They both gasped.

"What?"

"You should NEVER steal anything from Big Show!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, are you crazy? When he finds out about this, he's gonna kill you!" agreed Melina.

"Aw, I'm not afraid of him. Believe me, I've seen scarier things than him in my day." he replied.

"Like what?" asked Kelly.

"The other day I snuck into Jericho's office because I was bored again, and I found a picture of him in a thong." he replied.

"UGH!" the girls cried.

"Yeah, I never went back in there again." he agreed solemnly.

Then, Shawn joined them with a bag. "Hey, all!" he greeted.

"Hey, where were you?" asked Melina.

"Yeah, we've been looking all over for you." agreed Hunter.

"Well, here's the thing. After that Dave made us lose our prize to IHOP, I managed to persuade Jericho to let me go on my own." he replied.

"How?" asked Kelly.

"The old blue eyed charm, remember? Just look at him like this, and he'll give in to you." he replied with a wink.

"Wow, that really does work." Hunter said, surprised.

"Yep. So, who wants some pancakes?" he asked, waving the bag around.

"YES!" Hunter exclaimed happily. "Sign me up, dude!"

"Cool, thanks!" the girls agreed.

"Sure feels weird having pancakes at...8:00 at night, but it's SO worth it." Kelly said with a smile.

While they all munched their pancakes, Hunter said, "So, about Dave. We really need to do something about him."

"Yeah, I still haven't forgiven him for getting Jeff off of the show!" Kelly said angrily.

"I still haven't forgiven him for getting off Randy!" agreed Melina.

"I'm tired of him always acting all superior to us all the time. It's pissing me off." Hunter said seriously.

"And he tried to take away my trip to IHOP." Shawn agreed. "He's gotten away with a lot of crap lately, and we gotta stop him. I say we start an alliance and the four of us can stick together. Whaddya say?"

"Great idea!" agreed Kelly. "It's four against one! If we all work together, we can get him off of here!"

"So it's settled. The four of us are in this together." Melina said while they all put their hands together.

"And if anyone backs out of the alliance, they're screwed." added Hunter. "Everybody in?"

"YEAH!" they all cried.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Shawn: "This Anti-Dave alliance is gonna work out perfectly! We all have our reasons for getting him outta here, but I think he did the most lowdown thing to me earlier. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY ever takes away a prize from me. Especially if it's all you can eat pancakes from IHOP!"

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>Meanwhile...<p>

"You know, that tomato bath was crazy enough to work!" exclaimed John. "We don't stink like a dump anymore!"

Candice laughed. "True that!" she agreed. "So can you believe we made it this far in the game?"

"Yeah! To tell you the truth, I've never been in the top 7 before, so it kinda feels like an honor, you know?" he asked.

"Same for me!" she agreed. "Now I just know I have a good chance of winning!-Uh, well I mean..."

"Candy, it's ok. You want to win, and so do I. But even if neither of us don't, we can just remember all the fun times we had while we're here together." he replied with a smile.

"Yeah, even when Michelle was still here to ruin things, I was totally going out of my mind to stop her, but you were always there to calm me down." she replied.

"I should say that you were the one to help me. Michelle was totally getting on my last nerve, telling me what to do, calling me her chore bitch, hanging out with Randy and Edge all the time, I just didn't know what to do about her anymore until you convinced me to finally break up with her. I should've listened to you a lot earlier, Candy, I'm sorry." he replied.

"John, you don't have to apologize. I was sick of her treating you that way and plus I was a little...jealous." she said, blushing.

He looked surprised. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Ever since you and Michelle started dating and even after you broke up with her, I was jealous...John, I l-" she began.

"_Lights out, you parasites! Go to sleep!"_ Jericho called on the intercom.

"What were you gonna say, Candy?" he asked.

"Uh, never mind." she said quickly. "I'll, uh, see you tomorrow, ok?"

Surprised, he watched her run off. "Ok, then." he replied.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Candice: "I don't know if I should even tell John how I really feel about him. I mean, I don't want to ruin our friendship!"

John: "I wonder what Candy was trying to say. She said that she 'LL..' What does LL mean?"

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>The next morning...<p>

_"Attention castmates! Please meet me in the main lot for today's challenge!"_ Jericho announced, waking everyone up.

"I swear, if anyone wakes me up from a great dream again, I'll kill em." Hunter muttered, tired.

A few minutes later, everyone (still in their PJs) arrived to find a surprise.

"Help. Help me." a voice called.

"Who's that?" asked Melina.

Dave joined them. "Looking up there might help." he replied.

They all looked up to find Big Show dangling in the air attached by a bungee cord, and he was wearing a prom gown.

"Help. Ok, STOP LOOKING!" he cried to the gang.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" everyone laughed hysterically.

"Looking good, dude!" called Hunter.

"Who's your date gonna be?" called Shawn.

"EVERYBODY, SHUT UP!" he cried. "Jericho, where the hell are you?"

Then, Jericho, dressed in a Captain America- like costume, came flying towards Big Show with his own bungee cord.

"Never fear, your Messiah of Sparkle has arrived-WHOA!" he cried, crashing into his arms.

Before they fell, Jericho quickly said, "Hold me."

"No." replied Big Show.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHH!" they cried, falling to the ground.

"That was entertaining." Cena replied.

"Ok. Well, as you can see, guys, here's your challenge for today. You're all going to be superheroes!" he exclaimed.

"Cool-awesome!" they exclaimed.

"So with being a superhero comes the duds. You all have to make some sort of costumes, and create your own superhero names and powers. When you do, we'll start the first challenge! Now, GO, GO, GO!" he cried, while everyone ran off.

"Can I please get out of this thing?" Big Show asked dully.

"Why? It goes with your eyes and you look very cute in it!" he exclaimed.

Big Show glared at him.  
>"Yeah, that didn't come out right." he said meekly.<p>

Later...

Everyone was able to make their own costumes and superpowers...

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Hunter: "Check it out! I'm the Cerebral Assassin, and trust me, I don't even have to see my competition in order to beat them. Especially you, Dave! I don't know what fancy smancy outfit you cooked up from your lawyers, but it ain't gonna beat mine!"

Dave: "This fancy smancy outfit I cooked up from my lawyers is sure to beat everyone else's. Especially you, Hunter."

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>"Wow, John, who are you supposed to be?" asked Candice.<p>

He wore a black and yellow eyemask, with a black and yellow vest, black baggy shorts, yellow and black sneakers, and two wrist length gloves.

"I'm the Electric Champ! How about you, Candy?" he asked. "You look great, by the way."

She wore a light/dark blue top, with a dark blue mini skirt, blue boots, two blue armbands, and a sparkly blue tiara.

"Thanks!" she exclaimed, blushing. "I'm Marine Woman."

"Awesome. So, about yesterday..." he began.

"Yeah?" she asked nervously.

"You were about to tell me something before Jericho interrupted us. You can tell me now if you want." he replied.

"John, it's really not a big deal. Maybe later, ok?" she asked.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Uh, John, can I talk to you for a sec?" asked Melina.

"Sure, Mel. Be right back, Candy." he told her. "Wow, look at you!"

Melina wore a matching green and black top and bottoms set with white designs on, and green fluffy boots.

"Thanks! I'm Vibrogirl. But anyways, I was wondering if you had beef with Dave like the rest of us do." she said.

"Hmm. I guess I'm annoyed at how he gets away with everything, but not really." he replied.

"Ok, cause I was wondering if you wanted to join an alliance with Kelly, Shawn, Hunter and I. We're teaming together to get Dave outta here, and the more people to join, the better." she explained.

"Sounds like a good offer, but I'm really not planning to join any alliances right about now." he replied.

"But John-" she began.

"Listen, I remember how all these alliances always turn into a mess at the end. Sorry, Mel, but I want no part in this." he said, joining Candice.

"Hm." she muttered.

Meanwhile...

"Hi, guys!" greeted Kelly.

"Hey, Kel!" greeted Shawn.

"You look great! Who are you supposed to be?" asked Hunter.

She wore a red and black top, black bottoms with a red design on it, a red elbow length armband, black boots, and sparkly pink legwarmers.

"Thanks! I'm Mistress Shimmer. How about you guys?" she asked.

Hunter wore his King of Kings shirt with steel shoulder pads, a steel helmet (a kitchen drainer thing) with a compartment that covered one of his eyes, steel armbands, and his ring attire.

Shawn wore his Faith shirt with a hoodie, a camoflauge cowboy hat, cross symbols airbrush-tattooed on both arms, light green shades, his chaps, and his boots.

"I'm the Cerebral Assassin, defender of all that is right!" he said confidently.

"And I'm the Heartbreak Kid, uh, also defender of all that is right!" added Shawn.

"Hello, all." Dave said, walking past them.

Seeing how awesome his outfit looked, they gasped in shock.

He wore a red and black top, matching red and black tights with designs, knee length fancy red and black boots, and wore his regular sunglasses.

"How the hell did you find an outfit like that?" demanded Hunter.

"One threat to your lawyer can do you wonders. You three look nice. But I'll still win, so why bother?" he asked, walking off.

"He really gets on my nerves sometimes." Kelly said, glaring at him.

"Don't worry. When the time comes, he'll get what's coming to him." replied Shawn.

* * *

><p>Later...<p>

Jericho and Big Show were behind a judges table by this stage where the contestants were going to be.

"Haha, this is gonna be fun." Big Show said, wearing a green dragon costume and munching on a twinkie.

"Yes it will be, my friend, yes it will be." agreed Jericho. "Ok, parasites, who's first?"

John came on stage first.

"Well, well, well, Cena. Ok, who are you supposed to be?" asked Jericho. "Give us your intro and anything special you have cooked up for us."

"Ok. I am the Electric Champ! Defender of justice and eliminator of all that is evil!" he said triumphantly. "The power of electricity will shock you back into reality! Ok, how's that?"

"Cheesy." Jericho said dully.

"Yeah, well look at Big Show's outfit! THAT's what you call cheesy!" he argued back.

"HEY! Enough with me, just get on with the superpowers!" Big Show exclaimed.

"Fine, watch and learn." he said, rubbing his feet on a carpet quickly.

"Uh, Cena, this is probably the most deadbeat thing I've ever-" began Jericho.

Then, Cena touched both him and Big Show, electrocuting them!

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" they cried.

"Thank you!" he exclaimed, going backstage.

"...Next." Jericho called dully.

Next, Hunter came onstage.

"Hey, do you guys smell fried chicken?" he asked, alluding to the fact that Jericho and Big Show were still sizzling.

"That's not the point! So, interesting costume, Hunter." said Jericho. "Who are you supposed to be?"

"I am...the Cerebral Assassin! I'm super strong, super powerful, and I can manipulate metals! With the strength of metal, I'll beat you to a pulp! You bring it, I'll bring it better!" he exclaimed.

"Hmm, interesting. So, show us what you can do, then." he replied.

Then, he dragged a nearby cow onstage and said, "Observe."

"Uh oh." Big Show replied.

Hunter used all his strength to shove the heavy cow, and he even tried to lift it, but it wouldn't budge.

"Uh, hold on a sec." he said, still trying to move the cow. "Come on, damn it!"

Then, a bee flew by the cow, and it stung its tail!

"MOOO!" the cow cried, suddenly speeding off.

What Hunter didn't know was that his foot was tied to the cow, so he was dragged along while it sped offstage.

"HEY, HEY, HEY! WHOA, STOP IT! AAH!" Hunter cried.

*CRASH!*

Jericho and Big Show saw him land in a pile of hay.

"Ta da?" Hunter asked meekly.

Jericho looked at him. "Next!"

Next, Melina came onstage.

"Looking good, Mel!" exclaimed Jericho. "So, who are you supposed to be?"

"I'm Vibrogirl, manipulator of sound! You mess with me, I'll hurt you with a surround sound from hell!" she exclaimed. "So?"

"Hmm, pretty nice, actually." he replied. "What can you do?"

"I need silence." she replied.

"What do you mean, you need slience-" he began.

"SHUT UP!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, sending the two almost flying out of their seats!

Jericho hid behind Big Show. "Big Show, I'm frightened." he said, scared.

"You need some warm milk, then?" he asked, giving him a bottle.

"Thank you." he replied, drinking from the bottle.

"Really?" asked Melina.

"It's a choice! Ok, nice job. Next!" he called.

Next, it was Shawn's turn.

"All righty then, very interesting costume, Shawn. Tell us who you're supposed to be." said Jericho.

"I'm the Heartbreak Kid, manipulator of Earth and all that is good! The stability of earth will be a tough challenge for you; I'll teach you a lesson in faith!" he exclaimed.

"Hm. How long did it take you to think of that slogan?" asked Jericho.

"Does it matter?" he demanded.

They just looked at him.

"5 minutes." he said dully.

"Ok. Now, show us what you can do." he replied.

"Ok, you guys are gonna be amazed at this amazing feat. Nobody here's even attempted this yet, but I'm going to do the unthinkable. Fly!" he exclaimed, raising himself with a bungee cord.

"What does this have to do with Earth?" asked Jericho.

"Nothing!" he called back. Then, with the bungee cord secure, he leaped off of one platform, flew through the air, saluted to the judges, and without looking, slammed into the other side of the platform!

"Ooh!" the judges winced.

"...Ow." he said, falling back to the ground.

"Dude, what happened up there?" asked Big Show.

Shawn said nothing and glared at the two while the bungee cord dragged him offstage.

"Uh, ok then. NEXT!" called Jericho.

Next up, Candice came onstage.

"Ooh, looking nice, Candy!" exclaimed Jericho.

"Thank you!" she exclaimed.

"So, who are you?"

"My name is Marine Woman! Protector of the deep blue sea! I show no mercy from defending the ones I love from evildoers like you!" she exclaimed.

"Me?" Big Show asked.

"Nice!" Jericho said, impressed. "So, what can you do?"

"Uh, you sure you're ready for this?" she asked.

"Uh huh." the two said eagerly.

Then, she whipped out a HUGE water gun.

"Oh, crap." Jericho muttered.

"Uh, Candy, can't we talk for a sec?" asked Big Show.

Then, she shot huge blasts of water towards them, soaking them!

"Ok, we got the message. NEXT!" Jericho called, spitting out water.

Next, Dave and his fancy outfit came onstage.

"Whoa." Jericho and Big Show said in shock, seeing his outfit.

"You like?" he asked.

"Kick ass outfit, dude!" exclaimed Jericho. "So, who are you supposed to be?"

"I'm the Animal Cannon, manipulator of uh, lasers and things like that." he said dully.

"That's it?" asked Big Show.

"That's what the lawyer told me to say." he replied.

"...Ok. So, I'm guessing your power will be as crappy as that speech, huh?" asked Jericho.

He adjusted his sunglasses. "Not really." he replied.

Then, after flipping a switch on his glasses, laserbeams shot from them and almost hit the judges!

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" they screamed in terror.

"DUDE!" exclaimed Jericho.

"That's not all." Dave replied, holding out a HUGE laser gun.

"Oh my God, he's trying to murder us." Big Show exclaimed.

"HIT THE DECK!" cried Jericho.

When Dave fired, Jericho and Big Show ducked under their table while the laser created a giant gaping hole in a wall!

"So?" he asked.

The two peeked up from their hiding spot.

"N-next." Jericho said, scared.

Finally, it was Kelly's turn to come up onstage.

"Ok, I've been unsatisfied all day! Can someone come out and 'wow' us?" demanded Jericho.

Then, she came onstage. "Hey, guys." she greeted.

They gazed at her. "Wow." they said, distracted.

"O-Ok, Kelly, who are you s-supposed to be?" he asked, dropping his papers everywhere.

"I'm Mistress Shimmer, manipulator of all things hot! I'll keep everything beautiful with the passion of fire!" she exclaimed.

"I'll say." Big Show replied. "Uh, Jericho?"

He was distracted.  
>"Dude?"<p>

Silence.

"HEY!" he cried.

"Oh, what? Ok, so what can you do?" he asked.

"I uh, found Kane's flamethrower around and I can do a few tricks with it." she replied.

"SHOW US!" they exclaimed, excited.

"Ok!" she exclaimed, twirling the flamethrower around to make cool tricks in the air.

"Ooh." they said, amazed.

"Ta da! How was that?" she asked.

"Can I kiss you?" asked Jericho.

Then, she threw the flamethrower at his head.

*BONK!* "OW!" he cried. "Ok, I take that as a 'no'."

Later, everyone lined up onstage so that the judges could pick out a winner...

"Ok, some of you-well, most of you failed, but overall, not bad. So after some careful deciding, we chose a winner, which is..." he began.

Everyone looked anxious while Dave looked confident.

"Kelly!" he announced.

"Yay!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, Kel!-Great job!" her friends cheered for her.

"Heh?" asked Dave. "How could I not win?"

"Dude, the contest was based on originality, and well, yours was store brought. Show off." Jericho replied.

"How does that matter?" he demanded.

"No more questions, let's all get ready for your second part of the challenge, people." he said, leading them all away while Dave looked pissed.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Dave: "I-my lawyers paid good money for that outfit, and those lasers! Which means I'll have to end up paying THEM instead! I don't know what the others are up to, but they are NOT going to embarrass me like that again!"

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>"Good thing that you won, Kelly." said Shawn. "We sure embarrassed the heck outta Dave, didn't we?"<p>

"Haha, yeah!" she exclaimed. "Maybe we can outsmart him in the next challenge, too."

"Hey, guys, I tried getting John to join our alliance, but he turned us down." said Melina.

"Why?" asked Hunter. "He's just as annoyed with Dave as the rest of us are!"

"Yeah, but he said that he wanted no part of it." she replied. "Candice would probably be on his side, so she wouldn't join either."

"Hey, what if those two are secretly supporting Dave behind our backs?" asked Hunter. "They probably don't want to join because they're working with him!"

"That could be a possibility." agreed Shawn. "Looks like we'll have to watch out for the both of them, too. Who knows what they have up their sleeve?"

Meanwhile...

"Too bad neither of us won the contest, but at least we got time to redeem ourselves." said John.

"Yeah." agreed Candice. "Um, John, maybe I should tell you what I was about to say last night."

"Shoot." he replied.

"After all the time we've spent together, I've realized that...I have feelings for you." she replied nervously.

"Wha?" he asked, surprised.

"I really really like you, John." she replied.

"Candy, I-I had no idea." he replied nervously.

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything!" she exclaimed.

"No, listen. I really really like you, too." he replied.

"Huh?" she asked, surprised.

"All the times we spent together here were just awesome, and you helped me get over Michelle. You've been like my best friend through all of this, Candy, and I really appreciate it." he said with a smile.

Then, while the two gazed at each other, they leaned in for a kiss, but were interrupted when Jericho called out, "Ok, parasites, time for your second challenge!"

"Oh, I guess we better get going." she said disappointedly.

He took her hand. "Well, let's go." he said with a smile.

She blushed and smiled back.

Later...

"Ok, guys, here's your second challenge. As you can see, there's a huge set up here. Your job is to jump up that spring, run across that building, rescue the crying baby, and then get the baby to safety while crossing the electric cables while Big Show here throws bowling balls at you. Simple enough, right?" he asked.

"Uh, quick question. We won't get killed doing any of this, right?" asked Hunter.

"Haha. That is classified information, my friend. That's for you to find out." he said with a laugh. "So, whoever completes the challenge in the least amount of time gets invincibility and prevents themselves from elimination tonight. And Kelly, since you won the first contest, you get an automatic 10 seconds off of your time, no matter what time you get."

"Sweet!" she exclaimed.

Dave looked pissed.

"Ok, Melina, you're lucky number one. Ready?" he asked.

"Sure. Watch and learn, everyone!" she exclaimed.

She leaped off of the spring, landed on top of the building, jumped down, grabbed the doll at the bottom, and then reached the electric cables.

"Ok, Mel, you can do this." she told herself, balancing on the cables.

"I love this job." Big Show exclaimed, tossing the bowling balls towards her.

"HEY! OW!" she cried. "WATCH IT, YOU DOO DOO HEAD!"

"Doo doo head? That's it!" he cried, tossing a ball at her, knocking her off.

"AAAHH!" she cried. "Ow."

"Oh, this is going to be a long day." Jericho said dully.

Then, everyone took their turns at the obstacle course, while Hunter tried to use a garbage lid to block the balls, but it didn't work, John ended up getting shocked by the cable, Candice jumped too high and missed the building, Shawn tried using a tree branch to leap off the building and save the baby, but he ended up crashing to the ground again, and Kelly accidentally burned a part of the cable off with the flamethrower.

"Wow, guys, I'm embarrassed." said Jericho. "None of you even near completed the challenge."

"Well, YOU try going up there, lazy ass!" exclaimed John.

"No need for name calling, thank you very much!" he exclaimed. "Well Dave, you're the only one left. Ready?"

He glared at the Anti-Dave alliance. "Yeah, I am." he said seriously.

Then, before he said 'go', Dave quickly leaped off of the spring, landed on the building, jumped off to rescue the doll, climbed up the cables and then dodged the bowling balls.

"As you can see, nobody makes it past this part." Big Show called to him.

Then, without saying a word, Dave tossed a ball back to him, and knocked him out!

Everyone gasped.

Then, Dave finally reached the finish line!

"No!" cried Hunter.

"How'd I do?" Dave demanded.

"Wow. Well, considering what you did to poor Big Show over there, you completed the challenge in the least amount of time, so you win!" he exclaimed.

He smiled. "Yes."

"Hell no!" exclaimed Melina. "He won, that means he gained invincibility, and that means..."

"He can't get voted off." Hunter finished darkly.

"I'm so SICK of him getting away with things every single week!" exclaimed Shawn.

"So, if he can't go, who will?" asked Kelly.

"Hmm. It can't be any of us, so that leaves Cena and Candice." he replied. "I'd hate to do this, but it is a competition, so who should it be?"

* * *

><p>Later, everyone headed to the elimination ceremony to get rid of someone else...<p>

"All right, tapeworms, I know you've had a rough and tough day of crime fighting, but now it's time to eliminate someone else. And NOT Dave!" he exclaimed.

Everyone made their votes and then...

"TIME'S UP!" he called. "Ok, before I reveal the results, anyone have any last minute thoughts?"

The Anti-Dave alliance glared at Dave, while he glared back at them, and John and Candice just gazed at one another.

"Uh, ok. Here we go then. Dave's obviously safe, and joining him will be...Melina, Kelly, Shawn, and Hunter." he said, throwing awards to them.

"What?" John and Candice cried, shocked.

"Yep, John and Candy. One of you stays, and one of you goes. And the person leaving tonight is..."

Candice held John's arm while they both looked extremely nervous.

"Cena." he finished, tossing an award to Candice.

"NO!" she cried.

He sighed. "All right. We all win and we all lose, right?" he asked.

"Cena, we didn't want to vote you off, but since Dave couldn't go...we didn't have a choice." Melina said sadly.

"We're so sorry, John." added Kelly.

"It's all right, you guys. I'm not mad. I actually have an announcement to make before I go." he said. "I didn't get to finish what I had to say to a very special person in my life, and I'll say it now."

"Uh, John?" Candice asked, confused.

"I love Candice Michelle, and I have for a long time!" he exclaimed.

Everyone gasped, and Candice lit up. "And I love John Cena!" she exclaimed back.

Then, they ran towards each other, until John tripped and fell.

"John, you ok?" she asked.

He smiled. "Sure am." he replied, while they shared their first kiss!

"Aw!" they exclaimed.

"That's what I was trying to tell you earlier, John. I love you." she said sincerely.

"I love you too, Candy." he replied as Jericho led him to the Lambo.

"Ok, you've been here long enough, it's time to say sayonara!" Jericho exclaimed.

"Later, guys!" John called as the lambo drove away.

"Bye-See you later!" they called back.

"Well, another day safe, another 5 star dinner for me. Later, people." Dave said, leaving.

"Candice, you gonna be ok?" asked Hunter.

She wiped away a tear. "Guys? Can I join this alliance of yours?" she asked, angrily glaring at Dave.

"Sure you can." replied Shawn. "Well, almighty Dave's cornered now."

"Yeah, with the 5 of us together, we'll eventually tear him apart." agreed Hunter.


	25. Episode 21

TWA Chatterbox 3: When Vipers, Champs, and Enigmas Collide

Episode 21

The audience cheered as CM Punk and Maria came onstage.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they cheered.

"Hey, dudes and chicks!" greeted Maria. "The oh so hot CM Punk here..."

"...with my gorgeous Maria are back with ya for another insane installment of the TWA Chatterbox!" finished Punk. "How you guys doing out there?"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience cheered again.

"All right, before we move on, let's say hello to our growing population over at our Chatterbox commentators section!" he exclaimed. "Give it up for, Santino Marella, The Glamazon, Kane, Maryse, Edge, Natalya, the Undertaker, and our newest commentators, Michelle McCool, Mickie James, and Matt Hardy!"

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered.

"I totally don't deserve to be here." Matt said angrily. "I still deserve to be in the competition! I should've outlasted my brother this time! Uh, ex-brother!"

"Hey, you're not the only one, all right?" asked Michelle. "My so called 'friend' Randy totally stabbed me in the back! I don't ever want to see him again!"

"Well, sister, I DO want to see Randy again!" exclaimed Natalya. "I MISS HIM!"

Everyone looked at her.

"WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?" she demanded.

"Ok, cool it down, you guys." replied Maria. "As a matter of fact, you will be seeing those guys here today."

"That's right, Ria. Over the past few weeks there's been nothing but controversy regarding our last three eliminations, and those guys are here to tell all." continued Punk.

"Our first guest is a definite fan favorite, and had one hell of a time when he was still on the show. His elimination was definitely unexpected, and with that being said, here he is, the Charismatic Enigma, Jeff Hardy!" exclaimed Maria.

_"Don't you see the writing on the wall (Don't you see the writing on the wall) You're in way over your head, you're gonna drown in the things that you said. Time has come and gone for words, a thousand threats I've heard before, but words are cheap, but lies are faint to me..."_

"WHOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered once he came out and signaled to everyone.

After he greeted some of the commentators, and the audience, he glared at Matt while he glared back at him.

"Jeff!" greeted Mickie, giving him a hug. "Nice to see you again!"

"Hey, Mickie, what's up?" he asked.

"Hey, how's it going, man?" asked Punk as he greeted both him and Maria.

"Pretty good, thanks." he replied.

"Ok, so Jeff, how's it feel to be eliminated for the very first time?" asked Maria.

"Well, I'm still bummed about it, but hey, you win some, you lose some, right?" he asked.

"That's a good attitude to have! So, you miss the guys back in the game?" she asked.

"Totally, I had a blast being on the show. But most of all I really miss Kelly. Kel, if you're watching, just know that I'm extremely proud of you for making it this close in the game. Do whatever it takes to win, and don't let anyone intimidate you. I love you, babe." he said sincerely.

"AWW!" exclaimed everyone.

"That's-a so-a sweet!" cried Santino.

"Ok, so now to spice things up around here, let's play a little game with you." said Punk.

"Ok, what kind of game?" he asked.

"Behold...*takes sheet off*...the chair of Truth!" Punk exclaimed, revealing a chair with wires connected to it.

"Dude, I really don't like where this is going." Jeff said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, Punky, what's this for?" asked Maria.

"You know how we have our regular games here, the piranha dunk tank, Truth or chokeslam, remember? So, Jeff, in this game, you just sit here and we'll ask you a series of questions. If you lie, you get painfully shocked. Ok?" asked Punk.

"Punk, that's a terrible game to play!" exclaimed Maria. "We're not trying to kill him!"

"Maria, it's ok. I always tell it like it is, so nothing'll happen to me." Jeff replied, getting strapped in.

"We'll see about that." muttered Punk. "So, here we go. Do you think that you were eliminated too early in the game?"

"Not really, I spent a decent amount of time there, so it's time for someone else to win this year." he replied.

Punk waited for the buzzer, but nothing happened. "Ok, will there ever be a possibility of you and Randy becoming friends?" he asked.

Jeff just looked at him and then bursted out laughing.

"I'm guessing that's a 'no'." said Maria.

"Ok, uh, here's one! Have you ever dated anyone before Kelly?" Punk asked with a smile.

"Dude-" he began.

"Answer the question!" he exclaimed.

He sighed. "Punk, I told you this before, Maria and I used to date before you got with her." he said.

"Damn it, why isn't this thing working?" Punk demanded.

"Punk, you thought I was lying about that the whole time?" Jeff demanded.

"Well, YES!" he cried.

"Punky, really, it happened a long time ago, can we just move on?" asked Maria.

"Fine, you're free to go." Punk said, letting him out of the chair. "Jeez, I was hoping the chair would work at least once."

Jeff glared at him. "Thanks, pal." he said dully.

"I can't believe you used to go out with her!" he exclaimed.

"Punk, for the last time, that was about 4 years ago! I moved on, so why can't you?" Jeff demanded.

"Maria's MY woman! Only I can date her!" he argued.

"She's MY friend!" Jeff argued back. "I can talk to her whenever I want to!"

"Traitor!" Punk exclaimed.

"Aw, stop whining, will ya?" Jeff demanded. "You big baby!"

"Ok, uh, we're gonna go to a commercial, while we get things settled here." said Maria. "We'll be right back!"

* * *

><p>Back to the show...<p>

"Hey, guys, we're back, and fortunately we got things back on the right track again." announced Maria.

"Yeah, Jeff and I are still friends." replied Punk.

"And Kane and Undertaker threatened to attack us if we kept fighting, so we're good now." agreed Jeff.

"Ok! So now let's bring out our next guest. Uh, let's just say, nobody really likes him." said Maria.

"Nobody saw his elimination come so early, either, so well, we'd hate to bring him out, but we have to." Punk said dully. "Here he is, the Legend Killer..."

"Well, I'm ready." Jeff said, grabbing a baseball bat.

"Randy Orton." he continued.

_"I hear voices in my head, they council me, they understand, they talk to me..."_

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience jeered once Randy came onstage.

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Natalya cried excitedly. "RANDY ORTON, I KNEW YOU'D BE BACK!"

"AH!" he cried. "Someone get this basket case away from me!"

"Gotcha covered." Edge said, restraining her along with Michelle. "Great to see you again, man! Now Rated RKO's reunited!"

"This is not the kind of reunion I had in mind." he said darkly. "Uh, hey Michelle."

"Hmph!" she scoffed, ignoring him.

"Come on, are you still gonna ignore me?" he demanded.

"Why don't you talk to your new little girlfriend Melina?" she asked.

"Michelle, she's not here right now, don't worry about her. I-I've been thinking and...it hurts me when you're pissed at me. I still want us to be friends. Just like old times." he said.

"Hey, Rand, guess what I found at the swap meet the other day?" asked Edge.

"Shut up, Edge!" he cried.

"Listen, Randy, I need time to think, ok? I'm not giving you any answers right now." Michelle replied.

"RANDY!" screamed Natalya. "I love you!"

"Ok, can someone get her outta here?" he demanded, backing away.

Edge slapped duct tape on her mouth. "Got it covered."

Once he turned around, he faced Jeff.

"Orton." he said darkly.

"Hardy." he growled back.

"Ok, ok, before the fight starts, we're supposed to talk to you, Randy." said Punk.

"What do you want?" he demanded.

"It's time for another edition of The Chair of Truth!" he announced. "Randy, we're going to ask you a series of questions, and if you lie, you get shocked. Got it?"

As an intern strapped him in the chair, he said, "Wait, what? What the hell is this?"

"Ok, first question. After your big rivalry with Jeff, do you see him as a threat?" asked Punk.

Randy scoffed. "Hardy? I can wipe the floor with him!" he exclaimed.

Jeff rolled his eyes.

Then, the chair shocked him!

"OW!" he cried, looking crispy.

"YES! It worked!" Punk exclaimed.

"So you DO think he's a threat to you! This is getting fun!" exclaimed Maria.

"Told ya! Ok, next question." he said.

"Hold on." Randy said, putting on a new mullet wig.

Everyone stared at him.

"Really, Orton?" asked Jeff.

"Just ask the questions!" he exclaimed.

"All right, do you really have feelings for Melina?" he asked.

Michelle looked on, curious.

"Well, DUH!" he exclaimed. "She's my woman, of course I do!"

Then, *BUZZ!*

"OH!" everyone cried in shock.

"What? I do have feelings for her, what the hell are you talking about?" he demanded. "This thing's rigged!"

"We're really getting some juicy stuff here! Next question. Since you apparently lied about Melina, do you have any romantic feelings towards Michelle?" he asked.

Michelle blushed, and so did Randy.

"We're just friends, all right? Nothing more." he replied.

*BUZZ!* "OW!" he cried, getting shocked again.

Michelle and Edge looked shocked, and so did Randy.

"There you have it folks, Randy lied about Melina, but actually has a crush on Michelle!" exclaimed Maria.

"WHAT?" demanded Natalya, ripping the tape off. "Randy loves ME!"

"Only on the TWA Chatterbox." Punk said with a smile. "Next question-"

"That is it, I'm DONE!" Orton exclaimed, storming out of the chair.

"Where you going, Orton, you coward?" demanded Jeff.

He whipped around. "What did you call me?" he demanded.

"You heard me." he replied. "Whenever you got a problem, you just run away from it. You're pathetic."

"Oh ho, ME?" Randy demanded. "Well, at least I don't screw everything up 24/7 like you do!"

Jeff was furious. "Shut up, Orton!" he exclaimed. "At least I have a steady girlfriend, you totally lied about Melina! When I see her again, I'll tell her exactly what kind of snake you are."

"The hell you will!" Randy exclaimed, about to attack him.

Then...

*rap beat*

_"Your time is up, my time is now, you can't see me, my time is now! It's the franchise boy, I'm shinin now, you can't see me, my time is NOW!"_

"Uh, you forgetting someone?" asked John.

"Here's our third guest for today, John Cena!" exclaimed Maria.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered.

"Sorry we forgot, man." said Punk. "We were just about to watch the fight of the century between these two."

"No. I won't waste my time fighting with him." Jeff replied. "Cena, since you're here, you have to play The Chair of Truth like we did."

"Really? Sounds fun!" he exclaimed. "How do I play?"

"I'll ask you a series of questions and if you lie, you get electrocuted. Got it?" asked Punk.

"Uh, can I like, NOT do this?" Cena asked nervously.

"No. First question. We've seen that you've ended things with Michelle, but do you really still have a thing for her?" he asked.

He glared at Michelle while she looked back at him.

"John, it was a mistake before, all right?" she asked. "I-I didn't mean to hurt you! If that Candice wasn't in the way-"

"To answer your question, NO, I do not have a thing for her." he said seriously.

Michelle shook her head in surprise.

"Damn it, you're telling the truth. Ok, next question. Why did it take you most of the season to say that you loved Candice?" he asked.

"I guess I just had everything bottled up inside. After all this mess with Michelle, Candy really just showed me what true friendship was and that's why I love her." he replied.

"AWW!" exclaimed everyone.

"Ok, here's one more question, and I want a definite answer for this one. I know that you've had a huge crush on Maria-"

She sighed, and Jeff rolled his eyes at him.

"-but for how long, though?" he asked suspiciously.

"Punk, that whole mess with me, Michelle, and you guys is beyond finished!" he exclaimed.

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!" he exclaimed.

"I've had a crush on her when she first came here, all right? But we're just friends, and only friends." Cena replied.

"That's what I hear from everyone! But everyone listen and listen good. Maria's MY girlfriend, and MINE only. So-" he began.

"PUNK!" Jeff and John called at the same time. "GET OVER IT, WILL YA?"

"Sorry." he said meekly.

"Ok, so anyways-" began Maria. "Oh, cool, we got a visitor via webcam!"

"Sweet!" exclaimed Punk. "Hey, you're on the TWA Chatterbox, what's your name?"

Then, a small figure came onscreen. "My name is Jigsaw. And I want to play a game." he said.

Everyone was dead silent.

"He's my hero." Kane said with a sick smile.

"Mine, too." agreed Undertaker.

"Uh...huh. Right, next visitor, you're on the TWA Chatterbox, what's your name?" Punk asked, quickly switching the channel.

"Hey, guys, I'm Chuck and I have a question for the three of you guys." he said.

"Shoot." said John.

"You've all been eliminated by the same person, Dave Batista in the past few weeks. Do any of you have any remorse for what he did, or don't you want revenge on him?"

"That's a good question, Chuck." said John. "Yeah, Dave's gotten away with way too much lately, and this whole contract crap needs to end. The guys were forced to vote me off because of his invincibility. You have anything to add, Jeff?"

"Sure do." he agreed. "He waltzes back in the competition and starts telling me what to do! And to add insult to injury, his one vote against me sends me out of the show, it was totally unfair and I hope he gets his soon enough. What about you, Orton?"

"I'd hate to say it, but I agree. He thinks he's all tough now that he's got his little lawyers and such on the side. Well, news flash, Dave, do any damn thing you want now, but you better sleep with one eye open because you've did it now. You eliminated Hardy, which was supposed to be MY job-"

"Thanks, Orton." Jeff said sarcastically, glaring at him.

"-you eliminated Cena, which I was also planning to do-*Cena glares at him*-and worst of all, you eliminated me, Randy Orton!" he exclaimed. "That answer your question?"  
>"Uh, Orton, Chuck left because you were talking too much." announced Maria.<p>

"NOBODY EVER LISTENS TO ME!" he shouted, fixing his ruined wig.  
>"...OW!" cried Punk. "Ok, while we make sure our eardrums aren't shattered, we've got some never before seen footage sent in from Dave himself."<p>

"Oh, really now?" asked John. "Did he want to rub in the fact that he got us all off?"

"Don't know. Let's pop in the tape and see." said Punk.

Then, Dave came onscreen and said, "Hey, guys, what's up? Listen, I know it wasn't right to get you guys eliminated like that, but it's a competition, remember? Anyway, I found some old footage of stuff from the show and I thought I could share some memories and such with you. Enjoy."

"This should be good." Jeff replied dully.

Then, the tape showed Randy posing in front of a mirror with a handful of different wigs, including one with dreadlocks, spikes (but they fell off), and long shaggy hair that he couldn't see through and he bumped into a wall.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" everyone laughed hysterically as Orton turned red.

"Wow, and you decided to choose the worst hairstyle from the 80s?" John asked with a laugh.

"Stuff it, Cena." he muttered.

Back on the tape this time, John was in a bubble bath, with a soapy beard, playing with a toy shark and a hand puppet.

"No, no, don't clean me, Mr. Clean!" John exclaimed in a high pitched voice. "I'm just a sea animal! Don't you swim away from me, you're covered with dirt and grime. No, NOO!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" everyone laughed again.

Jeff laughed. "Dude!" he exclaimed.

"And this is the secret life of the Macho John Cena!" announced Randy.

"Hey, what I do in my spare time is none of your business!" he exclaimed, turning red. "I'm sure you've played with bathtub toys once in your lives!"

"Yeah, when I was 5." replied Jeff.

"Ditto." agreed Randy.

Back on the screen, Matt was seen messing around with the vault from the Bank heist challenge, and he had it specially made so that it couldn't get opened. "Haha, there's no way Jeff could possibly win this one. " he said evilly. Then, he was seen switching the parts for the car they were supposed to build with faulty ones. "No car means no win, dude."

Jeff looked shocked. "What the-?" he began, shooting a look at Matt, who smiled.

Back on the screen, Matt was speaking to Dave in a secluded place. "You sure you're getting back on the show?" asked Matt.

"Sure am." he replied. "The lawyers got my contract ready, so I'm good."

"Good. So, I have a preposition for you, then." he replied.

"Yeah?"

"I'll pay you $5,000 to eliminate Jeff." he replied. "If you can use your contract to do so."  
>"Hmm." he said thoughtfully.<p>

"What I'm saying is that you'll have no trouble staying on the show, but you have to do something to eliminate him from the competition. Using your contract is the safest way to do it. So what do you say?" he asked.

"For $5,000, you've got yourself a deal, Hardy." Dave said, shaking his hand.

"I knew'd you see things my way." he said with an evil smile.

When the tape ended, a shocked Jeff looked at Matt.

"Oh, my God." Cena said, surprised.

"Wow, what a strategy." Randy said, surprised. "I oughta do something like that one day."

"Matt, how could you?" Jeff demanded, storming up to him.

"Hey, I told you you wouldn't win another season! I told you that I'd find a way to eliminate you, and well, now you know." Matt replied.

"You sabotaged my team's challenges, and-and you PAID to have me eliminated?" he demanded. "This is like, the worst thing anyone's ever done to me."

"Now you know how it feels to be in second place." he replied. "I'm only doing this to teach you a lesson."

Mickie punched him on the arm and glared at him.

"What? Oh, don't give me that look!" he exclaimed.

"I'm sorry they did that to you, man." John said sincerely.

"Yeah, that was totally screwed up!" Maria exclaimed angrily. "Are you gonna be ok?"

"I don't know, you guys. I'm kinda in shock right now that my own brother had the nerve to do that to me." he replied.

"So, what are you gonna do now?" asked Punk.

"I gotta take my anger out on someone. Hey, Orton, come here." he said.

"Oh, don't come to me with your sad little story!" he exclaimed. "Leave me out of it."

Then, Jeff angrily snatched off his wig.

"HEY! Damn it, Hardy, give it back!" he exclaimed, frantically trying to take it away from him.

"Cena, go long!" Jeff called, tossing the wig to him on the other side.

"STOP IT!" Randy exclaimed, chasing everywhere for the wig.

"Haha, this is pretty fun!" John exclaimed, tossing the wig back to Jeff.

Then, he tossed the wig towards John, put landed in Natalya's lap. "AAHHHHHHHHHH! His wig! I caught his wig! That means I get to marry him on a boat in Mexico!"

"Aw, HELL no!" Randy exclaimed, trying to escape her. "GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Don't you want your wig back, Randy?" she asked.

"KEEP IT!" he cried.

"WHEEE, I love you!" she exclaimed as security guards tried to drag her away.

"Well, that's all the time we have for today and I believe we all learned some things." said Punk.

"You sure as hell can't trust anyone anymore." Jeff replied.

"And uh, it's bad to mess with Randy and his many wigs." added John.

"Especially when Natalya's around." agreed Jeff.

"Well said, you guys." replied Maria. "We'll see you guys in a few weeks for another chaotic episode of the TWA Chatterbox!"

"And as Jerry says, take care of yourselves...and each other!" exclaimed Punk. "Now, guys, about you two and Maria..."

"UHH!" Jeff, Cena, and Maria all groaned, walking away.

"WAIT! Don't walk away from me, I need answers!" Punk exclaimed. "How about we use the Chair of Truth again?"

"NO!" they all exclaimed.


	26. Episode 22

Total WWE Action! : The Princess and the Dave

Episode 22

"Hey, my parasites in TV Land! The Ayatollah of rock and rolla here, Chris Jericho with another unpredictable episode of TWA coming right at ya! Last time, Shawn, Hunter, Melina, and Kelly all planned to begin an Anti-Dave alliance, where their ultimate goal was to bring him down once and for all! Meanwhile, John and Candy got a little alone time, but what secret was she exactly hiding from him? The next day, they were transformed into superheroes for the next challenge! First, each castmate had to present their superhero aliases, and demonstrate their powers. Cena was the Electric Champ, literally giving us a little shock, Hunter was the Cerebral Assassin, who demonstrated his strength by getting owned by a farm animal, Melina was Vibrogirl, who had one hell of a voice, Shawn was the Heartbreak Kid, who tried to fly, but ended up with a face plant, Candice was Marine Woman, who, uh, supersoaked us, Dave was the Animal Cannon, complete with his fancy smancy shiny outfit. He really went the extra mile after almost blowing our heads off with his missile of a laser gun! Finally, Kelly was Mistress Shimmer, and all we had to say was...WOWZERS. And because of that, she was the winner of the first challenge, but Dave wasn't finished yet. The second challenge sent our superheroes on a mission to the finish line, and while everyone failed, Dave redeemed himself and shocked everyone else when he was the only competitor to complete the challenge in record time! The Anti-Dave alliance was pissed, and because Dave now had invincibility, the four were forced to decide between John and Candy for elimination. At the ceremony, those two were indeed the bottom two, and the result-Cena goes home next, but not without saying a little 'I love you' to Candy! After that, Candice was finished with Dave and decided to join the alliance. This week, will Dave have a huge roadblock in front of him with literally everybody against him, or will he trick them all once again? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was a normal day at TWA, and for some reason, everyone (minus Dave) was playing with Play Doh...<p>

"Where'd you guys find this stuff, anyway?" asked Melina. "I haven't played with this since I was 5!"

"Jericho's office." Shawn and Hunter said at the same time.

"He plays with Play Doh?" Kelly asked with a laugh.

"Yeah, probably when he's sad and lonely, he makes an imaginary friend to talk to." replied Hunter.

"Hey! That gave me an idea!" exclaimed Shawn.

"What?" asked everyone else.

"Let's have a play doh building contest!" he explained. "We make whatever we want, and the best model wins! Whaddya say?"

"Awesome!-All right!" they agreed.

"Hey, guys." Candice said sadly, joining them.

"Hey, Candy, you feeling ok?" asked Kelly.

"I guess. I just miss John so much now." she replied. "If Dave didn't get invincibility for the millionth time, John would still be here."

"Don't worry about Dave, we all have our reasons for trying to get him outta here." replied Melina. "That's why we're all in this alliance!"

"So, do you guys think with all of us together, we'll definitely be able to get him off?" she asked.

"I wouldn't say definitely, but we'll try everything we possibly can." replied Shawn. "So, you want to join us for the play doh building contest?"

"Play doh? Uh, ok, cool!" she exclaimed.

"Just build whatever you want, and at the end we'll pick a winner." he replied.

"So, what does the winner get?" asked Hunter.

"Uh...I got 75 cents and a Spongebob sticker." he replied, looking in his pockets.

"Good enough. Let's do this, everyone!" Hunter exclaimed.

While they were building, Dave joined them and wondered what they were doing.

"Uh, why is this happening?" he asked.

Everyone glared at him.

"Ok, no need to give me the silent treatment." he continued. "So, why are you all playing with play doh?"

"If you must know, we're in a contest to build the best model." replied Melina. "I don't think this concerns you in any way."

"Wow, you know, you guys make a competition out of everything. If you strategize like me, you'd only focus on competing in the real game, not...with play doh!" he said with a chuckle.

"Well, we're not you, so we can do whatever we want." replied Hunter. "Deal with it."

"Hmm. Might as well see what you guys got." he said, walking around. "Whoa, what's that...thing?" he asked Hutner.

"It's not a THING! It's my Sledgie!" he exclaimed angrily.

"Looks like a mudcake." Dave said dully.

"Oh, WHO ASKED YA?" Hunter demanded angrily.

Next, he saw what Shawn made. "Uh, what?" he asked.

"They're pancakes! See, like the ones that I had to sneak out for because YOU cancelled our trip to IHOP!" Shawn exclaimed angrily.

"Dude, are you still on that? What is it with you and pancakes?" he asked.

"Pancakes are like little golden circles of joy! Who doesn't love em?" he asked.

Next, Dave moved on to Melina. "So...who's that supposed to be?" he asked.

"Uh, isn't it obvious? It's me!" she exclaimed with a smile.

"Looks like a cross between Tori Spelling and Cher." he said, moving on.

She gasped. "How dare you!" Melina shot back.

"An arm, Candy?" Dave asked her. "Should I be surprised at this?"

"If you need to know so bad, it's a model of John's muscle." she said dreamily. "It's so perfect."

"Yeah, if you want to call it a marshmallow, it's perfect." he replied, moving on.

"Oh!" she cried, insulted. "If John was here right now, he'd kick your-oh, never mind." she said sadly.

Finally, he approached Kelly. "Uh, wow, that's pretty good." he told her. "What is it?"

She glanced at him. "It's me and Jeff holding hands under a rainbow." she replied, putting the finishing touches on.

Then, another clay figure stood next to Kelly's figure.

"Uh, what are you doing?" she asked.

"It's uh, me. Don't mind if I join you, do you?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Yeah, actually I do mind." she replied. "I'm still angry with you after what you did."

"Kelly, that was like, 4 weeks ago!" he exclaimed. "Don't you think it's time to move on?"

She shot a look at him. "Look, I don't know what you're talking about, and I really don't want to know." she said, walking away.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Kelly: "What the hell does he mean by 'moving on'? If he thinks that I'll forgive him for eliminating Jeff, then he's crazy!"

Candice: "I'll keep this model as a memento of how much fun John and I had together...WAAH! John, I miss you!" she cried.

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Ok, so since everyone's finished, let's choose a winning model." announced Shawn. "In third place-"<p>

Before he could finish, a trumpet played a royal theme.

"What the?" asked Hunter.

Big Show, dressed as a medieval assistant, said, "Hear ye, hear ye, make way for our honorable savior, Chris Jericho."

Then, Jericho, dressed in a king's outfit, complete with a crown walked in on a red carpet.

"Ok, any reason why you and your tacky outfit had to interrupt the judging of the play doh building contest?" demanded Shawn.

He looked insulted. "Tacky? I'll have you know this is 100% genuine polyester blend! And-and how the hell did you get my secret stash of play doh?" he demanded.

"Jericho, we break into your office and take your things every day." Hunter said dully. "You should be used to this by now."

"Ok, if I catch ANY of you stealing-" began Jericho.

"Dude, totally off topic." muttered Big Show.

"Oh, right. Ok, my loyal masomorphs, your next challenge-" he began, taking out a glass slipper.

"Ooh!" exclaimed Candice. "We're doing fairy tales today! I love fairy tales!"

"Hey! If you steal my thunder again, you'll be joining Cena out on the sidelines!" Jericho exclaimed.

"Sorry!" she exclaimed.

"Ok, since she told you, we're doing fairy tales today. Now, since Candy here blabbed a lot, she doesn't get a chance to be today's princess." he explained.

"What? All I said was that we're doing-" she began.

"SILENCE!" he interrupted. "So, Melina, and Kelly, it's down to you two. Whoever fits the glass slipper gets to be today's princess for the challenge."

"Well, better get me a dress and a new hairstyle, because this girl-" Melina began as she tried on the slipper...only, it didn't fit.

"Failed." finished Jericho.

Melina kicked him in the leg.

"OW!" he cried, glaring at her. "Ok, you're our only hope, Kel. Or else one of the guys might have to wear a dress."

"Wouldn't want that to happen, now do we?" Shawn asked quickly.

"Yeah, I don't want a repeat of that halloween party back in 95." agreed Hunter. "You know, with the cross-dresser and the huge cake, and the whipped cream..."

"Don't remind me!" exclaimed Shawn. "I still get nightmares from that!"

"Ok, I hope this works." Kelly said with hope, trying on the slipper...and it fit!

"There you have it. I know crown thee...Princess Kelly!" announced Jericho.

"WHOO!" she cried happily, accidentally kicking the shoe off, which bumped into Shawn's eye.

"OW!" he cried from a distance.

"That's gonna leave a horrible ouchie." Hunter said, wincing.

"Oops! I'm sorry, Shawn!" Kelly cried back.

"Happens." he replied, revealing a black eye. "And what in God's name is a masomorph?"

* * *

><p>*Scene now cuts to a cozy room*<p>

"Hello, my parasites. Chris Jericho here, and the castmates' first challenge is just about to begin." he said, wearing a robe, with a bubbly pipe, and a storybook in hand. "Now, ordinarily, fairy tales are filled with romance, passion, drama, tragedy, all that good stuff. Well, this won't be an ordinary fairy tale, you know why? Because ordinary fairy tales don't have huge, killer ogres that'll eat you ALIVE!" he exclaimed. "Ahem. Ok, maybe I went a little overboard with that. See, our castmates must be able to cross a bridge with a scary ogre in their path. And one thing-they have to do it...blindfolded, hahahaha! Will they succeed? Probably not, but you decide."

Later that day...

"_Aw, come on, Jericho, do we seriously have to wear these?"_ Hunter asked from another room.

"Come on! I bet you'll look great...NOT! Hahahaha!" he laughed.

Then, Shawn and Hunter came out in matching Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum costumes.

"Hunter?" asked Shawn.

"Yeah, Shawn?"

"You do know that millions of people are viewing this right now?" he asked.

"Yes, Shawn. Yes, I do." Hunter agreed.

"Look, it's Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber." Jericho laughed.

"Shut up, Jericho." they both said dully.

Next, Candice came out, wearing a Tinkerbell costume, Melina wore a sleeping beauty costume, and Dave wore a sad rendition of a Robin Hood costume.

"What, Dave, your lawyers couldn't find anything better for you?" Melina asked with a laugh.

"Frankly, I don't care what costumes they give me." he replied. "I have other issues to deal with. And where's Kelly? Shouldn't she be in this contest, too?"

"Princess Kelly doesn't have to compete in this challenge." replied Jericho.

"Yeah, why are you so concerned, Dave?" asked Hunter. "Bummed out that you actually have to work for once?"

"NO, I-I just wanted to see what she looked like, is all." he replied.

The Anti-Dave alliance just looked at him.

"...Ok, awkward. So, I told you what you guys have to do, so whoever makes it past the ogre..." began Jericho.

"That's me." Big Show replied, wearing a junky looking monster costume.

"Wins. Who wants to go first?" he asked.

"Hey, can me and Candice go together?" asked Melina. "We thought up an awesome plan!"

"Suit yourselves." he replied, giving them blindfolds. "Whenever you're ready."

Then, Melina hopped in a wagon, with Candice right behind her.

"On 3, we go. 1...2...3!" Melina counted as Candice pushed the wagon and quickly hopped inside.

Once they sped near Big Show, he casually stuck his foot out, caused Melina to fly out of the wagon and left Candice inside while the wagon pretty much fell apart. "Did we win?" she asked.

Melina came out from behind a bush. "No." she said dully.

"Bummer. NEXT!" called Jericho.

"Hey, if they can go at the same time, so can we." announced Hunter. "That way, Dave'll have no choice but to go on his own."

"And he will not like that." agreed Shawn, putting on a blindfold.

Then, they approached Big Show, but little did anyone know, Hunter wore his blindfold so that he could see a little.

"I got an idea." he said quietly. "Hey, Big Show."

"Cut the small talk. Turn away before I do that for you." he replied.

"You don't scare us!" exclaimed Shawn. "Just let us walk across, and this conversation will be all over."

"I'm serious. Turn away before I hurt you two. BADLY." Big Show said, holding out a whip.  
>"Is that an illegal weapon?" Shawn asked nervously.<p>

"Could be." he replied.

"Dude, can we just go or what?" Hunter asked impatiently.

"GO AWAY!" Big Show shouted.

"Ok, you asked for it." Hunter said casually.

"Asked for what?" asked Shawn.

"Just this." Hunter said, then punching Big Show square in the face!

"OW!" he cried.

"Run, Shawn, RUN!" Hunter cried as they both sped off to the other side of the bridge, leapt behind a wall and made funny faces at him from a distance.

"Jericho, are you gonna allow that?" demanded Big Show.

"Dude, that was freakin hilarious! They just sent you to school!" laughed Jericho.

"I hate my job." Big Show said dully.

"Ok, so the girls lost, DX made it across, and now it's all down to you, Dave." Jericho told him. "Think you can do this?"

He was turned the other way.

"Dave?"

No answer.

"YO!" cried Jericho.

He whipped around. "What?" he asked.

"Dude, are you ok? You've been out of it today. Those lawyers in trouble with you? Wait, are we in trouble with the lawyers, because I can do whatever you want so I don't get sued!"

"Jericho, nothing's wrong." he replied, putting on a blindfold. "Let's get this over with."

Then, he managed to find Big Show, but he was twirling around some heavy bowling balls connected to chains. "Hello, Dave. Hope you're not planning to get past me anytime today!" he exclaimed.

Then, through the blindfold, he saw images of Kelly instead of the bowling balls. "Let her go, you big oaf!" he cried, waving a Twinkie around.

He dropped the bowling balls. "Uh, hey, be careful with those." he said cautiously.

He had on a sick smile. "You want them? Then GO GET EM!" he cried, tossing them in another direction.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY TWINKIES!" Big Show cried, speeding away.

Then, Dave grabbed the bowling balls and joined Hunter and Shawn on the other side.

"Kelly, you ok?" Dave asked.

"What?" Hunter asked, confused. "Dude, take the blindfold off!"

He did, seeing that he had a bowling ball in his hand. "Uh, did I say that?" he asked nervously.

"...Any reason why you thought that was Kelly?" Shawn asked cautiously.

"Uh, maybe it was the blindfold. It was on too tight." he replied.

"You've been acting strange all day, dude." said Hunter. "First, you wonder where Kelly is, then you think this bowling ball is her? Something's up, dude, and we want to know."

"Nothing's going on!" he argued. "I'm just having an off day, people have them sometimes, ok?"

While he walked off, Shawn said, "He's lying through his teeth. Why's he so obsessed with Kelly today?"

"I don't know, but we'll definitely find out." replied Hunter.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Dave: "It's definitely an off day. People have hallucinations about other people all the time. You know, nice, blonde, gorgeous, people with eyes as blue as the sky on a bright spring day...uh...*cuts camera off*

Shawn: "Ok, maybe Dave's little problem today'll be like a setback for him, and an advantage for us. He'll get totally distracted from the challenge, he'll lose, we'll vote him off, and we'll live happily ever after! We can celebrate with pancakes!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Then, Melina and Candice, both injured, finally joined everyone.<p>

"What'd we miss?" Melina asked, dazed.

*cuts back to cozy room scene*

"Well, what the hell was that about? Nobody knows!" exclaimed Jericho. "So, Dave's obsessed over Kelly all of a sudden, Candice can't stop thinking about Cena, DX is getting the dirt on Dave, and poor Melina got ambushed by a wagon! And that was only the beginning of the story. YO, someone get me the warm milk!"

Later...

"Hey, guys, anything new with Dave so far?" Melina asked DX.

"Yeah, ok, you notice how strange he's acting today? Kinda like...distant." said Hunter.

"That's true. You know, when he was commenting on our sculptures from earlier, he insulted all of ours but was a lot nicer to Kelly." replied Candice.

"Really?" Shawn asked thoughtfully. "You know what? Since Kelly became princess, Dave's jealous that he doesn't have the glory today. He knows that she's a part of the Anti-Dave alliance, and since she's one of the nicest girls here, Dave thinks that he can lure her into liking him!"

They looked surprised.

"You really think so?" asked Melina.

"Yeah! Kelly has ultimate power in this contest, and Dave's trying to get it from her so that he could be the top man around here." he explained.

"Ok, well since Kelly's a part of the alliance, we gotta help her out by stopping Dave. We can't let him convince her to join his side." replied Hunter.

"Hello all." Dave said, joining them.

"...Hello." they all said slowly.

"Great day today, isn't it?" he asked.

"Ok, what is wrong with you?" asked Candice. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Acting like what? I just think today's a beautiful day." he replied. "You guys need to calm down."

Then, a rafter from up high that carried Kelly (now wearing a pink princess dress with a tiara) carried her down, while she sang:

"_Do you still remember_

_How we used to be_

_Feeling together, believe in whatever_

_My love has said to me_

_Both of us were dreamers_

_Young love in the sun_

_Felt like my saviour, my spirit I gave ya_

_We'd only just begun_

_Hasta Manana,_

_Always be mine_

_Viva forever, I'll be waiting_

_Everlasting, like the sun_

_Live forever,_

_For the moment_

_Ever searching for the one."_

While she sang, everyone was shocked at how good she sang, and Dave's glasses almost fell off while he blushed.

"WOW." they all said in surprise.

"I can sing, too." Candice replied. _"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"_ she sang in a high note.

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"_ Kelly sang in an even higher note.

While they both sang, Dave's glasses shattered, a glass that Shawn was holding shattered...

"AW! My iced tea! Now I gotta steal another one from Jericho's fridge!" he exclaimed.

...and while Jericho was in a secret room playing with action figures, a window shattered, revealing him playing. They all turned to look at him.

"Having fun, Jericho?" asked Hunter.

"Uh, ok, none of you saw that." he replied.

"Hey, you guys!" Kelly greeted, finally reaching ground. "How-AAH!" she cried as Big Show carried her away. "I'll uh, see you later, I guess!"

Dave, still blushing, slapped himself in the face to snap himself out of it. "I-I need a cold shower." he said.

"No time for that, dude, because it's time for your second challenge!" he announced. "Princess Kelly's being taken up to a castle way up in the sky, and guarding the tower will be a HUGE, FIREBREATHING MECHANICAL DRAGON! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Isn't that awesome?"

"You're Tweedle Dumbest, dude." replied Shawn.

Everyone laughed in reply.

"WHATEVER!" he shouted. "Ok, here are the rules. Now since neither Candice nor Melina won the first contest, they're out of this one."

Melina pouted. "That's totally not fair!" she exclaimed angrily.

"If John were here, he'd punch out Jericho's lights just for saying that." Candice said sadly.

"So that leaves Dave, Shawn, and Hunter." he continued. "You three must defeat the dragon in some kind of battle. Use the swords, you know, cause they fit the theme...and maybe there'll be some pain and suffering, haha. Well, whatever, just do what you have to do. Whoever's the last one standing, and/or defeats the dragon, is the one who gets to rescue Kelly from the tower. Got it?"

"Shawn, I got another plan." said Hunter.

"Yeah?"

"We have to keep Dave from winning, so here's what happens. We let Dave defeat the dragon, but right there and then, we jump him. He'll be down, and one of us can save Kelly instead. What do you think?" he asked.

"I like it." agreed Shawn. "Dave's totally going down."

"Ok, my parasites, ready, set, LET'S DUEL, DUDES!" exclaimed Jericho.

"Found my twinkie!" Big Show exclaimed, joining him.

Then, Dave violently tried to take down the dragon, while Shawn and Hunter only made weak kicks and punches at it.

"Whoa, this thing's impossible to beat!" Hunter said sarcastically.

"Yeah, this thing's too much for us to handle." agreed Shawn. "Only a strong guy like Dave could do it and rescue Kelly at the same time."

Dave looked back and chuckled. "Guys, stop it. I know your plan."

"What?" Hunter said, surprised.

"You're not fighting the dragon because you both know I'd beat you at it. You don't have to act sarcastic for me. Just let me handle everything, all right?" he asked, then splashing a huge bucket of water all over the dragon, stopping it for good.

"Nice job, Dave. But you're not the one saving Kelly." replied Hunter.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded.

"This. Shawn, NOW!" he cried as they both jumped him at the same time, but Dave managed to escape just in time.

"So, you want to play it that way?" asked Hunter. "Fine. Then I challenge you to a duel!"

While he held out his sword, Dave held out his back. "Fine. Whatever, I'll still win. Always have, always will."

While both swords pointed towards Shawn, he meekly stepped back and said, "Ok, I'll leave this to you two before you try and kill me with those things. Good luck, Hunter."

Then, the guys swung towards each other, back and forth.

"You...can't stop me from...rescuing Kelly!" Dave said, trying to fight off Hunter.

"Why are you...so concerned about her today?" Hunter asked, trying to fight off Dave.

"Because...because I have feelings for her, ok?" he demanded.

Shocked, Hunter and everyone else gasped.

"HEH?" he demanded, dropping his sword.

"John said that he had feelings for me before we officially kissed." Candice said, distracted.

Then, Dave sped up the tower, accidentally knocked down the dragon, which fell on top of Shawn and Hunter...

"OW!" they cried.

"Ok, I don't know what's more shocking. The fact the Dave has a crush on Kelly, or that my foot's touching the back of my head." Shawn said, scared.

"I'd go with both." Hunter replied.

Meanwhile, Dave quickly reached Kelly at the top of the tower...

"Kelly! It's me." he told her.

"Dave? Why are you here?" she asked, glaring at him.

"HEY, PEOPLES!" Jericho called from a loudspeaker. "DAVE, NOW THAT YOU MADE IT UP THERE, YOU HAVE TO SWORD FIGHT KELLY IN ORDER TO GET INVINCIBILITY!"

"I won't do it!" he replied.

Everyone gasped in surprise.

"But, why?" asked Kelly.

"I don't want to sword fight you, ok? I don't care about the invincibility-well, I do, but I care about you even more." he replied.

She looked shocked. "...What?"

"I have a crush on you, ok? I can't hide anything anymore. So, why don't we just seal the deal with a little kiss? Jeff's not here, so he won't see." he replied.

Kelly just looked shocked, and then her cell rang. She looked at him and then said, "It's Jeff."

"Uh oh." Dave said, stunned.  
>"Hello? Hey, sweetie!...yeah...yeah...ok, I'll get him on the line. Dave, he wants to talk to you." she said, handing the phone to him.<p>

"Uh, hey, man." Dave said meekly.

"!&*%!&*%!^!%^!%!&^%!*^*%!&^!" Jeff yelled on the other line.

"Oh, so you ARE watching right now. Heh heh, you didn't happen to hear what I said, did you?" he asked.

"!%$!$!$!$!$!%$!^!$^!%^!%!" he yelled again.

"Oh, you did. Ok, how about a deal. You get her on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I get her on every other day, including the weekends?" he asked.

Then, as a reply, Jeff literally kicked Dave square in the face (through the phone!), knocking him out of the tower, and he headed straight for Candice.

"If John were here, he'd protect me right about now." she said, scared.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" he cried.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" she cried.

*CRASH!*

Dave quickly sprang up. "Thanks for breaking my fall, Candy." he said gratefully.

Then, everyone else crowded around her, while she was still on the ground.

"Candy, you need any band aids?" Melina asked.

"If John were here, he'd get me some band aids." she replied.

Everyone groaned.

"Yes or no?" asked Melina.

"Yes." Candice said weakly.

* * *

><p>Later...<p>

"Hey, my parasites! How's it going?" asked Jericho.

Now with many casts on her, Candice just sobbed.

"Sorry I asked. So, everyone, decide on who you want off of the show, and cast in your votes!" he announced.

Nobody was really sure on who to vote off, until...

"You guys know that John was right here next to me right before he was eliminated!" Candice exclaimed sadly.

Then, the rest of them all nodded and voted.

"Ok, I've got the results and here we go. Kelly, Melina, Hunter, and Dave, you're all safe!" he exclaimed, tossing awards to them.

"Hey, uh, Jericho? You forgot me?" Shawn asked nervously.

"No, I didn't. So, Candice and Shawn. One of you stays and one of you goes. The person leaving tonight is..."

Shawn looked scared, Candice was still sobbing, and everyone else looked nervous.

"Shawn." he finished.

Everyone gasped, and his eyes widened. "Huh?" he asked.

"PSYCH!" exclaimed Jericho.

Everyone looked at him.

"Shawn, I was playing with you. You're safe, Candy, you're outta here." Jericho replied. "And that's not psyching."

While Shawn fell out unconscious from shock, everyone else hugged Candice goodbye.

"Why'd you guys vote me off?" she asked.

"Just face it, Candy. You miss John, so we're bringing you back to him. It was the right thing to do." replied Melina.

"We're really sorry, Candy." added Kelly. "At least you made it this close in the game with us, and we'll miss you so much. And you have a great singing voice too, by the way."

She smiled. "Thanks, you guys. At least John'll heal my wounds. See you guys later!" she said, limping into the lambo.

"Bye, Candy-feel better!" they called while she left.

"Well, another one gone, another step closer to the finals." announced Dave. "Maybe you can join me, Kelly."

"I'm taken, don't you get it?" she demanded, storming off.

"And YOU!" exclaimed Shawn, who woke up.

"Yeah?"

"You voted for me, didn't you?" he demanded.

"Yeah, I did." he replied.

"Well, WHAT DID I DO ALL DAY?" he demanded angrily.

"I was still a little annoyed by the pancake obsession, so that's why." he replied. "You really need to calm down, man."

"Don't tell ME to calm down! Never diss the pancakes!" he cried.

"That is so true, dude." agreed Hunter. "Righteous. Hey, let's steal some more play doh from Jericho."

"Yay!" cheered Shawn.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Kelly: "I just don't know what to say right now. Dave can't be serious about what he told me earlier. Does he really have a crush on me? Is that why he eliminated Jeff? To have me to himself? I'd really hate to say this, but curse my good looks! Well, I know one thing. Jeff's gonna murder him."

Dave: "Ok, so I'm lucky I didn't go home today. I could've taken the invincibility, but I just couldn't. So, now I got two things standing in my way. This little alliance that has everyone pinned against me, and my feelings for Kelly. And a third thing, too. After today, Jeff's gonna murder me."

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>*cuts to cozy room*<p>

Jericho and Big Show were playing with some action figures.

"So, that's the long and complicated story of the Princess and the Dave." announced Jericho. "And as a special treat, we're selling these special limited edition TWA action figures for the low, low price of $69.99! That's right, you get an authentic figure of one of your favorites, and as an added bonus, we'll throw in a free coupon to Big Show's House of Twinkies! Tell em, dude."

"This coupon gives you 2% off anything on the $10.00 menu, including my patented Twinkie Burgers, the Tree Bark Dogs, and the newest edition, the Mystery Meat BLT sandwich! All the fun of mystery meat and BLT's all into one!" he exclaimed. "So, what are you waiting for? Order this incredible set for $69.99! Hey, I was playing with that one!"

"Well, TOO BAD!" Jericho exclaimed, holding up a Dave figure. "I get to be Dave, he's extra powerful!"

"Fine! I'll be DX and double team you! Take that!" Big Show exclaimed.

While the two played, Jericho looked to the camera and said, "Uh, don't you people have things to do? Can we play with our action figures in peace? Thank you and goodbye, masomorphs!"


	27. Episode 23

Total WWE Action!: Who Framed the Messiah of Sparkle?

Episode 23

"Hey, my masomorphs! The codebreaker, Chris Jericho here with one spooktastic episode of TWA coming right up! Last week, my royal highness arrived to announce the next contest, which was a fairy tale fest! Candice and Melina ruled out, so Kelly was crowned the princess of the day! Their first challenge was to try and get across a bridge, with the one and only Big Show playing the evil ogre. Candy and Melina worked together to try and outsmart him, but turns out that THEY were the ones who got owned, haha! Following their example, Shawn and Hunter both found a way to get across by a punch to the face, a speed dash across the field, and a big OWNED YA to the Big man. A distracted Dave was up last, and a mirage of Kelly sent him after Big Show, and eventually across the bridge next. DX wondered why the hell Dave was so concerned about Kelly, but he denied any accusations. Then, our beautiful princess enchanted everyone with a swan song, and Candy got a little jealous of her talent. Dave, well..he got all googly eyed. That led them into their second challenge, where princess Kelly was trapped in her tower, while a huge mechanical dragon trapped her! It was Dave, Hunter, and Shawn's job to either sword fight each other, or to slay the dragon in order to save the princess. Shawn and Hunter planned to let Dave do all the work, and then jump him afterwards, but Dave was one step ahead of them. After that, Hunter and Dave were at it in a sword fight for the win, when Dave revealed a bombshell-he has a thing for Kelly! Everyone was shocked, and that was Dave's cue to climb up and rescue the princess. He revealed his feelings for her, and while she was totally speechless, none other than Kelly's boyfriend Jeff called to stop the craziness! Dave tried a little reasoning, while Jeff didn't want to hear it. So, what happened? Well, Dave was kicked out of the tower, landed on Candice, and Candice complained about not seeing Cena some more. At the elimination ceremony, it was Candy who was eliminated next since she wanted to see her John so much, leaving a lovesick Dave with an annoyed Kelly. This week, what will the Anti-Dave alliance plan next? And what's gonna happen now that Dave has a thing for Kelly? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was another morning at the set of TWA, while everyone had breakfast...<p>

"Ah, another day, another bowl of crap." Hunter sighed. "What the hell is this stuff?"

"Looks like...aw, is this that crap from the compost heap again?" demanded Shawn. "Forget it. Anyone want bananas on a stick?"

Melina giggled. "Sure! So, what's the stick for?" she asked.

"Sticks are fun!" he exclaimed.

"So, you guys. We made it to the final five!" exclaimed Kelly. "Isn't this so exciting?"

"Haha, totally!" agreed Melina. "I've never made it this close in the game before, and now my drive to win's even more intense!"

"You know, I don't think any of us has ever made it to the top 5, have we?" asked Hunter.

"I have, remember?" asked Shawn. "Yep, lucky lucky me was fortunate enough to make it to the final 4 last year. And now I'm onto a second run to the top."

Hunter stuck the banana in his mouth. "Nobody likes a bragger, dude. Eat your banana on a stick." he replied.

"And where's almighty Dave?" asked Melina. "I haven't seen him all morning."

"Probably off getting some fancy massage or something." replied Hunter. "How long will it take us to vote him off?"

"Sooner than later, I hope." replied Kelly. "Guys, did he really mean what he said last time about having a crush on me? I just can't believe it."

"You know what I think?" asked Melina. "He's probably being all nice to you so that he can persuade you to join his side!"

"What? I'd never follow him!" she exclaimed.

"Good. He's trying to get into your head since you're the nicest one here." she continued.

"Ok, I know I'm nice, but I don't give in to EVERYTHING, do I?" she asked.

"You let me wear your favorite outfit." replied Melina.

"You gave me $150 bucks so I could buy everything in the vending machine." replied Shawn.

"You let me keep your $200 bottle of perfume." replied Hunter.

Everyone stared at him.

"Not for me! I used it to douse Jericho's office with it as a prank!" he exclaimed.

"You used my $200 perfume for that?" she demanded. "Is there any left?"

"Uh, I kinda used all of it. Sorry, Kel." Hunter replied, handing the empty bottle back to her.

She sighed. "Maybe I am too nice sometimes." she replied.

Then, a tray slid next to hers.

She looked to see Dave sitting next to her. "Hey, what's crackin?" he asked her.

"Oh, how nice of you to join us." Shawn said dully. "Come to rub in the fact that you've got yourself a nice little breakfast while we're stuck here with crap?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot something." Dave said, adding some pancakes.

Shawn was mesmerized. "P-Pancakes. Uh, can I have one?" he asked.

"Hahaha, no." he laughed.

"Please. Just one. I'll do anything you want, please just let me-" he exclaimed, reaching over the table.

"Shawn, Shawn!" Hunter exclaimed, holding him back. "Control yourself, dude!"

"Just let me have a taste." he pleaded.

"Stick to what you have, ok? This is all mine." he replied. "So, how's it going, Kel?"

"Hmph!" she exclaimed, turning around.

"Ok, how's about a deal. I don't do this for anyone, just for you. You can have some of my 5 star gourmet cooked breakfast. What do you say?" he asked.

She looked at his tray, and then looked at her suffering friends.

"No. I won't cross over to your side of delicious treats! I'd rather have banana on a stick with my friends." she said seriously.

"So, HA!" Hunter added.

"Kel, don't stoop down to their level. Join the great life with me!" he exclaimed.

"No, all right?" she demanded. "You're on your own here, and I'm sticking with the alliance."

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Kelly: "Ok, first he gets my boyfriend off the show, then he tries to get with me, and NOW he's turning me against the alliance? I will not, I repeat, WILL NOT change my mind about him!"

Dave: "She'll change her mind."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Then, Hunter was poking around in the mushy breakfast to find a chip inside.<p>

"Hey, look, a...thing!" he exclaimed.

"What is it?" asked Shawn.

"Looks like some kind of computer chip!" exclaimed Melina. "What's that doing in there?"

"Here, put it in my daily planner." said Dave.

After she did, Jericho came on the screen.

"Aw, I don't want HIM on my screen." Dave complained.

"Hello, parasites! If you're watching this, then it's time for a challenge, ain't it? Ok, listen up. You guys are gonna have to crack a safe, but I'm not telling you how to, you guys have to do it yourselves. All righty, so in order to break in, here's your clue. 'You weren't born yesterday, so you can't be that dumb enough not to know how to open a safe. If for some reason you are, then maybe Sledgie can tell you what to do.' "

Hunter was getting angry. "What the hell does he want with my-" he began, before Dave covered his mouth.

"Ok, can I finish, dude? Now, where was I? Oh yeah. 'And if that doesn't work, then a little metal to metal contact should do the job. If that doesn't work, you're screwed.' Ok, those are your clues, and good luck opening the safe. I know that you can't accomplish this, so I feel bad for all of you. Hahahahahaha!" he laughed while Dave cut off the machine.

"Ok, I did not understand a word he said." announced Melina.

"I did. Let's move, you guys!" Dave said, leading the way.

"What about the bananas on a stick?" asked Shawn, following them.

A few minutes later, they all arrived to the same vault that they had to use for the bank heist challenge...

"Well, genius, what's your plan?" asked Hunter.

"Ok, the first clue said that we weren't born yesterday. Born means birthdays, and birthdays mean that we have to try and use all our birthdays as combinations." he explained.

"He's good." he said, surprised.

"Let's try Kelly's combo first." Dave continued.

She sighed. "Why mine?" she asked, annoyed.

"Cause." he said with a half smile.

"Ok, 1-15-87." she replied.

"30-22-32." Dave muttered.

"I didn't say that!" she exclaimed. "Those are my measurements!"

"I know." he said with a smile.

"Ok, that's it." Hunter interrupted. "We use my combo. 7-27-69."

"Fine." he replied. "Damn, it doesn't work. Ok, maybe this combo thing's gonna take a lot of time. What was the next clue?"  
>"Uh, I think it had something to do with Sledgie, but I don't think Hunter's gonna let you use her." Shawn replied.<p>

Dave causally picked up a random Sledgie. "Why not?" he asked.

Hunter was turning red. "How the hell did you get her?" he demanded. "Nobody touches my Sledgie!"

"Nobody." agreed Shawn. "You better do the right thing and hand her back."

"We need it for the challenge and I'm using it to break in." Dave replied calmly. "Now hold on while I bash this thing in."

While he tried to break into the safe, Hunter cried, "I'll bash something of yours in! And Sledgie's not an IT, she's a SHE, get your facts straight!"

"Hunter, calm down, all right?" asked Melina. "Just let him break this thing open and we'll all move on with our lives, ok?"

"Uhh." he growled, still glaring at him.

After a few more strikes, he managed to break the door open! "Voila. Let's go." he announced, tossing Sledgie back to Hunter.

"Hey, be ginger with her! She has feelings, you know!" he cried back. "The evil man didn't hurt you, did he, Sledgie?"

"Dude!" exclaimed Shawn. "Really?"

"Hey, don't say anything about me, I saw you tucking Sledgie in for bed the other night!" he exclaimed.

"Ok, that was none of your business! What, Sledgie can't have her bedtime story read by Uncle Shawn?" he asked.

Inside the safe, everyone else stared at them.

"Sorry." he replied.

"Uh...go on." Hunter added.

"...Ok." announced Jericho, who was inside. "About time you hypocrites made it here."

Then, Dave quickly grabbed Jericho by the collar. "We finally made it here, now where's the prize?" he demanded.

"You know, it's very rude to just grab someone by-" he began.

"WHERE'S THE PRIZE?" he shouted.

Then, he shoved a bag of cookies in his mouth. "Thin Mints, enjoy them." he said, glaring at him. "Ok, now the rest of you, here's the delio. For today, you all need to collect DNA samples from one other person. You have until 7:00 tonight to collect your samples and them bring them back to me by the old train station. Got it?"

"Train station? What train-" began Hunter.

"Good, now GET MOVING!" Jericho interrupted.

"It's very rude to interrupt someone while they're saying something!" exclaimed Shawn.

"Don't worry. I think Sledgie can teach him how not to be rude." Hunter said with a smile.

Later that day...

"So, dude, how's it gonna feel not to win for once?" Hunter asked Dave.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"I mean, that I'll totally win this thing first. If I want someone's DNA, I could just snatch off one of their hairs. Only...you barely have any." he said slowly.

"There are tons of ways to gather DNA. Like you would know any of em." he replied slyly.

"I do so!" he exclaimed. "There's, uh...the thing with, uh...well, I'll still beat you!"

"Hunter, listen. You seem a little tense and angry. Wouldn't you like a nice spa treatment? I can arrange for an appointment for you." he told him.

He brightened up. "You know, I do feel a little stressed out. You're really gonna give me a spa treatment?" he asked.

"Only for you, buddy. Only for you." he replied with an evil smile.

Meanwhile...

Shawn casually walked out of the guys' trailer, and didn't see the ditch in front of him.

"Nobody'll bother you anymore, Sledgie." he called back. "Now, where can I get-WHOA!" he cried, almost falling in. "Uh, and why is there a gaping ditch in front of our trailer?"

Then, he walked to the back of the trailers, to find Melina carrying a shovel.

"Oh! Uh, h-hi, Shawn. I didn't know I'd find you here." she said with a nervous giggle.

"Uh...huh. Did you by any chance dig the huge gaping hole in front of our trailer?" he asked.

"So what if I did?" she asked meekly.

"Nice try, Mel, but there's no way you're getting anything from me." he said casually.

"I guess that explains the hair thing." she replied.

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" he demanded, holding onto his hat.

"Relax, Shawn! I was just playing with you. Listen, I'll just be on my way and-COME ON, GIVE ME SOMETHING!" she exclaimed, trying to attack him.

"MEL, FOR THE LAST TIME, I SAID NO!" Shawn cried back, trying to escape.

"WHOA!" they cried, her tackling him to the ground.

Then, a lipstick container fell in front of him. "Hey..." Shawn said, picking it up.

"Wait, wait, that's mine. Shawn!" she cried.

"Looks like you've used this before. Thanks, Mel, I owe you one!" he exclaimed, walking away.

"Shawn, that's MINE! Get back here!" she cried. "Fine, we'll meet again!"

Meanwhile, a masseuse was massaging Hunter, while Dave stood nearby. "See? Aren't your nerves calmed now?" he asked.

"Hell to the yeah!" he exclaimed. "Maybe I thought wrong about you, dude. You're all right."

"Good." Dave replied, then chopping him hard on the back.

"OW!" Hunter cried, spitting his gum out.

Dave put the gum in a bag and said, "Thanks, Hunter!"

Hunter watched him walk off and then growled. "You're finished, dude." he said threateningly.

Later, Dave stepped into his personal shower, while Hunter secretly followed him. "Revenge is a two way street, dude." he muttered.

Then, he hid while Dave came back out, and after he left, Hunter looked for any footprints. "Haha, Dave, I thought you were a genius." he said with an evil smile, about to collect the footprint. Before he did, Dave came back and mopped it away.

"HEY!" Hunter cried, glaring at him.

"I am a genius. Nice try, though." he said, walking away again.

"DAMN IT!" Hunter cried furiously.

"Uh, Hunter?" Kelly asked, approaching him.

"Hmm?" he asked, his head still down.

"Can I have a strand of your hair?" she asked.

He said nothing, and gave her a piece of his hair.

"Yay!" she exclaimed. "Thank you!"

He immediately looked up. "I did not just do that." he said, stunned.

Meanwhile...

Shawn walked past the confessional while Melina was trying to get her lipstick back.

"You snooze, you lose, Mel!" he called back to her.

"Give it back, that cost me money! Shawn!" she cried, frustrated. "Ok, talking will calm me down."

When she walked into the confessional, she bumped into Kelly.

"Uh, hey, Mel." she greeted.

"Hey, Kel." she replied. "Haha, yeah, Mel and Kel. It rhymes, you know."

They just looked at each other.

"GIVE ME SOMETHING!" Melina cried, tackling her to the ground.

"AAH!" cried Kelly.

A few seconds later, Melina got up and realized that she got a strand of Kelly's hair.

"YAY! Yay, I got something!" she exclaimed happily, while Kelly stood there, shocked.

Then, Melina hugged her, fixed up her hair and said, "I'm sorry...YAY!" she exclaimed.

Meanwhile...

"Well, I haven't gotten caught yet." Shawn said happily. "What a great day!"

"Hey, did you say you haven't gotten caught yet?" asked Dave, coming from out of nowhere.

Shawn slowly turned around. "Uh oh." he replied.

"Mind giving me some DNA?" he asked, taking out a HUGE needle. "A blood sample will do."

He looked terrified. "Where'd you get that?" he asked.

"My lawyers, of course." he replied. "Now, just stay still and give me a tiny blood sample."

"You're not coming near ME with that thing!" he exclaimed.

"Michaels, stay still!" he exclaimed.

"YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!" he cried, speeding away...right into a door.

*BONK!*

Dave just looked at him with a half smile.

Shawn held out his arm. "Make it quick." he said, defeated.

Later, they found the train station and handed their things to Jericho...

"All right, you parasites finally made it!" he exclaimed. "So, where's your stuff?"

Everyone handed him their things, and Dave immediately took Kelly's hair strand. "Uh, can I keep this?" he asked.

"Dude." Jericho said, stunned.

"Why do you want my hair?" Kelly asked nervously.

"Cause it's a part of you and it's so silky smooth." he said blankly.

Everyone looked at him, while Kelly hid behind Melina.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Melina: "I really feel for Kelly now. Seems like Dave's really going all the way in this plan to turn her away from us. But keeping her hair? The guy's LOCO!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Jericho, I got two samples, so I deserve another reward. And make it a good one." Dave demanded.<p>

This time, he shoved another bag of cookies in his mouth. "Tagalongs. Enjoy." he replied.

"Jericho, what are you doing with Girl Scout cookies anyway?" Shawn asked, while everyone laughed.

"They're the tastiest things this side of the USA!" he exclaimed. "So, Hunter. Where's your sample?"

He glared at Dave. "Don't ask." he said dully.

"All righty then. Well, the reason we're here is just to take a peaceful little ride downtown. ALL ABOARD, my masomorphs!" he exclaimed.

"Jericho. That word is scaring the holy sugar outta me!" exclaimed Shawn. "What the heck is a masa-muso-WHATEVER?"

"Haha, like I always say: the less you know, the better." Jericho said with a smirk.

On the train...

"So, where downtown are we going?" asked Melina.

"I was feeling nice today, so I thought I'd take the 6 of us somewhere fun!" he exclaimed with an evil smile.

"What fun, the swap meet?" asked Hunter.

"HEY! The swap meet is a very enjoyable place! There's-" he began.

Then, the lights suddenly blew out.

"AAAHHH!" cried the girls.

"Hey, hey, wait, you can't kill me, Chris Jericho!" he cried.

*BOOM!*

Then, the lights flickered on to see him on the ground in an awkward position.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" everyone screamed in shock.

"Dude!" cried Hunter. "Is he...dead? Why does he look like a twisted chicken?"

Shawn took his hat off. "He never got to tell me what a masomorph was." he said sadly.

"W-What do we do?" asked Kelly. "We're all alone on some strange train going who knows where!"

"And the worst part of it is...we're not going to the swap meet!" Melina said, crying.

"WAAAAAAAAAAA!" the girls both cried.

"Ok, ok, HOLD IT!" cried Dave.

Everyone shut up.

"No time to panic. Someone give him CPR." he commanded.

"I ain't touching his corpse." Hunter said, backing away.

"I'll do it." Kelly said, bending down.

Then, she saw that Dave was smiling and checking her out.

"Melina, you do it!" she cried angrily, glaring at him.

"Oh, do I have to?" she asked, scared.

Then, she tried giving him CPR, but nothing worked.

"Guys, nothing's working!" she exclaimed.

"We're screwed!" exclaimed Kelly. "There's only one thing to do."

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Melina and Kelly both screamed in terror.

"You know, this reminds me of the time back in 03 when-" Shawn began over all the noise.

"EVERYBODY BE QUIET!" Dave shouted. "Shawn, go out there and climb to the top of this thing. I don't think this train's real at all, it's just a decoy like everything else Jericho builds."

"Why do I have to-" he began.

"GO!" he exclaimed, practically shoving him out.

Shawn climbed to the roof of the train and immediately held on tight. "WHOA! Uh, this thing is far from fake, ok?" he called inside.

While he was still out, the lights flickered off again, and when they came back on, the body was gone.

"Uh, guys? The dead Jericho corpse ran away from us." Hunter announced.

"Where'd it go?" asked Melina.

"Hmm." Dave said suspiciously. "What's this?" he asked, picking up a strand of hair.

"Hey, what's going on?" Shawn asked, hopping back inside. "Where'd Jericho go?"

"This hair strand looks like it came from you, Shawn." Dave said suspiciously.

"Wha?"

"Dude, why would you want Jericho's corpse?" Hunter asked, shocked. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"What are you all talking about?" he demanded.

"We found the perpetrator. Cuff him, girls!" exclaimed Dave.

While Kelly and Melina handcuffed him to one of the table legs, he exclaimed. "Hey, I'm a good Christian man, what would I want with Jericho?"

"Ok, now that we caught him, I'm getting outta here before we get killed." announced Dave. "Kelly, I will spare you, too. Help me outta here."

"Let me go!" she cried, annoyed.

"Mel, we gotta figure out what's really going on here. I don't think Shawn did anything." replied Hunter.

"Well, what other evidence is there?" she asked.

Then, a mouse squeaked by her foot.

"AAAAAAHHH!" she shrieked. "Move it guys, I'm getting the hell up outta here!"

"WHAT ABOUT ME?" asked Shawn, who was struggling to escape.

While everyone was trying to escape the train, Hunter looked down and saw a mini paintball gun with crumbs over it. "Hello. Uh, guys? GUYS!" he cried.

Everyone turned back to him.

"Ok, first of all, why would you all try and escape a moving train? And second of all, how could Shawn steal Jericho, when I find this paintball gun with crumbs all over it?" he asked.

They were still silent.

"Or should I mention, COOKIE crumbs?" he continued.

Dave quickly looked around and wiped his hands off.

"So, here's the thing. Who was the only one here who even had cookies today?" he asked.

"Dave!" they exclaimed, glaring at him.

"As you can see, Dave obviously had this thing on him. After the lights turned off for the first time, there was red paint stained on Jericho, and what kind of paint is in here? *shoots towards wall* Of course, red." he continued.

Everyone shot another look at Dave, while he looked shocked. "WHAT?"

"All day today, Davey here's been complaining to Jericho about giving him a decent reward, but he hasn't gotten anything. So in his retaliation, he decides to murder Jericho, gets rid of the body, and frames Shawn for it instead because we all know that Shawn and Jericho are always at each other's throats. Need I say any more? Ladies and gentlemen, your REAL culprit, Dave Batista!" Hunter finished.

"Bravo, Hunter!" Shawn exclaimed, while the girls helped to uncuff him. "It is great to be a free man!"

While they handcuffed Dave instead, he protested, "What the-I didn't do anything! How can you believe him over me?"

Then, Jericho (who was really alive) joined them. "HEYA!" he greeted.

They gasped.

"Jericho!" exclaimed Melina. "You're alive!"

"What-what was-we thought you were-" began Kelly.

"Yeah, yeah, my awesome self is alive and kicking. And I'd call that the comeback of the year, because Hunter, you've won!" he exclaimed.

"No way, really?" he asked, excited.

"WHAT?" demanded Dave.

"Yep. This third challenge was a whole mystery game to see who really killed fake me, and you were the only one who pieced it all together." he replied.

"Awesome! What do I win?" he asked.

"You get to see a zombie/sports/thriller movie, starring yours truly and Mel Gibson." he replied, while the train stopped back at the set.

"You were in a movie with Mel Gibson?" asked Melina, while they all stepped out of the train.

"Either him, or this busboy I hired at this hotel I went to once. Anyway, you want it or what?" he asked.

"Hells yeah!" he exclaimed.

"Ok, then choose someone to take with you." he replied.

The others got excited.

Shawn and Melina looked at Dave, and then at Kelly.

Hunter caught the message and said, "Kelly, come on down!" he exclaimed.

"Awesome!" she exclaimed. "Thanks, Hunter!"

"Hunter, you did this on purpose!" Dave shouted.

He opened the limo door for Kelly, and then stepped in next. "And Dave? This time, you can't do a damn thing to stop me." he replied. "Chives? Let's roll."

While the limo drove away, Shawn and Melina waved to them while Dave called, "You better not do anything with her, or else-"

"Dude, he's already married, and she has a boyfriend. They're not gonna do anything." Shawn told him.

"I don't trust him with her, all right?" he demanded, his eyes almost bugging out.

"Whoa. Ok, let's let him cool off. So, how about some banana sticks?" asked Melina.

"YUM!" exclaimed Shawn. "Nothing wrong with some late night bananas, right?"

"HEY! Those are MY bananas!" cried Jericho.

"Can someone at least uncuff me?" Dave demanded, chasing after them.


	28. Episode 24

Total WWE Action!: Hollywood Rock City

Episode 24

"What's good, my hypocrites? The Madonna of Sports Entertainment here, Chris Jericho with an awesome episode of TWA coming up next! Last week, their first challenge was to use my given clues in order to open a safe. After trying out their birthday combos, and uh, Kelly's measurements, there was no luck, but after Dave had Hunter's beloved Sledgie in possession, Hunter was furious! Either way, Sledgie was just the thing that the gang needed in order to break open the safe and find...ME! After I shut Dave up with some thin mints, I revealed the next challenge, which was for everyone to collect a DNA sample from one other person. Dave offered Hunter a spa treatment, but Dave was totally quick to trick Hunter into getting his sample first, and the Game wasn't too happy about that! Meanwhile, Shawn and Melina were in a brawl over who got who's samples, but when Melina's lipstick fell into Shawn's hands, there was no stopping him. Next, Hunter tried to gather evidence from Dave, but after Dave outsmarted him yet again, a frustrated Game was on the verge of giving up. Kelly easily got a sample after asking a vulnerable Hunter, and she got sampled after Melina attacked her in the confessionals! Shawn and Dave were the only ones left, so who ended up getting sampled? I'm sure you all know the answer to that. After all the samples were collected, the gang was headed on a train downtown to nowheresville. One second I was there, the next..BAM! Everyone was freaking out, while Dave blamed Shawn for the entire incident. Ready to prove his DX compadre was innocent, Hunter got down all the clues and revealed that the perpetrator was in fact, Dave Batista himself. As a reward for winning the challenge, Hunter had the privilege of seeing a movie (starring me and Mel Gibson) with a friend. With careful consideration among the Anti-Dave alliance, Hunter chose Dave's crush Kelly to join him in order to make him jealous! This week, will Dave go on a rampage against Hunter and the rest of the Anti-Dave alliance after what conspired last week? Someone returns to the competition, but who will it be? And who's getting the boot tonight? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was an ordinary day on the set of TWA...<p>

Everyone was hanging outside while Dave joined them.

"So then, the zombie dude and Jericho were fighting with these frozen steaks, right, and then-" Hunter told everyone, while he and everyone else saw Dave breathing heavily at them.

"..Uh, do you mind not breathing on me?" Hunter asked, turning around.

"Cut the crap, Hunter. I know why you picked Kelly to go to that movie with you." he replied.

"Yeah, because I'm fun to hang out with, and she doesn't want to be creeped out by you hovering over her." he replied.

"Not that! You only took her in order to make me jealous, right? Well, news flash...it worked. Kelly, he didn't try anything with you, did he? Because if he did, I swear-" Dave began frantically.

"Will you calm down?" she asked. "Nothing happened, all we did was watch a movie. A crappy one, by the way."

"You know what? You three planned all this, didn't you?" he asked Hunter, Shawn, and Melina. "You chose Kelly on purpose to tick me off. Am I right?"

"So what if we did?" asked Melina. "It's better than her being here with you."

"Yeah, really. What happens in the alliance stays in the alliance." agreed Shawn. "We still don't know why you suddenly have this crazy obsession with her, but it doesn't matter anymore. You've officially gone psycho, and we're protecting her for her own good. So, ha ha ha."

"Ok, ok." Dave replied. "So that's how it's gonna be for now on? You three pitted against me and leaving poor Kelly in the middle of everything? Fine, but in the end, my dominance in this game's definitely gonna bring her to my side. This war's just starting."

Meanwhile, the other four weren't listening.

"Oh, sorry dude, we were watching that squirrel fight over there, but for some reason there was some annoying buzzing sound somewhere in the air." Hunter replied with a smirk.

"UGGH!" he cried, storming into the guys' trailer.

"Well, we'll never hear the end of him, won't we?" asked Melina.

Kelly sighed. "I just wish he wasn't on my case 24/7. Can't he just accept the fact that I don't love him?" she asked.

"Hmm. Maybe if there were more of us here, the alliance would get bigger and Dave'll finally go down." replied Shawn.

"Alliance?" asked a voice.

Everyone whipped around to find Mickie joining them!

"What alliance?" she asked with a smile.

"Mickie!" they exclaimed, greeting her.

"Hey, nice of you to join us!" exclaimed Hunter, giving her a hug.

"Isn't this a nice surprise!" Shawn exclaimed, hugging her next.

"I missed you so much, Mickie!" Kelly exclaimed, hugging her next.

"Haha, girl, what brings you back here?" Melina asked, giving her a hug.

"Nice to see you guys, too!" she exclaimed. "Actually, it's a long story, see-"

Before she could finish, Jericho (dressed as an 80's rock star), and Big Show (dressed alike), arrived with a set of drums.

Everyone just stared at them, stunned.

Jericho was silent for a moment, but then cried out, "1, 2, 3, 4!"

Big Show started ramdomly playing the drums while Jericho fell to his knees and played air guitar.

"Duhduhduhduhduhduhduhduhduh WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" he strummed. "SHAMWOW!"

When he finished, everyone continued staring at him.

"Well, that sucked." replied Hunter.

Jericho glared at him.

"Yeah, who told you to play, Old Jovi?" asked Shawn.

While everyone laughed, he replied, "All right, SHUT UP!"

Everyone continued laughing.

"I said, SHUT UP!"

They kept laughing.

"SHUT YOUR PIE HOLES!" Big Show shouted through his megaphone.

Everyone shut up.

"Good. So anyways, I bet you're all wondering why one of our competitors is returning." he said.

Then, Dave angrily bursted out of the trailer. "Someone's returning?" he asked through clenched teeth. "Right when we're in dead heat of the competition?"

"Yeah, is that a problem?" Mickie demanded.

"See, with consideration among producers and fans, they all agreed that Mickie's elimination was totally unfair, and we have Big Show to thank for starting all of it." Jericho explained.

"Hey, you promised you'd keep our alliance a secret, but you decided to rat us out!" he exclaimed to her.

"Listen, I don't cheat to win, all right? Especially if someone innocent gets sent home because of me. I knew I did the right thing the other night." she replied.

"Ownage, Big Show." Hunter told him.

"Ok, so anyways, Mickie's back because she deserves another chance at the million bucks, and it keeps the game running longer." replied Jericho.

"No, I say things were fine before she came back!" exclaimed Dave. "I oughta sue-"

"Dave, shut up!" Kelly snapped at him.

"Yes, ma'am." he said quickly.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Mickie: "Ok, forget what Jericho said, he actually brought me back because he missed me! What kind of reason is that, I tell ya? Well, whatever, I don't care what the reason is, I'm just glad I'm back, baby!"

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>"Ok, now that that's cleared up, let's get ready for your long exhausting, glam filled day as rock stars!" he exclaimed.<p>

Everyone got excited.

"Rock stars? Does that mean I'll finally get my own dressing room with the shiny star on the door?" Shawn exclaimed excitedly.

"Haha, NO!" Jericho laughed.

"One day, Jericho, one day." Shawn replied darkly.

"Ok, so the life of a rock star is one crazy one. There's those late nights, hangover filled mornings, wear and tear on the road, certain addictions..." he muttered.

"DUDE!" cried Hunter.

"Anyway, it can be a struggle. But it can also lead you one step closer to the million bucks! So, here's your first challenge of the day!" he exclaimed, revealing a set up game of Guitar Hero.

"Ooh!" everyone exclaimed.

"Yeah, ooh. Ok, this is an electric guitar playing competition. All you gotta do is match the colored notes on the screen with the colors on your guitar. Easy, right?" he asked.

"Hells yeah!" exclaimed Hunter. "Let me go first! Now, Dave, watch and learn from the best, ok? Don't be too intimidated."

While he started playing along with the screen, he hit a wrong note and the guitar shocked him!

He looked crispy. "...OW!" he cried. "What the hell was that for?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys. If you screw up the song, well, that'll happen. Sorry." he said with a smile.

"No, you're not." replied Hunter.

"Yeah, I'm not. NEXT!" he exclaimed.

After that, Kelly, Mickie, and Melina all went next, and all ended up getting shocked. After that...

"Well, just goes to show that I'm the only true rock star here." Jericho said proudly. "You know, with my band? Fozzy?"

"Yeah, we don't really care." Shawn replied.

"Ok, smart mouth. You go and fail next." he said, glaring at him.

Then, while the song started playing, Shawn matched up each note like a pro, surprising everyone else. And he was playing so fast, the guitar caught on fire!

"Awesome, Shawn!" exclaimed Mickie.

When he finished, he quickly slid to the ground and cried, "FIRE!", while destroying the guitar at the same time.

After that, a stunned Jericho said, "Do you know how much I pay for these devices? And you just set them on fire like that! I oughta-"

"Jericho, you're just jealous because I could possibly be a better rock star than you could ever be." Shawn replied. "Goes for you too, Dave."

He got furious. "No way. I'm the only true competitor around here. Give me another guitar." he demanded.

Before he started playing, he looked back and said, "This one's for you, Kelly."

She angrily just shook her head and stepped back.

Then, he began playing the notes like a pro, too, and even began doing tricks such as playing the guitar behind his back, spinning the guitar around while playing, and even playing guitar with his feet! After that...

"OK, DONE!" he cried.

"Uh, ok." Jericho replied while everyone looked at him. "Well, due to Dave trying WAY too hard to win, Shawn wins the first challenge!"

"WHAT?" demanded Dave. "Trying too hard? What the hell kind of a reason is that? I played the whole damned song without a problem, and HE wins because I tried too hard?"

"Dude, he made a guitar catch on fire. Only a true genius could do that." Hunter replied.

"Well then. I won, and Almighty Dave lost. What do you gotta say about that?" Shawn asked with a smile.

Then, Dave angrily bonked the guitar over his head.

"...Good night, baby piggy..." Shawn said, delusional, falling unconscious.

Later...

Jericho led the gang to this darkened alley.

"Shawn, you ok from earlier?" asked Hunter.

He held an ice pack over his head. "Aside from the throbbing pain, I'll survive." he said dully. "Thanks for being a sore loser, Dave!"

"Hey, you, I, and everybody else here knew that I really had that contest! So enjoy your win, Michaels. It's the only one you'll ever get in this game." he said darkly. "With all my success, you'll all wish you were me. Mickie, you'll wish you never decided to come back to the competition, and Kelly, if we brainwash all their nonsense out of your pretty little mind, you'll find out that you like me just as much as I like you."

Meanwhile, everyone angrily glared at him.

"What the hell is his problem?" demanded Mickie. "Since when did he turn into this control freak?"

"Ever since he admitted that he has a crush on me." she replied.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Kelly: "I'm getting sick and tired of him obsessing over me, and most of all, I'm sick of him always bagging on everyone else! There's 5 of us now and just 1 of him, but why does he always end up winning?"

Dave: "I heard that, Kelly. It's just because I'm special." Kelly: _"__STOP LISTENING IN ON ME!"_

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, the gang arrived to this set with a huge crowd of people with cameras demanded autographs.<p>

"Oh, this looks fun." Hunter said dully. "How'd you get all these people, Jericho? Are they your friends from the swap meet?"

Melina laughed. "No, Hunter, remember, Jericho doesn't have any other friends than Big Show." she replied.

"Oh yeah! How could I forget all your intimate little man-dates that you guys share every night?" he asked with a smirk.

"DUDE!" cried Jericho. "What do you think we do?"

"I don't know, you tell me." Hunter replied.

"Just a little game of Old Maid every night, jeez! Ok, so anyways, here's your second challenge. While the life of a rock star is hectic, there's just no escaping the paparazzi that watches you every minute of every day. Your job is to find a way to get through the flashing lights and the screaming groupies, got it?" he asked.

"We won't get mugged, will we?" asked Shawn.

"Don't know. There might be a few criminals in there, so just watch out. Who's first?" he asked.

"Me." announced Dave. "I'm redeeming myself from the disaster that happened earlier."

While he walked off, Shawn and Hunter made silly faces at him.

When he reached the red carpet, paparazzi cameras and fans were desperately trying to get his attention.

"Dave-Hey over here-Dave!" they all cried.

"Get-GET OUTTA MY WAY!" he shouted, running over random people.

"Dave, one second, why do you feel that you should try and steal another man's girl?" asked a reporter.

"Why do I feel-FEEL THIS!" Dave exclaimed, giving him the finger!

"Well, I never!" the guy exclaimed.

After Dave disappeared, Melina stepped up next.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Melina: "Now this is my time to shine. These people love me! I'm Melina, the A-List Diva, after all."

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>Back on the carpet...<p>

"Melina! Over here! I love you!" people exclaimed.

"Hello, people! I love you, too!" she exclaimed.

She smiled and waved to everyone, but when a flash from a camera temporarily blinded her, she lost her balance, stumbled towards the crowd, and knocked down an old lady!

"AAAAAHHHHH!" they both cried.

"Oops! Sorry, ma'am." she said, blushing.

"Just like what happened in '45!" the old lady exclaimed.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Melina: "And I've learned a very valuable lesson. If a camera blinds you, be sure never to spear an old lady to the ground."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Back on the carpet...<p>

Hunter stepped up next, while paparazzi and fans were frantically trying to catch his attention.

"Hey, everyone. Bow down to me, the King of Kings!" he exclaimed. "Yeah, I see you! Hey, what's up?" he greeted to everyone.

"Hey, hey, dude, I learned how to do that cool spit take you do before you enter the ring!" exclaimed a fan guy. "Wanna see? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

"Ok, let's see what you got." he replied.

The guy took a large sip of water, but instead of facing up, he accidentally spit all the water on him.

Shocked, Hunter glared at him. "What the hell was that?" he demanded.

"Uh, oops. Hey, is that a UFO?" the guy asked, speeding away.

"Hey, don't you run from me, get the hell back here!" Hunter exclaimed, storming through the crowd, chasing him.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Hunter: "Hey, I appreciate that the guy was a fan, but he's lucky I didn't wring his scrawny little pencil neck!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Back on the carpet...<p>

Mickie stepped up next, while everyone called for her.

"Mickie! Over here! Marry me!" called random people.

"Hey, everyone! Nice to meet you!" she exclaimed.

Then, Dave peeked out from the crowd and called, "Hey, dead lizard around the corner!"

She gasped in shock. "Oh no! That poor little lizard needs me! People, please, I-I gotta save a dead lizard! Excuse me!" she cried, trying to get through, only everyone was surrounding her. "MOVE OUTTA THE DAMN WAY, THERE'S A DEAD LIZARD I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF!" she screamed.

Everyone got silent and made a path for her.

"Thank you!" she said sweetly.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Mickie: "What can I say? I'm an animal lover! Even if it includes running over a bunch of my fans to tend to a dead lizard!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Back on the carpet...<p>

Shawn was up next, while everyone, mostly the girls were going crazy.

"Shawn, over here! I love you! I want an autograph!" random people cried.

"Hey, everyone, I appreciate the love, but there's only one of me and a bunch of you. It'll take a little time for me to say hello to-HEY! UNHAND ME! THEY'RE DRAGGING ME IN!" he cried as everyone pulled him inside the crowd.

"WHOOOO!" everyone cheered.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Shawn: "Whoo. Well, it's official. The ol blue eyed charm still works after all this time. Eat your heart out, Dave, you don't got the charm like I do!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Back on the carpet...<p>

Finally, Kelly was up next, while everyone, mostly the guys were going crazy.

"Kelly! Over here! Can I be your husband?" random people cried out.

"Hi, everyone! Haha, sorry, I'm taken!" she called back.

"By ME!" cried Dave.

"NOT by him!" she cried back.

Then, while the paparazzi started clicking away, she started posing, blowing kisses, and smiling all the way down the red carpet.

After a few minutes, Jericho stepped in her way. "IT'S MEEEE!" he exclaimed.

"Hey! You stepped in my shot." she exclaimed. "That wasn't nice."

"Ok, folks, you've seen em all, you paid your money, now BEAT IT!" Jericho called to the crowd while him and Kelly joined the others in another part of the set. "Those freeloaders."

"I gotta say, that was a lot of fun!" exclaimed Melina.

"Not for me." replied Shawn. "I was hoping not to get mugged, and what happens? I end up getting mugged by a bunch of fangirls."

"Heh, you got off lucky. Having a guy trying to imitate you by spitting water in your face isn't fun at all." replied Hunter.

"I never found any dead lizard!" Mickie exclaimed, joining them.

"Dead lizard?" asked Kelly.

"I looked everywhere!" she exclaimed.

"Ok, ok, cut the chit chat, I won this thing because I made it outta there faster than the others. Right?" demanded Dave.

"Uh, no way, dude." replied Jericho.

Then, he grabbed him by the collar. "You wanna change that statement?" he said through clenched teeth.

"Nope. See, Dave, you didn't understand the rules. Running over everyone just to get you to the other side doesn't earn you the win. Your goal was to actually stay and deal with those germ incubators-I-I mean people out there, and not get dragged off of the carpet somehow, which is exactly what Kelly did." he explained.

"So does that mean I win?" she asked.

"Sure does!"

"Yay!" she exclaimed happily.

"Well, well, well. The Anti-Dave alliance, 2, Dave, zip." announced Hunter. "Ready to admit that you can't beat 5 other people all on your own?"

"All right, listen. I'm all right with Kelly winning, because you know, she's my woman." he replied.

"NO, I'M NOT!" she exclaimed angrily.

"So that's the only defeat I'll take. The rest of you, if anyone else defeats me in another challenge, you'll be going down." he said seriously.

"Ok, maintain!" exclaimed Jericho. "While we're back here, it's time for your third challenge, which will take place in here." he said, leading them into a nice, clean band room.

"So what, we're gonna sit here and do nothing?" asked Melina.

"Nope. Here's the deal. See how clean and tidy this place is now? Well, your job is to trash this place! Destroy it like any true rock star would! Unleash all your anger! GO CRAZY!" he screamed.

"Whoa, whoa, Jericho, calm down, you're turning red again!" exclaimed Mickie.

"Water!" he cried.

Shawn tossed him a water which thumped Jericho's head and then landed in his arms. "Ahh, much better. Ok, so whoever trashes this room the most wins invincibility! Wait until I'm out of the room to start before you kill me. I'm leaving...I'm leaving, I'm closing the door...and...GO!" he exclaimed outside.

"So as I was saying, you're all going down." finished Dave.

Hunter finished spray painting 'DX' over a wall and then faced him. "Dude, just quit it, you're not gonna win!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, seriously, you and your silly little lawyers and your silly little contract won't scare us!" agreed Shawn.

Then, Dave angrily threw a glass vase towards them, hitting the wall.

"Looks like you have bad aim, too." replied Hunter. Then, he grabbed a lamppost and tossed it towards Dave, but he ducked and it stuck into the wall, just missing Mickie.

"EEP!" she cried.

"That makes two of us, then." Dave said with a smirk, grabbing the lamppost from out of the wall.

"So you wanna fight that way, huh? Then-" began Hunter.

"Hunter, chillax. I got this." Shawn replied, storming up to Dave. "Threaten someone who cares, ok? Cause frankly, we're getting sick of you." he said, shoving him.

Dave chuckled and stormed back up to him. "Oh, that jealousy of yours will fade away eventually. Sort of like your hair." he replied, shoving him back.

Then, Shawn angrily punched Dave across the face! "DON'T joke about the hair!" he exclaimed.

After that, Dave shook himself off and swung the lamppost towards him, but Shawn ducked and swung a pipe back towards him, while Dave ducked.

"Kelly, watch how a real man fights!" Dave called back to her.

"Can somebody please shut him up?" Kelly said dully.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of him. COME HERE!" Shawn cried, tackling Dave to the ground.

The two guys used everything in the room to fight, while the room was totally getting destroyed at the same time.

"Um, are we gonna get a chance to trash anything?" asked Melina.

Mickie kicked over a trash can. "There you go." she replied.

Meanwhile, the two were neck and neck, while Hunter called, "Shawn, heads up!" he cried, tossing a statue at him.

He caught it, and threw it towards Dave, but it missed and crashed against the wall. Next, Dave lifted a chair and threw it at him, while Shawn ducked at the right time. Then, he tossed a table back at Dave, and he barely missed it. After that, Dave furiously tossed countless items towards both him and Hunter, while they ducked them all and Jericho peeked in to find the scene.

"Uh, ok, MAINTAIN!" he shouted.

Everyone was totally silent while Shawn and Dave continued to glare at each other.

"Epic fight, huh?" asked Kelly.

"Clearly." he agreed. "So, seeing all the damage done, looks like Dave and Shawn's raging fury worked out. I'd say both of you won this challenge."

"WHAT?" they demanded.

"No way, dude!" exclaimed Hunter. "Only one person can get invincibility, which should be Shawn. He totally kicked Dave's ass!"

"Yeah, and Dave started the whole thing in the first place!" agreed Shawn.

"Don't listen to them, you said whoever trashed this room the most would win, and that's exactly what I did!" argued Dave.

"Aw, stop lying!" exclaimed Shawn.

"Ok, you just-" began Dave.

"Maintain, dudes, maintain! Listen, since it's a tie, the invincibility will be up for the taking for whoever wins our tiebreaker." he explained.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Shawn: "Ok, how can I be tied with that conniving, cheating, two-faced phony?"

Dave: "So now I gotta deal being in a tie with a hyperactive, agitated, hotheaded wreck?"

Shawn/Dave: "Dude, you are SO going down."

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>"Why'd you drag me to this thing?" Big Show asked dully, joining them. "I was in the middle of organizing my Twinkie stash."<p>

"Ok, do you really have anything better to do with your life?" demanded Jericho.

He crossed his arms. "No." he replied.

"Anyways, I'm just gonna make this tiebreaker simple because I want this episode to be over with. Heads or tails, call it." Jericho announced, tossing a coin into the air.

"Heads!" called Shawn.

"Tails!" called Dave.

He caught the coin. "Tails."

"Aw, COME ON!" snapped Shawn.

"Yep, Dave wins, so he gets invincibility. Once again." Jericho replied.

"WHAT?" demanded the Anti-Dave alliance.

"Thank you." he replied with an evil smile. "So, what do you think of me now, Kelly?"

She slapped his hand away.

"Ow!" he cried.

Before the elimination ceremony, Shawn, Hunter, and Melina held back to chat about things...

"So, Almighty Dave gets away with invincibility once again. Is there NOTHING we can do to stop him?" demanded Melina.

"Yeah, I know. Seems like we had him cornered until now. If only we could just find out his one weakness that'll send him into some spiraling downfall!" agreed Shawn.

"I think I already know his one true weakness." replied Hunter. "And I'd feel terrible doing this, but we're gonna have to."

"Do what?" asked Shawn and Melina.

Meanwhile, Kelly and Mickie were headed for the ceremony on their own...

"I'm just so happy you're back in the game with us!" exclaimed Kelly. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too, Kel! And I'm glad I'm back, too. Today was so much fun! It's not everyday you get a second chance at the million bucks!" she exclaimed.

"That's true! So how was things while you were back with everyone else who got eliminated?" she asked.

She sighed. "Crazy, I'll tell you that. Randy's still going insane, Nattie's stalking him nonstop, Cena and Candice are happily back together, and everyone else...it's a circus over there." she said with a chuckle.  
>"So it's not any different than when they were here, I guess." replied Kelly. "Hey, you ok?"<p>

"Yeah, it's just, Matt and I still aren't really speaking to each other since we broke up. I miss him like crazy, you know? The old him. For some reason, I'm afraid I'll never get him back." she said sadly.

"It's ok, Mickie, believe me, I know how hard it is. You just need some time to think things out, ok? Everything's gonna be fine." she said with a smile.

She smiled. "Thanks, Kel. Well, I do have some good news. Before I left to come back here, Jeff told me to tell you that he misses you like crazy." she replied.

"Aww, I miss him like crazy, too." she replied, blushing. "Well, I'll do whatever I can to stay here for him as long as I can...even if it means dealing with Dave for God knows how long."

* * *

><p>A few minutes later at the elimination ceremony...<p>

"All righty then, parasites, once again, it's time for our wonderful elimination ceremony! Now, I know a few of you are a bit ticked off right now, so deal with it and just vote."

Everyone cast in their votes and then...

"Time's up! And here are your results. Melina, Shawn, Mickie, and Hunter, you're all safe!" he exclaimed, tossing them awards.

Kelly looked extremely nervous while Dave scooted next to her.

"Ok, who voted for me?" he demanded.

No reply.

"Invincibility, people, that's what it means." he replied.

"Wait. That's true. He has invincibility, so he's automatically safe, and all you guys are safe, which means...I'm eliminated." Kelly said, shocked.

"Good figuring that out, Kel." replied Jericho. "Yep, it's your turn to ride in the Lambo. I'll..I'll be going in my office to cry about it now. *sobs* WHY?"

Mickie looked shocked, too. "Kelly, how could this happen?" she asked.

"Yeah, what the hell's going on here?" demanded an angry Dave.

"Dave, YOU voted me off, didn't you?" demanded Kelly.

"What?"

"You voted me off just because I'd never join your side, right?" she demanded.

"Well news flash, I voted for you anyway!" exclaimed Mickie. "I don't care if you have invincibility, you've done a lot of crap today!"

"I voted for you, too!" Kelly agreed.

"Why would you do something like that? I thought we had something special!" he exclaimed.

"Listen to me! I'm in love with Jeff, not you! I don't want to be mean, but there will never be an 'us'! We could go back to being friends if you stopped manipulating people in order for you to win." she said seriously.

"Uh, Kelly?" asked Melina.

"Yeah?"

"Dave didn't vote for you...We kinda did." she said sadly.

She looked even more shocked than before. "What? Why would you guys vote me off? I thought I was a part of the alliance! I thought you were my friends!" she exclaimed.

"Kelly, calm down." replied Hunter. "Listen, neither of us wanted to do it, but it was a strategy. You see, we thought the right thing to do was to send you off in order to break down Dave, you know what I mean?"

"So, without me, he'd go crazy and get all distracted." she replied.

"Exactly!" agreed Shawn. "That's the only reason why we had to do it. We're really sorry it had to go this way, though."

"Yeah, if you hate us, we'll understand." added Melina.  
>"I could never hate you guys! Listen, if it was for the alliance, then I understand. Besides, I had a blast here with you guys, anyway!" she exclaimed.<p>

"But Kel, I finally come back just to see my best friend leave?" Mickie asked sadly.

"I'm so sorry, Mickie." she said, taking her hands.

*BEEP BEEP!* called the lambo.

"Well, that's my ride. I better go." she said.

"Wait, group hug!" exclaimed Mickie.

After they all (minus Dave) hugged, Kelly said, "Yeah, well at least I get to take a break from all these crazy challenges and...I'll finally be with Jeff again." she brightened up. "Hahahahahaha. YAY!" she exclaimed, waving to everyone while she hopped in the lambo. "Haha, bye! Jeff, hold on! I'm coming back for you!"

While the lambo drove off, everyone waved to her while Dave cried, "COME BACK! I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL! WHAT AM I GONNA DO HERE WITHOUT YOU?"

"Dave, you had nothing!" exclaimed Shawn. "Why does he not understand?"

"Looks like he's pretty heartbroken." replied Mickie.

"Just like we've planned." Melina said with a smile.

"Haha, yeah. Guys, at this rate, we're in the clear. HEAR THAT, DAVE? WE'RE IN THE CLEAR!" called Hunter.

"I'M GRIEVING, DAMN IT!" he called back.

"Oh, sorry." Hunter said quickly, leading the other three away.

"That guy's got issues." Shawn replied.


	29. Episode 25

Total WWE Action!: Domo Arogato, Mr. Roboto! 

Episode 25

"Hey, what's crack-a-lackin, my masomorphs? The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla, Chris Jericho here with another action packed episode of TWA coming up next! Last week, the Anti-Dave alliance was still fed up with Dave, while he kept trying to get with Kelly. After one harsh argument, Dave declared war on the Anti-Dave's. While the alliance thought that they were finished, though, Mickie returned just in the nick of time! Yeah, I asked her to return because I missed her dearly. The gang's theme this week was a good ol' rock and roll fest, and their first challenge was a Guitar Hero tournament! Each castmate had to complete their songs with no errors, or else, KABOOM! Unfortunately for Hunter, Mickie, Kelly, and Melina, Mr. Shocky paid them a painful visit. But for Dave and Shawn, it was a different story. Both guys faced off, while Shawn's guitar sparked a fire, and Dave, well, I'm really not sure what the hell he was doing. In the end, Shawn won the first contest due to Dave being a show off. The second challenge brought our rockers to a red carpet, just to show them how annoying it is to face the paparazzi. Dave apparently didn't give a crap about them, Melina speared an old lady by accident, a fan of Hunter's sent the Game chasing after him, Mickie had to be on call after hearing about some dead lizard, and Shawn got mugged by a gang of fangirls. Kelly won the second challenge just because she was the only one who didn't get overrun by something. Their third challenge was to find any way to trash a room, where heated words came between DX and Dave. The result? Shawn and Dave were in an all out BRAWL, while destroying the room at the same time! Since they both caused the most destruction, Dave won invincibility AGAIN after a coin toss. Yeah, none of the others were too thrilled about that! After some drastic measures, Melina, Shawn, and Hunter had to make a tough decision about who to send home, and the result was that Kelly was out next. The thing is, she left on a happy note since she got to see her man again. Try telling that to poor Dave! This week, will Dave be the same after the elimination of his crush? And will someone actually join the side of Almighty Dave? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was a typical evening at TWA...<p>

In the girls' trailer...

Mickie and Melina were getting ready for bedtime.

"I miss Kelly already!" exclaimed Mickie. "I just wish you and the others didn't vote her off."

"Mickie, believe me, it tore me apart to have to vote her off, but Hunter, Shawn, and I had to do it for her own good, and the alliance. Now that she's away from Dave, he'll be miserable and forget about winning, you know what I mean?" asked Melina.

"Yeah, I guess." she replied. "Well, it's just you and me around here now."

When she reached down to pick up something, she saw a box under the bed.

"Hey, what's this?" she asked.

"What?" asked Melina.

Then, she took out the box and took off the lid. "Aww! Lookie here!" she exclaimed.

"What, what?" Melina asked, rushing to see what was inside. "Aww!"

Then, Mickie held up two pear-shaped doll thingies that sort of looked like them.

"What are they?" asked Melina.

"Hmm, says here on the box that they're called Woogles." read Mickie.

"Woogles? Never heard of them, but they're cute!" Melina exclaimed, picking up one that was red, had long curly hair and had a skirt.

When she squeezed it, it said, "I love you!"

"Oh! You are just too cute!" Melina exclaimed, hugging it. "I'm keeping you!"

"Ooh, what does mine say?" Mickie asked, squeezing hers that was light purple, had her hair in a ponytail and had a different skirt.

It said, "Hi! Will you be my friend?" it asked.

"Sure, I will!" Mickie exclaimed. "Mel, who'd leave these adorable things under the bed like that?"

"I have no idea, but we're gonna have so much fun with these! I wonder if the guys'll find any." replied Melina.

In the guys' trailer...

"Ha! Beat you again!" exclaimed Shawn, who was playing Old Maid with Hunter.

"Aw, whatever!" exclaimed Hunter. "I hate this game, anyway."

"Aw, you only hate it because I beat you 10 times in a row!" exclaimed Shawn. "Nobody likes a sore loser, dude."

"I am not a sore loser!" he replied.

Dave sprung up from his bed. "Excuse me, can you two please shut up so I can get some sleep?" he demanded.

They both glanced at him.

"Why so grumpy, Dave?" Hunter asked casually.

"Don't even start with me, both of you." he replied. "You and your little alliance voted Kelly off on purpose! You wanted to break me down so I wouldn't focus on the game, didn't you?"

"Who says we need to tell?" asked Shawn.

"Well, heads up, nothing will stop me from focusing on the prize and beating the rest of you, all right? Your little alliance is only going to get smaller and smaller, and eventually, there'll be none of you left to stop me. And then-" he began.

Shawn and Hunter tossed the cards in his face, shutting him up.

"HEY!" he cried.

"Dave, shut up and go back to sleep. You talk too much." replied Hunter.

Then, when he reached for something, he caught another box under his bed.

"Well, lookie here, a box!" he exclaimed, taking it out.

Shawn and Dave joined him.

"What, is it a present for us?" asked Shawn. "If it was from Jericho, it'd probably be, I don't know, underwear? Socks?"

"His dry cleaning?" added Dave.

Then, Hunter opened the box to find 2 Woogles and something called a Poogle!

"Heh?" asked Dave.

"What the hell are these things?" asked Hunter, picking up a green one with a propeller hat on.

When he squeezed it, it burped loudly and laughed.

"Whoa, cool!" he exclaimed happily. "Dude, I'm keeping this!"

"Let me see!" Shawn exclaimed, picking up a blue one with a cowboy hat before Dave got to it.

Shawn squeezed it and it replied, "You're my best pal!"

"Aww, well how nice of you! See, he's my best pal!" Shawn exclaimed happily.

"I thought I was your best pal." Hunter said innocently.

"Don't worry, Hunter, nobody could ever take your place." Shawn replied.

"I'm special." he said with a smile.

Then, Dave snatched up the Poogle that was left, and it was hard and wooden with a dopey look on its face.

"Ok, what the hell is this thing?" he demanded, squeezing it only to hear it wheezing.

Shawn stifled his laughter while Hunter said, "Well, says here on the box that these things are called Woogles. I don't know what the hell yours is supposed to be, but that's funny."

Dave looked on the back of his and said, "Mine's called a Poogle." he said meekly.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Shawn.

"Poogle? That's even funnier!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Ok, ok, can we just get some sleep before Jericho tells us to wake up?" Dave demanded, tossing his Poogle aside and hopping into bed.

"Poogle." muttered Shawn.

Silence.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" they both laughed.

"SHUT UP!" exclaimed Dave.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Hunter: "I hate to say it, but Dave's getting even worse than Orton ever was. I even kinda miss him...not really."

Dave: "I am SO calling my lawyer about this hoax! How come those guys get the good things and I get a goddamn..POOGLE?" *calls lawyer, but only hears dial tone* "Hello? HELLO? Ok, fine. *hangs up* I'll just call my other lawyer and ask that one to sue this one for ignoring my call."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>The next morning, the gang woke up, but in an oddly familiar place...<p>

When they all woke up, Mickie said, "Hey. Hey, where are we? These aren't our trailers!"

"Looks familiar, though." replied Hunter. "Oddly familiar."

"Of course it's familiar! You guys, we're back on that island from where we were all tortured on last year!" Melina exclaimed.

"What?" demanded Shawn. "I don't want to be back here! Now all those horrible memories from when Jericho tortured and embarrassed me are coming back! Shawn Jr., help me out, will ya?" he asked his Woogle friend.

"I like pancakes!" it exclaimed.

"You do? Well, so do I!" Shawn exclaimed, surprised.

"You guys got Woogles, too?" asked Mickie.

"Yeah, Hunter the Second's totally awesome!" exclaimed Hunter.

"So's mine!" agreed Shawn.

"I didn't even get that much sleep last night from playing with Mini Mel all night!" exclaimed Melina.

"Yeah, same with me and Tiny Mickie!" agreed Mickie.

While they all chatted at the same time, Dave exclaimed, "Ok, enough with all this Woogle crap! We gotta figure out how the hell we got here!"

"He's just jealous because he got a Poogle." Hunter told the girls, holding it up.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" they laughed.

"Hey, why'd you bring that here?" demanded Dave.

"You're a bad caregiver, dude. You neglected the poor thing." replied Shawn.

"Yeah, someone had to take care of him." agreed Hunter.

"Whatever, we just gotta-" he began, when Jericho appeared out of nowhere, hanging upside down in a karate suit. "PARASITES!" he exclaimed.

"AAAAAHHH!" everyone shouted, surprised.

After that, Jericho cut down the string that was holding him up, and did a few karate moves, almost striking the other castmates!

After almost striking him, Hunter said, "Whoa, whoa, what's going on here, Whacky Chan?"

"Hello, my parasites. And for the record, my name today is the Honorable Jericho-San." he replied, bowing.

"Anyway, WHACKY Chan, what's going on here?" asked Hunter.

Jericho glared at him. "Ok, I bet you're all wondering why we're all back at our wonderful Total WWE Island. Well, today, grasshoppers, you will all be competing in a kung fu flick today." he announced.

"Awesome, do we get to Whoo-Shoo chop your ass?" demanded Dave.

"Don't tempt me, dude. Anyways, here's the deal. The following challenges will lead up to a reward, and there'll be two teams of two. Let's have...Shawn and Hunter..."

"YES!" they exclaimed, high fiving each other.

"..and Melina and Dave." he finished.

"Ooh." Shawn and Hunter replied.

"WHAT?" demanded Melina. "I don't want to be his partner!"

"Hmph." Dave scoffed.

"Too bad, no change ups, Mel." replied Jericho.

"Uh, Chris? What about me?" asked Mickie.

"Yeah, about that. Come with me, grasshopper." he replied, taking her away.

"What's this about?" she asked cautiously. "Because I'm not going on a date with you."

"Damn it." he muttered. "No, it's for the challenge. You're not on any team because I need you to favor one team and sabotage the other team in any way you can."

"Any why would I do that?" she asked.

"Number 1, you get to dress up." he said, handing her a geisha outfit. "And two, you get to help the team that you favor and you know, make the other team lose. It makes the drama more intense, you know?" he asked.

"Hmm. It really doesn't seem right, but I guess as long as nobody's getting eliminated because of me, then it's ok." she said cautiously.

"Great! Then go get dressed up and pick your winning team and do your dirty work!" he exclaimed, leaving.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Mickie: "Being in that alliance with Big Show was bad enough, but now he wants me to sabotage someone else? Ok, well, if I have to, then here's my strategy. I'll do all I can to help Hunter and Shawn's team, and I'll have to hurt Dave and Mel's team. I know Mel's one of my best friends, but Dave? He needs to go down."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>A few minutes later...<p>

"Sorry to keep you all waiting, grasshoppers." announced Jericho.

"Where's Mickie?" asked Shawn. "Wasn't she with you?"

"Uh, I needed the teams to be even, so I let her go shopping for a little while." he replied.

"No fair!" exclaimed Melina.

Mini Mel laughed along.

"Ok, so anyway, all good kung fu masters must train in order to learn, right? So, that's what you're all gonna be doing for now. Both teams'll train while I sip a Martini." he replied.

"Hey, you know a Martini isn't Kung Fu related!" exclaimed Hunter.

"It's green tea." he replied.

"Oh, ok then." he said quickly.

A few minutes later, both teams went off to train...

"Ok, Shawn, I'll be your trainer, all right?" asked Hunter.

"Fine with me." he agreed. "So, what do I do first?"

"First, we'll start with a few quick kicks and punches. Aim each one at a steady pace." he said, holding boxing pads.

"Coolio." he replied, kicking and then punching in a pattern.

"Keep up the pace, man. 1,2,1,2,1,2,1,2, good." he replied.

"So, on another topic, I feel bad for poor Mel over there. Oh no, I just had a bad thought." said Shawn.

"Like what?"

"Now that Kelly's gone, what if Dave tries to persuade Melina to join his side? You know, since he has her to himself!" he exclaimed.

"Hmm. That could be a possibility, but Mel knows better than to side with him. There's nothing to worry about. Now keep punching and kicking, dude!" exclaimed Hunter.

While he did, Shawn turned around to check on Shawn Jr. and found that he fell on his side.

"JUNIOR!" Shawn exclaimed, accidentally kicking Hunter in the face.

"OW!" he cried.

"Are you ok, buddy?" Shawn asked Shawn Jr.

"You're the best!" it exclaimed.

"Well, I do what I can." he replied with a chuckle.

Meanwhile, Hunter was holding his nose. "Uh, Shawn? I think you might be a little too attached to that thing."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"You almost kicked my nose off!" he exclaimed.

"Oops, uh, sorry, man." he replied.

"Hey, guys!" Mickie (now dressed like a geisha) said, joining them.

"Wow, Mickie, is this what came out of the shopping trip?" asked Hunter.

"Shopping?" she asked, surprised.

"Jericho." replied Shawn.

"Oh. Anyways, no, please don't tell the other team, but Jericho told me to choose one team to help and one team to uh, sabotage." she announced.

"Oh, really?" he asked. "By any chance, did you choose to help us?"

"Sure did!" she exclaimed. "Which means I gotta sabotage Mel and Dave. I'd hate to do this to Mel, but I gotta bring Dave down. For the sake of the alliance, right?"

"Exactly! Great plan, Mickie." replied Hunter. "With the three of us together, Dave won't stand a chance. Now I got a favor to ask you?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I have an ice pack? Shawn almost kicked my nose off tending to his Shawn Jr." he said, looking at him.

"Well!" Shawn scoffed. "What about your little Hunter the Second?"

"I don't have to keep tending to him cause he's well behaved! Unlike yours!" he exclaimed.

Shawn covered Shawn Jr's ears. "Don't listen to the mean man, he's trying to bring down your self esteem." he said quickly.

Mickie sighed. "Well, Tiny Mickie, won't we have a long day." she said dully.

"Hehe." it giggled. "You're funny!"

"That wasn't a joke." she replied.

Meanwhile, Melina and Dave had to train in another place...

"So, here's the deal. I'll train you and you listen to everything I say. Got it?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever." she replied.

Then, he brought out a long strip of wood and set it down. "Ok, first, break this wood in half."

"What? I can't do that!" she exclaimed.

As a response, he just crossed his arms and looked at her.

"UGH!" she exclaimed, halfheartedly hitting the board. "Happy now?"

"What's wrong with you today?" he asked.

"I don't want to be partners with you, that's what." she muttered.

"Mel, think of it this way. I know everything there is to know about fighting. With me, you'll be on the path to the reward. Have you even ever won a reward lately? Seems like your alliance buddies get all the good things instead of you." he replied.

She was quiet for a minute. "Well, I don't really remember the last time that I won anything." she replied.

"Uh huh. And didn't you feel really bad that your 'alliance' helped make you vote your best friend Kelly off last week? It hurt me deeply." he continued.

"...Yeah, it really did hurt." she replied.

"I thought so. Melina, join with me, and you won't have the stress of those guys making you do things you don't want to do. With me, there's 5 star meals, free spa access, your own personal shower, and a guaranteed ticket to the finals with me. Whaddya say?" he asked with a smile.

She looked at him for a minute, and then slowly smiled back at him. Then, while they weren't looking, Mickie switched that board with an unbreakable one.

"Dave, I'll see you in the finals, then." Melina said, shaking his hand.

"Trust me, Mel, you made the right choice." he replied.

Then, she tried chopping the board again, only for it not to break.

"OW!" she cried in pain. "Yeah, I guess so."

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Melina: "Listen before you all turn on me. Agreeing to Dave's offer was just a strategy of mine to help the alliance. There's no way I'm leaving Shawn, Hunter, and Mickie for him! The longer I align with him, the more he'll trust me. When the time comes, I'll turn on him and somehow get him eliminated! Genius, right? Now, I only hope that the others don't think I'm really in an alliance with him or else they'll kill me!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Later, everyone met back with Jericho...<p>

"Uh, Mickie, nice outfit!" exclaimed Melina.

"Yeah, Halloween's over now." added Dave.

She glared at Dave and told Melina, "I uh, just wanted to wear this outfit to uh, celebrate today's theme!" she exclaimed.

"All righty then, grasshoppers, the Honorable Jericho-San is back with your next challenge. Now that you've trained, let's put those skills to the test! Big Show has prepared these wonderful ninja costumes for you both."

"Like em? I do." Big Show said, holding up two costumes, one red and one blue.

"Ok, so let's have...Dave face off against...Hunter in a battle to the finish!" he exclaimed.

Hunter smiled. "Awesome, I get to kick Dave's ass."

"In your dreams." he replied.

"Whoa, whoa, maintain, dudes. There's more. See, your costumes are attached to these strings, for your partners to control your every move. Which means it's up to Shawn and Melina to fight for you guys." he explained.

Dave whipped around. "Ok, Melina, all you gotta do is help me knock him out. Got it?" he asked.

"Sure thing." she replied.

Meanwhile...

"Shawn, we can totally shut him up if we work together." said Hunter. "Remember the skills we went over?"

"Yup. Don't worry, dude, I've got it all covered." agreed Shawn.

All righty, then let the games begin!" Jericho exclaimed, hitting a gong.

A few seconds later, Hunter and Dave were in their costumes and Shawn and Melina were up in balconies controlling them.

Hunter chopped towards Dave, while he ducked, while Dave chopped towards him and ended up bonking Hunter on the head.

"OW! Dude, that's so unfair." he said, then high kicking him.

"OW! HEY!" Dave cried. "Mate! dorobō! Tasukete!, Mel!"

"What?" Hunter said, confused.

Up on the balconies, Mickie joined Shawn. "Hey, Shawn!" she exclaimed. "I got an idea to help you win!"

"Really? Lay it on me, Micks." he replied.

She whispered something to him and he smiled. "Genious! Heads up, Hunter!" he exclaimed, pulling various strings.

Then, Hunter did a bunch of karate moves, and finished with a woo-shoo chop that sent Dave flying towards a wall!

"Oops." Melina said with a half smile.

Dave got up, stunned. "Korewa nandesu ka?" he demanded.

"...HEH? Shawn, I need a dictionary!" exclaimed Hunter.

He tossed one down and then Hunter replied, "Uh, aishiteru yo." he said slowly.

"Dude, that means 'I love you.' " replied Dave.

"Ew!" he exclaimed. "Uh, ok, uh, benjo wa doko desu ka?"

"You want to know where the toilet is?" asked Dave.

"Aw screw it. You're getting a can of whoopass!" Hunter exclaimed.

Then, a random chinese food delivery guy approached the set. "Delivery! Delivery!" he exclaimed.

While Shawn didn't see what was going on down there, he made Hunter do a few more karate moves, only for him to strike the delivery man!

"WHOA!" the guys exclaimed while food flew everywhere.

"Uh, oops. Sorry, sir. Uh, Watashi no hobākurafuto wa unagi de ippai desu." he told him.

"Your Hovercraft is full of eels?" asked Dave.

"Oh, shut up, who asked ya?" he demanded.

"The-the food. My food..." the delivery guy said shakily, walking away.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Delivery Man: "All I try to do was deliver Chinese food! They attack me! Shrimp fried rice flew everywhere! They crushed egg roll! And LOOK! Look at this mushu! MUSHU, MUSHU, MUSHU!" _Jericho: "HEY, GET OUTTA MY CONFESSIONAL!" _"AAH!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Later...<p>

"Mel, what was that?" demanded Dave.

"I tried all I could, but for some reason this string that was holding you together just broke outta nowhere!" exclaimed Melina.

Mickie smiled. "I switched it with faulty string." she said quietly.

"Haha, nice one, Mickie, I haven't thought of that." Hunter said with a smile.

"At this rate, we consider you not just our friend, but an honorary member of DX." replied Shawn.

"Really! That is an honor!" she exclaimed. "This is a fun day."

"Ok, parasitic grasshoppers, here's what's up." announced Jericho. "Shawn and Hunter, you clearly left Dave and Melina in the dust, so you win!"

"YES!" the three of them high fived.

"So now, you two advance to your next challenge, where you'll be competing AGAINST each other, haha." he continued.

They looked at each other.

"Ok, what do we have to do?" asked Shawn.

"You two have to climb up that mountain over there and somewhere near the top, lies a professional ninja that arrived here from Japan. You both have to fight the ninja in order to win, and whichever one of you defeats the ninja, wins the reward! Sounds fun?" he asked.

They both looked stunned.

"Great! Well, get going!" he exclaimed.

"So, what about us?" demanded Dave.

"You two get to go on kitchen duty with Big Show." he replied.

"WHAT?" they both demanded.

"That's SO unfair!" exclaimed Melina. "That's the worst punishment there is!"

"Hey, life isn't fair. Especially when you suddenly run outta Twinkies. Come on." Big Show said, leading them away.

"I'm calling my lawyer." Dave said quickly.

On the mountain...

"How long have we been climbing?" Hunter asked, tired.

"Like, 1..2..3, uh, 35 minutes, I don't know." replied Shawn. "Hey, Shawn Jr., how are you holding up?"

"I like pancakes!" it exclaimed.

"Haha, so do I!" he exclaimed again. "He really likes his pancakes!"

"Ehh." Hunter replied. "Hunter the Second, what do you have to say?"

" *burps* "

"Uh, yeah, ok." Hunter said meekly.

"You know, guys, these Woogle things aren't so great anymore, are they?" asked Mickie.

"Yeah, all mine does is burp. It's not really funny anymore." agreed Hunter.

"What? Are you two insane? These little guys need us!" exclaimed Shawn. "Shawn Jr., I'll never abandon you like...these people."

They both looked at him.

"Ok, how the hell are we gonna get up this thing?" demanded Hunter.

"The only thing to do is for us to work together." replied Mickie.

"Yeah, that'll be easy with Shawn and his new obsession." Hunter replied, glaring at him.

He glared back at him. "Aw, don't worry about it, we're meetin' that ninja or my name isn't the Heartbreak Kid! Let's go!" he exclaimed.

Meanwhile, Dave and Melina were in the kitchen with Big Show...

"Ok, you two are gonna learn the ancient art of japanese cooking, teppanyaki." announced Big Show.

"Teppawha?" asked Melina.

"Ok, just watch and learn." he replied, setting all the ingredients out.

Then, with a swift wrist, he quickly chopped all of the ingredients into tiny pieces, flipped the kinves in the air and caught them, tossed the salt and pepper around, and fancied the foods into a cool pattern. "Voila." he finished.

"Whoa." Melina said, shocked.

"Ok, if you could do all that, why do you butcher every other meal you prepare?" asked Dave.

"Because this matters." he replied.

"For what?" he asked.

"IT MATTERS!" he exclaimed. "So now, it's your turn. Melina, you go first."

"I don't know how to do this!" she exclaimed. "What if I get cut with the knife?"

"You should've thought about that before losing the contest." he said with a smirk.

She glared at him and then chopped the ingredients as fast as she could, and when she timidly threw the knives in the air, she ducked as she barely missed them.

"EEEE!" she squealed, scared. "Ok, your turn." she said, shoving Dave ahead.

"Fine, don't be so afraid." he replied. Then, he started chopping up some ingredients, did a few tricks with the salt and pepper, and flipped the knives around. He caught one, but the other missed and landed on Big Show's foot.

He looked at them, turning red.

"Uh, want me to call a doctor?" asked Dave.

"...Uh huh." he whimpered.

Back on the mountain...

Hunter, Shawn, and Mickie were all exhausted still climbing up the mountain, but one of them would snap later...

"Are we almost there yet?" Mickie asked tiredly.

"Nope." Hunter replied tiredly. "This reward better be worth it if we gotta deal with this."

"Shawn Jr., are you ok?" asked Shawn.

"Pancakes!" it exclaimed.

"Haha...yeah." he replied.

"Dude, will you stop playing with that thing?" asked Hunter.

"Why should I?" he asked. "At least Shawn Jr., hasn't been complaining this whole time like you."

"Well, I have a right to complain if I gotta listen to all this lovey dovey crap." he replied. "We're here to win a challenge and fight a ninja, not go gaga over-"

"WHAT?" Shawn exclaimed, accidentally whacking Hunter down. "You say you gotta go pee, Junior?"

Growling, Hunter climbed up.

"Uh, Hunter, don't do something that you might regret." Mickie said cautiously.

"Sorry, but I gotta do this." he replied, then snatching Junior out of his hand. "Listen, Shawn's MY best friend, and you can't steal him away, GOT IT? You gotta go!" he exclaimed, tossing him off of the mountain!

He gasped. "JUNIOR!" he cried, then facing Hunter, he slapped him.

"OW! Well, sorry Shawn, but we gotta move on with this challenge." Hunter replied, slapping him back hard.

"OW!" he cried while Hunter sped away.

"HEY, DON'T YOU RUN FROM ME, WOOGLE KILLER!" Shawn cried back.

Then, Hunter sped as fast as he could to the top of the mountain where he came face-to-face with...

"YOU?" he demanded. "The Delivery guy?"

"That right! You and your friend destroy chinese food! You destroy mushu! Mushu, mushu, mushu!" he exclaimed.

"So you're a ninja from Japan?" asked Hunter.

"You must pay!" he exclaimed, doing a few karate moves.

"All right, if that's what you want." Hunter exclaimed, fighting back.

The two were back and forth, until the Delivery guy swung his nunchucks around.

"WHOA!" Hunter asked, dodging every attack.

"MUSHU!" he cried.

"Ok, you got your weapon, I got mine." he replied, taking out Dave's Poogle doll thingie.

"What that?" asked the delivery guy. "Is that...Poogle?"

"Uh huh. It does absolutely nothing for the low, low, price of free!" Hunter exclaimed.

"Wait! I surrender! Poogles most deadly weapon in Japan! I surrender!" he exclaimed.

"Calm down, you'll be fine. I gotta win a challenge, anyway." he replied, throwing the poogle at him, knocking him out. "Well, I won. Shawn, Mickie, I won!"

They finally caught up with him, when the delivery guy woke up and still saw the poogle over his face. "POOGLE!" he exclaimed, bumping into Shawn and Mickie while the three of them tumbled down the mountain. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!..."

"...Guys?" asked Hunter.

* * *

><p>Later that day, everyone met back by the trailers...<p>

"Well, Hunter, you won, even though the three of you got owned by a chinese food delivery man." Jericho said, chuckling.

"Stuff it, Jericho!" exclaimed Shawn.

"So, what do I win?" asked Hunter.

"A traditional teppanyaki style Japanese feast prepared by Melina and Dave." replied Jericho. "Shawn, Mickie, you have some too, I'm in a good mood today. Whoa, you guys all right?"

Melina and Dave were covered in band aids.

"Thank Big Show for this!" exclaimed Melina.

"I can sue you, you know!" Dave exclaimed to him.

He had an ice pack wrapped around his foot. "I oughta sue YOU after puncturing my foot earlier!"

"Hey, uh, Shawn, I'm uh, sorry for attacking you like that up there." said Hunter.

"Ah, it's ok." he replied. "I think that whole Woogle phase got to my head. Thanks for slapping some sense into me!"

He chuckled. "No prob."

"Well, I'm glad you're still friends." replied Mickie. "Now here's another thing. The challenges are over, so why is Melina still hanging out with Dave?"

The two got serious.

"Yeah." agreed Hunter. "She's been spending a lot of time with him over there."

"What if my theory's true?" asked Shawn. "What if Dave persuaded Melina to join his side?"

The three were silent.

"...and-and what the hell is this stuff?" he asked, looking at the meal.

"Uh, we used a poisonous fish. I _think_ we cooked all the poison outta it." Dave said casually.

"Uh, I don't feel so good." Mickie said woozily.

"BATHROOM!" the three shouted, about to throw up.

"You guys!" cried Melina.

"Oops." Dave said dully.

"Yeah, oops!" Big Show exclaimed, glaring at him while he held his foot in pain.

"Ah, these masomorphs are crazy, eh, folks? This is the Honorable Jericho-San signing out, toodle-oo!" he exclaimed.

"Toodle-oo?" asked Big Show, Dave, and Melina.

"Really, now?" asked Dave.

"NOBODY ASKED YOU!" Jericho exclaimed. "Parasites."


	30. Episode 26

Total WWE Action!: Space Jam (The 2nd Coming)

Episode 26

"Hey, my masomorphs, Y2J, Chris Jericho with another random episode of TWA coming up next! Last week, our remaining 5 castmates awakened in a strangely familiar place, which was Total WWE Island! Thinking they had to relive the traumatic experiences of the island, they were really there to meet me and my kung-fu tastic skills!...and compete in their next challenge. Shawn and Hunter, and Melina and Dave were split into two teams in order to train for the long day ahead of them, while Mickie's job was to help the team of her choosing, yet sabotage the other. Using a strategy, Mickie stayed on Team DX, and the three together were planning to take Dave down!

Meanwhile, DX had no problem training, but Hunter got concerned with Shawn's constant attention to Shawn Jr, which resulted in an accidental kick to the face! Somewhere else, Melina was anything but happy to train with Dave, but then he made her a deal she couldn't refuse. After some thoughtful deciding, Melina did the unthinkable and joined Dave's side! Well, turns out that she was secretly joining him only to betray him at a later time, but will the Anti-Dave alliance think otherwise?

The gang's next challenge was a good-old fashioned samurai ninja fight! Puppet style. Shawn and Melina were the puppeteers for Hunter and Dave, and had to control their every move for the fight. The two were neck and neck, but after a barrage of attacks with the help of Shawn and Mickie, Hunter left Dave in the dust! And if things weren't crazy enough, a chinese food delivery guy accidentally got attacked! That dude was PISSED! Since Shawn and Hunter were the winners, they advanced to their next challenge, which was to climb up a mountain and fight off a ninja, the winner receiving the reward of the week.

Meanwhile, Dave and Melina were punished with kitchen duty with Big Show. They attempted traditional Japanese cooking, but, uh, let's just say it wasn't a happy ending for Big Show. Meanwhile, back on the mountain, Shawn's constant attention over Shawn Jr. was really getting on Hunter's nerves, and later, the two argued, resulting in Hunter tossing Shawn Jr. off of the mountain! Heartbroken, Shawn slapped Hunter in retaliation, and in order to slap some sense into Shawn, that's exactly what Hunter did before speeding to the top.

There, he finally met the ninja who was..the delivery guy! The two were at it, until Hunter brought out the ultimate weapon, a Poogle! The delivery guy surrendered, but that didn't stop Hunter from knocking him out! Since he won the challenge, he, Shawn, and Mickie all got a feast of the mess that Melina and Dave attempted, which turned out to be poisonous anyway, so it wasn't the best reward we had, but whatever! This week, will the Anti-Dave alliance have second thoughts about Melina's sudden alliance with Dave? And who will get the boot next? Find out this week on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>It was the middle of the night and everyone was in the middle of a good night's sleep, until...<p>

"No...no, it's my muffin!" Hunter muttered in his sleep. "Mine!"

Shawn was asleep too, but woke up when he realized something was wrong.

He slowly opened his eyes to find that he was tucked in bed...

"Mmm?" he muttered, shaking the blanket off of him, and then, he realized that his hands and ankles were tied up and he was gagged!

"Mmm? MMMMMMM!" he cried, trying to crawl out of bed, but ended up falling out. "MMMMMM!"

Hunter woke up next. "...Wha? Dude?" he asked tiredly. "Dude!"

Shawn managed to hop to a chair. "MMMMMMMMM!" he said, muffled.

"Hold on, I'll save you, buddy!" Hunter exclaimed.

"Aw, so you're gonna untie him?" Dave asked, waking up.

"You mean, YOU did this to him?" demanded Hunter.

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Shawn snarled angrily.

"You didn't give me a choice!" he exclaimed. "If I hear any more about IHOP or pancakes outta you, I'll...I'll call my lawyer! I had to tie him up!"

"Wait until I get my hands on you, you...JERK!" Shawn exclaimed once he got untied.

"Aw, neither of you can do-" he began.

*HONK!* blasted an air horn.

"AAAAHH!" cried the guys.

"_Everyone GET OUT HERE!"_ Jericho exclaimed from outside.

"Aw, come on!" exclaimed Hunter. "It's 2 in the morning! He expects to torture us NOW?"

"Wait until I call my lawyer." muttered Dave. "I'm supposed to get 8 hours of sleep, this is unacceptable-"

"DAVE, SHUT UP!" Shawn and Hunter cried at the same time.

Once those three and the girls arrived outside...

"Jericho, it is too early for this." Melina said tiredly. "I'm in a bad mood when I'm tired. A very bad mood."

"Yeah, she can get violent!" agreed Mickie. "The last person who messed with Mel ended up in an iron lung for 5 months!"

"Whoa, don't kill me, ok, plonkers?" asked Jericho.

"Plonkers?" Hunter asked, confused.

"You should be happy to see the likes of me this time, because I brung presents!" he exclaimed, bringing out a bunch of gifts.

"Ooh, awesome-wait did you fill them with anthrax instead?" asked Mickie.

"Now, really, would I ever do something so vile?" Jericho asked, insulted.

"Yes." they all replied.

"Oh. Well, there's no anthrax inside, but your friends sent you some stuff. Enjoy." he replied.

"Oh wow, my gift's from Cena. That's a surprise." Hunter said, opening his box to find...

He laughed. "Oh, sweet! Look, I got a rubber chicken! I always wanted one of these!" he exclaimed.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Hunter: "I always thought Cena was a little on the arrogant side, but after he got me this, he's all right."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Oh great, something to keep you up all night." Dave muttered.<p>

Then, Hunter slapped him in the face with the chicken. "Rubber chicken!" he exclaimed, laughing.

Dave growled. "I won't respond to this." he replied.

"Hmm, I wonder what Candice got me." Shawn said, opening his box to find...

He gasped in shock. "Pancake flavored bubble gum. They said it never existed, but I actually have a pack of pancake flavored bubble gum!" he exclaimed happily. "You see this, Hunter?"

"Yeah, I see, dude." he said with a chuckle.

Dave rolled his eyes. "And he's off, people." he muttered.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Shawn: "I owe you, Candy for this wonderful gift. And the best part is, I can annoy Dave even more, isn't that awesome?"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Mickie opened her gift next to find...<p>

"Aww, Kelly and Jeff got me this adorable charm bracelet!" Mickie exclaimed with a smile. "That's so sweet of them!"

"Ooh, that IS cute!" exclaimed Melina. "Looks like there's a note for you, too."

"Let me see. 'Hey, Mickie, we just wanted to say that we miss you and we sent you this gift for making it to the top 5. It was totally unfair how you got eliminated last time, and you deserve a second chance at the million bucks. We know you'll make it to the top, and we believe in you. See you in the finals!' " she read, feeling guilty.

"Mickie, you ok?" asked Melina.

Then, she had a flashback.

_"__You're not on any team because I need you to favor one team and sabotage the other team in any way you can." _said Jericho.

_"And why would I do that?" she asked._

_"Number 1, you get to dress up." he said, handing her a geisha outfit. "And two, you get to help the team that you favor and you know, make the other team lose. It makes the drama more intense, you know?" he asked._

_"Hmm. It really doesn't seem right, but I guess as long as nobody's getting eliminated bacause of me, then it's ok." she said cautiously._

_"Great! Then go get dressed up and pick your winning team and do your dirty work!" he exclaimed, leaving._

Back to today...

"Mickie?" asked Melina.

"Oh! Nothing, I'm fine. What'd you get?" she asked.

"Let's see." she said, opening her gift to find...

She gasped. "What's this?" she asked, taking out a necklace with a sparkly key attached to it.

"It's beautiful!" exclaimed Mickie.

"Yeah, and it's from...John Morrison." she said, surprised.

"Wha? I thought you two broke up." she replied.

"Me, too. This is sweet of him. So, why would he get me something, but...Randy didn't?" she asked, stunned.

"Hmm. I dunno." Mickie said, rolling her eyes.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Melina: "As a matter of fact, I haven't heard from Randy ever since he got eliminated! He never called, sent anything, or got me a present. I hope everything's all right...I hope he isn't mad at me for being in an alliance with Dave! Maybe this whole alliance thing isn't a good idea after all, so what do I do?"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"So, Davey boy, what'd you get?" asked Hunter.<p>

"I don't know, but it better be good." he replied.

He opened his box to find an envelope.

"Heh?" he asked, opening it.

"So, what's it say?" asked Mickie.

"It..it's...a bill from my lawyers?" he demanded.

Everyone laughed.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" he shouted. "Calling too much, complaints, harassment-bull! I'm not paying them a damn thing!"

"Too bad for you, Dave." replied Jericho. "So, plonkers-God, I love that word-while you're all up, we might as well start another challenge!"

"Aw!" everyone muttered while Hunter slapped him with the rubber chicken.

"...OW! If I can finish! Ok, tonight, the stars are out and the scene's beautiful. You ever wonder what it's like to be plummeted into outer space?" he asked.

"You should know, Jericho, weren't you born on Jupiter?" asked Shawn.

"They do say Jupiter makes you stupider." agreed Hunter.

"HAHA!" everyone laughed.

"BE QUIET!" Jericho exclaimed. "Long story short, you're all doing a space theme tonight. So, if you would all follow me, let's proceed to your first challenge."

Later...

"Ok, people, here's your first challenge. As you can see, we've installed a space ship, installed on a roller coaster track. See, you guys get to get some more sleep inside, and no matter what, you gotta stay in the ship because there's no oxygen outside. In other words, if you go outside, you die." he replied.

"Oh, thanks, Jericho." Mickie said sarcastically.

"You're welcome! Have a good night's sleep, plonkers. You'll need it." he said, shoving them into the ship and slamming the door closed.

As soon as they all walked inside, they started floating in the air!

"WHOA!" everyone cried.

"Hahahaha, awesome!" laughed Hunter. "How insane is this?"

"I-WHOO!-I don't want to fly right now!" Mickie exclaimed, flipping over.

"Come on, Mickie, it's fun!" exclaimed Shawn. "Ah! My gum!" he cried as it floated outside.

Before it got too far away, he flew towards it and caught it again. "Got it." he replied with a thumbs up.

"What kind of challenge is this?" demanded Dave. "How can anyone sleep in this condition?"

"Just deal with it, ok?" asked Melina.

"No, I will NOT deal with it!" exclaimed Dave. "Melina, you're in my alliance, remember? What I say or think is always right."

"Wait, YOUR alliance?" she asked quietly, making sure the others weren't looking. "I thought we were both in this together!"

"I'm the leader, and you're the follower, ok?" he asked. "You listen to whatever I say, understand? And if you do, you make it to the finals with me."

"Hey, I don't have to-" she began.

"Understand?" he asked seriously.

She looked back at the others, while they glanced her way.

"Got it." she muttered. "I'm going to sleep."

"Melina, we-" he began.

"Cállate Dave, me voy a la cama y tú también, idiota!" she exclaimed before going to sleep.

"Uh...come again?" he asked, stunned.

"Hmm, I wonder what those two were chatting about over there." Shawn said suspiciously.

"Yeah, really. I hope she isn't sharing secret Anti-Dave alliance info with him." Hunter replied.

"You mean, she might be turning on us? She sided with us just to get info to share with him so that he'll know everything?" asked Mickie.

"Seems pretty suspicious." he agreed. "We better look after them to find out what's going on."

"Yeah...after we get some much needed sleep." replied Shawn. "Good night, you guys."

"You're gonna sleep with gum?" asked Mickie.

"It's pancake flavored." he replied seriously.

Later, everyone was asleep, until...

*WEEWOO WEEWOO WEEWOO!* blasted an alarm.

Everyone suddenly woke up.

"Damn it, not again!" cried Hunter. "My rubber chicken and I won't take this crap anymore! What's going on?"

Then, Mickie saw something come up on a screen. "Says here that the ship's broken!" she exclaimed.

"Broken? Are we gonna crash to the ground? We're not gonna die, are we, PLEASE tell me we're not gonna die!" Shawn babbled, scared.

"Dude, calm down! We're on a roller coaster, remember?" asked Hunter. "Is that gum making you extra hyper or something?"

"I dunno, but I'm likin it!" he exclaimed, happily floating around.

"God help us." muttered Dave. "Ok, something's up with the ship and we gotta fix it."

"Maybe that big red button that says 'FIX SHIP' can help us." Melina said sarcastically.

"I was gonna say that." Dave replied. "You, happy boy. Go push the button." he told Shawn.

"Hey, I don't gotta do anything-" he began before Dave tossed him towards the button. "Problem solved." he replied, stunned.

"Great work, Shawn!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Yeah!" Melina said, glaring at Dave.

"What? It was MY idea! Congratulate ME!" Dave exclaimed.

Meanwhile, Mickie was by a window, while she secretly held this communicating device that Jericho gave her before she got on the ship.

_"Mickie, it's me, Jericho. I got another job for you."_ he said.

She sighed and looked at her charm bracelet. "Yeah?" she asked.

"_I got a challenge cooked up and I need your help. Grab Hunter's rubber chicken and break the glass open, and then get away from the window so they don't suspect you." _he replied.

"What? How can I break a glass with a rubber chicken?" she asked.

"_Never underestimate the power of a rubber chicken. Trust me, it'll work. Now, do it!"_ he exclaimed.

"Fine! Jeez." she said, sneaking the rubber chicken away while nobody was looking. "Well, here goes nothing." Then, she used the chicken to break the window open, and quickly floated to the other side of the room. "Uh, guys! Look!" she exclaimed.

They stopped and saw the window.

"How'd it break?" asked Melina.

"I dunno! Maybe a rock flew inside or something!" she exclaimed.

"Really?" Dave asked, raising an eyebrow.

Then, from a megaphone outside, Jericho exclaimed, "HEY, I SEE YOU CAUGHT THE SURPRISE! HERE'S YOUR FIRST CHALLENGE AND IT'S REALLY EASY! YOU GOTTA FIND SOME WAY TO BLOCK THE WINDOW, OR ELSE YOU'LL RUN OUT OF OXYGEN. IN OTHER WORDS, YOU'LL ALL DIE! HURRY BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, PLONKERS!"

"Oh, crap." replied Hunter. "What the hell are we gonna use to plug up a gap that big?"

"Maybe we can use-" began Melina.

"YOU!" exclaimed Dave, pointing towards Hunter.

"Me? Whaddya mean me?" he demanded. "HEY!" he cried while Dave shoved him through the window.

"There you go." Dave replied proudly.

Melina glared at him and muttered, "Fluencia arrogante, mandona!"

"DAVE!" Hunter cried from outside. "I'm gonna kill him-hey, wait. There's oxygen out here. There's plenty of air out here. Jericho, you made up all that 'running outta oxygen or else we'll die', crap, didn't you?" he called to him.

"GOOD ANSWER! I GOT YOU GOOD, DIDN'T I?" he asked.

"AW, A TURKEY COULD COME UP WITH BETTER PRANKS THAN YOU!" Hunter exclaimed back.

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, they finally exited the ship and met up with Jericho...<p>

"Ok, peoples. That first challenge was just a warm up for your next one. And since Melina and Dave found a solution to the last problem, they get to choose who gets to go in order for the next one." he explained.

"Fine. We should have, you, then me, then-" began Melina.

"Uh, bup bup! Who's the leader here?" asked Dave.

She sighed. "You are, but listen!"

"No, you listen to me. You're my assistant, and only my assistant. I make up the rules and you follow them, is that understood?"

She tried not to scream at him, but said, "Fine."

"Ok, here's the plan. Hunter goes first, then Shawn, then Mickie, then Melina, and then me. To show you all who's boss." Dave announced.

"Well, I'm glad you came to that decision because your second challenge is called...the Barfinator!" Jericho exclaimed, revealing another machine.

"Heh?" Dave asked, confused.

"Ok, well, you guys have to stay in here while it spins you around and around and around. Thing is, you're most likely gonna blow chunks in there and there's nothing we can do about it. If you barf, the ride's over for you. Whoever stays in there the longest, will win invincibility. So Dave, since you decided to go last, looks like you might have to deal with a messy ride after all."

"Crap." he muttered while Melina shook her head.

"So Hunter, you're first!" exclaimed Jericho.

"All righty then. See you all in the winners circle." he replied, going inside.

"Ooh, spacy." he said, looking inside, strapping himself in. "Hey, what's this?" he asked, picking something up. "Wait...oh no it's a stink bomb. Uh, Jericho, hold on."

"Nope!" he exclaimed happily, starting the machine.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA!" Hunter exclaimed from inside while the stink bomb ended up exploding.

"If you wanna quit, just come out!" called Jericho.

A few seconds later, Hunter stumbled out of the machine and breathed in fresh air. "Holy crap!" he exclaimed.

"Dude!" exclaimed Shawn. "What'd you do?"

"I found a stink bomb in there and before I could get rid of it, Jericho started the machine! You put that in there, didn't you, Jericho?" he asked.

"Uh huh." he replied. "Well, Shawn, if you can beat 25 seconds, you get the new lead time."

"Yeah yeah, don't worry about a thing." he replied, going inside. "Oh, GOD!" he cried.

"Oh yeah, and there still might be some fumes lingering around in there!" Jericho exclaimed.

Shawn glared at him and went back inside.

"And...here we go!" Jericho said, starting the machine.

"Hey! HEY! HOLD ON, THIS IS OUTTA CONTROL!" Shawn exclaimed from the inside.

"I hope those fumes don't kill him." Mickie replied.

"It's all Jericho's fault." replied Hunter. "Like usual."

Then, he was the one who heaved inside first.

"Oh, God." Dave said in despair.

"And we have our first victim!" exclaimed Jericho.

When the ride stopped, Shawn stumbled out, totally dazed.

"Shawn, you ok?" asked Mickie.

"If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Where's the peck of the pick-pickle-peck-" he babbled.

"Shawn, are you in or out of it, man?" Hunter demanded.

*THUMP!* he fell out.

"He's out." concluded Hunter.

"Well, Mickie, you're up!" announced Jericho.

She took a look inside and said, "Oh, goody. Ok, it's for the money, remember that, Mickie."

Once she went inside, Jericho called, "HERE WE GO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed in terror.

"Hang in there, Mickie!" Hunter called while Shawn was still unconscious.

"You can do it!" exclaimed Melina.

"Don't cheer for the enemy!" exclaimed Dave.

"Yeah, why are you cheering for the enemy, Mel?" Hunter asked suspiciously.

"Huh?" she asked.

"Listen, I know what's going on." he replied. "You've been hanging out with Dave here for quite a lot of time. Is there something you're not telling the rest of us?"

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Melina: "I'm screwed."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Uh, about that, listen-" she began.<p>

"Mel! We trusted you and after all this time you join HIM?" he demanded. "I'm disgusted!"

"Hunter, just listen to me!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, she's on the winning side now." Dave said with a smile. "She realized that being on your little alliance didn't help her out at all, but with me, she's getting the royal treatment. Sorry for your loss, dude." Dave said evilly.

While Hunter glared at Melina in shock, she was about to say something, until Mickie slammed the machine door open.

"Uh, Mickie?" asked Melina.

"...I...blew chunks in there." she said, extremely dizzy. "Now if you'll excuse me...!" she cried, going behind a tree.

"Wow, I'm impressed." said Jericho. "She lasted in there for a minute and 10 seconds! Now, who's gonna try and beat that impressive time?"

"Melina, I don't know what to say anymore. I'm disappointed." said Hunter.

"No, listen. I'm going on that ride next, and Dave, you can't stop me anymore!" Melina exclaimed.

"What? You can't go on there! We made a deal that neither of us were going on that thing!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, well, the deal's off!" she exclaimed, going inside. "Start the ride, Jericho!"

"I love this job." he said with a smile, starting the ride. "If you beat a minute ten, you're in the lead!"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed from inside.

Meanwhile, Shawn woke up and joined them. "Hey, what'd I miss?" he asked.

"I got the highest score so far." Mickie said with a half smile.

"And a certain someone in there decided to betray us." announced Hunter.

"Huh?" asked Shawn and Mickie.

"Yeah, when we thought that Melina was in an alliance with Dave, we turned out to be right!" he exclaimed.

"What?" Mickie cried.

"You mean, she's been using us to get to his side?" asked Shawn.

"That's right." Dave said with a smile. "Like I said, one by one, your little alliance will fall. Just give it some time and I'll be the last one standing."

"Oh, you...go piss off to your lawyers!" Hunter exclaimed.

"Will do." he replied, calling a number. "Johnson? I have some complaints...Hello?"

"I can't believe she'd betray us like that." Mickie said, still surprised.

"You think you know a person." agreed Shawn.

Meanwhile, Melina stumbled out of the ride and said, "So, did I win?"

"Ooh, so close, but no cigar." replied Jericho.

"Huh?" she asked.

"You stayed in there for a while, but you got a minute and nine seconds." he replied.

"So you're saying if I stayed in there for two more seconds I could've won?" she demanded.

"Uh huh. Which means that Mickie, my friend, you get invincibility for today!" he exclaimed. "Unless you want to go, Dave?"

"I wouldn't be caught dead in that puke-ridden machine. Johnson, damn it, answer me!" he exclaimed.

"Ok, Mickie, the prize's yours!" he exclaimed.

"Yes!" she exclaimed happily.

"Great job, Mickie!" replied Shawn.

"Yeah, great job." Hunter said, glaring at Melina.

Sad, she looked down instead.

* * *

><p>Later...<p>

Melina stormed past the guys' trailer when Dave stopped her.

"Mel, hold up." he said.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"Listen, we may not have invincibility, and trust me, you should've stayed in there longer than she did, but I can still get us through tonight's elimination. And next time-" he began.

"No, for once, you listen to me. There won't be a next time, Dave. I agreed to this alliance so that we could both get a say in things, but all you're doing is bossing me around, and I'm sick of it!"

"What the hell are you saying?" he demanded.

"What am I saying? I'm saying that I'm done with this silly little alliance. You want to know the real truth? I only joined you, in order to gain your trust, and when the time came, I would've walked out on you. I never wanted to abandon Hunter, Shawn, and Mickie, it was just a plan of mine to join you in order to help them." she continued.

"What?" he demanded.

"And it was a dumb idea to join your side in the first place because guess what? Now they really did think I betrayed them when they don't know the truth!" she exclaimed.

"So, you're really gonna walk away from all I have to offer for you." he said.

"Yeah. If the others'll forgive me. You're on your own now, Dave." she said, storming off.

"Melina!" he called after her, but then, he saw Mickie coming out of Jericho's office. "Hmm."

While she was about to join the others, he stopped her. "Mickie, how's it going?" he asked.

"Why do you care?" she asked.

"Just wondering."

"Ok, well, if you excuse me, I gotta go." she replied.

"Cut the crap, Mickie." interrupted Dave. "I know exactly what's going on."

"Huh?"

"You just came out of Jericho's office. I bet you were just finishing plotting your next move with him." he replied.

"What the hell are you talking about?" she demanded.

"I know what's going on, Mickie. You're throwing challenges! I got everything all pieced together. Last week, the four of us had to compete, while Jericho excuses you from doing anything. Melina and I lost, and Shawn and Hunter won, can you explain that?" he asked.

"Uh, I-" she said nervously.

"And earlier, while we were all trapped in that space ship, the window that you were supposedly standing right next to was fine one minute, but the next, it suddenly broke. What's the deal with that?" he asked.

"I told you, a rock probably crashed through it!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, of course it did." he said sarcastically. "And for the last challenge, Jericho announces that you won and got the longest time. But he said that if anyone puked, the ride was over."

"So, what?" she demanded.

"You puked and he let you stay inside. Just admit it, Mickie, first you join Big Show, and Jericho suddenly invites you back and you're plotting with him. It's only a matter of time before Shawn and Hunter find out." he replied.

"You can't prove anything, Dave. You're just saying all this to make yourself feel all superior! Well heads up. I have invincibility, you don't. If you have a hard time dealing with somebody other than yourself winning for once, that's your problem. Now, excuse me." she said, storming past him.

Dave chuckled and said, "All righty then."

* * *

><p>At the elimination ceremony...<p>

"Ok, plonkers, it's our favorite time of the day, elimination time!" announced Jericho. "You all know the drill, cast our votes and let's get somebody outta here!"

After a few minutes, everyone cast their votes.

"And...time's up! Here are your results. Mickie, Shawn, and Hunter, you're all through to the final 4!" he exclaimed, handing them awards.

"Oh, here we go." Dave said seriously.

"Ok, Dave and Melina. One of you advances to the final 4 and the other one just goes away. The person leaving is..."

Melina knew what was going on, and Dave was determined not to leave.

"Melina." he finished, handing Dave an award.

She sighed. "Fine. So, you guys did it, huh?" she asked.

"Mel, how could you betray us like that?" asked Mickie. "We trusted you!"

"Yeah, the alliance promised to stick together!" agreed Shawn.

"Remember what we said when we all started this whole thing? If anyone backs out of the alliance, they're out. It's what we had to do." finished Hunter.

"Well, you'll love hearing this. I never really joined Dave's alliance! It was just a plan of mine, to get on his good side, win his trust, and when the time came, I was gonna leave him! I only did this to help you guys get Dave off! I'd never leave you guys on purpose!" she exclaimed.

The three looked shocked.

"What?" asked Shawn. "Why didn't-"

"I didn't want to tell you guys or else the plan would be ruined and Dave would know everything. And I didn't want you guys to think that I was betraying you, but it's too late for that." she replied.

"Oh, my God. Mel, we didn't know. We're so sorry." Mickie said sincerely.

"Yeah, I mean really. If we knew that was the case...jeez." Hunter said, guilty.

"It's ok, I'm not mad at you guys." she replied. "At least I get to see Randy again back home."

"Oh, isn't that nice." Shawn said dully. "But seriously, Mel, can you forgive us?"

She smiled. "Sure." she replied as they all shared a group hug. "Bye, Dave. Good luck on your own." she said, hopping into the Lambo.

While it drove off, Hunter said, "Well, Dave, how's it feel to be all on your own again?"

"Doesn't bother me." he replied. "I'm quite surprised at you guys, actually."

"Why's that?" asked Shawn.

"See, I never had invincibility today, so you could've easily voted me off. But since you three were so mad at Melina and voted her off instead, I'm still staying." he said with a smile.

Shocked, the three just stared at him.

"See you later, people." he replied. "I got a nice rewarding spa to get to."

"DAMN IT!" Hunter cried, frustrated. "This guy's good. Too good. He tricked us into getting rid of Melina, he's in the top 4 with us, I'd hate to say it, but he might end up outsmarting all of us!"

"We can't think that way, Hunter!" replied Mickie. "You're right, we're in the top 4 now, which means we gotta step up our game!"

"She's right. Playtime's over for him and we gotta do everything we possibly can to get him back." agreed Shawn.

"True. Well, Dave, show us what you got. We're ready for you." Hunter replied.

"Hey, someone better get this pancake gum outta here before I do!" Dave called.

"HEY!" cried Shawn. "Keep your grimy little paws off of my gum!"

"We better follow him before someone gets hurt." replied Hunter.


	31. Episode 27

Total WWE Action!: Chris Jericho's Animal House

Episode 27

"What's good, my peoples? The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla, Chris Jericho here with another insane episode of TWA coming up next! Last week, our castmates woke up for a late night outer space theme! First, the gang had to hop in this space ship roller coaster. Things were fine, but Melina was pissed off with Dave bossing her around. If things weren't bad enough, rising suspicions about her came from the rest of the Anti-Dave alliance, but would they find out anything yet? After little sleep, the alarm went off, signaling trouble! After knowing that the ship was broken, they had to act fast. After stopping the ship from total destruction, we needed a little more drama, right, so the window _somehow _got broken, and the gang had to find some way to fix things before they were totaled! After quick thinking from Dave and little help from Melina, they used Hunter to save the day, and all was fine and dandy, until the next challenge. Dave ultimately selected who'd go first and last in their next challenge, which was to ride in the barfinator! After choosing to go last, Dave screwed himself big time! Then, it was time for the fun to begin! Hunter was up first, but didn't last long in there after finding a stink bomb inside! Shawn dared to go in next, and with the toxic fumes still lingering around, he was the first to blow chunks, and it didn't go well for him. Mickie was third and lasted for a whopping minute and ten seconds, but after some accusations against Melina from Hunter, Melina decided not to follow Dave's rules anymore and go in the ride next. Unfortunately, she made it out just under Mickie's time. Since Dave refused to go last, Mickie was the winner of invincibility, but Dave thought otherwise. Later, Melina decided to split things up with Dave, and Dave tried to give Mickie the ultimatum, but she wasn't hearing it! After the accusations, the Anti-Dave alliance was forced to eliminate Melina next, before finding out Melina's real plan. and after that, Mickie, Shawn, and Hunter declared war against Dave! This week, what will be in store for our final 4? And will Dave ever reveal Mickie's secret to the rest of the Anti-Dave alliance? Find out this week on Total...WWE...Island!"

* * *

><p>It was another day at the set of TWA, and everyone was in the kitchen for breakfast...<p>

"So, what's for breakfast today?" asked Hunter. "Rotten fruit? Tree bark? Dirt?"

"Nah, it'll be decent this time." replied Big Show, giving them all scrambled eggs. "Enjoy them. They're my delicacy."

"YUM!" Hunter exclaimed.

"Hunter, hold on, we don't know what he did with that stuff." replied Shawn. For all we know, he could've used it to unclog his toilet!"

"Whoa. In that case, I'm bailing out." Mickie said quickly, ditching her breakfast.

"Now guys, calm down." replied Hunter. "It actually looks edible! A little bite wouldn't hurt." he replied, trying some.

"He's gonna explode..." Shawn replied.

"Hmm. Mmm!" he exclaimed. "Hey, this crap's pretty good!"

Then, the stuff had a weird taste to it.

"...Oh, *BLEEP!*" Hunter exclaimed, spitting the stuff out. "What the hell was in that crap?"

"Robitussin!" Big Show exclaimed.

"Damn him!" Hunter exclaimed, then looking at Shawn, who was shaking his head towards him. "What?"

"Shame on you, Hunter! Cursing like that!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, please, dude, like you haven't ever cursed before?" asked Hunter.

"Well...in the...past. But I'm a good Christian man, I've changed for the better!" he exclaimed.

"So, I got an idea. Let's have a bet. If you curse in any way during the next 48 hours, you owe me...$500 bucks." said Hunter.

"All right, sounds fair. And if I don't curse, which I won't, you owe me, $501 bucks." Shawn replied.

"A BUCK?" demanded Hunter. "You went up by a buck? Again?"

"What is it with you and one dollar bills, Shawn?" asked Mickie.

"They're fun!" he exclaimed. "So the deal's on. Anyway, can you believe we're this close to the million bucks?"

"Insane!" agreed Hunter. "The only thing standing in between us three and the million bucks is-"

"Hello, all." Dave greeted, joining them.

"You." Hunter finished dully.

"Mmm, this ham, imported french toast, bacon, rare grapefruit and fresh orange juice breakfast is just what I need to beat you all." he said contently.

The three stared at him angrily.

"And I see we're having the scrambled eggs, hmm, with Robitussin, that's new." he replied.

"Listen man, don't you have anything better to do than to rub your fancy breakfast in our faces?" demanded Shawn.

"No. I'm just glad I only have a matter of days before I become one million dollars richer." he said with a smile, thinking about what would happen if he'd won...

_Dream..._

Dave was sitting on a huge throne, and money was raining down around him. Jericho handed him a check for a million bucks, and he snatched it and shoved him away. Meanwhile, Hunter, Shawn, and Mickie were all like his slaves, all moving the throne around while Dave smiled contently.

_Back to today..._

The three stared at him.

"Oh, PUH-LEASE!" exclaimed Shawn. "That's the dumbest fantasy I've ever heard!"

"Yeah, really!" exclaimed Mickie. "Now if you'd finally get eliminated, here's how things would go down..."

_Dream..._

Shawn, Hunter, and Mickie were all twirling around in excitement while Dave was trapped in a cage. They danced around, while Jericho happily handed them all treats. When he reached over to kiss Mickie, she smiled and shoved him away, and then balloons dropped down while they kept celebrating.

_Back to today..._

"Haha, that's why it's a fantasy. It's not gonna happen anytime soon." Dave said with a chuckle. "Now you, Mickie. You of all people should be worried about leaving sometime soon."

She looked worried. "What?" she asked quickly.

"What the hell are you talking about, Dave?" asked Hunter.

"I'm just saying that...maybe some people here know a bit more than others. Don't you agree, Mickie?" he asked.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about." she said seriously, even though she did know.

"Sure, you don't. I'm watching you, remember that." he said seriously, getting up to get a drink.

Mickie just glared at him while Shawn said, "Ok...what was that about?"

"Uh, I don't know. He's probably just trying to scare me since I'm the only girl left." she replied quickly.

"Well, don't worry about him, the Anti-Dave alliance sticks together until he's outta here. Don't let him scare you." replied Hunter.

"I won't." she replied with a nervous chuckle.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Mickie: "I can't believe he's trying to figure out my secret! I mean, I know what I'm doing is totally wrong, but now that I'm this close to winning, I have to stick with Jericho. I just have to win...even if it means turning on my friends."

Dave: "Oh, I know Mickie's secret, all right. And now I obviously know who I have to eliminate next. Sabotage isn't the way to go, Mickie. Strategy is."

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, a parrot suddenly flew in the room and swooped around, almost bumping into them!<br>"WHEEEEEEEE!" the bird exclaimed.

"WHOA!" cried Shawn. "Watch where you're going! You almost attacked my hat!"

"Hey, isn't that the bird from the Froot Loops box?" asked Hunter.

"If it touches any of my stuff, I'll have to sue it." Dave announced.

"Shut up, Dave." the other three replied.

Then, the bird flew back to Jericho, who joined them. "Hey, my masomorphs! I see you all met my little friend, Juan Valdez." he announced.

"Nice name." Hunter said sarcastically. "Poor little bird must've been desperate to have to hang out with you."

While they laughed, Jericho replied, "At least this bird is smart because he chose me as a friend, so HA!"

"Not really." the bird replied.

"Well, there's your answer!" exclaimed Shawn.

"Aw, what kind of friend are you supposed to be?" Jericho yelled at the parrot.

"Y2Jerk!" it exclaimed.

"Shut up, you squeaking pile of feathers!" he exclaimed at it.

"NO!"

"Ok, so anyways, you guys, congratulations on making it to the top 4!" he announced.

"WHOO!" they cheered.

"Well, it's been a long road and it's almost over, but we're not done yet! In today's challenge, you get to make some new friends! ANIMAL friends! Here's what you have to do. Each of you need to pick an animal, and train it to become like you, or at least be friends with it." he explained.

"Well, that doesn't sound so bad." replied Mickie.

"I'm sure the bad part hasn't happened yet." replied Shawn.

"Ok, so I have the animals which you guys can choose. We have a raccoon, a lizard, a bear, and a shark. Who's taking what?" he asked.

"I got dibs on the lizard!" Hunter exclaimed happily.

"Well, of course you get to choose the easiest one!" exclaimed Dave. "I'll choose..."

"Oh, whoops, too slow, Dave!" exclaimed Shawn. "I'll take the raccoon, thank you very much!"

He growled at him. "Damn it. Ok, I guess I'll have to take..."

"I'll take the bear!" exclaimed Mickie.

"AW, COME ON!" Dave exclaimed, frustrated.

"Hey, even though this bear might attack me, it's still better than the shark!" she exclaimed.

"Well, well, well, Dave, looks like you ARE stuck with the man eating shark, hahaha!" laughed Jericho.

"Aw, shut up, Jericho." he muttered.

"Ok, now that you've got your animals, you got 3 hours to find them and train them, and we'll vote on who trained their animal the best. Now... *BLOWS WHISTLE*"

"OW!" they all cried, speeding away.

"Don't rupture my eardrum, you jerk!" Hunter called back.

"HAHA!" laughed Jericho. *parrot bites him* "OW, you PARASITE! What'd you do that for?"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" the parrot laughed, flying away.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Hunter: "Aw, now seriously, catching a lizard and training it to be like me? This is probably gonna be the easiest thing I've ever done here!"

-Back Outside-

* * *

><p>"Ok, now if I were a lizard, where the hell would I be?" he asked, looking around.<p>

Then, he caught the lizard up on a tree branch.

"Bingo." he smiled. "Hey, little dude! Uh, I need to capture you so you can be my new friend. Can you come down?"

It just looked at him.

"Come on, I'm friendly!" he called back.

It looked at him.

"...Please?" he asked.

It still looked at him.

"So..." he began.

Then, the lizard saw a bug fly around, and the lizard leaped straight for it, but ended up landing on his face instead.

The lizard fell off and Hunter grabbed it before it got away.

"Well, that went well! Come on, little dude, let's go." he replied, heading off.

The lizard stuck his tongue out at him.

"HEY! You're not gonna make this easy, are you?" he asked, glaring at it.

Meanwhile, Shawn was in the forest searching for a raccoon...

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Shawn: "Ok, this challenge is all mine. Let's look at the stats. I've been in the top 4 last year, and this year I SURELY don't plan on getting eliminated at this point, I've done this exact same kind of challenge last year, remember? You know, when Orton got shot with that tranquilizer gun? And I had no problem capturing a raccoon because it found me! This year won't be any different!"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Hello? Anybody home?" he called. "Any furry raccoons in particular?"<p>

Then, one peeked out from behind a tree, smiled, and sped towards him.

"Sweet! Come to Shawn, little-hey, wait, I remember you! You're that raccoon I captured last year, right?" he asked.

As a reply, it chittered and hugged him.

"Haha, nice to see you, too!" he exclaimed. "Ok. Ok, you can let me go. Please let me go...Listen, I'm happily married, remember? You can't have me!" he exclaimed while they headed back to Jericho.

Meanwhile, Dave was in the water, forced to find a shark...

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Dave: The nerve of them all! They all have to take the easy animals and I get a goddamn shark? I'd call my lawyer right about now, but I won't. I'm this close to the big mil, and I'll do whatever it takes to win."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Ok, shark? Get out here!" he called.<p>

Nothing happened.

"I said, NOW!" he exclaimed.

No reply.

"Don't make me count to three. 1...2..."

Then, one peeked out, but it wasn't in a good mood.

"Good. Now listen to me. I need to train you to be like me so that I can win this thing." he explained.

The shark just glared at him.

"If you cooperate, I'll pay you money. And a lot of it." he replied.

No reply.

"Uh, HELLO? I just offered you cash and you're just sitting there? DO SOMETHING!" he cried angrily.

Then, the shark slapped Dave with its back fin, knocking him down!

"OW!" he cried, sitting up. "What the hell was that for?"

As a reply, the shark laughed.

"You think this is funny? Ok, you want to scrapple with me? Bring it! I'm not afraid of you!" he exclaimed, getting ready to fight.

Then, the shark smiled and then tackled him to the ground!

Meanwhile, Mickie was in the forest searching for a bear...

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Mickie: "Ok, maybe choosing the bear was a bit too dangerous. But anything's better than the shark, right? Maybe I can train my bear to help me do some more sabotaging. I've managed to do a lot on my own already. Just last night, Jericho told me to tape that uh, picture of him from the Christmas party above Shawn's bed..."

_Flashback..._

He climbed into bed and opened his eyes to find the picture of Jericho.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" he screamed, falling out of bed.

_Back to today..._

"...Give Hunter a wake up call..."

_Flashback..._

He walked out of the guys trailer, where a bucket of water was on the edge of the door. When he opened the door, the water and the bucket fell on his head. Saying nothing, Hunter casually turned around and walked back inside.

_Back to today..._

"...and gave Dave a makeover!"

_Flashback..._

Dave woke up to find paint all over his face, and the sight made the mirror break!

_Back to today..._

"So, as you can see, I've been busy."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"Um, hello?" she called. "Anyone here?"<p>

Then, to her surprise, a bear appeared breathing down her neck.

She slowly turned around and was face to face with the bear.

"AAH! Uh, hi, there. Listen, I need your help. I have to train you, ok? It's for a contest, and I really want to win this. So as long as you don't scratch, bite, or eat me in any way, we could be a really great team. Whaddya say?" she asked.

The bear shrugged and put her on his back for a ride.

"Wow! Well, atta boy! Let's go!" she exclaimed, heading off.

Later, they trained their animals the best way they could, and it was time to be judged by Jericho...

"Ok, my plonkers! It's time to show off what you and your animal friends accomplished in the last 3 hours. Shawn, you're up first." announced Jericho.

"Ok. Shawna, roll over." he commanded.

"Shawna?" asked Hunter.

"It's a choice!" he exclaimed.

The raccoon rolled over.

"Ok, now do that flippy trick I taught you." he replied.

It did a cool flip in the air.

"Ok, very good-" began Jericho.

"Ok, now play the drums." he commanded.

To everyone surprise, the raccoon played the drums like a pro!

"Whoa." Hunter and Mickie said in shock.

"Ok, that's good enough, thank you-" began Jericho.

"And now *whispers something to raccoon*" said Shawn.

Then, the raccoon was about to attack Jericho, but he stopped it just in time!

"AAAAHH! ALL RIGHT, I GET THE DAMN POINT!" he shouted. "You get 10/10 points, ok?"

"Well, thanks!" he exclaimed while the raccoon clung onto him.

"Ok, Mickie, let's see what you and your bear have in store." he announced.

"Ok, watch this." she said, putting on some music.

Then, her and the bear did a simple coreagraphed dance, which ended with the bear tossing her in the air, but he missed when he was supposed to catch her, while she fell to the ground.

"OW!" she exclaimed.

"Ooh!" winced Hunter and Shawn.

"So how was that?" she asked weakly.

"Not bad, not bad. Could use a little more work, but I'll give you a 7/10 from the kindness of my little Jericho heart." he replied. "Ok, Hunter, what do you and your lizard have to show us?"

"Ok, this took a little time, but I think we got this." he said, setting the lizard on a small pool of water. "Ok, little dude, do exactly what we practiced."

The lizard just looked back at him.

"Come on, come on! Do it!" he exclaimed, excited.

The lizard kept looking back at him.

"Do it, or else." he said threateningly.

The lizard rolled its eyes and then sped ACROSS the water!

"Whoa!" everyone exclaimed.

"See? Great job, little dude!" he exclaimed.

As a reply, the lizard stuck out its tongue again, striking his eye.

"OW!" he exclaimed. "Is that the thanks I get for everything I've done?" he demanded.

"Ok, ok, that was actually pretty decent." replied Jericho. "I'll give you an 8/10. So...anyone seen Dave and his shark?"

"Maybe that shark did us a favor and got rid of him." replied Shawn.

"Nice try, but I'm still here." Dave (who was soaking wet) said, joining them.

"What the hell happened to you?" asked Jericho.

"I tried to negotiate with the shark, but it's HIS fault for not listening to me!" he exclaimed.

Then, the shark and two of its buddies dragged him back towards the water.

"What the-? UNHAND ME! LET ME GO!" he cried, being dragged away.

Everyone stared at him.

"Ok...0/10 points!" Jericho exclaimed happily.

"Well, that ends that." he announced.

"So, since we got a perfect score, we won, right?" asked Shawn.

"Not quite yet." he replied.

"HEH?" he demanded.

"That was only part 1, to help you get to know your animal friends. Part 2 of your challenge, well...follow me." he replied, later leading them into the middle of a forest. Now you're all far away from civilization, and your jobs are to find your way back to home base. Whoever reaches back first wins! Got it?" he asked.

"So, don't we get a map or something at least?" asked Mickie.

"Hahaha, no way. You parasites are all on your own! *whistles* Have fun!" he called while a caddy picked him up and drove him away.

"He ditched us again." announced Shawn. "He really doesn't give a dam-"

Hunter smirked towards him. "What was that, Shawn? Did you say Damn?"

"No! I said, He really doesn't give a-a dancing banana about us!" he said quickly.

"Uh huh. Remember, one bad word comes out of you, $500 bucks comes to me. Later you guys." he said, heading off with his lizard.

"Don't you guys think this bet is pretty pointless?" asked Mickie.

"It may be, but I gotta prove to Hunter that I can go 48 hours without cursing. And I think I've done a pretty good job so far." Shawn replied.

Then, he slowly turned around to find Mickie's bear breathing down his neck.

"Uh, hello." he said nervously, shielding the raccoon.

"Don't be afraid, I'll make sure he won't hurt anyone. Well, we better get going. See you later!" Mickie said, leading the bear away.

"U-Uh huh." Shawn said, scared of the bear.

The castmates and their animals were searching for civilization for what seemed like forever...

"So, you see any trace of home base yet?" Mickie asked the bear.

It shook its head no.

"This is bad, very bad." she said, worried. "It's starting to get a little dark out here. We gotta find our way back before it's pitch black out here! And when that happens, we'll never find our way back! And if that happens-" she babbled.

"HMM!" growled the bear.

"Huh?" she asked.

The bear pointed to Hunter and his lizard heading in another direction.

"Hey, it's Hunter!" she exclaimed. "Hu-" she began once the bear signaled for her to be quiet. "What?-Oh, you're right! I gotta win this. We need to find a plan to keep the others here for a while so that we could reach home base first, right? So, what should we do?"

The bear smiled and thought of a plan...

Meanwhile...

Back in the water, Dave was still trapped with the shark and its friends.

"AAH!" he cried, powerbombing one shark to the ground. "Now any of you want a piece of me?"

The other two sharks headed towards him, while he fought them both off the best way he could. "Ok, weaklings, haha. Now maybe you'll all listen to me. You cost me the first challenge, and I have no idea where Jericho and the others are, so you're all gonna get your asses in gear and we're gonna catch up to them, mostly so I can reveal Mickie for the cheater that she is. Now, follow me." he said.

The sharks didn't follow him.

He turned around. "Don't make me say it again." he said threateningly.

One shark stuck his tongue out at him.

"Ok, I don't think I can just sue people, because I can sue sharks, too! Just wait until my lawyer hears about this!" he exclaimed, searching for his daily planner. "Hey, where's my planner?"

One shark giggled and held it up.

Dave was infuriated. "Aw, hell no. I swear, you better give me that damn thing before I kill you all."

The sharks laughed and kept it away from him.

"That does it. AAH!" he shouted, charging to attack them.

Only, once he reached the sharks, they quickly moved out of the way, just in time for Dave to fall down a waterfall!

"NOOOOOOOOO!" he cried, falling down.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Dave: "Well, chalk another lawsuit up for Jericho. Thanks to him and his challenge, my $100,000 planner is destroyed! There's no way anyone's getting away with this."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Later, it was getting darker out, and nobody found home base yet...<p>

Shawn and the raccoon searched, but found nothing...

"So, Shawna. There won't be any man eating creatures of the night out here, will there?" he asked nervously. "Because I don't think we're getting outta this forest!"

As a reply, the raccoon chittered, and led Shawn to a different direction. "Well, ok, you're the boss. Lead the way!" he exclaimed.

A few minutes later, the raccoon led him into this small hideout, where he met a whole bunch of other raccoons.

"Uh..." Shawn said, stunned.

Then, in raccoon language, it told everyone there that he was her new boyfriend and that he came to live there with them.

As a reply, all the other raccoons chittered in delight and made him feel more at home.

"Uh, well, thank you guys! I don't know what's going on, but I like it!" he exclaimed, relaxing. When he glanced over, he saw a gate leading to the set of TAA! "Well, glory be! Shawna, look! You helped us find home base, let's go!"

The other raccoons tried to get him to stay.

"Listen, guys, as much as I'd love to stay, we gotta get back and win a challenge. I'm sorry. C'mon!" he said, speeding off with the raccoon.

Meanwhile...

Hunter and his lizard were still searching, when they'd run into an unexpected trap...

"Ok, little dude, you have any ideas how we can get outta here?" he asked it.

As a reply. the lizard just stared back at him.

"Ok, really. Are you just gonna stare at me like that all day?" he demanded.

*stares*

"I've been working my ass off to try and get you to cooperate, but NO! Well, guess what? I'm bigger, taller, and stronger than you, so you gotta do whatever I say. Ha, ha, ha." he said with an evil smile.

Then, seeing another bug again, the lizard slithered out of his reach and sped towards this dark area of the woods.

"HEY! STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM ME!" Hunter exclaimed, chasing after the lizard.

He leapt into the dark area of the forest and caught the lizard before...

"HA! Gotcha!" he exclaimed. "Now, you will not escape from me again. Let's go." he said right before a truckload of papers and things fell on top of them, trapping them!

"...Oh, crap." Hunter said from inside.

From a distance, Mickie and the bear saw what happened.

"It worked! The office supply trap really worked!" she exclaimed, giving the bear a high five. "C'mon, let's go!"

Right before they left, a tree fell right by them, and its branches trapped them inside!

"Aw." Mickie said, defeated.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Mickie: "Karma really is a bitch, ain't it?"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>So, 2 days went by and the remaining castmates finally made it back to home base!<p>

"Hey, everyone!" greeted Shawn. "Where the hel-heck have you all been for the last 2 days? I was getting pretty lonely over here."

"Don't ask." Dave said, angry.

"Well, for some reason me and my lizard got trapped by office supplies but we managed to dig our way out." replied Hunter.

"Uh, and my bear and I got trapped by a tree, but the good thing is, we're all back safe and sound!" Mickie exclaimed nervously while Dave glared at her.

"Uh huh." he said dully.

"So, Dave, where've you been?" asked Hunter. "Have fun on your play date with your sharky friends?"

"Those damn things broke my daily planner!" he exclaimed angrily. "Now how am I gonna sue people?"

"Haha, well, how the mighty have fallen, dude." laughed Shawn. While he walked around, he stubbed his foot on a piece of wood sticking out of the ground.

"OW, *BLEEP!*" he exclaimed.

Everyone else gasped.

"Ok, what the *BLEEP* is a *BLEEP*-ing piece of wood doing in the middle of the *BLEEP*-ing road, I tell ya? *BLEEP* can't you put some kind of warning sign around here first before someone breaks their *BLEEP*-ing foot?" he demanded.

Everyone just stared at him in shock.

"Wow, Shawn, I didn't know you had it in ya!" Hunter exclaimed. "Great job!"

"Yeah! It felt good!" he agreed. "So, I don't owe you any money, do I? The 48 hours are up."

"Hmm, nah. Well, I still want you to give me a dollar, though." replied Hunter.

"I'm never doing this again." he said seriously.

"Uh, did I come out at a bad time?" Jericho asked, shocked.

"Eh, get on with it." replied Hunter.

"Ok. Well, since it took you parasites so damned long to make it back here and it only took Shawn a matter of hours, he wins today's challenge!" he announced.

"YES!" he exclaimed, high fiving the raccoon.

While Mickie and Hunter congratulated him, Dave was furious. "Aw, COME ON! I didn't even get to be in that challenge! That's totally unfair!" he exclaimed. "Isn't there a rule about any of this?"

"Hmm, nope, doesn't say so in the fine print." Jericho replied.

"No way! I-" he began, when an intern came and handed him a phone. "Oh, hello?...yeah...uh huh...oh, really? I KNEW IT!...Ok, I'll tell them right now." he said with a sick smile.

Mickie, Hunter, and Shawn looked surprised.

"So, who was that?" asked Jericho.

"My lawyer, Johnson. He just gave me the proof that I've been waiting for. People, your little friend Mickie here is a cheater!" he announced.

She gasped, and Jericho tried to hide.

"What?" Hunter asked, shocked.

"Here's what's been going on for the past few weeks. The reason she even returned in the first place was because Jericho here hired her back to sabotage us all so that she could win her way to the top." he explained.

"Is this true?" asked Hunter.

"I-I-yes." Mickie said sadly.

"What about you, Jericho?" demanded Shawn.

"Uh, oh, whoops, I forgot, Big Show and I are having a clambake in a few minutes! See ya!" he exclaimed, but Dave held him there. "LET ME GO, YOU PARASITE!" he exclaimed.

"So, D-Generation X, your little friend here's been throwing challenges ever since and she kept it all from you. How do you feel about that?" Dave asked with a smile.

"I don't know what to say anymore." replied Hunter.

"Is there anyone who won't turn on us?" asked Shawn. "First Melina, now you of all people, Mickie?"

"Guys, I didn't know what I got myself into, ok? I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, running into her trailer.

"Uh huh. And what'd I say? Your little alliance went down from like 5 to just 2 in a matter of weeks. See ya." Dave said, heading off.

"And what do YOU have to say about this, Jericho?" demanded Hunter. "This is your fault!"

"Uh, uh, I say, it's time to get somebody the hell outta here! To the elimination ceremony!" he exclaimed, shoving the two ahead.

* * *

><p>Later, everyone headed to the elimination ceremony for another elimination...<p>

"Ok, people. It's been a very long day, so let's get to the voting, shall we?" Jericho asked.

Everyone used their voting thingies and then...

"Time's up! And here are the results. Hunter, Shawn, you two advance!" he exclaimed, handing them awards.

Dave smiled contently while Mickie looked scared.

"And the last award goes to...Mickie." he replied.

She gasped happily while Dave looked shocked.

"...WHAT?" he demanded. "Give me a damn award, Jericho, I mean it! This isn't funny!"

"I'm not kidding, dude. All the votes went to you." he replied.

Dave angrily whipped around to face them all. "So, after all this, you still decide to keep the cheater in this competition?" he demanded.

"Hey, you call her a cheater, we still call her our friend." replied Shawn.

Mickie smiled.

"Yeah, she made a mistake, so what? We wouldn't pass up a chance to vote you over her, and that's what we did." replied Hunter.

Dave just growled.

"Bye bye, Davey!" exclaimed Shawn.

"Ok, ok. You know what? I'll be back soon. And I'll be back with my lawyers, too, you know why? Because I'm the Animal, Dave Ba-" he began while the car door slammed in his face.

"Well, we finally did it!" exclaimed Mickie. "He's gone!"

"Yeah, let's celebrate with some banana sticks!" exclaimed Shawn.

"Uh, hold on, I'm not done yet. Mickie, you're not a very good spy if Dave was able to find out about us so easily." Jericho replied.

"So what are you saying?" she asked.

"I'm firing you from the job." he said, taking her award.

"Wha? Firing me? You mean, I'm eliminated, too?" she demanded.

"What kind of bull crap is this, Jericho?" demanded Hunter.

"Oh, well." he replied.

"Hey, hold on, don't freak out at him." she replied. "I deserve to go for not playing fair. It's ok."

"Hold on, we've been meaning to give this to you." Shawn said, handing her a DX T-Shirt.

"Awesome! What's this for?" she asked happily.

"It's a present for being an honorary member of D-Generation X!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Aww, you guys are the best! Thanks!" she exclaimed, giving them hugs.

"Well, that's it, we're up to the final...2. Oh, God, no." Jericho said, scared. "I never thought this would happen. With Mickie and Dave out, Shawn and Hunter advance to the finals. DX, who I thought would be eliminated weeks ago, are in the final 2!" he exclaimed.

They lit up.

"Did he just say that we're in the finals?" asked Shawn.

"He said we're in the finals!" exclaimed Hunter.

"WE'RE IN THE FINALS!" they both exclaimed, giving each other a hug.

"Great job, you guys!" exclaimed Mickie.

While Shawn and Hunter celebrated, Jericho sadly said, "Well, everyone, join us next week for the most controversial, unpredictable, who-knows-what's gonna-happen, much anticipated season finale of Total WWE Action."

"WHOO!-YEAH!" the guys shouted in the background.

"Bye...OH, DEAR GOD!" Jericho sobbed uncontrollably as he walked off.


	32. Episode 28

**Season Finale pt.1**

Total WWE Action!: A D-Generation X-plosion!

Episode 28

"Hey, parasites and masomorphs alike! The codebreaker, the Madonna of Sports Entertainment, the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla, Y2J, Chris Jericho here! It's a regular day here at TWA, but not just any regular day. After week after week after weeks of challenges and countless eliminations, we finally made it to the moment you've all been waiting for! The season finale of Total WWE Action! First, let's look back to what happened last week. The remaining 4 castmates were in for another crazy challenge when they had to choose their own animal friends to train. Hunter was quick to choose a lizard, Shawn chose a raccoon, something he was familiar with, Mickie chose a bear, which left Dave with the worst of them all, a man eating shark! When it was judging time, Shawn wowed everyone with what he taught his raccoon, giving them a perfect score of 10/10, Mickie and her bear did a little dance, with a painful result, giving them a score of 7/10. Hunter taught his lizard the unthinkable, walking on water! Although there was some more miscommunication between the two, they still managed to get a good solid score of 8/10. Dave, well, he was a little preoccupied at the moment, so he got nothing. Later, the gang's second challenge took place in the wilderness where they and their animals had to find civilization. The hours went by, but after Shawn and his raccoon found a comfy hideout, they were the ones to find home base first! Meanwhile, Dave was faced with not one, not two, but three sharks! He wanted to fight them all, but they had a better idea and stole his daily planner thingy. And Dave was pissed! He demanded to have it back, but instead fell down a waterfall. Meanwhile, Mickie and her bear's plan for sabotage came into action once Hunter and his lizard were trapped under some office supplies! And with that comes a little bit of karma. Yeah, Mickie and her bear got trapped under a tree. After two long days, everyone else finally joined Shawn back at TWA, where HBK won for making it back first! Dave was furious, but before anything else happened, he got proof from his lawyers about Mickie's secret alliance with me! DX was shocked, and Dave was satisfied with all the proof that he needed. But at the elimination ceremony, friends came first as Hunter and Shawn voted Dave off instead of Mickie! The party wasn't over yet, because I had to fire Mickie for selling us both out, making her the last to be eliminated, and in turn, sending Shawn and Hunter into the finals! Both these guys started a war together since the day they arrived, but now that they have to face each other, who will win the $1,000,000? Shawn Michaels, the controversial guy who's had his ups, downs, and downright insane times on the show? Or will it be Triple H, the guy who wouldn't be told what to do, and made his own rules all at the same time? Find out next on the season finale of Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>On the final day on the set, Shawn and Hunter were anxiously awaiting their million dollar challenge...<p>

In the guys' trailer...

"We finally made it, dude, we finally made it!" exclaimed Shawn.

"I know, I know!" agreed Hunter. "Who would've thought the two of us would make it to the top 2?"

"Some coincidence." he agreed.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Shawn: "YEAH, BABY! I knew the second time was the charm! Last year, I was this close to the finals, and this year I made it to the top! Just goes to show that hard work and constantly pestering Jericho around really pays off!"

Hunter: "How awesome is this? D-Generation X, the most controversial alliance that's ever faced this show, makes it to the final 2! So yeah, since the beginning, Shawn and I totally worked together..."

Shawn: "Sure, we had that huge argument that almost got us to kill one another, and got over it and made it to where we are today..."

Hunter: "But with a million bucks at stake, I'll totally make sure not to lose."

Shawn: "But come on, we got a million dollars here! Hunter, I'll make sure to thank you in my celebratory winning speech."

Hunter: "So Shawn, don't wear yourself out, just let me win, ok, dude?"

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>"And the best part of it is, Jericho out there's left alone with just us, his two worst enemies, and there's nobody out there to protect him." he continued.<p>

"Haha, yeah! And I even think that Big Show's had enough of him, too." replied Hunter.

"Really? What do you mean?" asked Shawn.

"From what I heard, Jericho's been getting on Show's last nerve and he's getting sick of him. Only a matter of time before that would happen. Whatever, anyway, Jericho's stuck with us, Orton's out-" he began.

"And MOST importantly, we FINALLY got rid of Dave!" exclaimed Shawn.

"True that!" he agreed happily. "So, I propose a toast. To making it to the finals, competing for a million bucks, and getting rid of Dave."

They toasted their drinks.

"Amen to that!" agreed Shawn.

Then, they were quiet.

"So...pretty quiet in here." he said slowly.

"Yeah." agreed Hunter. "Kinda blows that there's nobody else here to celebrate with us."

"Maybe Jericho'll bring them back here to watch us while we compete. You know, like last year." replied Shawn.

"Maybe. At least then we'll get to rub in the fact to Orton and Dave that we beat the crud outta them." Hunter said with a smirk.

While the guys chuckled, a sleepy bomb broke into their trailer!

"Whoa!" they both exclaimed.

"Hey, is this a bomb?" asked Hunter.

"Aw, COME ON!" exclaimed Shawn. "Is Jericho really trying to kill us today of all days?"

"Hmm, don't think it's an exploding bomb. Maybe it's-" began Hunter.

*BOOM!*

"Easy squeezy lemon peezy." he said, delusional, falling unconscious.

"Hunter! What happ-I like cheesecake." he said delusional, falling unconscious, too!

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Punk and Maria were hosting another segment of the TWA Chatterbox where all of the other eliminated castmates were watching the action...<p>

"Hey, dudes and dudettes, the beautiful Maria here..." began Punk.

"...and the awesome CM Punk here with a special episode of the TWA Chatterbox! Everyone make some noise!" exclaimed Maria.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience cheered.

"Ok, and why is this a special episode?" asked Maria.

"I'm glad you asked, Ria. No, it's not because Dave's finally eliminated..." began Punk.

"HEY!" Dave cried angrily. "I oughta call my lawyers on you for saying that!"

"..but it's because we're down to the final stretch, where either Hunter or Shawn will win the million bucks!" he finished.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they cheered.

"Yep, and we get to watch all the action right here! And before we forget, let's welcome our newest additions, the latest castmates eliminated, Candice Michelle, Kelly Kelly, Melina, and Dave Batista!" announced Maria.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered.

"Are you gonna have time to interview us?" asked Melina. "I've got a lot to say." she said, looking towards Randy.

"What?" he demanded.

"Ok, as much as we'd love to, we don't have any time for any of you." replied Punk.

"Oh, thanks." Candice said sarcastically.

"Ok, so people, any predictions on who'll win?" he asked.

"I have no idea." replied Jeff. "Shawn and Hunter are both pretty even."

"Yeah, it'll be a really tough choice." agreed Kelly. "Too bad Jericho didn't invite any of us to watch them from there, though."

"Yeah, they're Jericho's worst enemies." agreed John. "You'd think Jericho'd at least invite us here so he wouldn't be alone with them. Then again, I'm just glad I'm back with you, Candy."

"I'm glad I'm back with you, too, John." she said with a smile, giving him a kiss.

"AWW!" exclaimed the audience.

"I'm PISSED!" exclaimed Randy. "How could those two of all people, beat ME! Randy Orton?"

"Yeah, this was supposed to be Rated RKO's year to win!" exclaimed Edge. "Frankly, I'm insulted. God."

Meanwhile, Michelle didn't say anything while she gazed at Randy, still thinking about when she learned that Randy lied about Melina and had a crush on her the whole time.

Randy took a look towards her and half smiled back.

"Uh, Randy?" asked Melina.

"Hm?" he asked, still distracted.

"Are you feeling ok? We haven't seen each other in like forever, and you haven't even talked to me! Are we on the same page or what?" she asked.

"Mel, don't worry about anything. Everything's like the way it was before." he said distantly.

"Hmm." she said, unsure.

* * *

><p>Later, Shawn and Hunter groggily woke up, only to find themselves tied to masts on a pirate ship!<p>

"Uh...hey, what the? Shawn? Shawn, wake up, man!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Yeah?..Hey! Wha-where are we?" he demanded.

"I dunno! Looks like we're on a pirate ship or something! How'd we end up here?" he asked.

"Probably Jericho up to his old tricks again." replied Shawn. "How are we gonna get outta these traps?"

"We gotta find a way." Hunter replied, looking around for something to help them.

Then, he caught a pocketknife from the top of the mast. "Bingo! Don't worry, we'll be out soon." he said, setting himself free.

"Thanks, man!" Shawn replied after Hunter get him out.

"So now we gotta figure out how Jericho got us here in the first place." said Hunter.

"Hey, people, we got some food on the way." Big Show said, arriving with a tray of food.

"Uh, aren't you supposed to be eating your weight in twinkies?" asked Hunter.

"Yeah, we don't want to get poisoned by your crap!" agreed Shawn.

"For your information, I actually prepared a great breakfast for you. See?" he said, showing them the tray.

"Wow. Looks like you weren't kidding." replied Hunter. "How do we know you didn't put some toxic substance in em?"

"PANCAKES!" exclaimed Shawn. "Hunter, dude, I think we'll be fine."

"All right. Hey, this doesn't taste half bad!" he exclaimed.

"Good to know. I'm in a good mood today." Big Show replied.

"How come?" asked Shawn.

"Because, Jericho's been getting on my last nerve lately and I'm ignoring him." he replied. "Nice not to hear from him."

"Well, at least you know how we feel!" exclaimed Hunter.

Then, right after they said that, Jericho appeared.

"Crap." the three muttered.

He looked kinda sad, carrying around a tape recorder. "Parasites." he said, glaring at DX.

"Happy to see you too, Jericho." Shawn said, dropping a banana peel on his head.

He ignored it. "Fine. It doesn't bother me now that I've got my new motivational tape with me." he replied.

"Heh?" asked Hunter. "You got some issues, eh, Jericho?"

"NO, Big Show here's ignoring me for no good reason and I don't know why, and frankly, I'm very hurt. So I'm finding comfort in this tape."

_"Hello. My name is Arthur Brewster. I'm going to guide you into getting everything you ever wanted. No matter what the circumstances are, know at this very moment, the power of the universe is in your command. Whatever you want is yours for the asking."_

"How about getting me my money back if you won't get to the damn point?" Jericho said impatiently.

"Let the good man finish!" exclaimed Shawn. "He's the only person on this boat who'll put up with you."

_"Do you want love?"_ the tape asked.

He nodded sadly.

_"Money?"_

He nodded again.

_"Fame?"_

He nodded.

"A life?" Hunter said in a low voice.

While he and Shawn laughed, Jericho glared at them.

_"Repeat after me. I am wonderful!"_

"I am wonderful." he said with hope.

_"I am confident!"_

"I am confident!" he exclaimed, throwing a fist in the air.

_"I can do anything!"_

"I CAN do anything!" he repeated thoughtfully.

_"I am loved."_

"I am loved." he replied.

_"And I am loving!"_

"And I am loving!" he exclaimed proudly.

"I AM HUNGRY!" exclaimed Big Show.

"Oh, SHUT UP!" Jericho replied.

"Well, that was interesting." Shawn declared.

"I feel so much better now. Ok, it pains me to say this, but since I'm happy now, I will. Congratulations on making it to the finals, Shawn and Hunter!" he exclaimed.

"Thanks!" they both exclaimed.

"So as you can both see, we're all on a pirate ship, meaning that your final challenge will be a fun filled pirate danger adventure!" he exclaimed. "You've got a lot in store for you today."

"So, are all the others coming to see us?" asked Hunter.

"Uh, no."

"Aww, why?" Shawn asked, whining.

"Because all the other eliminated castmates are all on Punk and Maria's show in the other studio, watching the action from there." he explained.

"Oh." the two replied, looking at each other.

"So anyways, you'll basically be doing pirate challenges today, with a few surprises along the way. Here's the breakdown. You guys have to clean these bathrooms here on the boat..."

"Uh, why?" asked Shawn.

"...that were last used by Big Show here and a few pirates who had an, uh, lack of fiber if you know what I mean. Uh, and I think I guy just threw up in there, too. He has scurvy." Jericho continued.

"Ew." Hunter winced. "Do we really have to do this?"

"Yes! LIVE WITH IT! Anyway, masomorphs, after making those bathrooms spotless, you then must climb to the top of those masts and get the flag from the top. Once you're finished, you have to race over to these cannons over here, and blast yourselves out where you'll land on the very first set we were on, when you parasites all arrived here. We'll continue on from there. So, READY FOR SOME FUN?" he asked excitedly.

"Uh, I'm still a little uneasy about the whole bathroom thing." Shawn said meekly.

"Three words, you guys. One. Million. Dollars." he said seriously.

Then, Shawn and Hunter immediately glared at each other and said, "Eat my dust." before racing off into the restrooms.

"And they're off!" Jericho exclaimed. "...Ok, how long are you not gonna talk to me, Show?"

"Maybe if you stop bossing me around and making me do embarrassing things." he replied.

"I do NOT do those things! Oh, get rid of that damn twinkie, will ya? And I'll need you to wear this turkey outfit for later on." he replied.

"That's it!" he exclaimed. "If you keep on going on with this, I'll quit!"

Shocked, Jericho made a weird gasping noise.

Meanwhile, inside, the guys were mustering up all their strength to try and clean the filthy restrooms, but who would finish first?

"Ok, calm down, Hunter. You're doing this for the big mil. You can do this." he told himself, cleaning up whatever he could. "Aw, come on! There's a friggin pair of stinky underwear in here!"

In the other room...

Shawn wore one of those cleaning masks and scrubbed the toilet. "Dear God, I feel so soiled in this...this SWAMP! How the heck am I gonna get through this? Hmm. Sounds pretty quiet in the other room. What if Hunter's already finished and already over at the other set? No, as long as my name is Shawn Michaels, I will NOT let him get ahead of me!" he exclaimed, cleaning as fast as he could.

After a few minutes, Hunter ran outside and took a breath of fresh air. "Whoo. Glad that's done. I hope Shawn isn't already over to the other side."

Before he could run off, Big Show came out from the same restroom.

"Uh, sorry, but I had my problem again, you know. You gotta clean back up." he replied.

"WHAT? UGGH! Man, I'm gonna kill you!" Hunter exclaimed, storming back inside. "_WHOA! Show, what the hell have you been eating?"_

"Stuff." he replied.

Then, Shawn rushed out. "Hunter didn't leave, did he?" he asked.

"No." Jericho said, distraught. "He's still *sob* cleaning."

"YES! I'm on my way!" he exclaimed, climbing up the mast to get the flag.

While he climbed, he caught Hunter rushing up to climb the mast next to his.

"Hey, how'd you finish so fast?" demanded Shawn.

"I have my ways." he replied, easily snatching the flag from the top. "Well, see you when I see you!" he exclaimed, rushing to the cannon.

Shawn growled angrily.

Meanwhile, Hunter quickly put on a helmet, leaped into the cannon, and fired himself out.

*BOOM!*

"See you later, Shawny boy!" Hunter called while he was being flown away.

"Not on my watch." Shawn said, snatching the flag and heading towards the cannon, when Jericho was in his way. "Uh, will you move? I'm behind enough as it is!"

"Michaels, Big Show...he took over my role as the host!" he said, sobbing. "What does he even know about hosting? What about me? Why didn't that stupid motivational tape work?"

Then, Shawn casually moved Jericho over to the side, grabbed a helmet, leaped into the cannon, and fired himself out. "WAIT FOR ME!" he cried, flying away.

* * *

><p>Back at the Chatterbox set...<p>

"Well, people, looks like things are heating up pretty quick!" exclaimed Maria. "And it also looks like Jeri-Show's going towards their separate ways, too."

"Thank god for that!" exclaimed Mickie. "I've been manipulated into cheating for the both of them, and look what happened because of it. I keep a bad secret from you guys, and end up getting eliminated twice because of them!"

"Well, I still think you should be ashamed of yourself for what you did." replied Matt. "You'd really go as low as to work for THEM? How sad."

She glared at him. "What? You should talk! You technically cheated and sabotaged Team Raw in that bank heist challenge and got Jeff eliminated all at the same time!" she exclaimed.

"That was a totally different story!" he exclaimed. "I was just trying to teach _him_ that there is a such thing as being in second place, and that I'm the better one in the family!"

Jeff glared at him next. "You know, I still can't believe you had the nerve to do that to me." he said seriously. "Matt, I don't even know who you are anymore."

"Fine with me. I consider us no longer related, anyway." he replied. "Case closed."

Defenseless, Jeff just sighed.

"Sweetie, don't listen to him. I don't know who he is anymore, either. I thought he was our friend." Kelly said sympathetically.

"I know, Kel. It's just gonna be hard for me to accept, that's all." he said, taking her hand.

"Aw, how about-a song-a to cheer-a you up? Ah.." began Santino.

"Oh, please don't." Jeff replied, annoyed.

* * *

><p>Back in the game, Hunter arrived to the set of the gang's very first challenge of the season, while Big Show made it there and followed him there...<p>

"Well, I finally made it. So what do I gotta do?" he asked himself.

"Hey, I'll tell you then." replied Big Show.

"Show? What are you doing here?" asked Hunter.

"As of now, I'm the new host of this thing, so you gotta listen to me now." he replied.

"Charming." he said sarcastically. "So what am I supposed to do here?"

He looked at some cue cards. "Uh, 'You will answer the trivia questions that I ask you about the other castmates, and if you get a question right, you don't have to do a specific challenge. If you get the question wrong, you gotta do em.' And don't complain, all right, I've taken enough tears from Jericho already!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, believe me, we've ALL had enough of Jericho in this lifetime! Ask away." he replied.

"Ok, first question. 'What is Edge's favorite movie?' " he asked.

"Uh, I don't know, Idiots Gone Wild?" asked Hunter.

"WRONG!" he exclaimed. "So your challenge will be to kiss the monster that attacked you guys the first day you got here." he read from the cue card.

"Aw, crap." he said dully.

Then, the robotic monster lowered down to his level and roared in his face.

*ROAR!*

"So, I really gotta kiss dragon breath here?" Hunter asked again.

Big Show nodded.

"Fine. You know, I'm happily married, so don't try anything funny, got it?" he asked the monster, kissing it. "Bleh."

"Hehehe." the monster giggled, blushing.

When it bent down for another kiss, Hunter said, "Hey, you got enough Hunter kissin' for one day, all right? Show, we move on!"

Before he could answer, he wondered if Shawn arrived to the island and needed to tell him the rules for the contest, too. "Uh, you go to studio #5 and I'll meet you there." he said quickly.

"Where the hell are you going?" he asked.

"GET MOVING!" he shouted.

"OW! OK, Ok, bigmouth!" he exclaimed, rushing away.

Later, Big Show caught Shawn wandering around the set once he made it there.

"Big Show? What are you doing here?" he asked, surprised.

"No time. Ok, here's what you gotta do. I'll ask you a series of trivia questions, you get em right, you don't have to do the corresponding challenge, but if you get one wrong, you have to do that one specific challenge, got it? Good, now onto your first challenge, let's go!" he exclaimed, dragging him along.

"Who now?" Shawn asked, confused.

A few minutes later, the two arrived to the sci-fi alien set...

"Ok, here's your first question. 'How many nail polishes does Maria have altogether?' " he asked.

"Oh, that's easy. 175. Why I know that by heart, I don't know." he replied.

"Wow. That's right! Ok, uh, go to studio #10 and I'll meet you there." he said quickly.

"Wait, where are you going?" asked Shawn.

"PLACES! he exclaimed, speeding off.

A few minutes later, he met up with Hunter in the set where the gang participated in the country challenge...

"Finally! What took you, man?" he asked.

"No time, here's your next question." he said, out of breath. "Ok, 'What kind of bite sent Punk to the hospital one time?'"

Hunter paused and then said, "Lizard bite?" he asked.

"WRONG!" Show replied. "Ok, for your challenge, you have to try and rope that cow in under 15 seconds. If you don't, you lose, and if you do, you move on."

"I got this." Hunter said confidently, grabbing a rope.

"Ok, ready, GO!" he called.

He carefully tried to rope the cow while it was recklessly moving around.

"I-hey, you-stop it!" Hunter said, frustrated. "Listen you big pile of beef, you let me rope you right now, OR ELSE." he said threateningly, holding up a picture of a burger.

Then, the cow cooperated and stood still, letting Hunter rope it!

"Ok, you advance to the next challenge. Go to studio #12. LATER!" he exclaimed, running off.

"Hey, lay off on the twinkies, will ya?" Hunter called after him.

Before Big Show got to studio 10, he bumped into Jericho.

"Uh, hey, man." he greeted.

"Jericho." he replied.

"Listen, looks like you can't handle this on your own. I'll go with Shawn and you go with Hunter. That sound fair?" he asked.

He shrugged. "Whatever you say." he replied, walking off.

"...I AM WONDERFUL!" Jericho exclaimed, remembering his motivational tape.

A few seconds later, he joined Shawn.

"Oh, no, I'm stuck with you, aren't I?" he asked dully.

"That's right!" he exclaimed happily.

"Oh, goody. Just ask me the question." he replied.

"Ok. 'Who's favorite movie is Legally Blonde?" asked Jericho.

"Easy! Everyone knows that's Michelle's favorite movie! Although she wants to keep it a secret because, you know, there's been some speculation going around that just maybe she isn't a real blonde." he muttered.

"Really then?" he asked. "Anyway, you're right, dude, so let's move onto studio #16. WHOO!"

Meanwhile, Hunter and Big Show arrived to studio #12, where the gang participated in the horror challenge...

"Ok, next question. 'What is Nattie's nickname?'" he asked.

"Uh...Randy? That's gotta be right, everyone knows she's obsessed with him!" he exclaimed.

"Nice try, but no." replied Show.

"AGAIN?" he demanded angrily. "Fine, what do I gotta do now?"

"Well, since this is a horror studio, I thought you should watch a short little mini movie." he replied.

He scoffed. "Listen, I'm not afraid of some dinky little horror movie, ok? Just hand me the prize and all will be fine." replied Hunter.

"So have a good time watching the Hannah Montana movie." he said, shoving him into a room.

"Wait, what? I can't watch that! You-you gotta reconsider-dude, NO!" Hunter cried, going into a room.

Later, the movie was over, and Hunter managed to get out of the room, looking like he saw a ghost. "T-Too many songs. It's-it's too cheesy! GET ME OUTTA HERE!" he demanded, scared.

"You did very well. Now, let's GO, you crybaby!" Show said, leading them to studio #14.

Meanwhile, Jericho and Shawn arrived to studio #16, where the castmates had to compete in the bank heist challenge...

"Ah, the place where our friend Dave rejoined us. Good times, eh?" asked Jericho.

"Yeah, those were times I'd rather not remember." Shawn replied.

"Fine with me. Here's your question. 'How many different bottles of hair dye does Jeff own?'" he asked.

"I'm really getting all the easy questions today! As a matter of fact, he owns exactly 72 different varieties. You got your blues, your reds, your purples, your greens..." he began.

"Ok, dude, you're right again. Now-" began Jericho.

"You also got your mixes." he continued.

"Shawn?" asked Jericho.

"There's your blue greens, your red oranges, your orange reds, your light purple and green with just a tint of-"

"MICHAELS!" he interrupted.

"Off topic again, huh? Sorry." he replied.

"Don't mention it. We move onto studio #18!" Jericho said, leading the way with a heroic pose.

"Oh, God." Shawn said dully.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Shawn: "Really, they should just hand me the check. I know every possible answer to every possible question he gives me! Shawny has the street smarts, you know."

Hunter: "Ok, maybe I'm just having an off day or these questions are totally impossible to answer! I don't know about everyone's personal lives! How in the hell could I lose so many questions in a row and end up working my ass off in these mini challenges? This million bucks will be SO worth everything."

-Back outside-

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Big Show and Hunter arrived to studio #14, where the gang had to compete in a war movie...<p>

"Ok, Hunter, next question. 'What color is Matt thinking of right now?'" he asked.

"Wha-how the hell am I supposed to know that?" he asked, confused.

"Oh, WHOOPS, wrong answer AGAIN!" he exclaimed.

"Aw, jeez." Hunter sighed.

"Ok, while wearing this blindfold, you gotta run to that line over there while dodging the paint mines down below. The mines explode every three seconds, so you gotta make it to the other side without getting covered in paint. Got it, good." he explained.

"Wait, how the hell am I supposed to do this if I can't see?" asked Hunter.

"Find a way. Ready, MOVE!" he called.

Cautious, Hunter carefully ran in any direction he thought was right, while barely escaping the mines that detonated, and by some miracle, he reached the ending line!

"TIME!" called Big Show.

Hunter took the blindfold off and smiled. "I did it? Sweet! So we're done now, right?" he asked.

"Haha, WRONG again! Let's go to studio #20, shall we?" he asked, leading them away.

"When will it end?" Hunter pleaded.

Meanwhile, Jericho and Shawn arrived to studio #18, where the gang competed in the sports challenge, most notably, the boxing match...

"All righty then, Shawn. You've been breezing through every question so far, and it's time to end it. 'Back in the first season, what was the challenge you guys participated in which resulted in Edge, the Glamazon, and Melina all leaving?'" he asked.

"Oh yeah, wasn't that when you gave us all those questions and if we got em wrong you'd embarrass us? By the way, I still haven't forgotten when you enjoyed peddling me with turtles. That was very immature of you." Shawn replied.

Jericho glared at him. "Right again!" he exclaimed, rolling his eyes.

Then, a bear wearing boxing gloves stood behind Shawn. "Uh. Hello there." he said meekly.

"Never mind, Joe, we won't need you after all. Sorry." Jericho told the bear.

"Aw." it said, going away.

Shawn whipped around. "REALLY, Jericho?" he demanded.

"Whatever. Moving onto studio #27." he said dully.

Meanwhile, Big Show and Jericho arrived to studio #20, where the gang participated in the superhero challenge...

"Aw, cool, this is where we all played superheroes!" exclaimed Hunter. "And you got to wear a prom dress, remember?"

"Don't remind me." Show replied. "Anyway, next question. 'What was the name of the challenge back in the first season, where you all had to build your own bikes and then race them?' And you gotta pronounce it right."

"I know this one! It's the uh, supercowfligiro-no, no, supercaliflu-" he tried to say it. "Please just let this one slide! I know the answer!"

"But you can't pronounce it, so too bad for you." he replied with an evil smile.

Hunter glared at him.

"Ok, for this challenge, you have to use anything you can as a superpower to defeat this arch supervillian right over here. If you beat him, you move on." he explained.

"No sweat." he replied.

"All righty. Ready, FIGHT!" exclaimed Show.

Before Hunter could even do anything, the villain tossed a few bowling balls towards him, while Hunter ducked them all. Then in return, Hunter flung garbage can lids towards him, stunning the villian, and to finish, Hunter countered with a Pedigree!

"Done." he replied, heading out.

"Wow, uh, you ok, Bob?" Show asked the villain.

"I better get paid for this." he replied, knocked out.

Later, both Jericho and Shawn and Big Show and Hunter all met up in studio #27, where the gang had to make animal friends...

"Hey, you finally made it here, Hunter!" greeted Shawn.

"You, too! So, did Jericho here make you run through about 400 challenges straight?" he asked.

"No, I got every single question on the money. You?" he asked proudly.

"You mean, you didn't get to do ANY challenges?" he demanded.

"Is there a problem? Didn't you get any of your questions right?" Shawn asked with a smirk.

Then, Hunter glared at Big Show. "...No." he said in a dark voice.

"Tough for you, Hunter. Well, bring on the next question so I can get my money." Shawn replied.

"You mean, MY money." replied Hunter.

"Ok, plonkers, relax, this question's for the both of you. 'What happened last season which changed the final three into the final two?'" asked Jericho.

"Hey, that's easy!" exclaimed Hunter.

"Yeah!" agreed Shawn.

"Orton got his head shaved!" they both exclaimed at the same time, laughing.

"Correct, you guys!" he exclaimed.

"I got one right! VICTORY!" Hunter exclaimed.

"All right, people, so now that that ended up in a tie, we need another tie breaker question. 'What song is the lead single from my band's first album?'" he asked.

"Uh...Pork N Beans?" asked Hunter.

Jericho glared at him. "...No. Shawn, you know? It's pretty obvious."

"I uh, don't know. Who Let the Dogs Out?" he asked.

Big Show chuckled while Jericho slapped his forehead. "Ok, whatever, you both fail, which leads us to our final challenge! Let's head to studio #13 and end this once and for all!"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, back at the TWA Chatterbox...<p>

"Hey, peoples, we're back and it looks like we're really down to the nitty gritty!" exclaimed Maria.

"Yeah, in just a few minutes, we're gonna find out if either Hunter or Shawn will walk away with the million bucks." agreed Punk. "Any last minute thoughts, you guys?"

"I just can't wait to see who wins!" exclaimed Mickie. "This is so exciting!"

"I should be there." Dave replied darkly. "ME! I worked my ass of to get back on this show, and right before the finals, I get voted off! Everyone knew I would've won this thing, but fine. I have lawyers on call to sue each and every one of you."

"What kind of crap is that?" demanded John. "None of us did anything to you!"

"Yeah, really! It's not our fault that you got some screwed up connection to your lawyers, so don't pin the rap on us!" agreed Kelly.

"Uh, hi, Kel." he said, suddenly blushing. "You look great. I mean, REALLY great."

"Stop hitting on me!" she exclaimed, annoyed.

"So, this is what you were talking about, eh Kel?" asked Jeff.

"Yeah! He never leaves me alone anymore ever since he revealed that he likes me." she replied.

"Ok, I'll take care of this. Kelly's MY girlfriend, and you can clearly tell that she doesn't want to be bothered by you anymore. So if you just lay off and stick to being friends, I'm cool with that. But if you try to get with her again, you'll deal with me. Understood?" Jeff asked seriously.

Dave was quiet for a moment and then took out his cell. "I can sue you for that, you know." he replied.

"Ugh!" he cried, walking away.

"I'll take care of this." Randy said, taking the phone and breaking it in half. "Haha. There. Maybe now you'll shut up."

Then, he casually tok out his daily planner and started dialing a number on it.

"OH, I GIVE UP, DAMN IT!" Randy exclaimed.

Then, he slowly turned around to find Natalya breathing down his neck. "I love you, Randy." she said.

"AAH! Why are you still here? Get the hell away from me!" he shouted.

"Why? I LOOOOVE you!" she exclaimed, clinging onto his leg.

"GET OFFA ME!" he screamed.

"This is a very fun show today." John told Candice.

"I'll take care of this." Melina and Michelle said at the same time. Then, they glared at each other. "GET LOST, I'M SAVING HIM!"

Then, Melina snatched Nattie off of his leg and said, "Ok, I thought we were cool, but nobody tries to steal my boyfriend!" she exclaimed.

Then, Michelle shoved Melina away and told Nattie, "Listen, the guy says he doesn't want anything to do with you, so you better listen to him or else you'll have to deal with me."

"Oh, like either of you scare me!" Nattie replied.

"Stay away from him!" exclaimed Melina and Michelle.

"RRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Nattie screamed in a scary voice, creeping out everyone else. "RANDY ORTON'S MINE! MINE, YOU HEAR ME? MINE!"

"Security!" cried Punk. "We need some kind of help here!"

Then, two security guards had to tranquilize her to shut her up. "Deed's done." one of them said.

"Thanks for saving me back there, Michelle." Randy told her.

"No problem." she replied, blushing. "Anything to help a friend."

While they gazed at each other, Melina looked insulted and whipped Randy around. "Uh, Randy? Can you listen to me here? Did I not just save you?"

"Michelle, listen-whoops." he said quickly.

This time, Melina looked more insulted than before. "WHO did you just call me?"

"Uh..." Randy began, confused.

"So many conflicting emotions, so little time, eh, people?" asked Edge.

"Shut up, Edge." everyone else replied.

Back in the game, Shawn and Hunter finally made it to their last challenge in studio #13, where the disaster challenge was. Who would win the money?

"Ok, D-Generation-X, after weeks after weeks after weeks of drama, it all leads up to here. Whoever crosses that finish line will win that wonderful $1,000,000 check."

"Yay." Shawn said with a smile.

"I'm inspired." Hunter said thoughtfully.

"Ok, so basically you two have to race through this disaster course, just like you have before, and the finish line is right up Death Hill over there. SO! On your marks..."

"Good luck, man." said Hunter. "I'll see you after I reach the finish line."

"...Get set..." said Jericho.

"Good luck to you, too." replied Shawn. "I'll let you know how it felt like to win."

" *waves flag* GO, PARASITES, GO!" exclaimed Jericho.

The two quickly sped off, heading towards their first obstacle, which was the 20 ft. wall.

"Oh, crap, I don't remember how to get over this thing!" exclaimed Hunter.

"HAHA!" Shawn exclaimed, using the pole to help swing him across the other side.

"HEY!" Hunter cried, quickly grabbing a pole and doing the same thing.

Next, the two ran, while the ground started rumbling and the 'earthquake' started. Then, they managed to keep their balance and met the next obstacle, which was the rolling log.

Before doing anything else, Shawn quickly glared at Hunter while Hunter glared back at him, and then they both leaped onto the rolling logs, holding on while they were rolling along with the logs.

"WHOA! Ready to give up yet?" called Hunter.

"I'm the Heartbreak Kid, you can't count me out!" Shawn replied. "YOU should be the one worrying! You did so many extra challenges today, you've gotta be exhausted!"

"Yeah, well, I'm the King of Kings! You think those extra challenges slowed me down? Well, maybe they helped me to train for the big time, for when I'm takin' that money!" Hunter exclaimed, slithering off the log onto the other side, speeding off.

"IN YOUR DREAMS!" Shawn cried, following him.

Next, they raced to meet the sandbox. The QUICKsandbox.

Without remembering that there was quicksand inside, they both leaped in and then realized that they had a hard time getting through.

"Oh crud, I forgot about the quicksand!" exclaimed Shawn. "How do I get rid of this stuff?"

"I remember." Hunter said with a smile, bending down to unplug the stuff in his box. "See ya!"

"NO FAIR!" Shawn cried, following Hunter's example and then chasing after him.

"Wow, things are getting intense." said Big Show. "Who do you think's gonna win?"

"No idea, but either way those parasites are gonna rub it all in my face." Jericho said dully. "So, Show, uh, you're still not thinking about quitting, are you?"

"Hmm, maybe." he replied dully. "You need to change your attitude."

"HEY! I have a great attitude, what the hell are you talking about?" he demanded, holding up his tape player. "You have anything to back me up with?"

_"Hello. My name is Arthur Brewster."_ it said.

"Well, who the hell asked ya?" Jericho demanded.

_"Do you want love?"_

"No, I want a beer." he said dully.

_"Do you want fame?"_

"You want a punch in the nose?" asked Big Show.

_"Repeat after me. I can do anything."_

"Yeah, well how about trying to live with these looney tunes, you dipstick?" demanded Jericho.

Back in the race, Shawn and Hunter were neck and neck. They reached Death Hill and raced up the huge mountain where Jericho and Big Show appeared.

"Oh damn it, this just reminded me." said Hunter.

"What?" asked Shawn.

"This was the exact place where Big Show broke my jaw with a shovel, remember?" he asked.

"Oh, you're right. Well, just keep your ground, all right? I don't need you hurting your jaw again. I need someone to compete with!" Shawn exclaimed.

Hunter chuckled and smiled back.

"Initiate the hail!" exclaimed Jericho.

While Jericho and Big Show tossed down baseballs, the two managed to brace through them all and continue climbing up the mountain.

"What, no shovel, Big Show?" called Hunter.

"Hey, I'd do it again, but if you get hurt, they'd sue me!" he called back. "Doesn't mean we can't still use some hot lava though, hahahaha!"

While the two poured down buckets of hot sauce, Shawn and Hunter struggled, but continued to climb on.

"I see the finish line!" exclaimed Hunter. "I'm gonna win!"

"No, I'M gonna win!" exclaimed Shawn.

The two were totally neck and neck and it was unclear of who was in the lead.

"Uh oh." Big Show and Jericho said nervously.

* * *

><p>Back in the Chatterbox...<p>

"Oh, my God, you guys, a winner's about to be crowned!" exclaimed Maria. "This is so much fun!"

"You can do it, guys!-You're almost there-WHOOO!" everyone cheered excitedly.

"Let-a victory-a ring!" exclaimed Santino.

"COME ON, GUYS, YOU CAN DO IT!" shouted Mickie.

"And the winner is..." began Punk.

Back in the game, they were inches from the finish line.

"I SAID, I'm winning this thing!" exclaimed Hunter.

"MORE LIES! Now, let's just see who REALLY deserves to win the cash!" exclaimed Shawn.

Then, to everyone's shock and surprise, BOTH Shawn and Hunter leaped over the finish line at exactly the same time!

Shocked, they immediately looked at each other, Big Show and Jericho looked at each other, and back at the TWA Chatterbox, everyone was stunned.

"...A tie?" Punk finished, looking at Maria and then looking back at the camera.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" demanded Randy.


	33. Episode 29

**Season Finale pt. 2**

Total WWE Action!: Take the Money and Run!

Episode 29

"Hey, chicks and dudes, it's me, Maria here filling in for Jericho who's out on a trip and finally out of our hair! Ok, last week on TWA, Shawn and Hunter were totally psyched for their final challenge, but with Jericho and Big Show around, nothing ever turns out right, does it? First, the two are knocked out by a sleepy bomb, they wake up on a pirate ship in the middle of who-knows-where, and they're forced to begin the action right then and there! Their challenges were to clean GROSS restrooms, grab a flag on top of a mast, shoot themselves out of a cannon, and end up back on the very first set! Seemed that Hunter got the lead, but Shawn wasn't taking that lying down! Once they both ended up back to home base, they had to either answer a series of trivia questions right, or do a challenge instead! Shawn breezed through his questions, while the same couldn't be said for poor Hunter! Once they both finally got a question wrong, the two faced off on their final challenge, the disaster obstacle course! With a disaster challenge, comes frustration and pain, but with a million bucks at stake, DX would go through anything to win! Once they were reaching the finish line, Jericho, Big Show, and all of us here at the TWA Chatterbox were ready to crown a winner, but once both Hunter and Shawn crossed the finish line at the same time, they were tied! Can you believe that, I mean really! So anyways, this week, our final two will make their appearance on the TWA Chatterbox, and trust me, there WILL be a winner this time! Ok? So who will be the winner of TWA? Find out next on Total...WWE...Action!"

* * *

><p>"A tie? A TIE?" demanded Randy. "I went through my own personal hell for the past 30-something weeks, lose my chance to end up winning, DX of all people make it to the finals, and they TIE? I'm SO PISSED!"<p>

"You're pissed?" demanded Dave. "I was supposed to be in the finals, and believe me, if I were there, I would've won! I'm calling my lawyer for this!"

"Aw, will you two just shut up?" demanded John. "Neither of you two even deserve to be in the finals. Randy, well, he never deserves to be-"

"Oh, stuff it, Cena!" Orton cried.

"-and Dave, you manipulated everyone and took the easy way out to make it as far as you did!" he continued.

He was quiet. "...So?" he muttered.

"So, uh, now that that's done, what are they gonna do now?" asked Kelly.

Punk and Maria looked at each other, confused.

"Uh...we dunno." they replied slowly.

Right after they said that, Shawn and Hunter walked in from the door from where they just crossed the finish line!

"I'm telling you, I won!" exclaimed Hunter. "I totally won by a nose!"

"Yeah, some nose of yours, all right." Shawn replied.

"Hey!" he cried.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience started cheering.

"And here they are, our final two, D-Generation X!" announced Punk.

The two stopped arguing, looked at the audience and the eliminated contestants, and smiled.

"Uh, sup?" asked Hunter.

"...Heya." greeted Shawn.

"Nice place you got here." replied Hunter.

"Yeah, we keep it well furnished. So, take a seat in the winner's chair." replied Maria.

"Uh, there's only one chair here." Shawn said, pointing to a king's throne-like chair.

"And I won." they both said at the same time. "I WON!" they both exclaimed, looking at one another.

"Calm down, you two." replied Punk. "You both get to sit in it. Just make room, ok?"

They shared the chair, but barely fit inside.

"Well, then." replied Hunter.

"So, what's the dealio here?" asked Shawn.

"Don't really know right now, so let's just sit back and party!" exclaimed Maria. "Let's watch some more never before seen clips of the season!"

"Hey, can we watch when Randy lost his wig?" asked Edge.

"Edge, shut up!" Randy said, annoyed.

...

Meanwhile, Jericho and Big Show were at the airport, getting ready to go on their vacation...

"Ah, thank goodness this crazy mess is over." replied Show.

"Ain't that the truth, my friend!" exclaimed Jericho. "We get a well deserved vacation to Hawaii, and best of all, we never have to deal with those parasites again, HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I'm very happy about this." he agreed. "Got the tickets, right? If you forgot anything, I'll have to punch you out."

"Of course! I'm the responsible one. Unlike some people, Big man." he replied.

"What-you're saying I'm irresponsible?" he demanded. "You hired me for this stinkin' chef job, it's all your fault!"

"HEY! This is no time for arguing! It is time for rest and relaxation! Now-" began Jericho.

"Hey, look! Is that Jeri-Show?" asked a guy.

"Oh, no." muttered Show. "More people coming to bug us."

"I'll take care of this." replied Jericho.

"Hey, you're Chris Jericho and the Big Show, right?" asked the guy.

"Uh, well yes we are." Jericho replied. "Nice to make your acquaintance."

"Yeah, I heard that you got a new deal with your hairstylist. Is your new hairstyle gonna look even worse than the one you're wearing now?" he asked.

He was turning red. "HEY! You DARE talk to a man of MY stature like that? I'm Chris Jericho, the most successful man on this side of the country! You will treat me with respect and LIKE it! Understand?" he asked, but the fan and his friend got autographs from Big Show.

"Ok, see ya." he told them.

"WOO HOO!" the guys exclaimed.

"Uh, Chris, you ok?" he asked.

He said nothing and just sat down. "Tapeworms." he muttered.

...

Back at the Chatterbox...

"...and this is when Jericho found that spider in his shower." John said, flipping through a slideshow. "And this is Jericho after a failed attempt at joining the Hair Club for Men."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" everyone laughed.

"Ah, good times." replied Mickie. "Guys, you know, looking back, we've really had a lot of great times this season, didn't we?"

"Yeah, I know." agreed Jeff. "I can't believe it's already almost over. I'll even miss the way Orton annoyed the hell outta me."

"Don't you start with me, Rainbow Brite! It wasn't any picnic dealing with you, either." Randy replied.

"Hey! Let's show some clips of Randy and Jeff's rivalry from over the season!" announced Maria.

"Yeah, these two were lucky not to kill each other after all they've been through." agreed Punk.

*cue music montage*

A few moments later…

"Ok, I take back what I said about missing Orton." Jeff said dully, crossing his arms.

"Aw, stuff it, Hardy!" exclaimed Orton. "People like you are the reason I'm on medication."

"You know, Orton? There really are some stupid people in this world. You just helped me realize it." replied Jeff.

Randy was getting pissed. "Oh, you-just go play in traffic! I got enough issues as it is, and I don't need-"

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Ok, I'm not here right now so cry me a river, build yourself a bridge, and GET OVER IT!"

"OK, ok, people, calm down!" announced Hunter. "We're here to reminisce and have fun. And watch Orton cry like a little girl."

"AGH!" he cried.

"Dude, just calm down." replied Michelle. "I'm sure you'll think of some kind of comeback. You're Randy Orton, remember? You don't let anyone push you around."

He half smiled at her. "I know. Thanks." he replied.

She smiled back.

"Uh, Michelle? Can you get your googly eyes away from my boyfriend?" demanded Melina. "Go drool over somebody else, will ya?"

"Uh, nobody was talking to you, so can you mind your own beeswax? Thanks!" Michelle snapped.

"Ooh!" cried the audience.

"I-oh! Randy, you're not gonna let her talk to me like that, will you?" demanded Melina.

"Melina, you need to calm down, all right?" he asked. "Michelle has her own mind and she can say whatever she pleases."

She looked shocked.

"Uh, I thought you were used to defending Melina from Michelle here?" asked Mickie.

"Yeah! Randy, what the hell's the matter with you lately? It's like...you don't even love me anymore!" Melina exclaimed.

"Listen, I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past few weeks, and believe it or not, Michelle's always been there for me, and she's still my friend. And if any of you don't like it, then TOUGH! I've betrayed her in the past, and it's been bugging me ever since. Michelle, I never meant to hurt you back then." he told her.

"Randy, I was angry with you after what you did, but I never hated you. Even when I never thought about it, you were always there to back me up and I really appreciate it." she replied. "And after what happened last time *looks at Melina* you know, when you revealed that you lied about Melina and secretly had a crush on me?"

This time, Melina looked even more shocked. "...WHAT?" she demanded.

"Well, Randy, It took me forever to realize that I have a crush on you, too." she said with a smile.

Everyone, mostly Melina looked shocked.

He smiled. "Oh, really?"

"Randy, you have a crush on HER? While you were dating ME?" demanded Melina.

"Uh..." he replied, confused.

"You know, maybe what the others were saying about you were right! Ever since we got together, you never treated me like a girlfriend! You never said anything romantic, you never told me goodbye when you left, and you never even said that you loved me!" she exclaimed.

"You know, you never said any of that stuff to me, either!" Randy argued. "Not a very good girlfriend, if you ask me."

She scoffed. "You guys were right. He really is a scumball." she said, glaring at him.

"Hey, don't talk about him that way, you're all just jealous!" exclaimed Michelle.

"Shut the hell up, Michelle!" she snapped back.

"Melina, don't talk that way to the woman I've really loved all along!" Randy exclaimed.

Everyone gasped.

"Yeah, I said it!" he exclaimed.

"Wow, uh, Randy! I-I love you, too!" she exclaimed, surprised.

"Aw, you guys!" Edge exclaimed, putting an arm around them both.

Meanwhile, Shawn interrupted and said, "Ok, and that wraps up another intriguing episode of 'The Bald and the Restless'!"

"HEY!" Randy exclaimed.

"Ok, sappy time's over, can you please put the camera back on the stars?" he demanded.

"We'd love to, Shawn, but we gotta go to a commercial break. When we come back, there'll be more surprises, we'll be looking back on all the good times we had, and later, we'll see if either Shawn or Hunter will win the million bucks! Stay with us!" exclaimed Punk.

"And why don't you try finding a wider seat here, while you're at it!" exclaimed Hunter. "...Although it is very comfy."

...

Back at the airport, dozens of fans were getting autographs and pictures with Big Show, while Jericho waited, annoyed...

While he waited, he saw the TWA Chatterbox come on TV, and saw how all of the contestants were talking about Jericho and showing some more embarrassing pictures of him.

He balled his fists and gritted his teeth. "Oh, hell no." he said darkly. "Those parasites will NOT degrade me on national television! BIG SHOW!"

"What?" he asked. "Can't you see I'm busy here?"

"All right, you masomrophs, get lost, all of you, go away NOW!" Jericho said, chasing them all away.

"Jeez, what a lightweight." muttered someone.

"Oh, thanks for scaring away my fan club!" he exclaimed.

"Listen to me, look on TV! Those worms are trying to make ME, Chris Jericho look like a fool!" he exclaimed.

"So what do you want me to do about it?" asked Show.

"WE are going up there to stop this! You know, I truthfully wanted a third season of this show to showcase more of my awesomeness, but they're gonna ruin everything!" he exclaimed angrily.

"Aw, but what about Hawaii?" asked Show.

"We stop those parasites...now." he said seriously.

"But what about traffic?" he asked.

"NOW!" Jericho exclaimed.

...

Back at the Chatterbox...

"...and that was a little music montage I call, 'Dumb, dumber, and Jericho.' Thank you." replied Punk.

"Ok, that was very entertaining and quite hilarious, but when do we get to the money?" asked Hunter.

"Not yet! In all contests, the winner isn't revealed until the very last minute, so we gotta kill like, 45 more minutes." replied Maria. "So, what should we do now, you guys?"

"I got an idea. We have a quiz show where-" began Dave.

"Whoops, don't care." replied Edge.

He glared at him. "Fine, anyone else got anything better?" he demanded.

"I got it!" exclaimed Mickie. "You know at the end of that Wendy's commercial where the guy tried to fit himself with the moving pictures? Why don't Hunter and Shawn compete in a contest to see who could fit through the most different shapes?"

"Ooh-good idea!" everyone else exclaimed.

"Sounds fun!" exclaimed Shawn. "How about it, Hunter?"

"Sure, why not?" agreed Hunter.

"Then it's on! Julio, bring out the slides, will ya?" called Punk.

...

Meanwhile, Jericho and Big Show were being driven to the set...the WRONG set.

"Well, this looks familiar. There's nobody here, though." announced Big Show.

"Of course there's nobody here, this is Total WWE ISLAND, you moron!" Jericho exclaimed, slapping the back of the driver's head.

"OW! You don't have to be rude, sir!" he exclaimed. "You told me to go here!"

"I said, Total WWE ACTION, not Island! Now get your ass in gear and get us to the set before those parasites get away with degrading me even more!" Jericho demanded.

"Chillax, will ya?" asked Show.

...

Back at the Chatterbox...

Exhausted, from leaping through countless cutouts, Shawn and Hunter were both on the ground.

"I quit." Hunter announced, raising his hand.

"Yeah, can we do something else now?" asked Shawn.

"Uh, we can show more embarrassing clips of Jericho." replied Maria.

"Yeah-sure." everyone else replied.

Before she did, though, Jericho and Big Show arrived!

"WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE, YOU PARASITES!" he exclaimed, pissed.

"BOOOOOOOOOO!" jeered the audience.

"Aw, crap, who let him in here?" demanded Punk.

"Ok, you two, I've had enough of this and I'm stopping it. MOVE!" he cried, shoving Maria and Punk out of the way.

"Hey, there's a nice couple of words called 'excuse me', have you ever heard of em?" demanded Punk.

"This is MY show now! Hahaha." he laughed evilly.

"Well, this looks like the point where all hell is about to break loose and that's the point where we leave. Goodbye." announced Jeff.

"Uh bup bup! Nobody's leaving!" he exclaimed.

"Look, Jericho, what do you want from us?" asked Kelly. "Everything was fine until you showed up!

"Well, since you guys embarrassed me, I'll get my revenge on the final two here." he said with an evil smile, handing an intern a tape.

"HEH?" demanded Shawn.

"Jericho, what the hell are you up to?" Hunter asked suspiciously.

"Just watch." he said, looking up at the screen.

There, a video showed Hunter singing along to a song in front of a mirror, using Sledgie as a microphone.

_"I made it through the wilderness_

_Somehow I made it through_

_Didn't know how lost I was_

_Until I found you..._

_I was beat incomplete_

_I'd been had, I was sad and blue_

_But you made me feel_

_Yeah, you made me feel_

_Shiny and new..._

_Like a virgin_

_Touched for the very first time_

_Like a virgin_

_When your heart beats_

_Next to mine" _he sang.

After that, everyone laughed while Hunter turned red and Jericho smiled.

"Wow, Hunter, I never saw that side of you before." Shawn said with a chuckle. "You gonna be ok, buddy?"

"After I freakin' kill Jericho!" he exclaimed, charging for him while Big Show held him back.

"HAHAHA!" laughed Randy. "Who gets the last laugh NOW?"

"Shut up, Orton!" Hunter snapped.

"Oh, that's not all." Jericho said, pointing to the screen again.

This time, a video showed Shawn dancing to the song 'Old Time Rock N Roll' in one of the studios, wearing a loose dress shirt and his boxers.

_"Just take those old records off the shelf_

_I'll sit and listen to 'em by myself_

_Today's music aln 't got the same soul_

_I like that old time rock 'n' roll_

_Don't try to take me to a disco_

_You'll never even get me out on the floor_

_In ten minutes I'll be late for the door_

_I like that old time rock 'n' roll!" _he sang.

After that, everyone else laughed again, while Shawn blushed and Jericho laughed loudest of all.

"Shawn?" Hunter asked, shocked.

"I-I didn't even know he was taping that! Jericho, what the heck was THAT for?" he demanded.

"One word. REVENGE." Jericho said with a smile.

"BAH!" Shawn scoffed angrily.

"Yeah, well you got your laugh, Jericho. Now will you just leave?" Hunter asked.

"Haha, NOOO!" he replied. "Ok, parasites, next up, you guys get to ask some questions to our final two here. Ask about anything you want, and make it a good question. My time is too good to be wasted on you people."

"Ooh, ooh, MEMEMEMEME!" exclaimed Natalya.

"Uh, yeah, Nattie?" asked Hunter.

"Don't you think that Randy's SO HOT?" she demanded.

"Uhh." Randy grunted, rolling his eyes, while Michelle glared at her.

Scared, Hunter looked at Shawn and Shawn looked back at him.

"Uh...N-No." Hunter replied.

"You're askin' the wrong people." Shawn added, wincing.

"I LOVE RANDY ORTON!" she exclaimed happily. "Randy, you need to be with ME! Please hear me out! ME, ME, ME, ME, MEEEE!"

Then, he put duct tape over her mouth. "When hell freezes over." he replied.

"Ok, next question!" called Shawn.

"Me!" called Candice.

"Yeah, Candy?" he asked.

"Whichever one of you wins the money, what will you do with it?" she asked.

"Good question. If I win, I'll, uh...well I can uh,...use...well honestly, I don't know." Hunter replied. "Shawn?"

"Easy! If I win, the million bucks could uh, like go...like uh...next question?" he asked meekly.

"Yeah, me." said Dave. "If neither of you don't even know what you're going to do with the cash, then neither of you should even be in the finals! I deserve to be in your place ever since I returned to the competition, and trust me, I'll-"

"Oh, WHOOPS, time's up for you. Next question!" called Hunter.

While Dave glared at them, Jeff asked, "Ok, so if one of you wins the cash, it won't affect your friendship, will it? I know for a fact that money can change people." he said, glaring at Matt.

"Oh, don't you look at me like that!" he snapped back. "This is all on your shoulders."

"Anyway." Jeff told the guys.

"Well, whichever one of us wins, we'll be happy, right Shawn?" asked Hunter.

"That's right, Hunter." he agreed. "Yeah, a million bucks is a lot, but money can never replace friendship."

"AWW!" exclaimed everyone.

"Are you SURE?" asked Jericho. "It's ONE MILLION DOLLARS at stake. I'm sure friendship can sit aside this one time."

"Jericho, we will not argue if one of us becomes runner up." Hunter said slowly. "Get that into your empty little head."

"Yeah, so you're not seeing a fight tonight, ok?" asked Shawn.

"Damn it." Jericho said, pouting.

"Next question!" asked Shawn.

"Yeah, I got one!" called John.

"Yeah, Cena?" asked Hunter.

"Ok, now that you've tired yourselves out with all that leaping through the cardboard cutouts, I bet you guys are hungry. Which one of you two would win in an eat off?" he asked with a smirk.

"Hahahahaha!" laughed Hunter. "You're kidding, right, dude? Everybody in this room knows I'm the champ at that! It's no contest!"

"Oh?" asked Shawn. "You don't think that I could beat you in an eat off?"

He chuckled. "Dude, just save yourself the stomach ache at the end, ok?" he asked.

"Hunter, you really don't think I can beat you at this. Ok, then we'll just see then, won't we?" asked Shawn.

"Well, sounds like you're pretty serious about this. We'll see then." Hunter said, shaking his hand.

"All right, this should be a lot of fun to watch." John replied.

A few minutes later, the two stood in front of a buffet table.

"All right, it's time for the TWA Eat Off!" announced Maria."

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered.

"Ok, so whoever eats the most food on their side WITHOUT heaving, wins! Ready...Set...EAT!" she called.

While the two quickly ate their foods, everyone cheered them on.

"Don't explode on us!" called Randy.

They both stopped and glared at him, and then continued eating.

While time passed, most of the food on both their sides were gone, but they were getting totally stuffed at the same time.

"So...Hunter. ...Still think...you can beat me now?" Shawn asked, tired.

"Well...you put up a pretty good fight...but yes, I do." Hunter replied, just as tired.

They tried to take another bite, but before anything else happened, the two barfed at the same time!

"And TIME!" exclaimed Maria.

"Hey, it's another tie, you guys!" announced Candice.

"WHAT?" they demanded.

"Dude, this tie crap needs to end soon." Hunter said, annoyed. Then, he looked up at Jericho, who looked grim. "Uh, dude?" he asked him, then looking down at his shoes where there was a mess. "Oops."

"BIG SHOW!" Jericho cried.

"Hold your horses, here you go." he said, handing him a new pair of shoes.

"This is all your fault, Cena!" he cried. "If you haven't opened your big mouth, THIS wouldn't have happened!"

"No problem, it was my pleasure!" he exclaimed, saluting to him.

"Ok, any more questions?" asked Shawn.

"Yeah, over here!" called Edge.

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, Edge?" he asked.

"Since there's so much competition today, I've got a great one! You two have to draw the best imaginary animal you can think of!" he exclaimed.

Everyone looked at him.

"Dude, really. I'm the artist here, and I think that even Jericho could come up with a better idea than that." replied Jeff.

"Finally, Rainbow Brite's got a point here." Jericho agreed.

"ANYWAY, will you do it or not?" asked Edge.

"Uh, ok.-Sure." the two said unsurely.

"Ok, it's time for the TWA Imaginary Animal Drawing competition!" announced Punk.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered.

"Ok, you guys got one minute to draw your animals, and when time's up, it's time to present them to our judges, Jericho, Big Show, Punky, and moi." said Maria. "Ready...set...DRAW!"

After that, the two had a hard time deciding what to draw, but after time was up...

"And, TIME!" called Punk. "Ok, guys, show us what you got."

"Uh, do I have to?" asked Hunter.

"NOW!" called Jericho.

"Fine! Jeez!" he said, revealing his drawing.

"Uh...what is it?" asked Maria.

"It's supposed to be a flying porky pig hamster bat." he replied.

"Uh...huh. Judges?" asked Jericho.

Jericho and Big Show held up zeros, Punk held up a 2, and Maria held up a .05.

".05?" Hunter asked.

"I'm sorry, I just thought it was like, a steak or something." she replied with a giggle.

"Ok then." he replied.

"Ok, so Shawn, what do you have to share?" asked Punk.

"I got uh, this." he announced, revealing his drawing.

"What's that thing?" he asked.

"It's a cross between a chicken and a poodle!" he exclaimed. "Hey, that just reminded me of this joke that I heard. Ok, what do you get when you cross a poodle and a chicken?"

"What?" asked Maria.

"A Cockapoodlepoo-I-I mean, cockapoodledoo! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" he laughed while everyone else stared.

"Ok, 0 for the joke, dude." Jericho replied.

"Ditto." agreed Big Show.

As a response, Shawn stuck out his tongue at them.

"Good attempt, I'll give you a 2 for effort." said Punk.

".05!" exclaimed Maria.

"..Which ties up the score yet again!" exclaimed Mickie. "I'm guessing you guys aren't too happy about that."

They both groaned.

"Point taken." she replied.

"Ok, parasites, I'm taking a break. I'm sure you'll all miss me dearly." Jericho said, going backstage.

As soon as he left, the whole place erupted in cheers.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"HEY!" Jericho cried, popping back out.

* * *

><p>While everyone took a break during the commercial, Melina was still upset while Randy couldn't take his eyes off of Michelle...<p>

"Hey, Mel, are you gonna be ok?" asked Kelly. "You've been really quiet lately."

"Yeah, I guess. I just feel so stupid for trusting him again! I should've known to stay away from him after he hurt me the last time, and I thought he'd changed. I guess not." she replied sadly.

"Mel, I'm sorry about all this. Randy needed you more than you needed him, anyway." she replied.

She chuckled. "I guess so. Him and that bitch Michelle belong together after all."

"Hey, is that the necklace Morrison sent you the other night?" asked Kelly.

"Yeah. Ever since he sent it to me, I could never let go of it. I couldn't really stop thinking about him, you know? I really miss him." she replied.

"Well, if he gave you something this nice, maybe he's trying to tell you something." Kelly said with a wink. "Now that you're finished with Randy, you're open to new options."

She smiled back. "You really think so, Kel?" she asked.

"Who knows? You just gotta wait and see where fate takes you." she replied.

"Thanks, Kelly, you're a really great friend." she said sincerely.

"So are you, Mel." she said, giving her a hug.

Meanwhile...

"Well, we're finally together, how awesome is this?" asked Michelle.

"I know." agreed Randy. "I honestly thought Melina was Ms. Perfect, when it was you the whole time, babe."

"Randy..." she said before they kissed for the first time!

"Dudes!" interrupted Edge.

Randy rolled his eyes. "WHAT?" he demanded.

"Check this out, I just made it to level 99 of Space Invaders!" he exclaimed, showing him his Nintendo SP.

"So, what?" he demanded again.

"Dude! You know how long it took me to reach this level?" he asked.

"I don't know and I don't care." Randy said dully.

"12 hours, man! 12 HOURS! Only one more level to go and I'll win this entire game!" he exclaimed...right before Randy pulled the batteries out.

Confused, Edge kept trying to play, but the screen was black. "What happened to my game?"

"Hello, genius." he said, waving the batteries around.

"HEY! Randy, what the hell was that for? You made me lose the entire game! Now I'll have to start over!" he exclaimed angrily.

"Maybe that'll teach you to stay out of our business." Orton replied.

"You know, lately you've been very rude to me and I'm starting to feel offended." Edge replied.

"Yeah, and?" he asked, not caring.

"And frankly, I'm getting sick of the neglect. What about Rated RKO?" he asked.

"Dude, we planned to dominate this season, but we ended up all getting voted off early. I don't think this is gonna work anymore." he replied.

"Whoa, Randy, you're seriously stopping RKO?" asked Michelle.

"There's no point in continuing if we keep failing like this. Besides, I got all I need right here with me." he said with a smile.

"Yeah, I know." she said with a smile.

"Oh, ho, really now? Ok, Rand. I get the point. Just remember. You'll need me when you least expect it. You'll NEED me!" Edge cried before falling over the seat. "OW!"

Later...

"Ok, I'm back, peoples and it's finally time for what you've all been waiting for!" announced Jericho.

"You're leaving and never coming back?" Shawn asked excitedly.

"NO, it's time for you parasites to vote for these guys. You guys get to vote in this wonderful private voting stall here, and remember, you can't vote for both, so pick one and be happy with it. There are hidden cameras installed inside to make sure you don't cheat." he replied.

"Ok, so if there's hidden cameras, it's not really private anymore, is it?" asked Candice.

"Hmph! Just vote, you masomorphs." he muttered. "I need a beer."

After each person headed to the stall, Shawn and Hunter smiled and tried to persuade them to vote for either of them, before Big Show escorted them away from the stall. "No influencing the votes, ok?" he asked.

"I'll give you a twinkie if you vote for me." said Hunter.

"HEY!" cried Shawn.

"YES!" Big Show exclaimed, speeding inside.

"Now, really, that's totally unfair!" exclaimed Shawn.

"Yeah, well, live with it." replied Jericho.

"Hey, if you vote for me, I'll...I'll set you on a date with Mickie!" he exclaimed.

"What?" she demanded.

Jericho lit up. "Deal!" he exclaimed, speeding into the stall.

"Ha ha." laughed Shawn. "Two can play at that game."

"Copycat." replied Hunter.

After everyone had a hard time deciding who to vote for, they finally casted their votes and the results were about to begin!

"Ok, gather round all my parasites alike, it's time to crown another Total WWE winner!" exclaimed Jericho.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone exclaimed.

"Ok, Shawn and Hunter. After countless weeks of competition, one of you will win this one million dollar check. And with that being said, here are the results. Trust me, the votes were extremely close, and the winner was determined by just one vote. So, the winner of Total WWE Action, season 2 is..." he began.

Everyone was totally silent while they awaited the results.

"...Shawn Michaels!" he announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered while everyone onstage cheered for him.

"I won? I WON!" Shawn cried.

"Great going, man!" Hunter said, giving him a hug.

"Wait, wait, everyone, I gotta say something important first." he said. "I can't take the victory by myself. All those ties that happened in all those contests just showed that neither of us is better than the other. We're equally destructive! And that's why Hunter, I want you to take half of the prize."

He lit up. "Shawn, uh-you sure, man? It's yours, fair and square!" he exclaimed.

"You and I both know that you deserve this check just as much as I do. We're splittin the cash, take it or leave it." he said with a smile.

"I'll take it! Thanks, buddy!" he said gratefully.

"Let's hear it for our final two!" announced Maria.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered while balloons and sparkles rained down.

"So, parasites, what are you gonna waste all that money on?" asked Jericho.

"Well, you won it, man, you choose." said Hunter.

"Ok, I've thought about this and now I know...I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!" Shawn exclaimed happily. "And I'm inviting you all to come with me!"

"YAY!" everyone cheered.

"And the best part of all this is, it's OVER!" cheered Hunter. "Let's party it up, people!"

"Let the good times roll." announced Matt.

"YEAH!" everyone else agreed.

"Can you believe it, John, we're all going to Disneyland!" exclaimed Candice.

He gave her a kiss. "And finally, my dream of meeting Donald Duck will be fufilled." he said proudly.

"WHOO HOO! I GET TO TAKE RANDY TO DISNEYLAND!" exclaimed Natalya.

Once after she said that, two cops came to the set.

"Rand, what's going on?" asked Michelle.

"I called the authorities to get rid of her." he replied.

"Natalya?" asked one officer.

"That's my name, don't wear it out." she replied.

"Yeah, we're with the psychiatric unit and we've gotten a report to take you to the nearest psychiatric facility." said one officer.

"WHAT? I'M NOT CRAZY! Well, crazy for Randy, but I'm not crazy, what the hell are you doing?" she demanded, being put into a straitjacket and being wheeled away.

"Let's go, missy." the second officer said, wheeling her away.

"No. NOOOOOOOO! RANDY ORTON, I LOVE YOU!..." she cried while she was being wheeled away for good.

"YES!" Randy cried happily. "She's FINALLY outta my hair!"

"Calls for another celebration." Michelle said, making out with him.

"Well, people, have we had a great time here or what?" asked Mickie.

"Insane! I admit, I'm really gonna miss this place." replied Jeff.

"So will I." agreed Kelly. "We've really been through a lot together here before you were eliminated."

"I know. But hey, our adventure's only beginning, Kel, remember that. As long as we have each other, we'll make it through anything." he said sincerely.

She smiled. "Oh, Jeff, I love you." she replied happily.

"I love you too, Kelly." he replied before they kissed.

"Guys, guys, guess what?" Melina asked excitedly.

"What's up?" asked Mickie.

"Well, Morrison just called me and he told me how much he missed me and I told him how much I missed him and we decided that we're going out again!" she said quickly but happily.

"Aww, congratulations, Mel!" exclaimed Kelly.

"See, good things do happen once you get rid of a slimeball like Randy!" exclaimed Jeff.

"I HEARD THAT, HARDY!" Orton cried.

"I'm gonna ask him to come to Disney with us!" she said, quickly dialing her phone.

"Well, people, I'm shocked." Dave told Shawn and Hunter.

"Shocked because I beat you? Shocked because WE beat you?" Shawn asked with a smile.

"Well, yeah. But I've dealt with the pain of losing, and...I just wanted to say sorry for giving you all a hard time lately." he replied.

"Hmm. Well, you did pull off a lot of crap over the past few weeks." said Hunter.

"Well, he DID say he was sorry." replied Shawn.

"Eh, all right, it's cool." Hunter said, shaking Dave's hand.

"Sweet, I'm going to Disneyland. *dials phone* Johnson, I'm cutting off all ties with you as of now. I'm headed to Disneyland. Goodbye." he said.

So, while everyone celebrated onstage while Shawn and Hunter held up their check, Jericho said, "Well, there you have it, parasites, the madness is over...for now. Y2J, Chris Jericho here with the Big Show-"

"That's me!" he interrupted.

"-Sign off to you, TV Land. Thanks for putting up with us again and see you later! Now where's my damn beer, Big Show?" he demanded while the audience cheered for everyone onstage.

"And if you're not down with that, we got two words for ya!" exclaimed Shawn.

Then, the two did their patented DX crotch chop!

"SEE YA!" the two exclaimed.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Now of course, that's not the end of the story. Jericho has another plan up his sleeve and the castmates will be in for a rude awakening.<strong>_


	34. Episode 30, pt 1

Total WWE Action!: We Didn't Start the Fire

Episode 30

*Cue theme music*

"Hey, everybody, and welcome to Hollywood Access! I'm Tiffany..." she began.

"With the one and only John Morrison here with another installment of the most up-to-date Hollywood sightings this side of the country!" he exclaimed.

"Now as you all know, the second season of the Total WWE series, titled, Total WWE Action was just completed, and with the help of some top secret executives, we've been following on the lives of the contestants and how they've been managing their already famous lives with even more fame!" exclaimed Tiffany.

"That's right, Tiff, and for our first update, let's check up on our friends Triple H and Shawn Michaels and see what they've been up to." added John.

"All right, and John?" she asked.

"Yeah, Tiff?" he asked.

"Don't call me Tiff."

"Point taken. Now since the two took the prize last season, they've been in and out of trouble ever since..." Morrison continued.

_Flashback..._

In New Mexico, Shawn and Hunter were in this museum, where all there was to talk about was pancakes...

"...and the pancake first originated in Medieval Europe, around 1400 B.C." said the tour guide.

"Ooh." Shawn said, amazed, his eyes locked on a glass case enclosing a golden pancake. "Look, Hunter, the most golden pancake ever cooked."

He yawned. "I don't understand why they don't just eat it instead of putting in under a picture frame." he replied.

"You can't eat something as precious as this!" Shawn cried. "This is amazing!"

"Sure it is, dude." Hunter said, bored. "Next time, I get to choose the trip. We could've done a lot better with what was left of our money, you know."

"Hey, this is worth the $500 we paid to get in here, and you're gonna enjoy this trip because we may never get to come here again!" he argued.

"We wouldn't want that, now would we?" he asked dully, while Shawn pouted at him and went back to staring at the pancake.

While he looked around, he noticed a red button on a metal box. "Ooh, what does this button do?" he asked with a mischievous smile, pushing it.

After that, sirens and alarms went off, while security guards quickly surrounded the two.

"Hunter, what did you DO?" demanded Shawn.

"I just pushed a button." he said innocently.

While the guards brought out their weapons, he added, "Uh...It'll never happen again?"

"GAH!" Shawn cried while they backed into a wall.

Morrison VO: "So after that, the two degenerates were arrested and taken to New Mexico's state prison, where they served a whopping 45 minutes behind bars."

While they got their mugshot photos, Shawn looked totally frightened, while Hunter smiled and signaled the peace sign.

"After their release, every paparazzi on the block wanted to know their feelings on the subject." Morrison continued.

While the two were leaving the jail, hoards of photographers and interviewers were crowding them.

"Hey, what is your views on your conviction?-What's freedom feeling like for you two?-What are you planning after the second season?-What-who-where?" everyone asked at once.

"Hunter, hide me." Shawn cried, wearing dark sunglasses and a hood to cover himself.

"All right, all right, people, we have no comment on the situation, all right?" Hunter called to everyone, putting an arm around Shawn.

"But what about-" began a reporter.

"NO COMMENT, DAMN IT!" Hunter cried, shoving the camera away.

"Looks like they won't be out of the spotlight for a while." concluded Tiffany. "Meanwhile, we all remember our cuisine queen Mickie James from last season, who now endorses the all new Chop Chop! Take a look!"

_Flashback..._

"Hey, Mickie J here with the all new Chop Chop! Who needs knives and all that when you got every cooking utensil wrapped into one cute little package? See with this, you can chop your nuts, your Oreos, your M&M's, yeah, I said nuts, and there you got yourself a nice batch of trail mix in under 15 seconds! You can even make salads with this beauty, see, isn't this fun? You add the greens, the tomatoes, the carrots, whatever you like and you got a happy salad and you got a happy day! Look at this, we can even get rid of that annoying apple skin you don't want. We got a lot of things we don't want, I mean, look at this economy, we don't want to cry anymore. And not only can we make regular salads, we can make whatever we want, look, beenie, weenie, panini, zuccini! With this, you'll be chopping your troubles away! And that's not all, if you want to clean this cutie, just pop off the lid, thing opens up like a butterfly, life is good." she said, tossing the Chop Chop away, bonking someone in the head.

"OW!" he cried from a distance.

"Hey, Jericho, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"This is MY kitchen!" he cried angrily.

"Oh. Well, you know the way out." she said, shoving him away. "And with all this thing does, all it costs is an unbelievable $19.99! Order yours today!" she exclaimed.

...

"And it's not just Mickie who's into infomercials, our old pal Dave found himself a side job doing something...which is more like a love letter to himself..." Morrison said.

_Flashback..._

"Get bigger, get faster, and get stronger with Body by Dave!" he exclaimed. "With this state-of-the-art home gym, you can get your workout on any day of the week, anytime you want! All you need is 450 minutes, and this picture of me to motivate you. See, you don't want to end up looking like this poor sap right here." he said, while the camera looked towards Big Show.

"HEY!" he cried, eating a twinkie.

"With moves like the Animal, the Torpedo, the Macarena, and even the Jerk, you'll get guaranteed results, every time! With your order, you'll also receive a free DVD with tips for how to become almost as awesome as me. So if you want to look like me, order...NOW!" he cried, tugging the string so much that the entire wall behind him collapsed, revealing two guys playing poker in a back room.

"Order for the low, low price of $10,000." he said quickly.

...

"A love letter to himself, indeed." agreed Tiffany. "Getting away from infomercials, our friends CM Punk, Maria, Jeff Hardy, and Kelly Kelly all took a trip on the wild side after documenting their various trips all around the globe...

_Flashback..._

"And...action!" Kelly cried, holding a camera.

"Hey, it's the WildDudes live in Tasmania, Australia, mates!" exclaimed Punk.

"Yeah, home of the Tasmanian Devil. Now it's a well known fact that these little guys are dangerous, and you're not supposed to go anywhere near them." added Jeff.

"But we're the WildDudes, so we'll do it anyway. Now, one of the main food sources of the Tasmanian Devil are of course...wombats." Punk said, holding up a costume wombat head. "Now most people wouldn't want to go near these guys cause they're dangerous, well, so what?"

"That's stupid." Jeff said with a laugh. "We're gonna go pay these dudes a little visit."

After that, the two pranced around in their wombat costumes, while the Tasmanian Devil screeched loudly and sped towards them.

"Oh, sh-(bleep)!" Jeff cried once the Taz almost attacked him.

"AAH!" Punk cried, quickly tossing the head away while the Taz furiously ripped it apart and then snarled towards the guys, while they quickly ran away.

"Holy crap." Punk said with a chuckle.

"Maybe we should try something else." Maria replied, glaring at Punk. "I spent 40 freakin hours making those damned costumes!"

"Why yell at me?" he cried. "Jeff had just as much to do with this as I did!"

Both of them blushed.

"Uh, guys?" demanded Kelly.

"Just cause!" Maria cried quickly.

Later...

"Action!" exclaimed Kelly.

"Ok, now we're in the homeland of the Australian Magpie, impressive birds with their distinctive black and white plumage and melodic warbling." announced Punk.

"So, let's try and see if one of these little guys want to sing for the camera." replied Jeff. "Here's one. Hey, little dude, want to sing us a little song-OW!" he cried, speeding away once the bird bit him. "Guess he wasn't in the mood." he said with a chuckle.

"CUT!" Kelly replied. "There's gotta be a place where you guys don't end up nearly killing yourselves."

"Hmm..." the boys thought.

Somewhere else, Punk smiled happily and was about to stick his head inside of an alligator's mouth when Maria quickly pulled him away. "PHIL!" she cried sternly.

Later still...

"And now, I will attempt to eat the delicacy of Thailand, the fried Giant Waterbug." Punk announced shakily, cautiously picking one up.

"Don't piss yourself, dude, they're already dead. Just pretend they're fried chicken or something." replied Jeff.

"All right, bottoms up." he said, putting the bug in his mouth with a loud *CRUNCH!*

"Oh, my God, I can't watch this." Kelly said, hiding in Jeff's arms.

"Punky, you know we won't be kissing for a while after this, right?" asked Maria.

"Hey, this isn't half bad!" he exclaimed, eating the whole thing...

"5..4..3..2.." counted Jeff.

And Punk barfed the mess back up.

In England, the boys (dressed in bunny suits) were speeding away from a rampaging elephant who was chasing them.

"As the WildDudes, we love animals, and we'd never hurt them." called Jeff.

"So people, don't try this at home." added Punk. "Run, dude, RUN!"

...

"You know, this just may be a crazy thought, but I predict some kind of crazy love square between those four." said Morrison.

"As in, both couples split up and new couples form. Very interesting thought." she agreed.

"And if that wasn't as crazy enough, Edge got himself a side career directing movies. Take a look at this exclusive interview from the set of one of his productions..." began Morrison.

_Flashback..._

"So yeah, now we're on the set of my masterpiece in the making, Jason Massacres Japan And All Who Inhabit It!" Edge exclaimed, in a director's chair. "See, it's about how Jason goes on a mass murdering spree all across Japan, while fighting off Godzilla who believes that he's invaded his own personal territory. Then, the mutant alien sheep interfere in the fight and turn everyone there into glowing slime covered vegetables. Avatar, eat your heart out cause this man's the next genius of Tinsel town!" he exclaimed, then seeing an intern walking across his set. "Hey-HEY! You (bleep)-ing moron, what the flipping hell are you (bleep)-ing doing walking all over my (bleep)-ing set? NOBODY walks on my (bleep)-ing set, I mean NOBODY, damn it! Now go get my goddamn latte you (bleep)-ing DONKEY!"

Upset, the poor intern quickly ran away.

"Fat sack of...yankee dankee doodle...*sigh* a director/screenwriter/producer/designer's work is never done, but at least it pays. Oh, Randy, if you could just see how successful I am on my own." he said with a satisfied smile, while he didn't notice the set behind him bursting into flames and all hell breaking loose.

...

"Ok, now in our studio we have one of the most, uh, unique members of the cast, Michelle McCool!" exclaimed Tiffany.

"Uh, I'm more than unique. I'm flawless, one of a kind..." she began.

"*cough-skinny-cough*" Morrison said, turning the other way.

"What?" she demanded.

"Nothing. So, what have you been doing ever since season 2 ended?" he asked.

"Well, I've recently been featured in a Revlon commercial, and they say I've been the best model they've ever had." she said proudly.

"Sure." Tiffany said dully, rolling her eyes. "So let's roll the commercial before she keeps talking."

"HEY!" she cried, offended.

On the TV, a commercial with Michelle in a fancy dress was on.

"Let's talk about the new improved kiss." she said, twirling around. _"New and improved Colorstay lipcolor! Now moisturizes with aloe and vitamin e! Makes your lips..._Michelle: "Soft, smooth." Announcer: _"Stays on for hours!"_ Michelle: "And it won't kiss off on him...or him." Announcer: _"Try new Colorstay and get smoother, colorful lips yourself only from Revlon!" _Michelle: "New and improved Colorstay." Announcer: _"Moisture for your lips!"_ Michelle: "Because women like me deserve it all." REVLON."

"So, what do you think?" Michelle asked them. "Flawless, eh?"

Tiffany clapped halfheartedly while John swung around in his chair.

"Uh huh." he said dully.

"Uh, actually I believe that my Maybelline commercial beat Revlon's by a mile." Melina announced, joining them.

"Mel!" John lit up.

"Hey, Melina! So you've been in a commercial, too? Let's roll the clip!" announced Tiffany.

On the TV...

Melina: "Watch color come alive! It's Moisture Extreme lipcolor from Maybelline NY, way more improved than Revlon! Deep moisture creates our most sumptuous color ever! 3 times the power of a lip balm and SPF 15. See for yourself! Color goes deep and moisture comes alive! Reds pop, pinks blossom, and plums go richer! A true breakthrough! Extreme moisture, sumptuous color, Extreme Moisture from Maybelline NY." (Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Maybelline!)

"So?" asked Melina.

"That was amazing!" exclaimed Tiffany.

"I love you." John said with googly eyes.

She giggled. "I love you too." she replied while they shared a kiss.

"HEY! How dare you have the nerve to upstage me?" demanded Michelle.

"Just face it, Michelle. Whatever you can do, I can do WAY better!" she replied with a smile.

"Oh, yeah? We'll see about that!" she cried, tackling Melina to the ground.

While the girls fought, Morrison said, "Buy new Moisture Extreme Lipcolor from Maybelline NY. Melina wears it well."

"Meanwhile in the lives of our friends, John Cena, Candice Michelle, Matt Hardy, and Randy Orton, they all found a job co hosting the NFL Sunday broadcast. Take a look." said Tiffany.

_Flashback..._

After the theme music played, the four were shown sitting around a large table.

"Hello, and welcome to another edition of NFL Sunday. I'm John Cena-" he began.

"Everyone knows who you are, you don't gotta broadcast it to the world." Randy said dully.

He glared at him. "...along with the beautiful Candice Michelle..." he continued.

She blushed. "Aw, how sweet!" she exclaimed.

"...Matt Hardy..." he continued.

"I have nothing to say." he said blankly.

"...and everyone's favorite camper, Randy Orton." he finished.

"Huh." he grumbled.

"So let's start off on today's game predictions." announced Candice. "I really think that Aaron Rodgers had a strong start to the season, I mean, the first quarterback to throw for 4,000 yards in each of his first two seasons as a starter. Not bad, not bad."

"Agreed, and remember that play by Tom Brady during the 2008 NFL season? I gotta tell ya, the guy's unstoppable!" exclaimed John.

"Yeah, I remember that throw." Randy said, getting up and grabbing a football. "It was like this, right?" he asked, purposely tossing the football at Cena.

"Uh, OW?" he cried. "No, you snake, the throw specifically went like this!" he exclaimed, tossing the football back at Randy, hitting him square in the face.

"Knock it off, Cena!" Orton cried, tossing the football back at him.

"Make me!" he argued, forcefully tossing the football back.

"Uh, guys? Guys?" asked Candice while they were still fighting.

"Forget it, they're not gonna listen. I need a coffee." Matt said dully, heading off.

Candice looked at the two and agreed, "Yeah, I'm with you." she said, shaking her head.

_Back to today..._

"And last but not least, we all remember our psychotic friend, Natalya, who's agreed to let MTV Cribs take a tour of her...psychiatric ward." Morrison said slowly. "Ok, who in their right mind would have the nerve to interview her?"

"John, relax and just enjoy the clip." replied Tiffany.

_Flashback..._

"Hello, and welcome to my lair! Come on in. Ok, first, I must tell you all to feast your eyes on the amazing sight you are about to witness. Here we go." she said, opening the door to find Randy on every inch of the room! "Here it is, my paradise featuring my one true love, Randy Keith Orton. I know everything there is to know about him, from what his favorite music is, to the color of his undies, hehe. So here we have my poster collection of him. God, isn't he gorgeous? Here's a few of his clothes, and even a snippet of his shirt that he wore the day I kissed him! EEE! And here's my personal favorite. This Randy doll I made myself, and he even speaks!" she exclaimed, holding him up.

_"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I AM GREATNESS!" _the doll said.

"Wow." she sighed happily. "And in addition to that, I even made a mini doll of me to go with him!" she exclaimed, holding up her doll which laughed in the creepiest doll voice ever heard. If that wasn't freaky enough, Nattie started laughing evilly along with her doll and the cameraman slowly backed out of the room.

...

"So, that's what's going on with our contestants. Some of them made it even bigger, while others fell flat." concluded Tiffany.

"Yes, but just how long will their fame last now that the Zemmie awards are on tonight? The awards show honoring the best in daytime television?" asked Morrison.

"Well, the series has a whopping 5 nominations, so they should be hard to beat while Jericho's in the lead." she replied. "What do you think, John?"

"Well, Tiff, there's only one way to find out, and that's to tune in to the Zemmies tonight at 8pm where anybody who's anybody's gonna be there. This is John Morrison..." he began.

"And Tiffany signing out. From all of us at Hollywood Access, have a great night! And John?" she asked.

"Yep?"

"Do. Not. Call. Me. Tiff." she said threateningly.

"Oh, of course you go all rabid on me when the cameras go out!" he exclaimed.

* * *

><p>Later that night, the gang all heard about their place at the Zemmie awards, and reunited to show up at the ceremony...<p>

"Hey, you guys-what's up?" they all greeted once they all arrived on the red carpet.

"Can you guys believe we're actually here at the Zemmie awards?" exclaimed Mickie.

"I know! Finally all that hard labor and abuse we took from Jericho's gonna pay off." agreed Punk. "Where is Jericho, anyway?"

"Does it matter?" asked Hunter. "The less we see of him, the better! So, where have you guys been lately?"

"Not in jail like you." Randy replied with a smirk.

"Shut your face, Orton!" he snapped back.

"Yeah, don't remind us of the torment I had to endure during that 45 minutes! I'm a good Christian man, I don't deserve to go to jail!" cried Shawn. "It's all your fault, Hunter."

"Oh, stop it. Everything's fine now, we're free men." he replied.

"Well, at least you two haven't been pecked by birds, chased by elephants, and ambushed by kangaroos." replied Jeff.

"You mean, the WildDudes trip didn't work out?" asked Candice.

"It worked, but not for the boys." replied Kelly.

"I will never eat another fried waterbug in my life." Punk said, traumatized.

"And you better not stick your head in any animal's mouth again, either!" scolded Maria.

"But-" he began.

"PHIL!" she cried.

"I'll be quiet." he said quickly.

"Well, my infomercial for the Chop Chop was a success! Even though Jericho banned me from his kitchen." replied Mickie.

"Well, I thought I'd do better with my Body By Dave gym set. I was persuasive enough!" exclaimed Dave.

"Yeah, nobody's gonna pay $10,000 for cheap advertising." replied Cena.

"Oh, stuff it, Cena! Besides, your little football show didn't work out, either!" he replied.

"It was all Orton's fault! He started the fight!" he argued. "Right, guys?"

"Of course!" agreed Candice.

"Whatever." Matt said unenthusiastically.

"I don't care what any of you say! I work better alone, anyway!" Randy cried angrily.

"That's right, Randy! And Melina, you will never upstage me in any makeup commercial again, got it?" demanded Michelle.

"Shut it, thunder thighs." she replied with a smirk.

"WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?" she demanded.

"Jeez, she's just as loud as you, Orton." replied Maria.

"I know." he said with a smile.

"Well, my movie career's gone down the toilet." Edge said grumpily.

"Well, I'm sure that cursing your crew out and harassing them helped the cause." Randy said sarcastically.

"They didn't listen to me! Those mindless donuts couldn't make a Jason/Godzilla/Alien mutant sheep movie if they could!" he cried.

"Hey, guys, we better go inside, the awards is about to start." announced Hunter.

Before they went inside, Jericho and Big Show blocked the entrance.

"Move outta the way so we can get in!" exclaimed Punk.

"I'm afraid that won't be happening." replied Big Show.

"What do you mean?" asked Mickie.

"See, parasites, after all the success I've had after the past few seasons, I've decided that I'm gonna start a new reality series entitled, 'Road Rules Rules Canada.'" he said. "It's set in Vancouver, Canada, and it'll feature various Disney channel stars from today, featuring Hannah Montana."

Shocked, everyone made disgusted faces at him.

"Are you smoking something, dude?" asked Edge.

"Nope. So what I'm trying to say's that you're no longer a part of my franchise, therefore you're banned from the awards ceremony." he announced.

"WHAT?" they demanded.

"Dude, that's totally unfair!" cried Jeff. "We tolerated your crap for the past 2, 3 years and this is the thanks we get?"

"Yeah, seriously, you can't just shun us out like that!" agreed Kelly.

"I already did. Now after the awards, Big Show and I'll be heading to Burbank, California to appear on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno to announce the new show to the world." he announced.

"But-But you can't just replace us like this! What about all the times we've shared together?" asked Melina.

Then, Show and Jericho looked at each other and laughed.

"Yeah, like I'd want to remember all those painful times." he replied.

"Well, this is just-Christian?" Edge said while everyone caught him walking past them on the red carpet. "How'd you get here, man?"

"Hey, guys." he greeted, casually walking inside. "Nice night, isn't it?"

"Have a good time, dude." Jericho told him as he walked in. "Find yourself a good seat."

"HEY! Why the hell does HE get to go in and we don't?" demanded Randy.

"Because he's a part of my new show! Now the awards is starting, bye wormies!" he exclaimed, slamming the door behind him, leaving everyone out in the dust.

Silence.

"Well, this bites." declared Dave.

* * *

><p>Later, they found a TV and decided to watch the awards from a small shack by the theater...<p>

"How could he have the nerve to do this to us?" demanded Shawn. "After all we did for him, and he takes our glory!"

"Not to mention our fame." Maria agreed sadly.

_"Yes, I knew we'd win all 5 awards we were nominated for, and there's a special group of people that I'd like to thank for my success."_ Jericho said on the TV.

"Hey, maybe he does still remember us." replied Melina.

_"Big Show, and all my interns for all the money they've brung me. Thank you."_ he finished.

"Never mind." she replied, crossing her arms.

"We can't just let him go off and start a new show without us. We were here first, right?" asked Mickie.

"Yeah, but what can we do about it?" asked Hunter.

"I can help you with that!" exclaimed a voice.

"Eve?" exclaimed Maria.

"Hey, guys, haven't seen you since the Disneyland trip!" she exclaimed. "Look, I've heard about what Jericho's trying to do to you, and frankly that's just straight up rude!"

"You've been eavesdropping on us, haven't you?" asked Matt.

"Uh huh!" she replied happily. "Anyways, I have a plan to help you get the show back."

"Tell us!" they exclaimed.

"Ok, I heard that after the awards, Christian's gonna be driving all through California picking up the Disney stars while they head to Canada. We could find a way to stop him, then we head to Burbank to the Jay Leno show and stop Jericho before he ruins all your lives! What do you think?" she asked.

"You know, that may be just crazy enough to work." agreed Cena.

"But how are we gonna get to California in such a short amount of time?" asked Candice.

"I know! Let's ask the alien mutant sheep to take us there!" exclaimed Edge.

Everyone looked at him.

"Uh, I was thinking maybe a bus." Eve said sheepishly.

"Where are we gonna find a bus?" asked Punk.

*BEEP BEEP!* "Hello!" Natalya exclaimed, in the front seat of a bus.

"Oh, hell no." Randy muttered, shocked.

"Hell yes!" exclaimed Hunter. "C'mon, gang, let's go!"

As they all boarded the bus, Randy stayed outside. "I'm not going 500 feet near that basket case!"

"All right, we'll just leave you here while we try and reclaim what's ours, and you can just stay here and continue being the desperate mess that you are." Jeff replied.

He growled. "I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THAT, HARDY!" he cried, leaping onto the bus.

"Hi, Randy! I missed you!" Natalya exclaimed, hugging him.

"Get away from him!" Michelle exclaimed, trying to pull her away.

"Ok, I'm driving this thing so basket case can't distract me." Randy said, leaping into the driver's seat.

"No way, you'll make us crash! I'll drive!" argued Cena.

"I'm a way better driver than both of you combined!" argued Hunter. "Let me in the driver's seat!"

And while the guys argued, Shawn casually led them away and took the driver's seat. "Now that that's done, everyone settled in?"

"YEAH!" they exclaimed.

"And look, there's Christian now!" Kelly exclaimed, seeing him board another bus and head off.

"Well, hold tight everyone, cause we've got a Jericho to stop." Shawn said seriously, speeding away from the theater.

* * *

><p>As the bus drove on full speed, everyone had to hold onto something in order to make sure they wouldn't fly off of the bus.<p>

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" everyone screamed in terror while the bus twirled around and around down a steep hill.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Shawn laughed crazily.

"Shawn, give me the wheel!" Hunter cried, struggling to get to the steering wheel.

"No, I'm havin fun!" he exclaimed happily. "Now sit back!"

Meanwhile, in a peaceful nature setting, all types of forest animals were going about their usual activities, until the bus suddenly ripped through the forest, scaring the animals away!

After another 5 minutes of reckless driving, the bus finally came to a stop.

"So, I'm a good driver after all, eh?" Shawn asked with a smile.

As a response, everyone (either scared or traumatized) looked back at him.

"C-Can we go get something to eat now?" Hunter asked meekly.

Then, they saw Christian's bus speed past theirs.

"No time for food, we gotta stop him!" exclaimed Cena.

"I'm on it!" Shawn exclaimed, following him.

"Whoa, ok, since you almost killed us, it's my turn to drive!" Hunter said, taking the driver's seat.

"Well, fine, Hot Shot! Try and be a better driver than I am!" Shawn pouted.

What they didn't know, was that Jericho and Big Show were in a private jet, watching the whole thing.

"Wow, I didn't know they cared so much about us." said Show.

"Yeah, it's touching, really. Let's just see how far they'll go while they keep buying that story I told them." Jericho said with a chuckle. "Road Rules Rules Canada.' What kind of a moron would come up with a show like that?"

Show looked at him. "You." he replied.

"Shut up, Big Show!" he snapped, following the chase.

Back in the bus...

"Randy, guess what? I dedicated my psychiatric ward to you! I even created a Randy voodoo doll!" Natalya exclaimed, showing him a doll with pins and needles.

"I wish lightning would strike me." he said miserably.

"Oh, Rand..." Michelle said sympathetically. "Natalya, how the hell did you escape that place anyway? I thought it was guarded with maximum security."

"Pff. I scared those pansies away. So I easily escaped." she replied.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but good for you, Nattie!" exclaimed Melina. "Make Michelle miserable."

"Oh, who asked you, you pint sized Mexican shrimp?" demanded Michelle.

"Coming from the girl with the mediocre makeup commercial. Here, Nattie, try some Maybelline Extreme Moisture. I got a huge supply of the stuff." she told her.

"Ooh, thanks!" she exclaimed. "Now Randy'll adore me!"

As a reply, Randy repeatedly bonked his head on the window.

Meanwhile...

"Hey, Matt, I haven't seen you in a while." Eve said, blushing.

"Yeah, I know." he replied.

"So...how's life?" she asked. "Anything new happen?"

"Nope." he said unenthusiastically.

"Did you go anywhere, do something cool?" she asked.

"Nope." he repeated.

"Uh...ok. Mind if I sit here with you?" she asked.

He just shrugged.

"YIPPEE!" she exclaimed excitedly.

Meanwhile, the bus drove up to Christian's bus, and managed to speed ahead of him...

"Yes, we've got him cornered!" exclaimed Hunter.

"This is our chance to stop him! What should we do?" asked Mickie.

"Uh, we can throw this uh, what the hell is this thing?" Jeff asked, looking at this giant slimy slug thing on the back door of the bus.

"Hmm. Looks like the rare Peruvian sea slug." replied Punk. "Wow, I remembered something!"

"This slug might be our only weapon. Let's use it!" exclaimed Kelly.

"I don't wanna touch that thing!" whimpered Maria, hiding behind Jeff.

"Ugh, I gotta do everything, don't I?" Edge demanded, getting up and ripping the slug off of the back door. "Hey, Christian!" he greeted.

"Edge, what's up, man?" he greeted back.

"Same old, same old. Look, man, I'm sorry, but we gotta throw this slug at you." he called back.

"What?" Christian asked, confused.

*SLPAT!* the slug landed square in his view.

"Headshot!" Edge exclaimed.

"All right, we stopped him! Now all we gotta do is head over to California to stop Jericho!" exclaimed Candice.

"WHOO!" everyone exclaimed, celebrating.

Meanwhile, Christian chuckled and replied, "Those guys are awesome. Just wait until Jericho hears about this."


	35. Episode 30, pt 2

A few hours later, the bus drove into a hotel parking lot...

"Why are we at a hotel?" asked Shawn.

"Well, the Jay Leno show doesn't start until tonight, since we've been driving all night. And I'm sure Jericho's slow ass didn't make it here yet, so we might as well stay here until the show starts." announced Hunter.

"Hmm. You'd think a hotel in California would be more...glamorous." Michelle said, looking around.

After they all arrived in their hotel room, Jeff said, "You sure we're allowed to just walk right in and stay here?"

"Why not? Nobody's stopping us." replied Hunter.

"Something about this place is strange, like it doesn't seem like we're in Burbank." announced John.

"So where are we, then?" asked Candice.

Then all of a sudden, rounds of bullets crashed through the windows!

"EVERYBODY, GET DOWN!" cried Cena.

Everyone hid for cover until the round of shots ended. After that, Dave leaped up, grabbed a random gun, and fired shots back at them. "Prudes." he muttered.

"Hunter, this is COMPTON, not Burbank!" exclaimed Melina.

"Oh, so THAT explains all the shooting." he said meekly. "Sorry."

"No time, we gotta get back on the bus and catch Jericho before he ruins all your lives!" exclaimed Eve.

When they heard more guns clicking, Shawn cried, "Go, go, go, GO! Start up the bus before we all get shot!"

So for hours after that, the gang sped through California, trying to locate Burbank, but would instead run into another problem...

"Damn it, couldn't somebody bring a map, at least?" Hunter said, aggravated. "We've been driving out here for 5 hours and I can't even find the place!"

"Well, you almost got us killed earlier, taking us all to Compton, so maybe you better let me drive this time." Cena said, trying to get ahold of the wheel.

"No, Cena! I'm perfectly capable of driving this bus!" Hunter argued, pushing him away.

"Come on, you've been driving forever, let someone else take a turn!" John argued.

"Cena, let go of the wheel!" he argued.

While they were fighting, they didn't realize when the bus took a sharp turn and was headed straight for a cliff!

"GUYS, EYES ON THE ROAD!" Melina cried.

The guys looked up ahead and screamed.

"Look what you made me do, Cena!" Hunter exclaimed, trying to step on the brake, except that it didn't work. "Damn it."

"Oh no, are we gonna blow up?-Are we gonna die?" everyone cried at once.

"I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Shawn cried dramatically, clinging onto Hunter's shirt. "I'm a good Christian man, I don't deserve this kind of punishment!"

"Randy, stick with me, and we'll LIVE!" Natalya exclaimed, clinging onto his arm. "Our love will prevail all!"

Then, Randy shook away from her and climbed into the first seat. "Ok, I'm ready." he said dully.

"Matt, isn't there something we can do?" Eve asked frantically.

"Honestly, I see no hope in this situation." he said halfheartedly.

"Guys, what are we gonna do?" demanded Maria.

"I got it! Let's act like the Saskatchewan Ferruginous Buzzard and fly outta here! We have to call the other birds to guide us. Caw CAW, caw CAW, caw CAW!" Punk cried, until Jeff repeatedly slapped him across the face.

"OW!" he cried. "What was that for?"

"Punk, have you been eating too many of those fried waterbugs? No damned birdcall is gonna save us from something like this!" Jeff exclaimed.

Meanwhile, Hunter and Cena tried to stop the bus, but couldn't.

"Well, this ain't fun." John said meekly while Candice took his arm.

"Brace yourselves, guys!" called Hunter.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they all screamed once they flew off of the cliff.

Up ahead in the jet, Jericho and Big Show saw the whole scene...

"Well, it was nice knowing them." announced Show.

"Yes, what a shame, what a shame, but it's better them than me." replied Jericho.

"What about me?" he demanded.

"Oh, and, uh, you too, I guess." he said blankly. "Let's just see if those parasites survived or not."

* * *

><p>After the crash, the gang landed in a large ditch in one of California's wild forests.<p>

"Uh...hey! Guys, guys, wake up!" exclaimed Kelly.

"Glory be! We're still alive! Praise the lord!" exclaimed Shawn.

"And on top of that, we landed on this pretty, soft, red sand to break our fall!" exclaimed Maria.

"Maria, this isn't sand." replied Punk.

Silence.

"ANTS!" they all cried, speeding away.

A few minutes later, they all settled in and had to camp out.

"Ow." Jeff said, making sure that he was ok.

"You ok, Jeff?" asked Maria. "Oh no, you got a few ant bites on your leg."

"Eh, I'll be fine, you don't have to worry." he replied.

"Trust me, dude, I've gotten bitten by those things before and they sting like hell. Here, let me help you." she replied, taking care of his leg by wrapping a few bandages around it. "Feel better?"

He smiled. "Much. Thanks, Red."

She smiled back. "No prob, I hate seeing my best friend suffer."

"I'm not suffering right now, doc." he chuckled. And after a few seconds of gazing at one another, Kelly and Punk joined them. "Uh, should we be concerned about any of this at all?" asked Punk.

Not knowing what to say, the two just looked at one another.

"Well, so much for our plan." announced Hunter, lounging by a tree.

"Yeah, our bus is totaled, we have no idea where we are, and worst of all, there's no way we can stop Jericho from shutting us out." Mickie agreed.

"Aw, don't be a bunch of crybabies! Let's just hitchhike to Burbank. I'm sure it's not that far." replied Edge.

"How can we hitchhike there if we have no idea where we are now?" demanded Michelle.

"Well, fine! Let's just stay here and do nothing." he replied.

"For once, I agree with him." added Matt.

"Guys, do you hear yourselves?" asked John. "Talking about giving up, not doing anything about the situation. We can't let Jericho do this to us! There's more of us than there is of him! We've worked under him for the past couple of years, and nobody can replace us. WE'RE his parasites, no one else is! So we have to team up and think of a plan in order to stop him before the matter gets worse!"

"John's right!" agreed Eve. "Let's find a way to get our bus fixed!"

"And we can go look for somebody who can help us!" exclaimed Maria.

"I'll sit here and do nothing." Randy replied, reading a magazine.

"Oh, Randy, I'll sit here and do nothing with you." Natalya agreed, gazing at him.

"Tell you what, why don't you go and look for help with the others? That way, the time we spend away from one another will only make you miss me more." he replied, not looking at her.

She lit up. "YES, my Randy!" she exclaimed, running off with Punk, Maria, and Dave.

"Not." Randy muttered while he and Michelle laughed and knuckle punched.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Mickie was out searching for some kind of civilization, but would run into a familiar face...<p>

"Hello? Anybody out here?" she called.

No reply.

She sighed. "We really are stranded." she said disappointedly.

Then, there was a rustling in the bushes.

"Huh?" she asked, whipping around. "Who's there?"

*crunch crunch*

"Seriously, this isn't funny! Who's there?" she demanded.

"Wha-who-WHOA!" Evan Bourne cried, falling from out of the bushes.

"Evan?" Mickie asked, surprised.

"Mickie!" he exclaimed, blushing. "I haven't seen you in a while."

"Same here! How'd you get here?" she asked.

"Uh, to tell you the truth, I was in the back of the bus the whole time." he replied.

"How? None of us saw you." she replied.

"Actually, I was trying to put something in the trunk, I fell in, and got locked inside." he replied with a chuckle.

"That's terrible! Are you sure you're ok?" she asked, helping him up.

"Totally fine." he replied, smiling at her.

She smiled back.

"So, what's going on with-wha-uh oh!" he cried, getting tangled in the bushes and then stumbling all over the place, getting tangled in roots while he accidentally ripped flowers off of their bushes, and then he finally freed himself and tried to gain his composure back.

"..." Mickie replied, speechless. "Evan, you ok?" she asked.

"Yeah, happens all the time." he said, realizing that he still held some flowers. "For you." he replied, giving them to her.

She blushed. "Oh, Evan, how sweet of you!" she exclaimed. "Thanks."

"No problem." he replied.

"C'mon, let's go see what the others are up to." she replied.

"Ok." he replied, then bumping into a tree. "OW! I'm all right, let's go." he said.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Punk, Maria, Natalya, and Dave all went out to search for some kind of help...<p>

"How could there be like, nobody here?" asked Maria.

"I dunno. Looks like some kinda ghost town." replied Dave. "I should call my lawyers and ask them what's going on-"

"Put it away." Punk and Maria said while Dave rolled his eyes and put his phone away.

"This would be the perfect honeymoon spot for Randy and I." Natalya said dreamily.

"In a deserted lot?" asked Dave.

"YES! Well, maybe I could add some penguins, but other than that it's perfect!" she exclaimed.

While she wasn't looking, Punk silently signaled the loopy sign with his finger while the other two agreed.

After walking for a while, Maria noticed a small, abandoned house up ahead.

"Look, guys! Maybe someone lives there and they can help us!" she exclaimed.

"Good thinking, Ria. Let us run like the Southwestern Asian Cheetahs!" Punk exclaimed while he took Maria's hand and ran off.

"WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWO!" Natalya called as she ran along.

Dave just looked at them, shook his head, and walked along.

Once they reached the old house, they knocked on the door.

"Hello?" called Maria. "Anybody home?"

No reply.

"Hey look, the door opened by itself. Let's just go in." replied Dave.

"We must be as quiet as the King Cobra." Punk said quietly.

"Enough with the animal references!" Dave shouted.

"SHH!" Maria shushed. "Quiet, you guys!"

Then, a middle-age looking man in overalls caught them.

"Oh, good, somebody's here. Excuse me, can you help-" began Maria.

"Pookie! I found nuther one of them!" exclaimed the guy.

"Dang it, paw, go 'n git em! Shoot to kill!" exclaimed some old lady from another room.

"Wait, we don't want anything from you, we just need your help!" Punk said quickly while the guy whipped out a BB gun.

"Ya'll best git offa my property!" he exclaimed, firing random shots.

"RUN!" cried Punk.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" they cried, speeding away.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Natalya laughed crazily.

"I'M CALLING MY LAWYER!" cried Dave.

"And STAY offa my property! Dang varmints." he said, going back inside.

"I wonder what ever happened to Christian." Punk said while they ran.

In a totally different part of where they were, Christian was getting pampered by women while sipping on a martini.

"Would you like another martini, Mr. Cage?" asked one of the masseuses.

"That would be lovely, thank you." he replied. "Ah, this is life. I hope the others are holding up well. I know I am, haha."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile...<p>

Hunter was out searching for some kind of thing to help them get found out.

"Hunter, what are you doing down there?" asked Shawn.

"Looking for anything that can help us be found by someone, like TNT or firecrackers, something like that." he replied, digging in the sand, not noticing that he was tossing the stuff all over Shawn.

"Uh, Hunter?" he asked.

"Not now, man."

"But, dude!" he cried.

"In a minute."

"HUNTER!" he shouted.

"Wha-Oh, my God! Shawn!" he cried, seeing Shawn being buried up to his neck. "Y-You're just a head!"

"Oh, AM I?" he demanded.

"So, uh, you're not mad at me, are you?" he asked.

He paused. "Somewhat." he replied.

"Guys, we found some food! We got donuts!" John called from their campsite.

"DONUTS? I'm there!" Hunter exclaimed, about to speed off, when Shawn bit his finger. "OW! You bit me!"

"GET ME OUTTA HERE!" Shawn screamed, annoyed.

"Fine." he replied, quickly pulling him out of the sand and onto his shoulder. "Now c'mon, let's hurry before they run outta the jelly filled ones."

* * *

><p>Back where everyone else was...<p>

"...And the skilled wolverine finds his prey in sight." Jeff said, chasing Kelly around.

She laughed. "And the defenseless little bunny tries to escape!"

"But it can't! His eyes are locked on the target, and he goes for the kill!" he exclaimed.

"The kill?-AAH!" she cried happily once they both fell to the ground.

"Face it, even if I really was a bunny, I'd never want to escape you." she said with a smile.

"Neither would the wolverine." Jeff said with a smile, giving her a kiss.

"Mmmm..." Kelly moaned as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Mm, Ria..." he accidentally muttered.

"What was that?" she asked quickly.

Shocked that he said Maria's name, he said, "Uh, I uh, asked if there were any pizzerias around here." he said quickly.

"Oh, ok then." she said unsurely.

"Hey," Jeff said, breaking away. "Something bit me."

"Well, it wasn't me." she replied. "It was probably a little gnat or something."

"No, now I can't feel my legs." he said, worried. "I can't feel anything!"

"What?" she exclaimed, then seeing a scorpion right by them. "AAH!"

"What?" Jeff asked. "What's going on?"

"Scorpion!" Kelly cried, lifting him up.

"Whoa!" Jeff cried in shock. "That thing bit me? Aren't they poisonous? What's gonna happen to me?"

"Wait, this looks like the same type of scorpion we saw when we were in England. And I don't think that kind is poisonous." she replied.

"I hope not." he replied.

"C'mon, let's go see if the others can help." she said, carrying him away.

Back at base camp...

"Candy! Candy, where'd you go?" John asked.

"John, what's up?" asked Melina.

"Candice is missing! Last time I saw her, she said she was going somewhere to freshen up but she's been gone for a while." he replied, concerned.

"Relax, John, Candy knows how to get around. She probably caught up with Punk and the others wherever they are." she replied.

"I hope she's all right." he replied.

"Guys, we need your help!" Kelly exclaimed, bringing in a paralyzed Jeff.

"Whoa, what happened to him?" asked Mickie.

"Yeah, you all right?" asked Evan.

"No." Jeff barely replied.

"He was stung by a scorpion, but it's not poisonous." explained Kelly.

"When can I move again?" asked Jeff.

Matt eyed him down. "I'd give it 24 hours, give or take." he replied, going back to his corner.

"24 HOURS?" he demanded. "Ok, I'm screwed."

"Don't worry, man, we'll take good care of our new statue." Hunter joked.

"Grr!" he growled.

Then, Randy walked up to him. "You know, you're totally defenseless and I could do whatever I wanted to you." he said.

"Get away from me, Orton." he said through clenched teeth.

Then, he put on an evil smile and tipped him over, before Kelly and the others caught him.

"Orton, just back off!" Kelly snapped.

"Hmm. The only time I get to have any fun and I'm not allowed to torment him." he muttered.

* * *

><p>Later, they were playing charades to pass the time.<p>

Shawn put his arms over his head, signaling some kind of roof.

"Fiddler on the roof?" asked Mickie.

He shook his head and drew a circle with his fingers.

"Uh, something that has to do with IHOP?" asked Hunter.

He shook his head again and then started doing the twist.

"Gettin Jiggy With It?" asked Eve.

"No!" cried Shawn. "It's supposed to be a hobo doing the twist under a leaky roof in Utah!"

As a reply, Randy repeatedly bonked his head on the tree he was leaning against.

Later, everyone (except for Michelle who was asleep) sang: "1 bottle of beer on the wall, 1 bottle of beer, take one down, pass it around, uh..."

"Let's start over!" exclaimed Hunter.

"99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer..." they sang while Orton stuck his thumb and his pointer finger up to his head and pretended to shoot.

Later...

"Hey, a hobo stole my Gameboy DS! Get back here, you hobo!" Edge exclaimed, chasing after him.

Randy crushed an empty beer can on his forehead and tossed it away.

Later...

"I could not, would not, in a house. I would not, could not, with a mouse. I would not eat them with a fox. I would not eat them in a box. I would not eat them here or there. I would not eat them anywhere. I would not eat green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-am." read John.

Randy looked totally miserable with another beer can in his hand.

Later...

"Who's up for Parcheesi?" asked Shawn.

"NO!" screamed Randy. "No more! You-You people are driving me insane! Now, I don't even care if Jericho forgets us! I gotta get the hell outta here!"

"Whoa, settle down, Rand." said Michelle.

"I can't! You and me need to get outta this place. C'mon!" he exclaimed, taking her along.

"What about me?" asked Edge. "Take me, too!"

While the two tried to find a way out, there wasn't anything but dead ends.

"DAMN IT!" Randy cried.

"Face it, Randy. You can't escape us." Hunter said with a smirk.

"NO!" he shouted.

"I can get you outta this place." said a voice.

"Who's there?" he asked.

"Who do you think?" she asked.

"Lita?" they exclaimed.

Eve growled.

Matt looked surprised.

Edge smirked. "Hello." he replied.

"Lita, how'd YOU get here?" asked Kelly.

"No time to ask, I'm just supposed to get you outta this place." she replied.

"Nice to see you again, Lita." Jeff said through a strained voice.

"Same here. What happened to you, dude?" she asked.

"Scorpion bite." he said quickly.

"Don't worry, I know how to cure you." she replied, bending him in places he thought he couldn't bend.

"OW! Ah!...Hey. Hey, I feel great. Thanks!" he exclaimed, getting the feeling back in his body.

"Don't mention it." she replied, then looking towards Matt. "Hey." she greeted.

"Hey." he replied.

"Why are you here?" Eve asked her.

"It's a job. I don't think you need to know, chica." she replied, glaring back at her.

"GRR!" Eve cried, charging towards her.

"Whoa, whoa, let's put the claws away for now, ok?" Shawn asked, holding her back. "Just help us get outta here."

"And fast, too. I'm starving." added Hunter. "Again."

"Ok, follow me." she replied, leading them through the ant infested field near their bus, where they were suddenly faced with the crazy redneck with the BB gun!

"Didn't I tell ya'll to git off my property?" he demanded.

Then, before anyone else could say anything, Lita high-kicked the gun away, twisted the guy's arm back, kneed him in the back, flipped him over, spun him around and around, and tossed him towards the middle of nowhere!

Shocked, everyone stared at her.

"I've taken care of worse than him, now come on before..." she began, until Jericho and his jet hovered over them. "...crap."

"Great job rounding up my parasites, Lita!" Jericho called from a megaphone.

"JERICHO?" they all demanded.

"That's ME! Everyone board the bus and we'll pull you back to safety." he said.

After everyone sped onto the bus, John said, "Where's Candy and the others? I can't leave without her!"

"Move it, Cena, I'm getting outta this hellhole!" Randy said, shoving him inside.

After they all boarded the crashed bus, a giant net from the jet lifted the bus and carried them away!

* * *

><p>Later, they all arrived back to the cafeteria on the set of TWA for some important news...<p>

"Everyone enjoying their pancake feast?" asked Jericho.

"YES!" Shawn and Hunter exclaimed, furiously devouring their plates.

"You better because I wasn't allowed to spike these with laxatives or anything." Big Show muttered.

"Ok, now that you worms are all here, YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D!" Jericho exclaimed.

Then, Randy stormed up to him and grabbed him by the collar. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" he demanded.

"SPACE!" Jericho exclaimed, struggling away from him. "Ok, remember all that stuff I said about replacing you for those Disney stars and that Road Rules Rules crap? Well, I lied about it all. There was no trip to the Jay Leno show, it was all just a test to see how far you all would go in order to reclaim your fame."

"Well, holy crap." Mickie replied.

"Yep. And I hired Christian here to help distract you guys, Lita helped you guys find your way to civilization, and uh, Evan and Eve just tagged along, too, in order to get spots in the third season!" he exclaimed.

"WHAT?" they all exclaimed.

"No, no, no, NOOOO!" Shawn cried, pounding his fist on the table.

"Dude, it's not a death sentence...I guess." replied Jericho.

"No, not that. We're all outta pancakes!" he cried.

"Uh...huh. I don't understand why you're so shocked at the news, since I already told you before we went to Disneyland." he said.

"You know we never listen to you, dude!" exclaimed Edge.

"Worms. Anyway, you'll ALL be competing in the next season-" he began.

"We're here!" announced Punk and the gang, who were out of breath.

"Candy! Guys, how'd you make it back here?" asked John.

"We had to follow the damned jet tracks and hitchhike back here." Dave grumbled.

"Told ya hitchhiking works!" exclaimed Edge.

"Hi, Ria." said Jeff.

She smiled. "Hi, Jeff!"

"Hmm?" Kelly looked at Jeff questioningly while Punk did the same with Maria.

"Yeah, you 5 aren't going to be joining us next season." Jericho told them.

"Next season?" asked Punk.

"Why?" asked Maria.

"RANDY!" exclaimed Natalya.

"Well, you didn't make it here in time for the big announcement and all the spots in the next season are confirmed. Sorry. Not!" he laughed.

"Candy, we-we won't be together next season!" exclaimed John.

"No!" she cried. "Jericho, you have to fix this!"

"You're on your own, masomorphs." he replied, reading a magazine.

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

Dave: "This is a fluke! I should be in for the money! If I hadn't told my lawyer Johnson that he was a dumb fudge-wad, maybe he'd help me out."

Nattie: "Randy, I missed you! We have to be in the next season together, we just have to! *guards take her away* HEY! NO! YOU WILL NOT TAKE ME BACK TO THAT PRISON! I LOVE YOU, RANDY!..."

Punk: "Well, yeah, it blows not being able to compete for the cash, but me and Ria are together and now we don't have to put up with Jericho's B.S. And just what is up with this constant attraction between her and Jeff?"

Maria: "At least Punky and I still have each other, although money would be nice...no, love is way more important. But it is kinda annoying how he's always giving me these weird looks whenever I say hi to Jeff. I keep telling CM that he and I are just friends. *pause* Right?...I want a cookie."

Candice: "I miss John already! *cries*"

John: "Candy, I'll never forget you! I promise I'll work hard to win and-oh, whatever. Candy, I love you!"

Evan: "It'll be awesome joining the show, but what I really hope to do is to get closer to Mickie. I think I'm falling for her-WHOA!" *trips into camera*

Mickie: "I'm glad I have another chance at the cash after all that happened last year, but I worry for poor Evan, I mean, he's lucky he doesn't carry a gurney with him everywhere he goes. Bless his sweet little heart."

Edge: "I can't believe that hobo stole by Gameboy!"

Michelle: "Looks like I'm in the same contest with that shrimp, Melina. Well, she may have upstaged me in that commercial, but I'll be the one getting the last laugh on her."

Melina: "I beat Michelle last season and I can do the same next season. Déme una razón, vato."

Randy: "This WILL be my year to win! But on a side note, that Christian's been getting on my damn nerves ever since he stole Edge away during that Disneyland trip. If he decides to cross paths with me, oh ho, there's gonna be a war."

Christian: "Yeah, I know Randy's pissed with me about Edge, but we've been friends since we were kids. He's like a brother to me, and if Orton doesn't appreciate that, he can go cry about it under a lemon tree for all I care!"

Eve: "Lita just better hope that we'll be chosen on separate teams next season because if I have to see her again, I'll make her regret joining in the first place."

Lita: "Eve's no threat to me. Hell, I can finish her in under 35 seconds. Just try me. I'll finish you, win this contest, take the money, and run."

Matt: "Ok, I'm not even gonna mention the girls, but what's really going through my mind, is how this year I'll finally outsmart Jeff and show him who the TRUE star of the family is."

Jeff: "All right, this may be the beginning of a new season, but nothing's changed from last time. This time, I'm not gonna let Matt push me around anymore. No more games, man, this is for real. And on another note, It's too bad that Maria won't be in the next season. She's like, my best friend and it won't be the same without her."

Kelly: "I'm glad that we're all in the next season together, but for now, I just hope the situation between Jeff and Matt doesn't get any more worse than it already is. And one more thing. I thought that I was Jeff's girlfriend, not Maria. Well, since she's not going to be in the next season, it's nothing I should be concerned about."

Hunter: "I've got this contest in the palm of my hand. I made it 6th place in the first season, 2nd last season, and if the calculations go as planned, the King of Kings will reclaim his glory. Yeah."

Shawn: "Who says you can't win twice in a row? I mean, yeah, it's time for somebody new to win, but it's a competition, I'm still in it, the stakes are high, the pancakes are golden, HBK is in it to win it, baby! Boy, I've really gotta lay off the pancake business."

Big Show: "I hate my job."

Jericho: "See what I gotta put up with, folks? See you next season, hypocrites! Jericho, out!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: And so ends the roller-coaster ride that was season two of TWA. With that being said, make sure you stay tuned for season three, and in my opinion, the best season yet. <strong>_


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